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You're only expecting a spew, right? Great! Here we go. There's Lexi and Stefan rocking out to Bon Jovi. And hey, can I just say, the Other Side can't be all that bad, if you can get hair extensions. Am I right, Lexi? There's Stefan telling Lexi that Elena is the love of his life. There are nasty undead hunters, who can't stay dead even when you rip out their hearts. There are wooden bullets, laced with werewolf venom and shot into Damon's attractive chest. There's an unlikely Klaus solution to that problem, but I'm getting ahead of myself. There's Damon taking Hunter Vaughn on a fool's errand. There is Alaric being unbelievably awesome (like GILES levels of awesome), getting the best of Hunter Connor, and then claiming the Mystic Grill as his very own bar (which it totally is). There's Katherine out for Elena's blood. There's Dead Bonnie's planned raising of the veil. In the midst of all that, there's an actual graduation ceremony. And then mostly? There are lots and lots of tears, only to be outdone by confusion.
Here's what I can tell you right now. The sire bond is DEAD, may it unrest and rot in relentless agony. Stabby stabby kill kill. The good news (your 'ship may vary) is that even with the sire bond dead, Elena truly, madly, deeply loves Damon. You know what's deader than the sire bond, though? Bonnie! No really, haters. I like Bonnie (and thought she went out on a heroic note and can't guarantee you'll never again have to look on her) but I wouldn't troll you like that.
There are Matt and Rebekah smoochies and plans for a wonderful summer abroad (yet on the down low). There is also a Klaus and Caroline smoochie. Klaus is allowing Tyler to return to Mystic Falls, but tells Caroline that while the boy may be her first love, he (Klaus) will be her last. My only nit to pick about any of that is that I wish Tyler could have returned for the graduation ceremony. There are multiple fake outs about who is going to get the cure, but at the end of the day, Elena (who tried to give it to Stefan, so he could start over) shoves it down KATHERINE'S throat. That's right. The best vampire vixen of modern history is a human at the hand of her own descendant/doppelgänger. I sort of love that more than I can say.
Near the end, Jeremy is once again truly alive. But that's not even a thing, because aside from the fact that Bonnie isn't merely dead, but really and sincerely dead, I am sad (MOURNFUL) to report that Alaric and Lexi seem to shuffle back to the Other Side. But that's not even a thing, because Silas isn't so desiccated or calcified, or otherwise rocklike. According to him, when Bonnie died last week, the calcification spell she cast on him died with her. That would be all well and good, had the lowered veiled immediately raised itself again. No, seriously. Magical plots require consistency. You writers know I both love and envy you, but there have to be rules, borders, and an end zone. This is mostly why this episode garners an A- rather than an A+.
At the very end of the hour, Silas reveals himself to Stefan, while wearing Elena's meatsuit. He exposits about how Bonnie's death freed him from rockville, and starts blathering about doppelgängers, but then he turns into a Stefan lookalike, so if he's a doppelgänger, he's not a Petrova, but rather, he's Stefan's doppelgänger. Yes. Stylus is a reality. Worst of all, Stylus shoves Stefan in a coffin or locker or the like, and throws him to the bottom of the quarry. Yes. Stefan is trapped underwater for the nonce. Oh Stefan. How Angel of you. And here I was thinking last week was Whedonesque. Julie Plec, expect a letter from Joss's attorney, forthwith.
I'm sad to report that Lexi, Kol, and especially ALARIC, seem to have headed back to the other side. I'm especially bummed about Alaric. If we're going all Whedonverse, here, then Ric is the Giles that kisses our booboos and makes them all better, if only Julie Plec would let him. (Jules, the fandom is about to take to Kickstarter.com and raise bribe money.) I'll be back with the full recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page, and then come on over to the forum, where we're casting spells like crazy, to get Alaric back.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously on The Vampire Diaries, during Season 4 while drowning in gore, we raced for the cure (which is a bit of a bore).
Presently on The Recapper Diaries, I feel like maybe Strega should be writing this recap, but I'm getting ahead of myself, so let's see what our little Fellowship of the Falls is up to.
Currently on The Vampire Diaries, we open in the daytime, on the Mystic Falls High School football field. There's a stage and chairs set up for graduation, but apart from that and decorations, the field and bleachers appear otherwise empty. The camera pans from the seats, to the diplomas, to the podium. After some feedback, someone taps the mic. It's Kol, who says, "Welcome back." A passel of corporeal dead supernaturals takes the field. Kol continues: "It was our deaths that allowed this day to come to pass." Buffy eyes widen in horror. "He's gonna do the entire speech!" Willow adds, "Man, just ascend already." I fear my dead no longer onscreen supernatural friends are right. Kol has been handed the Exposition Fairy's wand and is bound and determined to get everyone up to speed on Silas and the massacres. Since I doubt anyone reading this recap needs or wants a rehash of Season 4's spaghetti mythology, I'll spare us all. While we're still on Kol's face, Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" starts up. Shot through the heart... Fade to black. And you're to blame. Title card fades in. Darlin', you give love a bad name. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. In front of the fireplace, Lexi shakes her ass like she's on the hood of Whitesnake's car, but Bon Jovi continues serenading us. Stefan is sitting on the couch with his back to her, which is a pity because even if they're just friends, Lexi is looking foine. I'm pleased to know that her supernatural purgatory on the Other Side didn't keep her getting hair extensions. Stefan drinks, chair dances and pumps his fist. [It seemed festive. --Giles]
Sidebar. Look, if you don't want the Whedonverse references, please direct your complaints to Alloy Entertainment. They totally baited me.
Damon enters and the music stops. The "Stelena" 'shippers say that's always the case, and that frequently, his presence also extinguishes the sun. (I don't want to hear it from you "Delena" 'shippers: the word of the week is grace, m'kay.) Stefan invites big brother to help him celebrate his 17th high school graduation, and reintroduces him to Lexi, who immediately Stealth Salvatores up to Damon, throttles him and says, "What's up, buzzkill?"
Okay wait, I know Damon killed Lexi and all, and while solid arguments can be made to support the claim that Stefan is the "better" brother, Damon is not the buzzkill of Mossy Manse. The trio engages in some bastard child of bicker and banter, which includes Damon reminding Stefan that there's an undead apocalypso going on right now, so perhaps it's not the best time to party. Stefan morphs into the Sarcasm Monster and wonders if he shouldn't be upstairs grooming his "hero hair." Oh, I'd forgotten how much I love Bitter Stefan. Damon takes a swig of the booze and asks Lexi and Stefan if they'd care to help him figure out why Bonnie failed to raise the veil. We cut to...
The Hellmouth. On the phone, Bonnie tells Caroline she hit a "snag." Caroline is at school handing out caps and gowns. Bonnie explains that she might have to wait until tonight's full moon to put the veil back up. Damon you for making me end that sentence in a preposition, Bonnie. I swear I typed "Damn you," not "Damon you," back there, but since I'm pretty sure being Damoned is Bonnie's idea of eternal damnation, stet, editorial. Stet. [Note: I'll allow it. -- Rachel.]
Caroline isn't thrilled with the idea of graduating in the middle of a ghost-filled Expression triangle. Along with Grams, Bonnie looks down at her own dead body. Awkward. I know I'd be fixing Dead-Me's hair, but I'll save the rest of this commentary for a sidebar because right now, Bonnie is taking her dead life into her hands, by suggesting to Miss Caroline "School Spirit" Forbes that they cancel graduation.
Caroline reacts more calmly than I'd expect. "No, we are not going to cancel. Graduation is the most important event of our lives. The last ceremony of our youth. It is our rite of freaking passage. Hell will freeze over before I let anyone cancel graduation." Bonnie suggests it's not the best time for "Hell freezing over" cracks. Caroline non sequiturs: "Just promise me today is a friend day." What? Like Bonnie is the one who gets a boyfriend and forgets her girls? I think not. Bonnie promises and says, "I love you." Caroline loves her back and hangs up. My daughter and I laugh at the idea that Bonnie thinks Caroline -- a student -- could cancel graduation, but then we think about it. There are like two adults left living in Mystic Falls. Caroline probably is running the whole school, and arguably, she's better suited for it than either her mom or Bonnie's Interim Dad.
Everyone looks so beautifully alive and happy to be together that I just want to bask. Jeremy tells Ric, "She just got her humanity back. Let her live a little," and then reaches for the bottle. Now it's Elena's turn to come over all protective. Are you kidding me, Elena? He's dead. He's an undead, dead, mystical vampire hunter. I don't want to see teenagers drinking. I don't want to promote it to my own children, but Jeremy is fricking dead. What's he going to do -- scar his liver? Jeremy agrees with me. "I'm dead. What are they going to do -- throw me in juvie?" Alaric: "Well, then at least you'd have a place to live." At that, Elena throws fries at her former guardian, and then at little brother, too. "You. Both. Suck."
It's laughter and impossibly white teeth all around. When Elena smiles, Ric says he wasn't sure he'd ever see it again. Here come the waterworks. Sheesh, Ric. Elena nods and fights back the tears. "I did some pretty terrible things." Jeremy is worried about me, so he tells her, "Hey, no. No tears. If Caroline was right, we only have until tonight. We need a No-Crying rule." Elena is glad she's finally feeling something. Taking both men's hands, she says right now, she feels happy. She interrupted by a phone call which she assumes is from Matt, but it's Connor, calling from the Grill. We cut to...
Some Parking Lot. I guess it's the MFHS Parking Lot, but I just realized I spent 2,000 words on six minutes of show, so no more thinking, darn it. Alexander has Rebekah and Matt. No, it makes no sense that Alexander captured them, since Rebekah is immortal and Xander doesn't have a White Oak stake or a Son of White Oak stake, and certainly not the Perma Son of White Oak Stake. Just go with it. Mama needs the summer off. Xander has Matt perched on some explosive trigger. If our favorite Pudding Pop steps off the trigger, the entire world (or at least Matt and some cars) will explode. When Xander takes the Exposition Fairy's wand and starts expositing about Connor's stash of werewolf venom, Rebekah takes one for us and asks what he wants. Xander's needs are simple: he wants to fulfill his destiny. "The brotherhood of the Hunters was created for one reason, and one reason alone..." We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Damon opens the door to find Vaughn, who promptly shoots him with a wooden bullet and says he has a message for our Evil Pixie Monster. "...Straight from the mouth of the witch, Qetsiyah." We cut to...
The Grill. Connor is still on the phone, and tells Elena, "We want Silas and we want the cure." When Elena says she can't help him, Connor makes less than veiled threats about all the visiting relatives in town for the MFHS graduation ceremony. Over at the cemetery, Alaric mouths something at Elena (who nods) and then takes off. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Vaughn looks on as Damon digs the wooden bullet out of his pliable flesh. Damon reminds Vaughn he didn't even kill him. Since Damon and the Fellowship left Vaughn on Craphole Down East to starve to death, Vaughn feels differently. Once he was on the Other Side, Q found him and reminded him of his supernatural destiny. You all know that every time I have to go into this mythology, my soul dies a little, right? The things I do for my hack art. Anyhow, Vaughn says that destiny is to cure and then kill Silas, but before he can bore me into a coma, Stefan comes up from behind him, and rips out the hunter's heart. Still loving Bitter Stefan, y'all. Vaughn's body slumps to the floor. The Salvatores exchange glances that send the more prurient fanfic writers into a frenzy.
Meanwhile, Elena begs Connor not to hurt anyone. She'll find Silas and get the cure. Connor pronounces this good and hangs up, only to have Ric sidle up behind him and ask, "So, you get off on terrorizing innocent people?" Connor asks who Alaric is. Ric: "I'm the guy responsible for the 18-year-old you just threatened." Woo! Connor whinges about how that 18-year-old recently snapped his neck, but I still say he totally had that coming, so whatever. Ric, who is on my side, says, "I'm also the guy who showed her how to do that." Yeah you are. Connor unfastens his jacket and blathers about how Ric must be a clueless hunter, if he's trying to intimidate a dead guy packing C-4. Ric takes a moment to send the entire fandom into the THROES OF WANTING ALARIC BACK ON THE SHOW. "This is my bar, pal. Nobody's gonna blow it up." Connor takes out a trigger mechanism and squeezes. Ric grabs him and Stealth Salvatores him right out of the bar. A little blow back hits the Grill from the door side, but it's just an annoyance. Speaking of -- COMMERCIAL.
Parking Lot. Matt is still standing on the trigger. Xander taunts Rebekah about trying to whisk Matt away. While I can understand why this is an issue in their current circumstances, I still can't understand how Immortal Rebekah let it go this far.
Matt tries to distract Rebekah from Xander by asking about her post-grad plans. Rebekah tells our Pudding Pop that travel it is. She waxes nostalgic about Italy, and that church at which she buried Xander. The reference isn't lost on the hunter. Someone on our boards wanted me to make a Xander/Highlander reference, but I must admit that while I know of The Highlander, it's never been my thing. I can't fake it.
Rebekah ignores her 900 (or whatever, if I could do math, I wouldn't be a recapper) year old ex and focuses on our Pudding Pop and promises to show him the world. I also recap Once Upon A Time, so I'm struggling not to go all Aladdin on you right now. Matt says, "China. Paris. Northern Lights? It's a date." Oh yeah, it is. Rebekah turns to Xander and rubs in the fact that when this all plays out, she and Matt won't be ghosts stuck on the other side. Xander throws a dagger (or something) at the couple. Rebekah easily snatches it, but in the process, she nearly knocks Matt off the explosive trigger. We cut to the...
School. As Bonnie walks down a darkened corridor in her graduation gown, she meets up with Katherine, who still wants to collect the promised immortality. Bonnie points out that Q wasn't cooperative, so Kiki is out of luck. Kiki in turn threatens Elena's life. "My shadow-self [PAY ATTENTION TO THAT WORDING] is living a better life than I am, so if I don't get that immortality, I may just have to get rid of her altogether." Bonnie doesn't take kindly to threats against her BFF, even though she currently hates said BFF and points out she can crush Kiki's skull without flinching. Katherine, being Katherine, tells Bonnie to bring it. They're interrupted by a bunch of almost-graduates walking down the hall. When Bonnie turns back to face her tormentor, Katherine is gone. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Elena finds Damon and tells him they need to talk. Damon agrees, but first he has something to give Elena. Presenting her with the cure, he tells her it's a graduation present. Elena says she can't accept it. She wants it, but it's the only one. She exposits about the hunters, but Damon tells her he wants her to take it, regardless. She thinks it over, but ultimately tells him she can't. Damon says, "Well, I guess that answers the sire-bond question." Thank gawdalmighty. When Elena remains recalcitrant, Damon says, "Are you gonna help a brother out, or are you just going to lurk?"
I'm expecting Stefan, but Jeremy appears and says, "Look, Elena, you're my sister and I love you. No matter what you choose." Damon: "How is it that even when you're dead, you're the bane of my existence?" We cut to the...
Mossy Manse Fireplace. Lexi exposits about how long the veil will be down. She's trying to figure out the Silas mythology. Poor noodle. After some witty repartee, Lexi tells Stefan he's missing his chance to weigh in on Elena's cure conundrum. Stefan cuts to the chase. While Damon and Elena are arguing about the cure, they're ignoring the fact that the sire bond is gone. Lexi asks him, "And what if whatever she feels -- is for you?" Stefan sighs and admits Elena is the love of his life. He'd go back to her in a heartbeat, but if she doesn't feel the same, maybe he needs to hear just that to get his arse out the door. "Maybe I will move to Australia. I can live in a yurt." Our Antipodean readers would like to me to point out that yurts aren't typical Aussie dwellings. Done.
After Lexi and Stefan clink glasses, Vaughn arises from having his heart ripped out. I will drop my complaint about these corporeal returnees because really, what will it get me? We cut to...
Whatever other room that is in Mossy Manse. Damon points out that they don't need the cure for Silas, since he's currently a big rock. [It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big. --Spike] When Damon groans in pain, Elena realizes something else is going on. His bullet wound hasn't healed because the wooden bullet was laced with werewolf venom. Elena says we need Klaus and his healing blood. I beg her to define "we." Damon figures Klaus isn't likely to come riding to his rescue. It's then that the Germ asks, "What about the cure?" Elena whips around to face him. She figures if Damon is human, the werewolf venom won't hurt him. Damon points out that she refused the cure to save mankind, but now wants him to take it. Then he distracts her by pointing out that it sounds like Vaughn is awake. We cut to the...
Fireplace Room. Damon tosses Vaughn the cure with a casual, "Here." Stefan: "What the hell are you doing?" Damon: "Digging up Silas. You coming Vaughn, or not?" The hunter follows our Evil Pixie Monster out the door. Elena looks at Stefan. We cut to commercial.
Damon leads Vaughn to the quarry. Is that really a quarry? Who the heck knows? It's falls and a river and a lake and such. Let's call it a "quarry" for convenience, okay? Damon tells Vaughn that's where he dumped Silas. Vaughn wants a more specific location. Damon dissembles with a physics formula. We cut to the...
Parking Lot. Matt confides in Rebekah that he's still wearing the Gilbert Protect-o Ring, but she doesn't have faith in it. Rebekah is afraid that if she moves Matt and causes the blast, even the ring will blow into a million pieces, and hence it will fail to protect him. I think she's wrong, but I'm so over this show's mythology, I can't be arsed to argue with her. Matt continues his line of reasoning and seems to convince Becky who says, "Okay. The first rule of truly living -- do the thing you're most afraid of." At that, she lays a big, wet smooch on Matt's Pudding Pop lips. He kisses her back, for what it's worth. When they break, Rebekah is standing on the trigger and Matt's feet are on solid ground. He asks what she's doing. Rebekah says, "I can't be killed, and you can't miss graduation. Please go." So, I'm taking it their cram sessions worked, as Matty was concerned he mightn't graduate. Matt refuses to leave at first, so Rebekah begs him to run. Once he does, Xander emerges from a nearby trailer and asks Rebekah what she's done. She says, "I've finally chosen one of the good ones." You go, girl! There's an explosion. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Elena frets to Stefan about the cure. Stefan reveals Damon hasn't yet even buried Silas's body, so his field trip with Vaughn is just a stall. Elena points out that Damon is still dying of werewolf venom. Stefan says he'll go to New Orleans and personally beg Klaus for some healing blood. At that, Jeremy appears and tells Elena she must attend her graduation. Oh right, that. You know, Plec and Co, if/since you were determined to um... pay homage to so much of the Whedonverse, you should have just gone ahead and centered all the action at graduation. I'm just sayin'... Elena is reluctant, but Jeremy talks her into it. We cut to...
Mystic Falls High School. Exterior. Caroline leaves Klaus a voice mail about how they need his blood to save Damon. What? Did someone compel Caroline? She hates Damon's guts. Matt joins Caroline and Bonnie, who wonders where Elena is. She arrives, all smiles, with Stefan by her side. Elena hugs Bonnie and thanks her for today. Caroline is verklempt that they're all there together. She's even more moved that Bonnie is in tears. Bonnie says, "It's our last hurrah before you guys go off to college." Elena confesses she missed application deadlines on account of being an emotionless bitch. Caroline blathers about how their future is an oyster they can share in a triple dorm room. I had one of those. Once you get in the beds and bureaus, there is no room for shellfish, Care Bear. Everyone smiles. Bonnie glows at the friends to whom she should be saying goodbye. Caroline demands a group hug. Everyone complies. It breaks my heart. We cut to the...
Ceremony. Bonnie's Interim Dad presides. We wait while all our main characters and some fillers' names are called. When her dad calls her name, Bonnie gives him a big hug and thanks him "for everything." Sob. When Elena's name is called, Bonnie claps until Kol leans over her shoulder and says, "Greetings, little witch." Bonnie says she thought Stefan got rid of him. Kol says, "He did. And I spent the night crawling out of a cement grave." He directs Bonnie's attention back a few rows. "Isn't that the witch Caroline killed?" Wait a gosh-darned second. Graduations are carefully choreographed events. No way all these no graduates are seated amongst the senior class. The director ignores me. , Kol points out Hybrid Adrian, and blathers about all the incensed supers who are there because they died to create the Expression triangle. Bonnie tells Kol the veil will go back up tonight. Kol doesn't want the veil to go back up. "I want you to drop it completely, so that I, and my former friends, can live, Bonnie. It's time to pay the piper." Bonnie glares us into commercial.
Hellmouth. Bonnie leads Kol to the school basement. While alive, he was against Hell on earth, now he's all in favor of it. He's taken aback when he sees Bonnie's other, original body. She emotes to him about all she's losing and all she'd like to keep. Kol figures they're on the same side now, and moves toward Bonnie, only to find he's been turned into some mime, banging against an invisible wall. I look for a Devil's Trap, before I remember this isn't. Supernatural. Bonnie says he's captive until dark, when the veil goes back up. We cut to the...
Quarry. Damon is taunting Vaughn, until the latter notices Damon's necrotizing wound and figures out Connor must have laced the bullets with werewolf venom. Realizing Damon figures himself dead and therefore led him down the garden path, Vaughn unloads a few more venom-laced bullets into our Evil Pixie Monster. The cure is dangling from a rope tied around Vaughn's neck. He demands to know where Silas is. When Damon doesn't talk, Vaughn shoots him again then asks after Silas's whereabouts. Undead Alaric rides to the rescue, snaps Vaughn's neck and throws him into the water below. Then smiling, Ric turns to Damon and says, "Oops." Damon says, "One slight problem." Alaric raises his hand in the air. From it dangles the cure. "You mean this?" Damon tries to smile, but it's a grimace. We cut to...
Graduation. Stefan is behind the bleachers with Elena and Caroline. On the phone, Alaric tells him Damon won't take the cure because he wants it for Elena. Stefan tells Ric to hang on a little longer, since they're still waiting to hear from Klaus. Ric says they're beyond that. "What do you want me to do -- stand here and watch him die, or force-feed him the cure?" Stefan sighs, which kind of pisses me off because if these brothers are nothing else, they are at least devoted to one another. Before Stefan can answer, he, Elena and Caroline are all stricken by a high pitched squeal. It's the dead witches, and they want to know if Caroline remembers them. Before Care Bear can respond, Klaus arrives and uses a mortarboard like a Frisbee to decapitate the head witch (or, I guess that's now headless witch). Holding another mortarboard, Klaus says, "There are plenty more of these to go around." Before I even get to the dead witches running away, I just have to note that this is the first time I've EVER been glad to see Klaus -- at least in a narrative sense. The witches scamper. Caroline smiles at Klaus. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Night. Klaus must have cured Damon, given that Elena finds him feeling better and "fresh as a daisy." Once she knows he's okay, Elena smashes Damon in the face so hard that even the lurking Lexi recoils and says, "Ouch." Alaric wanders in and smiles. "Yeah. I taught her that swing." Oh my word, how is it that after two seconds, I'm 'shipping Lexi and Alaric? Stefan points out it's not polite to eavesdrop. Wait. They're in other rooms? Well, okay, I guess they are, considering Elena enters the parlor and asks Stefan, Alaric and Lexi if they've seen the Germ. Alaric says Jeremy went to see Bonnie before the veil is raised.
Elena asks Stefan for a moment alone. There's more Lexi/Alaric moments. I feel like I'm cheating on Aunt Jenna, but I'm totally into this. Of the Other Side, Lexi tells Ric, "You know there's something else out there, right? There has to be. Silas's whole agenda was to find peace with his one true love. And whatever peace is -- it's out there. I figure once we've served our time for all the bad things we've done, then it's just about letting go and moving on." Ric sighs. "And how are we supposed to do that when the knuckleheads we care about can't seem to their lives straight?" Lexi has no answers. We cut to...
Another Room. Elena thanks Stefan for sticking by her and believing in her, even when she was at her worst. Stefan figures he owned her one. At that, Elena gives Stefan the cure. He refuses it, but Elena says, "Stefan, the only person worse at being a vampire than me is you." Amen. She goes on, but you get the picture. Elena tells Stefan he taught the rest of them how to carry on. "You deserve whatever you want out of life. You deserve this." We cut to the...
MFHS Field. Klaus finds Caroline looking upon the site of her last high school triumph. He was already on his way back to the Falls when Caroline texted him. They banter and he dangles New Orleans as a possible graduation present, but then says, "I knew what your answer would be, so I opted for something I knew you would accept." Klaus has freed Tyler. That is, our Pudding Pup is now free to return to Mystic Falls. "He's your first love. I intend to be your last. However long it takes." Klaus then swoops in and kisses Caroline, never, of course mentioning, that he's learned patience only after learning Werewolf Hayley is expecting his bastard. Just enjoy the kiss, you 'shippers. You certainly held on long enough. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Elena finds Damon, who says he wanted apologize until he realized he's not sorry. Elena is not okay with Damon willing to die over being human. He doesn't care. He's not sorry. He's selfish. He knows he makes bad choices that hurt her. He can't stand the thought of growing old, dying, and losing her while she's still her. He'd rather die now than spend his final years remembering he once had it good. "That's who I am, Elena. I'm not going to change, and there's no apology in the world that encompasses all the reasons I'm wrong for you." When he sighs, Elena replies that she's not sorry, either. She's not sorry for meeting or knowing him. "...In death, you're the one who made me feel most alive. You've been a terrible person. You've made all the wrong choices, and of all the choices I've made, this will prove to be the worst one but I am not sorry that I'm in love with you." Damon's lips part. His eyes widen. Elena says, "I love you, Damon." Damon closes in on her and kisses her. My daughter screams so loudly, I can't even hear the obnoxiously loud "background" music. Elena kisses him back. The fireplace crackles in response. We cut to...
Another Mossy Manse Room. Stefan looks like he's at a funeral. Poor bunny. Lexi approaches and nails him for eavesdropping. Stefan remains silent, but his flaring nostrils speak volumes. Commercial.
Outside Mossy Manse, Damon finds Stefan loading up a car. Stefan wonders if the quarry will be deep enough to bury Silas. Damon figures it'll do. When Damon offers to accompany Stefan, the younger brother says he has Lexi coming with him. As Damon starts to walk off, Stefan stops him. "Hey Damon, I'm not happy about Elena, but I'm not not happy for you, either. I just wanted you to know that." Damon thanks Stefan and leaves. We cut to the...
Hellmouth. When Jeremy finds Bonnie, she tells him she has to close the veil. He gets it. He just wants to be with Bonnie. He can't say goodbye to Elena again. He left her a letter instead. Oh Germ, once Elijah has written a girl a letter, no one else should even try. Jeremy insists he's ready to leave. Bonnie nods, folds her hands and closes her eyes. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Alaric is staring out the window. When Damon enters, Ric announces the moon is full and asks where Elena is. Damon says she went to find Jeremy and Bonnie. Under Alaric's gaze, Damon's face struggles against smirking. Finally, he asks, "What?" Alaric smiles. "You got the girl, man." Damon says, "I got the girl," and lets his face relax into a lopsided grin. Ric says, "Now don't screw it up." Damon inclines his head and pours some booze as he says, "Well, with you looking over my shoulder, how can I?" And then Alaric is gone. Noooooooooooooooooooo! We cut to the...
Road. Lexi rides shotgun as Stefan drives off into the night. She suggests New York and Vegas as possible destinations. Lexi tells Stefan it's time to start living his life, but Stefan can't get over the idea that Elena might have been the one. Lexi says, "She was, and she will always be an epic love. Contrary to popular belief, there are actually multiple ones. Especially for a vampire. The only way to find another is to let go and move on." Thank you, Lexi. Really. How does he not know this? And you kids playing along at home? That's true for you, too. I swear. Eyes trained on the road, Stefan says, "I've never been to Portland." When he gets no response, he turns his head toward the passenger seat, only to find it empty. Stefan says, "See ya, Lexi." We cut to the...
MFHS Boiler Room. Elena enters only to be confronted by Kol. He proceeds to beat the stuffing out of her, but before he does any permanent damage, he disappears. Elena rises only to be confronted by Katherine. "Happy graduation, cupcake." As Kiki throws Elena into a wall, we cut to commercial.
Hellmouth. Jeremy watches Bonnie. She finally says, "It's almost closed." Jeremy asks, "So this is it? Because there are a million things I wanted to say to you, but now nothing seems quite right." How about Sorry for cheating on you with my ghost girlfriend, Anna? Bonnie ignores me, tells the Germ not to say anything and then macks on him. The nearby torches extinguish. The would-be lovers' lips part. Jeremy looks at Bonnie and stumbles back a few steps. She watches, waiting, as he gasps for air and finally asks, "What's happening?" Bonnie says, "Oh my God. [...] It worked, Jer. I did a spell that brought you back. I didn't think it would work, but I closed the veil and you're still here." Jeremy catches his breath, even as he says, "Wait. I'm alive?" With tears in her eyes, Bonnie nods. Jeremy goes to her, calling her name. When she grabs his face, Jeremy's smile fades. "I can't feel your hand. What's going on, Bonnie? Why can't I feel you?" Bonnie tells him it's okay, like you do. Jeremy wants to know what she did. Bonnie says, "I have the witches. And my Grams. You can see ghosts. We can talk whenever we want." It finally dawns on Jeremy. He insists Bonnie can't be dead.
Bonnie ignores Jeremy's protests and says, "Do me this one favor. Tell Elena and Caroline that I'm spending the summer with my mom." Don't do it, Germ. He agrees with me and tells Bonnie he can't. "They need to know." Bonnie says that this is the first time in forever that her friends have been okay. She can't take that from them. Bonnie walks away from Jeremy and toward her Grams, then turns back to promise the boy she'll be okay. We cut to...
Lockwood Mansion. Matt opens the door to find Rebekah smiling expectantly. He'd invite her in, but he promised Tyler he'd keep the mansion a "low vampire zone." Rebekah says she knows they made today's plans under duress. She understands if he wants to back out. Matt says, "You and I? This isn't going to work. I need to keep my love life a low vampire zone, too. Okay?" Rebekah says she gets it and turns to leave, but Matt keeps talking. "...So whatever happens on the road stays on the road. All right?" Rebekah turns back to him, expectations leaping from her eyes and practically sacking our QB, yet still, he continues. "That little wedding town in Italy? Don't get any ideas about turning me into a vampire so we can live eternally ever after. You know what I mean? [...] I've never set one foot outside this town. I have no college plans -- no idea what the future holds for me, but I do know that it's time I start truly living. And since you almost killed me this year, I figured it's your obligation to show me how." Aw. Meet me in a...
Sidebar. My daughter hated that scene and thought Matt was being "mean." I've seen comments on the boards along that line, but I'm trying to keep this in perspective. My daughter is an innocent teenager. Rebekah is a thousand year old, not at all innocent teenager. Matty is the innocent, here. While he can't and doesn't want to promise her forever, he does appreciate both what Rebekah has done for him, and how she's trying to change and grow. I think it was really sweet. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. We cut to the...
School Boiler Room. Katherine beats the stuffing out of Elena, bitches about Bonnie failing to deliver immortality and includes some digs about how Elena got things like prom and graduation while she (Kiki) never did. But none of that is important. What is important is how it ends. During a flashback to the scene in which Elena implores Stefan to take the cure, and a heretofore unseen extension in which Stefan refuses it, we realize Elena still has the cure on her. I apologize for not being your action recapper. Back in the present, Elena promptly shoves the cure down Katherine's throat. Katherine gags and passes out. Elena, who had just been staked in the throat with a broken mop handle, and who had just endured her tormentor's hand in her chest, reaching for her heart -- Elena "Fierce" Gilbert -- turns to an unconscious Kiki and says, "Have a nice human life, Katherine." Booyah! We cut to the...
Quarry. Stefan takes a big bag out of the back of his SUV. When he opens it, he finds broken pieces of pottery, instead of the Original Mythology Mess that is Silas. Silas appears in Elena's form and says, "Don't bother. I'm not there." Stefan says, "Silas. You were stone. They saw you. The spell worked." Silas-as-Elena says, "That's the funny thing about spells. They're bound by nature. Nature demands balance, so every spell has a loophole. The spell that turned me to stone was bound by a witch -- a living witch, so when that witch died, the spell broke." Stefan says, "Bonnie? Bonnie's not dead." The entire fandom yells, "SO THEN WHY DIDN'T THE VEIL DROPPING SPELL BREAK WHEN BONNIE DIED?" Nobody answers us.
Silas-as-Elena says, "It doesn't matter, does it? And here's where the mystery of me comes full circle. I created the immortality spell 2,000 years ago. I could never die, so nature needed to find a balance -- a version of me that could die -- a shadow self -- a doppelgänger." Stefan says, "So, this is finally your real face? You're another one of them?" Silas-as-Elena turns red and says, "Not exactly." We cut to Stefan's reflection in the car window and back to where Silas-as-Elena stands, but now he's Silas-as-Stefan. Yes. Stylus is a thing!
Stylus's eyes glow amber. He looks at Stefan and says, "Hello, my shadow self." Before Stefan can react, Stylus thrusts his hand into Stefan's torso and asks, "Do you have any idea what it's like to starve for 2,000 years?" There's a yanking sound and Stefan collapses, but I don't see Stylus holding a heart or anything, so hell if I know what just happened. Stylus looks down at the water below. We cut to a shot of him locking Stefan in the giant safe that recently served as Elena's torture chamber. Stylus takes the safe and shoves it (and Stefan) into the quarry. The safe sinks to the bottom. Stefan, now conscious, bangs on the door. The entire fandom sighs, "Oh Stefan, how very Angel of you." The safe fills with water. Stefan screams, until his head is fully submerged. We're off 'til the fall. Grrr argh.
Dearests, this has been a hard year. I'm not even talking about the show. You know I'm a Bostonian, right? When the Boston Marathon bombing happened, I made a choice not to go on at real length about it to you because I'd already gone on about Superstorm Sandy and the Sandy Hook school shootings. Now we've had this impossibly monstrous tornado strike in Moore, Oklahoma. My point (and I do have one) is that prior to this year, I can't remember having to take (or not fully take, in the case of Boston) these moments in my recaps. They're so momentous, I feel like an ass when I mention them in something so trivial as a TV recap, and I feel even worse when I let them pass by. To any and all of you who have been affected by the Oklahoma tornado, please know you're in my heart and in my prayers. I want you to have a safe, calm, and dare I say -- boring -- summer, and then meet me right back here, as soon as you can.
I hope to see you all back in the fall, for the start of Season 5. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page, and then come on over to the forum, where we're casting spells like crazy to get Alaric back.