This Is Better Than Mourning, How?

S04E16

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Is it just me or does it seem like the show wrote down a list of random audience complaints and decided to craft an episode specifically to address them? Look: the kids go to school; there's no Event O' the Week; the Sheriff actually cares that kids are drinking and drugging; Klaus finally gets a little loving; Elena stops moping; we get an explanation of how a younger vampire might beat an older one; Matt is no longer living in that shack; and someone keeps some Klaus blood in stock. I haven't graded "Bring It On" yet. I mostly enjoyed it, but my back is aching and I can't tell if that has put me in this mood or if the show has. Maybe writing it all down will help. Since I have to anyway, it's worth a shot.

Let's talk about Klaus, first. He's looking for Katherine and the cure, so he finds Hayley the werewolf (Phoebe Tonkin) at a truck stop, because where else would you find her? No one wants to be found by Klaus, but when you're about to be attacked by an unknown vampire (who'll we'll later learn is Damon's friend, Will) and Klaus needs intel from you, it can work in your favor. Klaus bites Hayley's attacker. Since Klaus is part werewolf, Will's days are numbered. Of course, since Hayley is a werewolf, I don't know why she didn't just bite the guy, herself. She isn't a hybrid, so maybe that wouldn't work while she's in human form. I will no longer pretend I even try to have total recall of this tortured mythology.

Klaus brings Hayley back to his place for some wining, dining, snarky art critique… and sex. And yeah, it's just about as hot and organic as that last sentence. I'm sorry, but except for pining after Caroline (and probably Rebekah), Klaus has practically lived like a monk since he came to Mystic Falls and this is what he finally gets for a "love" scene? Bah. I think I'd rather see him with his sister. (Not really, Julie Plec. This isn't a Dare You situation.) I'm a fan of Joseph Morgan, who can generate heat with a paintbrush, so I'm inclined to blame my lack of response on Tonkin or to be fair, her character. I don't think it's her acting. It's just that this character is no one to us or Klaus. He's been the drippy romantic and suddenly he's banging a werewolf he barely knows and doesn't seem to like.

By the end, Hayley is maybe inclined to help Klaus find Katherine, and Klaus (who says Hayley's birthmark connects her to a Louisiana werewolf clan) is maybe inclined to help her find her biological family. I'm not inclined to care, except for the fact that this story is all a set up for the backdoor pilot for The Originals. I know I'm a drunk at Karaoke Night singing the same tired song, but that's not going to stop me (because I'm a drunk at Karaoke Night). Sing it with me, fandom: I like the Originals, but they've sucked the life out of The Vampire Diaries, so I'm doubly glad they're getting their own show. Voe Doe Dee Oh Doe. Okay, one of you sounds a little pitchy, but not bad. I've got a new number for you to practice: If Hayley is going to be Klaus's love interest in The Originals, she's going to need a personality or two. Boo boo bee doo. Please commit it to memory over the weekend.

Since the show is still hellbent on keeping Damon away from Elena, Damon and Klaus are "working together" to find Katherine. Damon heads to the truck stop, in hopes of finding the vampire who went after Hayley. Rebekah follows Damon and she's armed with a vial of Klaus's blood, so she can cure the vampire of the wolf bite. In a way, I'm heartened to see that finally, one of these chuckleheads has enough working synapses to keep a supply of Klaus's werewolf-venom antidote blood. I mean, I've been yelling at them all to save it since Katherine brought the blood to heal Damon. Mostly though, it just makes me wonder how Rebekah got the blood in the first place. Anyhow, they eventually find the ailing vampire. Damon is about to stake him, but then realizes he's his old friend, Will, so instead he rips out his heart and holds it up for us to confirm that Season Gore continues apace.

Damon lies to Rebekah that the guy was a goner, thanks to the venom. That might be more convincing to either Rebekah or the audience, had she not already revealed her vial of Klaus blood. Damon is still not crazy about curing Elena. Later, Damon gives Rebekah a pep talk about embracing her inner vampire. Rebekah looks like she'd never considered that before, which is pretty pathetic given that she's been around for a thousand years.

Back in Mystic Falls, Elena has turned off her feelings so we have to listen to a lot of Stefan and Caroline bitching about how she's now her worst self. At school, Elena feeds on a visiting cheerleader and steals the girl's hair bow. See how awful she is. Oh also, she throws a party at Mossy Manse and pushes Sheriff Forbes against a wall. Wow. She should be put down. Did I really say I enjoyed watching this? Now that I'm writing it up, I'm wondering what I part I liked. Oh, now I remember. The Sire Bond is dead, because Elena has turned off her feelings. That's the part I liked and still do.

Eventually, Elena gives Stefan and Caroline the slip. They track her to the woods and Stefan calls Damon for backup. Caroline is alone when she finds Elena. As an older vampire she might be stronger than Elena, but Elena is a better fighter thanks to training with Alaric. On one hand that makes me happy, because I miss Ric. On the other hand, it makes me sad, because Elena makes sure to spell it out for Caroline and for us. All I can think of is all the things that haven't made sense this season. If I had to choose something I'd like explained, I'm pretty sure Elena besting Caroline in a fight would be at the bottom of my list, since I could have fan-wanked that one, myself. Anyhow, just as Elena is about to stake Caroline, the Salvatores arrive and ruin the fun. Oh, I just remembered another thing I liked -- Damon's regret over breaking up the cat fight.

Back home at Mossy Manse, Caroline and Stefan are talking when Matt texts Caroline and tells her to come to the Lockwood Mansion. When she gets there, she can't enter until Matt invites her in, because Tyler has deeded the house to Matty. Yay. Although, given how pathetic Matt's life has been, this momentary turn of luck makes me fear for his life. Anyhow, Tyler has sent a note to Caroline about how they are never, ever getting back together. It's sweeter than that, though. Pretty much Tyler loves Caroline, but he doesn't have a death wish, so it's over baby. I cringe for Matt when he takes Caroline in his arms and comforts her. Then I think of the Cars' song "My Best Friend's Girl," and start bobbing my head to the imagined beat. She used to be mine....

Upstairs at Mossy Manse, Damon is poring over old pictures when he comes across a photo of him and Will, but he doesn't explain it to Elena. Instead, he decides she needs a change of scenery. Once they are on the road, Stefan calls Damon with some news. Liz Forbes reports that six area blood banks have been cleaned out. Stefan figures Silas is trying to restore his girlish figure and they need to do something about it. Damon's response is pretty much: how very nice for you; I'm whisking our girlfriend away to New York. Atta boy. Have fun, my friends. Please come to Boston, for the springtime. I'm staying here with some friends and they've got lots of room. You can sell [Klaus's] paintings on the sidewalk...

Despite my headline, it's fun to see Elena do something other than mope. I love how she keeps showing up naked in front of people, particularly Stefan. No wonder Damon is in love with her. Vampire Elena is exactly like him. I don't like, though, that this episode is all about how she has shut off her feelings and yet Elena seems (at least momentarily) jealous of Caroline and Stefan. That said, I do enjoy her encouraging Caroline to take Angel-lite out for a spin.

I'm going to go help Matt settle in at the Mansion, but will be back with a full recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where you can take off your clothes, but leave your hat on.

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Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Previously on The Vampire Diaries, Jeremy dies. Elena cries. Damon tells Elena to turn off her humanity. Stefan, who had been whining at Damon to do something, of course hates the something Damon does. Elena burns down the house. I hope Damon will come over and order me to turn off my TV. No such luck.

Now on The Vampire Diaries, it is nighttime. Elena tries the old Lie Down On the Road trick. We cut to...

Mossy Manse. Stefan is bitching to Damon that they're going to lose their girlfriend, since she's flicked off the humanity switch. Damon thinks that's one of the best perks of being a vampire (switch flipping, not girlfriend losing). I still want to turn off my TV. We cut to...

The Road. A car slows to a stop in front of Elena. We cut to a...

Sidebar. Seriously, Show? Are you just trolling me, now? Do we have to cut every few seconds?

Mossy Manse. Damon tells Stefan that the worst case scenario simply means he'll use the sire-bone (not a typo, just an attitude-o) to force Elena to flick on the humanity switch. Stefan is the smart brother this week, or at least this scene, so he points out that as soon as Damon does that, Elena's grief will overwhelm her. He says they need to give her a reason to want to turn it on, which I don't really get. Why would a reason prevent the flood of grief over Jeremy's death? Damon suggests showing her a good time. "I know it's controversial, Stefan, but people actually like to have fun." Tell me about it, Pixie Monster. This is why I want to shut off my TV, but you mooks keep yapping, and Princess PainInTheAss is still lying out on that...

Road. The driver of the car runs to Elena and asks if she's okay. Elena turns on the Stepford stare, and monotones that she doesn't feel anything, so the woman rushes back to her car for a blanket. Elena Stealth-Salvatores to her, vamps out, and takes a big juicy bite. When she gets a little carried away, Damon emerges from the shadows and calls her off. Elena's hungry damn it, and since vampires don't have to watch their weight, I say girlfriend should go for it, but Damon tells her to show some restraint. Elena lets her victim fall to the ground, grumps that she, "...thought this was supposed to be fun," and then walks off, with blood still dripping down her face, so yes, the Show is certainly trolling me. Good to know. Title card.

Sidebar. Remember whatever year that was when there was the Writers' Strike, and the TV season was shortened by a half dozen or so episodes? Yeah, that was awesome.

And here's Hayley! Who? Hayley -- Tyler's werewolf friend played by Phoebe Tonkin. No, don't feel bad, I'd put her out of my mind, too. She's back. She exits a truck stop and starts walking between two rows of trucks. At first, I think they want me to think she's turning tricks. Even though Hayley is one of those Things That Go Bump in the Night, she's startled when something goes bump in the night. It's some random vampire (later we'll learn his name is Will), who throttles her then throws her to the ground. Since Connor the Vampire Hunter was able to extract werewolf venom from Tyler's mouth while Tyler was in human form -- and also because Tyler was in human form that time he bit Caroline -- it seems to me Hayley ought to be able to bite Will and save me from recapping any more about him than these few seconds. Yeah, I know Tyler's a hybrid and Hayley's just a typical werewolf, but if he's venomous in human form, she ought to be, too. Of course the mythology of this show has gotten so tortured this season, that I don't even know why I'm bothering you fine people, or even myself, about this particular point.

Before Will can further assault Hayley, Klaus swoops in, grabs him and says, "Have a care mate. That's no way to treat a lady." Yo, Klaus, don't sweat it. That's no lady. It's just Hayley. Being the Original pain in the neck that he is, Klaus doesn't listen to me, because he's already going for Will's jugular. After he takes a big bite, Klaus tosses Will aside, like he's as unimportant as a character-driven storyline in an unnamed TV vampire drama, then gives Hayley his best bloody-lipped (MY WORD PEOPLE, IF YOU DON'T HAVE A NAPKIN, USE YOUR SLEEVE), tilted head, come hither look.

Hayley smiles up at her unlikely hero. "You came." Not yet, Hayley, but I'm sure you two will get there, soon enough. Hey, I know I don't usually work blue, but sometimes, I have to. When Will "vamp runs" away, Klaus tells Hayley not to worry because her assailant will be dead by the following night. He then berates Hayley for being foolish enough to make a deal with Katerina. He'll protect Hayley though, as soon as she tells him everything she knows about our girl Kiki. We cut to...

Mossy Manse. Morning. While Elena showers, Stefan and Damon continue their spat. Since having fun didn't pay off, Stefan wants to take Elena back to school. That'll teach her. (Wait for it. There ya go.) As a student, Stefan can keep an eye on Elena there, while Damon tracks down Katherine and the cure, which Stefan insists Elena needs more than ever. Is anyone else just STRAINING against every single one of these nincompoops who can't manage their own lives, planning how Elena must live hers? With Jeremy dead, what does she even have left as a human now? Has anyone asked her if she still wants the stupid cure? Ugh.

Caroline walks in the bedroom, in a pink robe. Oh, is she shacking up with Stefan because that might be fun. They can trade bossy pants and have Sanctimonious Stare-Offs. No such luck. Interim Mayor Dad, as you'll recall, has spiked the water supply with vervain. It seems Mossy Manse has a fancy water filter, so Caroline is only there for hygienic reasons. I hate the show so much for including this detail. I would have been perfectly willing to accept that the vervain spiked water had been used up, or diluted by rainfall, or something. The mention of the water filter makes a person wonder where Stefan got the vervain spiked water he left for Damon, back in "A View To A Kill." Whatever. Caroline, of course has to weigh in on how to run Elena's life, and she's onboard with the school plan. When she mentions that Sheriff Forbes could use some help, they decide Caroline will take Elena to school, while Stefan goes to see the Sheriff, and Damon goes on a Katherine hunt.

Elena walks into the room, dripping wet and nekkid, and says, "Sounds like fun," so she must not have been listening to the school part of the plan. After gang gets a good eyeful of her, Elena says, "What? It's nothing you guys haven't seen before," then finally wraps a towel around herself. This is the Elena I've been waiting to see since she first turned. I don't mean that in a nude way. I mean it in a 'tude way. Not that there's anything wrong with La Dobrev in the altogether. It's just that I've got some years on her, have had three kids, and seeing as I'm a Celt in Boston, in March, I'm so white that paste feels tan, so her youthful, tan, toned form makes me want to cry.

I swear there's a flicker of appreciation in Damon's eye, and I'm choosing to believe Elena's chutzpah is what puts it there. Were the situation reversed, he'd have absolutely walked into that room unapologetically naked. Still when Stefan gives him the old ahem, Damon invokes the sire bond and tells Elena it will make him happy if she goes to school, studies hard, gets involved in some activities, and, "...please for me, no matter what, don't eat anyone." Elena nods in agreement, but I think the slightest smile plays at the corner of her lips. We cut to...

MFHS. Elena walks to the bulletin board and looks at a flyer for a Memorial in honor of the Germ. She stares at it for a moment and then rips it down. she turns her attention to a flyer for the Mystic Falls Cheerleading Invitational, and rips that down for good measure.

Caroline's walking down the hall under a huge "Welcome Cheerleaders" banner and leaving a voicemail for Tyler about how Elena isn't back to normal, but they're working on it. She then babbles about how she hasn't heard for him, and how she keeps leaving messages and she loves him. Matt comes up and asks if she's seen Bonnie. Caroline says something about Bonnie being drained from "everything." Matt's smile is a little off, even though his, "Can't really blame her," response seems fine. The people in our forum put this in my head and they know I resent them for it, so I'm passing on the favor to you: what if Silas is wearing Matt's meatsuit, or otherwise controlling Matt?

Elena interrupts and asks Caroline if she can get her back on the cheerleading squad. Caroline's smile is so condescending, I want to wipe it off her face. When Caroline says, "I think that would make Damon really happy," I just want to shut off the TV, or maybe see what old Must See TV is airing these days. I think The Office is ending, right? I hear it's terrible these days, but I stopped watching it once it started declining, so I'm still full of good will where it is concerned. We cut to...

Klaus Haus. There's a knock at the door, and Klaus is, as you can imagine, just thrilled to see Damon. There's no reason he doesn't kill him on sight, so let's ignore that because Damon's pretty funny here. "I came up with a list. It's called 'Things You Suck At'. Number one: finding Katherine...ever. Number two: covering up your secret phone conversations with that little back-stabber, Hayley." Okay, the list title and the first item are funny. Damon's there to find out about Katherine, of course. Klaus is not up on my plan to ignore the fact that he hasn't already wiped out the entire Fellowship in retribution for Kol's death and grumbles about how he's totally going to get around to it. Damon pshaws him and tells him Katherine has the cure and is most likely planning to shove it down Klaus's throat. Damon proposes they work together. He'll get the cure and give it to Elena and everyone wins. He just wants to talk to Hayley. Klaus declares Hayley off-limits, but tells him how he bit one of Katherine's minions, who could probably help, were he not going to die soon. We cut to the...

Sheriff's Office: Liz tells Stefan that all the blood is gone from the hospital. The town is at a tipping point. If there are any more unexplained events (like the Gilbert Gables fire) then things are going to boil over. Now I have "I'm a Little Teapot," in my head. Thanks a lot, Liz. Stefan promises he'll help. When Liz asks who would want blood so bad and be so careless, we cut to...

MFHS Cheerleading Invitational. I know, in the recaplet, I said there was no Event O' the Week. What I meant by that was a big, town wide Founders' type deal, but I guess this qualifies. Elena sizes up the competition. The people on the boards have a lot of cheerleading-related beefs with this episode. My daughter cheers, so I know they're right. Elena would never be allowed in a competition at the last minute, etc., but I just can't care. While Caroline chats her ear off, Elena sizes up her victim and follows the visiting cheerleader out to her bus, has herself a little after school snack, and takes her hair ribbon. Commercial.

After the break, Elena is wearing the blue ribbon, which clashes with her maroon uniform. Caroline asks her about it, but when she sees the victim with a scarf wrapped around her neck, Caroline knows what's going on. She scolds Elena about ignoring her sire's instruction not to feed on anybody and then Elena says the best thing she's said all season. "Who cares? I'll do whatever I want." Stefan comes over and asks if everything is all right. Elena: "Yeah. As soon as the queen backs off, everything will be fine." After Elena swans off, Caroline spells out what just happened for those of us who have already tuned out. "Remember when Damon sired her to behave? It didn't really work." We cut to the...

Truck Stop. Damon is on the phone with Stefan who is tattling that Elena fed. They confirm the suspicions I've had since "Stand By Me." Since the sire bond is caused by Elena's feelings for Damon, since she's shut off her humanity, she has negated the bond. Hip hip hooray! Damon: "All I wanted was to break that damn bond. You're telling me now, this whole time, all she had to do was turn it off? What happens if she turns it back on?" Stefan doesn't know, he just wants to know where Damon is, so Damon tells him how he's looking for a vampire that might lead to Katherine.

After the call is ended, Damon looks around, but instead of Will, he finds Rebekah, who informs him Shane is dead. She's looking for Katherine and she wants Damon's help. She figures he'll cooperate, because she was smart enough to bring along a vial of Klaus's blood, which, you'll recall, can heal the vampire from a wolf bite. Finally, someone has the brains to save some of Klaus's blood. Of course, it makes little sense that Klaus would ever willingly give anyone his blood, but maybe he's sent Rebekah down to check on Damon. With a sneer, Damon agrees to this new alliance. We cut to...

Klaus Haus. Klaus wines and dines Hayley and then asks for information on Katerina. Hayley plays dumb. Klaus wonders what Kiki promised Hayley. It seems Katherine found Hayley in New Orleans and told her she can help her find her biological family. Klaus tells Hayley he's the only one who can protect her. He'll do so, provided she cooperates. We cut to...

MFHS. Stefan finds Elena stretching by the lockers. When he says they need to talk, she stretches a long leg up onto his shoulder. Awkward. He asks if she fed on the cheerleader, and when Elena only will answer, "Maybe," he asks if she's behind the hospital's missing blood supply. Elena continues to stretch, as she assures Stefan she's sick of blood bags. Stefan tries to equate his early days of vampirism to Elena's current situation. "Look, Elena, I know what you're going through. I was having the time of my life when I first turned, too. I didn't start ripping people's heads off until 1912. The thing I know, I was killing an entire village." Elena has not a single shit to give, but Stefan continues to coach her. Elena thinks this new her could be a better version and head off to the gym.

Caroline confronts Elena and tells her there's no way she's not cheering, but instead of saying, "Bring it on," Elena just tells her to try and stop her. I feel so ripped off. During their routine, it seems that Caroline is a flyer (a cheerleader who gets tossed in the air, and she's way too tall for that position), while Elena is one of the bases (someone who tosses and catches the flyer). The girls toss Caroline in the air, but as she starts to come back down, Elena steps back and folds her arms across her chest. Caroline falls to the floor and glares up at Elena. Stefan did not miss her antics and gives Elena a concerned and disappointed look. I believe Elena's eyes say, "Suck it." Commercial.

Outside the school, Stefan exposits about how impressed he is by Elena's plan to rejoin the squad, so she could feed on out-of-town vervain-free cheerleaders. One they've reached his motorcycle, Stefan tells Elena she's got to pick more private spots for her fun, and that he knows of a dive bar where she can feed. He tosses her a helmet, and as she catches it, he Stealth-Salvatores at her and injects her with vervain, "...to take the edge off." I wonder if Stefan had treated Elena like she deserves any agency, and had actually taken her to that dive bar, if she would have acted differently, but alas, we'll never know. We cut to...

Neighboring Grove Hills Trauma Center. Damon has his reasons for looking for the missing vampire there, but I won't bore you with them. It's Rebekah's response that's more fun. "Impressive. You're like Sherlock Holmes..." I'm about to object on behalf of my clients, Benedict Cumberbatch and Robert Downey, Jr., but then the Original Vampire Barbie adds, "...With brain damage." Atta girl. At any rate, while checking out the Grove Hills blood bank, they find Mystic Falls isn't the only town whose blood supply has been stolen. Damon figures their guy wouldn't have had time to rob both hospitals, but on the plus side, this empty blood bank means the guy they're looking for is probably still nearby and hungry.

Rebekah remembers... her life, so she warns Damon that this better not be a wild goose chase. He insists that he wants to find the cure as much as she does, but Rebekah knows the sire bond is broken, so she has her doubts. "Why would you want to find the cure? You'd just cure her back to loving your brother. I think you're best off leaving it for me." As Damon watches Rebekah walk out, it is clear that he knows she has a point. We cut to...

Klaus Haus. Hayley criticizes all of Klaus's art work, except for one painting of a lonely shadow figure. Bah. Then Klaus natters about control and art and life. Hayley mocks Klaus's Let Me Show You My Etchings seduction technique, then tries to argue for Tyler's life. She figures Klaus hasn't killed Tyler yet because he doesn't want to forever alienate Caroline, but Klaus says sentencing Ty to paranoia and fear is true punishment. You know what else would work, Klaus? Recapping this dialogue. Talk turns back to Katherine and the network of allies that has helped her escape him lo these centuries. These two get more flirty as they try to come to a deal, but I'm just not feeling it. We cut to...

Mossy Manse. Stefan is there when Elena wakes in Damon's bed. If that isn't a metaphor for this show, I don't know what is. Elena is grounded and she's not happy about it, so she strips in front of Stefan. He chides her for trying to manipulate him with sex the way Katherine would. Elena says Katherine has been on the run so long, "...she's afraid of her own shadow. I am not afraid of anything. I have shut it all off -- all of it, including my feelings for you. Don't get me wrong. I mean, I see you standing there and you look good. I remember our sex. It was good sex. I just don't feel anything about it, anymore, but you clearly do." She's dressed by now, and sending texts as she rubs her disregard in Stefan's hurt face. She doesn't understand why he cares what she does or who she kills. Stefan says it's his fault she's like this because he brought vampirism into her life. He already has to live with the people he's killed. He doesn't want to have to live with the ones Elena kills, too.

Elena largely ignores him and instead continues to type away, so finally Stefan grabs the phone out of her hand and asks who she's texting. Elena says, "Look at you. Your whole world revolves around me. Maybe you're the one that needs to turn it all off." They're interrupted by a thud and voices. Downstairs, Elena's texts have paid off. There's a big party brewing at Mossy Manse, including delicious kids from vervain-free towns. Stefan is pissed, which delights Elena a lot, considering she's allegedly without feelings. Commercial.

Caroline arrives and she and Stefan enjoy the party in what's sadly become their wet blanket fashion. They look with derision at Elena dancing, but then start to appreciate that she is finally having fun. Caroline casts off the wet blanket and encourages Stefan to enjoy himself. There's nice chemistry between the two of them in this scene. His eyes twinkle as he asks Caroline if he's supposed to, "...grab some girl, throw her onto my shoulder and take her out on the dance floor?" When Caroline thinks that's the ticket, Stefan throws her over his shoulder. Caroline giggles in protest as we cut to...

Grove Hills. Rebekah finds Damon in the parking lot, feeding on a hospital worker. After Becky mocks his lack of subtlty, Damon compels his victim to slowly walk to her car. She's bait for their vampire, and it works. When he stumbles out of the shadows and toward the bleeding woman, Damon Stealth-Salvatores him against a tree and is about to stake the guy when he recognizes him. "Will?" Will says, "Hey buddy," and then shows Damon the rotting wound on his neck. "I think there's something wrong with me. I need help." Damon says, "Yeah, it's okay. I know what to do." Because it's Season Gore, he then reaches in Will's chest and pulls out his heart for us to admire. Rebekah yells, "What the bloody hell are you doing?" Damon lies, "He was too far gone. I put him out of his misery." I hope you don't buy that, Rebekah. We cut to...

Klaus Haus. Klaus tells Hayley he's gotten word from Rebekah that her assailant is dead. "So you're safe and free to go. Or stay." Hayley says she could be persuaded to stay and enjoy the good life. Perhaps she could drum up some of Katherine's secrets, so that Klaus will help her, in return. Klaus makes it clear he has no intention of letting Tyler go, but Hayley figures she has no chance with Tyler and Klaus has no chance with Care Bear. Hayley changes tacts and starts talking about the one painting she didn't hate. "I saw how twisted it is, and maybe I can relate." Do I have to pay attention to what they're saying? No I do not. They have sex. I have never seen Klaus have less sexual tension with any character on this show, and that includes his siblings. And possibly his mother. We cut to...

Mossy Manse. Elena's having a grand old time dancing until she sees that Stefan and Caroline are actually enjoying themselves, too. It seems She Who Shall Not Have Feelings is feeling plenty of jealousy (and anger). When Stefan accuses her of it, Elena laughs off the idea of having emotions. Caroline tries harder with Elena than she has in a while and asks her to dance with them. Elena says, "No. You guys look good together. By all means, Care, just take him out for a spin. He could use it."

As Elena nears the door, Sheriff Forbes enters and asks her what's going on. Elena: "Just some underage drinking and drug use." Suddenly this bothers the last adult in Mystic Falls, so she asks for Stefan. She plans to shut the party down immediately. Elena grab's Liz's arm and tells her to stay and have a drink, but Liz would like to be unhanded right now, thank you. Elena says, "Either you have a drink, or I will," and then puts on her game face and shoves Liz against the wall. Caroline rushes over and pushes Elena off. Once she's sure her mother is okay, she tries to lunge at Elena, but Stefan stops her. In all the commotion, Elena Stealth-Salvatores right out of her house arrest. I can't help but cheer. Commercial.

Out in the woods, Caroline and Stefan do what they've done all season -- analyze and criticize Elena's behavior. Don't get me wrong. I know Elena is acting up. I just don't think the attitude these two have taken with her from the moment she turned has been helpful or kind. Stefan says he'll go check the road while Care continues to search the woods, then adds, "If you see her, don't hesitate. Just snap her neck, all right?" Caroline agrees. We cut to...

Mossy Manse Damon is pleased to arrive home to a houseful of drunken cheerleaders. He's less pleased that Rebekah has followed him home. She knows he knew Will and that he killed him to keep her from finding Katherine, and getting the cure. Damon's lips curl in distaste. "Do you really want the cure? I mean really? Look, let me give you a little bit of advice. You see these girls? They look happy...now. In five years, they're going to settle for a mediocre starter husband and a mind-numbing career. And about that time, they're going to realize something that you'll eventually have to learn. [...] Life sucks when you're ordinary. And what makes you exactly not like them? You're a vampire. You take that cure, become human? You're no one. Nothing. Trust me, losing this cure was the best damned thing that ever happened to you." Oh Damon, I am pretty sure you just cursed yourself to getting the cure shoved down your throat. Rebekah looks like she's never once considered that. Since she's been alive a thousand years, that makes me want to bang her head against the wall. Repeatedly. Meanwhile, Damon gets a text from Stefan: "Elena's AWOL. Need help." We cut to the...

Woods. Caroline can't find Elena so she yells, "Don't make me fight you, Elena. I'm stronger than you, and I don't want to hurt you." Um, Caroline, you remember you can't see her, right? Oh never mind. Here comes Elena. She Stealth-Salvatores up behind Caroline and does things to her that an action-scene oriented recapper would be better suited to describe. In short, they fight. Elena pins down Caroline, but Caroline manages to shake her off. Elena says, "Not bad. Not technically good, but then again, Alaric didn't train you. You were probably too busy butting into other people's business." And they start fighting again. Caroline tries to talk Elena down, but Elena reminds Caroline that she doesn't care. About anything. She tells Caroline that she should try flicking off the humanity switch. "Who knows? You might stop whining about how Tyler left you. Added bonus: you won't have to feel guilty about all the dirty thoughts you have about Klaus." Caroline: "Shut up." Elena: "Make me."

Sidebar. I don't want you to think I'm ignoring the fact that the younger vampire is not overwhelmed by the older one. I just think the writers already explained it with Elena's comment about training with Ric. Also? I already mentioned it in the recaplet.

Caroline rushes at Elena, but Elena bests her, and taunts her. "You fight like a girl." Really, Show? I remember when you used to treat your female characters right. After knocking Caroline to her knees, Elena breaks a branch off a tree and is about to stake Caroline when Stefan zoops in out of nowhere, grabs Elena and then tosses her to Damon after he zoops in out of nowhere. As Elena struggles to be free, Damon says, "I admit, under any other circumstance, this would be a major turn-on." When Stefan says, "Get her out of her," Damon spirits Elena away. Once they're alone together, Caroline and Stefan struggle to catch their breath. Commercial.

Mossy Manse. Parlor. Caroline leaves another pathetic voice mail for Tyler. It's cut short when she gets a text from Matt (or "Matt") that reads: "Meet me at Tyler's house." Stefan comes in and asks Care if she's okay. They again analyze and criticize Elena and wonder how they can get her back. Caroline has the presence of mind to understand why Elena might not choose to turn her emotions back on. "She's an orphan. She just lost her brother. Her life sucks, Stefan, so why would she come back to us?" Well, you two haven't given her much reason this season. Stefan says, "Even when I was at my worst, Elena didn't give up on me, so we can't give up on her." He holds out his hand. "Deal?" Caroline takes it and shakes it. I can't help but think that all the things these two say to each other about Elena, they should say to Elena. Granted, now, with her emotions (let's go back to using "humanity," show because Elena is demonstrating plenty of emotions) off, this talk would be less effective, but all season long they've been treating her like a math problem. I'd be acting up if I were in Elena's shoes, too.

Upstairs, Damon is going through old photographs, while Elena pouts on the edge of the bed. "How much longer am I supposed to sit here?" Damon: "Well, I'm not big on goal setting, but let's just imagine a time when you don't want to kill your best friend." Elena blinks. "Are you judging me? How many times have you tried to kill Stefan?" Damon gives her a wry look and then turns his attention back to the photo he's holding. It features him and Will in a classic buddy pose. When Elena asks what he's looking at, Damon says, "One of life's many mysteries."

Damon puts down the photo and says, "Elena..." but she stops him. "Don't. Every time someone starts with 'Elena,' I get some stupid lecture. Everyone needs to stop telling me that I need to feel. I do feel, Damon. I feel amazing." Damon: "You don't want to be like this." Elena: "Then how should I be? Should I go back to being the scared little girl who couldn't admit what she wants? Is that how you'd prefer me to go back to being, or... Look. For the longest time, you wanted to be with me, but you were scared that I'd find out how awful you are, but it doesn't matter anymore because I don't care. Be honest. You like me better like this." Damon looks at her, and maybe gives the slightest nod, but I think he's realizing exactly the opposite. We cut to the...

Lockwood Mansion. When Caroline tries to walk in the open front door, she's stopped by an invisible barrier because guess who owns the house now? Matt! He looks at the paper he's holding and once the reality hits him, Matt says, "Come in." Tyler sent Matt a package in the mail. Included in it was a letter from Tyler, which reads: Dear Care, I miss you more than I can put into words, but as long as Klaus is alive, I can't come home. He won't stop trying to kill me and you won't stop trying to protect me, which means the only way to make sure you're safe is for me to go and never come back. I left Matt the deed to the house. It will protect you in ways I can't anymore. I will always love you.

Caroline's voice is choked with tears. "He's not coming back." When she starts to sob, Matt takes her in his arms and holds her. And darn you forumites, you're right. He does look creepy there. The thing is, he still has to be Matt, or the invite wouldn't have worked, right. But I'm wondering if spooky Silas-Shane and Crazy Bonnie did something to my Pudding Pop! We cut to...

Klaus Haus. As Hayley dresses, Klaus spots a birthmark on her right shoulder. It looks a bit like a crescent moon. Klaus says, "In my considerable lifetime, I've only seen that mark on a handful of others -- all from the same bloodline. A werewolf clan that once thrived throughout what we now call Louisiana." Hayley rises. "Don't lie to me. Not about this." Klaus smirks. "I wouldn't dare. Matters of family are sacred." Hayley says, "Tell me?"

Stefan is at his desk when the phone rings. It's Sheriff Forbes. "We have a bigger problem. We cut to...

Damon's Car. Damon answers Stefan's call, even though he's driving. That's very dangerous, Damon. You should pull over. Oh, I know you won't die, at least not unless you crash into a picket fence (that could be a metaphor about fandom desires, if I strain myself). When Stefan asks where Damon is, Damon says, "Out for a drive. I needed some space. It's not me. It's you." Stefan gets to his point. Sheriff Forbes says there have been reports of six other bloodbank thefts within 30 miles of town. "Somebody's stock-piling blood. It's not us. [...] I think Silas followed us back from that island. He hasn't fed in 2,000 years, so he would have to gorge on blood. That explains the thefts." Damon grimaces. "You know, I'm not really in the mood to Scooby-Doo our way through the Case of the Stolen Blood Supply, so why don't you hold the fort down 'til I get back and I'll be in touch, brother."

After Damon hangs up on Stefan, the camera zooms out to reveal Elena is riding shotgun. She tells Damon, "He's gonna hate you for that." Damon: "Yeah, well, emotions are overrated." When Elena asks where they're going, Damon looks at the photo of him and Will, then says, "A place every newbie vampire should go at least once in their life -- New York -- the city that never sleeps." Elena looks happier than she has in... maybe forever. Drive safely, kids. Title card.

I'm going to go help Matt settle in at the Mansion. I'll be back with coverage of "Because the Night." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where you can take off your clothes, but leave your hat on.

Stefan is at his desk when the phone rings. It's Sheriff Forbes. "We have a bigger problem. We cut to...