And We're the Chickens

Recapped by Angel Cohn · Aired 11-21-2011 · S02E06

Carl's up and about, and wanting to learn to shoot at things. Are we sure he isn't really Andrea's kid? So Shane sets up shooting lessons for everyone (because it's not like the show's established that zombies are attracted to loud noises), and Andrea (for all her goddamned whining about having a gun) has pretty decent aim when given the proper pistol. So she and Shane go to the suburbs to look for Sophia, but only find a bunch of walkers. And she gets to do some real-life shooting, and after a near-death moment, she starts hitting the zombies straight in the head and getting a rush from it. So much of a rush that she gets horny and grabs Shane and they hook up in his car. I'm so skeeved out.

Turns out, so is Dale. He sees Andrea and Shane come back from their suburban romp, puts two and two together and tells Shane to hit the bricks. Dale also has a hunch that Shane killed Otis, because of that one time where Shane held Rick's head in his gun sights. Shane doesn't take kindly to any of these accurate accusations and threatens to kill Dale. And it is awesome. More crazy Shane, please.

Glenn has a hard time not acting like an awkward robot, between trying not to spill the beans about the barn and Lori's pregnancy. He lasts all of three minutes before he tells Dale about both. Dale tries to talk to Herschel about the barn, but the good doctor is under the impression that this is a curable disease. Mostly because he's keeping his wife and stepson alive in the barn, with the help of a steady chicken diet. (Zombies eat food?)

For her part, Lori thanks Herschel, but he basically tells her not to let the door hit her on the way out. This prompts her to ask Glenn to go back to town for "supplies." Glenn takes Maggie with him, but this time they don't knock boots in the pharmacy, because there's a pesky walker. Nearly being zombiefied puts a damper on those sexy feelings. Maggie finds out what they are there to pick up, and is hella pissed, so she goes back to camp and throws the morning-after pills in Lori's face. Loudly.

Lori takes in the lectures and glares from Maggie, Dale and Glenn, decides to down the pills anyway instead of bringing a baby into this cruel world. But five seconds later realizes she's made a mistake and forces herself to puke them up. In her haste, she leaves the well-labeled wrappers all over the place and Rick sees them and gets rightfully pissed. Lori does some really remarkably bad acting as she tries to explain why she can't have a baby in a ditch. And Rick gets it, even if he doesn't want to, but he's mostly pissed that she's been keeping secrets. She finally tells him about Shane. He also figured that out, because she has absolutely no poker face at all.

What a lame episode. Perhaps because Daryl was recuperating and only had one line all night.

Instead of flashing back in time before the zombie apocalypse, we jump right into the present day and see Carl up and around feeding chickens with Lori. I immediately thought this was several days later, but given all the stuff that happens with Glennn and Lori later in the episode, it seems like it's the day after the pharmacy run and Glennn's discovery of the barn. Either Carl's a quick healer or time passes weirdly on this barn. It could really go either way.

Carl looks at the chicks and imagines that their mother probably got eaten. Cue us watching Otis' wife, Patricia, as she takes some chickens from the coop and carries them into a shed to break their legs. She then tosses them into a wheelbarrow and brings them to the barn as a midday snack for all of the confined walkers. Who knew that the walkers ate chickens? And wouldn't it be more exciting for them to have to chase them around, so they'd get a little exercise, and the chickens would have a fighting chance?

Maggie sees Glennn just staring at the barn and tells him he's being ridiculously suspicious and that he needs to freaking get a grip. Where, oh, where has my beloved Glennn gone? And who, oh, who, is this dude? Glennn does admit that the barn o'walkers is a super-creepy idea, and asks for an explanation.

T-Dog asks Glennn what's up, and he gets all squirrely, which doesn't go unnoticed by the town know-it-all Dale. Andrea makes a half-assed apology to Daryl, by giving him a book that doesn't even have pictures of naked ladies in it. Andrea, find a better way to say sorry to a guy you shot in the head. Even though this is seemingly the day, my boyfriend Daryl is looking remarkably healthy. He's a trooper. He also forgives Andrea rather quickly, though warns her he'll kill her if she shoots at him again. And now I'm rooting for Andrea's itchy trigger finger to fire again, solely so Daryl would have an excuse to murder her in a totally justifiable way.

Glennn really gets on my nerves by telling Lori that she has to tell Rick about the baby. He gets all up in her business, trying to give her extra food and offering to get pre-natal vitamins, which makes me wonder why he didn't just ransack the store in the first place. Why make repeated trips when they've got plenty of storage space at the farm? It seems like they are needlessly putting themselves in harm's way on this show.

Speaking of that, Rick is still looking at maps trying to find where Sophia might have gone. Looks like there's a suburban McMansion development nearby where she could be hiding out. So after shooting practice (really?), Shane will head up there in his snappy product placement of a vehicle with whoever proves to be the best shot. Target practice? I understand that they are working on self-defense techniques, but they have a limited supply of ammo, so this seems ridiculously wasteful. Also, zombies like loud noises. Why risk drawing more attention to your location? These people are all fucking idiots. Glennn walks over with the basket of peaches (that Maggie tried to bribe his silence with) and just stares awkwardly at Shane and Rick. Then Patricia and that other random blonde girl who may be her daughter come over and ask to be schooled in shooting as well. Are you serious? They're worried about protecting themselves now that the gun-toting Otis is no longer around. This mostly seems like a way to remind us of that whole Shane- killing-Otis-thing, and that Hershel specifically told Rick to leave his people out of crap like this. For his part, Rick says he'll have to get permission from Hershel, though we don't actually see this exchange.

Shane wanders over to Carl, who is wearing the too big sheriff hat and finds out that the boy has a handgun tucked in his belt because he wants to shoot. What is with these people? I'd think Daryl's archery skills would be a more valuable thing to try and cultivate. Anyway, it turns out that the rapidly mobile brat snuck into the RV and took one. Then Rick, Shane and Lori have a conversation about whether he should be properly taught how to use a handgun. I think since the precocious kid is going to be like Andrea and just obsess over taking guns, they might as well, but Lori would tend to disagree with me as she's still miffed about the kid getting shot under Shane and Rick's watch. Lori finally acquiesces after Rick goes on and on about Shane's teaching abilities and whatnot.

Glennn decides to stay and learn mechanics from Dale instead of going off to the makeshift gun range. See, that's a valuable life lesson. I was remotely proud of his life choices, but mostly he just wanted an excuse to spill his secrets to Dale. Dammit, Glennn. Get a grip.

So everyone is out on the edge of the woods shooting up all manner of glass bottles. Andrea's happier with a handgun than a shotgun, and that means she gets to go out on Shane's useless search party. But before she goes, she asks Shane why he decided to stick around.

Out in a barn -- but not the barn o'walkers, the one with the horses -- Dale sees that Nervous Nelly (the she-beast that dumped boyfriend Daryl to his near-death) has returned of her own accord. Dale lies to Hershel that he took a walk this morning, wandered near the barn and heard the moans. Hershel says that walkers are just sick, misunderstood people, and no more dangerous than a paranoid schizophrenic. Dale says that he's seen people come back as zombies and they aren't the same, but Hershel's wife and stepson are "living" in the barn and that Dale should mind his business. But Dale claims to be worried about everyone's safety (even though they've all been living here for some indeterminate amount of time and they've been fine) and wants to involve Rick. Hershel says Rick is a fine person, but there might be some questionable characters in Dale's group who might be a little... prone to selfish behaviors. Gee, could he more obviously be talking about Shane?

Hershel is working outside, when Lori comes over to bug him. She wants to express her gratitude for him saving her son (and we see Carl happily returning from his gun lesson) and she informs Hershel that they'll earn their keep, but he's not having it. He tells her that she needs to start thinking about moving on, now that Carl's up and around. No mention of the hopeless case that is Sophia. Lori gives that look of terror, instead of perhaps concern like she was going for.

Before they go off to the suburbs, Shane tries to teach Andrea how to shoot a moving target. IN THE WOODS! This is so awful. She can't hit the swinging branch, and he tries to distract her so that she'll be able to properly shoot under pressure. Mostly he calls her a girl, but he takes it too far when he tells her that she should pretend the branch is the walker that bit her sister Amy. She gets pissed and storms off.

Lori confronts Rick about the Hershel situation, and while this conversation is insufferable and completely whiny, the gist is that she's pissed he didn't tell her and wants to make things worse by crying to Hershel in order to stay on the farm. Maybe if she knew about the barn o'walkers she'd be less inclined to stay.

Shane drives up to Andrea, who is storming down a road in the middle of the woods by herself... idiot. He apologizes for taking it too far, but says that's how you train for war. She calls him a dick. He owns it. And she reluctantly goes with him to the suburbs.

Dale is cooking meat, and Lori gets nauseous and walks away, so the town busybody feels the need to walk over to her and throw in his two cents about her pregnancy. She figures out that Glennn told him, but she warns that he hasn't said anything to Rick. He wonders if it is because of Shane, and she looks horrified that someone figured out that she was having sex in the woods with Shane. Lori insists that the baby belongs to Rick, but doesn't want to bring a baby into a world that is filled with nothing but walkers. She thinks the infant wouldn't stand a chance. This is the first time I might actually agree with Lori on something.

Glennn is chopping wood, and Lori tearily asks him to get more supplies. She has a piece of paper that she writes little notes down on. Maggie goes with him to the pharmacy (is this her version of a booty call?), and she's pissed that he couldn't keep his mouth shut. And he just doesn't understand why her dad things that walkers can be rehabilitated. She tells him that she knows all of them by name, as they are her family. She begrudgingly agrees to get the item on the paper, but she's not impressed that Lori is knocked up and needs supplies. Glennn's wandering around the front, while Maggie is in the back with the meds. She gets grabbed by a walker, and he grabs a piece of wood and hits the walker upside the head. It's pretty great. But the walker is still alive, even though he's nearly headless. So Glennn takes his crowbar looking thing out of his belt loop and pounds the walkers head in. For a minute, Glennn redeemed himself. This does not last long.

Lori's doing laundry at camp, when Maggie comes up and throws the bag of stuff at her item by item. Informing her that the time she needs anything, particularly "abortion pills", she can get them her damned self. Glennn goes after Maggie, leaving Lori all shell-shocked (which is nothing new). Glennn says it is his fault that they almost got killed, not Lori's and Maggie should be pissed at him. She thinks he's a stupid idiot, even though he's smart and brave, so she kisses him and tells him to realize his self-worth before he ends up as a walker (as they always use him as bait). It's almost nice?

Shane and Andrea go into one house, though I'm not sure exactly why they pick that house. Are we to believe they're going door-to-door? They find a huge pile of dead bodies and when they get to the garage, a horde of walkers comes after them. Did they sense their movement? Was it Andrea yelling for Sophia? Either way, there are hundreds of them, and Shane starts shooting (very accurately) and tells Andrea to cover his back. Of course her gun gets jammed and she starts panicking. He lets a walker get really close to her, forcing her to concentrate and shoot. She does, and then wastes more ammo by taking down zombies long after she should have been safely in the car.

Glennn goes back to Lori's tent; she's freaked out thinking that she almost got Glennn killed. He says he always comes back. Like that cat in that old song. But this cat is all pro-life and gives her some pre-natal vitamins. He says it isn't his choice, but that she should really think about this, and maybe she should consult the father. If she can figure out who it is. Well, that's my thought, not his. For the record, they do both question here if the morning after pill will work, since it is clearly not the morning after -- or even a few mornings after -- since she got a positive result on a pregnancy test. This isn't a month-after pill (as they usually are just effective for a few days), but I guess Lori's plan is to take a bunch and hope for the best. Also, the boxes don't usually just say MORNING AFTER PILL in giant letters, there is something more discreet about them. Like Plan B. And she's lucky that Glennn was able to get them for free, because those can get pricey and she just got a bunch of them.

And now for the grossest thing I have ever seen on this show. Shane and Andrea are driving back to camp, having seen neither hide nor hare of Sophia, and she gets horny, grabs his crotch and they have sex. I am not getting more descriptive than that, as I will totally lose any appetite I may have for my forthcoming Thanksgiving dinner. Also, her ass hits the steering wheel. Is that not going to attract walkers?

Lori opens her multiple packs of morning after pills, tosses them back and then runs far out into a field before shoving her fingers down her throat to make herself throw them up.

Shane and Andrea come back from their... interlude, and Carol's devastated to see that they didn't find Sophia. Really, you think your idiotic kid is still alive when she couldn't follow directions from Rick? She's totally dead. Anyway, Andrea's looking like the cat that ate the canary, so busybody Dale knows something is up. Shane says the place was overrun, but Dale looks skeptical. Stay out of everyone's personal lives, Dale. I don't like the two of them having sex any more than you do, but they nearly got eaten alive, cut them some freaking slack.

Dale tells Shane that he should get the hell out of dodge. Dale (who has inherited Lori's one giant eyed stare) says that he's just looking out for the group. Shane tells him that he's not the boss, and that Carl would be dead without Shane, but Dale thinks something is off about Shane's vague tale about the Otis death. Shane puts on his awesome intense face, and says that Otis died a hero. Dale doesn't buy that, since Shane almost killed Rick that one time. Bygones, Dale, bygones. Dale, and his weirdo bulging eyes, says he knows that Shane is not a good man. Shane, who can actually act (go figure), says that Rick is his best friend and would never kill him. But if he was the kind of man who would gun down his best friend, he would also be the kind of man who would happily kill a nosy old dude who is slinging mud around. Please kill him, Shane. For me? I'd forgive you for banging Andrea in the front seat of your new car. I'd forgive you for being whiny and annoying all last season.

Rick walks into his tent and sees the conveniently labeled wrappers from the multiple morning after pills. He examines them for an awfully long time. Can he not read? That might explain things. Then he goes after Lori, who is still sitting near her pile of vomit, in a field, probably getting covered in ticks. She really should have taken her trash with her, since she had time to run all that way. This is a woman who went outside to take a pregnancy test, instead of using a bathroom, in order to keep a secret. You'd think she'd be more careful.

Rick's pissed that she's been keeping this giant secret from him, you know, especially since she got mad that he didn't tell her about Hershel hating them. See, the Hershel hating them thing was pretty obvious to anyone who paid remote attention. That one is Lori's fault. Rick has a bit more of a right to be mad, especially since he thinks she might have aborted (even though that seems unlikely given how the medication is designed) their child. Or what he thinks might be their child. She says that she threw up the drugs, so she's still preggers. He wonders how long she knew and didn't tell him. He's also pissed that Glennn knows. She throws the whole, we can't bring a baby into this cruel world argument at him, and then starts crying in the most unfortunate and ridiculous way. I really wish a better actress was playing Lori. One that could make this awful dialogue somewhat tolerable.

By Angel Cohn

Rick's pissed that she's been keeping this giant secret from him, you know, especially since she got mad that he didn't tell her about Hershel hating them. See, the Hershel hating them thing was pretty obvious to anyone who paid remote attention. That one is Lori's fault. Rick has a bit more of a right to be mad, especially since he thinks she might have aborted (even though that seems unlikely given how the medication is designed) their child. Or what he thinks might be their child. She says that she threw up the drugs, so she's still preggers. He wonders how long she knew and didn't tell him. He's also pissed that Glenn knows. She throws the whole, we can't bring a baby into this cruel world argument at him, and then starts crying in the most unfortunate and ridiculous way. I really wish a better actress was playing Lori. One that could make this awful dialogue somewhat tolerable.

By Angel Cohn

She looks like she ate a sour lemon and says that a baby crying will draw attention of the walkers, like shooting practice won't, and that she doesn't want to have a kid in a ditch. Well, if they leave now they could find a new place before the kid is born. Think, Lori. Rick points out that if she'd told him, they could have weighed the pros and cons together, instead of nearly getting Glenn killed in the process. She says that she wanted the abortion, or whatever, to be on her conscience instead of Rick's. He gets that, but says he can't be in a marriage of lies, and she finally admits to having lots of sex with Shane. But Rick, who isn't as dumb as he looks, had already figured that out. End of the world, she thought he was dead, etc... She doesn't tell him that Shane specifically told her that he was dead, but you know, details like that can wait. And that's where the episode ends. That's the big cliffhanger for the week? Lame. Just when I thought this show couldn't disappoint me more.

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