Veronica Mars - Veronica Mars DVD Extra

Recapped by Couch Baron · Aired 2007-11-06

By Couch Baron | Aired on 2007.11.06

So as most readers probably know, as one effort to keep Veronica Mars alive for a fourth season, show creator and showrunner Rob Thomas pitched the CW on a new concept -- a fast-forward of several years to the point where Veronica was actually in the FBI. What they may not know is that the show's producers actually shot a mini-pilot as part of this effort. Said pilot, along with commentary from Rob and from supervising producer Dan Etheridge, appears as one of several Extras on the Season Three DVDs. Here's a little recap.

Rob tells us that Dawn Ostroff (executive in charge of programming first for UPN and then the CW) had expressed interest in "a first-year cops show." At least, I think he said that rather than a first year Cops show, because Veronica's awfully little to take down some of the strung-out freaks they get over there. Rob goes on that he had figured, if Veronica made it several seasons down the line, he would take Veronica to the FBI anyway, so the idea wasn't out of left field. Dan reiterates that, and adds that the challenge for the writers and production people was, instead of taking four years to develop Veronica's journey to the FBI, to do it in four days. Well, at least since Kristen Bell was playing younger, so they didn't have to age her up any. That doesn't always come off, as Jake Gyllenhaal would probably be only too happy to tell you. Rob says that this was obviously one effort to get the network to pick them back up, and while they might think America has decided about Veronica Mars, teen P.I., they might get a new chance from people with Veronica Mars: FBI.

After a close-up on a nameplate that reads "Principal Harris," we pan over to a hand tapping a pen on a desk, and then we cut to the man who owns that hand, whom I'm thrilled to see is Bob Gunton, one of my favorite bad guys ever for his portrayal of the warden in The Shawshank Redemption. He's also, awesomely, got one of those drinking birds on his desk, and we can all enjoy the scene as long as he doesn't ask it to vent any superheated gas. Anyway, Bob Gunton is reviewing "Veronica's" record, as the pigtailed girl in question is chomping on some gum and Jump Street-ing with the best of them. Bob Gunton mockingly says that Veronica's been busy -- three counts possession, two counts robbery, two counts assault -- and then asks, "So. What's your sob story?" I'd suggest Netflixing it, dude, if you've got a few days to kill. I guess Bob Gunton actually is some kind of warden here, though, despite his nameplate, which: double awesome. Veronica fakely blames it on some inappropriate childhood touching, and then leans forward and tells him he couldn't figure her out with "an idiot's guide and a Rosetta stone." Rosetta Stone would make a great drag name, don't you think? Sorry, shouldn't let myself get distracted -- I forgot how time-consuming this show is to recap. I mean, just all the times I have to type "Veronica" alone, you know? Bob Gunton asks Veronica if she misses her daughter, and she lets some hurt into her eyes and voice as she asks if he gets extra vacation days if she cries. Bob Gunton says he's sure Veronica's mom is taking good care of her daughter. "She's probably stopped huffing paint by now, right?" Boy, the record he's reading may be fictional, but given the trailer-trash elements, it sounds like Veronica hasn't exactly forgotten her real mother. Bob Gunton pulls out a cassette recorder and plays a tape of what sounds like a country song, and I'm sure the props department was just effing thrilled that for a show set in the future, they had to dig out something that went out of style when Veronica was in diapers. Anyway, Bob Gunton stands and skeevily calls Veronica a "little blonde slice of heaven" as he walks behind her. He asks her to tell him who she is as he massages her shoulders, and while I've already expressed my Gunton love, I'm going to have to say that while we'll yet see who she is, I think it's safe to guess that what she is is seriously grossed out. We close in on Veronica's face...

By Couch Baron | Aired on 2007.11.06

...and then we see her striding into FBI headquarters wearing a smart navy suit and announcing her name to the attendant. She gets her "Special Agent" security badge and clips it to her lapel. That's cool, but if she's a Special Agent on her first day, who's a regular agent in this place? Is it like, "Agent, can you plunge this toilet when you get a minute?"

Dan tells us that from beginning to end (not counting post-production), the mini-pilot was a two-week process. He goes on that once Rob called him and told him about the idea, they had a script and a budget within forty-eight hours, and ten days later they'd shot it. They came up with new characters, set design, and locations, and it was a thrilling process. It was probably less thrilling for all the series regulars who were going to get axed had the concept been greenlit, but in the end everyone ended up in the same boat sailing on Lake Bitter, so why belabor the point, right?

As Veronica walks around and surveys the glass offices, VMVO says with everything she's been through, there's no reason to think that she won't survive her first day at the FBI.

By Couch Baron | Aired on 2007.11.06

As she reaches two guys that are unremarkable except for the Dean-and-Sam difference in their height, VMVO goes on that survival will be especially easy if her competition is "Brady and Omar, who made it through the academy based solely on nepotism and language ability, respectively." It may seem like I'm paying undue attention to detail given the fact that this series didn't make it, but the recent news about Cupid makes it pretty clear that You Just Never Know. VMVO adds that they didn't do their homework, as "the boss" is big on punctuality. Veronica reaches a small auditorium, only to find it about three-quarters full. She's put out that "Callie Farmer" is already there, which seems clumsy, given that (a) you'd think most FBI agents would be go-getters, and (b) the boss enters just as Veronica's shapely butt hits her seat, so it's not like she knows Callie was ass-kissingly early or anything. Bossman informs everyone that there are some newbies from Quantico with them, and then mildly calls out the just-arriving Brady and Omar for being late. I heard sterner reprimands in fifth grade, so I'm not sure this is anything to get worked up about. Bossman then tells the non-newbs to use the fresh meat for legwork on the "Book Rate Bombers." He shows a slide of their prime suspect, who hasn't been seen in ten days, and adds that he won't shave until he's behind bars. It's a good thing I'm not an agent, then, because that declaration would have had the exact opposite motivation for me than was intended. Who wouldn't want to see if the man's beard could be made to hit the floor? Bossman then asks "Mr. Carter" about some other suspect, and we see that Mr. Carter is played by Adam Kaufman, who is just popping up all over the place lately. Having cut my teeth on him in the roles of Parker and Gayoda, it's still very odd for me to see his hair under control. On the other hand, we'll soon see that his character is a total douche, so at least there's some degree of familiarity. (Wow, did you know he's having a kid with Poppy Montgomery? I had no idea those two were an item.) Anyway, Carter tells Bossman that they're getting no evidence on the phone, and most of his business is done in a booth at his strip club, so what they need is someone on the inside posing as a waitress or, preferably, an exotic dancer. Bossman asks for volunteers, which elicits a fake-sneeze-covered "Newbies!" While there's no doubt that the guy who did that is a total Chipster, I'm grateful to him, because it allowed me to replay the awesome Jesse Bradford speech about the "loser sneeze" from Bring It On in my mind. One day I won't rush off and watch that movie the moment something reminds me of it, but that day is not today. Excuse me for two hours.

By Couch Baron | Aired on 2007.11.06

Okay, so Callie and Veronica look at each other, and then Veronica volunteers that she's a terrible dancer. Heh. The Bossman genially says they'll work on that, and then moves on to "New Horizons," a Federal reform school for "bad girls." He says there have been allegations of sexual abuse by the "principal slash warden," so they need someone who's ready to go back to high school. Veronica: "So the strip club -- is that just topless, or fully nude?" Hee.

Back with the principal slash warden, he has Veronica spit her gum out. I hope I'm not going to offend your delicate sensibilities too much if I let you in on the fact that this is a preparatory move. However, he's unaware that she's sporting a wire, as Carter is listening in. Bob Gunton suggests Veronica show him what she has to contribute to society. Wow, that's about the most euphemistic way of referring to a somewhat coerced and definitely illegal May-December blowjob I've ever heard. As Bob Gunton closes the blinds, Carter impatiently mutters, "Get him to say it." I wonder if the Foley guys' effort of The Loudest Zipper In The World Unzipping will suffice. Apparently not, as Veronica asks what "that" is, and Bob Gunton replies that it's a membership into the "Guess Who's Home To Her Little Girl Two Months Early Club." A month per inch, eh? That's easy to remember. Veronica, just to be clear, projects her voice as she asks if she gets two months off for performing "a sex act" on him. He notes her formality, but she forcefully tells him that she likes direction, and she's willing to take a ride if she knows it'll get her where she wants to go. If only we all had those assurances before sex. Bob Gunton assures her that she'll be home by Christmas, which Carter notes is all they need, and tells her to get out of there. I was going to make a joke about all work and no play, but that's too gross even for me.

By Couch Baron | Aired on 2007.11.06

Rob tells us that while the Neptune Sheriff's Department had all these warm yellows and browns, they wanted a radically different look for the FBI. Dan adds that with the show going in a new direction, the vibe and aesthetic had to be different as well. Rob says that they haven't definitely settled in on a cooler-tones color scheme, but this was just another way they could indicate a "seismic shift" to the network. His tenses make it pretty clear that this interview was done before the show was canned, and I don't know what to say about that so let's just move on, shall we? Dan says that the color palette was sleeker and sexier, which jibes with how exciting a period people's twenties can be. That period can also be extremely embarrassing, so I hope there were some crimsons and purples thrown in as well.

Veronica starts to rise and says she has some thinking to do, but Bob Gunton roughly shoves her back into her chair and says thinking time is over, and she has to pay up. As Bob Gunton unbuckles his pants, Veronica mockingly says her virginity is a precious gift, and I'm hoping she's being ironic, because it would be a shame for her to get points off for forgetting her baby-fueled cover story so close to the end here. He tells her it happens to be his birthday, which apparently puts her over the edge as far as the gross banter she's willing to put up with goes, as she rises and disgustedly tells him she's FBI, and to pull his pants up, as he's under arrest. Bob Gunton is like, seriously? Veronica: "Do you want to see my badge?" Apparently he does...

...because we hilariously cut to him running outside in half-speed while trying to refasten his pants in the process. Boxers, Bob Gunton. The easy access they provide would have given you a much better chance of escape. Veronica chases after him, and I know her legs are short, but I still think she should be able to catch a sixty-year-old man who's being impeded by his pants pretty easily. We don't get to see that, though, because Carter opens the car door right in Bob Gunton's path, bowling him over. Veronica tells Carter she had him, but as he cuffs Bob Gunton, he asks what she was going to do when she caught him. Veronica's clever answers fail to distract me from the eminent reasonableness of that question.

By Couch Baron | Aired on 2007.11.06

We cut back to a repeat of Veronica's question about the strip club, and this time we see Carter checking her out and laughing. Callie then volunteers to be the insider at the strip club, and Bossman comments, "Hotshot's going in." That's the prodding Veronica needed to volunteer for the high school. Bossman is psyched, and then some wag asks him if he needs any undercover patrons at the strip club. I hope he pulls a sting assignment at Chippendale's. Or better yet, Rawhide.

Dan says that one of the challenges was to figure out what Veronica would look like on her first day on the job -- to find something appropriate for her, but also appropriate for the FBI.

Some blond guy enters the meeting, and Bossman mildly thanks him for joining them. The guy makes a somewhat self-deprecating comment about Los Angeles traffic, and Veronica looks stunned as VMVO is like, "Great. What's he doing here?" Probably being the in line to incur the wrath of the Logan-lovers, if I had to guess.

Sometime after the meeting, Veronica sees the blond guy in the hallway, and calls to "Seth." She mentions that he was assigned to Miami, but he tells her that fell through, and jokes about the humidity there as Veronica looks around like she's on Dick Casablancas alert. She tells him that in regard to the summer, "I'm sorry if I...you know, hurt you." What was that last? My mind kind of started swimming at the "I'm sorry" coming out of her mouth. Seth easily says not to worry about it -- that was the Academy, and now they're professionals. Besides, he says, "you didn't hurt me that much." Aw, he's cute! Nice smile.

Rob says that all networks are looking for a blend of drama and romance and "soapy elements that seem to make Grey's Anatomy such a hit." But where's your McDreamy, Rob? Where's your McDreamy? Rob says they were trying to show Veronica doing first-year cop stuff, but also balancing in a complex romantic life.

Carter and Veronica are on a stakeout, and she asks a world-weary and somewhat rhetorical question about the nature of their work. Carter, as world-wearily but far more douchily, sighs that she's better than most rookies on a stakeout. He makes a big show of looking at his watch before announcing, "Forty-five minutes of silence. Some kind of record." Well, if she's going to take credit for anything, I think it should be for being the most repelled by your jerky ass. Veronica mildly snarks that she could tell he was just thrilled to be partnered with her, and mentions that she overheard him complaining to Bossman about being paired with "Barbie." She plays it straight as she goes on that he must have read her file, since she doesn't tell people her middle name, but when he doesn't immediately catch the snap, she snarks on him, and he's impressed enough that the ice is broken. Well, that was better than cheating at a murder mystery. Carter mentions his theory that the real Book Rate Bomber is dead, and the person they're after is the guy who killed him. Veronica: "Is this one of those gut feelings I've heard so much about?" Heh. Carter blathers some stuff about the guy's M.O. that prompts Veronica to ask if he's a better profiler than all the FBI's top guys. Carter: "Yes." She laughs, and he smiles, but then says she's laughing because she doesn't know if he's kidding. "And if I'm right, it might mean that I'm smarter than you. And that would be just awful, because you've always been the smartest person in the room." Well, when it comes to profiling, he's certainly putting his money where his mouth is. On the other hand, the mention of money makes me realize he's just begging for a dollar bill with a certain message on it. Carter has to ruin his big moment by crowing, "See? I'm that good." Shut up, Carter.

By Couch Baron | Aired on 2007.11.06

Rob tells us that the L.A. setting opens the door to bigger cases, but mentions that what we're seeing isn't meant to be a coherent ten- to twelve-minute storyline, but rather a sampling of what you might see in Veronica Mars Season Four.

At Headquarters, Veronica bustles by when Bossman calls to her and compliments her work at New Horizons, and then tells her he's sorry they missed her at the drinks outing the night before. He mentions that he told "that hotshot" to pass the message among the "rooks," and tells her maybe he'll see her time. Veronica gives a "back to high school in more ways than one" face.

By Couch Baron | Aired on 2007.11.06

Establishing shot of a small house. Some guy who's a little cute and a lot dorky (the actor looks familiar, but there are no credits that I see for the mini-pilot, so I can't look his name up) is enthusiastically telling Callie and Veronica about the prime suspect mentioned earlier; he's apparently a "batshit [well, 'bat-BLEEP,' but you get the idea] crazy" professor. When Callie asks, "Crazy how?" the guy offers to dig up a copy of the prof's manifesto. When he's gone, Veronica mentions the drinks with Bossman, and Callie says he seems all right outside of the office. Given how hard the mini-pilot seems to be pushing for it, if this is the best "office hard-ass" persona the actor playing Bossman could come up with, I think the non-pick-up was the only thing that stopped a recast. Veronica testily asks if Callie could let her know time, but Callie tells her that the omission wasn't her doing -- Bossman calls everyone "hotshot," and it was Seth who told her about it. Veronica looks really pissed at Miami right about now. But she doesn't have time to dwell on exes who hold secret grudges, because she observes that the dork has several exquisitely crafted ships in bottles on shelves high up around his place. VMVO repeats Carter's words about his man being "meticulous and obsessive," and Veronica heads into the closet.

Inside, she looks around, and quickly finds a hollowed-out book. Usually, you'd suspect that the guy simply likes to smuggle a little whiskey into the library, but in this case I think we're meant to know that this is his bomb receptacle. Just then, she hears a scuffle from outside and draws her gun...

...and cautiously emerges from the closet to see the guy holding a wicked-looking knife to Callie's throat. He grinningly tells her to drop the gun, or he'll "open her throat from ear to ear." Well, that would leave an awful lot of blood for a meticulous guy to clean up, but I admit betting on that stopping him is a pretty deep position to take with someone's life.

Dan says it would be exciting to continue down this path, and Rob tells us that Veronica getting past her bitterness and resentment has always been a big part of the story, so figuring out what the big part is, so to speak, will be a great challenge. Would be a great challenge. Would have been a great challenge? Great -- on top of depriving me of the show, the cancellation is still foisting grammatical confusion on me. Anyway, that's what might have been, folks. See you around.