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So like, you guys? Remember when the kids on The O.C. went down to Tijuana, and Marissa almost died, except Ryan saved her? Don't you think he was kind of an idiot there? Anyway, this week some of the kids from Veronica Mars head south of the border, with the result being that Icetwin gets his car stolen with some steroids hidden in the back seat. They weren't his, not surprisingly, given his twig-like build -- they belong to a loser friend of Logan's named Luke, who's mixed up with a dealer who looks like he's on a break from the WWF. Anyway, Veronica enlists Weevil's help to find the car, and she gets to ride his hog. That was fast. When Keith gets in on the act, he provides Veronica with Icetwin's file, and all y'all who thought he was too good to be true? You were right, as he'd been busted for drug possession and trafficking. Veronica gets the dealer off Luke, and discovers that Icetwin was just using her until he could get back with his old girlfriend. You think Veronica takes this lying down? You're new around here, aren't you? In other news, Keith gets close with Back, Show Killer! pretty quickly, and Veronica's memories of her mom cause a real fight between Veronica and Keith. Keith dumps BSK for Veronica's sake in the end, which is played very sweetly. And Lianne? She's alive! Alive, I tells ya! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
A large caption tells us we're in Tijuana, Mexico. Oh, good, I wouldn't want to be in the one in Utah. That one's not near as much fun. Some male teenager crosses the street holding a piñata, and then stops at a dumpster. It would be cool if Marissa were in there. She could have made the same trip she did last year, only with things not going as well. For her and her alone, that is. The dude takes a paper bag out of the piñata and nervously drops it into the dumpster, but then looks like he puts something else in the piñata. He then gets in a nearby car, in which sit Icetwin and Logan. Well, that is, Icetwin is sitting. Logan's more doubled over like he just got kicked in the nads. Which is funny, since I don't see Veronica anywhere nearby. Icetwin wonders why he had to hear Logan dry-heave for ages when all Unnamed Dude bought is a piñata. Unnamed Dude says it's the only souvenir he could find. They're going to be getting another souvenir soon, courtesy of Logan, and Icetwin is only too aware of that fact as he babbles about his dad's leather seats.
Cut to the border, where Logan has sobered up enough to make a joke about cavity searches. Have a shot on me, Logan. The border patrolman stops them for some small talk, and then asks them to hand over their contraband. Icetwin gives such a wide-eyed "Who, us?" look that I think he's channelling Rachel Green. (A long time ago, there used to be Friends.) The officer was just kidding, but Unnamed Dude looks like he wishes the term "bucket seats" were more literal.
Diner. Logan and Unnamed Dude (oh, his name's Luke. Deal with it) are arguing over which of them is more the wuss when it comes to girls. Considering Logan dated Lilly Kane and Paris Hilton, I don't think he needs to prove himself in that department. He may need antibiotics and a flea dip after the latter, but that's a whore of a different color. Icetwin returns from the bathroom, and the boys leave.
Outside, Logan continues to rib Luke, but Icetwin realizes that his car's missing, and starts freaking out a little bit. Logan suggests that maybe the car will reappear in a hundred years, like something out of Brigadoon. With that remark, Logan leaps to the forefront of potentially gay male characters on this show. And that would be cool, because it would mean that he probably stayed above Paris Hilton's equator. (Hey I didn't cast her. I just use what I'm given.) But seriously, Brigadoon? The last person I saw reference that on any screen was Simon Callow, and nutritional experts recommend his movie appearances as a good way to get your weekly allowance of fruit. Luke makes a big show of asking whether Icetwin locked the car. Hee. Luke is an amusing contrast to the other characters on the show. The contrast being that he's really not very bright.
Some time later, Icetwin and Luke are both freaking out -- Icetwin over his car and Luke presumably over something to do with the piñata. Veronica pulls up, stares at Icetwin, and is like, "Dude! Where's your car?" Hee. The delivery, as usual, was flawless. Icetwin's unamused, but maybe he didn't see that movie in the theater. Unlike me...a. My friend Mia. She has the worst taste. (Sorry, Mia!) Veronica and Logan exchange a bit of fairly good-natured snark, so seemingly their détente is still going on. Icetwin says he and Veronica should enjoy this time, as there may not be much of it left. Veronica says she doesn't mind dating a member of the Girls' Bike Club, but Icetwin asks, "How do you feel about dating a guy who's being sent to Catholic school in Albuquerque?" Well, it's kind of far to go to meet anyone new. Oh, wait. Maybe I'll just imitate Veronica and goggle my way into the opening credits.
In daylight, Veronica stops on some street that makes the Silver Spoons theme song pop into my head. Thanks, Veronica. Although I drove Sars insane by singing the lyrics to that recently. Doing so is a handy tool for testing the strength of any relationship of yours. Just don't do it lightly -- after all, it's a fucking annoying song. Anyway, Logan thanks Veronica for the ride, and wonders if she's going to play nice now. Veronica: "Walk in front of the car. We'll see." Hee. He does, and she revs the car with a smile. Logan playfully hits the car with his jacket, causing an answering revving sound from the homes of many of the forum dwellers. Luke asks Logan if he can stay in his guest house. Cut back to Veronica offering to try to find the car. He's resistant, but she wheedles, "I've got friends in low places!" I feel like the word "boy" should be in that sentence somewhere. "Boy, I've got friends in low places!" Nah, that's not right. I'll work on it. Icetwin says he can't report the car stolen because his dad thinks it's still in the garage, which means he can't get the "anti-theft homing device" located. Dude, just say "LoJack." It's much shorter, and it rhymes with a bald man sucking a lollipop. What more could you ask for? Besides a product-placement fee, that is? Icetwin rather happily, under the circumstances, says that his dad's going to kill him. Veronica suggests that they go back to his place. Icetwin, with an admittedly charming smile and eyebrow-raise: "And take my mind off my problems?" Veronica tells him that she needs details about the car, and mentions the "VIN." Icetwin: "How do you make VIN sound so hot?" She laughs heartily. That's one way of drowning out the whispers of "Weeeeevilllll" going through your head.
Mars Investigations. Wallace asks if Veronica really thinks she's going to find Icetwin's car over the internet, and skeptically calls her "Velma" and asks what she can find on him. Veronica: "It's Daphne, thank you very much." Hee. Veronica announces that Wallace got his license suspended a year earlier, and then asks, if she's Daphne, whether that makes Wallace Fred. Honey, wearing the same white sweater and ascot for a year straight wouldn't make Wallace Fred. Wallace agrees, saying he's Shaggy, because Shaggy's got "flava." Personally, I don't think we should shoehorn Wallace into the Scooby universe when there are so many other cartoon characters to whom he bears greater resemblance. Like Jabberjaw, for instance. Veronica coos that Wallace still has a subscription to Mad magazine. Hee. Wallace, you'll never win this game of Spy vs. Spy. It don't matter if you're black or white. Keith enters, prompting Veronica to stage-whisper to Wallace that she's thinking of taking Keith rock-climbing for his birthday. Keith chimes in that he's not so much into that, but that he appreciates the thought. They banter about manicotti and sky-diving. From a very healthy distance, I'm happy to report.
Chez Mars. Oh, no! Backup's been recast! But I'm sure the original Backup had important work to do. On Uranus. (Believe it or not, another staff member asked me why there was such a paucity of Uranus jokes in the recaps before this one. We set the bar high here at TWoP.) Veronica picks up a message for Keith, which consists of a woman babbling until she realizes that she called Keith's home instead of his cell. Dialling the number from the display, she gets Back, Show Killer!'s voicemail. And you all must know what we would have said if BSK had answered the phone. Whisper along with me: "Awkward." VMVO tells us that she's not good at predicting when change is coming in her life: "Change has a way of just walking up and punching me in the face." Everyone's felt that way at one point or another. But Change really seems to get the brass knuckles out for Veronica.
Cut to Luke in intense physical agony. Some other dude is standing over him making predictably unfunny comments about "pushing through the pain" as we see that Luke is trying to keep a bench-press bar from crushing his chest. I hate to point this out, but a fairly well-built high-school baseball player who presumably works out a lot wouldn't have too much trouble keeping 135 pounds off him, which is what he's lifting there. Also, the best way I can describe his tormentor here is "bitter runner-up in auditions to play Chuck Norris's stunt double on Walker Texas Ranger," so I'm not sure Luke should be particularly scared of anything in this scene. Walker-up asks where his package is, and when Luke tells him it's in a friend's car, he says he'd better have it by 9 the morning, or he'll get a baseball bat shoved up his ass. (Hey, sometimes you just think, "Metaphor, schmetaphor. I'm telling it old-school.") Walker-up lifts the bar back onto the rest. Thanks for the spot, dude.
Morning. Veronica comes into the kitchen to find her dad packing up the rest of her mom's things. He says they don't need the memories. Someone in the editing department is like, "All day long I slave over these flashbacks, and this is the thanks I get. Will someone please give me a hug?" Keith asks Veronica if she wants to take a look at the stuff before he gets rid of it, but she doesn't. He leaves the stuff anyway, saying he's got to run. Veronica: "So you and [BSK], huh? I wouldn't have pegged that one." Keith, you didn't run fast enough. He apologizes about her not hearing it from him, but says they only went out a couple of times. Keep that in mind for later, because Veronica acts very cool about the whole thing here. Not that he needs her permission, but it's nice, as well as sincere. Keith shyly admits that he likes BSK, and then leaves. Once he's gone, Veronica goes to the box of her mom's stuff and looks at a picture of the three Mars...es. VMVO tells us, "The best way to dull the pain of your best friend's murder is to have your mother abandon you as soon as possible." That's like saying the best way to dull the pain of cancer is to have a brain aneurysm. "It's like hitting your thumb with a hammer, then when it's throbbing so badly you don't think you'll survive, you cut the damn thing off." Eh, I like my analogy better, Veronica. After all, a throbbing thumb is just a good excuse to get high on Xanax. Veronica finds a safety-deposit box key.
Sydney Tamiia Poitier reminds the class about an "interviewing exercise" the day, and then leaves the room. Nice work if you can get it. Veronica's looking up someone's death certificate. Luke busts in and starts babbling. Veronica: "You're sweating on me." Heh. I think Luke's supposed to be "fresh" from his encounter with Walker-up, despite the intervening scene with Veronica and Keith. Luke confesses that the piñata he had was full of steroids, and that he did a run for Walker-up so that he could get pumped up for baseball season. I hope you didn't already start taking them, Luke, or your performance on the bench press was even more pathetic than I thought. Veronica asks if the other boys knew. Luke says that Icetwin didn't, while Logan did, but wasn't in on the deal. Veronica says that she doesn't help idiot drug-running meatheads, but Luke pleads with her on behalf of his limbs. That excludes the promised wooden limb, I'm guessing. Veronica tells him that she'll save his ass (literally), provided that he returns the drugs for cash, and then returns the cash to Walker-up. Luke agrees, and Veronica grabs a printout of the death certificate...
...which she presents to an agent at the vault, saying, as she presents the key she found, that her mom died. I'm not sure this should work in theory, but maybe the agent didn't want to deal with the tears of a girl who recently lost her mom. I can't think of many people that would. After opening the box, Veronica is shocked to find several pictures of her long-haired self with crosshairs drawn in red around her head. Change sneers, "Bitch, I ain't done with you yet. Not by a long shot."
Later, VMVO has calmed down as she notes that whoever took the pictures was a pro, and knew her schedule. Also, her dad must not know about the photos, "judging by my lack of an eight-man, twenty-four-hour security detail." When you put it that way, it kind of sounds like you got gypped. BSK enters, and Veronica gives her a pleasant smile. Keith rushes out of his office to greet her, and he and BSK nervously babble and exchange a quick peck before turning to Veronica. BSK says she wanted to say hello to Veronica outside school, since she knows the situation with Keith must be a little weird for her. Veronica counters that the situation right at that moment is a little off, yes, but that she's just fine with the two of them dating. Keith reitestammers that BSK thought that if they talked, things would be less...say it with me if you know the word...awkward. Veronica: "And are you starting to see the Catch-22 inherent in the plan?" Hee. BSK admits that she is, but asks if there's anything she can do to make things easier. Veronica: "Can you get me out of fifth-period Bio?" As chill as Veronica was there overall, if I were BSK, I'd be like, "Done and done. And if you're not a big fan of Trig, that's out too."
In her car, Veronica tells Icetwin that she talked to a buddy of hers named Earl, at the impound yard, but that he didn't have a lead on Icetwin's BMW. She theorizes that if going to Tijuana was Logan's idea, he could have intended to steal the car all along. That seems like a lot of effort for a guy whose parents are multi-multi millionaires, but who still couldn't be bothered to get a better girlfriend than Paris Hilton. Icetwin says that's not how it went down, prompting Veronica to inquire as to what was on the agenda of the night in question. Icetwin jokes about "delet[ing] the records of the black voters of Florida." While I'm glad to see my own political beliefs are aligned with whoever wrote that line, I can't really laugh at it. There are few things I can't even talk about rationally, but the unconscionably systematic effort to deprive people of the right to vote in a country that was born of a war over taxation without representation is certainly one of them. (If that sounded relatively calm, let me assure you that I destroyed a couple of stress balls just getting through that sentence.) Veronica asks if there's anything else, causing the playful tone to be swatted out of the car by Icetwin's hackles going up. She clarifies that anything unusual about the evening he can tell her will increase her chances of finding the car. Well, there was that donkey show...er, that's probably not going to help. Icetwin apologizes, and they both look worried.
Cut to Icetwin and Veronica entering some kind of office. Icetwin, in a whisper, asks whether Veronica really thinks "they" will turn the car's tracking device on just by her asking. Veronica: "Just watch a master at work, all right? This is what I do." In the interests of keeping things in their proper linear order, we'll just call that little declaration "Pride." If you don't know what comes after it, take a look out your window at the color of the leaves and see if you can figure it out. Veronica navigates her way through the cubicles to a small office containing a thirtysomething dude. She tells him that she's Icetwin's dad's personal assistant, and that he's "freaking out" because he thinks his anti-theft system isn't working, so could the guy please run a diagnostic? The guy starts in that it's not procedure, but we might as well call him Clay, because that's what he is in Veronica's hands. Clay sits down to oblige, and Veronica sticks her head out of the office and gives Icetwin a conspiratorial wink. I'd better put the heat on -- it's chilly outside today. A stern woman enters, scopes the sitch, and informs Veronica and Clay that they never activate the beacon unless the car's been reported stolen. Sensing that her charms aren't going to work with this one, Veronica leaves Clay to the stern lecture he has coming to him. Icetwin mouths, "Smooth," with a requisite hand gesture. Hee. A little crow never killed anyone. Well, maybe Brandon Lee.
Logan drops Luke off at his house. After Logan's gone, Walker-up pulls up nearby, giving Luke a chance to see if all those sprints he's been running have been worth it. After some jumping of obstacles that's strangely reminiscent of both Wonder Woman and the end of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Luke gets away. Walker-up yells after him, "You'd better run, you punk bitch!" That's not very polite. Definitely not how they do things in The O.C.
School. Veronica catches Logan at his locker. Logan: "You'd think if hell froze over, maybe it'd be on the news!" Yeah, and you'd think Veronica's car would have skidded a little during that ride she gave you back from Tijuana, ass. Veronica asks about the steroids; Logan admits that he knew about them, and then tells Veronica that he's not going to tell her anything. Hmm. Maybe having those tips refrosted addled his brain. Or maybe they're simply the Blond Tips Of Evil, But Stupid. Icetwin arrives, and he and Logan share a friendly-enough greeting before the latter takes off. For everyone who thought it was unlikely that Logan would hang out with Icetwin without Duncan's presence, I submit that Logan really isn't that discriminating when it comes to the company he keeps. I was going to say "male company," thinking of idiot Luke, but of course then Paris Hilton popped into my head AGAIN. Man. Cleaning my head of her is like the time I had to try to clean cat piss out of my couch. Needless to say, the experiences have a lot in common. Icetwin and Veronica walk away happily.
BSK is rummaging through the pots in the Mars kitchen as Backup 2.0 begs for attention. Oh, dear. BSK's really pushing Veronica's goodwill here, not that some of the blame doesn't go to Keith. I mean, I know Veronica's very mature, but sooner or later, a teenaged girl is going to have to take a moment to make it all about her. Or, in Buffy Summers's case, less "a moment" than "several years." Veronica enters, and her attitude is noticeably chillier than in the earlier meetings. She also refers to the dog as "Backup," which...no. Although it would be pretty funny if Backup had an understudy. BSK bustles around, saying that Keith's out getting groceries, and that she's making dinner for the three of them. Veronica opens a Diet Coke. I do that in times of stress too, Veronica. (Actually, forget the "in times of stress" part. I really need to cut down.) BSK says she's making fettuccine, and invites Veronica to guess what's for dessert. I'm thinking Apple Brown Listen Here, Betty, You're Not My Mother! It's actually waffles and ice cream, which BSK says she understands is Veronica's favorite. So much her favorite, in fact, that it cues a flashback...
...to Veronica and her mother, in a kitchen that looks different. I'm not going to expend any more energy trying to figure out whether they're in the same house or not. If saving money on set design means that this show stays on the air, they can film in the freaking Magic Box for all I care. Lianne is quizzing Veronica on whom her new beau is. When Veronica tells her it's Duncan, Lianne gives a look that makes it seem like Veronica just announced that she's dating her brother. Which, if true, will cause several forum posters to cyberswagger. Lianne burns the waffles...
...and back in the present, BSK drops a coffee cup, shaking Veronica out of the flashback. As they both are cleaning it up, Keith enters with the groceries. Veronica tells BSK that she's very grateful for the effort, but that she can't stay. Keith, a little sharply, asks why not, but Veronica covers smoothly. BSK smiles that she'll ask in advance time. I really quite like, her, but seriously? Good idea, and not just for the general politeness factor. Veronica beats a retreat.
Chop shop. A motorcycle pulls in, and oh, my. Looks like Veronica got to ride Weevil's hog after all. Weevil greets "Angel," his uncle, who asks whether Weevil's found the Lexus he asked him about. Weevil skips that question. Hee. He asks about Icetwin's car, and with Weevil speaking English and Angel speaking Spanish, we learn that it's come and gone, and also, someone named "Mario" took the piñata for his daughter's birthday. When she grows up, she wants to be big and strong. Also, she thinks breasts are yucky. Weevil thanks his uncle.
Cut to Veronica and Weevil back at the bike. Weevil starts to tell her what his uncle said, but Veronica understood the whole conversation. I know it seems like Veronica's skillz are getting a little hard to believe here, but for one, we know she's a very good student, and two, she grew up in Southern California. Even the gringos can hold their own. Veronica asks whether Weevil knows where Mario lives, since they have to get that piñata. Weevil offers to buy Veronica a piñata. Veronica: "Will you buy me a piñata full of steroids?" Weevil looks like he'd consider it if he'd get a little action out of the deal.
Weevil and Veronica arrive as the kids are hitting the piñata. Veronica runs up and tells them to stop, but just then the piñata breaks, spilling candy all over. Veronica beats a retreat as the women on the scene start yapping to each other about her. We cut to commercial, though, before it gets good. Damn UPN's bilingual Standards and Practices Department.
Veronica pulls Luke into the girls' bathroom, and I'm tired of this joke, because I don't understand it. If she wants a really secure place to talk to people, why not try the library? Veronica informs Luke that the steroids weren't so much in the piñata, and that he'd better pay Walker-up off if he wants to retain a certain form of virginity for his wedding night. Which may have to take place in Canada. Luke thinks that Walker-up will hurt him if he goes to him with cash and no steroids, but Veronica says she'll worry about that, but that he'd better come up with eight grand, stat. She storms out of the bathroom. Luke does not follow, for the record. Veronica looks at the door to the administration office, and flashes back to Lianne hustling her out of school to go visit Veronica's Aunt Cheryl in Palm Springs. It's unclear whether they actually went, but back in the present, VMVO tells us that, three days later, Lianne was gone. VMVO goes on that she didn't pay the incident that much mind at the time, but now she thinks Lianne really was scared.
Cut to Veronica putting a bunch of cell phones in envelopes as VMVO tells us that people rarely cut all their ties, even if they try, so she's sending a bunch of untraceable, disposable cell phones to Lianne's friends and family, and hopefully Lianne will use one of them to call her. I have to point out that Veronica didn't know the last person Lianne stayed with, not that that necessarily means she shouldn't bother with this plan. VMVO: "It's my version of a message in a bottle." As long as your version doesn't have Kevin Costner, I've got no problem with it. Keith enters, and as Veronica goes out to greet him, it becomes clear that he's been out all night. Oh, my. I wonder how many times he got...guidance? Veronica barely gives him any shit about it, but tells him she needs his help, and gives him the bare bones of the Icetwin situation. Keith: "I'll be nice to your boyfriend if you [sic] be nice to my girlfriend." Veronica balks momentarily, but agrees.
Keith enters the office of the severe woman from earlier, and, claiming to be the head of security for Icetwin's dad, throws threats of a lawsuit around and browbeats the woman into turning on the tracking system. Keith smiles to himself at a job well done. He didn't do too badly with the woman, either.
Luke is selling a baseball signed by Barry Bonds on Ebay. He can't believe the bidding is only at two grand, and I have to agree. Veronica tells him that there will be a spike at the end of the auction, and indeed, the bid goes up to $2800. Luke whines about how much the ball will be worth in the future, and again, I'm with him. Veronica tells him it's the ball or his life: "You do the math." I'm skeptical of his abilities there, but I'll take a shot: the ball's worth a lot more. Luke pauses in consideration. Veronica: "IT'S A BALL!" Hee.
Icetwin invites Veronica over to his house after school to "play detective." Be careful what you wish for, Icetwin. Veronica wonders how he can be so laid back, considering that if they don't find the car, the two of them will be done. Icetwin uses a somewhat melodramatic metaphor to indicate that he's given up, so they might as well enjoy the time they have together. Wallace butts in from out of nowhere to wonder why Icetwin's parents would punish him so severely. Geez, Wallace, how many of your parents' BMWs have you lost? None, I'd guess, from the fact that you're here and not in Timbuktu. And by the way, thanks for dropping by this week. Why don't you go see what Sydney Tamiia Poitier is up to?
Oh, here she is, giving instructions about the interviewing exercise. Some girl in entirely too much pink asks Veronica: "So, Miss Mars, how do you respond to the rumors that your boyfriend hooked up with strippers in Tijuana last weekend?" Oh, dear. Looks like someone brought a kitten's claws to a catfight. Veronica: "Miss Banks, have you decided which parent you're going to live with after the divorce? And if I may, a follow-up. Can you believe your father's choice in mistresses?" "Meeeeeow" doesn't really even do it justice, does it? Miss Dent asks to speak to Veronica after class.
Cut to said conversation, where Miss Dent babbles something about the lies we need to believe. Like, say, thinking that your presence adds anything to this show. Go away, Miss Dent. She does, and VMVO tells us that information is insurance: "With someone whose heart has already been crushed, I say: can't be too careful." She logs into the site she used to check up on Wallace earlier.
Mars Investigations. Veronica walks into Keith's office. Keith asks if, before they do whatever Veronica's got planned for his birthday, they could go to BSK's house for dinner. Veronica hands him an envelope and goes to sit at her desk. While Keith's still examining the contents, Veronica asks, "Did you know she was still married?" Oh, Veronica. Much like the Yankees' pitching performance, this ain't gonna be pretty. Props, though -- I thought she was going to check out Icetwin, not BSK. Keith says he did know, and points out that he's still married, too. Veronica adds on that BSK was arrested for passing bad checks, but Keith counters that that was when she was twenty-one. He asks what made Veronica think she had the right to check up on BSK. Veronica tells him that's what they do, and that she was trying to protect him. Keith half-yells that he's an adult. Veronica says that Keith's let BSK into their lives like it's no big deal, but Keith says that BSK makes him happy in a way he hasn't been in a long time, and that he and BSK tried to make Veronica feel comfortable, but that she "chose to be snotty." Nice pitch, Keith, but I ain't buying. I'm not saying that Veronica's doing a background check on BSK wasn't over the line, but she was pretty cool about the whole thing up until then, and I seriously don't even know what you're talking about when you say you tried to make her comfortable. I mean, walking into my kitchen to find my guidance counselor doing the best she can to fill my missing mom's shoes wouldn't exactly lower my blood pressure. Maybe it's me. Veronica urgently tells Keith that Lianne is still out there, and doesn't he care if she ever comes back? Keith makes the valid point that Veronica's been acting as though her mom is Public Enemy #1 for quite some time now. Veronica, half yelling and half crying, tells Keith that he can find anyone: "If she were a criminal, you would make a couple grand tracking her down and you'd have her back in a week!" Keith: "Well, maybe I don't care to find her. Have you ever considered that?" Oh, dear. And here I thought Veronica was going to be unbeaten in interviewing exercises today. Keith tells her that he's had Icetwin's security system turned on, gives her the code, and retreats into his office and shuts the door. Veronica puts her head in her hands. Sniff.
Night. Veronica and Icetwin are tracking the BMW. She's perplexed at how erratic the signal's movements are. She pulls over, and they get out of the car, and soon she declares that the signal is right on top of them. Veronica, didn't you see Aliens? Run! They look over, and a very cute dog comes up to them, wearing the tracking device as a collar. Dude, tell me there aren't a lot of rich dog owners who would pay top dollar for one of those. Isn't absurdity the mother of invention?
Chez Mars, the morning. Keith tests the waters by asking Veronica if she wants breakfast, but she says she'll just grab an apple. Lukewarm, I'd say. Probably about what's deserved. She notices an envelope on the counter with Icetwin's name on it. Keith tells her that it's everything she "may or may not" want to know about Icetwin. He tells her she's free to open it or throw it away. Ooh, nasty. He knows she won't be able to resist, even though she wants to, and she'll be mad at herself for it. Nicely played, Mars. Nicely played.
Keith and BSK are sitting very close in what might be the coffee shop where he picked her up. He breaks up with her. Ouch. This cup's going to go down bitter. He tells her that Veronica's not ready for him to date anyone else. I don't know. I admire his loyalty to his daughter, but he's rushing out of this relationship as quickly as he rushed into it, without really talking to Veronica about either action, and it all feels a little false to me. Why can't he and BSK just slow down a little and see if Veronica adjusts? BSK asks him if he can give her a crappier reason: "Your being a good father isn't really something I can bitch about to my girlfriends over margaritas." Sure it is. You just need to have a lot of them. Keith hugs and kisses her. Aw. I like BSK.
Veronica, dressed to kill, waits for Icetwin in front of his locker. She calls him out for getting kicked out of two schools for drug possession and trafficking, and mentions that some girl named "Shauna" was kicked out of both schools with him. Not buying that either, really -- I think the parents would have split them up after the first incident. Getting kicked out of school with your druggie girlfriend isn't the sort of thing most parents would react to with a "Do you prooooomise not to do it again?" Icetwin isn't particularly amused, and is less so when Veronica accuses him of knowing about Luke and the steroids. He strenuously denies it, and points out that just because he hadn't told her about his past yet doesn't mean he never would have. "Maybe after I've known you for more than a month, I tell you my deep dark secrets. Or is that too much of a character flaw, waiting for the girl to like you before you tell her the things you're not so proud of?" And the interviewing exercise record stands at one and two. Icetwin stalks off, and Luke appears with the eight grand. Veronica snatches it away and storms off. Man, there's a lot of suspense here with only five minutes to go. And it's not just whether I'll finish the recap on time.
Veronica leads Backup 2.0 up a flight of stairs. She finds Walker-up in the same gym where Luke discovered that his chest really needs some work. After buttering him up by complimenting his Hummer (hee), she tells him that she's there to settle Luke's account. Threatening attitude is met by threatening barks. Veronica's phone rings, and when she takes it out, she seizes the opportunity to snap the guy's picture. That phone call from Wallace was obviously planned. Cool. Veronica hands over the money, but Walker-up says that he's still going to make "that little bitch" pay. Veronica sunnily tells him he'll regret this moment. Not as much as I regret his hair.
Veronica uploads the photo into her computer and prints out a copy, which she then faxes to someone.
Icetwin's dad walks him to a cab. Icetwin asks his dad to give him another chance, but his dad isn't having it. Dude, if Icetwin can forgive your terrible acting, you can forgive him losing the car.
Veronica serves Keith a misshapen cake with a question-mark-shaped candle on top. Hee. Veronica asks when BSK is coming, but Keith tells her she isn't. Veronica says that she canceled the birthday surprise: "I was going to take you to see Santana at the Bowl." Keith tells her about the breakup. Veronica is stunned, and says she knows nothing about relationships, and that Keith should be happy on his birthday. Keith: "I just want to have a piece of cake with my daughter. That's all I want." Aw. You know how I feel about this whole development, but sweet scene nonetheless. Veronica smiles and lights the candle, and Keith takes a long time before blowing out the candle. Dude, the wish should have been easy. It's called "full-season order."
Icetwin gets out of the cab at the diner where the car was stolen. He pays off the driver, asking him to keep it between them. Since the actor didn't rate speaking rates, that's not going to be a problem. Inside, Icetwin goes to the bathroom and retrieves the steroids from an air vent in the ceiling. Wow. I didn't see the "he's got a sordid past...wait, he's REALLY a bad guy" twist coming at all. He gets in the Beamer and drives off, looking like the cat that ate the canary. On the highway, Icetwin's phone rings, and it's the Shauna mentioned earlier, who calls him "baby." He talks about her panties bursting into flames. I hate it when recapping interferes with my dinner plans. Shauna asks what the deal is with "some girl named Veronica" calling her. And here's where Icetwin discovers that canary repeats on you something fierce. Upon learning that Shauna told Veronica that she'd be seeing Icetwin soon, Icetwin hangs up and opens the package. It's full of candy. Hee. There's also a letter, which reads, "Sorry we didn't get a chance to say goodbye, but I just wanted to wish you good luck at your new school and leave you something to remember me by. It took me a while to figure out where you stashed the steroids, but there was only one place you were alone, right? In case you're wondering, the former contents of the package are somewhere between my toilet and the Pacific Ocean. Say hi to Shauna for me -- she sounds like a keeper." Heeeee hee hee. Icetwin freaks...
...and he's not the only one, as at the Mexican border, the patrolman from earlier stops Walker-up, and this time, he ain't joking. Good thing you're so into anal penetration there, Sparky.
Okay, the pacing of this episode was great, as usual. And the Icetwin reveal was cool, too. I can also accept that Icetwin either figured out what Luke was doing or heard it from Logan and took advantage, since it dovetailed nicely with his plan to have the car stolen. But if Icetwin's ultimate plan was to get back together with Shauna, that means that either he's not going to that school, which seems insane, since he'd likely be disowned, or he is and Shauna's there too, which means that they'd be going to a third school together, which seems impossible. I like that Icetwin turned out to be a really bad guy; I'd just like to understand what he was doing a little better.
Veronica's spacing out listening to her Discman as her phone vibrates on the desk in the foreground. Her mom, with much better hair than in the flashbacks, tells her she misses her so much, and that she got one of Veronica's letters, although she won't say which one because she doesn't want Veronica to try to find her: "Everything will make sense when the time is right. I promise. I'll be in touch soon. Trust me, okay? I love you, and could you tell your father I said happy birthday." Veronica slips off to sleep, and dreams about all the ringtones she's going to download when she decides never, ever to set her phone to "vibrate" again.
week: Lisa Rinna! And Harry Hamlin! This is going to be cool. Oh, there's an election, but how important could that be?