Hey, You Can Spell "Triton" Without "Trite"!

S01E12

Much later, Wallace is napping as Veronica discovers that no one opened the locker. She wonders how the person could have gotten Wallace's money or his name. Wallace: "Veronica, I'm still here, you know?" Hee, especially if that's the writers poking fun at the VMVOs. I didn't want to be the only one. She notes that 110 is a top locker. I thought the odd lockers were always on top, but whatever. Veronica: "I know how it went down." Wallace: "Great. Can I go home?" Yes, Wallace, you're done here. And good work.

Mars Investigations. Keith thanks Haaron for stopping by. Haaron says he had to be at school at 9 for Logan's disciplinary meeting. Keith tells him he found out who's been leaking the pictures: "You're not gonna like it." I don't know about that, Keith. I saw him smiling pretty orgasmically in the accessories section of Brooks Brothers not too long ago.

Veronica brings donuts to Officer Fuckface: "I thought for a change, you might be interested in having a real criminal stand trial." Well, okay, but I don't have much faith in California juries. We'll see what happens with Michael Jackson. Veronica hands Fuckface a yearbook and an envelope, and tells him that all he has to do is pick anyone's name in the yearbook, have one of his "minions" drop an envelope with the name and $250 in locker 110, and by that afternoon, the kid will have an ID, and Fuckface will have his man: "And I'll be sittin' over here, chillin' like a villain." Fuckface obediently plays along. Keep it up, Fuckface, and I might give you a better nickname. How does "Backup 3.0" grab you? When Fuckface is gone, Veronica calls Rick and tells him to come down to the sheriff's office that afternoon, as she found out who the Tritons are. Oh, Rick, you're not the smartest, are you? But I guess we knew that, with the Tritons spurning you and all. Oh, sorry. Too soon?

Lynn and Logan are waiting outside Clemmons's office when Haaron shows up. He asks Lynn what the plan was -- sweeten up the divorce settlement, or "turn [him] into Costner?" Dude. The Postman doesn't ring twice. And even atheists can thank God for that. Lynn bites out: "Did it ever occur to you I just want to hurt you like you've hurt me?" Logan sarcastically asks if he's going to live with "Grandma," but the hurt gets through the sarcasm a little. Haaron snarls that if Lynn tries to divorce him, he'll leave her with nothing. I thought California had a little thing called "common-law marriage," but given certain recent developments, my interest in becoming an expert on the subject has waned considerably. Haaron starts to detail all the ways he'll ruin Lynn, but Logan interjects that if Haaron says another word, Logan will kill him. Haaron looks intimidated, apparently a believer in the saying "Like father, like son." Lynn says she can't take any more of this, and stalks off. After a beat, Haaron gets up as well. And either Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin have had some marital strife they can channel, or they're better actors than I thought. Also, I wasn't sure about this stuntcasting, but the three episodes these two have been in have been some of the best of the series so far, and the Echolls family is shaping up to be far more interesting than I would have originally guessed. Lynn marches out to her car (which bears the license plate "Echolls2"), gets in, and pops some pills. Given what's about to happen, I'm starting to sense a "drugs are bad" message here. Given my obvious like of the show, I'm going to ignore said message. A Vicodin would really help with that.

Inside, as Veronica fidgets with BSK!'s stapler, BSK! exposits that, after Lilly's death, Veronica was inconsolable, and that she hopes that Veronica will be able to talk about it now, so that she can come to terms with it. Veronica, while idly continuing to play with the stapler, smiles big and says, "Wow. I have that exact same platitude-a-day calendar at home. It's how I know beauty comes from within." Hee. But outer beauty doesn't hurt either, although it can lead to stalkers. (Tip for Jason Dohring and Francis Capra: Keep those wedding rings on. If you take them off for any reason, the forum posters will know.) BSK! notes that Veronica doesn't care for her. The combination of Veronica's sarcasm and the "Out, vile jelly" vibe she's sending with the stapler must be what finally tipped her off. BSK! starts to suggest that Veronica talk to someone else, but Veronica apologizes for being rude, and clarifies that talking is the problem -- she wants to use her grief as fuel. In one of the innumerable instances of character consistency on this show, I'll point out that that's exactly how she behaved with the counselor her mom made her see. Noting that it's making BSK! nervous, Veronica puts the stapler back on the desk, but she doesn't set it down properly, and it falls. With an apologetic smile, she reaches down to pick it up, but instead pulls out an identical-looking one from her bag and switches it for the original. Ooh, sneaky. BSK! asks how Veronica's going to find closure. Veronica, with a steely look: "I'll find closure when Lilly's killer's rotting away in prison." BSK! just stares. I hope you didn't do it, BSK!. There are easier ways to get government grants, after all. Why not murder the environment instead?

Some dude is looking at what looks like contact sheets in the journalism area. Another dude comes in with a note summoning him to the principal's office. The dude looks like he just got busted shoplifting. In Les Miserables.

Office. The guy, "Rick," sits down in front of VP Clemmons and Officer Fuckface. Fuckface quickly starts berating Rick, saying that Rick's buddy "Tim," whom he was out with the night before, is in an alcohol-induced coma. Also, Rick apparently tossed an unconscious Tim out of his car at the hospital at 1:30 AM. Rick stammers that he didn't have a choice, but Fuckface grabs his arm, revealing stamps from several different bars. They're all kind of bright and pastelly, making me wonder exactly what kind of bars they were. This was hazing here, after all. Fuckface wants to know how they got in. The answer is fake IDs, and Fuckface, examining Rick's, says those IDs been all over the place, and they've got to be coming from Neptune High. As an aside, I'm surprised Fuckface didn't bring up the whole issue of Rick, a probable minor, drinking and driving, particularly since his blood-alcohol content would likely have registered on a breathalyzer as "Billy Martin." Fuckface leans on Rick for his supplier, and Rick slowly stands. We get a close-up of his mouth as he intones, "Veronica Mars." Fuckface looks like Christmas has spilled over into January. And given how good this episode is, he's right.

Veronica rounds a corner to see Fuckface and Clemmons in front of her locker. She makes an "oh, what-EVER" face, although I'd have thought she'd be a little more fazed, considering this is one locker search she didn't know about in advance. Maybe she just thinks that Fuckface has nothing better to do, and I have a hard time disagreeing with her there. Clemmons informs Veronica that Fuckface would like to search her locker, and I'm sure she hadn't figured that out, what with her being a PI IN TRAINING AND ALL. As she playfully turns the combination lock, she idly asks them what they expect to find. Fuckface tells her about the fake IDs. She tells them she hates to disappoint them, as the locker swings open. A bunch of blank fake California driver's licenses fall to the floor in slow motion like snow. The South American kind, given their felonious nature. By the way, the shield on Fuckface's jacket says "Balboa County," which is in Newport Beach. Oh, Fuckface -- as if your character wasn't bad enough. Now you've launched what I believe is referred to as "crossover fic." Veronica drops the cutesy act for a second and says the stuff in the locker isn't hers. Fuckface searches Veronica's wallet, and finds a bunch of fake IDs -- one Lilly Kane's driver's license, one a license for a twenty-two-year-old Veronica, a San Diego State student ID, and one that certifies Veronica as a licensed massage therapist. Oh, remember when I complained that there's no way Veronica could pass for Lilly? It's Veronica's picture on Lilly's ID. Also, she probably made the San Diego State ID for use in "The Wrath Of Con," as that's where the internet-scam kids went. Man, this show rules. And since it's gotten to the point where there's really nothing bad to say about it, it doesn't really fit our profile anymore, so I'm afraid this is going to be the last TWoP recap for this show.

Jeez, kidding! Heh. As Bugs Bunny would say, Ain't I a stinker? (Did you ever notice that Bugs wasn't a very nice bunny?)

Veronica goes sunny again as she realizes she's totally busted, and assures Fuckface that he doesn't need to handcuff her. Fuckface: "You're right about that. But I'm going to anyway." Veronica looks shocked, but I don't know why. You can't expect a guy to extend professional courtesy when the words "professional" and "courtesy" aren't in his vocabulary individually. Clemmons adds insult to injury by telling Veronica she's suspended for three days, and just to put a nice rotten cherry on this ice cream sundae of annoyance, the bell rings, and kids pile out in the hallway to witness Veronica being led away with her hands cuffed behind her back. Logan's there to give her a nice sarky salute, while Fuckface should consider using Veronica as a shield to cover his massive hard-on. "Massive," as always, being a relative term. A girl snaps a photo of the moment. VMVO: "Gosh, I hope they use that shot in the yearbook." I doubt it, Veronica. Because by the time it comes out, that photo will have been seen on the internet more times than Paris Hilton's sex video. And between the handcuffs and your reputation at this school, said viewings will have been used for purposes just as nasty. Credits.

Taye Diggs, nice suits and all, but I don't recall your show making EW's Top Ten Best New Shows list. Good thing UPN had someplace else to turn.

Veronica's in an office at the sheriff's department when Cliff enters. Veronica: "Know any good lawyers?" Hee. Cliff says he only knows an adequate one, but he just posted her $500 bail. I'm surprised they would set bail for a minor for this offense. Veronica: "They take Diners Club here?" Oh, so the bail was for the joke. Frankly, I would have let that one rot. Veronica drops the act and thanks Cliff, and then asks him not to tell her dad. Cliff says that Keith is going to find out one way or another, despite the fact that he's currently in Arizona chasing a bail-jumper, and informs Veronica that her court date is set for the following Tuesday at 9 AM. Veronica asks what they're going to do about beating this rap, and Cliff informs her that her the fake IDs in her wallet are "Mickey Mouse." However, the ones in the locker spell intent to distribute, which is far more pernicious, thus making them Disney's management team. Veronica points out that the IDs were blank, and Cliff agrees that the only thing really tying her to the "supposed fake ID ring" is the testimony of "the other kid," meaning Rick. Veronica asks whom he's talking about, and as it happens, Rick is walking by the door right then and there. Veronica calls, "Excuse me!" The words "While I yank your small intestine out through your throat" are evident in her tone. While it's possible she learned that in drama school, it's not making me anxious to pull Kristen Bell's hair or anything.

In the hallway, Veronica shoves Rick up against the wall and is like, we don't even know each other, so what the hell gives? Rick stammers that "they" told him to say Veronica sold him the ID. Veronica wants to know who "they" are, but Rick whispers that he can't tell her, since "they" are everywhere. I doubt "they" are in the sheriff's office, Rick. This isn't L.A. Confidential. Ooh, pardon me while I think of mid-'90s Guy Pearce for a moment. Which of course makes me think of Priscilla, which just brings me around to Logan. I mean, can't you see him singing ABBA? And I'm not saying he has to do it in drag, but he doesn't seem one for half-assing. In all seriousness, if they don't do a musical episode of this show, it will be a tragedy on the scale of...well, it'll be a tragedy on the scale of the fact that they are doing a musical episode of 7th Heaven. And not even Greece produced anything quite as tragic as that. Sing, bitches. Anyway, Veronica says they can have a secret meeting at school, and that that Rick will be hearing from her. Loudly, I'd be willing to bet. As Veronica leaves, Rick whines, "I thought you were expelled!" Hey, Rick? I'm going to use the fact that you said "they" are everywhere as a convenient excuse to tell you this: SHUT UP.

Mars Investigations. Wallace enters and smiles, "I heard it took three officers and a stun gun to haul your butt out of school." Aw. Veronica says he must have been the only one who didn't see her "walk of shame." Wow. I would have thought someone who hoofed her underwear into town in bare feet to get laughed at by the town asshole might be hesitant to bandy that particular term about. ["Plus the phrase she really meant was 'perp walk,' anyway." -- Wing Chun] She asks Wallace for a favor, which he hopes involves seducing the head cheerleader. Veronica tells him that what she needs is for him to get a fake ID, but that he should imagine he's going to score with said cheerleader. I think he imagines that most nights, and on the ones he doesn't, he has a lot of trouble falling asleep. Wallace sits down to Veronica and breathily puts on an act of asking her to get him a fake ID. Whoa, what happened there? Because Percy Daggs's acting was like a shot of espresso. Considering I find his normal style to have the same effect as valerian root, we could really be getting somewhere. Veronica asks if he could possibly find out who else is supplying IDs, and Wallace goes to try out his growing chops on someone new.

Logan pulls into the school parking lot. He hears a couple of idiots on the radio talking about Haaron getting stabbed. Oh, are they still talking about that? It seems so long ago. Of course, the fact that it seems so long ago doesn't change the fact that WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM. Logan's lip twitches as the DJ idiots go on about his father's infidelity. Some kid knocks on the window for Logan, and Logan's voice shakes a little as he says he'll be right there. He takes another moment to compose himself. Since I've seen the scene already, Logan, I'll give you a little advice: No rush.

And that's because, inside, tons of kids are checking out tabloid shots of Logan's parents and the Carver that are taped to Logan's locker. One of the kids is a biker we've seen before, who snarks that Logan's mom is "totally hotter" than the Carver. Ooh, bad move, biker guy. No one likes having his mom objectified, but with the LIPS, Lynn could suck a golf ball through a garden hose, so Logan's bound to be especially sensitive. The two of them scuffle, Logan getting slightly the worse of it. They quickly get broken up. Some posters were happy to see a shot of Logan's abs as he's dragged away. Personally, I don't think it gets any better than reindeer boxers and nothing else, but some people are never satisfied.

It's Weevil's turn in BSK!'s office. He claims not to remember the week Lilly died. Sorry, kid, but there's only one allotment of that excuse around here, and priority is going to have to go to the pill-popping brother whom we've seen acting loopier than Farrah Fawcett on a Tilt-a-Whirl. BSK! calls Weevil on his bullshit, saying she remembers how angry he was. He tells her he was upset because a little girl in his neighborhood disappeared at the same time Lilly did, and there was nowhere near the investigation in her case. Considering that BSK! takes the time to give us the girl's name, "Marisol Reyes," many of the forum posters think she may end up being important in some way. Of course, many of the posters think that just about everyone on this show is related. I'm not judging -- I'm just saying that's gross.

As the conversation continues, we see that Veronica is hearing it on her radio through a transmission from the stapler she planted. Boy, Veronica, with your spying abilities, maybe you should take over for Sydney Bristow. You've got the requisite family troubles, they take social misfits, and you'd get to sleep with Michael Vartan. On second thought, stay where you are -- I'll take over for Sydney Bristow. BSK! reads Weevil a letter he apparently wrote to Lilly, saying that "what they had" may have meant nothing to her, but it tore his heart out. Many people, despite these words, seem to think there's still a possibility that Weevil and Lilly are related. I will simply stand behind Occam's Razor, and furthermore opine that if William of Occam had a sister, he never wrote her a letter like that. Weevil's offended that BSK! has that letter, but it's because Lilly was "having trouble" with a boy in gym class, and Lilly gave BSK! the letter to prove it. If BSK! put it together that it was Weevil just from his reaction after Lilly died, she's not a bad sleuth herself. Maybe Veronica shouldn't have been so dismissive of her as a possible stepmother. Weevil emotionally says he never would have hurt Lilly, as Veronica is floored about "Lilly and Weevil?" Weevil explains that Lilly and Logan had just broken up, and Lilly swore she wouldn't go back to him, but she did, and what's more, afterward she acted like she and Weevil didn't even know each other. Weevil, starting to cry, goes on that he could have loved Lilly, and he knows she felt the same way. Okay, seriously, I can't believe anyone could think he's talking about her as a sister here. If he said he loved her, I could see the ambiguity. But "could have loved" has to at least partially be referring to the horizontal sense. VMVO: "Why didn't Lilly tell me about him? Was Weevil her big secret?" Well, I certainly hope so. If that's her small secret, she must have been leading one hell of a double life. Which, given her similarities to Laura Palmer, is entirely possible. But if that's true, they'd damn well better do a better job on the prequel. I have no desire to see Lilly Kane: Pretentious And Boring Crap Walk With Me.

Outside tables. Rick gets a call on his cell from Veronica: "Back parking lot, fourth row." Well, it's about time she lived up to her reputation. Rick gets to the row in question and asks where she is. After confirming that no one's watching Rick, she opens her car door, revealing that she'd covered her car with a blue tarp. I guess we know now how they filmed all those flashbacks. Well, anything to keep the production values down. Veronica tells Rick, "Slide on in." Huh. I guess the radio signal she's getting from the stapler is interfering with her double entendre detector. Veronica asks who framed her, and Rick tells her that they're called the Tritons, which is a secret society that's as old as the school. Six male juniors are chosen each year by the six male seniors, and Rick and Coma Friend were among the pledges. He adds that no one even knows who the seniors are, prompting Veronica to ask who invited him to pledge. Rick flashes back to finding a note in his locker. Back in the present, he tells Veronica that the bar incident was all hazing -- "the twelve labors." You know, I have to ask -- do we really need secret societies anymore? What do they do? Because at this point, the electric car isn't going anywhere (not with Ed Begley Jr. as an enthusiastic supporter), and these days, not even the Freemasons could make Steve Guttenberg a star. Anyway, Rick found an ID in his locker and a note saying that he and Tim had to drink a shot at each of twelve different bars, but Tim passed out after the eleventh, whereupon Rick took him to the hospital. Rick goes on to say that his dad was a Triton, as were his two older brothers. Back in the past, in the room we first saw him in, Rick flashes to getting a note with the seal of the Tritons, telling him to blame Veronica. That would be a catchy tune if her name were only one syllable shorter. I'm going to arbitrarily blame our neighbors to the North for not naming their country "Canarctica." Rick trembles that if anyone finds out he spilled the Tritons' secrets, he'd be "better off in jail. These guys will destroy your life -- it's their mission statement." Veronica points out that Rick's excuse for his behavior is poor, and he agrees, but he wants the Tritons to pay. Considering the zip code in which they're likely to live, I just bet he does. Veronica asks who the other pledges are, and Rick tells her that the Tritons choose the best guys at everything -- academics and sports, for example. He rattles off names, and Duncan is one of them. So they also choose guys based on large pecs and the ability to, at times, closely resemble a block of wood. One would think they'd have a lot more pledges, then.

Veronica puts a tracker on Duncan's car. Geez, at this rate, she's going to know what everyone's saying and doing. Good thing she's not a believer in therapy, because her bills would be through the roof.

Zoom in on Logan, sitting nervously outside Clemmons's office. Haaron sweeps out, and Logan asks how long he got. His delivery suggests that this is a question he's asked many times, and that's confirmed by Haaron informing him that they have to return on Friday for a disciplinary hearing. Oh, nothing's going to happen to him. I mean, his dad can't be out of cheesy movie costumes yet. Outside, Haaron tells Logan he's not happy he was fighting, but that he's proud of him for sticking up for Lynn. Oh, that comment is rich. Lucky thing it's in good company. Logan contemptuously says that now he can die happy, and Haaron menaces that he might just help arrange that. Before the scene can turn ugly, however, Lynn walks up and smilingly asks if everything is okay. Everything's great, Lynn! Let's all sing the Barney theme song!

Mars Investigations. Veronica bustles in to find Cliff sitting at her desk. She apologizes for being late, but Cliff gives a pointed nod, and Keith appears from the kitchen with an "Explain yourself, young lady" look on his face. Veronica: "Hi Dad! Their case is fuzzy and circumstantial!" Keith smiles to Cliff: "You know the odd thing? Those were also her very first words." Well, if I had a kid, I can't imagine that those words would be high on the list of "sentences that fill me with fatherly pride." Also, I'm not sure whether hearing them from a toddler or from a teenager would be the more disturbing. Veronica babbles out the story about Rick and the Tritons, but the adults inform her that Coma Friend's parents are suing just about everyone in town, including them. True story: When I was in college, this guy got so drunk he climbed up on the shuttle train that ran onto campus. No matter how blurry his vision at that point, you'd think he would have been able to read the sign that said "10,000 VOLTS," considering the type was so big that Hans Moleman could read it without glasses. But he got electrocuted and lost parts of one arm and both legs, and successfully sued the university, the railroad, and several other local institutions. And not only did he not stop drinking after that, he used to entertain his idiot friends by feeding his guide dog beer. My point? Coma Friend's family members are assholes, and if Coma Friend wakes up, I have no doubt he's still going to fit right in. Anyway, Cliff says that the lawsuit could be worth millions, and everyone looks worried. Too bad you shredded those test results, Veronica. It might be handy right now to have a dad who pays more in annual taxes than most people see in a lifetime or ten.

Mars Investigations. Keith's lying on the couch when Haaron enters holding a couple of magazines. Keith offers him some water as Haaron sits down with a wince: "So, I guess I should have canceled that party after all." Keith chuckles, failing to add, "You also probably shouldn't have banged a psycho, told her you loved her, and tossed her out with the trash." One thing you obviously have to learn as a PI is restraint. Haaron pops some pills, so at least his wound is still causing him some pain. He tells Keith that the tabloid stories are tearing his family apart, and his daughter "Trina" is the only one who'll still talk to him. Well, if she's on his side, that probably means she and Logan aren't so much the loving brother and sister. Which, if half the forum posters' theories about siblings on this show are correct, will be a refreshing change around here. Haaron says he can't blame Logan or Lynn for the scandal, which means that his powers of rationalization only go so far. But I'd be happy to give him the number of a crazy ex-friend of mine any time he wants to go pro. Don't worry, even if she's reading this, she wouldn't think it's her. Sort of a twist on the "You're So Vain" mindset. Keith asks who would be privy to the Echolls family secrets, and Haaron can't think of any prime suspects. Keith says he'll dig around, but Haaron cautions him that Lynn is fragile: "I don't know how much more scandal she can take." Looking at my DVR, my estimation is just over half an hour. Keith reassures Haaron, and then leans in for a round of tonsil hockey. Well, not really, but another foot or so and there would have been absolutely nothing else to do.

Chez Mars. Veronica's looking up a picture and description of Triton, son of Neptune. I would have thought an apple-polisher like Veronica would have the entire Olympian family tree memorized. And now that I think of it, being able to track labyrinthine genealogies is certainly a skill that could come in handy in Neptune. Wallace busts in and says that no one he talked to at school knew anything about fake IDs. Veronica sighs in despair, but the punchline is that, at the Sac-n-Pac, a kid from Wallace's Biology class used a fake ID to buy a sixer. Veronica excitedly asks if he found out where the kid got it. Wallace: "Slow down! This is my story." Veronica looks at him with newfound respect. I am surprised to find myself in agreement. Anyway, Wallace says he threatened to expose the kid's use of the fake with the store's surveillance tape, and got all "Shaft" on him. Veronica: "Shut yo' mouth!" Heh. Anyway, it turns out there's a mystery locker at school. You put your name and $250 in locker 110 first thing in the morning, and in the afternoon there's an ID with your name and picture and a 1983 birthdate. Veronica asks him if he's really willing to put that much money in a locker as an experiment. Wallace: "Hell, no. I'm usin' your money." Wallace, that's about the first scene of yours where I can truly say this: Yeah, I can dig it.

School. A custodial staff member is buffing the floor over the seal that says "Neptune Pirates." VMVO notes that the school's insignia contains Triton's conch shell. Oh, man. The word "conch" makes me think of fat kids and splattered brains. Well, I didn't really want brunch anyway. Veronica checks around to make sure that the coast is clear, and then breaks into a display case as VMVO tells us that locker 110 isn't assigned to anyone, but clearly someone has the combination. As she sets up a surveillance camera in the display case, VMVO goes on to say that all she has to do is see who opens the locker to retrieve the cash: "This is made tougher, though not impossible, by my suspension." I find it hard to believe that even the custodial staff wouldn't recognize Veronica. Much more credible is the likely reality that they don't give a flying fuck. Veronica focuses the camera on the mystery locker as we cut to Wallace dropping the money in.

BSK! welcomes Logan to her office. Logan: "Thanks for getting me out of a Calculus test, Becky." As many posters pointed out, it's a little unlikely that Logan, a junior, would be taking Calculus, especially since it's implied that he's pretty academically apathetic. A sentiment I share about this plot point, leaving off the "academically" part. BSK! neutrally asks him to call her "Miss James."

Cut to Veronica's Car Of Hiding In Plain Sight, sometime later. Veronica perks up as Logan tells BSK! that the week Lilly died would have been their second anniversary, and that they'd been together since junior high. BSK!: "Off and on?" Logan bitterly confirms that, and that they were "off! Temporarily," at the time of Lilly's death. Not to add to your obvious pain, kiddo, but you're not getting back together at this point unless you want to lug her bones around to parties with you. And, while that would make a great conversation piece and would save you lots of money on dates, I still think it'd get old pretty fast. BSK! asks why they were off. Logan, eyes glistening just a little, tells her they were supposed to go to a party, and Lilly stood him up because she was annoyed with him. He got drunk and kissed another girl "for, like, three seconds." BSK! asks if Lilly saw him, and the answer is no, but someone else did: "You must know her. Word is you're real close with her dad. You could do better." BSK! icily tells him to leave her out of this, and says it sounds like he blames Veronica. Logan: "You know, Veronica was my friend, too. And if she hadn't ratted me out, then Lilly and I would have stayed together." His voice starts to break as he continues, "And Lilly wouldn't have been alone that day. I would have been there. So yeah, I blame Veronica. And I blame myself for being stupid, and I blame Lilly for being a bitch that week." BSK! points out that if Logan had been with Lilly, he might be dead too. Logan, tearfully: "And what is so great about living?" Veronica looks like that thought's running through her mind as well. Man, great scene, leading to so many questions. Why did Lilly stand him up -- was it only because she was pissed off at him, or did the weirdness with Veronica over her and Duncan breaking up have anything to do with it? Was Lilly with Weevil? Did Veronica wrestle with the decision to tell Lilly, given that she and Logan were close friends? Most interestingly, does his stepping out on Lilly, given how he sees the consequences, make his father's infidelity especially offensive and bitter to him? I can't answer any of those questions, so I'll just say this: When the scenery hears that Jason Dohring's coming in for a shoot, it breathes a sigh of relief.

Veronica's tracking Duncan's car as Wallace enters. She absently asks how practice was, since apparently Wallace is on the basketball team now. She asks if he'd like to go on a field trip: Duncan's on the move: "If we hurry, we might be able to make it for the branding and the blood sacrifice." The way this season's been going, that could be a Roadblock on The Amazing Race. And if she's still on the show by then, I hope Victoria has done her limit, so her soul-sucking husband will have to put up. (Shutting up's clearly impossible for him.) Wallace says he was planning on hitting a few bars, and shows her his brand-spanking-new ID. Veronica looks at it, declares the workmanship shoddy, and notes that Wallace's yearbook picture was used. Yeah, I'd think bars might be a little suspicious of an ID with a photo of a kid in a cap and gown. Veronica bluntly declares the thing to be a piece of crap. "Now I'm not just falsely accused, I'm genuinely offended." Hee. Now you know how the TWoP staff feels when idiots write in gems like, "You guyz suk!!!!! Hier me -- am funnee and my Inglish iz grrrreat!!!!" Yes, I'm exaggerating. No, not by much.

As they enter some bar-looking place, Veronica cautions Wallace to be careful, as the Tritons are bad news. Wallace mockingly says he's so, so afraid. Hee. Inside, they bear witness to a karaoke bar, where Duncan is hammily singing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot." Given how people like to read into EVERYTHING on this show, I'm surprised no one called this as foreshadowing Duncan's death. Don't tell Teddy Dunn I said that -- I don't want it to affect his performance. As Duncan gets his marks from the three "judges," VMVO tells us that she's sure the Tritons regard this initiation as painful for the pledges: "But, honestly, aren't we the real victims?" Well, it really depends on who's singing. But if it's going to be a bunch of drunken high-school boys, I'd agree that her warning to Wallace is looking less and less idle. Veronica confronts Duncan about the IDs in her locker and Coma Friend's coma, but Duncan will only respond to her in pangrams. She doesn't seem to pick up on that, but it must be part of his hazing ritual. It would have been a lot more fun if he'd had to speak only in tongue-twisters. I get tangled up just trying to type "She sells seashells by the seashore." And let's not even bring up Peter Piper. Veronica disgustedly walks away.

Sometime later, Veronica suggests to Wallace that they get out of there, but Duncan comes by and, with a wordless wry smile, hands her a note. It reads, "The judges hold the vital scores. You shall hear my voice once I've heard yours." It's signed, "The Great Triton." Veronica, not to spoil anything, but pay no attention to that second-rate Greek deity behind the stall door...er, "curtain." The dude on stage finishes his song ("Hokey Pokey," if you can believe that), and the emcee comes out and announces the singer, "Veronica Mars." Everyone starts chanting for her to sing. A few moments later, the actors in the bar follow suit. Veronica turns back to the note in alarm. Well, hon, you've got the commercial break to warm up those pipes.

Veronica steels herself and goes to the stage. She whispers something to the emcee -- presumably her song choice, although there's no way they could get it set up that quickly, but whatever. Veronica tells us that the song she's going to sing goes out to the Tritons, and Blondie's "One Way Or Another" kicks up. Hee. A little anvilicious? Probably. Do I care? Not a bit, because the message of the song is completely steamrolled by Veronica's over-the-top hamming, which is nice to see for three reasons: One, Veronica's genuinely enjoying herself, which, despite her quick wit and sunny smile, doesn't happen all that often. Two, she's getting some social acceptance, because the audience is into it. And three, if you're not hamming it up when you do karaoke, you're not in the same solar system as the point. The only thing off about this scene is the editing -- there are way too many quick cuts to the audience, and they're jarring and distract from Kristen Bell's performance. But the judges love her, and Duncan smiles. The emcee hands her a note with the Triton insignia on it. It says, "Meet me in the bathroom -- alone." Whoa, dude. It's not like she sang "Call Me."

In the bathroom, Veronica talks to a stall. Someone inside claims to be the Great Triton. He's trying to project a grand and omnipotent vibe, but only comes off sounding like a long period of constipation is about to end. Which is entirely possible if he's one of the pledges, because drinking something containing a laxative could easily be one of the hazing rituals. You might even call it a "rite of passage." You might also be fired if you did, as I expect I now am. ["Eh. It's a hassle to replace someone halfway through the season." -- Wing Chun] Veronica, braver than I would be, opens the door and finds some blond guy sitting, fully clothed, on the toilet. He confesses that he got paid twenty bucks, as some guy asked him to help pull a prank on the guy's friends. He snaps his fingers and gives her a "Gotcha!" face, which was kind of funny. Not so funny that Veronica doesn't close the door in his face, however. She leaves.

School. Veronica retrieves the digital card from the camera. Outside, Rick finds her and panickedly tells her that the Tritons must have found out he's talked to her, since he found a rat nailed to his door the night before. Veronica tells him that she's not going to be on the hook for a huge cash settlement just because he's a scaredy-cat candy-ass. He scaredy-cats his candy ass away.

Duncan goes to see BSK! She chides him for missing three appointments, and he apologizes. He's not talking gibberish any more, and even if he were, it would probably have less to do with hazing and more to do with the prodigious size of her rack. Cut to Veronica in her car. Duncan tells BSK! that when Mommie Sneerest used to yell at him, Lilly would surreptitiously make a face that made him lose it. I've been the scoldee and the facemaker in that situation, and it's hard to say which is the more enjoyable. And before you ask, no, my mom doesn't read my recaps. I damn well hope not, anyway. Duncan says that it's like Lilly is still watching him, making that face. He can feel her there all the time. BSK! puts on her best scholarly "Hmm, very interesting" face while involuntarily poking away at the "Security" button she wishes was on the underside of her desk. Duncan notes that he sounds like a psycho, but BSK! doesn't agree. Duncan confesses that he's been feeling this way ever since he stopped taking his meds. So how come we haven't seen more of Amanda Seyfried on the show? BSK! asks if he's had any episodes, and Duncan clarifies that he's just off the antidepressants, but thathe's still taking "the old standbys." VMVO wonders what this all means. It means that you may have a tarp over you right now, Veronica, but you were still far more in the dark a year ago. BSK! tells Duncan that the antidepressants may have interfered with his ability to process Lilly's death. Duncan looks skeptical, and offers the possibility that Lilly's mad that he doesn't remember. BSK! looks alarmed as Duncan says that from soccer practice on the morning of Lilly's death until three days later, he doesn't remember anything. And that means that Teddy Dunn's acting in the pilot when Lilly's body was discovered was far more skilled than it seemed at the time. Well Dunn. Before Veronica can take that in, however, there's a rap at the door. She impatiently wonders if Wallace forgot the secret knock. What she forgot is that Wallace has been on his game this episode. And indeed, it's a bunch of boys in robes and hoods, who reach in and grab Veronica. That was very cool -- it's nice to acknowledge that Veronica's nosiness can get her into physical peril. Always take Backup!

Veronica comes to in the trunk of her car. She calls Wallace, and the presence of her cell phone is kind of a clue that her assailants weren't the most threatening. This is confirmed by a shot of the key in the trunk lock, so apparently they planned for her to call and have someone get her out, although they miscalculated how long it would take her. And it isn't clear how long that is, but sometime later, Wallace shows up, and Veronica stiffly gets out of the trunk and thanks him. She gets into the car and says she has to track Duncan to figure out where the Tritons are meeting, but when she turns the ignition key, she hears chanting coming over W-STAPLE. Inside, she sneaks through the hallways and comes upon the six gold-robed pledges on their knees. I'd make a joke, but she's about to do it for me. The six seniors are in dark green robes, and one of them, holding a conch, tells them they passed the "great Triton test." He tells them that they can look upon the other pledges as their brothers. I think the bond's already pretty strong. It's hard to go back to being just friends once you've all sailed your genitals on the same breeze. Everyone pulls off their hoods, and one of the senior members is MIT Chess Geek, while one of the juniors is, of course, Duncan. Veronica pops out with her big camera and smiles, "Hi everybody! Say repressed homosexuality!" Ha! She runs, and the Tritons chase her. As some posters pointed out, she runs a pretty long way, and it's unlikely that some of the boys wouldn't have caught her, particularly soccer-playing Duncan. But she runs right up the back of her convertible and jumps in the passenger seat, and Wallace peels out of the lot. The Tritons throw their hands up all, "Well, we're busted. Anyone for one last circle jerk before we disband?"

Veronica and Wallace return to her house, psyched about their getaway. Veronica goes to see who opened locker 110.

Fuckface tells Veronica that a felony conviction won't disappear from her record when she turns eighteen. I didn't think that was true, but since the only other time I've heard that rule referenced was on T.J. Hooker, I'd be willing to accept that I was misinformed. The only thing William Shatner's reliable for is getting your RDA of overacting. Rick shows up and asks if "he," meaning the ID peddler, is there yet. Veronica: "He just arrived." Several minutes ahead of his brain, apparently. Veronica calls Rick out, and tells Fuckface to check the bills in Rick's wallet. Fuckface reads: "Veronica Mars is...smarter than me." Hee. Some posters thought Veronica wouldn't make that grammatical mistake, but I contend that she was taking the grammar down to Fuckface's perceived level. Veronica smiles and taps Fuckface as she joshes, "Oh, you stop it!" Hee. She's having a great time in this episode. As are all of us whose last name is not "Echolls." Anyway, it turns out Rick had the locker right under 110, and there was a small opening between the two, so Rick was able to reach up and conduct business. Veronica goes on to explain that Rick and Coma Friend were out drinking the night in question with fake IDs they made themselves, buying drinks with the profits from their own fake ID business. When Coma Friend went into the hospital, Rick blamed the Tritons because he was pissed off that he didn't even get a pledge bid. He dumped a bunch of IDs in Veronica's locker to finger her. We see him doing this in flashback, and it is a glaring oversight that he wasn't wearing gloves or something else to prevent fingerprints. Veronica asks if he blamed her because people would believe she did it. Rick tells him that Keith, post-sheriff position, investigated and arrested Rick's father, a hedge fund manager, for embezzlement, but what no one knew was that his company cheated him out of his bonus three years running. One has to wonder why he didn't leave, of course. And while "hedge fund manager" may seem kind of abstract, I was a stock options trader for ten years. Anyone who knows what that is, send me an email. I don't think I'll need gmail to accommodate the inflow. Anyway, Rick says his family was ruined, and his parents got a divorce: "You must be proud." Veronica winces and half-shuts her eyes. I know you feel bad, girlie, but hold it together. Because giving Fuckface fodder is a felony in my book.

School parking lot. Veronica catches Duncan and hands over the photos of the Tritons she took, telling him he looked cute in one of them. Aw. It's okay to want him back, Veronica. At least until we learn that he killed Lilly after finding out that the two of you are brother and sister. Then it wouldn't be quite as socially acceptable. Duncan says he heard that Coma Friend is now just Friend. Veronica tells him she never should have doubted him, and that she's sorry she came after the Tritons. Duncan: "And...who are the Tritons?" They tee-hee about that, but when he takes off, VMVO wonders what his mystery illness is: "What other pills are you taking?" Acting pills, if Teddy's Dunn's improved performance is any indication.

Cut to the Coronado Bridge, which is apparently about forty minutes from Neptune. Or hundreds of millions of miles, depending on how you look at it. We hear a police dispatch requesting assistance with a "possible jumper," as a crane shot shows us Lynn's car sitting abandoned with the driver's door open. Some posters suggested that leaving the door open is unnatural enough to suggest that she didn't simply commit suicide, and others feel she's still alive. Personally, I feel like the only way she's alive is if the island from Lost is right below that bridge. Or perhaps if she landed on her lips.

We've got three weeks off! The disappointment I feel as a viewer is far outweighed by the relief I feel at the recapping break. See you for sweeps!