In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I feel like I need a shower. I feel like I need a shower and then need to take aside my newly 14 year old daughter and explain to her, scene by scene, just how horrifying the messages of "We'll Always Have Bourbon Street" really are. I have a deadline though, and she has to get to bed, so I'm going to practice my introduction on you fine folks.
One of the reasons I'm going to practice my introduction on you fine folks is because what I saw on Twitter after the episode was every bit as disturbing as what I saw in "We'll Always Have Bourbon Street." First there were the fans hellbent on "slut shaming" Elena, because this adult woman has sex with someone for whom she has profound and longstanding feelings. "Slut shaming" is deplorable, but you know that, right?
It's not the only thing that's deplorable, though. Some fans revolted against the "slut shaming." At first, they made me cheer. At first. But then their conversation veered from criticism of "slut shaming" straight into what I'm going to call "virgin shaming." "Virgin shaming" is as reprehensible as "slut shaming," and if you don't know that, you need to.
Listen up, people. That second line of attack is as bad as the first, because both do exactly the same thing. If you're "virgin shaming," you are judging a woman's worth and wisdom based on how she conducts her sex life. In other words, you are doing EXACTLY THE SAME THING AS SLUT SHAMING. Shame on you.
Shame on every single point in this story, in which the men control the women (Damon with Charlotte and Elena; Shane with Hayley and Bonnie; Tyler with Kim, etc.). Oh hell. I'm too angry to write anymore. I'm going to go watch something funny, get up early and finish this up before my morning deadline. Pleasant dreams, my dears. Pleasant dreams, but please remember, when you attempt to measure a woman's worth by counting how often she spreads her legs, you're saying a lot more about yourself than you'll ever know about that woman.
Six hours later...
All right. You probably want to know what happens in "We'll Always Have Bourbon Street," so let me get to that. We open in Mossy Manse on the morning after "My Brother's Keeper." Damon and Elena make love, and again their love scenes are intercut with Caroline bemoaning the sire bond. If you read last week's recap, you know how I feel about that. After, Elena tells Damon they need to let Stefan know they are involved. Damon agrees, but he begs for one secret, perfect day before they have to hurt his brother -- whom they both love so. Elena disagrees at first, but eventually gives in. I want it to be important that she expresses her disagreement. It may end up being so, but it isn't important in this episode.
Stefan arrives home as Elena is leaving for school. Once she's gone, Stefan tells Damon about Caroline's sire bond theory. Damon pooh poohs it, but agrees to conduct Stefan's suggested test: encourage Elena to try bagged blood again. To his credit, Damon heads straight to Mystic Falls High School, asks Elena to give bagged blood another shot for his sake, and dies a little inside when she not only fails to vomit, but decides it tastes just like blood from the vein.
Stefan finds Damon back at Mossy Manse poring over his souvenirs from his time in New Orleans, circa 1942. He met a woman there, Charlotte, and got along so well with her that when she asked him to turn her, he did. It soon became apparent she was sire bound to him because everything he told her to do, she did to a fault. He found a witch, Valerie (and yes, she was African American) and enlisted her to help him break the bond. The problem was, Valerie claimed she needed him to sacrifice 12 human souls to power the spell.
Damon killed the dozen humans, but then the witch flaked out on him, so before he left New Orleans, he told Charlotte to count every single brick in the city and then meet him on their favorite street corner. And yes, these 70 years later (plus or minus, since I have no idea what year it is in Mystic Falls, now), that's exactly where Damon and Stefan find Charlotte. She helps them find the witch's shop. The woman behind the counter claims to be Valerie's great-granddaughter, Nandi. Nandi says she only deals in herbal medicine and fake witchy-woo for the tourists. She claims her great-grandmother's grimoire was lost during Hurricane Katrina, so she can't help them with their sire bond problem.
Damon knows Nandi is lying, so he and Stefan double back to the shop. Damon realizes that Nandi isn't Valerie's great-granddaughter, but rather, she is her daughter, so even though she only looks about 50 years old, she's closer to 80. Nandi schools Damon and Stefan on the darkest of arts practiced by Valerie. It's called Expression, which is not natured-based. Instead, it draws its power from sacrificed humans. Put a pin in that fact and let's move forward, yes? Anyhow, Valerie duped Damon into killing a dozen victims, not so she could break the sire bond's hold over Charlotte, but so that she'd have plenty of juice for her bad mojo.
Stefan plays good cop to Damon's bad. When Nandi inflicts Damon with a mystical migraine, Stefan sweet talks her into helping them. They don't want to hurt her, they just want to free Elena from Damon's thrall. Nandi explains to the boys that the only way to break the sire bond is to set the afflicted party free. The problem is, at least according to Nandi, that means saying goodbye forever. The sire bond develops between a newbie vampire and her sire only if the newbie had real, human feelings for the vampire -- even before she turned. At least Damon gets to know that Elena's feelings for him are not a product of the sire bond. Poor Pixie Monster. He should get some brownie points for not immediately turning to Stefan and letting out a loud, "HA!"
Disturbed by the sad life Charlotte has lived as a vampire, Damon immediately sets her free. He then steels himself for exiting Elena's life in the same fashion. I have things to say about this. I can't help wonder if Charlotte didn't go off the deep end because while she loved Damon, and he was fond of her, he didn't return her love. See, I can't help but think that Damon's love of Elena seems to control his actions nearly as much as the sire bond influences Elena. I hope to expand on that idea in the full recap.
Back in Mystic Falls, Damon finds Elena, who has had just as bad a time as he. She held a girls' night with Bonnie and Caroline, during which Caroline was overcome by her judgmental side. After crapping all over Damon (and calling his past sex partners "skanks"), even though Elena asks her to refrain, Caroline tells Elena about the sire bond. Elena admits she's slept with Damon and is falling in love with him. Bonnie is concerned. Caroline is horrified.
During all this, we learn more about Professor Shane's involvement with Hayley. It seems he promised her information about her biological family, provided she present him with 12 hybrids who were no longer sired to Klaus. Including Tyler, Hayley already has 12 hybrids, but she doesn't want to turn Tyler over to Shane (could these 12 also be meant as a sacrifice).
Hayley and Tyler (who knows nothing of Hayley's deal with Shane) are un-siring their 12th man -- Adrian, who seems to be Kim's someone-special. Because Klaus was the hybrids' de facto alpha, now that they're sire-bond-free, this pack is in need of a new alpha. When Adrian can't deal with all the pain of transitioning enough times to break the bond, Kim takes his side and whisks him away from Hayley and Tyler.
Hayley encourages Tyler to put the girl in her place. Yes, I said those words, and in just that way because really, that's what this entire episode is about -- men putting women in their place. Don't tell me differently. I cut my teeth on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. At the Mystic Grill, Tyler exerts his dominance over Kim, who seems to fall in line, but instead, she and Adrian go to Mossy Manse and snatch Caroline.
Elena gets Tyler to help her rescue Caroline. On their way to the ranch, Elena learns that while the sire bond controls one's actions, it doesn't control one's feelings. In other words, even while obeying Klaus's orders, he actively hated his guts. Elena is relieved to know that whatever else the sire bond may be doing to her, it isn't duping her into falling in love with Damon. Those feelings are real.
In the barn, Tyler and Elena find Kim torturing Caroline. When Adrian points out that Klaus will be really upset if Caroline is hurt, Kim says that's one of the benefits of this exercise. Elena explains that Klaus is obsessed with keeping her alive, so if Kim really wants to get under Klaus's skin, she should free Caroline and torture Elena in her stead. During the switch, Tyler gets the upper hand, thrusts his fist into Kim's chest, grabs hold her of heart, speechifies about how, unlike Klaus, he'll be a benevolent leader, and then orders Kim to submit. She does so. On. Her. Knees. I throw up a little in my mouth.
Thank goodness Lexi appears in this episode's flashbacks. She is the only female character of note who isn't, in one way or another, being controlled by a man. I will save her for the recap, so we both have something to look forward to. Apropos of something else, I feel the need to note that at one point, Bonnie reveals that the form of magic Shane is teaching her is called Expression. Dun dun dun! Raise your hand if you think Bonnie is being unwittingly powered by the victims of the explosion that took place at Pastor Cliche's ranch. Yeah. Me, too.
Anyhow, back in Mystic Falls, Damon and Elena discuss the sire bond. He knows he has to set her free. Elena explains to Damon that her feelings for him aren't controlled by the sire bond, and does her best to remind him of what is real. Damon is still struggling with his conscience and his heart, when the episode closes.
While I don't mind Damon's part of his journey at all, I sort of hate it where it applies to Elena, because either way, her choices are going to be made for her -- by her man. If the sire bond isn't broken, even Damon's casual statements may well cause Elena to go 'round the bend in an effort to please. But Elena doesn't want him to shut himself out of her life, because she loves him (she doesn't say the L word, but I need the shorthand here). So, the only way she can be "free" is if she is not free to give her love to whom she chooses. O Agency, thy name is... well, I don't know exactly what your name is, but apparently it's not Elena.
I will be back with the full recap ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where nobody puts Baby in a corner!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Dear Daughter,
As I worked to find an angle for my "We'll Always Have Bourbon Street" recap, I realized I didn't even want to write it. Watching it hasn't made me immune to all its troubling issues; instead, it has made them all the more glaring.
After I showed you my recaplet on Friday afternoon, you said that you see my point about all the ways in which the male characters wield power over the female characters, but you don't think that is the point of the episode. I had a similar exchange with a young woman (older than you, way younger than I) on Twitter, who sees WAHBS as being more about power in general, rather than male power in particular. She doesn't think the male/female issues are the point.
You are right. She is right. You're both right. You're right, in that the episode isn't about sexual politics. And just as I'm sure Julie Plec and Co. are not raving racists, I'm equally certain they haven't set out to wreak some sexist agenda. That doesn't mean, however, that there aren't disgusting sexual politics on display in WAHBS. It doesn't mean there aren't feminist problems with WAHBS. It overflows with them. That you don't see it -- and that you don't think it matters -- is practically all I can think about. Because right now, I regret that I ever let you watch this show.
Perhaps it was the vampires that first tipped me off, but what Plec et al. are making here is art, not reality. I get that, I do. I more than get it -- I appreciate it. I don't want more reality; I get enough of that in... reality. I don't want them to turn this emotionally complex story into a feminist morality tale.
Furthermore, to my knowledge, Williamson and Plec never set out to do what Joss Whedon did with Buffy -- i.e. set up a pretty little blonde victim from monster movies of yore to take back the night -- so it's not like they're betraying their mission statement. And frankly, I don't mind a little sexism in my fantasy drama. That is to say, because fantasy characters live under impossible circumstances in fantastical worlds, we need some way with which to connect to them. A compelling fantasy drama -- one that works -- should evoke mundane, real-world emotions. Fantasy characters should still be people (not necessarily humans, but people) whose emotions, reactions and responses share something with our own. That's the only way they're going to resonate with us.
So my darling, darling daughter, while I'm okay with sexist fantasy peanut butter getting on my feminist fantasy chocolate, I am not okay with you taking a bite of a Reese's and mistaking it for a Hershey Bar. I mean, what if you develop a peanut allergy? Heck, you could go into anaphylactic shock. Here's one thing you need to know: Vampire stories are often seen as rape metaphors and when those stories involve compulsion (or thrall or, in this case, a sire bond) the metaphor becomes more vivid, even if there is no sex between a vampire and a human. One of the reasons Buffy Summers thrills me is not just because she's a strong female monster-killer, but because she is, in particular, a vampire slayer.
I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Look, like me, you've grown up with some pretty terrific men in your life, men who respect you as a human and as a woman. And I expect that most of the men you meet in your life will be in the same vein. But they won't all be. Some will be sexists. And the worst part of it is -- so will some women.
Daughter, while I'd rather you grew up in a world free from sexism, we don't live in that world. The obvious sexism in your future doesn't trouble me all that much. I'm already confident you know how to spot it. It is the unintentional sexism -- the mild sexism couched in pretty words and gentle gestures -- which worries me. Subtext is important, and I want you to be able to spot it and be on your guard.
You know, I've never been President George W. Bush's biggest fan, but he once used the phrase: "the soft bigotry of low expectations." I don't even remember the context, which is probably good because I'd likely get ranty about another subject entirely, and yet it's an otherwise great phrase and one that keeps coming to mind, here. It's unwitting, unintentional sexism that's so insidious, because it often goes unnoticed or is otherwise excused. So my girl (and yes, other feminists, I can call her that as she is still a minor and I call her brothers my "boys") take my hand and let me walk you down the garden path, so I can point out all the snakes hiding in the verge.
Damon wakes in an empty bed, but it's not empty for long. Elena bounds back in the room and joins him. They talk, kiss, cuddle and then have sex. Once again, their sex scenes are intercut with Caroline's rant to Stefan about Elena being sire bound to Damon, infusing the term "anti-climactic" a whole other layer of meaning.
The fact that Elena is having sex with someone who seems to be controlling her every action (albeit mystically and unwittingly) is the first disturbing element of the episode. It's also largely what the episode is about though, so it may surprise you to know that on one level, I mostly give it a pass. It is not anti-feminist to engage with such ideas and ask, "What if? What are the implications?" I do believe the writers want us to go there as we watch this. So there is a SNAKE, my girl, but it's not poisonous.
Like you, I'm someone who has been waiting for an exploration of the Damon/Elena side of the love triangle, so I am disappointed with how this love scene is presented, but only in a fannish way. That fannish, 'shippy element seemed so important during "My Brother's Keeper," but now, it doesn't even register.
SNAKE WATCH: What does register is that Stefan decides that he and Caroline should hide their sire-bond suspicions from Elena. Yes, they suspect Damon (whom they both look down upon, and not without some solid reasons) might be controlling Elena's actions, but they agree not to worry her pretty little head about it. Please note, this is a two-headed snake, as Caroline -- A WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN MYSTICALLY CONTROLLED BY DAMON AND USED AS A SEX SLAVE AND A FEED BAG -- willingly agrees to keep this secret from Elena. Blergh.
Barn. Tyler, Hayley and Kim look on as a male hybrid, Adrian (Micah Parker), suffers through another sire-bond breaking transition. When Adrian wants to give up, Tyler and Hayley try to convince him to continue, but Kim objects. To the show's credit, I cannot think of another werewolf story I've watched in which a female werewolf challenges the (always male and soon to be) alpha werewolf (i.e. Tyler; granted Klaus is the alpha for all sired hybrids, but later in this episode, Tyler discovers the newly free hybrids need an alpha because they're pack creatures). Kim even points out that breaking the sire bond is about free will.
SNAKE WATCH: Despite the lovely flower of a female challenger to the alpha, the argument she makes on Adrian's behalf boils down to this: why won't you let this brain washed person exert his free will? Um, you know what you just said, right?
Mossy Manse. Elena is leaving for school. She thinks she and Damon should let Stefan know that they are now involved. Damon understands and agrees, but he wants to enjoy one secret, selfish day before they break Stefan's heart. Elena argues with Damon at first, which makes me happy, but it doesn't take him much cajoling to get her to change her mind. Elena agrees and, of course, as soon as she opens the door, there's Stefan. Elena says she'll see him in history -- like these kids actually go to class, even when they go to school.
Alone with his brother, Stefan tells Damon they need to talk. Damon laughs off the idea of Elena being sire bound to him. Stefan tells Damon to ask Elena to drink from a blood bag, tell her it will make him happy and see what happens. If her body doesn't reject bagged blood, they'll have some proof she's not sire bound.
SNAKE WATCH: Elena's former and current lovers agree to keep secret from Elena a very important fact about Elena. This is the same kind of two-headed Don't bother her pretty little head about it snake we've already seen in this episode. This time though, both heads are male.
School. Bonnie, Caroline and Elena catch up on Elena's living situation. Elena proposes a girls' night. Bonnie mentions that Shane is teaching her spells. Caroline gets judgmental. Elena calls her on it. As they firm up their plans, Elena spots Damon down the hall.
Elena finds Damon in what appears to be a biology classroom. I object. All of Damon's scenes at MFHS should involve Alaric's classroom. That's not a snake, it's just a gnat. Damon gives Elena a blood bag and suggests she gives it another try. He really thinks it will work. When she's hesitant, he cocks his head and says, "Please, for me." Elena drinks. The blood tastes like blood rather than hot garbage this time. Elena is overjoyed she no longer has to hurt people in order to feed. She throws her arms around Damon's neck and thanks him. He looks properly disturbed. Before we get to the snake, is that another gnat I see? I need to re-watch and haven't had time to, but when Elena drank Damon's blood a few weeks back, why did she puke it up? After all, she drank his blood at his urging.
SNAKE WATCH: The obvious snake here is the sire bond, rearing its ugly head. As I said earlier, I don't consider it venomous in and of itself, because that's the point of this storyline -- exploring what the sire bond does to a vampire. The hidden snake in this case -- as in most of the other male/female interactions in this episode -- is the male who is in control. There's too much of that here for me. Had there been some balance (and I pray it comes later in the season), I think this episode would have tasted less like hot garbage to me.
Professor Shane's Office. Hayley is rifling through Shane's office when he walks in. She tells him Adrian is giving them trouble. Shane isn't concerned, because he needs twelve hybrids free of Klaus's sire bond and they've already got that. Hayley, to her credit, tries to assert herself. She already told Shane Tyler is off-limits. Shane holds up a USB stick and says everything she wants to know about her biological family is encrypted on it. Once she delivers him 12 free hybrids, he'll turn it over to her.
SNAKE WATCH: Hayley starts out looking like she's in a partnership with Shane, but it's clearly an uneven one. He's older than she, at least in appearance -- a man to her "girl," if you will. Also, he's keeping information about Hayley from Hayley. The difference is, he lets her know he's keeping it and wields it like a whip to induce her to do his bidding.
Mossy Manse. Caroline calls Stefan and exposits about the sire bond as it pertains to Klaus and his hybrids. They're grateful they no longer have to endure the pain of wolfing out. To break the bond, they have to transition until the process is no longer painful. Once they're in control of their own lycanthropic nature, they are no longer controlled by their gratitude to Klaus. Tyler says there's no vampire equivalent. Tyler's a frickin' expert, now? Huh.
Mossy Manse. Stefan finds Damon digging through memorabilia of their 1942 stay in New Orleans. We flash back, as current day Damon reminds Stefan about Charlotte. The woman was crazy about Damon from the day they first met, so when she asked him to turn her, he did.
New Orleans. 1942. Damon asks Charlotte (Madeline Zima) whom she has chosen for dinner. She points out the (black, of course) singer/guitar player. Before Damon heads off to invite the musician to join them, he tells Charlotte to watch his drink. If anyone disturbs it, she is to show no mercy. When a clumsy sailor knocks into the glass, Charlotte snaps his neck. What's worse is that she's too bound to Damon to comprehend his shock and displeasure at the fact that she just murdered someone in full view of a bar packed with people.
SNAKE WATCH: Do I even have to go there? Well, maybe I do. Okay, Charlotte is sire bound. Again, my only problem with that aspect is that it is again female vampire bound to a male. I wonder what the show could have done if it had a male bound to Damon or even if it had presented Damon as sire bound to Katherine. Granted, that second scenario would necessitate a slight alteration to the mythology (which we don't learn 'til later, but which I'd already figured out by this point in the episode; if you're in love with or at least have strong feelings for the vampire who turns you, you end up sire bound). They'd have to slightly alter any proposed solution on how to break the bond, but they could have come up with something. I'll try to remember to get back to that when it's more appropriate to the scenes at hand.
SNAKE WATCH cont'd: What's more disturbing to me is that Charlotte is so besotted (sire bound, whatever) that even once Damon shows he is shocked by her casual, public murder of the sailor, she's just a pretty face -- crazy about her man, yo! -- so she's too thick-headed to understand what she's just done. Forget the murder bit for a moment and just focus on the public aspect of it. Damon and Charlotte are not in a vampire bar. They're just in a bar. Vampires have to keep their killing and other feeding on the down low, but Charlotte just broke vampire safety rule number one and is such a crazy chick, she doesn't even get that. Yuck.
Back in the present at Mossy Manse, Damon and Stefan recap what we've just seen. Damon tells Stefan he found a witch to help him break "Fatal Attraction" Charlotte's sire bond. They're off to New Orleans.
Mossy Manse. Caroline and Bonnie arrive for their girls' night. Elena shows off her new ability to drink bagged blood and explains that Damon suggested she try it again. Caroline snarks on Damon. Elena asks her to lay off the hate. Bonnie breaks out her "spirit tea." Oh and daughter, we're going to have another one of our periodical (off TWoP) talks about alcohol, drugs and sex in Mystic Falls, because those are problems of a whole other variety. Caroline judges Bonnie for working with Shane, but then vows to lay off the judginess for the night. Her friends are free to ruin their lives as they see fit.
SNAKE WATCH: You have to look hard to see this one, but it's there and it is laying a lot of eggs. Even if we forget the sire bond, Caroline has every reason in the world to object to Elena's closeness (she doesn't yet know they're involved) to Damon, considering Damon attacked Caroline, compelled her, slept with her while compelling her, even if he never compelled her to have sex with him, he compelled her to not be afraid of him because he's a vampire, which really took away her free will to decide if she wanted to sleep with a frickin' vampire. He repeatedly hurt her and didn't even heal her with his own blood half the time. He had her walking around in a Damon daze. If memory serves, he was also using her to infiltrate Stefan and Elena's relationship or at least their lives. Since Elena is one of her best friends, it would not be beyond the pale for Caroline to ask, "How can you be so close with someone who abused me?" It makes me think the show doesn't want to go there, which is a pity. That would be a lot more interesting than this sire bond crap. The Vampire Diaries is rife with moral relativity, so I'm pretty sure this talented team could provide Elena with (valid to her) reasons for overlooking Damon's past abuse of Caroline (and the temporary murders of Jeremy and Alaric, and the mistreatment of Bonnie, and siring Abby and using Andi as a chew toy, etc. etc. etc.) -- even if those reasons amount to him being her stalwart for the last year and really trying to change.
New Orleans. Present. Damon and Stefan talk about how, back in 1942, Stefan joined the war effort, which Damon shirked. Yes, Show, let's make Stefan every bit as naggy as his new best friend, Caroline, because that's always fun to watch. Their conversation turns to how literal the sire bond is. Stefan blames it for Elena's feelings for Damon, conveniently forgetting about how he was well aware that Elena had feelings for Damon, even before she turned. The guys get snitty with each other, but then Stefan apologizes. We're ready for a flashback, but not until we've had another...
SNAKE WATCH: Damon and Stefan constantly discuss Elena as if she is an object, as if her love is owed to one of them. It has always driven me nuts. If she wants a boyfriend, maybe she should consider Matt... provided she can keep from killing him dead.
1942. Lexi convinces a uniform wearing (boy, he looks nice) Stefan to meet up with Damon and re-forge their relationship. It's a necessary step in his recovery. Oh, Lexi. I'm so glad to see you. None of these men are going to put you in a corner! Stefan and Damon make up in short order and it's smiles and hugs all around.
Stefan is shipping out to Egypt. Damon wants to join up and spend some quality time with his little brother. Stefan and he talk as if joining the military and being assigned anywhere is like getting a job at McDonald's, but I don't even have the patience to delve into that. The point is, once Stefan is out of earshot, Lexi makes it clear that Damon is not to accompany Stefan overseas. She says that back in 1912, when Damon pressured Stefan into once again drinking human blood, it kicked off his whole Ripper of Monterey phase. Stefan needs balance. He needs to see blood and death, but he's better off alone than in Damon's company. I can't go there, either. It's just so stupid. Why not have the recovering alcoholic tend bar?
Anyhow, simpering Charlotte shows up with another victim. He's not dead yet, but you could totally throw him in the cart. Stefan freaks out when he sees the victim bleeding. Lexi rushes him out of the bar. On her way out, she turns back to Damon and tells him that, like Stefan, Charlotte is better off without him, too.
SNAKE WATCH: Okay, so crazy stupid female is so crazy stupid that when Damon is late for dinner, she drags a bleeding, dying man into a bar. Ugh.
PLOT WATCH: So, we're supposed to believe that after Charlotte snapped the sailor's neck, Damon didn't use his sire bond powers to order her to be more careful about bringing victims into the public eye? Really? Yuck. Okay, moving along... the stated point of this scene is to show is that the longer the sire bond continues, the more harm it causes to the bound party. Story-wise, this is important because it is Damon's reason for wanting to free Elena. Aside from always wanting things with Elena to be "real," he also doesn't want her to turn into a psycho. Fair enough.
New Orleans. Present. Damon can't remember where the witch's shop was, so Stefan suggests they find Charlotte. Damon says that he last saw her at the corner of Bourbon Street and Dumaine. "I kind of told her to count every brick in every building in New Orleans -- that I'd meet her on the corner. I was gone by morning." Stefan heads off for the corner. Damon follows.
SNAKE WATCH: Okay, that's just gross. Crazy stupid Charlotte has spent the past 70 years (give or take) counting bricks, all because her man told her to. I know, I know. It's the sire bond. I hate this frigging story, daughter.
PLOT WATCH: Up until now, this story has indicated that Damon hired a witch to break the sire bond. All of a sudden, we're looking for (and will find) Charlotte, still counting bricks. Much later, we will learn that the witch never broke the sire bond, but at this point (on my first viewing) I was so confused.
Mystic Grill. Kim and Adrian are shooting pool on one side of the bar, while Hayley and Tyler talk about them on the other. Hayley tells Tyler that the free hybrids need an alpha. Kim is challenging him for that role. He'd better man up and put that bitch in her place. (Please note my use of "bitch" is to prove a point, daughter.)
SNAKE WATCH: You just read the above paragraph, right? I know you see the problem there. Okay, just in case you don't, here's another woman complicit in male domination of females. And worse, Hayley is doing this just so she can please Shane and get what she wants from him. And you know, what she wants isn't even a cure for a dying brother or whatever. She just wants to find her bio family. I'm not trying to minimize the desire some adoptees have to meet their biological parents, but none of the adoptees I know would turn over 12 unwitting people to a shady professor, just to get the information.
Tyler marches over and tells Adrian to go get some rest, so that tomorrow he can continue to break the sire bond. Kim strikes out at Tyler, but he quickly asserts his dominance. Kim puts her tail between her legs and agrees to get Adrian back to the stables, where Tyler and Hayley will join her later. After Tyler leaves, Kim informs Adrian that they're not going back to the stables -- they're going to go pick a fight.
SNAKE WATCH: You see, none of these plots by themselves would ping my sensitivity meter. It's mostly the fact that they're all presented together that makes me want to hurl. It's the combination of seeing these things all together: Elena is kept in the dark and Caroline goes along with that. Damon controls -- unwittingly and then unwillingly, granted -- both Elena and Charlotte. Shane manipulates Hayley to manipulate Tyler. Tyler lords it over uppity Kim. It's the combination. It is to barf, my daughter. It is to barf.
SNAKE BITE ANTIDOTE Dose 1: It occurs to me that aside from your rookie year in Little League (remember how horrible the boys were to you and to M and how blind the coach was to it) you haven't yet experienced or witnessed all that much significant sexism in real life, at least outside of what you see in the news. Maybe I cannot make you see this the way I do; maybe you need a couple of more decades before you're ready. Still, I feel it's my responsibility to point it out to you because there are plenty of women who remain blind to it their whole lives.
SNAKE BITE ANTIDOTE Dose 2: Daughter, you and your brothers are both my greatest gift and biggest responsibility. I know you're already disenchanted with The Vampire Diaries, because the Damon/Elena love story isn't going how you'd hoped. I feel a little bad that I'm further ruining your pretty, shiny thing. But you are important and are of inexpressible value, yet the world so often tells and will tell you exactly the opposite. When it isn't directly tearing you down, it often sows seeds that make you doubt yourself and your worth. I have known you, dear girl, since I first felt you quicken in my womb. You are precious and priceless, because you are you and part of you is the fact that you're a female. That is a fact of your life. Being female is good. It is not something that needs to be controlled and put in its place. It is not a flaw. It's not secretive and manipulative. It's not crazy. It's not stupid. It's not weak. It's not lesser. It is not dirty. It is not ugly. It is great and wonderful. Not enough people will make that point to you in your life, but I'll be damned if I fall down on the job.
Mossy Manse. Stefan asks Damon what they'll tell Elena. Damon was hoping they wouldn't tell her anything and Stefan says they can't just lie to her. Damon thinks of it as serving the greater good, but Stefan accuses him of serving himself. Damon says the only reason Stefan wants to break the sire bond is to restore Elena to her original "Team Stefan factory settings." He tells Stefan to hunt him down once he stops being such a dick and swans off.
SNAKE WATCH: Elena is still just a holy grail to these two. You understand why that's wrong, right?
When Damon rounds the corner Charlotte charges at him and knocks him down. Thanks to his vampiric hearing, Stefan notes the commotion and Stealth Salvatores to the scene. He throws Charlotte off his brother, only to learn she had knocked him down to kiss him. Yes, even after 70 years of absence, the male power over this weak-willed female is just that potent. I know I should have put that in a "SNAKE WATCH" paragraph, but I've sort of lost the will to watch this anymore, so I'm doing what I can stomach and no more. It's so gross. It's all so gross it makes me miss the blood and gore. Stefan makes a point of highlighting the fact that despite Damon's earlier protests, the sire bond appears to be extremely literal.
Charlotte hangs all over Damon, who begs her to tell him that she's had a rewarding life, full of something other than brick counting. She says she has, but of course her sire has just told her to tell him that. She then says she's not crazy, which is what the crazy always say. Then she trots out this whole analogy about how counting bricks is the love song that reminds her of Damon, so she revisits it every once in a while. Stefan is appalled that she's been listening to the same "song" for 70 years. Right there with you, Mr. Secret Keeper -- I'm right there with you. Damon asks for Charlotte's help in finding the witch, Valerie.
Mossy Manse. There's a musical montage of the girls dancing drunkenly and shimmying for the camera. I will not dignify it with my attention.
Elena, Caroline and Bonnie's drunken antics are shown to us again. Is this a phone product placement? Is that why we just turned the camera in to the male gaze, Show? Ugh. Anyhow, the girls are in Damon's bathroom. Elena is sitting (clothed) in the tub (which is dry). After seeing video of herself zooping across the parlor, she says she looks like "Superman." Really, Writers? You couldn't even say, Wonder Woman, or even a more generic Super Hero(ine)? Elena praises the beauty of Damon's covet-worthy bathroom. I can't fault her for that. She's got eyes.
Anyhow, the conversation devolves into Caroline deeming Damon's past lovers "skanks." Elena takes offense. Caroline apologizes. Elena says, "Rip away, it's only Damon. Right?" Caroline: "Well, say what you want about Ripper Stefan. At least he wasn't a man slut." Bonnie gives Caroline the shut-up face, like you do. Elena reminds Caroline that she jumped into bed with Damon the moment she met him. When Caroline fails to point out that he vamped out on her that night and attacked her, and instead says something about not knowing he was a sociopathic narcissist. I quit. I frigging quit. No daughter (and no, Tubey) I don't mean I quit my job. I just mean I quit caring about this episode. Elena purrs that Damon's always been there when she needed him. Caroline snarks that he's just trying to get her to sleep with him. Elena says she did. She knows Bonnie and Caroline have issues with him, but she's happy and wanted to spend the night with her best friends so she could share her joy.
SNAKE WATCH: This is nauseating in so many ways, daughter. What's up with Caroline calling Damon's past partners skanks? She, of all people, knows there's usually a good deal of compulsion involved in Damon's non-Elena entanglements. Call him out for that. Not to mention, Caroline was once (before the compulsion) a woman who agreed to go to bed with Damon. And the worst thing Caroline can say about Damon is that he's a man slut? Really? I already went into how he attacked, compelled and abused her, so I'm not repeating it. But really, man slut is all she has to say? That's so disappointing. It's especially disappointing, because she acknowledges STEFAN RIPS PEOPLE UP AND PUTS THEM BACK TOGETHER, but in her eyes being a "man slut" is worse than that. You know, with just a few facts (enough of which are known to all three women in this scene, even if they're short on details), Caroline could have stated a solid case. Damon is a murderer. He's largely unrepentant about it. He thinks humans are lesser beings. He compels women to be his sex slaves and feed bags. He flies off the handle -- like he did the time he killed Elena's brother and all the times he killed Ric! Yes, but "man slut" is her critique. I thought Caroline stopped being vapid and petty when she finished puberty became a vampire. Bah.
New Orleans. Damon and Stefan go to the witch's shop. Nandi (Adina Porter) is behind the counter. Damon refuses to pretend he doesn't know about witches and tells Nandi about meeting the witch, Valerie (Takara Clark), who ran the shop years ago. Nandi says Valerie was her great-grandmother. We flash back to...
1942. Valerie tells Damon he needs dark, powerful magic to break the sire bond. Before responding, he takes note of Valerie's daughter. She's about 10 years old and is in the back room, writing. Anyhow, Valerie doesn't want money for the sire bond breaking spell. She needs the sacrifice of 12 human souls.
Present. Stefan -- who was willing to kill, in order to get the hunter's mark to grow and find a cure -- berates Damon for seeking a spell that involves human sacrifice. Nandi breaks it up by lying that there's no magic like that going on here. If there ever was, it was lost when Valerie's grimoire was lost in Hurricane Katrina. If a spell like that ever existed, it's gone for good.
Mossy Manse. Elena tells off Bonnie and Caroline and minimizes Damon's track record as "kind of spotty," then admits she's falling in love with him. Caroline blurts out that Elena isn't falling in love -- she's sire bound. Elena refuses to accept this at first, even when Caroline explains about the blood bags. At some point, Caroline suggests Stefan can confirm the theory. YES, BY ALL MEANS, THE SILLY GIRL WILL BELIEVE THE WISE MAN. Elena is understandably disturbed that her friend went to Stefan with this information. When Caroline insists that Damon took advantage of her, Elena orders her friends out of the house.
Elena marches to the front door and whips it open. Kim and Adrian are on the other side. They rush in and grab Elena and Caroline. Bonnie tries some magic, but all it does is make lights explode. I figured it would at least elicit some high pitched squeal that would drive the hybrids crazy, but no. Because hybrid (and werewolf) bites are fatal to vampires, Kim and Adrian have the upper hand. Bonnie stands down and stops her useless magic. The hybrids whisk Caroline away. Oh great. You know what that means, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
New Orleans. Out in the street, Damon insists Nandi is lying when she claims not to practice magic. Stefan asks if Damon killed the 12 people back in 1942. Damon did it and would do it again if it meant saving Elena. He asks Stefan if he's going to help him good cop/bad cop Nandi.
PLOT WATCH: It makes literally no sense that Stefan (particularly because he's objecting to the human sacrifice angle) doesn't ask Damon this: if the spell is so good, why did Charlotte spend the last 70 years counting bricks? I mean, we know the answer, because we watched the episode, but Stefan's still in the middle of it.
Mystic Falls. Woods. Tyler and Elena head to the ranch. Tyler explains that Kim is challenging him as an alpha. He needs to make her submit. Yeah, he says "submit," and it's not the only time he'll say it. Talk turns to Adrian's sire bond, which gives Tyler an opportunity to ease Elena's mind (and mine and yours, my daughter), a little. "Being sired doesn't mean you feel differently about someone. I hated Klaus, but I still did everything he said. The bond affects how you act, not how you feel." At least Elena has that.
New Orleans. Damon returns to the shop and calls out Nandi. He knows she's not Valerie's great-granddaughter, but rather her daughter who was present in the shop, when he sought the original spell from Valerie. We cut to a shot of little-girl Nandi writing her name on the paper. Back in the present, when Damon tries to get tough with 80-looking-50 Nandi, she inflicts him with a mystical migraine and despite the fact that I want Elena free of the sire bond, I'm so glad that this witch isn't letting Damon use her as his tool.
Stefan plays the good cop role and appeals to Nandi's better angels. They just need her help. Nandi says she cannot help. Valerie practiced an art way darker than magic. Witches call it Expression. It channels the power of human sacrifice, which calls on darkness that can't even exist in this plane without swallowing "it" whole. Valerie used Damon to get the power of the 12 sacrifices for her own purposes.
SNAKE WATCH: When sisters are doing it for themselves, they're clearly only doing it to be even more evil than what is inherent in their "factory settings." Bah!
Nandi goes on to explain that a vampire only bonds to her sire when she has human feelings for him -- feelings that predate her turning. Vampirism only heightens those emotions. Again, Stefan looks like it's news to him that Elena had feelings for Damon, last season. He should have read the recaps. Nandi says that in order to set free a sire bound vampire, the sire has to set her free. "Tell her to live her life without you. To never think of you again. To stop caring about you and then leave her. That's the only way around the sire bond."
SNAKE WATCH: Usually, when vampire stories talk about sires, the word is used only to define the older vampire who turns a human into a newbie vamp, so I don't cringe at the term. But because it's used in this whole "sire bond" sense in The Vampire Diaries, daughter, I want you to go look up the word sire and then you and I can have a good long talk about its meaning. Ditto the word, bitch.
Ranch. Yes, it's time for another Caroline-gets-tortured scene. No, I am not recapping it. Tyler and Elena show up. Tyler tells Kim that Caroline is on their team. Kim says Care Bear is on his team, not hers. Commercial.
Elena offers herself in exchange for Caroline. Oh yay! Compassion that finally means something. During the switch, Tyler grabs Kim, thrusts his hand into her chest and grabs onto her heart. He orders the other hybrids back and then tells them that while Kim put them all at risk today, he won't hurt her if you don't count that fact that he's literally holding her heart in his hand and squeezing it. He isn't Klaus. He doesn't torture and kill his own friends (except, again, for that uppity female who dares challenge him) to get what he wants. He blathers about breaking the sire bond and how they're free. They have to work together. He turns his attention to the uppity female. "No one can step out of line. Now you're either with me, or against me." He stares down Kim and says, "Submit. Submit or you die," and then drives Kim to her KNEES. Kim apologizes, so Tyler lets go of her heart. As she gasps for breath, he rises to his feet and towers over her. Kim trembles and cowers. For real. The rest of the hybrids (male and female) kneel before their new alpha, because he tamed the bitch. Vomit.
New Orleans. Damon tells Charlotte all the things Nandi told him to say in order to set her free. Massa is benevolent, you see? Vomit.
Outside, Damon finds Stefan and reports that he's freed Charlotte. Stefan blathers about how it must have been hard doing the right thing, especially when it's something he didn't want to do.
PLOT WATCH: Hello, writers. I know you want Stefan to get a dig in at Damon even while he prods him to do right by Elena, but can we wait until it's a sensible dig. Damon killed 12 humans in an effort to free Charlotte. And he certainly doesn't want her crazy ass following him around, now. He very much wants her free. Don't be cheap like that. Don't make Stefan cheap like that. Yes, let him be petty and judgmental and hurt and angry, but please don't make him stupid for the sake of a line that honestly isn't worth it.
Damon knows Stefan thinks he won't be able to do right by Elena. Hailing a cab, Damon tells Stefan one day he'll realize he doesn't know him as well as he thinks. We flash back to...
1942. Train Station. Lexi finds Damon, in uniform. She tells him that since he just killed 12 innocent people, there's no way that he's going overseas with Stefan. To service the Damon fans, the script has Damon say, "How do you know they were innocent?" Lexi knows manipulative writing when she sees it, so she ignores it and recounts how hard Stefan has worked to stop being a Ripper. If Stefan finds out about the 12 sacrifices, he'll want to know how Damon does what he does without guilt and he'll turn into the Ripper all over again. Damon says something about just needing his little brother. Lexi understands, but he's got to put Stefan before himself; he's got to let him go. Damon moves to the window and looks out at Stefan, waiting on the platform. "Good luck, brother." The Damon girls immediately start hating on Lexi, but I think she was being kind to Damon, if bossy. Damon didn't ever want Stefan to be a Ripper. Lexi has cause to suspect that Stefan will want to be a "regular" vampire like Damon is. Being around Damon will only make that worse. To save Stefan, Damon has to leave him. It sucks that Stefan gets no say in this, but I'm not worried about the boys this week, daughter. I'm just not.
SNAKE WATCH: To give the show its due, this is a nice parallel to Damon's current situation with Elena (and better constructed than the Klaus/Adrian one). However, Damon didn't have to leave Stefan forever. He had to avoid going to a bloody battlefield where surely he would feed, which would tempt Stefan to shut off his humanity and go all Ripper again. And truly, to give the show its due -- because I missed this parallel when writing the recaplet -- at least here is one instance of a man having too much influence (of whatever kind) over another man.
Back in the present. Stefan is touched by Damon's story. He admits he's jealous of Damon and Elena. After the sire bond is broken, if Elena doesn't feel the same about him, Stefan will accept her choice. The writers have Damon say something about the "dreaded C word." At this point, I think they're just trolling me.
Mossy Manse. Morning. Caroline enters and hugs Elena. She apologizes and I should probably recap the cuteness of this scene, but I'm too upset by the rest of it. Caroline promises to never again judge. And again I say, if Caroline had only talked to Elena about Damon's real flaws, rather than this "man-slut" nonsense, she'd at least have a valid point. It might not change Elena's feelings about Damon, but perhaps it would help these two friends mend their relationship in some way that is real and workable and not detrimental to their characterization.
Instead, as ever, this episode is all about the boys, because Elena's first concern is that Caroline not tell Stefan about Elena and Damon. UGH. Bonnie enters and asks her friends if they've made up. Caroline says, "Well, she saved my life in spite of me being the nasty, bad witch." Really, Caroline? That's your go-to insult and right in front of Bonnie, too? Daughter, remind me later to talk to you about how the "witch" label was usually thrown around by those who resented the power in women (and I don't mean magic). Elena says, "Thankfully, we had our good witch." To do what? To explode lightbulbs. Yeah, Bon, you really played a key role, this week, huh?
When talk turns to Bonnie and Shane, she explains the new magic he's teaching her. He calls it, "Expression." Dun dun dun. So, raise your hands if you think that Bonnie is unknowingly drawing on the power generated when Pastor Cliché blew up himself and the rest of the Council? Come on. Submit to my speculation. Submit. On your knees! No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that.
Shane's Office. Hayley is waiting and reports that they have 12 hybrids now. She wants to know where her parents are. Shane: "They're dead." Hayley: "You lied to me." Shane: "No, I didn't lie to you. I said I'd tell you where to find them." RECAPPER: "Die in a fire, Shane. Die in a fire." Hayley feels the same and reminds Shane he just picked a fight with a werewolf. Shane holds up the USB drive, which includes everything she wanted to know, including their burial sites. He tells Hayley: "I'm not declaring war here. Just because they're dead doesn't mean you can't see them again. [...] This is far from over, Hayley. We are the beginning." I have to say that, sexual politics aside, I'm excited about where the season seems to be heading. Could there be zombies?
Fortress Forbes. Stefan tells Caroline how Damon can break the sire bond. And he thinks he'll do it. Damon will do what he needs to do. Caroline almost spills the beans about Elena sleeping with Damon, but manages not keep a secret. Stefan adds that he thinks Damon loves Elena as much as he and he can't be selfish with her.
Damon returns to Mossy Manse and he and Elena admit they both had a horrible night. When Damon tries to break the news to Elena, she tells him she already knows she's "sired" to him. When she asks if there's a way to break the sire bond, Damon says, "Not exactly. That's why we need to talk." Elena tells him what Tyler said and that it doesn't control her feelings. In her opinion, nothing has changed, but of course that's because she didn't see how crazy the sire bond drove Charlotte. Damon knows everything has changed. Elena points out that Damon has changed too and she is happy with him. Damon: "You know what would make me happy? To know that this entire time that I've been completely in love with you -- that what you actually felt for me was real." Um, did you not just hear what she said about the sire bond as regards feelings, Damon? Elena insists it's real. She knows a break up is coming and asks him not to do this to her.
Damon raises his voice. "I don't want to do this, Elena. I'm not the good guy remember? I'm the selfish one. I take what I want. I do what I want. I lie to my brother. I fall in love with his girl. I don't do the right thing." When Elena's eyes plead with Damon, his voice drops to a whisper. "But I have to do the right thing, by you." Grabbing Damon's right hand, Elena places it over her heart. "Does this feel wrong?" When Damon gulps, Elena caresses his cheek. Does this feel wrong?" They're staring into each other's eyes as we fade to black.
Daughter, I think what I hate most of all about this episode -- at least as it stands now and maybe that will change -- is that the only way Elena can have free will is if her free will is taken from her. I know the writers are trying to draw a parallel between Adrian's predicament and Elena's. Yes, it hurts Adrian too much to break the sire bond, but break it he must. At the end of the day though, while Tyler is the pack's alpha, Tyler doesn't hold sire bond sway over Adrian, and Klaus is Adrian's alpha until the sire bond is broken. Adrian could have refused to transition until Klaus's hold was broken. And once it is broken, Adrian has the power to refuse Tyler. And Adrian hates Klaus. Adrian doesn't want to be with Klaus. Excuse me for jumbling all that, but I'm just that annoyed. Anyhow, Elena loves Damon. She wants to be with Damon. But the way this has been set up, the only way to give her back her free will is for Damon to shut himself out of her life. The Stefan parallel worked better, but even then only because the writers didn't delve into the story. I have no reason to believe that if Lexi and Damon had said to Stefan, "It's too risky at this point in your recovery, for you to spend time among the bleeding, with a vampire like Damon, who doesn't go all Ripper," Stefan would have seen the wisdom of that point and agreed that Damon shouldn't accompany him overseas. It's not like Stefan went to New Orleans because he wanted to get Damon to come with him overseas. He just went to make up with him as part of his Ripper 12 Steps.
Honey, I know, like me, you're wondering why Damon can't just trying saying something like, "Don't be sire bound to me anymore. What will please me the most if you make your own decisions. Sure, I want us to consult each other and hear each other out, but don't let me make up your mind. Weigh all sides and do what you think is right, just like you did when you were human even though that always drove me crazy." Along with us, 90% of the fandom is wondering why he can't try that. And since it has occurred to so many of us, that tells me it's too easy an out. Unlike you, I don't even care about the romance right now. I just hate that the only way Elena can be "free" is if she is not free to give her love to whom she chooses, someone who loves her in return. I hope that will change -- either the story or my feelings about it. I fear the only way to change it will, in fact, be curing Elena of vampirism, which just makes me feel like we're wasting our time.
Right now, I'm trying to remind myself that I usually don't care what happens in a story, provided it is well told. I'm going to try to forget all the sickening sexism rippling under the surface (and right atop it with all that "submit" crap) and wait for the episode. No matter what happens, please consider this an open conversation because I suspect you're going to be hearing a lot of it from me, daughter; every Thursday for the rest of the season. On the bright side, maybe this time you'll be grateful for the hiatus, because at least I'll stop talking sexual politics to you. I love you, dear.
Love,
Mom
P.S. One last plot point. If both Stefan and Damon were in love with Katherine when she turned them, why weren't they sire bound to her? Okay, I know it's rare, but didn't we just learn it occurs when a human is turned by a vampire he or she already loves? Is it supposed to be rare among humans who love vamps and are then turned? I might have liked this business a whole lot better if the sire mythology was changed slightly such that the boys were bound to Katherine and the ensuing 150 years that she was gone freed them from it, or if it's because she wasn't there to help them when they were newbies that they never imprinted on her, or something. I just had a delicious thought. What if they are sire bound to Katherine? Or rather, what if they're sired to the Petrova Doppelgänger, but because Elena was the first doppelgänger they spent time with after being vamped, they're sired to Elena? That could explain so much, Show. If you do that, I might forgive you sooner.
I will be back Friday with coverage of "O Come, All Ye Faithful." Oh great, Show. I can't wait to see if you crap all over one of my favorite Christmas Carols. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where nobody puts Baby in a corner!
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your show starts.