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Welcome back from the hiatus. I hope your holidays were good and that you're skating right through this winter -- unless of course you're south of the equator, in which case I have no seasonal sentiment prepared for you because I'm too busy seething with jealousy. I'll forego further antipodean awkwardness and get right to the story. The Mystic Falls Event O' the Week is a mandatory school memorial for the late Mayor Carol Lockwood, which fails to touch her own son, never mind the other teenagers who are forced to attend. Tyler ends up at home, alone, mourning Carol in a much more fitting manner -- by drinking all her booze.
If you'll recall, before the break, April un-daggered Rebekah. The Beckster is always a little crabby when she wakes up, so she forces Elena, Caroline and Stefan to join April and her in the school library for a very special detention episode involving copious notes and promised flow charts which, sadly, never materialize.
April is angry that Stefan, Caroline, Elena -- and heck, half the townies -- are vampires, and that they have compelled her in the past. She knows all this thanks to her new BFF Rebekah, and yes, April is well aware that Becky is a thousand year old Original vampire, but has probably been compelled by Rebekah to disregard how often she's been compelled by Rebekah.
Rebekah wants two things -- control of the vampirism cure and some juicy gossip, so she compels her charges to spill their guts, but surprisingly not in the gory way which has become characteristic of season 4. Just because Rebekah slept through the '70s doesn't mean she remained blissfully unaware of the insidious rap sessions which dominated the decade (and no, children, this rap has nothing to do with music). She compels Caroline to blurt out that Elena and Stefan broke up. She compels Stefan to admit he knows Elena slept with Damon. She also compels Elena to confess that while she loves Stefan, she is no longer in love with him (and that he makes her feel like a "project"); Elena says she is in love with Damon.
Rebekah learns Professor Shane is hip to the cure, so she enlists Kol to bring him to the high school. Bonnie visits Shane to complain about the fact that her dad is back in town, has been named Acting Mayor and is hell-bent on protecting her, despite the fact that he's an African American in Mystic Falls. She's looking for a little magical tutoring, but Shane explains she has already graduated (sine laude, but she doesn't know about that yet). He gives her a human bone pendant, which she accepts without question (!) and sends her on her way because he has papers to grade and needs to be kidnapped by Kol five seconds after she walks out of his office.
Bonnie actually passes Kol in the hallway but she's too busy returning his eye flirts to let his identity sink into her brain until it's too late. Last season, there were fans who 'shipped Bonnie and Kol (some rather rabidly, considering there was no story to support it). I can't help but feel the eye flirting is pandering to these fans at the expense of Bonnie's characterization.
Needing an athlete to flesh out her Breakfast Club, Rebekah calls Tyler and tells him she's holding Caroline at the school. When Tyler arrives on the scene, Rebekah compels him to turn into a werewolf so that he can kill off the rest of her no longer useful hostages. Even though Rebekah orders the vampires not to run, they do, which I don't really like because she's been compelling them all episode. Please don't write to me with any of that business about her failing to turn on the compulsion eyes because she only used them sparingly throughout her forced rap session. I know the loophole is there; I just don't care for it. It would have been more sensible to just have Rebekah fail to order them not to run.
When Tyler starts to wolf out, Caroline takes off in one direction (perhaps she sees Harry Styles somewhere). Stefan and Elena go in the other, and neither of them breathes a word of concern for their shared Bestie because it's not in the script. They manage to barricade themselves behind some double doors while exchanging pained looks. Meanwhile, Tyler is human again and sleeping off his wolfing, naked on the gym floor (in front of a memorial table dedicated to his mom). Caroline finds him, covers him up with a table cloth and holds him.
Meanwhile, Rebekah tries to compel Shane to tell her how to find the cure but he's trained himself to be uncompellable (a word my spell-check rejects until I compel it to learn otherwise). She tells Kol to beat the truth out of him. Somewhere in there, Shane talks about Silas. This chills Kol to his ancient, room-temperature bones but Rebekah laughs it off at first, as if Silas is nothing more than a bogeyman story. Shane gets all crazy eyed as he babbles about resurrecting Silas who will then resurrect all the dead (including Shane's wife and child, I presume). At some point, Kol waterboards Shane and eventually impales him. Bonnie is with April in another classroom and when she casts a spell to protect Shane, April suffers all the consequences of Kol's abuse.
Stefan and Elena find Bonnie and the dying (yet again) April. Stefan gives her his blood to heal her and then orders Bonnie to get the child out of there. Once the girls are gone, Rebekah arrives and after she complains about how her least favorites are always the most durable, she offers Stefan some sweet release. She will compel him to forget his love for Elena and his every memory of their time together. While Elena is horrified, Stefan is all in. Too bad Rebekah is just toying with him. After pretty much saying "Psyche," she leaves him to wallow in his misery. Elena wants to keep rapping with Stefan about their feelings, but since he'd like to retain his last tattered shred of dignity, he shuts that right down and walks away.
Later, Stefan invites Rebekah to Mossy Manse. He informs her that Shane survived the impalement, then proposes teaming up to find the vampirism cure. He needs to know Elena's true feelings (once she's free of the sire bond). Rebekah is skeptical but seems willing to play ball (but not in a Twilight way) because, as always, she is desperate and alone.
After all the excitement, Elena calls Damon. He's still at the Lake House (with Matt) training Jeremy to be his very best Buffy. Damon has been trying to do everything by the book but things aren't proceeding quickly enough for Klaus, so he shows up to tempt our Evil Pixie Monster (back) to the dark side and "helps" out by turning a pub full of locals into transitioning vampires, so that Jeremy can slay them and grow his mark. When Elena tells Damon that, today, she realized she truly loves him (and doesn't care if the sire bond is messing with her mind), he tells her that he's going to find the cure for her and in doing so, he will need to do things she doesn't like, then tells her to get in her car and come to him. Isn't this mystical roofie romantic? Ugh.
The episode ends with April approaching the Sheriff and the Mayor, speaking truth to power, and Bonnie giving Shane hell for teaching her dark magic. He gives his (undoubtedly skewed) view of Expression magic, so at least Bonnie finally knows the name of her new dark art. "After School Special" moves at the series' trademark breakneck pace, which both helps and hurts the episode. Watching it, the hour flies by, but afterwards, I'm left with some emotional dissatisfaction, which as usual, has been sacrificed at the altar of speed. I would have rather seen Bonnie argue with her father than complain about him to Shane. I wish there had been a painful friendship moment between Elena and Caroline that rose above betrayed looks, and it seems like either Stefan or Elena should have wondered, even for a moment, about Caroline's whereabouts and safety. Still, there were heartbreaks and intrigue all around, so "After School Special" is more than a fine way to spend an hour.
I will be back with the full recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we are so not spending Saturday in detention.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Housekeeping Item #1: As everyone on the entire Internet has pointed out, I made a stupid mistake in the recaplet. Rebekah didn't just order her captives not to run in the hallways -- she ordered them not to "vamp run." Now honestly, I heard her say "vamp run." The meaning of the words just didn't sink in. I thought it was an awkwardly cutesy way of telling the vampires present that they couldn't run, while still allowing Tyler to do so. I was already picking on the show (mistakenly it seems, and I'm so sorry about that, Writers) for what I thought was shoddy compulsion scripting, so I decided not to pick on what I thought was awkward phrasing. It never dawned on me (and I watched the episode twice before I wrote the recaplet) that she meant no high-speed running (i.e. Stealth Salvatoring). Thank you for all the heads up. I'm sorry for the stupid error. I can't even blame it on carelessness, just density. And to the one person who wrote to say she was disappointed, may I add this: be glad you don't have to deal with me in person, where I am far more disappointing on a regular basis. Speaking of how disappointing I can be, let's move on to...
Housekeeping Item #2: I could have sworn this is the first time that Bonnie has heard the name of her new dark art and said so in the recaplet. But other fans disagreed with me and pointed me to the Girls' Night scenes in "We'll Always Have Bourbon Street." I went looking. Lo and behold, the fans are right. I am sorry for yet another stupid error. Before the hiatus, I was frustrated that Damon and Stefan know how dark Expression is, while Bonnie, Elena and Caroline do not. I misremembered my frustration and started thinking Bonnie didn't know what it's called. She does. She just doesn't know what it is. Thanks, readers!
Housekeeping Item #3: Deadline is reporting that the April 25 episode of The Vampire Diaries will be a backdoor pilot for an Originals series, involving (at least) Joseph Morgan and Phoebe Tonkin. Yes, I'm the last person to know, but I avoid a lot of media for the shows I cover because spoilers slip in here and there and I'm always afraid I'll spoil something in a recap, so I read selectively. Anyhow, I am thrilled with this news for three reasons: I love the Originals, I think the Originals have overwhelmed The Vampire Diaries to the point where their presence is hurting the show and I'm also pretty sure I'm due some royalties for floating this idea forever ago. Come on, Alloy Entertainment, mama needs a new pair of shoes... or just the opportunity to pay off her credit card. Okay, now let's get on with the show.
We open in the high school gym, where Sheriff Liz Forbes -- the lone surviving human adult in Mystic Falls -- is eulogizing Mayor Carol Lockwood. When she describes Carol's death as an "accident," Tyler says, "Screw this" and storms out. Would your school district allow let all those kids have a candlelight vigil at an official school event, on school property? I'm pretty sure all the open flame would violate a bunch of something or others in my town. I'm just looking at all that pretty long hair and all those flames and picturing a disaster is what I'm saying.
Elena's picturing a disaster too, in that when her eyes follow Tyler out of the gym, they land on Rebekah. When Elena does a slow double-take, Rebekah disappears from view. Elena goes off in search of her or maybe just for some fresh air. Regardless, it's clear she's taken her stupid pills today, because she doesn't even tell Bonnie who she saw (or at least who she thought she saw). I know she's a vampire now, but still, Elena. When your best friend is a witch and you think you've just spied an unkillable Original who hates your stinking guts, you really ought to employ the buddy system.
As Bonnie is trying not to fall asleep and burn all her hair off, the Sheriff introduces interim mayor, Rudy Hopkins, played by Rick Worthy, whom you Supernatural fans may recognize as the Alpha Vampire, which makes this a little confusing for me. And as my first two "housekeeping" items demonstrate, I'm easily confused.
Out in the hallway, Elena is no longer carrying her memorial candle even though she had it when she left the gym. Let's just assume she threw it in a trash barrel full of paper, and move on. Anyhow, Elena hears crying and sets out to investigate. She finds April Young at the lockers. She explains that the memorial is just bringing up too many memories of her late father, Pastor Cliché. Once April blurts out that she knows Elena is a vampire, Rebekah appears and snaps Elena's neck. When April wonders if that was necessary, Rebekah says, "No, but it was fun." The Elena haters cheer us through the title card.
Caroline calls Stefan and scolds him for missing the mandatory all-school assembly, which is hilarious, because all of these people miss mandatory all-school SCHOOL on a regular basis. Stefan quips that he's at a mandatory all-alone drinking party. Oh Bitter Stefan, welcome back. You're so much more fun than Mournful Stefan. Caroline disagrees and criticizes Stefan's timing of this "Ripper bender."
Given my stupidity regarding "vamp running," I'm hesitant to nitpick, but I feel like Caroline maybe missed the memo on what Stefan's "Ripper" tendencies involve. Yes, they involve a lot of drinking -- but it's blood, not booze, that is the problem. And then of course, there's the ripping people up and piecing them back together. There's exposition about Elena and Damon and how they've slept with each other. Caroline reminds Stefan that he's not supposed to know that information (as in, he learned it from her so he's to pretend he knows nothing) and tells him that since Tyler is spiraling, he gets priority right now. Stefan is fine with that. I don't think he's in the mood to be one of Caroline's projects. Caroline also exposits that she suspects Klaus of Carol's murder and tells Stefan he needs to get it together, because she can't take care of everything, alone. I'm not sure that's factually correct. If the rest of these kids would just take a day off, I bet Caroline could have the town in order by 5:00 PM.
Elena awakes from her neck-nap in the library. April is there and asks Elena how many times she compelled her. "Don't lie. Rebekah says you lie." Elena tells April that Rebekah isn't who she seems to be. April: "What? She's not a thousand-year-old original vampire?" I wish Elena had answered the question like this, "Me, personally, or all of us combined, because sister, you've been compelled a lot. And I'm pretty sure Rebekah is compelling you, right now." Elena tells April they can figure it out, but then need to get out of the school. Elena takes April by the wrist, but the girl seems to go along willingly enough. They don't even get out of the library stacks before Rebekah arrives and compels Elena to take a seat. "The rest of the class will be here shortly."
Lake House. As Jeremy works out with Matt (and both guys are wearing sleeveless T-shirts; I love you too, Julie Plec), Damon listens to a saved voice mail message from Elena. She must have left it before Rebekah broke her neck and kidnapped her, because the message is all about the sire bond and missing him and blah bitty blah. Let's watch the boys spar instead. Matty has some swagger, so he must have forgotten that he's seen how strong new, improved Jeremy is. When Jeremy gets Matt to the ground and nearly snaps his arm, Matt slaps him off and declares him a badass.
Damon is unimpressed with what he deems Jeremy's "slow-motion" skills, so Jeremy tells Damon to teach him something worthwhile. Damon tosses Jeremy a stake. The boy rushes at him, but Damon has no trouble spinning him around. As he holds the Germ by the neck, Damon taunts him about how easy it would be to snap his neck. Their session is interrupted by a pizza delivery. Clearly, nobody on the writing staff or in the prop department has teenaged boys, because one large pizza would never suffice. The woman teases the boys about ordering a double pepperoni three days in a row, and wonders if they eat anything else.
Damon startles the woman when he appears behind her and asks if she's "offering." The driver is appropriately creeped out and I feel bad for her. Damon quickly dials down the menace, pays the driver and bribes her to cut off the pizza pipeline for a couple of days. Jeremy wonders if Damon is going to starve them now. Damon says he will, if that's what it takes to make Jeremy a hunter and then orders him to run around the lake, twice. When Damon orders Matt to keep Jeremy company, Matt says he doesn't have to listen to him. Damon: "You do if you want to eat." Poor old Matt trots off after Jeremy. How did he get roped into this scheme? Pudding Pop, you should run right back to Mystic Falls, pack your bags and move to pretty much anywhere else.
As Damon goes back to listen to Elena's voice mail, we cut to the Mystic Grill, where Stefan is getting a call from Rebekah who announces she is back and is holding Elena hostage at the school. I wrote "hospital" there for some reason. If it's anywhere else, please excuse the overwhelming stupidity that infected me over the holidays. When Stefan wonders who was stupid enough to pull the dagger out of her, Rebekah says she'll be asking the questions today and then hangs up with a "See you soon."
As Stefan walks out, he calls Caroline and asks her how she'd like to drive the Son of White Oak stake through Rebekah's heart. Caroline's all for it, if it means Stefan won't be drinking his way through the Grill. As Stefan leaves, he passes Liz Forbes who is giving Interim Mayor Rudy Hopkins the skinny on Carol's death. Rudy is already hip to Mystic Falls vampire infestation. Liz notes that six people already turned down the Interim Mayorship for a reason, but Rudy has a good reason for taking the job and she just walked in. That's right. He's Bonnie's absentee father.
When Liz leaves the family so they can talk privately, Bonnie says something about how acting as Mayor is a far cry for being a traveling pharmaceutical rep. I hope I am not expected to accept this lame ass reason for him leaving his mostly motherless daughter alone all this time -- particularly since Grams' death. Rudy tells Bonnie he noticed a few of her friends were missing from the assembly. "So much for mandatory, I guess." Um okay, yes. You should probably talk to the school committee about the high school's piss- poor attendance, in general. This town has a major truancy problem, Rudy. But since you've been missing from the mandatory exercise we like to call parenting, I still think you have a lot of nerve. Not to mention -- how do you even know what Bonnie's friends look like? Okay, so Tyler left and you probably know who he is, but if so you should be able to understand why he left. And Elena left, but you probably know who she is, so you'd think that since her whole family died, maybe she'd find the service a little upsetting. Caroline stayed. Were you really able to scan the whole crowd of kids and be certain that people like Matt and Jeremy weren't there? Come on, Dad. You're just being dick.
Bonnie agrees with me and tells her father he can't just come in and start making rules. Rudy says the town could use some rules and I don't disagree with him. I just think that if you abandon your motherless and grandmotherless child, maybe you should shut your gaping maw, Rudolph! Bonnie reminds her father that she can protect the town. Um... really? Rudy says he's well aware of her "gifts," but, "...don't forget, I'm your father. That means I get to protect you." You're telling her not to forget that you're her father? How about you stop forgetting that you're her father, Rudy. Bonnie's oh please look turns into an I can't even be bothered to argue look. We cut to the...
High School. Carrying the Son of White Oak stake, Caroline is walking down the empty corridors and peering in rooms. Right after she texts Stefan that the second floor is clean, Rebekah Stealth-Salvatores by her. As penance, I'm going to refer to "Stealth Salvatoring" as "vamp running" here. Stefan looks up from his phone and peeks into another room, when he senses that someone has vamp run by him. In a Samsung product placement, Stefan sends a text to Caroline which reads: "1st floor. I'll distract her. You stake her." As soon as he's done typing, Rebekah shows her face. She gives him a little (deserved) crap about him helping Klaus dagger her, makes it clear she wants the cure and pushes Stefan up against the lockers. Stefan spins Rebekah around and pushes her up against the locker, then holds her there with a trademark throttle. Should he be able to do that? Well, maybe she's letting him, because Rebekah smiles, pulls out the Son of White Oak stake and lets him know she already found Care Bear. Commercial.
Rebekah leads Stefan into the library where April, Elena and Caroline are waiting. Rebekah declares class is in session, but I'm so referring to this as her very own Breakfast Club. Noting that her captives have all been compelled, she tells them she has a few questions and wants some honest answers. Everyone is to stay and remain obedient. When Rebekah tells April to take notes as, "...this is how you get answers in this town," the girl takes her literally and starts scribbling.
Playing exposition fairy, Rebekah talks about how back in 1114, the Originals met the Brotherhood of Five -- vampire hunters. She asks the kids what the tattoos are (a map leading to a cure for vampirism). After some more exposition involving the sword, Rebekah notes that since they're all still vampires something must have thwarted their search for the cure. It's then that she asks April what she's doing. The girl looks up. "Taking notes." Rebekah says, "I wasn't being literal, darling, but now that you mention it, a flowchart would be nice, which means index cards and pushpins. Go fetch." I'd laugh harder, but I'm a little bitter that the flowchart never materializes. You can't just promise flowcharts all willy nilly and then not follow through, Show.
Stefan proclaims this a waste of Rebekah's time. Rebekah can't believe Stefan would just give up and rubs in the fact that he was prepared to do anything so that he could take the cure with Elena, which meant that they could grow old and die together. Elena looks appropriately sheepish at that, as she should. Rebekah interprets sheepish as surprised and asks what's going on. Caroline cracks first and blurts out that Stefan and Elena broke up. Rebekah taunts Stefan about his epic love and compels him to explain what happened. When Stefan says, "She slept with Damon," it's then that Elena truly looks surprised... at least until she looks at Caroline and turns on the stink-eye. Then it's Caroline's turn to look sheepish. We cut to the...
Lake House. Jeremy and Damon exposit about the hunter's mark and curing Elena. Damon cracks that he's updated his Facebook status (in re: Damon and Jeremy) to: "It's complicated." Really, that should cover all his relationships, yes? I mean his least complicated relationship is with Alaric, and that's only because Alaric is dead. Damon asks Jeremy if he's talked to Elena, lately. Jeremy smirks. "Maybe. Why? Running out of voicemails to listen to?" It's then that Klaus arrives and interrupts them. He's annoyed that Jeremy hasn't killed any vampires since he's been at the lake. There's snark, but it's so much better coming from Joseph Morgan's lips than it is from my fingers, so I'm not going to transcribe.
Klaus wants the cure stat -- what with his hybrid shortage -- and asks how he can help. Taking the gun that Jeremy had been loading and unloading, Damon says, "You know, now that you mention it... Jeremy, watch and learn." He then unloads the (wooden, I presume) bullets into Klaus's chest. It's not going to kill him, but it is going to piss him off so this seems like a spectacularly bad idea, even for Damon. Our Evil Pixie Monster is an emotional critter though, and can't help himself. As Klaus glares at him, Damon says, "That's for Carol Lockwood."
Back at the high school, Rebekah stands in for the fans as she mocks Elena for being a bad boy loving trollop, as well as Stefan for reeking of booze, and then asks how sweet, loving and innocent Elena could be so heartless toward Stefan. Stefan says, "She didn't know it at the time, but she was sired to Damon." With the whiff of juicy gossip overwhelming her originally keen sense of smell, Rebekah momentarily forgets all about the race for the cure and takes out a cellar of salt to rub in her captives' wounds. She gets Elena to say, "I didn't sleep with Damon because of the sire bond. I slept with Damon because I'm in love with him." Caroline and I cringe on Stefan's behalf. Elena seems startled at her own words. Caroline turns the subject back to the cure. Stefan tells Rebekah that Professor Shane knows about the cure. When Rebekah asks about Shane's whereabouts, we cut to...
Shane's Office. Bonnie is there venting about her father. She believes he's been such an absentee father, because he hates her witch heritage so she finds it a little rich that daddy is now referring to her as gifted. She's ticked that he suddenly wants to be a protective father. I can't blame her, but I really wish this scene had taken place between Bonnie and her dad. It's hard for me to feel the emotions when I already know Shane is such a creepy sneak. I'm far too distracted by wondering what he'll do and how hurt Bonnie will be. When she asks him if there's some magical therapy they can try, Shane tells her she's learned all he has to teach and presents her with a graduation present of sorts. Bonnie takes the amulet and pronounces it beautiful. When Shane says it is made of human bone, Bonnie lets out a little, "Oh," but fails to run out of that office as quickly as she can. Shane says it was worn by the 2000 year old witch, Q, who drew on it for strength. He needs her to leave now, because he has a stack of papers to grade. Bonnie thanks him and walks out -- with the HUMAN BONE AMULET.
Bonnie has never been stupid, so I'm going to chalk this up to a side effect of Expression magic. I'm going to chalk this scene up to that as well. In the recaplet, I described the scene thusly: Bonnie actually passes Kol in the hallway, but she's too busy returning his eye flirts to let his identity sink into her brain until it's too late. Last season, there were fans who 'shipped Bonnie and Kol (some rather rabidly, considering there was no story to support it). I can't help but feel the eye flirting is pandering to these fans at the expense of Bonnie's characterization..
I have gotten so much flak about those three sentences -- you would not believe it. Oh wait, you're on the Internet so maybe you would. One fan went so far as to order me to stop "desexualizing" Bonnie, which... what? Right now, I wish I was Demian so I could go on some eviscerating tear and be done with it. Sadly, I am me and when I'm accused of ridiculous things, I feel the need to over-explain to the point where my victims' readers eyes roll out of their heads and clear across the floor.
To the extent that I can, I'll resist rambling and note that if you think I want to desexualize Bonnie, you probably haven't read many of my recaps (which is fine). I'm constantly harping on the fact that I would like Bonnie to be a more fully realized character who isn't treated like a mere tool. (And to give the show its due, she's headed that way.) That said, while I realize it's not like Bonnie spent any significant time with Kol, she's still a witch and witches on this show pretty much know they're dealing with vampires. I don't know if that's been spoken outright, but it's been shown as far back as Season 1. Bonnie was averse to Stefan as soon as she met him. So back to what I was saying: I'm going to blame her reaction here on Expression magic, because before she was shut off from nature-based magic, she could sense the evil dead. That's what was in my mind when I was writing the recaplet. (But do you now see what I meant about some of the 'shipping coming across as a bit rabid, considering there's never been a Bonnie/Kol story? Damn. I wish I could be Demian, just for five minutes.)
When Bonnie realizes she's just eye-flirted with Kol, she rushes to Shane's office. As she runs down the hallway, she hears something smash and shouts out "Shane" as she pushes open the door. Inside, some furniture has been upended and odds and ends litter the floor. Boonie looks sick as she surveys the office. Now that I've finished the scene, I want to address some more feedback I've gotten on the Bonnie/Kol thing. People have asked me why it's okay for Elena to be in love with Stefan and then Damon -- both of whom have sordid pasts -- and why it's okay for Caroline to flirt with Klaus, but it's not okay for Bonnie to make eyes at Kol. First of all, it's not okay for Elena and Caroline. More than once, I've wished that Elena (particularly when she was human) would run away with Matt or just pull a Kelly Taylor, choose herself and get these bloodsucking fiends of out her life. I would be appalled if Caroline hooked up with Klaus, considering all the evil he has wrought. That said, I do enjoy Elena and Stefan, and Elena and Damon. And I'd likely enjoy Caroline and Klaus. I'd think it was horrible and I'd enjoy it. This is a series about vampires and other creatures of the night. Welcome to the horror genre, where characters are supposed to do horrible things. We can both judge them for their poor choices and desperately hope they make even worse ones.
Tyler is at home and drinking up Mommy's booze when he gets a call. Caller ID reports it's from Caroline, but it is actually Rebekah. She gives him her condolences since Klaus has messed up her life and she can do nothing if not relate to that. She invites him to the school, so he can accept in person. When Tyler asks why he'd do that, Rebekah says, "Because I have your girlfriend. Maybe you have a better shot of saving her than you did your mother. Bye now." Displaying some of his inner 'roid-rage, Tyler throws his phone. It smashes to the floor. I can't judge him for that though, since at least it's his own phone. Elena feels me.
Back at the school, Kol delivers Shane to Rebekah. We cut to the...
Lake House. Night. As a Southern boy, Damon takes an appropriate level of umbrage when British/Viking Klaus criticizes his whittling. Klaus is still harping on the fact that Jeremy hasn't killed any vampires. When Damon explains that Jeremy isn't ready, Klaus isn't buying and says there's a town full of people down the road who can be turned and slain in a jiffy. Well, he doesn't say "jiffy," but he totally would. Klaus knows what's going on. Damon is trying to be good for Elena's sake, so Klaus says, "That's why I've already made the necessary corrections." Eyes wide with alarm, Damon says, "What did you do?"
Inside, Matt answers the door. It's the pizza woman we met earlier. She's not plying him with more pie. She claims she ran out of gas and her phone is dead. She asks to use his and Matt tells her to come in while he runs upstairs and gets his cell. When Matt disappears, Pizza Woman is unable to enter the house, because while she's a vampire and Matt invited her in, he's not the owner of the house so his invite doesn't count. Don't worry. Jeremy's wandering by and is stupid enough to get the job done. When Pizza Woman crosses the threshold, she thanks him. We cut to the...
School. Rebekah and Kol force Shane into some supply closet. When Shane instantly identifies both of them, Rebekah turns on her compulsion eyes and asks where the cure is. Shane smiles as he tells her compulsion won't work on him. "It's a little trick I picked up in Tibet." Dear Lord, can the rest of the regulars go on retreat until they learn to resist compulsion? Because I'm powerfully tired of how often they're compelled. I know the now-exploded Council rounded up all the vervain in town, but seriously? They rounded it ALL up? Come on. And hell, the Internet exists in their universe. Just frigging Google it, guys. Here you go -- one ounce of European Vervain Extract for $3.50. If you want the herb itself, you can get a pound for $15.09. And if it's Blue Vervain you're after, here's an ounce of extract for $5.99. I'm pretty sure the Salvatores can buy enough for the whole Fellowship of the Falls, no matter what you need.
Digression over, I return you to the story. So yes, Shane stupidly admits he can't be compelled. The great thing about being uncompellable is pretending you're compelled and either lying or telling the truth -- whatever suits your purpose at the time. Shane's too crazy to remember that, though, so Rebekah orders Kol to beat their newest captive until he tells them where to find the cure.
When Rebekah returns to the library, she proposes a game of Truth or Dare. She really is a thousand-year-old teenager, isn't she? When Elena chooses dare Rebekah compels her to tell Stefan the truth about Damon. Closing her eyes, Elena says, "Being with Damon makes me happy." Rebekah scoffs at this and says, "Clowns make you happy, Elena." She does that, just to drill home my earlier contention that we're working in the horror genre, because what kind of freak is made happy by clowns? When Rebekah orders Elena to dig a little deeper, our girl must obey. Elena says, "When I'm with him, it feels unpredictable, like I'm free." When Rebekah asks how Elena feels when she's with Stefan, Caroline tells her to stop and Rebekah says, "She can't. She's compelled."
Answering the question about Stefan, Elena says, "Lately, I feel like I'm a project -- like I'm a problem that needs to be fixed. I think I make him sad, and I can't be with someone like that, because when he looks at me, all he sees is a broken toy." Rebekah beams at Stefan, then turns back to Elena and says, "Do you still love Stefan?" Elena says, "Yes." Rebekah: "Are you still in love with Stefan?" Elena: "No." There's some beautiful silent pain from both Paul Wesley and Nina Dobrev, here. It's not surprising, but it's wonderful to watch.
Rebekah rises, turns toward Stefan and says, "Did that hurt -- having someone you love drive a dagger through your heart?" Stefan tells Rebekah to go to hell, so she repeats the question. Compelled to answer, he simply says, "Yes." Squatting down to look him in the eye, Rebekah says, "Welcome to the last 900 years of my life."
Stefan gives Rebekah a look, but the moment is interrupted when Tyler runs into the library. Rebekah says she's glad he was there as it was getting depressing, which is nobody's fault but her own. Turning from Tyler to her captives she says, "Listen to the rules carefully. Stay in the building. No vamp running in the hallways." Caroline interrupts. "Vamp running from what?" So yes, gentle readers -- not only did I miss Rebekah's meaning, I missed it when Caroline restated it and made it all the more clear. Even though I watched twice before writing the recaplet. Suck. The game is this. Rebekah compels Tyler to turn. Since she's exhausted their knowledge and she now has Shane, they're just competition for the cure. She wants to get it first, because she wants control over whether it is used, saved or destroyed. Just catching up, Tyler says, "If I turn, I'll kill them." That's sort of the point, Pudding Pup. Again Rebekah orders Tyler to turn, then walks out of the library. Elena and Caroline look at Tyler and we cut to commercial.
Lake House. Once Matt finds his phone, Pizza Woman vamps out and attacks him. Jeremy races to the rescue and stakes her in her ample bosom. I really wish the vampires on this show turned to dust. Damon appears to find Jeremy with blood on his hands. The novice hunter holds out his arm to watch as the mark only he can see grows up his forearm.
School. Bonnie enters a science classroom to find April, who asks her how she knew that everyone was there. Bonnie says she didn't. She came to find Shane. When April asks if Bonnie did a locator spell to find him, Bonnie is taken aback. April says her new BFF Rebekah explained it all like a thousand-year-old Clarissa, and tells Bonnie about Rebekah's Breakfast Club games. "She's getting them to actually tell the truth for a change." Bonnie worries because Shane can't be compelled. She'll have to torture him to find out what he knows. Bonnie gets salt and magically lights it on fire. Saying the HUMAN BONE pendant will connect her to Shane, Bonnie casts an Expression protection spell.
Rebekah looks on as Kol waterboards Shane and demands to know the location of the cure. Back in the science lab, April starts coughing. Meanwhile, Rebekah asks Shane why, as a human, he even wants the cure. Shane says, "That's the beauty of this. You can have it. I just want Silas." Um... why wouldn't he say that before the torture began? Whatever.
Kol is startled at the mention of Silas's name and wants to know what Shane knows about Silas. Shane exposits that he's the world's first immortal, who just happens to be imprisoned with the cure. When Shane says he want to free Silas, Kol resumes the water boarding. Back in the lab, April starts coughing up water. When Rebekah stops Kol, April starts breathing again.
While Kol is alarmed by the mention of Silas and says he'll kill them all, Rebekah writes him off as a fairy tale, but Shane insists he's very real and Shane knows where he's buried. Kol thinks Shane is fronting and doesn't have the means to get to Silas, until Shane babbles on about having the tombstone and getting dozens to die in a blood sacrifice. Rebekah realizes he's the one who got the Council blown up. Shane says, "It was a noble sacrifice and temporary, because once I raise Silas, Silas will raise the dead. He will bring back every last soul who died on his behalf." Kol grabs a nearby rod. Shouting, "No!" he shoves it into Shane's gut.
Back in the lab, blood oozes from April's midsection. Bonnie says, "Oh my God," as she tries to keep April from falling. And in the supply closet, Shane falls to the floor and plays possum.
Meanwhile, in the library, Tyler knocks down rows of books as his painful transition begins. He thinks he can fight it, but soon his bones start breaking. When his eyes turn lupine, he orders his friends to get out. Stefan shuts the doors behind them, as Caroline runs off to the left. Elena knows the doors won't hold Tyler. As she and Stefan run off to the right, Tyler bursts through the doors. Once they make it through another set of doors, Stefan shuts them and secures them by sticking a fire axe through the handles. When Tyler pushes against the doors, they realize the axe isn't going to do the trick. Elena rips off the door to a nearby locker and shoves it through the handles. She and Stefan push against the doors until Tyler's growls stop. Nobody worries about Caroline.
Supply Closet. Rebekah is furious that Kol killed her only chance at a cure, but Kol says, "Silas on the loose would be hell on earth. And frankly, sister, I don't think you could handle it." To prove his point, he pulls out the Son of White Oak stake. Rebekah asks how he got it. Kol says, "Way too easily," and walks off. Leaving Shane lying on the floor, Rebekah follows her brother out the door. It's then that Shane opens his eyes and gasps in pain. Sitting up, he pulls the rod out of his gut and whispers, "Bonnie."
Science Lab. Bonnie is kneeling over the unconscious April and crying for help when Elena and Stefan find her. As Bonnie explains that she did a protection spell that linked Shane to April, Stefan bites open his wrist and feeds the poor girl his blood. When Elena wonders why Bonnie couldn't control it, Bonnie says that usually she bleeds or feels pain during a spell, but this time she just felt more power. When April wakes with a gasp, Stefan holds her and tells her it will be okay, and then tells Bonnie to get April out of the school. "Just be careful. Tyler is out there and he turned." So maybe now isn't the best time for Bonnie and April to leave. I mean, we know it's going to be okay, but clearly Stefan doesn't. This exit feels so inorganic to the plot. When Bonnie wants Elena and Stefan to come with her, Elena explains that Rebekah has compelled them not to leave. Stefan tells Bonnie to go. They'll deal with Rebekah later.
Once they're alone, Elena tells Stefan they have to talk about "this." Stefan refuses. "How many more ways are there for you to rip my heart out?" When Elena says she's sorry, Stefan wonders if she's sorry it happened or just that he found out. Elena says she's sorry about all of it. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't want that." They're interrupted by Rebekah who asks, "Why are my least favorite people always the most durable?" Oh word, right?
Meanwhile, Caroline enters the gym. Tyler is back in human form, lying naked on the floor in front of his mother's memorial table. In a nod to just how seriously Mystic Falls takes fire safety, the candles on the table are still burning. Oh, maybe this is a vampire safety plan instead. Maybe those in the know purposefully flout fire safety, in hopes that they can decrease the town's vampire infestation. No, wait. Liz is one of the few in the know and she wouldn't want Caroline to die in a fire. Ah well, that the candles are still burning is a mystery for the ages, but it's a pretty one that shines a soft, warm glow on this touching scene. Caroline covers Tyler with a table cloth, sits to him and holds him in her arms. As she rubs his head and kisses him, Tyler says he's sorry. Caroline says it's not his fault. Tyler says it's all his fault. Now he's speaking of his mother. "I should have saved her." Caroline just rocks her boy and holds on tight.
Science Lab. Stefan asks Rebekah to leave Elena out of this. "This is between me and you." Rebekah laughs. "You're still protecting her. Must I rip your bleeding heart out of your chest and show you the scar tissue that is Elena Gilbert." I wish Katherine could be here, because she'd enjoy this scene. When Elena winces at this, Rebekah approaches her. "There's a solution to all your problems, you know. I could compel him. Erase every memory he has of you. Every day you spent together. Every kiss. Every lie. Every ounce of pain. I can take every bit of love he has for you. Give you both a clean slate. Just say the word and I'll make you and all that misery you've caused him disappear." Behind Rebekah, Stefan says, "Do it." Elena's eyes fly open wide. Rebekah is almost as surprised. Stefan again tells Rebekah to do it. She giggles at him and refuses. It would be far too easy. "I refuse to make you forget her, the way Klaus made you forget me." Turning to Elena, Rebekah smiles and says, "At least you know how he really feels." Rebekah tells Stefan that his eternal pain is her revenge. "I've used you for all you're worth, so now you're free to go."
Alone with Elena, Stefan looks at her, nods, then turns and heads for the door. He ignores Elena when she asks him to wait. Elena follows him out into the hall, but Stefan never turns around. Good for you, Stefan!
Shane's Office. Shane is putting on an unimpaled shirt when Bonnie finds him. Shane says Kol is going to be a problem, but Bonnie's a little more disturbed that her protection of him could have killed April. Shane says that's only because Bonnie doesn't know the extent of her abilities. I thought she graduated, Shane! Bonnie backs away from him. "My father just became mayor. I can't be out doing black magic." As Bonnie walks toward the door, Shane calls after her. "That's not what Expression is." Shane lies that Expression is just a way of doing magic that isn't monitored by the spirits. Okay, that's probably not a lie, but his words are, "It isn't good or bad." Since it involves dozen of blood sacrifices to juice it up, I can't believe you. Bonnie, you don't know about that, because the Salvatores seldom talk to you like you're a real human being and are only interested in your magic to the extent that they can force you to use it to save Elena or help them out of some other jam. Still, you know you're wearing a HUMAN BONE amulet, so now that Shane is saying that Expression "Has no limits," I hope your Spidey-sense is tingling. Shane says he's there to help Bonnie and tells her she's the key to everything. "I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you." Bonnie searches his face as she tries to make up her mind. We cut to the...
Lake House. Exterior. Damon is in the woods burying Pizza Woman, when his phone rings. Oh wow, my son texted me just as I typed those words. It kind of freaked me out. My son is only texting me, though. He isn't calling Damon. Thank goodness. It's Elena. Damon says, "I hope your day is going better than mine. I've gotta say, I like the odds." Don't play the lottery, Damon.
We cut to Elena, who is sitting on the porch at Gilbert Gables. "Stefan knows about us." Damon asks how he took it, but Elena only answers, "How do you think?" Damon: "I'm thinking that for the first time all week, I'm happy to be at Camp Nowhere." When Elena asks how Jeremy is, Damon says that depends on how much she trusts him (Damon). Elena tells him he knows she trusts him and thanks him for taking care of her little brother. Damon lies that he's going to buy the guys ice cream and says he has to go. Elena says, "Not yet. Something happened today. I realized something about you -- about us. And you can say that it's the sire bond. You know what -- maybe -- maybe it is, but I'm telling you, it's the most real think that I've ever felt in my entire life. I love you, Damon."
Uncharacteristically wordless, Damon looks around as if he's trying to convince himself he is awake. Again, Elena says, "I love you." Damon finally speaks. "Look. I'm going to get this cure for you. And I'm gonna have to do things you don't like." He ignores Elena when she tries to interrupt him. "But listen carefully. Get in your car. Right now. Come to me." Elena smiles. "I'll be there soon." When she hangs up, we cut back to Damon who turns his gaze to the heavens, then finally smiles. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Rebekah barges in, but it seems Stefan invited her over. When she asks if she should be checking for hidden daggers, Stefan asks her if she still wants to find the cure. Rebekah says, "More than anything. I want to ram it down Niklaus's throat and look into his eyes as he's mortal again, but Shane's dead and you are useless, so I'm right back where I started." Stefan explains that Shane isn't dead, thanks to Bonnie's protection spell. Rebekah knows Stefan didn't have to tell her that, so she asks why she's really there. Stefan says, "You were right. I'm gonna be here for an eternity and I will go insane if I don't know how Elena truly feels about my brother." Rebekah tells Stefan that Shane has a dark agenda. "He said he organized dozens of people to die in sacrifice. He admitted to the Council explosion where 12 people died and I'm guessing it's not a coincidence that 12 hybrids died at the hand of my brother."
After taking everything in, Stefan FINALLY puts two and two together. "Twelve. Channeling the energy from a mass death is used in witchcraft to perform dark spells. It's called Expression. Shane admitted all this to you?" Rebekah says, "Proudly." Stefan: "Well, I guess we'll have to figure out how to manage him when we find the cure for ourselves." When Rebekah says there is no "we," Stefan reminds her that they each hate their own brothers; Damon has Jeremy; Klaus had the sword; Shane has Bonnie. Stefan and the Beckster are the only ones left with nothing. Whoever finds the cure first controls its use. "What do you say?" Do you want to be partners?" Oh Rebekah, normally, I'd be on Stefan's side, but I just hate to see you get played yet again. It makes little sense to me that Stefan went to Rebekah, rather than to Bonnie and Shane -- at least before this scene -- before he know about the Expression magic. I sure hope he tells Bonnie what's the what with that stuff. We cut to the...
Mystic Grill. April is meeting with the Sheriff and Mayor. She insists her father had no reason to kill himself and eleven other people. He must have been brainwashed into it. "Professor Shane organized his death and the eleven others who died with him." Wait, how does she know? Oh well, whatever. Let's just assume Rebekah caught her up to speed. Rudy and Liz look at each other. April says, "It's time this entire town started telling the truth." We cut to another town, where it's time for something else.
Lake Town. Zanadew Lounge exterior. Zanadew. Oh my word. Inside the bar lie various bodies. Their necks are covered in blood. When Damon, Matt and Jeremy enter, they find Klaus sitting at the bar. "I was beginning to worry you boys wouldn't find the place. Matt seems to be the only one of the training trio who finds this disturbing. "What the hell? Did you kill all these people?" Klaus smiles. "Not exactly. They're in transition." He looks at Jeremy. "Killing them is your job." Jeremy turns to Damon and says, "You said you were going to convince Klaus to do this another way." Damon says, "Well, I thought about it. And then I realized his idea was better." While Klaus smiles, Jeremy recognizes Damon for the monster he already knew him to be. As Klaus raises his glass and takes a drink, Jeremy looks around. The transitioning vampires are starting to stir. Title card.
Well, Damon just lost Elena, but I'm a little glad he did thanks to that "Come to me" business. In our episode thread, one of the members posted a well thought out explanation for why she likes Damon's "Come to me." I understand what she means and don't even think she's wrong. It just would have worked better for me had Damon instead told Elena he wants her to do what she wants to do, and what she thinks is best for her and only her. But it doesn't matter now. Elena would or will be appalled if/when she learns that Damon sacrificed all those lives, to get the cure for her. At least -- I hope she will be. And before you think I'm being unfair to Damon, please know I remember that before they broke up, Stefan was willing to turn people in order to grow the hunter's mark, too. If he's any "better" in this situation, that's only because he didn't have the chance to be bad. Run away, Elena. Run away from pretty much everyone in that town, but maybe save Matt from these people, too. Bonnie's wrapped up in a horrible mess. Caroline sees you as a ninny who needs to be shielded from the truth, controlled and is willing to betray your confidence. Both of your boyfriends are monsters. Your brother is too dangerous to be around and let's not even start on the Originals. I'd tell you to take Tyler with you, but that seems as unwise as taking Jeremy. Grab Matt. Run. Run away and never look back.
I'm going to leave things here. I will be back Friday morning with coverage of "Catch Me If You Can." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where I am vamp running in place to atone for my sins.
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