The Wrath Of Con

Wallace and "Special Guest Star, Not That That Means Anything If That's The Credit They Gave Paris Hilton" Kyla Pratt are doing something in an office. Seeing she's about to pick up a stack of folders, Wallace rushes over to help her, but she's already dropped everything. She whines that that was the pile he just finished alphabetizing, but he cheerfully corrects her that it was in fact two piles. Kyla: "Could I be a bigger spaz?" Well, perhaps if you stuck your finger in an electric socket. Barring that, I'd have to say no. Wallace tells her that she could kick him in the balls with steel-tipped boots every half-hour and he'd still be the happiest guy alive. Well, it's his goofy smile that says it, but trust me, the sentiment is there. Kyla, whose name is "Georgia," hugs Wallace and tells him she thinks she did something really stupid. Boy, most girls would at least wait until after the hug to give the "it's not you it's me" speech. Oh, that's not what she meant. She got an email...

...and we're in Veronica's Office, better known as the girls' bathroom, where Kyla is telling Veronica about the email. It was from a guy named Karl, who claimed to be a trust-fund kid with a gambling problem. He was supposedly sending the email to a friend asking him for financial help, and Kyla just happened to intercept it. Wallace shoos some girls out of the bathroom, and I hope this running joke dies soon unless they can offer me a good reason why Veronica needs to commandeer the place. Veronica dubiously notes that the sender's address looks suspiciously nerdy, while Kyla informs her that he was offering 200% interest on a two-week loan, when his twenty-first birthday would arrive and he'd have access to his trust. As I mentioned in the recaplet, many posters talked about in the forums, and Veronica herself alludes to later in the episode, this is very similar to the famous Nigerian scam email that I'm sure we've all gotten many times. I can't believe anyone fell for that, but the forum dwellers assure me that plenty of people did. I guess those people weren't very familiar with the "internets." Kyla damsel-in-distresses that she was supposed to get paid two weeks ago, and Veronica just looks at her like she can't believe her gullibility. If we buy Veronica's "rich kids, poor kids, and no one in between" dynamic from the pilot, I can't believe that Kyla, if she's one of the poor kids, would have access to $3500 in cash. (I'm not saying she couldn't be one of the rich kids, but she probably wouldn't be this upset about the money in that case. And then there's the whole Wallace social-death factor.) On top of that, while a fool and his money are soon parted, when the fool's a teenage girl, she's not typically saving $30, much less $3000. ($3000 is the amount that Veronica later quotes, and since she's reading it off Kyla's email, I'm assuming that's how much she paid.)

Wallace tells Georgia that "we'll get 'im." Veronica good-naturedly asks, "Will we, now?" Wallace's meek expression suggests that he knows who his daddy is. (I write this as Game Seven between the Yanks and the Red Sox is about to start. Journalistic integrity requires that I leave it in regardless of the outcome.) (Sunday morning -- Aw, crap. Stupid journalistic integrity.) Veronica dials the number in the email, and ramps up her dial to "ditz" as she leaves a message, pretending to be an "Amber," and saying that she got an email from him by mistake, but that she can help him. Hanging up, she tells Kyla that her fee is ten percent of whatever she recovers. Kyla nods blankly. Veronica: Fool, money. You could have gotten fifty. On her way out, Veronica changes her outgoing message to be from the chirpy Amber. After she leaves, Wallace is all, "Did I tell you?" Kyla shrugs hopefully. Man, if all she's going to do is woe-is-me-I'm-just-a-girl through this episode, I'm going to smack her. And then thank her for being How Couch Baron Got His Snark Back. Credits.

Classroom. There's apparently a school television broadcast, as a woman tells everyone watching that today is the last day to purchase Homecoming tickets. Also, kicking off the Homecoming festivities is the dedication of the "Lilly Kane Memorial Fountain." Well, given what we see of Lilly later in the episode, I hope the water's spiked. It would only be fitting. The broadcaster goes on to say that the Kane family is inviting all students and faculty to attend the dedication. (For those of you who were wondering why a certain bald-headed student happened to be at school for the dedication, I submit that he heard this broadcast and thereby knew about it.) At all the Lillyness, Veronica and Logan can't help exchanging a look.

Hallway. Icetwin catches Veronica and suggests that they play "mini-golf" on Thursday. Veronica just smiles at him. He interprets that as "mini-golf is for total, total losers." Which may well indeed be the case. However, the look is more about the fact that Keith wants to meet Icetwin. Icetwin's unfazed, even though Veronica cautions him that Keith is "a little intense." And a little armed, I'd add. Icetwin tells Veronica that he gives "good parent," and there go my thoughts to that place that I can't seem to avoid. Perhaps because that place is "my mind." Icetwin starts to go, but turns back to ask Veronica if they're on for the dance. Veronica's smile falters for just a moment as VMVO says that this should make her happy, but she recovers to give Icetwin a reasonably enthusiastic yes. When he's gone, Veronica's face falls, as the action around her speeds up. VMVO tells us that the dance is every girl's fantasy, but that she's already lived the dream.

We flash back to the Kane compound, as Celeste calls to Lilly that everyone's waiting for her. And indeed they are, as Veronica's in her ugly pink dress and Duncan's in black tie. Duncan complains about Lilly's lateness, but his sister soon appears and catwalks her way into the room in a cleavage-showing sparkly number, hair pulled back and looking quite pretty herself. Logan is there as well, looking rather dashing in a blue vest added to his formal attire, and the kids pose for pictures. Celeste tells them that they all look...very nice. Her tone adds, "...except for my slutty daughter, whom I may or may not kill. That's what February sweeps are for, bitches!" The kids mug happily for the camera until the limo arrives.

Wallace appears, shaking Veronica out of her flashback. He happily tells Veronica that he's talked more to Kyla today than he had in the last four months combined. Four months? Weren't you the new kid getting strung up like, a month ago? Also, it's not that big an accomplishment to speak to a block of wood. If it answers you, we'll talk. Wallace adds that he's the "cavalry" who gets to save the day. Two If By Geek, Wallace. Veronica gets a call for Amber, goes into the voice she normally reserves for getting Backup's attention, and tells the person at the other end that "of course!" she can meet him that day.

Elsewhere, Logan catches Duncan at the latter's locker and sees that he's got a bunch of videotapes. Duncan explains that his mom thought it would be nice to have a video tribute to Lilly at the dedication ceremony, and his dad wanted someone who knew her to do it. Well, not to offend the family of the dead or anything, but duh. Logan -- momentarily showing more vulnerability than we've seen from him until now -- insists on doing it. Duncan thanks him.

Veronica sits on a park bench, wearing a red top and skirt and sporting a sassy teased 'do. Wallace and Kyla observe surrepdorkily. Some reject from School Ties smarms his way up to Veronica and introduces himself as Karl, saying that she must think he's the biggest loser, what with the sending his friends emails begging for money. Karl, you had her at "loser." Veronica blondes, "Well, gambling is an addiction!" Hee. Kyla tells Wallace that this dude isn't the same guy who took her money, but that he had on the same outfit, right down to the ugly backpack. Wallace struts over to Karl's car and plants what I assume is a tracking device on it. I also assume that there's a logical explanation of how Veronica got said device, since I imagine it wasn't cheap. Veronica runs down the deal with Karl, and when he confirms that she'll double her money in a week, she asks whom to make the check out to. His face falls as he says he can't negotiate a check with his accounts being frozen, and that he told her that already. Veronica: "It must be the hair! Blonde." Hee, again. She suggests they meet at the same place the day, and he agrees. As he starts to leave, Veronica lays it on, asking if she can trust him. He replies, "You can trust me, Amber. Hand to God." Well, he had the bigger trowel in that exchange.

Veronica follows "Karl" to "a funky bohemian theatre for an avant-garde staging of a Beckett play." Endgame is the play in question, and Veronica, if this is how you're going to have to spend your time on Kyla's case, I definitely think you should have asked for a lot more than ten percent. She sees "Karl"'s headshot inside the glass display of the cast (as "Hamm," and despite the fact that I know that's the real lead of Endgame, it still deserves a "hee") and takes it out after picking the lock with a hairpin. On the back, where his credits are listed, there's added in marker: "Duped! Role of Karl -- Recurring." VMVO: "You've got to be kidding me." Honey, you live in Southern California. You must have been to L.A. at some point.

...and now all the kids are on the beach, and the game has "progressed" from Truth or Dare to I Never. Wow, they're really taking me through my college experience here. I should get some appropriate beer to really get into the spirit of things, except I swore I'd never ever drink Meister Brau again. Fifty kegs is my lifetime limit. Veronica says she's never gone skinny dipping, and everyone else drinks. (Drinking means you've done the activity in question, for anyone fortunate enough not to have played this game.) Lilly's aghast, and says they'll have to do something about that. Logan pipes up that he's never "taken matters into [his] own hand in the boys' locker room after watching cheerleader tryouts." Duncan tells Logan he's dead, but drinks. Oh, man, this is the killer with this game -- when you play with people who know your darkest secrets, andthey're willing to target you. Do not play this game lightly, people. And do I have to reiterate the part about not playing with your sister? Veronica begs Duncan to tell her that that happened after they started dating. Hee. Duncan sounds like he's trying to come up with one to get Logan back, and says, "I've never seen my parents having sex." Logan doesn't drink, but Lilly does, and what's more, she imitates their mom in the act, sounding like a female foghorn. I won't say it again. I trust you've all learned your lesson. Lilly: "I've never not had sex." Wow. I'm surprised everyone wasn't crying at the memorial. Oh, she clarifies that you have to drink if you've never had sex. Veronica drinks immediately. Duncan hesitates before he follows suit, but it's left ambiguous whether he's embarrassed over his virginal status, or he has had sex but he's lying to spare Veronica's feelings. Despite the fact that it's violating a sacred oath to lie in this game (which is ANOTHER reason not to play lightly), and despite the fact that Logan and Lilly react like they think he's telling the truth, I'm going with the latter explanation, but I like the fact that it's not given away. The four kids group hug, and sort of grind. Back in the present, Veronica starts to leave, but smiles to herself, looking like she has an idea.

Veronica and Keith are on what looks like the campus of San Diego State. Veronica's leading a dog that is not Backup, presumably a drug-sniffer breed, while Keith dons a DEA jacket and complains that this isn't his idea of quality time. Veronica: "Never loved you more." Hee. She tells him it's for a good cause, and he gives her a Godwave. Godwaves make me think of Cute Guy God. But I don't want to get distracted here, so let's move on.

Cut to Keith explaining to the RA that his "heat-seeking scanners" came across some "high-intensity discharge lamps." Keith, you're discharging something at high intensity right now, but it isn't light. He goes on that it looks like "someone's cultivating a little Mary J." Hee. Portly Dork opens the door, and Keith bustles in with the dog, asking if there are any drugs, and using the most cursory of searches to cover his planting of what's presumably a listening device. Portly Dork asks if he doesn't need a warrant. Keith: "What do I need a warrant for? There's nothing here!" He leaves, and the dorks regard each other with puzzlement. And dorkiness.

School. Veronica listens to the dorks. It would have been funny to hear them discuss her. If horrifying as well. Sometime later, they leave their room, setting the alarm in the process. Veronica plays back the sounds of the different numbers from the code and matches them to the tones in her cell phone to figure out the combination. There's been conflicting discussion in the forums about whether this would be possible or not. I'm leaning toward bullshit, especially considering we've already had one Alias shout-out. It seems like maybe they're just going for a theme.

Much later, Veronica's phone rings, and she smilingly answers it. Her face falls, however, when she realizes that she's late. She's late. For a very important date. That might never happen, since her boyfriend might get his brains blown out if he doesn't play his cards right. Floor it, Veronica.

Living room of Getting To Know You. Keith tells Icetwin that Veronica hasn't told Keith anything about him. There's a little fake laughing, with the usual undercurrent of I'll Rip Out Your Large Intestine Through Your Throat If You Mistreat My Daughter. So far, so normal. Keith asks Icetwin what he and Veronica will be doing after the dance, and Icetwin tries to toe the line when he says that Veronica told him she'd have to go home right away. Keith asks if they're going to remain at the dance the whole time, and Icetwin tries to smile his way to the finish line as he says yes. Keith: "So you won't mind then that I canceled your reservation at the Four Seasons?" The smile didn't quite make it. Also, Keith, you may not speak the language of geek, so let me give you a tip: Here's where you stand up and yell, "OWNAGE!" Anyway, Veronica arrives home just as Icetwin's eyes are about to bug out past the point of no return. She asks, "Who's ready for mini-golf?" Keith genially grabs Icetwin's shoulder as Icetwin tries valiantly to recover. Veronica's expression indicates that she reads the situation perfectly. You might want to switch to an activity without clubs, my dear.

Fortress of Geekitude. Keith calls for Grrrant, posing as an admissions officer. Grrrant tells him they're not interested in showing a prospective around. Keith tempts him with a private screening of "the Matrix online game." Grrrant is hooked. OWNAGE!

Veronica finds Logan in the computer lab again and asks how it's going. Logan: "It's very Wonder Years." Thanks, but I'll stick with the voice-over I've got. We see a shot of Lilly dressed up like a princess or a magician or something as Logan says that Celeste will love the tribute. Veronica hands Logan a tape titled "Fun With Lilly." Man, where's the rest of the collection? Logan asks what it is, and Veronica answers, "It's not a violin recital." Logan considers it for a long moment, and somewhat meekly tells her that he has a lot of work to do. When Veronica's on her way out, he looks like he wants to thank her, but doesn't work up the nerve. Nice work by Jason Dohring there.

Geeks on parade. Grrrant and Portly Dork are totally psyched about the game. Grrrant asks Wallace what he's doing, who tells him that he's text-messaging his girlfriend to tell her how psyched he is. Grrrant looks at Portly Dork all, "'Girlfriend'?" Wallace, it's pronounced "grrrlfriend". You're never going to make it at this school.

Cut to Veronica, who gets a message on her phone saying, "ALL CLEAR." Then she's entering the geeks' room and punching in the code. VMVO tells us that she's learned from her surveillance that the geeks have developed a game that will "make Quake look like Asteroids," and that they raised their startup capital through the email scam: "With no investors, they stand to make millions." Honey, if the game's that good, I'd think they'd stand to make millions anyway. Maybe they're worried about letting anyone else get a look at what they're doing before it's finished, but I'm not sure the secrecy is worth the risk of committing repeated felonies. This A-plot isn't quite up to the standard of the other ones we've seen, I'm afraid. Good thing Lilly Kane's got so much intrigue to give. Veronica sees that the geeks' hard drives are encased in metal security gates. She pulls out a giant-sized cutting bolt used for stray locks off lockers. Better stay away there, Grrrant, or you might find yourself squeaking "Lamer!" in the coloratura range.

Later, Veronica's taking out a hard drive when she gets another text from Wallace, asking how she's doing. According to the times on the phone, over an hour has passed, which seems like quite a long time for the geeks to be in transit, but whatever. Also, it's supposed to be September 17th, and I know that at least some districts in California start in the middle of August (which...uch) but that just makes Wallace's "four months" comment from earlier seem even dumber. Veronica texts back that she's almost done.

Cut to Veronica taping a piece of paper to one of the monitors and heading to leave. She remembers to grab the bug, but while she's standing on a chair retrieving it, she notices some wiring going into the closet. She opens it to find a metal cabinet that's presumably housing another computer. It's got a lock on it, although I'm not clear why she can't cut this one off with the Jaws of Life. She grouses: "Wow. I really hate these guys." Uh...arguments? Veronica grabs a soda out of the refrigerator, and the sits down in front of the cabinet to figure out her move.

The geeks finally arrive at their destination, which looks suspiciously like Gameland. I can't imagine they regularly go to this place if it takes them an hour and a half each way. Perhaps I am underestimating the power of the geek. Wallace makes a big show of saying how he feels "duped," like, I know Veronica said she was almost done, but you never know, so tipping the geeks off doesn't seem like the smartest idea. Wallace, you may be a social outcast, but it doesn't look like it's because you're a brain trust. Speaking of which, remarkably, the geeks don't pick up of the "duped" reference, but they only have a second to contemplate it before both their cell phones go off. It's the alarm on the backup drives, sending the geeks hurrying out. Wallace grins as he takes the nerd glasses off. Looked good on you, kid.

The geeks arrive at their room to find their empire in ruins. Checking on the backup drives, they discover that Veronica poured several cans of soda through a small air vent, ruining them. They both look all "Oh, cruel Fate, why do you mock me?" Well, where would you like Fate to start? Grrrant reads the note from Veronica, which starts, "Hey buddy, I was hoping you could help me," which is the way their fake email starts. Hee.

We're back at the park where Veronica met "Karl," at night. Grrrant continues in voice-over, "I'm coming into my trust fund week and if you give me $7600 tomorrow night I'll give you your hard drives back." Ooh, so she's forcing them to double Kyla's money. But I don't know what the extra sixteen hundred is for, if she just wanted a ten percent commission. Maybe there's a bonus for ownage. Veronica, Kyla, and Wallace are waiting as the geeks arrive. Veronica: "Let me guess what you're thinking. Paybacks are a bitch." I'm guessing they're thinking paybacks aren't the only ones. The geeks hand over the cash and say that it's all there. Kyla: "Like we trust you." Yeah, you were certainly the queen of skepticism when you forked over three grand in cash, there, dear. Shut up, Kyla. Grrrant asks for their backups, and after some taunting from Veronica, she tells them they're in a nearby garbage can. As pointed out on the forums, this is a small gaffe, since the backup drives were the ones Veronica destroyed, while she took the main drives with her. The geeks start digging as Kyla says all the other people they scammed don't "have kick-ass friends." Veronica tells Kyla and Wallace that the FBI has an anti-fraud agency: "I was shocked to see how interested they were in the information I had on [the geeks]." Hee. Kyla kisses Wallace. Enjoy that, kid, because it's the last action you'll be getting for a while. Maybe Duncan can give you the girls' cheerleading schedule. Veronica takes out a flyer for the Lilly Kane dedication...

...and the limo is pulling up to the Kane house, and it's morning. There's gonna be hell to pay. Or Celeste Kane, which might be worse. The kids notice that Mama and Papa Kane are in the driveway, along with Keith in sheriff's uniform. I should point out that Keith could probably have tracked them down a lot earlier if he'd wanted to, which is not to say that he necessarily did. The Kane kids and Veronica spill out of the limo, and they certainly did a pretty good job in making them look like they've been up all night. Lilly sunnily asks Keith, "What seems to be the problem, Officer?" Honey, just wait a month and ask him that question. Celeste asks Lilly if she's drunk, and Lilly's like, "Not so much anymore." Hee. I really like her. Celeste asks why she insists on humiliating her. Lilly points out that she wasn't the only Kane in that Limo. Celeste: "I know you, Lilly. Any trouble this family has ever had, you've been at the root of it. Sometimes I just want to bash you over the head with a blunt instrument and pin your death on some disgruntled ex-employee of your father's." Some of that may have been implied. Duncan tries to take the blame, and Jake orders them into the house. Lilly replies by going over to Logan and planting a big wet one on him. While she does, Logan looks warily at the Kane parents. Hee. Veronica meekly apologizes to her dad, who generously says they'll talk at home. He thanks the Kanes for the coffee, and their wordless reply could be interpreted as a little chilly. Duncan turns back to give Veronica a fond smile before Jake drags him into the house. Aw.

School, outside. Dozens of candle-holding students stand by as the school orchestra plays "Wind Beneath My Wings." Heeee hee hee. And Logan thought Lilly would hate the video tribute. Veronica takes a picture. Logan looks sad. Up front, Celeste tells the crowd that Lilly loved the school, and with the fountain, part of her will always be there. Veronica comes up front to be to Icetwin. Did Icetwin know Lilly, or did he get to know Duncan only after she died? Celeste goes on and on about how wonderful Lilly was. Hmph. Duncan unveils the fountain, and everyone applauds politely. Logan points a remote at a large video screen set up for the occasion, and saccharine images of Lilly bombard us. Celeste looks pleased. That is, she looks pleased until an electric guitar cuts in on the soundtrack. Logan casts a conspiratorial smile at Veronica. Meanwhile, Celeste wishes she'd worn pearls with her outfit, so she could get in a good clutch. The footage we see from here on in is from the limo ride a year ago. Lilly tells America that they wanted her, and they've got her. Lilly and Veronica chair-dancing. Lilly popping champagne. Lilly sticking her ass out the window. Duncan and Jake both look very happy. Lilly kisses Logan. Lilly: "You love me, don't you?" It's just about unanimous, but Celeste makes sure there's one in every crowd. And now seems as good a time as any to dub her "Mommie Sneerest." Jake breaks down crying, and Duncan comforts him. I really haven't formed an opinion as to who killed Lilly yet, but with the similarities this show has to Twin Peaks, I feel I would be remiss if I didn't point out that it was the crying dad who killed Laura Palmer. Of course, he was possessed by an evil entity, but whom do you think Jake Kane made a deal with to develop streaming video? Everyone cheers, and Veronica and Logan beam at each other. Nice smile, Dohring. Elsewhere, Felix tells Weevil they should go. Weevil turns, and he's been crying. Well, well. That is interesting.

Limo. Kyla, Wallace, Icetwin, and Veronica are riding. Veronica's wearing her sassy hair from earlier, and a red satin dress. Aw. Veronica looks out the window and asks if they can make a stop. Icetwin babbles that they should really get to the dance. Hee. Keith put the fear of God into him. They pull in at the beach, and Veronica tells Icetwin to stay in the car. She walks up to the water's edge and disrobes. She dives in and is having a grand old Lilly-remembering time as we fade to black.

Was this practical? No. Was it hygienic? No. Is Icetwin going to get the shit kicked out of him when he deposits Veronica at the door looking like this? It's a distinct possibility. But remember that the episode is about Lilly, whom I wouldn't say was too concerned with practicality. This is the first episode where we really saw what Veronica and Lilly were all about, so I think it's okay to sacrifice some practical details for Veronica really to pay homage to her. I just hope she's going to stop in at the gym shower.

No scenes from week, which caused me...er, "the forum posters" to gasp in consternation. My DVR tells me that there is in fact a new ep scheduled, though. Whew!