grade episode Less Talk, More Chop

Recapped by M. Giant · Aired 2012-10-14 · S03E01

Rick and the gang have apparently been spending the whole winter wandering around the area, trying to avoid zombie herds and getting nowhere fast, other than really skanky-looking. Rick and Lori are barely talking to each other and her baby is clearly due soon, while Carl appears to have undergone some kind of metamorphosis of his own by becoming somewhat competent and mature, even though he's still wearing that stupid hat. The group's about at the end of their rope when they run across a prison. Too bad the yard's full of walkers, though, right? Well, it's bad, but not too bad, as Rick leads the group in a successful operation to clear the yard and seal it off from further incursion. Everyone figures this grassy area inside the chain link fence is their new safe haven, but Rick isn't satisfied; he wants them to force their way into the prison itself, so they can get at the food, medicine, and weapons the place no doubt contains.

So he, Daryl, T-Dogg, Glen, and Maggie fight their way through the inner yard and into one of the cell blocks, which appears safe. There they marshal their resources, explore Rick and Lori's ongoing marital dysfunction, and speculate on what happens if Lori miscarries or dies in childbirth, given the latent zombie plague in all of them. Also, Carl seems to have a bit of a crush on Hershel's youngest daughter Beth, because it's not like he has a lot of other options.

Rick still wants to press on, and he leads all the men and Maggie deeper into the maze of corridors within the prison. Here's where things go wrong, as the claustrophobic hallways remain heavily infested. Soon their retreat is cut off, they're briefly separated from each other, and Hershel is bitten. The group manages to barricade themselves inside a large room, but it's safe to say the mission has gone pear-shaped.

In a desperate move to keep Hershel alive, Rick hacks off the man's leg below the knee. It remains to be seen whether that's going to work, but I don't know if Scott Wilson would have grown his beard and hair out like that if he was going to have to rock that look for more than a couple of episodes. But there might be another cast infusion soon, as the operation is witnessed from behind a grate by five or six humans who have survived inside the prison.

Meanwhile, Andrea isn't alone. The sword-wielding, zombie-keeping figure who rescued her at the end of last season's finale is still with her, which is lucky for Andrea, given this woman's skill with a katana. The bad news is that Andrea is deathly sick, but with walkers accumulating around their small-town hideout, they have little choice but to clear out.

So yeah, remember how irritated we used to get with this show when it was all talking and no zombies? For tonight, at least, that appears to be fixed.

Okay, listen up, The Walking Dead. I watch you so I can learn how to survive a zombie apocalypse, not whether to. Do a better job of remembering that this season than you did the first two, and you and I will get along just fine.

We begin with a slow zoom out from an eye like the beginning of Lost, but this is the spoiled-milk, postulant eye of a walker, standing with one of his fellows in a house. Not sure this film-school crap is a promising start -- but then Rick and T-Dogg bust in and quickly take both of them down with a silenced handgun and fireplace poker, respectively. So far, so good, but then Carl follows them in, his hair shaggy under Rick's hat that he's still insisting on wearing. He's got a weapon of his own, also with a silencer the size of his shin. As they move through the house, Rick makes a big suspenseful production of opening a hidden door deep inside a closet, only to find Daryl on the other side. Carl shoots down a zombie granny without wasting any time teasing it or throwing rocks at it or engaging in any other actions at all that will result in it killing one of his friends later.

Glen and Maggie come in the back while the house is still being secured, and the last kill is Daryl's, as his crossbow claims an owl nesting in one of the bedrooms. Now the rest of the party can come in with their meager supplies -- Carol, Beth, a visibly pregnant Lori, and Hershel, who is apparently the only person in the group to have realized that in the zombie apocalypse, shaving is for chumps. Indeed, why risk needless scratches in this environment? Carl scavenges in the kitchen and finds a couple of cans of pet food, which he brings into the living room to share out with everyone while Daryl plucks his owl. Rick takes the open can and throws it against the wall, which makes this just about the most awkward housewarming ever. They wouldn't have had time to enjoy it anyway, as a pack of walkers is already coming up the front yard. The group gets right back up and back in their vehicles outside, with nothing to show for their stop but an axe that Maggie nabbed from the woodpile. And no, nobody spoke a word of dialogue in that whole opening. Which is a little contrived and derivative, yes, but under the circumstances, it's the best possible sign.

Hey, new opening credits sequence! I approve.

By M. Giant

The group stops on a road to reassess. Rick puts Carl on guard duty while they use a car hood to spread out a map they've been using to plot the movements of various herds they've encountered, trying to find a way out of the area. Apparently they've been hemmed in all winter, going house to house, although Rick's still looking for a place they can hole up for a few weeks. And maybe grab a shower, going by how these people look. Don't ask me how they've been keeping gas in the cars and Daryl's motorcycle, either. Most of the group goes to collect water while Daryl invites Rick hunting. And that's how they happen upon the prison, which is visible from the railroad tracks they've been walking on but not on their big, detailed map for some reason. "That's a shame," Daryl says, looking at all the walkers drifting around inside the fence, which would otherwise be a nice safe little human-paddock. But Rick looks at the place as though it's ten acres of uncut porn.

thing we know, Rick's cutting into the outer fence while the others take turns picking off walkers as they approach sporadically from the surrounding woods. Soon everyone's inside the zombie-free hog chute between the inner and outer fences, the latter of which Glen quickly sews back together with cable. They proceed along the perimeter, attracting the helpless attention of the walkers inside, until they get to where they can see a watchtower that'll be perfect for clearing out the yard from, if only they can find a way to get across the infested yard and shut the gate to it, which is currently allowing access to the outer yard from the inner one. Glen volunteers, Maggie objects, but Rick instead deploys his people around the outside of the inner fence and atop another guard tower, tasking them with killing walkers through the fence and from above while he runs for it himself. Lori opens the gate for him without argument, and Rick starts across. "Sorry," Carol calls unconvincingly from the tower to Daryl after one of her rifle bullets bounces in front of Rick's feet. Rick reaches the gate and chains it shut, doubles back a short distance past some now very interested walkers, and makes it into the tower. Daryl calls to the others. "Light it up!" With everyone shooting and/or stabbing from positions of safety, the yard is soon walker-free. Rick looks like this is the best day he's had in years. "We haven't had this much space since we left the farm," Carol says as they move into the yard. And look how that turned out.

By M. Giant

That night, most of the group enjoys a dinner of weeds and wildflowers around a campfire while discussing their big plans for the prison yard, which so far include a vegetable garden and a canal. Daryl stands guard on an overturned bus while Rick circles the yard for the third time, as Hershel remarks that Rick would have found any weak spots by now. Yeah, that's not what Rick is looking for. Beth remarks to Lori what a great place this will be to have the baby, like that hadn't occurred to anyone. Carol brings Daryl some almost-food on his bus, and gently chides him for referring to Lori's unborn baby as "Little Shane." Well, if the kid comes out with piggy eyes and a shaved head as opposed to a messiah complex, we'll know for sure. Carol admits that Rick's gotten them farther than Shane could have. Daryl spends about three seconds rubbing her shoulder, sore from the rifle kick, and she cracks, "That's pretty romantic. You screw around?" "I'll go down first," he says, climbing off ahead of her, which Carol says is even better. "Stop," Daryl says. Wow, check out Carol, getting her flirt on.

Hershel prevails upon Beth to sing them a song. Maggie joins in. What is this, The X Factor with zombies? I'm not complaining; singing recaps faster. Rick returns to the fire and offers some food to Lori, which she takes only reluctantly, so they're still not getting along great, clearly. After the song, Rick tells them they have a big day tomorrow. By which he means they need to push on into the prison. Rick figures the fact that most of the walkers were either guards or inmates means the place fell early, which might mean intact supplies inside. "Weapons, food, medicine...this place could be a gold mine." Wow, gold, too? Hershel reminds Rick that they're too low on ammo, and Rick says that's why they need to go in, hand-to-hand. "After all we've been through, we can handle it. I know it. These assholes don't stand a chance." This last is directed in particular at Carl and his stupid hat. Ah, that moment of passage when you've grown up enough that your dad swears in front of you. I was a little older than Carl when mine came, but I hadn't killed as many zombies.

By M. Giant

Lori takes Rick aside and asks him, as deferentially as she can manage, if they could maybe have a few days to regroup. But now he's the one who's closed off, acting so owly towards her that if he doesn't watch it, Daryl's going to shoot him and pluck him, too. I though we left them with her angry at Rick for killing Shane, but I guess the scales have tipped in the interim to Rick being mad at her for his having to kill Shane in the first place. Well, and I guess Carl killed Shane too. Lori's the only Grimes who didn't get a chance, but she might yet find a way that has something to do with the bulge at her belly.

The morning, someone walks into an abandoned store, alerting a few torpid Walkers inside. But don't worry about the newcomer; she's got some slayer-style moves and a samurai sword to match, which she uses to showily behead three of them before gathering some aspirin packets off the floor, leaving the still-slavering head lying there. Obviously this is the woman who rescued Andrea at the end of Season Two, not that we could see her face then.

Time for the assault on the prison's inner yard. Rick, Glen, T-Dogg, Daryl, and Maggie move in first, keeping their backs to each other and working their way through the walkers with edged weapons while the rest of the group tries to draw them to the fence they're staying behind in relative safety, where they can poke their brains out with tire irons and such through the chain-link. Clearly everyone has been honing their zombie-killing skills over the last month. It's great to see them all handling things proactively and competently, to the point where I can finally stop wondering whether the show's title refers to the monsters or the main cast.

The lead group makes it to a door and a corner, but around the corner are more walkers than even the new, improved group can handle. Some of the zombies are still wearing the riot gear of prison guards, and Daryl's crossbow bolt bounces right off a Plexiglas face shield. Armored zombies? No fair! This unexpected development leads to the group briefly getting split up as a walker comes out that door (which must have had a simple pushbar on the inside, making this the least secure prison ever), but Maggie quickly deals with him. Rick's got his hands full trying to take down a helmeted zombie, but with Daryl's help they manage to push them back and close off that section of the inner yard behind a sliding gate. One of the still-moving riot-ghouls on this side gets real up close and personal with Maggie wrapping its arm around her. Which is when the upside of the face shields becomes apparent: it can't bite her either, and she's able to jam her knife up under its chin and into its brain. "See that?" she says excitedly to Glen and T-Dogg, who quickly copy that move, so clearly they did. Rick rips off another face shield, taking most of that walker's actual rotted face with it, and barely chokes back his disgust long enough to pry what remains of it head in half. And with that, they've taken the inner yard. Not one but two major zombie battles, not to mention a chick with a katana? So far, the third season gets a thumbs up.

Carl looks like he's going to move into the top bunk over Beth's, but Hershel looms in the doorway and asks him, "Find your cell yet?" Carl babbles excuses and clears out so Hershel and Beth can exchange a rueful smile. Sorry, Carl -- Hershel is fresh out of pocket watches.

No such problem in Glenn and Maggie's cell, which features a homey brain-stain on one wall. "So exhausted I don't even care," she says. He sets her down and starts checking her for scratches. Lori and Carol take another cell, and while Daryl beds down on the perch and Rick guards the hallway, everyone settles in. Even Rick sleeps for what looks like the first time in months.

The woman with the samurai sword is still in that town, which seems currently surrounded by walkers. She heads into a place called the "Deer Cooler," where she left her two male walker pets -- shirtless, armless, and jawless -- chained up. She's going to have some explaining to do regarding those two at some point, I hope she realizes. She heads into the cooler -- yes, this is an actual deer cooler -- and, hearing a noise beyond the empty meat hooks, loosens her katana, but then drops it back into its scabbard when she finds it's only Andrea on the floor. She gives Andrea some aspirin and water, and Andrea asks how it is out there. "The same. It's quiet," she lies, then adds that they should go in a few days. Andrea realizes they're coming, and her rescuer should go on without her. "I didn't take care of myself," Andrea says sardonically. "I saved your ass all winter, didn't I?" And then she attempts to cough up her spleen. She tries to get her to go on ahead by being rude to her, but her friend insists they'll leave in a few days. "If we stay, I'll die here," Andrea says. So it looks like they're going. Good thing this place has a back door, which opens onto the woods behind the town and no walkers at all. Plus I don't think they need to worry about Andrea slowing them down; anybody who insists on traveling while dragging two walkers behind her clearly isn't concerned with outrunning anybody.

At the prison, the guys (not counting Glenn and Carl) are going over their gains looted from a walker-guard, including the gooey body armor, which Daryl refuses to wear. "We could boil 'em," T-Dogg suggests. "Ain't enough firewood in the whole forest, no," Daryl scoffs. Carol comes to fetch Hershel, claiming it's no big deal. Rick doesn't look convinced, but he's not interested enough to do anything about it, either.

Lori tells Hershel she thinks she lost the baby, not having felt it move for a while. But under the circumstances, a miscarriage comes with higher stakes. Lori frets, "If we're all infected, then so is the baby. So what if it's stillborn? What if it's dead inside me right now? What if it rips me apart?" Well, I don't think we need to worry about that last thing, because if it were dead that would already be happening. And it would be AWESOME. No need to thank me for that ray of sunshine, Lori. She's also worried about what happens if she dies in childbirth, and makes Hershel promise that he, Rick, or Carl will put her down -- and the baby too, if necessary. "If we're walkers, you don't hesitate. And you don't try to save us. Okay?" Hershel nods. Lori says it would have been better if she'd never made it off the farm. Or, you know, her and Rick's house, maybe. "My son can't stand me. And my husband, after what I put him through." Hershel says Rick will come around, but Lori is convinced Rick hates her. "I put him and Shane and odds and put that knife into his hand," she cries. Hershel starts the exam after saying the baby doesn't give a shit about any of that. He kindly leaves out the part where nobody else does, either, but I got the message. Thank you, Hershel.

Out in the cell block, the guys and Maggie are gearing up for their incursion. Carl's with them, but Rick is leaving him behind. "If something goes wrong, you could be the last man standing," Rick tells him, which is officially the most terrifying moment of this entire series. Oops, I stand corrected -- Rick hands Carl the keys. Actually, I'm not sure I'm being fair; this new, shaggy Carl seems like less of a liability like the old one, if only because of the minimal argument he offers Rick. I'm willing to give him another chance. The group heads inside. Most of them are wearing reclaimed bulletproof vests, which will be handy for when they encounter zombies with guns.

With flashlights and weapons at the ready, the gang heads inside, where there are a lot fewer windows and a lot more corpses -- including some mostly eaten children. That can't be a good sign. If these corridors aren't overrun, who do you suppose ate them? Glenn spray-paints an arrow on the wall, presumably in the event they need to make a quick exit, and bumps into Maggie in the dark, nearly making both of them pee themselves. They continue through what's becoming a maze, Glenn painting arrows at every corner, until they come across a herd clogging the corridor. They're very happy to see our heroes, and Rick orders a retreat. But their marked exit route is suddenly cut off by more walkers, and Glenn and Maggie get separated, shutting themselves in a room behind a metal door. Rick, Daryl, Hershel, and T-Dogg duck out of their hiding spot and go looking for them. Suddenly the walkers are gone, to where I don't know.

By M. Giant

With flashlights and weapons at the ready, the gang heads inside, where there are a lot fewer windows and a lot more corpses -- including some mostly eaten children. That can't be a good sign. If these corridors aren't overrun, who do you suppose ate them? Glen spray-paints an arrow on the wall, presumably in the event they need to make a quick exit, and bumps into Maggie in the dark, nearly making both of them pee themselves. They continue through what's becoming a maze, Glen painting arrows at every corner, until they come across a herd clogging the corridor. They're very happy to see our heroes, and Rick orders a retreat. But their marked exit route is suddenly cut off by more walkers, and Glen and Maggie get separated, shutting themselves in a room behind a metal door. Rick, Daryl, Hershel, and T-Dogg duck out of their hiding spot and go looking for them. Suddenly the walkers are gone, to where I don't know.

By M. Giant

Glen and Maggie break cover, and Hershel's the one to head in the direction of their whispered call, stepping over a corpse. Except of course it's not a corpse, as it grabs Hershel by the leg and takes a big bite of juicy, bloody calf. Rookie mistake, Hershel. He screams, which at least brings the group back together. Rick puts down Hershel's attacker (since when is this show called The Sitting Dead?). Maggie is horrified, and the walkers are back, closing in on them. But they manage to break into a cafeteria. T-Dogg holds the door closed while Rick applies a tourniquet to Hershel's leg and has the others hold Hershel down while he uses a hatchet to unceremoniously hack Hershel's leg off below the knee. Alas for Hershel, this procedure takes several blows, but the good news is that he passes out before Rick finishes. Rick finally falls back, seeming a little light-headed himself, and frets that Hershel's bleeding out. Well, yes, that'll happen when you do surgery with yard tools. With that horror barely behind them, Daryl notices a metal grate making up one side of the room, behind which about half-dozen human-shaped figures rise up. Daryl holds his fire until he gets closer, at which point one of the still, staring figures says, "Ho-lee shit!" I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually agree. Looks like I came on board at the right time.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.