In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Silas orders Nadia to use Matt to find Katherine and then kill him. When she gets Matt alone, she grabs his face and summons Gregor. He's a little pissed that she killed his body, but she says Silas was already determined to kill him. It was the only way to salvage their plans. Just riddle me this, Show: While in his own body, Gregor seemed to have an American accent, so now that he's in Matt's, why does he sound vaguely Eastern European? Nadia promises Gregor-in-Matt that she loves him, so she'll find a way to permanently give him Matt's body. She'll do anything for him. Gregor asks where she buried his body. Nadia will tell him, provided he uses his Matt-ness to call Elena and find out where Katherine is.
Katherine and Elena share a distressing dream about Stefan attacking a bartender, so it's road trip time. On the ride, Katherine uses every opportunity to exacerbate the Stefan-related friction and guilt between Elena and Damon. When the unlikely trio gets to the bar that was in the shared doppel-dream, they find Jo whom Stefan bit (in the dream and in reality). She tells them he bit her, and then told her to run. When she looked back, he was on fire. A woman grabbed him and threw him in the truck of a guy who lives down the road behind the bar. This is all far too productive, of course, so things have to take a bad turn. The bartender pours Damon a vervain-laced shot. Nadia comes out of the back, armed and dangerous. Elena subdues Nadia and tells Katherine to run, which of course is what Katherine does best. Nadia breaks free from Elena's hold and runs after Katherine. Elena gets to Katherine first. They share a moment, but Nadia finds them and gives Elena a broken neck nap. Silas has been tracking Nadia (via GPS). By the time she gets Katherine to a (Matt's?) truck, Silas is waiting.
Stefan wakes to find Qetsiyah has engineered his release from the safe, and also saved him burning up in the sun. She gives him Silas's history, which begins in Greece, 2,000 years ago. The two of them were the most powerful members of a group of people called Travelers, from which the modern insurance company is descended. When they were engaged, they decided to find a way for their love to last forever. After he left her at the altar, Q discovered Silas was in love with someone else and had shared the immortality punch with his other woman, so she dumped him in a tomb hundreds of miles off the Nova Scotia coast. Don't think about it. It will make blood pour from your eyes.
Fun -- and not at all surprising -- fact, Silas's true love looks just like Nina Dobrev. To rub salt in the wound, the other woman is Qetsiyah's hand maiden, Amara. Q has come back from the Other Side -- for Stefan. I don't want to go way out on a limb, but raise your hand if you think, while the veil was down, Q harnessed Bonnie's life for her own and if in handling Q and Silas, the Fellowship of the Falls will find a way to resurrect Bonnie. Yeah, me too.
Anyhow, Qetsiyah decides her name is too old-fashioned and wants to be called Tessa. I haven't made up my mind about that, yet. Tessa is easier to remember than Qetsiyah, but it's no Q. What's-her-name is there to handle the task her hunters failed to accomplish: Kill Silas. Two thousand years ago, she managed to conjure up the cure. She gave it to Amara and killed her, so I'm not sure why nature kept creating doppelgängers of her since she died mortal, but there you go. Silas refused to take the cure. Q created the Other Side as a supernatural barrier between Silas and a peaceful afterlife with Amara. By the time Damon finds Stefan, Q is casting a spell on him that will neutralize Silas's mental powers.
Q's spell knocks out Stefan (and causes blood to stream from his eyes). The same thing happens to Silas, which gives Nadia and Katherine a chance to escape. Alone with Damon, Q tells him that all through the centuries, Silas's doppelgänger and Amara's have found one another. She says Damon is just the obstacle between true love, much as she was with Silas and Amara. She offers Damon a chance to leave Stefan with her. He can take off with Elena and no one will ever know. There's one problem: Damon would know and he loves Stefan too much. He throttles Q so she knocks him out. He wakes just as Elena arrives. Watching her fuss over Stefan worries him. Still, when they get Stefan home, Damon is honest with Elena about what Q told him. Elena and Damon decide they won't let the universe dictate their fate. Right now, it seems the universe is helping, because when Stefan wakes, he has no idea who either Damon or Elena are. Meanwhile, over at the Lockwood mansion, Matt wakes up with no memory of what he did while Gregor was actively possessing him. Elsewhere, Silas calls Nadia and demands that she turn over Katherine. When Katherine grabs the phone, Silas informs her of what already seemed patently obvious: Katherine's blood is now the cure.
I'll be back with my full recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page, and then come on over to the forum, where blood is starting to trickle from our eyes.
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your show starts.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Fun fact: I somehow convinced myself that I already wrote this recap. I think that's because covering all the exposition in the recaplet was so frigging exhausting. Don't worry. I remembered in time, but since I already feel like I wrote it, I'm having a hard time starting, so I'm just diving in. I'm forgoing the Previously business because so much of this episode is regurgitation of what has previously happened on The Vampire Diaries. You ready? Okay. Oh wait. I'm not. The dog just upchucked.
Stefan: Where's the recapper? I'm finally above water and able to say more than glug and she takes off for a sick dog?
Elena: Right? I'm having a dream about you doing exactly what you're doing. She ought to be covering the depths of our connection, which grew stronger once I dumped your ass, shacked up with your brother, found out I was sire bound to your brother, turned off my humanity, ditched the sire bond, killed a waitress, turned my humanity back on, chose your brother over you and haven't seen you in months. I mean...like this is important, Stefan!
Stefan: So is my attack on this blonde bartender. Mmm, mmm, good. I'd better tell her to RUN so I can feed on her again someday, er... I mean so I don't kill her. That's it. I'm going back outside. And in an homage to my love for Elena, I won't be wiping the blood off my face.
Sun: *sizzle*
Stefan: Do I really have to recap my own extreme pain due to burning up, because Silas stole my daylight ring?
Elena: No, I've got that, since I'm going to wake to Damon with a huge gasp over what I've just seen in my dreams.
Damon: Let's go back to sleep in my covet-worthy bed, in my covet-worthy bedroom, which adjoins my covet-worthy bathroom, featuring a covet-worthy tub.
Elena: I had a dream about Stefan. It was OMGWTFPOLARBEARCLEOLINDATM real.
Damon: Did I ask?
Elena: Do I need to recap the whole bar scene? I mean, they just watched it.
Recapper: No, you're good. I've got this. Wait. My dog just threw up again. Are you kidding me?
Damon: Perhaps she's exposition intolerant?
Recapper: Good Lord. I hope not, because if she is, she'll be dead before this recap is over. Oh God, she's trying to eat it. I have to go.
Elena: It's all right. I'm...
Katherine: I've got this, since I had the exact same dream and all.
Damon: I'm going to bury my head in my pillow and hope I'm the one having a dream while we have a time jump.
Elena: Oh look. It's Stefan's daylight ring. I love him so much more when I don't have to be around him. Now Damon's told me he's found nine bars along the route on which my dream was set, but none of them are named Joe's. Stefan's been in a safe all summer and I had a pit in my stomach, even though that saying is really I feel something in the pit of my stomach.
Damon: Crazy is as crazy does. I'm flexible. Let's go on a ridiculous psychic-dream-inspired road trip.
Katherine: Shotgun! The back seat leaves me car sick.
Recapper: Did you use your doppelgänger-fu to transmit any of your future nausea to my poor dog because she's barfing again.
Katherine: No, but I would, did I know how. I'm a little bitter about my human frailties.
Elena: Can't we just stash her in the cellar?
Katherine: Do you think I really want to take a road trip with you -- America's most boring self-righteous vampire?
Recapper: That's a quote.
Katherine: I hate you, Elena.
Elena: Ditto.
Katherine: I care about Stefan and always have. Since Elena's having the same dream, I suspect she cares just as much.
Elena: I scoff at her...accuracy.
Damon: La,la, la, I can't hear you, la, la, la. Why don't you go see what Silas is doing.
Silas: I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'm threatening Traveler Nadia over the phone. Are we going to cover how, in its efforts to be P.C., the show has really screwed the pooch?
Recapper: Seeing as how my dog has thrown up yet again, no. Besides, when I mentioned it on the boards, the topic went nowhere.
Silas: Great. Well I hate what we're calling "Travelers," so I make sure Nadia knows it and then tell her I think her murder of her Traveler Bud Gregor was an act and he's still alive because Matt's Gilbert ring brought him back to life. So Nadia, find out if Matt's still alive and then kill him.
Nadia: But he's such a Pudding Pop!
Recapper: I know. Right?
Nadia: Perhaps Matt could help us find Katherine Pierce for you, Silas.
Silas: New plan, get the information we need, then rip the ring off Matt's finger and kill him.
Recapper: That's it, I'm going back to calling you Stylus because you are the epitome of a tool.
Qetsiyah: Word.
Recapper: Hush. You're not in this scene. Let's cut to a scene you are in.
Stefan: I'm awake! Who's that pretty chick? Hey, pretty chick, I don't want to rip out your throat, so running might be in order.
Qetsiyah a.k..a Q aka Tessa (played by Janina Gavankar, who is Luna on True Blood): Blood bag?
Stefan: *SLURP*
Recapper: Oh FML. My dog is barfing again.
Q: So, you're a vampire doppelgänger burdened by a conscience. I saved you from this morning's sun, and before that, I got the late owner of this cabin to drag you from the quarry. You thanked him by biting off his head. Floss?
Stefan: Don't mind if I do. Who are you, anyhow?
Q: What do you know about Silas?
Stefan: I know we should call him Stylus because the tool stole my identity, locked me in a safe and threw it into the quarry. Should I exposit about my humanity switch?
Recapper: Lord no, Stefan. I'm trying to deal with a lot of dog puke here. I don't need to add my own.
Stefan: Well, Stylus is a tool, and a monster, and I'm going after him.
Q: You'll fry without your daylight ring.
Stefan: Damn it. He's also a jewel thief.
Q: Stylus was once but a simple man in love with a simple girl. His soul mate was his once true love. I know this all because I was there, in his arms.
Stefan: Are you his one true love? What is this, Once Upon A Time?
Recapper: Not even in the same neighborhood.
Q: I would have done anything for him.
Meat Loaf: But I won't do that.
Stefan: How are you even here right now? That was to Q. Meat Loaf, you can just skedaddle.
Recapper: My theory is that when Bonnie was doing her mojo on Silas, or maybe the veil between here and the OTHER SIDE, Q pulled a fast one. Figure it out and we can get Bonnie back, even though you, Stefan, are the only character who has a good excuse for not realizing that she's not traveling, but missing.
Q: Blah, blah, blah, exposition cakes. Silas and I were the most powerful "Travelers." We got engaged and decided to concoct a spell to join us in eternal life, or so I thought, but I didn't realize he had wandering eyes.
Stefan: This story sucks. Some witch, Qetsiyah, screwed him over.
Q: WRONG. He screwed her over to get her to make the spell. She found out he was using her and dumped him in a tomb with a cure. She wanted him to take it, die and join him on her newly created THE OTHER SIDE FOR MAGICAL CREATURES. Now Silas wants to destroy THE OTHER SIDE, then take the cure, die, pass on and have peace.
Stefan: If you're Silas's true love, just run off into the sunset together.
Q: Try to keep up. Silas was my true love. I never said I was his. I'm Qetsiyah. And I'm a loony bitch. See how I light the fire in the fire place with only the power of my mind. What a guy, listening to the HIS-story.
Stefan: It probably won't help if I say I thought you were dead and hanging on THE OTHER SIDE.
Q: I was. For 2,000 years. I came back for you.
Buffy: She came back wrong.
Recapper: B, she went away wrong.
Meanwhile, on the Road Trip to Hell, there's a lot of sniping about how hard it is to find Katherine and Elena's dream bar. I've blocked it out.
Katherine: I was just pointing out that it's a little icky that Elena is sharing a bed with Damon, yet has spent the summer dreaming about his brother.
Recapper: Since you were doing the Sal Bros concurrently, I think you should just sit down in your little glass house and shut up.
Elena: Thank you, Cindy.
Recapper: Please, don't. I actually agree that it's icky. Seeing how I've never slept with any Salvatores, never mind two brothers, and certainly not two at the same time, a la Miss Kiki, I'm refraining from comment.
Katherine: I'm still going to twist the knife a little more and suggest that Elena's connection to Stefan is a sign that her dumping him for Damon is a big mistake.
Damon: Why did I subject myself to this?
Elena, Katherine, Recapper (in unison): Because you love Stefan even more than you love either Elena or yourself.
Meanwhile, in Mystic Falls, Matt is taking the trash out behind the Mystic Grill when he's confronted by Nadia.
Matt: What the hell did you and your creepy boyfriend do to me? What do you want?
Nadia: I'm here to keep you safe from Silas and I know he wants you dead. Trust me, okay?
Matt: Well, I did enjoy our three-way with Rebekah, so why not?
Fandom: DO NOT TRUST IT, MATT!
Nadia: Hush. I will just put my hands on his cheeks and summon up my maybe sorta kinda dead boyfriend, Gregor.
Matt: My eyes turn black.
Gregor: Now I'm in Matt's body.
Fandom: Lucky you.
Gregor: What the hell? You killed me.
Nadia: Silas was going to kill you. Doing it myself salvaged the deal. You buy that, right?
Gregor: So now I'm not a Traveler, but a Passenger.
Nadia: I'll make this permanent. I love you, especially in Matt's body. I will do anything for love.
Meat Loaf: But I won't do Matt.
Recapper: Hey, she already did.
Gregor: Tell me where you buried my body. Also, tell me why, when I was in my original body, I spoke like an American, but now that I'm in All-American Matt's body, I sound vaguely Slavic.
Nadia: Okay. But first, you will have to call Elena and find out where Katherine is. Now let's cut over to Stefan and Q.
Stefan: Yo, can I call my friends and family, Qetsiyah.
Q: Qetsiyah sounds so old fashioned. Call me Tessa.
Recapper: Hardly. Q is way easier and way more Bond.
Q: Whatever. Look. The Bennett Witch lowered the veil which presented me with the opportunity to make myself a living, breathing mortal and I thought, "Why not?"
Recapper: Probably because you had to steal Bonnie's life to do so.
Q: Spoiler alert! Anyhow, my hunters had failed in their task, so it's my turn.
Recapper: Your hunters? Some witch of African descent conjured up the hunters in 1110 A.D. I'd be glad to block out the entire last season, but is that what the writers really want?
Writers: *Crickets*
Recapper: Okey Dokey. I mean, screw you, but okey dokey, just the same.
Q: Let's flash back to Silas leaving me at the altar, shall we?
Recapper: Okay, but I am not your Exposition Fairy.
Exposition Fairy: And I'm on strike, so Cindy is all you have.
Q: I bridezilla-ed that wedding out, and instead of Communion, because who knows if Jesus had even been crucified yet, we were to consume the Immortality Elixir. But then everything around me started to die, even my flowers, yo, which weren't cheap. It was clear to me this meant Silas was already downing the Immortality Elixir with some ho. The bastard abandoned me. I thought I was his one true love and he ripped out my heart. I deserve the chance to look him in the eye and make him know how much he hurt me. So I found him with his Immortality Trollop and realized she was none other than my own handmaiden, who looked exactly like your Elena, because were you expecting anything else?
Past Silas: When I look at Amara, all I see is an angel?
Spike: So, not a gem, then?
Sponsors: A word.
Stefan: So Silas was the first version of me and your friend Amara was the first version of Elena?
Audience: Yawn. Cindy saw this crap coming long ago.
Recapper: Well, I wasn't spot on, but I can follow the dots, yo.
Q: Amara was hardly a friend. Anyhow, when they drank the Immortality Elixir, they violated Nature, so nature found a balance by creating shadow selves which could die.
Recapper: Aren't you jumping ahead?
Q: Don't you want me to? Whatevs. You, Katherine and Elena are all only here because you're ripple effects of Silas and Amara's sin.
Audience: So why are we still watching? We mean, if this is just some permanent loop, we don't even care.
Stefan: So what are you doing now with the herbs and the fire?
Q: Would you believe I'm making you a new daylight ring?
Stefan: Shit. I believed Elena wasn't into Damon. What won't I believe? But we've been hogging the story. Let's toss it to my treacherous bro and that whore who used to be mine.
Elena: We're here, wherever here is. Katherine is asleep in the backseat of the car, but I can't really believe we're leaving her there.
Damon: It's the only time she shuts up! And yes, it's a lot of freaky that you and Katherine are having dreams which allow you to pinpoint the location of my brother, but I love him more than I love you, so let's go see if he's in there.
Jo, a.k.a. blonde bartenders with a big ass neck wound: Can I get you something?
Damon, with compulsion eyes on: Um, who ate your neck, Jo?
Jo: I was attacked by a sicko who bit me and then told me to run, and then he caught on fire. You know. The usual Thursday. Then some unknown woman shoved him in a truck and drove away. I didn't know her, but the truck belongs to the neighbor who lives ten miles down the dirt road out back. Here, have a drink.
Damon: *Sputters* VERVAIN?
Nadia: I told her to pour him a drink or I'd kill her.
Damon: And you are?
Katherine: *Picks this time to walk in*
Nadia (aiming a gun at our lesser Fellowship of the Falls): Which one of you is Katherine Pierce?
Katherine: That'd be her.
Nadia: Katherine is a compulsive liar but I need her alive, so I'm just going to shoot this gun.
Elena: Don't die, Katherine. If you do, we'll never be able to experience the pinnacle of self-absorption. Run. I'll grab Nadia.
Nadia: She does grab me, but as soon as Katherine is gone, I throw off Elena and run after her. I zoop (that's Stealth Salvatore to you) out after Katherine. Am I a vampire Traveler? The thot plickens.
Damon: Wonderful. Now we've got a vampire bounty hunter to deal with. Let me guess, Eurobitch was not part of the dream.
Elena: Bitch please. I'll chase after her. You go find my two true love, Stefan.
Damon: She almost killed you.
Elena: Stefan. Stefan. Stefan.
Damon: Well, when you put it that way. Just give me a kiss so I can deny reality. Now we'll cut to Stefan.
Stefan: So, what's the plan -- take the cure and shove it down Silas's throat? Kill him?
Recapper: Sounds good to me.
Q: No spoilers. Silas has way too much telepathic power now.
Recapper: I also cover The Tomorrow People. Maybe Uncle Jed could be of help.
Q: Bitch, please. He spent 2,000 years consuming blood from untold numbers of people. He is out of our telepathic league.
Stefan: So, like, is Amara locked away in a tomb, because I really dig girls who look like Nina Dobrev.
Q: Hardly. I cured her of her immortality, then slayed her, then left her blood everywhere for Silas to see, then rubbed our aborted wedding plans in his face.
Ancient Flashback Silas: She all mad.
Ancient Flashback Q: Little bit. I can totally forgive you if you'll take the immortality cure.
Silas: UN-possible.
Q: *Snicker*
Set: You need blood to live. How about your lover's? Oh and here's her heart.
Stefan: Okay, I hate Silas, but you're a psycho bitch.
Q: I created the OTHER SIDE as a supernatural barrier between Silas and the peaceful afterlife he craved...
Audience: Yeah, we get it. Shut up.
Stefan: So like you're not making me a daylight ring?
Q: I have trust issues. I'm controlling, and paranoid, and a little crazy. Here, have a mystical migraine.
Sponsors: Another word.
Katherine: We open in the woods. I'm running, because that's what Tiggers do best. But darn the luck, my dummy ganger catches up with me. Being human is really dumb. Okay? And oh, say, Elena, why didn't you kill me?
Elena: Because you're so pretty. Also, you're leverage. Granted, I could have killed you after I shoved the cure down your throat, but I let you live because I value my humanity. While I didn't think being human was a punishment worse than death for you, I am glad to enjoy the happy accident.
Katherine: Well, thank you. I'm glad to know you care, even if you're a condescending bitch.
Nadia: This seems like a great time to give Elena a broken neck nap.
Katherine: FML.
Stefan: Back at the headless man's cabin, Q has me bound to a chair and surrounded by a huge circle of herbs and flowers. I feel like a fucking Maypole.
Q: Why not? I'm a Greek woman who somehow spawned the Rom, but we're calling them Travelers, who emerged from India and traveled forth to Europe, including the Slavic lands, and then came to America with our Slav accents and identified as Travelers, which is a British Isles things. I'm sure the first time we came here, we rode horses with Vikings in Virginia, right? Or possibly... I'm not in this scene.
Stefan: Damon, is that you? Silas's ex intends to make me part of her bouquet. Bitch is crazy.
Damon: Qetsiyah. Whatever.
Q: It's QetSIyah. Do you see why I want to change it?
Recapper: Do you think I'm going to oblige?
Q: FYI, you won't be able to free your brother until the spell releases him, and that's only after I get what I want.
Damon: So, the rumors are true. You're a freak.
Q: I'll link Stefan to Silas, which will neutralize Silas's telepathy until I damn well say so. I'll then force the cure down his throat.
Damon: The cure is done. Ingested.
Q: Katherine was supposed to be with you.
Stefan: Katherine took the cure.
Audience: Please try to keep up.
Damon: Did you plant those dreams in Elena and Katherine's heads?
Q: Where is she?
Damon: We ran into a snag, but we'll be going now.
Q: I think not. Besides, I'll have Silas's powers all dampened. Doesn't that sound nifty?
Stefan: Let's just do it, all right? Just get it over with. Do it and throw to Katherine.
Katherine: Well, I'm just asking Nadia who she is and what she wants.
Nadia: And I'm giving non-answers. Oh great, Silas is waiting at the truck I stole from Matt.
Stylus: GPS tracker. I learned technology wicked quickly. Let's cut back to the cabin.
Q: I'm just casting my spell. Cut back to Stylus.
Stylus: Thank you, Nadia. Let go of Katherine's arm.
Nadia: I don't think so, because any second, you'll be impotent.
Viagra: I totally should have advertised on this show. Screw the demographics.
Q: When it all susses out, my spell works. Stefan is bleeding from the eyes, though, and he's also unconscious.
Damon: She is the reason I can't have nice things.
Nadia: Meanwhile, out on the road, on which Stylus magically incapacitated, I shoot Stylus and hurry Katherine into the truck.
Damon: What are you doing to my brother?
Q: I'm frying Silas's brain. No one said it would be pretty. We're one. It worked. Commercial.
Damon: What did you do to Stefan? Why won't he wake?
Q: I just burnt through his conscious mind. No big. He'll wake. If you leave him here, maybe you can continue to get on so well with Elena. I know you think I was spying on you from the OTHER SIDE, but there's no cable there. I just got stuck on one show. Versions of Stefan and Elena find each other like magnets. They conquer all and fall in love. Stefan isn't Silas's first shadow. Destiny has been trying to mate the doppelgängers forever.
Damon: That stings.
Q: The Universe is working against you.
Damon: And you're its spokesperson, how?
Q: We're the same, Damon -- the obstacle standing between two fates. Since you're all clear that those two fates are Stefan and Elena, I am not transcribing this.
Damon: So I leave Stefan with you and run off to a happily ever after with Elena?
Q: I'd keep him safe.
Damon: Yeah. No. While it's tempting, it's time to beat you up now. Have a trademark TVD throttle, bitch.
Q: Have a trademark vampire migraine, Pixie Monster.
Damon: I wake to the sound of Elena's voice, but of course she's calling for Stefan, rather than me. She's also tending to him. I hate this episode.
Elena: Stefan, Stefan, Stefan.
Katherine: Meanwhile, I'm in some seedy motel, rifling through Nadia's bag when the bitch catches me.
Nadia: I vant to suck your blooooooood. Have some chips. My phone rings. It's Stylus. He wants to know where I am, but I know he's lost his mojo.
Stylus: I may have lost my psychic abilities, but kill you I will. Hold up your end of the deal. I know my ex-fiancée is alive and on her way to Mystic Falls.
Nadia: Ya think?
Stylus: Reconciliation isn't her thing. She hates me as I hate her, and the Recapper hates all this exposition and dog vomit.
Q: Meanwhile, I'm lighting all the candles and casting all the spells as Stylus tells Nadia that the two of us won't stop 'til we get what we want, and we want the cure.
Katherine: I grab the phone from Nadia because I have had it with the games. What do you want with me, Stylus?
Stylus: My two love looked just like you, but you make me want to puke.
Recapper's Dog: Don't eat the hotdog, man. I mean, I know it's all beef, and Kosher at that, but it will not end well.
Katherine: If I make you sick, why not cut me loose and call it a day.
Stylus: Because your blood is the cure. Now cut to commercial.
Matt: Dude, I wake up, face down, in the entry to Lockwood mansion. The door behind me is wide open. There are tracks of an indeterminate origin. Also? My phone is ringing. It's Elena. She says she found Stefan but lost Katherine. She wonders if I am okay because I sounded weird earlier on the phone. I'm all, "When did we talk on the phone?"
Elena: You called and asked about Stefan and Katherine. I told you where I was headed. You don't remember.
Matt: I remember diddly squat. Did I track mud into the house, or is it blood? Whatever, I'll lie for now to get off the phone. Once I'm alone, I find a knife in my pocket and freak out. We cut to...
Stefan: Elena fusses over my while I'm unconscious or pretend to be.
Elena: I praise the brotherly bonds because what else can I do? I ask what Q said to Damon.
Damon: She told me we don't stand a chance. As a doppelgänger, Elena is programmed by the universe to fall in love with her fellow doppelgänger, Stefan. We're a lost cause, no matter what.
Elena: She's crazy. I know I've spent the last couple of days being all Stefan, Stefan, Stefan, but that has nothing to do with how I feel about you. I'm not going to let Silas's 2,000 year old ex-girlfriend screw things up between us.
Damon: Like I am? No one tells me what to do. John Locke taught me a paraphrase of that motto. Nobody else's idea of destiny will stop me from loving you, or being with you, or building a future with you, because you are my life.
Recapper: *Swoons*
Elena: I kiss you hard, oh wait, Stefan, Stefan, Stefan is waking.
Damon: Welcome back, brother.
Elena: Stefan, my pit and I missed you.
Stefan: Uh, I'm sorry. I have no idea who you people are.
Plec and Co.: Dun dun dun!
Well, my dog hasn't vomited for a couple of hours now, so I think it's safe to crate her and go to bed. I'll be back with coverage of "For Whom the Bell Tolls." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum where blood is starting to trickle from our eyes.