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Caveat lector: This is part recaplet and part reaction, because all I can really think is Katherine and Elijah. Katherine and Elijah. Katherine and Elijah. Are you with me? Okay!
In Mystic Falls, Klaus spends the hour with his shirt off, moaning and whinging about the Perma Son of White Oak stake tip that isn't even stuck in his back anyhow. That's right. Silas messed with Klaus's mind last week, which I love (and the camera messed with ours, which I don't). He simply compelled Klaus into thinking he was in mortal (immortal?) danger. Silas is Klaus's first visitor, but he's wearing his prettiest Caroline costume to mess with the mind of the former menace of Mystic Falls because even Silas, our new supposedly scarier villain, wants the frigging Bore.
Eventually, real Caroline comes over, and because this is Season Gore, she digs around in Klaus's back but can't find the stake tip. I must be growing immune to the gore because now I want steak tips. Eventually, Caroline gets a clue and realizes that since she has some leverage over Klaus, she should make him promise that Tyler can both return home and live.
Contrary to the Kübler-Ross model, bargaining begets anger. Klaus is still furious that Tyler tried to kill him. Caroline lays some hard truths on Klaus, including a beginner's guide to trust. She also reminds him they've all tried to kill each other. It's time to get the hell over it. For some reason, my mind turns to the Seinfeld finale. Remember during that trial, the audience was basically told that these people with whom we'd laughed and cried laughed for nine seasons were unlikable, irredeemable ass chapeaux? I don't think Plec and company necessarily want me to transfer that lesson to their characters, but now that I've thought it, I can't unthink it, and thus, I share it with you. The lesson will come in handy by the end of this recaplet.
At any rate, once Klaus gets angry enough, he realizes the steak stake tip isn't even in him. Silas just compelled him to think so. Caroline is more than a little wigged that Silas is powerful enough to manipulate even Satan Klaus. Personally, I think this is Bonnie's get out of jail free card, for being foolhardy enough to indulge Professor Shane and weak enough to let Shane and Silas control her mind, and I feel a little manipulated myself because it's working on me.
As Caroline leaves Klaus Haus, she tells him not to bother her again because she has important things to do -- like plan a prom. Klaus turns on his impish smile and asks if they're now friends. Caroline again pleads for Tyler's safe return. Klaus doesn't exactly capitulate, but he does point out that he's hardly been scouring the earth for Pudding Pup.
Meanwhile, Elena and Rebekah arrive in Whatever, Pennsylvania. At one point, someone (probably Damon, I disremember) refers to the town as the state's Creamed Corn Capital, which would totally give me Smallville flashbacks, had I ever watched Smallville, but it was only on ten seasons; I never got the chance. And no, since I never watched Smallville, I have no idea how Smallville trivia has infiltrated my brain. I mean, I somehow even know Smallville is set in Kansas, not Pennsylvania. Let's just blame fandom and move on.
Katherine has compelled everyone in the entire town to forget her, except for when she's directly addressing them. For once, being the Petrova Doppelgänger works in Elena's favor. She and Rebekah happen upon a woman, who will later prove to be quite useful. If we were given her name, I can't remember it, so let's call her Marie Curie, and get some information about Kiki.
Eventually, Katherine meets up with the new BFFs. When she tries to get rough with Elena, Rebekah shuts that right down. They retreat to a coffee shop, where they demand Katherine hand over the Bore. When Katherine refuses, Rebekah pins her to the table by sticking a fork through her hand. Snooping through Katherine's cell phone, she finds that Katherine has a meeting scheduled with an EM. Thanks to Rebekah's powers of persuasion (i.e. violence), Katherine gives up the meeting location, and her jacket, shoes, etc. so that Elena can fool this EM.
I'm not even going to pretend EM isn't Elijah Mikaelsson because he totally is. He seems taken in by Elena-as-Katherine, at first, but by the time he kisses her, and possibly before that, when she lays her hand on his chest, he realizes with whom he is dealing. I only wish the smooch had been a little hotter. Damn, Elena, if Elijah kisses don't fire up your humanity, what will? I actually have a theory about restoring her humanity, but I'll save that for the recap. Anyhow, before Elena realizes Elijah is onto her, there's some dissembling about the Bore, but who wants to talk about that, when Elijah is on our screens?
Thanks to some off-screen assistance from Sheriff Forbes, Stefan and Damon find Damon's car where the girls abandoned it when it ran out of gas (really?), and also find the car they subsequently stole to get to Whatever, Pennsylvania. They find Katherine and Rebekah at the coffee shop, and in a delightfully funny scene, the boys and Rebekah are completely grossed out when they learn Katherine is sleeping with Elijah. Stefan calls Elijah, who is quite worried the Beckster will kill his lovah once she's of no further use. Oh, Elijah. I don't want Kiki dead, either, but please stop being in love with her.
Elena agrees with me, and tries to help Elijah see he's being used, which of course prompts him to talk about Elena's trademark compassion (ptui, I shall speak of it no more) and how it seems to have gone missing. They reminisce about that lovely letter Elijah wrote to Elena, then Elena says coldly that she let it burn up when she burned down her house to cover up the death of her baby brother.Elijah had no idea either that Jeremy was dead, or that Katherine is the one who effectively killed him. He's quite stricken, both on Elena's behalf, and by the fact that his lover remains so unlovable. Elena tells him he's just like the Salvatores. They're all in love with girls who no longer exist.
Katherine thrills the audience by giving Elena a broken neck nap, burning Damon's pretty face in a fish tank full of vervain water and passing off a fake cure to Rebekah. She has the real cure stashed at Marie Curie's house. When she retrieves it, she surprises the hell out of everyone by handing it (or perhaps a reasonable facsimile) over to Elijah. She says she wants him to trust her, the way she trusts him. Don't do it, Elijah. Don't!
When Rebekah meets up with Elijah, she says she thought he was the smart brother, so he quickly sets her straight that she doesn't have one of those; he's as stupid as the rest. Klaus calls Rebekah to check on her Bore progress. She explains she ran into some complications, and says she's handing off the phone to one of them. Klaus is happy to talk to big brother, who assures Klaus he'll bring the cure to Mystic Falls, provided some conditions are met.
By episode's end, Elena meets up with the Salvatores in the same coffee shop. She explains to them that she has no desire to be cured. She insists they accept her for who she is and respect her decision. If they don't, there will be consequences. The boys, who earlier had already come to an agreement that Humanity-Free Elena is a stone cold bitch, ignore her warning. Stefan reminds her that even at his lowest, she never gave up on him. He's bound and determined to return the favor. The problem is, Elena is bound and determined to make good on her guarantee of consequences, so she snaps the waitress's neck and tells the boys if they don't stop trying to control her, there will be more blood on their hands.
I'm so thrilled by seeing Katherine and Elijah that I can't think straight, but I do want to make one point. Remember how I earlier mentioned the Seinfeld finale? Right now, everyone is unlikable and irredeemable. But if you look hard at what they all have done, Elena (arguably the least likable, currently) has only killed one person (Connor was self-defense and I won't count it against her). Caroline just slaughtered 12 witches, and Bonnie is partly to blame for that. The Originals have a bloody thousand year history. Stefan and Damon are no saints. All the current supernatural players have higher kill counts than Elena. And frankly, Elena wouldn't be killing people, had Damon not invoked the sire bond and ordered her to turn off her humanity, and if everyone wasn't trying to run her unlife. The show is having its cake and eating it too, and with some finesse. While any random audience member might decide that Elena's murder of the waitress is unforgivable, Elena doesn't hang out with the audience. Her friends, foes and those in between, all know they've done worse, so they have plenty of reasons to forgive her, once she's regained her humanity (either by turning it on, or thanks to the cure -- I'm betting on the former).
"American Gothic" is exactly the oasis this parched fan needed. It is funny, surprising, suspenseful, and emotionally and otherwise satisfying. From a recapper's perspective, the prospect of a mini-hiatus doesn't hurt, either. I'll be back with the full recap ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're throwing a welcome back party for Kiki and EM.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously on The Vampire Diaries, Elena cried. Many people died.
Currently, on The Vampire Diaries, Elena and Rebekah have been to three towns in 24 hours, and yet there's no sign of Katherine. They're no longer in Damon's baby blue convertible. What's up with that? I suspect it's a product placement for this new car, but I don't recognize the brand so I think that means I win. Tired, hungry and aggravated by both pop radio and the sound of Rebekah's voice, Elena pulls into Willoughby, Pennsylvania. Since Willoughby isn't on Damon's list of Katherine's possible nests, Rebekah rags on Elena and, by proxy, Damon.
The temporary BFFs bicker, but Elena doesn't let that keep her from her meal. She approaches a young woman, whose name we never learn, so I'll just call her Marie Curie. Elena grabs the woman, and lunges for her neck. It's bad enough when your food talks back to you after you've eaten, but Elena's dinner is mouthing off even before the first drop. "Katherine, what are you doing?" Elena is surprised. "You know me?" Marie Curie says, "Of course. I know most people around here prefer you to feed from the neck, but I asked you to drink from my wrist. Remember?" When Marie Curie holds out her arm, telltale fang marks prove she's a regular entree. To Elena, Rebekah says, "Conniving little bitch compelled the whole town." Elena is pleased. "I think we just found Katherine." Title card. When Becky asks questions about Katherine, Marie Curie has no idea who or what she's talking about. When Elena asks, Marie can usually answer. Rebekah breaks it down for us: "She compelled people to forget all about her, unless she was talking to them herself. Clever girl." When Elena asks how long they've known each other, and where she lives and works, Marie Curie says she doesn't know. She does know "Katherine" said they could all be friends with her, provided they kept her secret. Elena's eyes narrow. "What secret?" Marie Curie stammers out an, "I--I don't know." We cut to the...
Highway. Damon and Stefan find Damon's car, abandoned and out of gas. Bicker. Oh, sidebar...
So, I have a bad back, as you all know. Well, this week, I also seem to have carpal tunnel issues. They started when I sitting in a weird (yet back soothing) position on the couch, with my laptop on my lap. My wrists were at a bad angle. My right wrist is a team player. My left wrist is the Princess who slept upon the pea. Meanwhile, my husband is having back spasms so bad, he can barely walk. We have three kids and a dog. It's school conference time (for the kids, not the dog), and so it goes. I mention all of this so that when you read a sentence from me that simply says, "Bicker," it's because I wrote the word bicker in my notes, but the bickering parties are among the usual suspects. You don't need me to tell you what they're bickering about. In fact, you're probably hoping to forget their bickering. So? There.
Anyhow, Stefan exposits that an offscreen Liz Forbes traced Damon's car to the place where Rebekah and Elena abandoned it. She's also traced the whereabouts of the car they stole when they were too lazy to fill Damon's car up with gas. They're in Willoughby, PA, which Stefan says is the Creamed Corn Capital of Pennsylvania. I already did the Smallville linky thing in the recaplet, so pardon my pixels. Anyhow, Damon hopes that Rebekah takes cure so they can kill her. Stefan encourages big brother to focus. Right now they just need to find Katherine. Or the girls. Or the cure. Or something. I think I blacked out. I do remember that when Damon says Elena sans humanity is a stone cold bitch, it's obvious he and Stefan are in total agreement.
Klaus Haus. Remember last week when Silas (as Shane) stuck the Perma Son of White Oak stake in Klaus's back, and broke off the tip? Yeah, that was awesome. Anyhow, Klaus is at home, trying to dig out the stake tip, but he can't reach it. This is a double dose of gore, because this is Season Gore, with a chaser of Klaus chewing the scenery beyond recognition. I will not reward such behavior with undue attention.
Caroline enters and asks what happened. Klaus tells her Silas stabbed him with the Perma Son of White Oak and some is still inside. He feels like he's dying. Get down on your knees and pray that's true, please? Caroline caresses his face and says, "As much as I would love to watch you die, you still haven't found me that cure." Klaus falls to the floor screaming, "SILAS!" Silas-As-Caroline says, "Last night I looked like Shane. Today I look like Caroline. Tomorrow? Who knows?" Well, you seem to be on an upward trajectory, so how about one of the Salvatores... or Elena. Okay, let me lay out my cards, Silas. Just don't look like my Matt, all right? Play by Buffyverse rules for the First Evil, Silas. You can appear as the dead or the undead but hands off the living. Klaus is more demanding than I. "Show me your real face." Silaline says, "Why would I do that when I can look like whomever I want you to see?" He closes in on Klaus. "Resist me all you want, Klaus, but until you bring me the cure, I will bring you nothing but misery." Oh honey, you've been doing that all season. We cut to...
Willoughby. Post Office. Rebekah and Elena stop a letter carrier, who asks Elena what she did to her hair, "...in the last two minutes." When Elena says, "I was here, two minutes ago," the letter carrier asks, "Are you feeling okay, Ms. Pierce?" Elena lies she's fine. Once the letter carrier walks off, Elena tells Rebekah if Katherine was just there a couple of minutes ago, she can't be too far. They split up to find Kiki. Instead, Kiki finds Elena, throttles her, and tells her she's chosen a beautiful place to die. Rebekah swoops in to the rescue and taunts Katherine with her own threat. "I couldn't agree more. You've chosen a beautiful place to die." Commercial.
Willoughby. Diner. Elena and Katherine ask where the cure is. Big hair Kiki turns to Elena and says, "What? No I'm here to avenge my annoying little brother speech?" Elena is stone cold. "People die. We move on." Katherine knows the score, so she announces it: "After turning off our humanity switch. So sad for the boys, though. Their special snowflake of human frailty -- gone." When Elena remains silent, Katherine adds, "Well, if we're going to be a while, I'm going to grab us some menus." Rebekah sticks fork through Kiki's hand and into the table, like she's the latest entry in Becky's butterfly collection. "You're not going anywhere." Rebekah and Kiki bicker. When the waitress comes to their table, she freaks at sight of Katherine's hand. After a kick from Elena, Katherine compels the waitress to forget what she's seen. Rebekah wants the cure and tries to compel Kiki to tell her where it is, but Kiki is smart enough be on vervain, unlike the rest of these chuckleheads. Becky wonders if Kiki is going to use the cure to kill Klaus. Katherine says she has no intention of being within "sniffing distance" of Klaus, but thinks the cure makes a great bargaining chip in exchange for her freedom. Elena smirks at that. "Oh, you poor victim. Where's the part of your plan where you screw us over and somebody dies?" Kiki says she has no plans to screw them over. I'm sure she's ready to improv, though. Rebekah snags Katherine's cellphone and tosses it to Elena. On the calendar app, Katherine has scheduled an appointment at 2:00 to meet "em." As background, I'll mention that somewhere in there, Rebekah reminisces how Katherine inserted herself as if a wedge, between Klaus and Elijah. Also in there, Katherine makes some claim that she's not bad; she's just drawn that way.
Klaus Haus. Real Caroline arrives in response to the 50 bajillion messages she's received from Klaus. She warns him that this had better be life and death. Klaus thinks she's Silas, now and yells for her to stop hounding him. Caroline is not deterred. She's just peeved. After all, she's serving on three prom committees. She's only there because of Klaus's phone stalking. Finally, Klaus believes its Care Bear, but still asks for proof. Caroline says, "Okay, I don't know if this is some new way of flirting, but it sucks, and I have more important things to do." Yeah, like delegate the assignments from at least two of those committees, girl. Klaus tells her about Silas stabbing him and leaving a piece of the stake, inside. She brings up how he ran Tyler out of town and killed Carol Lockwood, so she's a little surprised he'd call her for help. Klaus reminds Care that if he dies, she and all her friends die with him. He wants her to cut the stake out of him, and nods toward the bloody clippers lying on floor. We cut to..
Willoughby. Damon and Stefan find car Elena and Rebekah's most recently stolen car. Damon can't believe Katherine is in Hicksville, though. Stefan wants to plot the logistics of getting Elena back home. Damon's more of a spur of the moment guy, who thinks they should do whatever they have to do, when an opportunity presents itself, because Elena's too close to going off the rails to...um...work smart. Tired of playing the wronged cuckold, Stefan decides to rub it in. "What happened to the guy who thought Elena should embrace being a vampire and let the chips fall where they may?" Damon: "That guy got his neck snapped in New York, and this guy is royally pissed off." He looks it, too. We cut to the...
Diner. Elena returns with a face full of Katherine's makeup and asks for opinions. Rebekah: "It's close, but not quite slutty enough. You need more eyeliner." Elena decides she needs Katherine's clothes, too. Bracelet, watch, earrings. Rebekah strong arms Kiki into compliance. When Elena wants her daylight bracelet, Katherine refuses. Elena indulges her, but demands her jacket, instead. Katherine snarls that Elena will never pass for her, so Elena imitates her. Rebekah gives notes on her performance. "Throatier. More mannish." Elena rasps, "You'll never pass for me." Rebekah laughs with delight. When Katherine tells them they're pathetic, Elena apes her again. Rebekah pronounces her work, "Perfect. Just the right level of contempt and hidden insecurity." Elena decides she wants Katherine's shoes, too. That is, of course, the final insult.
Elena waits in a gazebo for the mysterious, "em." We cut back to the...
Diner, Rebekah taunts Katherine. While Elijah betrayed Klaus for her, and the Salvatores were head over heels for her, now she's living in a town she had to compel into liking her. Katherine non sequiturs that Becky she can't split the cure with Elena. Rebekah explains that Elena doesn't want it. Katherine says the only thing the cure will take away is Rebekah's immortality. She'll still be stuck with everything she doesn't like about herself. "And you won't even be able to compel yourself a friend." Rebekah grabs Katherine's hand and is crushing it, when the boys enter. Stefan tells them to play nice. Damon teases Katherine for getting caught. "You're losing your touch, evil one." Stefan asks where Elena is. We cut to the...
Gazebo. The most wonderful voice in the world calls out, "Katerina." Elena is startled, but recovers pretty quickly. Thinking she's Katherine, Elijah strokes her hair and compliments her new color (pink streaks). As Elena is thanking him, Elijah kisses her. Sadly it's more awkward than hot. Commercial.
Poor Rebekah, she hates to cooperate, and I don't blame her, but Stefan does have a point. Exasperated, she sighs and says, "Fine. They were supposed to meet at the gazebo by the park." When Stefan says he'll go talk to Elijah, Rebekah says Katherine will take her and Damon to the cure. Katherine says, "No, she won't. The cure is my one chance to win my freedom back from Klaus." Damon scoffs at the idea of Katherine brokering a deal with Klaus. It's Stefan's turn to wear the thinking cap, so he sets big brother straight. "No, she's gonna get Elijah to broker the deal for her. That's why you need your little friend, isn't it? Some things never change, Katherine." Damon adds an amused, "Nope." Resigned, Katherine tells Rebekah to move. "You have to follow me." We cut to...
Klaus Haus. Caroline is digging and digging and digging in his back, when she says, "Oh my God. You do have a heart." I think. The sound effects are so grotesque, it's hard to hear the dialogue over my protracted gags. When she digs the clippers in a little, Klaus cries out. Caroline says, "Oh, my bad. It's just a bloody rib." They bicker a little. Caroline swears there's nothing in him. Klaus thinks she's being to dainty about getting her hands dirty, and brings up the witch slaughter, because he has all the people skills of dirty bomb.
The whole thing is so gross that I really have to gloss over it. At some point, Klaus has a temper tantrum. Caroline apologizes at first, but then thinks better of it. With great force, she rips the clippers from his back and says, "You know what, I'm not sorry. You deserve to suffer for everything that you've done, so today, we're gonna do things my way. You want my help? You let Tyler come back to town and give me your word that you will not hurt him." We cut to...
Willoughby. Gazebo. Using Katherine's phone, Stefan calls Elijah, who is watching from a covered alleyway across the street. When Elijah asks where Katherine is, Stefan asks where Elena is. Elijah says she is, "...safe. How long she remains so depends upon you." Stefan says, "Well, I guess the same goes for Katherine." Elijah says Katherine can handle herself where the two (Salvatores) are concerned. Stefan corrects him. "Oh, you mean the three of us, 'cause little sister decided to join Team Good Guys for the time being." My poor, handsome Elijah is alarmed, because he hasn't been around enough lately to realize there is no longer such a thing as Team Good Guys. Everyone totally sucks. Except Elijah.
Elijah licks his lips. The fandom passes out. When we recover, we hear Elijah tell Stefan to, "Put her on the phone." Stefan says Rebekah is with Damon and Katherine. Elijah demands to know where they are. Stefan tells him, "Relax. No one's going to get hurt, as long as Katherine hands over the cure." Elijah says Rebekah despises Kiki. She'll kill her the moment she's no longer useful. Stefan wants to meet and talk "this" through. Elijah ignores him. "You listen to me very carefully, Stefan. If anything whatsoever happens to Katherine, I will descend upon Elena." He hangs up the phone.
Elena tells Elijah, "You're both idiots." Elijah: "Excuse me?" Elena: "Ugh. What happened to you, Elijah? I thought you were supposed to be a man of honor, and yet you've been hooking up with Katherine this entire time?" Elijah supposes he has always shared a connection with Kiki. I think it's the awesomeness connection. Elijah doesn't comment on that, because he's too modest. Instead, he tells Elena, "She contacted me when she learned about the cure. We thought we could be of mutual use to one another."
Elena laughs that Elijah fell for the Katherine-trap like the rest of the idiots. Somewhere, Stefan and Damon feel the shout-out, but don't know its origin. Elijah turns to face Elena. "You underestimate me, Elena. I know who she is. I know what she's done." Elena insists Katherine is playing him and lying to him. Elijah notes she didn't lie about Elena's transformation. "You're not just a vampire though, are you? There's something else. You're not yourself. You've abandoned your emotions. Why?" Elena's voice is flat as she answers, "My brother is dead. Your girlfriend killed him." Elena is surprised at Elijah's shock. I wonder if he knows she and Jeremy killed Kol. I hope not, because otherwise, it should have come up, right? As Elijah tries to come to terms with Katherine's deceit, Elena rubs her "I told you so," in his face, and tops it off with a, "Duh," which is probably not all that effective on a 1,000 year old immortal. We cut to...
Katherine's House. After Damon warns Katherine against tricks or any other, "Katherine-ing," he mocks that she has a quilt and a fish tank. Rebekah sums up Katherine as, "A very old lady, with dreadful taste." Katherine opens her safe and tells the duo the cure is gone. She puts on a pretty good show, but Rebekah and Damon aren't falling for it. Katherine tries to make like they don't know what a treacherous wench she is. She's so misunderstood! Damon essentially calls her shallow. Rebekah swoops towards Katherine but Damon holds her off and reminds her they still need the cure. He tells Rebekah to check upstairs while he checks the first floor.
Alone with Katherine, Damon says, "So, if I was a paranoid, distrustful sociopath..." Wait. If, Damon? C'mon. He won't answer because he's pissy I interrupted him. Instead, he continues, "Where would I keep my most prized possession?" The entire fandom yells, "In the soap dish!" He ignores us, again and blahs some more. He pauses in front of Katherine's fish tank and compliments the "fancy little treasure chest" inside of, "...a tank with no fish!"
Damon dips his fingers into the water. Immediately, they sizzle. He yells, and pulls them out. The fish tank water is spiked with vervain. He grabs the nearby fishnet and is ready to scoop out the treasure chest, when Katherine rushes him and forces his head under the water. After she holds him under for a few, she tosses him across the room, and scoops out the chest for herself.
Rebekah flies down the stairs and puts herself between Katherine and the door, and orders Katherine to give her the chest, or die. Katherine takes a vial out of the chest and holds it in front of Rebekah. "You're going to kill me, anyway so what's more important to you -- killing me, or getting the cure?" She tosses the in the air. When Rebekah grabs it, Katherine zoops out the door. Damon, still suffering from his vervain facial, grunts as he tries to threaten Rebekah that she shouldn't even think about taking the cure. Commercial.
After the break, Damon tries to get Rebekah to talk it over, but Rebekah tells him that her taking the cure is the best thing that could happen to him. He wouldn't want a human Elena running right back to Stefan. "Go on, Damon. Tell me why you want Elena to have the cure." With smoke still pouring off Damon's face, he can't answer. "Rebekah says, "That's what I thought." Uncorking the vial, she smiles as she raises it to her lips. Stefan arrives at the still open door and yells, "No!" but it seems he's too late. Rebekah downs it, gasps, doubles over, and falls unconscious on the couch. We cut to...
Klaus Haus. Klaus is trying to dig the stake out of himself, as Caroline ignores him. He cries that he can feel the splinters moving toward his heart, but when he begs her for help, she reminds him she wants his word, first (about Tyler). Klaus wonders why she thinks he won't break his word. Caroline tells him that if he wants to be friends, he first has to show her she can trust him. I am not sure how giving his word about Tyler does that, because as he just pointed out, he could go back on his word, but whatever. Instead, Klaus reminds Caroline that he's twice saved her life. She points out that her life was in danger -- both times -- because of him. When she wonders why he can't do the decent thing for once, Klaus cries, "Because Tyler Lockwood tried to kill me." Caroline says, "We've all tried to kill you, and you've tried to kill most of us." Yeah, and he succeeded in killing Jenna. He would have killed Elena, had Uncle Daddy not swapped his life, for hers (so he essentially killed Uncle Daddy). He turned Stefan back into a Ripper. His mother is responsible for Alaric's death. Then there are all those poor hybrids. But I digress.
Caroline says, "How do you think you deserve my friendship when you've done nothing to earn it?" Klaus gets so mad he forgets to suffer. Instead, he rises to his feet and marches up into Caroline's grill. "I will not have my hand forced by you or anyone else." Caroline yells right back at him. "What is wrong with you? I am reaching out to you despite everything you have done, and you still can't get out of your own way. God! I feel sorry for you." Caroline turns as if to leave. Klaus screams at her not to turn her back on him. She yells that she should have done so ages ago.
The mood changes. Klaus's face relaxes. Softly, he says, "It's gone. [...] The pain." Reaching for his back, he says, "The pain is gone. Oh, I see. It was never there. He got in my head. Silas got inside my head." He grabs Caroline's hand and says, "You took my mind off it. You brought me back, Caroline." Caroline clutches at her head. If Silas can make Klaus believe he's dying, "...what can he do to the rest of us?" We cut to...
Willoughby. Katherine's House. Stefan and Damon bicker about if Damon tried to stop Katherine. Stefan says, "You were never on my side. Now Elena will be a vampire for the rest of her life just like you wanted." Damon is too angry to answer. Thankfully, Rebekah cuts that awkward moment short by waking. We cut to the...
Alley. Elijah tells Elena he knows what it's like to lose a brother, and apologizes to her for her pain. There's been all sorts of reaction to this, because of Elena's complicity in Kol's death, and the fact that the Fellowship of the Falls orchestrated Finn's death. The thing is Elijah is on my screen. I can't be angry. I just...I mean, I gave this episode an A+. Clearly, I've been compelled. And I'm fine with that. Just sit back and enjoy the pretty!
Elijah hopes Elena can find her way back to herself, someday. Elena turns this to his "connection" with Katherine and tells him the sweet girl he fell for, forever ago, does not live within Katherine. "She's a monster, now, Elijah." The girl he loved is dead and isn't coming back. Elijah reminds Elena he's no fool, "...but what kind of man would I be if I didn't try to find my Katerina behind this Katherine facade?" Elena says, "You boys are all the same. Damon and Stefan still think the girl they love is still in here somewhere, too." Elijah says she shouldn't blame the boys for hoping. Then he invokes her compassion. I can't go there. Not again. Elena can. She quotes the lovely letter he wrote her, however long ago that was. "Your compassion is a gift, Elena. Carry it with you always and forever." They discuss it a bit more, but the compassion-taint is trying to get all over my beautiful Elijah, so I'm blocking it out. Elena blahs that the letter burnt up along with Jeremy's corpse and her old life. Before Elena can hurt Elijah's feelings anymore, Katherine comes up behind her and gives her a broken neck nap. YAY KIKI! Commercial.
Katherine's House. Stefan stares at Rebekah and asks her how she feels. She says she feels great. She feels alive. Damon says, "There's a slight problem with being alive. I can kill you, now." To prove his point, he throws a letter opener at her. Rebekah catches it with no problem. Gasping, she unclenches her fist. The wound begins to knit and heal, instantly. Rebekah is devastated. "I'm still a vampire. The cure didn't work." Stefan says, "It worked just like she wanted it to. The cure was a fake. It must have been a concentrated shot of vervain, or something." Damon whispers, "Katherine..." We cut to...
Elijah's Alley. Katherine tries to get Elijah to leave Elena where she is, but Elijah wants to talk. "You killed Jeremy Gilbert." Katherine sighs and says it's true. "A bombshell I bet she couldn't wait to drop on you. Ironic, since she supposedly doesn't care about anything." Elijah says he cares. "Do you honestly feel nothing for this girl -- a girl fated to live the same life that you've endured? And now, you've just taken away the last of her family, just as yours was taken away from you."
Katherine says, "Why are you looking at me like I've enjoyed it?" All episode long, she's been telling people she's changed, or that she's not who they think she is. I haven't mentioned it each time, because mostly, I think Katherine is an unrepentant liar, but she's hit the note so many times, I guess I can't let it pass without mention this time, so there you go. She continues, saying, "Jeremy Gilbert was collateral damage. I was doing what I needed to do to survive." Elijah asks, "Is that what I am, to you? A means of survival?"
Katherine tells Elijah not to let Elena turn him against her. When Elijah insists upon a straight answer, Katherine says, "No. Of course you're not a means of survival. You looked out for me when I had no one. You're giving me a second chance now, when no one else will. I love you." She reaches out and touches his cheek, but he remains stoic. Katherine: "Elijah! You don't believe me?" Elijah: "I want to. It's my disease. I just keep wanting to believe you, but how can I, when at every turn you give me reason to doubt you. I don't know you. I don't know that I ever will." With that, he walks off. Katherine follows and grabs his arm. "Wait. You gave me your word you would talk with Klaus. I can't make a deal without you." Elijah appraises her for a second, then says goodbye.
Willoughby. Night. Katherine approaches a house and knocks on the door. Marie Curie answers. Katherine tells her, "I came to retrieve my package." Marie Curie says, "Oh, of course. Like I said, your secret would be safe here." Marie Curie returns with a little jewelry box -- you know, the hinged kind you get from a jeweler. Katherine opens it, and looks at the odd looking vial, inside. What with all the secrecy, Marie Curie would like to know what she's been guarding. Katherine says, "It's my freedom." Commercial.
Katherine confronts Elijah downtown. When he tries to sidestep her, she asks him to wait. Elijah: "What do you want?" Katherine: "To tell you that you're right. I've spent so much time running and lying just to survive that I'm starting to believe my own lies. I don't even remember who I was when we first met, and I want to find out." When Elijah doesn't respond, Katherine takes a breath, opens her purse, and hands the cure (or a reasonable facsimile) to Elijah, who says, "You have the cure." Katherine says, "Yeah, and I can shove this down Klaus's throat and try to kill him, but even if I manage to do it, I'd lose you, and I don't want that to happen." Elijah wonders why he shouldn't see this as another lie Katherine Pierce tells to get the menfolk to do her bidding. That's exactly what it is, Elijah. Exactly. Katherine says she meant what she said to him and she'd like to think he has feelings for her, too. "I need you to trust me. I want you to trust me, just like I'm trusting you. You don't owe me anything. I'm going to let you decide where we go from here." She walks off, leaving the cure (or at last "the cure") with Elijah.
Elijah finds Rebekah waiting for him at his car. She greets him with: "You and Katherine. And I thought you were the smart brother." Elijah says, "You don't have a smart brother. It turns out I'm just as stupid as the rest of you." Oh great, now I love him even more. It's that self-deprecation. I'm a sucker for it. Rebekah tells him to give her the cure and she'll judge him silently, elsewhere. Elijah wonders what she wants with the cure, so Rebekah explains she wants to be human, again. Elijah asks how she knows that's the answer she seeks. "I mean it's nothing but a romantic notion. The grass won't necessarily be greener, Rebekah." She doesn't care. She wants to live a simple life, like a hobbit, but taller, and with prettier hair... and presumably feet. Elijah says, "I don't understand. Why must you always consider our family a burden?" Um honey, have you met you? He continues and says, "Always and forever. I mean, those words are as important to me today, as they ever were." Rebekah's eyes are wet. "You will always be my brother. And I will never stop loving you, but now it's time for me to live and die the way I chose, not the way you and Nik want me to. Please, please just give me the cure."
Rebekah's cell phone ring and interrupts them. Rebekah asks Klaus what he wants. He's looking for an update on the search for the cure. Rebekah says, "Let's just say that things have gotten...complicated. In fact, why don't you speak to one of those complications." She hands the phone to Elijah, who says, "Complication speaking." Klaus smiles. "Big brother. At last you've joined the fray." Elijah says, "Somebody had to take charge." Oh sweetie, you don't know the half of it. During the hiatus, you should read the recaps. These people have been out of control. Elijah continues: "And now that I have, I've got the cure and I'm bringing it back to Mystic Falls." Klaus says, "With a long list of demands, I assume." Elijah: "Not that long." Klaus tells him, "Come home, brother. We'll settle this like family."
Klaus heaves a sigh of relief as he hangs up. At last he'll have family to betray, again. Caroline enters the room, wiping her hands. "I used all your bleach." Klaus stops her and thanks her for helping him. They almost have a moment, but Caroline shakes it off, pokes him in the tummy and says, "If you need anything else, don't call me. I have a prom to plan." As she's heading out, Klaus calls after her. "Friends, then?" Caroline turns back to him. "Are you going to let Tyler come back into town?" Klaus sighs, so Caroline starts off again. Finally, he says, "You might have noticed I'm not exactly scouring the earth for him, am I?" Caroline gives him a hint of a smile and leaves. Klaus grins. We cut to...
Willoughby Diner. Exterior. Before they enter, Damon admits to Stefan that he let Rebekah take the (faux) cure. Given his condition at the time, I think "let" is probably a little bit more blame than is exactly true. She would have been able to fight him off and take it. His face was still smoking. Damon says, "I thought for a second -- literally just a second -- if Rebekah takes this, then all my problems go away. And I couldn't think of one good reason to give it to Elena. And then Rebekah took it, and I realized how badly I screwed up. [...] My point is, I'm sorry. I had a moment of weakness, Stefan. It's my thing. It's like you and I falling for the same girl. It's our thing."
Stefan corrects his brother. "It was our thing." He says they've been making the same mistakes for yonks, just like Katherine does. It has to stop and Stefan is done. "I owe Elena her shot at being normal again. Once we give her the cure, I'm getting her out of my life, and I'm getting a life of my own. Okay?" Damon suggests they get the cure and talk about Stefan's solo ride into the sunset, later. Stefan asks if Damon still wants to get the cure, even if it means he might lose Elena. Damon groans, but then says it's a chance he's willing to take. Stefan says all they have to do is convince Elena. Good luck with that, boys.
Elena's waiting at a booth when the Salvatores arrive. The place is otherwise empty, so the waitress tells them to sit anywhere they'd like. When they join Elena, she's giving them the silent treatment, so they remind her she texted them to meet her there. Finally, Elena says she doesn't want the cure. "You need to know that I never will, and I'm done talking about it, so will you accept that, and let me be who I am or not?" Damon looks at Stefan, then says, "Um yeah...no."
Stefan tells Elena this isn't her. He's right, but that would tick me off to no end. Elena tells Stefan it is her, now. "And you two really need to accept it, because if you don't, there will be consequences." Stefan says that when he was in the same situation, Elena refused to accept it. She didn't give up on him. She didn't stop 'til she pulled him back. The poor waitress picks that moment to top off Elena's coffee. Elena thanks her, then grabs her and breaks the woman's neck. As her body hits the floor, Damon cries out, "Oh!" Elena faces them. "Like I said, consequences. That's one body you're responsible for. If you keep trying to fix me, there will be a second, a twentieth, and a hundredth." With a fake smile she adds, "It's your choice." She steps over the dead waitress and out into the night. Damon turns to Stefan. "Are you still ready to ride off into the sunset?" Title card.
"American Gothic" is exactly the oasis, this parched fan needed. It is funny, surprising, suspenseful, and emotionally and otherwise satisfying. From a recapper's perspective, the prospect of a mini-hiatus doesn't hurt, either. I'll be back with coverage of April 18th's "Pictures Of You." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're throwing a welcome back party for Kiki and EM.