Buckle up, kids. Seven straight episodes. I wonder if my heart can take it...oh, wait.
Previouslies: Good God, I've written around two hundred pages about this show already. As if.
We open with Veronica tearing up her bedroom. I do that too, but only if I can't find the remote to the cable box. Which is pretty sad, considering this is New York, and as such, my bed actually touches the TV. VMVO wonders at the "coincidence" of Clarence Wiedman finding Lianne the same day Veronica did.
Sometime later, Veronica's room looks like, as every kid I ever knew heard from his or her mother at one point or another, "a tornado hit it." VMVO realizes that Wiedman didn't know where to find Lianne, but where to find Veronica. I'd think finding Lianne wouldn't be so tough for a head of security. All he'd need to do is track the regional routes of the trucks of Anheuser-Busch. Veronica puzzledly picks up a box as VMVO tells us that she never donated to the "Wildlife Alliance." More's the pity. If you give ten bucks, you save a parrot from captivity. Veronica realizes that the panda pencil sharpener they sent must contain a bug, and dismantling the thing confirms that. She adds that Wiedman must have heard her book her flight to Barstow. That answers the question of why Veronica got there in the daytime, since Barstow is only a three- or four-hour drive from the San Diego area. But there's no way Veronica would have sacrificed what could have been crucial hours in going after her mom, so this is a contrivance in the service of Veronica discovering the bug. I mean, it's no big deal, but they could have put Lianne in Davis or something. I had a friend in college who lived there, and believe me, for a university town, it's pretty grim. When your best option for a good time is Sacramento, you're not exactly living la vida loca. Where was I? VMVO tells us that she delayed leaving because she didn't want to look like an extra from Valley Girl, and while I appreciate both the reference and the effort, there's no reason she couldn't have taken a half-hour to change and still made it to Barstow for last call. Particularly not when the words "last" and "call," when uttered together at the bar at which Lianne was discovered, would lead to the bartender's needing last rites.
We flash back to Veronica seeing Wiedman again. VMVO notes he had to have seen her. Considering he's looking at her with eyes slightly more focused than those of Robert Patrick in Terminator 2, I'm thinking yes. After Wiedman leaves, Lianne tries to stagger out, but Veronica gets her to a booth and embraces her. Lianne cries that Veronica shouldn't be there, and that she's trying to protect Veronica. Veronica calls to the bartender for some coffee. Seeing who it's for, the bartender hits the speed-dial button marked "Starbucks." Veronica tells Lianne that everything will be okay, and Lianne smiles at her. The failure of the strains of a certain Bob Marley song to kick up makes me suspect that she might not be entirely correct.
Veronica makes to smash the bug when VMVO realizes that maybe now she wants Wiedman listening. Well, I hope you're quiet when you have sex dreams about your ex, then. Or, you know, um, afterward. Veronica reassembles the panda.
I have to interject here that it doesn't make sense for Wiedman to have shown himself to Veronica if he wasn't going to do anything. Why tip her off? I mean, he might have done it out of ego, after Veronica's whole "game on" thing with the pictures of him with his kid. But still, after the tension we waited through for four weeks, where it seemed like Lianne and Veronica were in imminent danger, on top of the fact that this part of the story is told in flashback and thus kills any urgency, it seems like a bit of a letdown. Anyway.
In slo-mo, a basketball swishes into the net. In real time, a drenched Wallace is trash-talking a teammate of his. He dribbles through the teammate's legs and hits a sweet reverse layup. Or perhaps his stunt double did, but Wallace has pretty nice delts for a skinny guy, anyway. Veronica makes a comment from the sidelines...
...and, later, meets Wallace outside the locker room. Aw. It's nice that they can have some interaction that doesn't involve permanent records. Wallace gets props from several students as he and Veronica walk down the hall, and Veronica's only half-joking as she notes that they really like him. Considering her distaste for both the rituals of high school and the students contained therein, I'm surprised the joke only made it halfway. Wallace sincerely tells Veronica that he knows the school's been rough on her, but that some of the kids seem pretty cool. I'd note that these "pretty cool" kids were the same ones that stood by while he was taped naked to a flagpole, but since he sort of became buddies with the person who actually did that deed well before the show got its full-season order, it seems kind of pointless. Wallace speculates that maybe the school isn't as bad as Veronica thinks it is. Right then, Veronica rounds a corner to see Duncan holding a sign that says, "As bad as you think it is," while Meg, canoodling with him, in turn displays her own card that reads, "And worse!" Veronica snarks under her breath that they seem friendly. Good thing one of the school colors is green. She stalks to her locker, but can't even get it open before Vice-Principal Clemmons taps her and summons her to his office. Veronica sunnily breezes, "I love this school!" Wallace decides that he'd better stick to impressing Veronica with his basketball moves.
Office of straight-man vice principals. Clemmons tells Veronica that "Polly," their school mascot, was stolen that morning. I'll just tell you that any plotline involving school-mascot wackiness makes me think of The Brady Bunch, and not in a good way. Veronica thinks that Clemmons believes she did it, but no: Clemmons wants her help: "I want you to find Polly." Veronica looks flummoxed, but it could be that she's just trying not to picture John Cleese yelling "POLLY!" at an "ex-parrot." I know I am. Credits.
Same setting. Clemmons tells Veronica how out-of-control the rivalry between Neptune and "Pan High" is. I don't know. I mean, I appreciate continuing the mythological theme, but a trident-wielding god against a goat with a flute? That's a mismatch on the scale of the two teams currently competing onSurvivor. Veronica tries to keep a straight face as Clemmons goes on about the escalation of hostilities, and then Clemmons asks for her help, with the qualification that they can't really afford to hire a professional. Well, considering that the school gets single donations worth what I would think is well into the five figures, either Clemmons is seriously dissing Keith, or Keith needs to up his rates. By a factor of about fifty. Clemmons asks what Veronica would want to take the case. The answer is a personal letter of recommendation, her own parking space, and a different locker. The locker issue is probably related to the fact that her current one is right by Meg's. Clemmons flatly denies the parking space idea, and also Veronica's quick-negotiation-style request to get out of PE. After some amusing haggling, they settle on two excused absences, and Veronica leaves with a possibly insincere promise of confidentiality. Should have coughed up the real estate, dude.
Veronica's new locker, which is right to Wallace's. Aw. Wallace is eating a cookie when a teammate of his tells him the news about Polly. He's bummed, since Polly was kept in the attendance office where Wallace works. They must have had some great conversations. "Polly want a cracker?" "Wallace want a friend?" He's less bummed about the boxes of snickerdoodles that are mysteriously appearing in his locker, with the message "Go Wallace, we love you, you rock!" Aw. That's just sweet as marshmallow. Veronica admires his gift: "I wish I was a baller!" Hee. Duncan arrives on the scene with Meg in tow and gives Wallace props as Meg asks if Veronica cut her hair. Veronica's eyes go to Duncan and Meg's intertwined hands, and she says she's growing her hair out. Meg chooses that moment to let go of Duncan's hand, which is ironic, considering that comment caused me to turn on my space heater. Meg catches the snap and less enthusiastically says it looks great, and the new happy couple takes off. Veronica's being a little petty here, considering she gave Meg her tacit blessing in the last episode. I mean, if Veronica can take up with Icetwin, Duncan's close friend, what's the problem here? Some other teammates run by, and Wallace tells Veronica that he's going to hang out with them at lunch, but sincerely invites Veronica to join them. Veronica's all, "Cool jock table? Me?" She makes it sound so unlikely, she'd have to find some sort of Bizarro Neptune High for that to happen. And what are the chances of that?
Well, not too bad, actually, as Veronica shows up at Pan High. VMVO tells us that it's just fifteen miles away from Neptune, but it's inland, and therefore worth about as much relatively as the Canadian dollar. (Hey, I couldn't think of anything else. Do me a favor and pretend it's five years ago, okay? I mean, isn't that a pretty appealing idea anyway?) VMVO adds that people at Pan hate Neptune as much as she does. Hey, here's a thought: why don't y'all move fifteen miles inland yourselves? I mean, with all the complaining you do about the high school and your standard of living in Neptune, it seems like a logical solution to me.
Anyway, in the Pan cafeteria, VMVO tells us that you can always spot the popular kids in high school, as she settles on...Mac from 7th Heaven. Hee. Ha ha. Hee hee. Ah ha ha ha ha. VMVO, ladies and gentlemen! Try the fish sticks, they're delicious! Mac, dressed in a letterman's jacket, calls to Veronica that they have some room at their table. That's a surprise. Mac introduces himself as "Richie," and shakes Veronica's hand. She notes his number, and feigns trepidation as she asks, "Thirteen. Is it my unlucky day?" I'd let Sara M field that one, but I don't feel like cleaning spit off my TV. I had enough of that when The Mountain was on the air. Richie tells her that it's her first day, and that she's already at the cool kids' table. I find it hard to believe he's this funny all the time. Veronica introduces herself as "Betty" and, learning that Richie plays basketball, semi-ditzes that she's a sports freak, and says that at her old school, she was "horny." Richie's friend stifles a spit-take, and Veronica blondely clarifies, "We were the Rhinos! I was the mascot." Hee. Veronica has the slightly nervous ditzy babbling down here, not that that's a surprise. Mac chuckles at the seemingly unintended entendre, and asks what school that was. Veronica: "Riverdale." Hee hee. Mac says he's never heard of it, and his density means that he's going to have to be called Moose. Please ignore any possibility that the name might have a second level of appropriateness. The conversation turns to Neptune and the purloined parrot, and Mac brags that Pan beats Neptune every year, but one of the hangers-on says that this year, "that Fennel kid is amazing." Veronica grins ear-to-ear at that assertion. Aw. Some kid runs in and yells to Richie, "They got our goat! They stole Billy!" Hee and hee. VMVO says some unnecessary stuff, although in the process amusingly she amusingly calls herself "the human Google"...
...and leads us to the sheriff's office, where she exposits that Officer Fuckface is off on an annual marlin-fishing expedition. I can only imagine that she hopes that the appropriate chronicler of said expedition is Hemingway. She adds that she can't let this opportunity slip away. She pours some coffee...
...which flows into a continuation of the earlier flashback, Lianne now drinking a cup of joe. Wonder if she got the bartender to Irish it up. After a bit of chitchat about makeup and the '80s dance, Veronica tells Lianne she knows about her and Jake Kane, and asks why she was so adamant that Keith not go after Jake. Lianne tells Veronica that she was with Jake at the Neptune Grand at the time of the murder. Veronica screws up her face. And here she thought that Paris Hilton and Chardo were going to keep the title of "Most Distasteful Liaison In The Neptune Grand" in perpetuity. Nothing is sacred on this show.
Deputy Leo appears and pulls Veronica out of her reverie with some flirting. That is, if spitting a stream of marbles onto her feet can be considered "flirting." She tells him she needs a big favor -- the interrogation tapes from Lilly's murder investigation. Leo wonders how long it's going to be before she has him committing regicide and throwing eggs at motorcades. Those are about the same thing, right?
Mars Investigations. Keith tells Veronica that the bank called to tell her she's overdrawn, and says he thought she was "squirreling away all that college money." Oy. Are they poor, or not? Because between the detective equipment and the college fund, I'm having a hard time seeing it. And if they are, again, inland sounds like it's a lot cheaper. Also, the later revelation that Veronica is, in fact, broke makes me wonder why she didn't take cash from Clemmons instead of those soft rewards. Veronica says it must be a mistake: "Or I blew it on dames and horses." Keith asks if she'd tell him if there were a problem. Veronica: "I tell you everything." The fact that Keith merely nods at that statements makes me wonder if his flinch reflex has been removed. As Keith goes into his office, VMVO tells us, "Maybe not everything." You don't say...
...that we're back with Lianne, who's slurring that she was just talking to Jake at the Grand, and that it had to be in private. She's certainly putting the "bar" in Barstow. Not that there's much else to do there. Lianne explains that a few days before she left, she was putting away laundry in Veronica's room when the phone rang. Except she uses the expression "putting up" the laundry, which is a Southernism, no? Anyway, Veronica's phone rang, the machine got it, and it was Celeste Kane, saying she had important information for Veronica about Lianne and Jake. Lianne adds that Celeste didn't want Veronica seeing Duncan, which jibes with what Lilly told Veronica back in the second episode. It also would fit with why Duncan broke up with Veronica so suddenly, assuming that Celeste told him about the affair. Lianne says she went to see Jake to get Celeste to back off: "I was protecting you!" So Lianne isn't going to mention the pictures of Veronica in the crosshairs at all? Veronica looks like she doesn't know what to believe. Veronica, I'll buy you a drink and we can talk about it. No rum, no roofies, I promise.
Pan High. Richie is chagrined to learn that his buddy "Zeke" bet money on Neptune. Veronica is there, and I hope this doesn't count toward those excused absences she asked for, or she's a worse negotiator than it looked. Zeke exposits that he got Neptune at no line even though their record is much better, and a bunch of kids are going to go out to "Rest Stop 15" and lay money on the game. "Betty" asks what Rest Stop 15 is, and is told that it's an overlook where kids go to "park," but you can also get any manner of illicit substances there. It seems way contrived that Veronica wouldn't have known about it already, between her ex-popular girl status and her current occupation. I mean, I can see her playing dumb for the benefit of the Pan kids, but from her later conversation with Weevil, it seems like she really was unaware of it. All this exposition about Point Contrivance is interrupted by a bunch of people cheering a geeky-looking kid named "Wilson," who apparently stole Neptune's parrot. The cheering is in turn interrupted by the discovery of an oversized box with a tag reading "Dear Pan High. Bon appetit. Love, Neptune." Veronica looks wary, catching wind of an odor that's either literal, figurative, or both. Richie takes the top off the box, and the sides fall away to reveal many pounds of ground "100% goat meat," and a bell that apparently belonged to Billy. In keeping with my earlier comment, I bet Sam the butcher had his hands full with this one. Anyway, the kids are appropriately outraged, which is to say that there are murmurs, whispers, and, dare I say, a rumbling or two.
Outside, Veronica catches up with Wilson, who, in addition to having horribly flat and greasy hair and being a dork, barely is taller than Veronica. Maybe you should wear your hair like A Flock Of Seagulls, kid -- it'd solve two of your problems. Well, okay, one. Veronica gets him to show her the photo of him with "Polly" that he has stored in his phone, and gushes all over him about how stealing a parrot takes "a real man." I think she's subtexting the sarcasm underneath the ditziness here, so hee. Also, she's watching carefully as he turns the combination to his locker. Wilson claims he just walked into Neptune, and no one even asked him anything. Veronica: "That's so brave! I can't believe that worked." I have to say here that, much like with the voice-overs, a little meta goes a long way. Let's not overdo it, here. Veronica asks Wilson if he'll show her around Rest Stop 15. Wilson nods. That's quite a battle between the blood rushing to take the message "Find out what the hell Rest Stop 15 is!" to his brain, and the blood rushing...in the other direction. Veronica tells him to meet her there at 4. He dorkily scoots off, and Veronica takes the opportunity to open his locker. She grabs Wilson's phone and calls someone, saying she's sending him or her a picture, and asks if he or she has heard of Rest Stop 15. Upon presumably hearing a yes, she's like, "Why doesn't that surprise me?" Damn. Wilson must get good reception if Veronica could reach Lilly.
Point Contrivance. We get a somewhat contrived tableau of kids doing this and that. Wilson pulls up, and is immediately accosted by Weevil, who menaces him about Polly. Wilson confesses that he heard someone took Polly, so he went to a pet store and posed with a parrot, and let it be known that he stole Polly, all to look cool to the Pan students. Weevil thinks the stunt is "this close to taking a hot cousin to your prom." Wilson runs off to call his hot cousin, amazed he never thought of that before. Once he's gone, Veronica appears, having heard the whole exchange from a nearby hiding place. She and Weevil commiserate about how bad they feel for the kid, and then some dude pulls up in a pickup and asks Weevil if he's "the guy." Pretty much, except sometimes when Logan's around. The kid asks Weevil to put him down for a hundred on Neptune, and then greets Veronica as "Betty." Boy, she sure gets around for a social pariah. Weevil regards Veronica with a why-am-I-not-surprised look, and asks "Betty" to excuse them, since they have business to conduct. "Betty" walks off as VMVO tells us that she has business of her own to attend to...
..."Family business." Uch, that is one bad voice-over. Maybe in keeping with Veronica's alter ego, I'll call it BVO. She tells us stuff we basically already knew about Lianne leaving after Keith announced his intention to stay in Neptune and become a PI. We return to Lianne, who wants a beer. I can sympathize, but at least the sun's down where I am. She gets up to go to the bar, but Veronica follows and blocks her. Good way to lose an...everything. Lianne spills that she threatened to slap Jake with a paternity suit and take him for millions. Veronica, voice breaking, asks if Lianne is sure that Jake is Veronica's father. Lianne says no, but she's not sure that Keith is, either. I assume it's between the two, but then again, we don't know how long Lianne's been a drunk.
Deputy Leo arrives, again pulling Veronica out of the flashback. I should mention, by the way, that the flashbacks with Lianne are in normal light, in order to differentiate them from things that happened around the time of the Lilly Kane murder. Leo's smiling, as usual, and toting a wrapped box. He's awfully cheerful for someone who just committed a crime. Veronica opens the box to find the tapes she requested. She thanks Leo, who tells her that what he did qualifies him for a dinner date, and I agree. Why not go a little inland -- you'd be away from prying eyes, and what's more, they make a mean goatburger. Veronica tells Leo that he undershot, since he could have gotten dinner and a movie, and Leo feigns frustration. Don't worry, kids: this dinner's going to come with a show. Veronica turns the subject to sports betting, and asks why a bookie would give an even line if one team was heavily favored. Leo says he wouldn't -- a bookie always keeps the line at a point where the money is divided between the two sides as evenly as possible. (He doesn't go into detail, but basically, if you bet a lot of money on one team, the bookie will move the line so that team is giving more points, and he won't move it back unless someone else puts a relatively close amount of money down on the opposing team.) The bookie looks to make his money on commission by taking a cut of the bets, without risk, so if he accepts bets only on one side of the line, he exposes himself to the possibility of a huge loss. The seemingly only logical conclusion, then, is that the bookie knows something that the people who are betting don't. Veronica gives Leo a long look, wondering how such a cogent explanation could have come out of a mouth stuffed with the entire contents of a nine-ball rack.
Neptune High. Veronica is sitting with Wallace and the jocks. So much for those earlier protestations. Wallace suspiciously grabs some food off the table, makes a suspicious excuse, and runs off suspiciously. Surprisingly, Veronica looks suspicious.
Cut to Veronica catching up with Wallace, asking him what he's up to. He leads her to a van, wherein is contained a goat that's presumably Billy. Kind of cute, for a goat, I guess. I don't have much basis for comparison, ex-boyfriends I may have had notwithstanding. Commercials.
Shut UP, Mischa Barton.
Wallace tries to control Billy as he claims that he and the other guys stole the goat out of school pride. Veronica laughs at his predicament, and leaves.
Newsroom. Duncan is reading aloud a letter to the school newspaper, which calls Polly's kidnapping "an act of terrorism." Yeah, having lived two blocks from the World Trade Center when 9/11 happened, I'm not a big fan of people who bandy the word "terrorism" about. No offense to animal lovers. Not the remotely sane ones, anyway. Veronica notes: "Polly want a payback." Some girl hands Veronica a letter which is supposedly an opposing view for "the uninformed masses." She leaves, and Veronica reads, "Maybe the people who think that the person who took Polly is so awful should stop and think about the person who ripped Polly from her natural habitat and forced her to live in a cage." You know, displays like this demonstrate why they throw out the high and low scores in sports judging. Because the extreme view? Is often a little crazy. Duncan says that the girl must belong to "SAAC," which stands for Students Against Animal Cruelty: "They threw the bucket of blood on the Homecoming Queen a couple of years ago for wearing fur." You know, that's a good way to be haunted by the ghosts of Piper Laurie and Sissy Spacek. Should something fatal ever happen to them, God forbid. Veronica asks if we've learned nothing from Carrie, and I'd be annoyed at her stepping on my punchline, except I referencedCarriein my very firstVeronica Marsrecap, so it's clearly a shout-out from the writers. Sniff. I love you guys! Let's doPippin!
Veronica's baking something as she listens to the interrogation tapes. We flash back to Keith asking Jake about the night of the murder. The two men are bathed in relatively soft light, but the fact that the rest of the room is dark combined with a very slight strobe-like editing effect makes the whole scene completely creepy. I know from Rob Thomas that the show is going for an entirely different look in flashbacks not pulled directly from Veronica's memories, and this one is a striking success. Jake claims that Celeste was with him at the Grand, and, under pressure from Keith, says they were there for some coitus without interruptus from the kiddus. Jake gives a few details -- that they put on the TV when they got into the room, and that they visited the Grand regularly for those purposes that are the most memorable. Jake's petulant and stubbly in this interview. The forum posters approve.
Cut back to Veronica continuing to bake as Wallace enters. He samples her wares, and upon recognizing them as snickerdoodles, realizes she's the one who's been making his spirit boxes. Veronica: "I used to be on pep squad, remember?" I do, as a matter of fact. And it's a good thing that continuity is calorie-free, or I'd have to go on a serious diet after recapping this episode. Wallace says that Veronica thinks all the school spirit stuff is stupid, but Veronica somewhat meekly counters that Wallace doesn't. Aw. And stuffing my face with yet more continuity, didn't Wallace predict way back in the pilot that Veronica was dying to bake him something? Whatever else I may say about this show, I so appreciate the effort that goes into it. Veronica lets Wallace take a cookie, and then asks him to do "a weird favor without asking any questions." In the spirit of warmth and camaraderie pervading this scene, I'm just going to let that one go. Wallace: "Isn't that the bedrock on which our friendship was founded?" Hee. Veronica hoists what looks like a big rubber tree plant, and asks Wallace to, when he picks up his mom at Kane Software, put the plant on Clarence Wiedman's assistant's desk: "It's from her secret admirer." Good for you, Veronica. Is she hot?
Veronica applies lip gloss as she now listens to her dad interrogate Celeste. Long-haired Celeste petulantly says that she and Jake were there together, but the details of her story don't match up with Jake's: she says they had champagne, didn't watch TV, and were there for a special occasion. Also, obviously, she doesn't mention Lianne's being there, not that Jake did either. Back in the present, Keith does a Joe Friday-like impression as he genially tells Veronica that her date's there. I knew saving Keith's life would help Leo in the nookie department.
Veronica and Leo walk into a restaurant as Leo tells Veronica that, in his culture, "Chinese food is always followed by gelato." It's also followed by a pretty hot kiss, if what unfolds on screen is any indication. Unfortunately, when they're led to their table, they bump smack into the Kane parents, Duncan, and Meg. I think you'll agree that though I said this in the recaplet, it bears repeating: Un! Comfortable! Meg tries to make the best of things, getting up and giving Veronica a hug and greeting Leo and reintroducing him to Duncan. I should add that Duncan has seemed blissfully unaware of any awkwardness throughout this entire episode and, as is often the case with his character's actions, I have no idea what that's all about. Everyone sits back down, but the cold stares of the Kane parents in Veronica's direction prove that sometimes teenagers can be more mature than their parents. Take that, Mom, and if you try to present a rebuttal, I'll stick my fingers in my ears and hum. Leo sensitively wonders if they should relocate, but Veronica says that where they are is perfect, which sends us into another flashback...
...outside the bar, where Lianne lights a cigarette and tells Veronica that right around the time Lilly died, she and Jake were in the hotel room. This doesn't take into account the fact that Lilly's official time of death was off by hours, so Lianne's statement exonerates no one, including her. Lianne adds that Celeste burst in on them, as she'd been following Jake around, and when Celeste started saying horrible things, Lianne got out of there. Perhaps one of the things Celeste said was, "They just announced free champers downstairs." Lianne adds that she went to the ladies' room in the lobby, and when she came out, she saw Celeste leaving. Veronica puts her head on her mom's shoulder...
...and Leo yet again pulls her out of the flashback. He's handy to have around. He asks her, referring to the menu, if she sees anything she likes, and she answers yes, referring to the man-u. Ew. In keeping with the Monty Python reference from earlier: I'm sorry, I have a cold. VMVO wonders if Celeste saw Lianne in the lobby, and hired Clarence Wiedman to take threatening photos of Veronica to control Lianne. As intricate as that sounds, it's plausible.
Cut to a TV screen, on which Meg is doing a broadcast on Navigator, Neptune's school-news channel. Veronica, wearing a vest with a fake-fur collar that we've definitely seen before, enters a classroom wherein the "opposing viewpoint" girl from earlier is telling another girl, "I don't want to hear about your protein deficiency. You eat eggs, you might as well eat baby." I feel tempted to eat veal in front of her, just to challenge her to come up with a more extreme comparison. Veronica tells the girl she liked her letter, and doffs her fur vest out of "respect," but the girl thinks that Veronica's leather boots are a problem. Veronica asks if she knows anything about Polly. Some other girls try to cut the fur off Veronica's vest, causing Veronica to shriek that the fur is fake. Hee, and duh. Suddenly, an image comes on a computer screen in the room. A masked figure says he's from Pan High, and threatens this: "If Wallace Fennel plays in tomorrow night's game, Polly the Parrot will die." He sends it back to the taped version on Meg. There are plenty of horrified oohs and aahs. And also some satisfied ones, as we'll finally get some answers after the last commercial break.
Neptune High. Outside, Veronica asks Weevil if he took the parrot, obviously assuming that he gave even points on Neptune because he knew he had a way to stop Wallace from playing. Frankly, this seems like an error on her part; it's not like Pan would be such a prohibitive favorite over a Wallace-less Neptune that Weevil would risk losing several grand were Neptune to win anyway. Also, there's no guarantee that Wallace isn't going to play anyway. After a little flirtation, Weevil informs Veronica that, in fact, he has both sides of the line covered, as any bookie would. He also points out that he wouldn't have assisted her in trying to find the parrot if stealing it were his secret plan, and then takes off. In a bird-themed episode, you'd think he would have stayed around to watch her eat a little crow.
Wallace sinks down by his locker. Veronica appears and slides down to him. Wallace somewhat despairingly tells her that the coach and all his teammates want him to play, but that he can't cost Polly her life. Veronica sympathizes, and then asks, "Would it cheer you up if I brought back the goat?" As if they didn't like you over at Pan enough already, Veronica -- you bring Billy back, and you and Richie will be King and Queen of the prom. Of course, the crowns over there come from Burger King, but for fifteen miles inland, that's still pretty classy.
Journalism room. Veronica unceremoniously tells Meg she needs her help, and asks how her broadcast was interrupted. Meg tells her that when there's no breaking news, they use a show they record the night before. Veronica realizes that the kidnapper must have cut the announcement into the tape before it aired that morning. Meg very nicely calls Veronica out on the fact that Veronica's treating Meg like a leper. Veronica turns to go, but Meg calls after her that she wants everything to be okay between them. Veronica somewhat bullshitedly tells Meg they run in different circles, and that she can't start hanging out with people who have ignored and mocked her for a year. Lucky thing I haven't done either, or my chances of scoring an interview with Kristen Bell would be slim to none. Meg suggests that they could have their own circle without the haters, and Veronica noncommittally says that's a possibility, as long as she can get the name "Mrs. Meg Kane" out of her head. Well, you know she was thinking it. But really, Veronica, it would take someone with infinite patience to endure Celeste Kane as a mother-in-law. And given Meg's "Saint Blonde" nickname, don't you think the whole thing fits?
Anyway, perhaps she does, as we cut to Veronica and Meg going over the tape. Meg suggests that they might be able to see a reflection in the shiny gym floor. After some zooming, they discover that the kidnapper has the number 13 on his sneaker. I guess that number was unlucky after all. Meg and Veronica share a conspiratorial smile, and Veronica says she needs a basketball program. Aw, they're friends again! At least until Duncan and Meg get to third base.
Hallway, pre-game. Clemmons is flabbergasted when Veronica enters with Polly and Billy in tow. Delighted, Clemmons asks who had Polly. Veronica sees Richie entering with his team, and asks Clemmons to give her a second. She goes over to Richie, who's happy she made it. In her normal voice, Veronica sincerely tells him that he's a great guy, and that if the popular kids at Neptune were half as nice as he is, she'd want to be popular. Aw. She goes on to wish him good luck, and says he's going to need it: "Wallace Fennel has a killer crossover. But it's really his sweetness and purity of spirit that makes him unbeatable." And I was already feeling diabetic from all the snickerdoodles. No, that's really sweet, and about time that Veronica showed some real affection for her best friend. Richie, for his part, has no idea what Veronica is talking about. Perhaps he'll figure it out on the long, long ride back to Glenoak. Veronica then goes over to the Neptune team, and tells Wallace to warm up, as Polly has been found. She confronts the guy "Jack" whom Wallace laid that sweet move on earlier, and who just happens to be Neptune's number 13. She informs everyone that with Wallace out, Jack, as point guard, could control the outcome of the game, just as he did the year before, when he blew two free throws in the final minute. If that's true, I'm guessing Wallace wasn't the person who christened that flagpole. Veronica adds that she posed as a cheerleader to Jack's mom, and told her they needed Polly for the game that night, and she produces pictures of Polly in Jack's bedroom to squelch any lingering doubts. Veronica speculates that to cover Weevil's Neptune bets, Jack must have bet thousands on Pan to win. Clemmons leads Jack away, no doubt doing him a favor before his teammates can get him into the locker room. The coach -- who I think is the same guy that broke up the fight between Logan and the biker in "Clash Of The Tritons" -- tells Wallace he's in. Veronica calls him "Air Fennel," and the team heads into the gym. VMVO says that the ritual of the big game is another "high-school high that makes me want to eat rocks," but for Wallace...she smiles and heads into the gym.
Chez Mars. VMVO tells us that she's saved nearly every penny she's earned since she started working for Keith, but that her college money is gone now. She implies that she had several thousand dollars saved up, which I find a little hard to believe, especially given that she spent a shitload of money on Keith's Christmas present. Of course, if I know the writers, they've got a spreadsheet detailing every penny she's earned entitled "Shut UP, Couch Baron," so perhaps I'll take their advice here. Besides, if she won the poker game, as was strongly implied, that's a profit of two grand over the Christmas present right there. We're back with Lianne, as she tries to dissuade Veronica from writing a check. Turns out Veronica's paying for Lianne's rehab. This was a lot funnier on Absolutely Fabulous, you know. Maybe that difference is why they have that thing called "genre." Lianne tells Veronica that twelve weeks in rehab aren't going to do anything that she can't do herself. I think they can do a lot of things you seem to be unable to do yourself. Your hair and makeup come to mind. Sad music plays as Veronica emotionally tells Lianne that she wants her to come home. They both tear up, and Lianne agrees to the rehab.
Back in the present, Veronica wipes a tear from her eye, and then calls Keith into her room. Keith appears, smilingly noting that Neptune slaughtered Pan the night before. Heh. I'm picturing Jack working at the Sac-n-Pac. Veronica asks Keith to answer something honestly, and he agrees. Veronica: "Why would a person agree to confess to a murder he didn't commit?" Keith looks discomfited, but keeps his promise: "Money. A lot of it." Veronica points out that the money won't be any good where Koontz is going. Paper does tend to burn. Keith speculates that the money could be going on to a loved one. He leaves, and once he's safely gone, Veronica picks up the panda bug and says this into it: "Wait, Dad, you know what? I think I know who's collecting the money from Abel Koontz's confession." Fitting that the bug is being used as bait. VMVO says that now we'll learn how well Wallace follows instructions. Considering that he's been following your instructions for sixteen episodes now, I going to go out on a limb and say he's probably pretty good at it. She adds that, obviously, the rubber tree plant contained a bug of her own, and as she listens, Wiedman's distinctive voice comes and asks his assistant "Lois" to get him "Amelia DeLongpre." Using the computer, she quickly discovers that Amelia DeLongpre is Koontz's daughter. Well. Koontz may not have long to live, but it's going to be long enough that he'll regret ever messing with Veronica Mars.