In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Koala clips and sailing 'ships, emotional pain and reservoirs of vervain -- that's what little vampire shows are made of! Maybe the compulsion is still wearing off or perhaps I'm on an '80s music high, but right now, I'm pretty sure "A View to a Kill" is the best episode of season gore cure bore 4. An awful lot happened (do I ever make it through a TVD recaplet without saying that?), so break it down for me, fellas. Oh wait… that's my job. Okay, I've got this, but I must admit I'm livin' on a prayer.
Caroline and Tyler are nowhere to be found. Per usual, Rebekah has family issues. Stefan is babysitting Damon. Elena is babysitting Jeremy and Matt, so it falls to Bonnie to blow up 99 red balloons for the Event O' the Week: the 1980s Decade Dance. Since parents just don't understand, Interim Dad cancels the dance and orders Bonnie home for a family meeting. The problem is, Elena has enlisted Bonnie in her cockamamie plan to kill Kol, which will both break his hold over Damon and insta-grow Jeremy's hunter tattoo.
After getting physical, physical with Rebekah, Stefan doesn't stick around long enough to tell her she's got Bette Davis eyes. Klaus catches him sneaking out of her room, though. Since Kol swiped Klaus's dagger collection, Klaus is at Becky's to beg access to the last dagger. Becky's not inclined to deal with this karma chameleon and tells him I can't go for that, no, no can do. Klaus gets Stefan alone and orders him to get the dagger, regardless of Rebekah's wishes.
Elena wants Stefan to get the dagger too, not to use it on Kol, but rather on Rebekah. Despite their meaningless pledge of no feelings or attachments, Stefan knows Rebekah is undergoing a total eclipse of the heart. Still, when Stefan learns his part in Elena's Cockamamie Kill Kol plan, he recognizes the poetry therein and realizes he must roll with it.
The plan is too complex to layout in a mere recaplet. Suffice it to say, since only a human can dagger an Original, Matt is assigned to be Stefan's wingman. Elena and Jeremy plan to lure Kol to Gilbert Gables for truce talks. Bonnie (who had an earlier confrontation with a murderous Kol) is supposed to show up and magically disable Kol so Jeremy can safely slay him. Later, she is to disable Klaus so that he doesn't rip off their heads one handed and drink from their brain stems.
Bonnie is waylaid by Interim Dad who thinks that by hiding her cell phone, he can control his powerful daughter. And just in case he can't, he's brought in reinforcements. Who can it be, now? Why it's Abby Abandoner! When Bonnie gets all Papa Don't Preach, Abby drugs Bonnie, but the witch quickly recovers and gives her parents what for. This is what it sounds like, when doves cry.
Since the dance was cancelled and Stefan needs to occupy Rebekah until he or Matt find the dagger (which she has hidden in her boot), Stefan takes Rebekah to the still decorated school gym and serves as her private dancer. Rebekah is a maniac on the floor, but otherwise largely sweet and sympathetic. Writer Rebecca Sonnenshine and director Brad Turner deftly mine authentic, believable emotions from this talented cast. Rebekah and Stefan connect despite themselves and Stefan is unable to let Matt dagger Rebekah. That's just the way it is.
Klaus is largely sidelined when he assumes Stefan's Damon-sitting duties. One moment, Klaus is needling Damon about the fact that for Stefan, love was enough to overcome compulsion. The , he is begging Damon to tell him how Elena is able to forgive him his sins, against all odds. Klaus knows Elena isn't merely addicted to love because of the sire bond. Damon explains that Elena knows every rose has its thorn and that since when he is bad, he is bad with a purpose greater than just being a dick (a la Klaus), they've got a groovy kind of love. Along with Rebekah and Stefan's deeper moments, this scene is a show stealer.
By episode's end, Jeremy manages to slay Kol. Kudos to Nathaniel Buzolic, who took Kol from a swaggering, cocky chap to a crazed killer without breaking a sweat. I hope the new Originals series include plenty of flashbacks featuring your fetching face. When Klaus arrives at Gilbert Gables to kill any and everyone he can, Elena invites him in! Bonnie is there. Drawing on the power of the new moon, she is able to magically (albeit it, temporarily) imprison him right in Elena's parlor.
When Stefan fills Rebekah in on the night's events -- including Kol's death -- she is horrified, but Stefan reminds her we didn't start the fire. What is more, he treats her with compassion and -- more importantly -- with respect and manages to fold her into the Fellowship of the Falls. The newest member makes Elena uncomfortable, but since she's reunited with a now compulsion-free Damon, there's plenty of discomfort to go around. Gotta blame it on something? Blame it on the rain.
I have some continuity concerns that I have to think over between now and when I write the full recap. For one thing, how is drawing on the power of the new moon NOT using nature-based magic? Still, "A View to a Kill" exemplifies so many of The Vampire Diaries' strengths. The pacing, as ever, is breath-taking. This time, though, emotions aren't sacrificed on the altar of speed. The characters' motives, while mixed, are clear and the story feels character driven. This right here? This is my show. Welcome back.
I will return with the full recap, ASAP, so don't you forget about me. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're fluffing up our shoulder pads and busting out the Aqua Net, with or without you.
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your show starts.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!I've never done this before, and probably won't do it again, but this recap is dedicated to actor Robin Sachs, who will always be the best Chaos-worshipping Evil Costume Shop proprietor in any vampire infested town. May you rest in peace, sir.
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries, Elena's a new vampire. There have been... complications. Complications, really Show? Okay. Look, I don't want this recap chipping away at the '80s music buzz I built up when I was writing the recaplet, but I'm only seconds in and I can feel it waning. Elena is "sired to" Damon. See what I mean? Damon wants it to be real (you know, except for when he's ordering Elena to come to him). There's gore, the cure and the inevitable hangover of bore. Kol says, "This cure has ruined us, and it hasn't even been found yet." Is he bucking for my job? He holds Shane underwater (which is not water-boarding, even though I previously referred to it as such, but I'm in no mood for a full housekeeping) and demands answers about Silas. Klaus "helps" Jeremy. Rebekah and Stefan want sex without attachment or feelings, even though they're the two characters on this show who are least capable of honoring such a bargain. Kol compels Damon to kill Jeremy. Stefan locks Damon in the Mossy Manse dungeon. Elena tells Jeremy he's going to kill Kol.
Currently on The Vampire Diaries Stefan wakes in Rebekah's bed and looks around like he doesn't know where he is or how he got there. I guess you're putting on this show for yourself Stefan, because the rest of us remember you weren't drunk when you and Rebekah hit the sheets. Anyhow, once he pretends to remember himself, he Stealth Salvatores into his clothes and tries to sneak out the door, only to be met by Klaus, who is clearly trying to decide if he's more jealous of Stefan or Becky.
After the title card, Rebekah scolds Klaus about respecting her privacy but he reminds her that there are bigger things to worry about. After all, Kol tried to kill her just last night. Let's get one thing straight, only Klaus gets to kill or dagger his siblings. Speaking of... Kol has absconded with Klaus's daggers, and the Perma-Son of White Oak Stake. Klaus knows Becky has the last dagger and some white ash, so in his ever so charming way he orders Rebekah to hand them over. Rebekah tells him there's no chance in hell, and orders him to leave with a ridiculous, "lurkers aren't welcome here." What does that even mean in this context? How is he lurking? Rebekah, everyone had a crush on Angel during BtVS's season 2, but you can't just co-opt his, "I lurk" line to use in nonsensical ways. When Rebekah heads off to shower, Klaus tells Stefan it's up to him to get the dagger and ash from Rebekah. If Kol isn't daggered, Damon will remain compelled to kill Jeremy, which wouldn't put the twist to Klaus's knickers, except the young hunter's arms are so beautiful and Klaus is an artist, oh and also, there's that whole Map to the Bore. We cut to the...
High School. Bonnie is there, forever alone. Okay, she's with nameless students, but none of her friends. They're decorating for the Event O' the Week: a 1980s Decade Dance. I'm surprised any these kids even remember where the school is at this point. Perhaps Bonnie did a locator spell. Over the phone, Elena explains that she's babysitting Jeremy because Kol wants him dead and Klaus wants to take him out to slay his way across country or some damn fool thing. When Elena snarks at Jeremy and Matt about tidying up and putting away the weapons "beforesomeone tries to use one on me," she sounds like...Elena Gilbert. I miss that character.
Elena tells Bonnie her cockamamie plan. She wants Jeremy to kill Kol. His vampiric bloodline must be long enough such that killing him should instantly complete Jeremy's hunter's mark. Lots of people are outraged that Elena is advocating "genocide." In her defense, the pedants have offered that it isn't genocide since we're talking about vampires rather than humans. I don't care for either of these stances. For me, it's far more simple: Kol and his mystical descendants are vampires. Sure, there could be a special snowflake or two like Elena and Lexi, but there doesn't have to be. I am not wasting my '80s music buzz getting angry about someone slaying however many vampires. I just can't. Blame Buffy. Besides, moral relativism is this show's stock-in-trade. The Fellowship of the Falls matters to the Fellowship of the Falls -- nothing else and no one else rates. They've told us this 22 weeks a season for three years, and 12 weeks so far, this season. Frankly, I'm just relieved Elena is showing a little agency, even if it's a self-centered, cockamamie agency that by episode's end is going to require industrial strength suspension of disbelief. And yes, I am going to overuse the word cockamamie, if such a thing is even possible, which it is not! What a cockamamie idea.
Bonnie's willing to be the prized tool in the chest again and idly wonders if Caroline will notice she's only blown up 89 red balloons, rather than 99. "99 Luftballons" is blaring in the background, to make the connection for those of you who weren't even born in the 1980s. How are you people even old enough to read, anyhow? Shh. Don't pester me with math or reason. Nena is playing. If it's some cover band, don't tell me. I'm happier this way. Anyhow, while cleaning up after Matt and Jeremy, Elena washes her hands in the sink, and the water burns her. When she tells Bonnie that there must be something in the water, we cut to the...
School hallway. Bonnie's still on the phone, but this time, she's taking Interim Dad to task for dumping vervain in the water supply. Oh Interim Dad, if I didn't hate you so much I could kiss you. You know, when Bonnie asks, "Where did you even get it?" had you answered, "The internet exists, honey," I'm pretty sure my hate-on for you would have disappeared. Instead you go with this cryptic, "I have my sources." Lame. Anyhow, Interim Dad has also reinstated curfew and has cancelled the dance. He says it's his job to protect the town. Bonnie disagrees and says it's her job and she's been doing fine. I'm laughing too hard to pay attention to the rest of the conversation, but it ends with Interim Dad ordering Bonnie home for family meeting and me wondering how rank the vampires are going to smell if they can't even shower.
As soon as Bonnie hangs up, Kol swoops in, throttles Bonnie to remind me this is still The Vampire Diaries, and says that no one will get to the cure if she's too dead to find it. When he vamps out and goes to bite Bonnie's neck, she Expresses herself so clearly that Kol drops to his knees in pain. Balloons start popping. Good thing Caroline isn't in this episode, because we must be down to 79 red balloons and we've lost a few silver mylar ones, too. Lockers fly open. Paper scatters everywhere. I'm all ready to make a crack about Bonnie turning into the Chintz Monster, until I realize that's from my other show. Darn it. Freaked out by her lack of control, Bonnie runs off while Kol is still suffering. We cut to the...
Mossy Manse Dungeon. Lying on the floor, Damon stirs when he hears Stefan. He tries to plead his case that it's safe to set him free, but Stefan doesn't even talk to him. He just tosses him a test tube full of blood and leaves a water bottle in reach. When Damon goes to get it, he sees Klaus who informs Damon he's his new babysitter. Stefan tells Klaus to give Damon a vial of blood often enough to prevent desiccation. "If he gets too much strength back, or if he just annoys you, bleed him out again." When Damon remarks that Stefan's silent treatment indicates he's still angry that Damon slept with Elena, Klaus says, "You sure about that? Because I caught him trying to sneak out of Rebekah's bed this morning, which would suggest to me that he's moved on." Stefan sighs at this revelation but I think Klaus is being sort of sweet in a twisted way. He still thinks of Stefan as his friend sometimes, which is monumentally sad, no matter how you look at it, or which side you take. Damon makes some stupid crack about revenge sex that just doesn't work for me. Stefan leaves them to enjoy their "villain bonding" time, while he sets out to retrieve the dagger from Rebekah. How is Damon a villain, right now? I mean, I know he was compelled to kill the Germ, but he didn't, and tried his damndest to make sure he didn't. Sure, his past is more than checkered but coming from Stefan the judgment just sounds petty. Don't make Bitter Stefan sound petty, even when he's being petty. Bitter Stefan should be biting not butthurt.
Before Stefan gets out the door, where his shiny motorcycle awaits, he gets a call from Elena. He assumes she's calling to check on Damon, but for the first time in weeks, Elena has something else on her mind. Hooray. She tells him that Kol just tried to kill Bonnie and Stefan actually cares even though he doesn't know there's a current magical need for the shiniest tool in the shed. When Elena shares that Kol is intent on murdering anyone who wants to find the cure, Stefan agrees and tells her about how Klaus has assigned him to get the dagger from Becky, so they can disable Kol. As Elena relays her Cockamamie Kill Kol Plan, Stefan revs up his bike, I suppose to block Klaus's hearing. I suppose this is smart, but it takes me out of the moment, because I start thinking that Klaus is still down in the dungeon, then I wonder how vast the range is when it comes to vamponic hearing, when I should be paying attention to the show. Anyhow, Elena tells Stefan that Bonnie now thinks she has enough power to entrap Kol long enough to give Jeremy a clean shot at staking him. It's a pity that's not how it will play out, but I'm getting head of myself.
Stefan points out that although Klaus and Rebekah are dysfunctional, bickering lunatics, they put family first, and will wipe them all out of Kol is killed. Elena's plan has enough cockamaminess to cover that, too. Stefan needs to dagger Rebekah, with a little assistance from the other human tool, Matt. Bonnie has a plan to temporarily take Klaus out of the picture, too. Stefan's emerging feelings for Rebekah couldn't be more obvious if they were tattooed across his face in DayGlo. Fortunately, he's not using Skype. Elena goes on to say that once they have the cure they can use it against Klaus and Rebekah. Stefan finally agrees to play along, but wonders how Elena will manage to lure in Kol.
It's night now. Kol is walking down the street with his earbuds in when his phone rings. I love how everyone on this show has everyone else's phone number in their contacts, but this time, it makes some sense. Elena is calling from Jeremy's phone, and the writers hand Kol the Exposition Fairy Wand, so he can remind us that he and the Germ were "mates" in Denver. Once Kol realizes who he's talking to, he tells Elena that he was just thinking of ways to kill Jeremy but is happy to settle for ripping off his "illustrated arm." Why I... Nobody threatens either of Jeremy's beautifully buff arms. That's it. Kol is a monster and he needs to die. If thousands upon thousands of other vampires of varying degrees of monstrosity must die along with him, well, that's collateral damage I'm ready to accept. Get Wayne LaPierre on the horn. We need to fend off this clear and imminent threat to Jeremy's Second Amendment rights, provided we can correct the Constitutional spelling of what should clearly be bare. Anyhow, Elena says she needs to talk to Kol in person. "I want to call a truce in the name of Silas." What? Is she part of his cult, now? Does she think Kol is? What's up with that wording? Don't get me wrong, I understand why Elena invokes Silas just not how. Regardless, it does the trick for Kol who was already on the way to Gilbert Gables. When he rings the doorbell, Elena is startled as are Matt and Jeremy who have been readying weapons the whole time.
Kol tells Elena to open the door and invite him in, if she really wants a truce. Thinking more quickly than she has in a dozen episodes, Elena grabs a chalkboard off the wall (you know, not the school kind, just one of those little phone message jobs; this one looks like a small menu board) and writes instructions out for the boys, so that Kol can't overhear them. First she instructs Matt to help Stefan find the dagger and use it against Rebekah. (Vampires cannot dagger Originals.)
While Elena is writing and gesturing, Kol is babbling about why it's safe to invite him in. He doesn't personally want to kill Jeremy, because he doesn't want to suffer the Hunter's Curse. He knows vervain is back in town, so he figures he can't compel Elena to kill Jeremy either. Elena then instructs Jeremy to get out and get Bonnie. Stupidly, Jeremy whispers, "I'm the only one who can invite him inside." Kol makes no secret of overhearing that, so Elena rolls her eyes and opens the door. I like Jeremy, but let's have a word about his stupidity. While Elena does want to lull Kol into a false sense of complacency with this truce talk, she and Jeremy need Bonnie if they have a prayer of (believably, and I'll get to that at the right time, I promise) slaying Kol. Jeremy should have followed Elena's instructions then she'd have a reasonable excuse for not inviting in Kol, and Jeremy could have actually gone and gotten Bonnie. Whatever. The show wants Kol inside Gilbert Gables, so inside he will be. Elena makes Kol promise to let Jeremy go. Kol agrees, so Jeremy invites him in then takes off out the back door.
After an awkward product placement for Kol's smart phone that turns into a cute little character moment involving his love of music, the fake truce talk begins in... earnest isn't the right word, since they're fake, but you know what I mean. Kol is clumsy enough to let his jacket hang open, which allows Elena time to see that he's carrying the Perma-Son of White Oak stake right on his very own person. Kol prompts Elena to offer him a drink so they can have a proper chat. Since that's the end of the scene, I got ahead of myself when I claimed that the truce talks begin in this scene. I would go back and change it, but you guys watch The Vampire Diaries. Clearly, you prefer speed over detail, yes?
Rebekah is going over her clothing collection, bemoaning the colors and fabrics that exemplify the fashion high crimes and misdemeanors that were the 1980s. She's not wrong, but since she was daggered until quite recently, how does she know? What's more, where did she get this stuff? I'd wonder about a costume shop, but she's got two large racks of clothing. Is Mystic Falls so evil that it has a costume shop dedicated to the 1980s? Goodness. Get the President on the phone and request a drone strike. When Rebekah presses Stefan to see if he's inviting her as his date to the dance, he has to break the news that it has been cancelled. This girl will never get to a dance, will she? I love the look on her face when she learns the sad news. She was almost that sad when various family members died.
Covering her extreme sorrow, Rebekah turns to Stefan and asks if he's there for more dagger talk. Even though I basically think all of the Originals who aren't Elijah should die (provided we could find a way for Klaus's death to not take out the Fellowship of the Falls, and I only worry about them sometimes, because after all, Matt would still be standing), I applaud Rebekah's skepticism here. I'm so tired of seeing people prey on her emotions and then betray her, even Bitter Stefan. There's an exchange between them about Stefan trying to sneak out in the morning. When he says he doesn't regret their um... assignation, Rebekah asks Stefan if he wants it to happen again, Stefan says, "Maybe." She wonders if that would be true, even if she won't give him the dagger. When Stefan tries to play innocent, Rebekah calls him out on it then says she should pack up the clothing racks. So there is a 1980s Costume Shop in town. Well, Ethan Rayne can't be running it, so burn it down and salt the earth.
Returning some clothing to the rack, Rebekah turns back to Stefan. "Well, that's another failed attempt at getting to a high school dance." Poor baby. Poor one thousand year-old baby. When Stefan asks Rebekah why she cares so much about a high school dance, she lies that she doesn't. "I'm just bored." Seizing the opportunity, Stefan says they can still go if she wants. When Rebekah says they can't go if it is cancelled, Stefan tempts her with a, "Since when do you care about the rules?" Somebody's cover of "Maneater" is playing the whole time, but since it's not Hall and Oates, my inner '80s child won't let me look up the artist, because then I'd spend too much time wondering why, considering Hall and Oates' sizable catalogue, anyone would choose to cover "Maneater."
Klaus is still babysitting Damon and by babysitting, I mean taunting. He berates him for being too slow to get Jeremy killing, and for allowing Kol to kill all the baby vamps at the Zanadew Lounge. I'm tired of exposition and was going to skip it entirely, but I'm as hooked the spelling of Zanadew as Jon Stewart is on mentioning Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. Diagnose me with ADD, or call me Olivia Newton-John, which is far more episode (although not season) appropriate than Samuel Taylor Coleridge, but now I'm wondering how many of you are saying, "Zanadewiasosopo." Just me, then? Fine. Oh dear, where was I?
The point of the scene is this. Klaus decides to pump Damon for romantic advice. What's his secret to getting Elena to forgive him for all his sins? Joseph Morgan's face and voice do the heavy lifting in this scene. One moment, he is sneering and taunting. The he is laying himself bare, and is clearly still the loneliest snowflake on his own dreary canvas.
Damon relishes the opportunity to elbow Klaus about his crush. "I think you murdered Carol Lockwood, and I think you're worried Caroline is never going to forgive you." He then softens a little (or maybe a lot, considering he's dealing with Klaus), in the sense that he offers Klaus an answer. Damon says while he is bad with a purpose, Klaus is just bad to be a dick. Oh, Damon, don't make me go back through all the recaps and remind you of how many times you've done bad things just to be a dick. Let's forget about all the times you killed Alaric, once you knew he was wearing a Protect-o ring and jump straight to the time you killed Jeremy when you didn't know he was wearing one. His point is this: "If you're going to be bad, be bad with purpose. Otherwise you're not worth forgiving." I leave it to you all to debate if this has anything at all to do with Elena's ability to forgive our Evil Pixie Monster, because I'm just not all that hung up on it. To me, her forgiveness is like weather. It just happens. It's a fact of Elena. Since her only other suitor is Stefan, I don't really see the kind of difference that so many fans do.
Back at Gilbert Gables, Kol is playing video games when Elena returns with the hooch. Kol tries to school her in cocktail preparation and exposits about how the Mikaelsons lived in New Orleans at some point, which is where Klaus finally daggered Kol. I hope this means that someday, we'll get a Damon/Kol flashback that we were supposed to get last season. Talk finally turns truce-y and Elena claims she's willing to stop looking for the cure, provided Kol will leave Jeremy alone. When she goes to get some ice, she texts Jeremy to inform him that Kol has the Perma-Son of White Oak stake. Jeremy texts back that he's still trying to find Bonnie, so Elena should keep Kol there. When Elena shuts the fridge door, Kol is standing right on the other side of it glaring.
Cut to the street, where Jeremy is leaving another frantic voicemail for Bonnie, then back to the house where it seems like Elena might have gotten away with texting. There's more smalltalk and then Kol asks Elena if she's killed. "Or are you one of those Mary Sue vampires?" I know everyone seems to have loved this line, but it broke the fourth wall a little too much for me (and I'm usually fine with that). Elena admits that she killed once, and then finally Kol suggests they talk about Silas. As he heads out to the living room. Elena gets a text from Matt, who has had no luck finding the dagger, yet. We cut to...
Rebekah's bedroom. Matt is on a panty raid, because the dagger is nowhere to be found, and it's the closest he's gotten to panties in like, forever. We cut back to...
Gilbert Gables. Kol ran with witches in 14th century Africa, 17th century Haiti, and in New Orleans in the 1900s. He learned from them that if Silas rises, he'll unleash hell on earth and Kol likes earth the way it is. Yes, I hear the Spike echo of "Happy Meals with legs." Kol lectures Elena about the modern lack of faith and how in doing so, they no longer know who they should fear. I can't help but think this is a nice little sendoff to Nate Buzolic. If I'm recalling his social media posts correctly, he's pretty open about his own faith. We cut to the...
Bennett Bungalow. Interim Dad has taken Bonnie's phone and car keys in an attempt to make her stay put for the family meeting. Um, hello? You summoned her home hours ago, Interim Dad. Meet already. Bonnie laughs at Interim Dad trying to be a father, even as he lectures her about Shane and reminds her he lost Abby to witchcraft. Yeah, I'm pretty sure Bonnie remembers that, Interim Dad. When Jeremy knocks on the door and asks for Bonnie, Interim Dad tries to send him packing but Jeremy is persistent and barges in. When he tells her Kol is in Gilbert Gables, Bonnie says she has to go, but Interim Dad trots out the, "I said no."
Bonnie Expresses herself by magically breaking a lightbulb and tells her father to stop telling her what to do. When she gets to the door though, Abby Abandoner is on the other side and says no one is going anywhere. Interim Dad extends an invitation his erstwhile spouse. I want to go back and look at old episodes to see if this is the same set where Bonnie's home scenes have always been shot, because now I'm wondering who owns which Bennett/Hopkins dwelling, and if there is more than one (house and rightful owner), because Stefan has been inside (at least one of) Bonnie's house(s), as has Caroline, I think. The show is pretty specific (too specific, if you ask me) about how it's only a human owner who can extend an invite, and I'm wondering if the writers just Jossed themselves. Yes, I know Jossing is mostly a fanfic term, but after Kol's Mary Sue mention, I just don't care.
Abby Abandoner wants to know who Professor Shane is, and what he's been teaching Bonnie, but Jeremy insists there isn't time for this now, because his sister is in trouble. Abby quickly wins over the Elena haters by saying, "My daughter is through helping Elena Gilbert." It doesn't win me over though, because after helping Miranda Gilbert, Abby didn't pack up her baby girl and move to a safer town. No. She wallowed in self-pitying guilty and decided to mother someone else's child instead. When Abby continues her questioning, Jeremy's urge to slay her takes over. Bonnie has to put herself between her mother and her ex to keep him from slaying Abby. She sends him on his way with a promise that she'll soon follow, then turns to her parents and says, "Let's talk." We cut to...
Gilbert Gables. Since the gin is all gone, Elena returns with a bottle of wine. Kol wonders why he should believe that Elena is willing to give up the cure, when she so obviously wants to be human again. Elena says she'd do anything for her brother. "If what you're saying about Silas is true, what does it matter what I want, if it puts everyone else in danger?" Okay, I think that line of dialogue is a mistake. Elena's already running a likability deficit. In the last couple of episodes, she mentioned giving up the search for the cure if it meant danger to Jeremy or that he had to kill innocents, or something. And she said that not to Originals, but to Damon or friends. I don't have time to back and look for the specifics. My point is she said it and meant it. Now, I can see her not immediately buying into the Silas story, but since she's talking to a thousand year old vampire, and is herself a vampire, it's not beyond the pale that Kol's story could hold some truth.
Would it have been all that outrageous for Elena (and for any of the Fellowship, or the other Mikaelsons, for that matter) to stop and think this Silas thing might be worth looking into? That she doesn't, to me, not only fails to jibe with the Elena we've known for three and a half seasons (which okay, she's a vampire now, and she's sire bound, and whatever else, so granted there's wiggle room there), but with common sense. She loves her brother. And Matt. And her supernatural friends, too. Why would she be willing to unleash hell on earth, just for a cure, especially since she's now better adjusted to vampirism? I suppose being free of the sire bond could be her motivation, but that seems selfish for this girl who spent a couple of seasons trying to die for her friends whenever she could, and it also doesn't jibe with her reaction to the sire bond. I mean she doesn't like the fact of it, but she also seems ready to wave it away, when it comes to being with Damon. I'm rambling. Let's move on. Kol gives Elena the stink eye and decides to go. Elena tries to stall him by asking if there's any chance he could be wrong about Silas. Kol just says, "Trust me, Elena. Some things are better left buried," and then leaves.
School. Stefan and Rebekah arrive in the darkened gym or cafeteria. I can't tell. They pick on '80s music for a moment, while Stefan hooks up his MP3 player or phone or gadget to the speaker and then cracks, "I hope you like The Cure." Rebekah sighs, "Funny," then there's a bunch of blather about '80s movies, and tries to tie the era's sentimentality to the two of them. I hate his guts right now, so much, but only for a second, because Stefan pulls out a little box about the size of a jewelry box-- not the size of the one on your bureau, but rather the size of the kind you get from the jewelry store. Rebekah lies, "That had better not be a corsage." What is with the dialogue? I'm cool with the fact that she both wants a corsage and feels the need to cover that desire, but what kind of corsage could fit in that little box -- one miniature carnation? Ah I can't stay mad long though, because it's a Koala Bear clip. I pause the episode to tell my daughter all about these little doodads. She laughs at me and hurts my '80s feelings. Brat. Stefan clips the little bear to Rebekah's dress and invites her to dance.
Jeremy arrives home to a dark house. He's ready to fire his crossbow, but finds only Elena who says Kol is gone. She then asks Jeremy where Bonnie is. He says she's right behind him, so when the doorbell rings, Elena expects to see her best tool, but instead, she finds Kol, who, sadly, overheard them. The truce if off. When Elena slams the door in his face, he kicks it open and sets off in search of some Gilberts, and some scenes that strain all semblance of sense.
Meanwhile, back at the Bennett Bungalow, Bonnie and her Interim Parents argue about magic. When Bonnie says she's not using dark magic, but instead Expression, I can't decide if Abby Abandoner is alarmed or perplexed. At any rate, Bonnie explains about the vampirism cure, and how Bonnie can use it to save Abby. When she tries to leave, Abby says she isn't the one who needs saving, Bonnie is, and then knocks out her own Interim Daughter with a face full of magical whatever that is. Bonnie slumps to the floor and we cut to commercial.
Mossy Manse. Annoyed that Stefan isn't returning his mash notes via text message, Klaus vents to Damon about how long it's taking to recover the dagger. He then mocks Damon for not trying to get out of dungeon. Damon says since he's compelled to kill the Germ, "It's probably smarter to sit in here and chitchat with you, than try to bust out of here like the Hulk." I'm only quoting because of the later Jeremy scene, and you know it. Klaus belittles Damon for his inability to resist the compulsion to kill Jeremy, especially since Stefan fought against compulsion so hard on Elena's behalf. You know, I've been seeing this around the internet, a lot, and Damon even mentioned it last week. Sure, Stefan did fight the compulsion, but when Klaus commanded him to bite Elena (and to turn off his humanity) Stefan eventually did bite her. I don't see a big difference between that and how Damon struggled to resist his compulsion to kill Jeremy. Damon was begging Jeremy to shoot him in the heart. Stefan staked himself with a broom handle. What am I missing? My TiVo died over the summer and I haven't yet purchased the season 3 DVDs so I haven't re-watched episode 3.5, but unless I'm missing something huge, I'm thinking Chad and Dana would agree with me that compelled Stefan wasn't appreciably better. There's more teasing the love triangle, but it bores me, so I'm ignoring it. Klaus's cell phone rings and saves me.
It's Kol on the other end of the line. He tells Klaus that Elena and Jeremy have been plotting to kill him. Kol assumes Klaus is in on it, and won't believe otherwise. He threatens to cut of the Germ's arm and kill Elena for the hell of it. "Then I'm coming for you." Elena appears at the top of the stairs and fires the crossbow at Kol. It's a red feathered arrow and I can't help if she got it from Susan Pevensie.
Back at Mossy Manse, Klaus throttles Damon and demands to know what's going on -- what Stefan and Elena are planning. Damon swears he doesn't know anything, but Klaus turns on the compulsion eyes and demands to know what Damon knows. Damon again says he knows nothing about any plan. He very well could be telling the truth. In fact, that's what I'd expect. That's neither here nor there. The point of this scene was made early in the episode, when Stefan brought Damon some water. Oh sure, it's in a bottle, but the bottle is label free, so it's probably been washed and filled up with tap water. Interim Dad spiked the town water supply with vervain. When Klaus leaves, he compels Damon to stay there until he returns. As Klaus storms out, Damon does his best robot impression and repeats Klaus's command. He looks over at the water bottle to make sure we're keeping up, and then walks out.
School. When Stefan returns with a bottle of booze he pilfered from the faculty lounge, I feel sorry for the Ghost of Alaric, who isn't even in this episode. Stefan finds Rebekah dancing to Bon Jovi and there's some sentimental conversation about Lexi, which turns to talk about Elena and how both women made him better than he'd be on his own. When Stefan proclaims that the thing with Elena is over, his eyes betray him, and Rebekah says his expression is exactly the reason she doesn't let herself care. Stefan knows she's fronting and calls her on it. When they hear a balloon pop, Stefan jumps. Rebekah tells him she'll protect him if Kol decides to crash their private party and reveals she's got the dagger hidden in her boot. With the promise of a new idea, Stefan encourages Rebekah toward the hallway, then texts Matt with the dagger intel and an order to get to the school.
Gilbert Gables. All right, this is the beginning of the end of my fun. I enjoyed the heck out of this episode until I had to think about these parts of it in detail. I can't, in good conscience, make you all think about it, beat by beat, scene by scene, so you're getting the skinny, to save us both. I can understand why, despite his threat to the contrary, Kol doesn't want to kill Elena. He might want to anger Klaus and stop Klaus, but he wouldn't want to enrage Klaus as much killing the hybrid wet nurse might. Still, it makes no sense that Kol, a thousand year old vampire, doesn't have the presence of mind to snap Elena's neck. And, on a show that has made such a big deal about how the older a vampire is, the stronger he or she is, it makes no sense that baby vampire Elena is able to struggle as effectively as she does against Kol. Suffice it to say that despite being pinned to the wall by a section of her wooden bannister (and other injuries as well), Elena prevents Kol from tearing off Jeremy's arm, and eventually the boy is able to introduce the monster to the business end of the Perma-Son of White Oak stake. Kol dies a fiery death. Yes, I just telescoped some scenes, because really, does anyone want me to spend any more time on that?
School. Stefan is trying to teach Rebekah how to slide down the hallway, like they are in The Breakfast Club, which was so two episodes ago. It's all a ruse so that she'll be accessible to a good daggering from Matt. Rebekah doesn't realize Matt is waiting for her, but when Stefan tells her to take off her shoes, she takes out the dagger and willingly gives it to Stefan. She knows he's been setting her up all night; she just doesn't know how far he was planning to go. Then she opens her heart and unwittingly saves herself. After admitting she cares about koala corsages, and proms, and would love to have babies with a guy who'd pull a Lloyd Dobler in her front yard, she finally says it; she wants to be human. "So let Klaus put down my brother and let's go find the cure." It's then that Stefan does the most amazing thing and shakes Matt off. This is the kind of growing and learning we got in the '80s, you jaded Post-Moderns, and it was fantabulous.
Bennett Bungalow. Interim Dad wants to object as Abby Abandoner prepares some more herbs with which to drug their still unconscious Interim Daughter, but Abby explains she needs to keep Bonnie down until she can summon some witches to clean the girl's mind of Shane's poisonous Expression. Unfortunately, she's a little too slow with the mortar and pestle. Bonnie wakes, magically isables her mother and proclaims her freedom. "I don't belong to the spirits any more. I belong to myself," then heads out.
We then cut to Gilbert Gables, where you already know what happens, so let's fast forward. As Kol goes up in flames, Klaus arrives at the doorway, just in time to watch his brother die, so he cries us into commercial.
After the break, Klaus reacts as you'd expect. Elena tries to excuse it by saying they had no choice, as Kol was trying to cut off Jeremy's arm. It's true enough, but Klaus already heard from Kol that the Gilberts were trying to kill him, and he knows they had to invite him inside in the first place. Clearly, it was a trap. Klaus screams that he wanted to take care of Kol on his own terms. Now he plans to burn the house to the ground and when the Gilberts try to run, he'll kill them without blinking. Jeremy says if Klaus kills them, he'll never get to the cure and won't be able to make any more hybrids. Klaus doesn't even care about that. He planned on killing them all as soon as they dug up the cure, but now he'll watch them burn instead. His rant is cut short by Bonnie who magically disables him. She orders Jeremy to invite Klaus in. Once Klaus crosses the threshold, Bonnie slows him again and orders the Gilberts into the living room. When Klaus follows and tries to get to them, he's trapped inside a mystical barrier. Jeremy grabs the Perma-Son of White Oak stake from Kol's corpse and runs to the door with Elena. As Bonnie surveys her jail spell, Klaus tells her she can't do this to him. Bonnie brags that he has no idea what she can do. As the threesome leaves, Klaus screams that he will hunt them all 'til their end.
Back at Rebekah's we find her reacting to the news that Kol is dead. Stefan pleads the Gilberts' case -- Kol left them no choice once he targeted Jeremy. He also reminds her that Kol was ready to stake her. Rebekah is incensed that Stefan knew all night what was going on, but Stefan softens her up by reminding her that now she can have the cure, and have and be what she wants. "Everyone deserves a second chance, right?" Rebekah: "Why would I trust you?" Stefan doesn't know. He could give her his word, but she's going to have to take a leap of faith.
Mossy Manse. Jeremy is worried because the hunter's mark hasn't completed yet, but Bonnie and Elena remind him it will take a while for all of Kol's bloodline to die off. When Damon walks in, Elena's face lights up. She's still hugging him when Stefan arrives. He's got the Silas headstone. Elena catches him up on Jeremy's mark and Klaus's magical prison. Bonnie says she drew on the New Moon to bind the spell. How is that not nature based magic? Wouldn't that be under control of the spirits? Whatever. Bonnie says they've just got a few days before it wears off. If they don't find the cure by then, Jeremy says, "We might as well look up Katherine Pierce and see if she wants some company in hiding, because he will come after us." Oh Jeremy, I hope that's a secret promise from the writers, because I miss Kiki.
Elena exposits some blather about Professor Shane but it's when she assumes Rebekah has been taken care of that things get interesting. Stefan admits he didn't dagger Rebekah. He says it's unnecessary, because she's on their side. She handed over the headstone and wants the cure as much as anyone. When Elena can't believe her ears, Damon takes pleasure in suggesting that Rebekah won over Stefan when they were having sex. Chagrinned at first, when Stefan looks at Elena, it's clear he's hoping for a reaction. He is not disappointed. Her mouth doesn't say anything, but her eyes speak volumes. Satisfied, Stefan chides Damon for being a blabber mouth. When their bickering continues, Elena says, "Stop it, both of you." Bitter Stefan is in the house. He snarks, "Why don't you tell her to calm down, Damon?" Hee. "You've managed to use that sire bond pretty well so far, haven't you?" Having had enough, Damon punches Stefan in the kisser. Stefan rises to his feet and is just about to go at big brother when Jeremy screams and rips off his shirt, like the Incredible Hulk. The mark expands. It's now also visible to the rest of the gang. They watch in wonder as it fills in. Once it's complete, Damon whispers, "Here we go." Title card.
And here I go. I'll be back with coverage of "Into the Wild." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we're fluffing up our shoulder pads and busting out the Aqua Net.