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It's pathetic when a mother of three is sitting in her living room watching a teen vampire show featuring a keg party and has to pause it to say, "Oh no you didn't." But you know, like the kids do (or did… I don't even think anyone says that anymore), where it comes out like Dih-Ent, which it totally Dih-Id, because Rebekah RIPPED OUT MY PUDDING POP'S HEART. And possibly mine.
Okay yes, I know Matt's murder was only Rebekah's werewolf venom-induced hallucination, but here's how it played out at my place. As soon as Matt's heart was in Beckster's hand, I paused the TiVo, looked over at my sputtering daughter and did the Dih-Ent thing. Once my girl finished WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT-ing, I managed to stammer out, "It-it's the stuff… the-the Tyler tooth juice… um, the werewolf venom. It's making her hallucinate, right? RIGHT?" But still. A half-hour later, my chest still hurts a little, so Julie Plec, Brian Young and whichever other diabolical creatures are responsible for this sharp decline in my health, what I'm saying is -- you'll be hearing from my estate.
But you, gentle readers, you came to read about "The Rager," rather than read about my during-show raging. The episode has been over for an hour and a half now (I took a break) and I still can't collect my thoughts, so this one is more of a review spew than a recaplet. "The Rager" is a breathless hour of TV. Elena's still feeding off Matt, but her hunger is growing as is her rage. Stefan is trying to get her to have a little fun, but he's Stefan so he can only help so much in that department. Besides, Elena's a little preoccupied with her secretish plot to kill Rebekah, who -- at one point -- throws Elena's daywalker ring down the garbage disposal. And you know I love Elena, but I'm just going to admit right here that I was a little appalled that she starts out so angry at Rebekah, who killed her, sure, but then turned around and saved her unlife.
Hunter Connor Jordan is still on the prowl, but instead of trying to kill Tyler yet again, he instead injects him with a paralytic and then draws werewolf venom out of the boy's gums. He'll later use it to spike some beer kegs (no, I don't know how he knew which kegs were going to Becky's party), in an effort to exterminate the Mystic Falls vampire infestation. Efficient. Connor says that since Jeremy can see his tattoo, it means that he too (the Germ) is a born vampire hunter. Buffy never had a tattoo like that, but she did have a Principal, who reminds me of Connor. I'd have some white liberal guilt about having one strong, handsome, determined, bald, black vampire hunter remind me of another, but since I think I'm looking at Anna every time I see April, I suspect this is more about how my brain is over-associative. Yes, that's a thing. You just read it on the Internet, so it must be true.
I think my favorite thing about "The Rager" is its relationship shell game aspect. Hayley (Phoebe Tonkin), a beautiful young werewolf, arrives in town. She's a member of the pack Tyler crashed with when he was trying to break the Klaus sire bond. It doesn't take Klaus long to twig to the fact that Tyler and Hayley had a little thing going on. And you'd think the main point of this is to give Klaus a better shot with Caroline and I suppose it is… except there is also palpable warmth between Stefan and Caroline, tonight. I'd forgotten how well the latter two played off each other when Caroline was a baby vamp, but it all came rushing back tonight and not just because the Exposition Fairy played a visit, but also because there's definite chemistry there.
Stefan and Damon are still on the outs and Stefan feels that without Damon to pull him back from the edge, he might not be well-suited to teaching Elena how to enjoy vampirism, because that makes him want to enjoy it and he enjoys it by ripping people apart, putting them back together and throwing out cell phones. No, I'm never going to completely ditch that gag. But back to the 'ship shake-up -- Caroline promises to be there for Stefan and keep him well from the edge. Because of the rift between the Salvatore boys, when Damon gets in a fix, he refuses to call Stefan and instead appeals to Meredith and there are some sparks there, too. Plus, Damon teams up with Klaus, to confront Connor and I can't decide if I like it better when Damon and Klaus are fighting each other or fighting crime. Having just watched The Avengers though, I'd like to see them both in Captain America suits or perhaps the Thor costume, which, incidentally, would honor Klaus's roots.
Elena knows she's going to need Damon to teach her how to be a vampire, because she can't unlive in the hyper-controlled way Stefan does, which she finds out when she almost kills Matt while he's voluntarily feeding her. Oh and by the way, that was my second heart attack of the evening, because even once it sunk in my head that Rebekah didn't kill Matt, I kept thinking that Matt still may not be long for this world and if the show kills him off this season, well I… can't even. That is not a dare, Julie Plec. So yeah, Elena starts hurting Matt and gets way too rough with him, making me sure (for a moment) that the show is going to go just that dark, have Elena lose it and kill Matt. I could go for that (the darkness, not the Mattlessness) had Stefan not spent these first three episodes hammering in how Elena's compassion will torment her, if she kills someone. She may kill someone, but were she to kill Matt Donovan she'd never get over it. It would make her become as depressing as hell and I'd probably have to quit my job. So yeah, I'm glad Damon zoops in and saved Matt's life above and beyond the fact that no one ever should kill my Pudding Pop. Ever. Not even writers. Are we clear? Oh, but in all the infarction, I forgot to mention there are also Matt/Elena vibes in "The Rager," and I'm thinking they are intentional, since Matt calls attention to the fact that they've chosen their old make out spot for Elena's before-school snack.
Elena drinks some of the tainted beer and ends up having hallucinations too, which generally involve her kissing Stefan and thinking he's Damon. Stefan has to bring Klaus in to save Elena from Rose's fate. Is it just me or was the irony all too delicious? Stefan has been in a snit that Damon fed Elena his own blood, because blood sharing is basically vampire sex, even though vampires also have regular sex. Yet here he is, bringing in Klaus -- his nemesis -- to feed his girlfriend. I only wish Klaus had rubbed it in a little.
I typically 'ship any two characters who share a scene on this show, so all the shake- ups left me excited and intrigued to see what comes and I haven't even mentioned how Connor seems to be part of some vampire slaying consortium called The Five. Twitter friend Val asked if that meant he was one of five hunters or one of the five people of color left in Mystic Falls, but she's just being silly, because no way are there five black people left in Mystic Falls. What? I love this show, but there are some issues. I'll be back with the whole story in the full recap. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we've got a defibrillator handy.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!What a difference a day makes. I wrote my recaplet of "The Rager" right after the episode aired, when all I really had on my mind was the show and my daily grind. I knew there was a hurricane approaching, but honestly, my daughter's cheerleading competition was more on my mind. And I don't even mean that in a stage-mommy way. Mostly my thoughts were things like: I don't even know how to get to Lowell. Is my back going to act up, if I have to sit on bleachers or plastic seats for hours? If her teams wins again, and they continue to progress, how are we ever going to afford getting her to Florida for the finals? What are we going to do for the two hours between dropping her off and the beginning of the competition? We probably won't celebrate our wedding anniversary this weekend. I think I'm gonna skip church on Sunday. How do I get to Lowell, again? Shallow. Every thought was shallow and those not strictly self-absorbed were very much us-absorbed (and leaning heavily toward myself). Even once my attention turned to the storm, I mostly fretted about how entirely useless I am without electricity and wondered why we have so many trees in this yard, anyhow. I mean, I've gone about 48 hours without power before, but after that? I'd have to move.
Then it happened. You know, I've never been to Rehoboth Beach, or Fire Island, or Queens, or even Atlantic City. I went to Staten Island when I was a kid to visit a great-aunt. I'd have to ask my mother where else I've been in and around New York City. I've mostly only traveled through the Mid-Atlantic states on my way to South Carolina. Once. We're among those Bostonians who tend to go North. New Hampshire. Maine. Vermont. Canada. Cool air. Fewer people. But as I read and watch these news reports of all this destruction in New York, New Jersey, and up and down the seaboard, my gut clenches -- my throat tightens like this is my own neighborhood. And I have nothing to say. I'm reduced to tears and prayers.
If you're here -- if you're reading this, that's a real blessing today, isn't it? Not reading this, mind you. That's already patently clear. I just mean it's great that you have a smart phone or electricity and internet... My own stupid, shallow self -- we never even lost electricity or internet. But the Boardwalk has been devastated and I feel like I lost a loved one. The whole region. Lives. Homes. Neighborhoods. Businesses. Boats. Ways of life. First Responders are out there selflessly risking their lives. People are suffering and struggling just to get through a day -- trying to come to terms with losing so much. And I'm supposed to write something quippy about...vampires.
What I want to say is that it's going to be okay. That's trite and presumptive though, isn't it? I'm sitting here in dry clothes, queuing up my TiVo and refilling my coffee cup, so what the hell do I know, that I haven't learned on my cable-ready flat-screen TV? If you've been hurt by this disaster and you're just looking for some distraction, I can only offer you my deepest condolences, and the hope of some temporary distraction. If, like me, you're one of the lucky ones whose experience of Hurricane Sandy boils down to nothing worse than worry or perhaps a few hours without lights -- well, we have a job to do. TV's talking heads like to yammer about how very divided we Americans are -- particularly during the silly season of a Presidential election. But I don't think we are, in our hearts. I'm not going to link you to a particular charity, or list of ways to help. You have the internet. You'll figure it out. I'm just going to get on with my work, and trust that those who pray are doing so, those with hope keep hoping, and those who can do, will do. Nearly all of us can do something. Do that something. Put goodness out there. Do something real and true. Do something that matters more than talking about a TV show. Another vampire show once told me, "If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do." That can make no sense or all the sense in the world, depending on how you parse it. Parse it in the way that makes a difference. Okay? Okay.
We open with the new season 3 montage, that's been edited to reflect the events of the last two episodes. Elena's a vampire. There's a new vampire hunter in town. Only Jeremy can see his mystical tattoo. Blah blah blah blood cakes. After the montage, we see Tyler lying in his hospital bed. There's a police guard outside his room, but of course he hears noise and wanders off to investigate. Shouldn't there be two guards, just in case this very thing happens? He is the Mayor's son and was gunned down in a church. When the hunter, Connor Jordan, jumps Officer Distracted, Ty's eyes fly open. I wonder if hybrid hearing is even more acute than vampire hearing. I mean they've got that whole dog thing going on.
Connor enters Ty's room, but his bed is empty. I hope he Stealth-Salvatored out of the hospital, but instead, he jumps Connor from behind. Connor seems stronger than Tyler though, and manages to throw him down on the bed. He injects Tyler with a paralytic agent, and then draws werewolf venom from our boy's gums. Yuck. This show is really trying to gross me out, this season.
Back in his camper, Connor boils down the venom, which I don't really get, because werewolves can kill vampires with a single bite, so what's all this cooking supposed to do? As his potion bubbles away, Connor reviews his files on our local beasties, and rereads Pastor Cliche's letter to his daughter, April.
Mossy Manse. Day. Damon opens the front door to find Stefan fiddling with a motorcycle. Big Bro taunts Little Bro about having a midlife crisis, but Stefan explains that the transition is really getting to Elena, so he's just trying to bring in the fun. We know what Damon's going to say before the words escape his lips. "Those who can't do, teach." Damon already knows about Connor's attack on Tyler. Since the new hunter now has vampire poison at the ready, Damon sums up his plans for the day: "I'm gonna find him, and I'm going to eat him." After he takes Connor down, he's going to pack up and head out of town. "Isn't that the deal? Whoever Elena doesn't choose leaves?" Stefan notes that deal was struck before Elena turned. Damon: "And I stayed to help. But if I take you punching me as the first clue, I'm not wanted here, anymore." Stefan: "Listen, you blood-shared with my girlfriend, and I punched you in the face. You deserved it. Why don't you stop being dramatic?" Oh Stefan, he's not going to stop being dramatic, anymore than you're going to stop brooding. Damon says if he was being dramatic, he'd swan out of town before killing the hunter. He's got a point.
Mystic Falls High School Exterior. Matt meets up with Elena and notes that it's weird they've chosen their old make-out spot for the transaction at hand. Matt's blood is the only thing she can keep down, so Elena thanks him. Matt says since he owes her his life, he's glad to do this for her. Elena doesn't like using him as a human blood bank, but Matt is all, "Please let me do this for you." Elena plunges her fangs into his wrist, but only takes a little sip. When Matt asks her if she's taken enough, she admits she hasn't, but is afraid if she takes more, she won't be able to stop. Great, even undead teenage girls can suffer from eating disorders.
Once Elena has bandaged up Matt and wiped the blood off her lips, the twosome heads toward school, like attending is something they do more than quarterly. Matt's a little surprised Elena's even at school, but Elena figures that since the hunter knows Damon is a vampire and that Damon knows Elena, hiding at home would appear more suspicious. Besides, it's her senior year. She's made it this far, so there's no way she's bailing before graduation. As they pass through the parking lot, Elena notices flyers on all the windshields, so she grabs one. There's a 10:00 PM curfew now, in reaction to Tyler getting shot in front of the whole town. He was shot in broad daylight, in a church. A 10:00 PM curfew seems... like it's not going to accomplish anything useful, right?
Mayoral Mansion. Carol and Tyler walk in. There are a few guys standing around the foyer. Tyler wonders if they're deputies, but Klaus wanders into view and disabuses him of that notion. While Klaus is still mightily miffed that Tyler went and broke the sire bond, he's now unable to create more hybrids, so Tyler is a precious commodity. Klaus is a big sap about his babies, isn't he? I mean, he wanted the hybrids to serve as an army against Mikael, who is now dead, and then against his family, most of whom have taken off, anyhow. He also, in truth, wanted them to be his family, because he never felt the love of his siblings, even when it was there. Either way you slice it, there's no rational reason to protect Tyler. The sire bond is broken, and Tyler resents the hell out of Klaus for drawing OMGPONIES pictures of Caroline. Klaus is, to be fair, a little ticked that Tyler and his buds stopped Klaus's heart and left him in a casket to rot, but Tyler thinks the body switch and kissing Caroline make them about even. Klaus says it's not even close. Still, he's Tyler's werepire daddy, so the boy had better accept his new body guards.
History Class. Elena looks up at the chalkboard which still bears Alaric's handwriting. She confessed to Stefan that she's ready to bawl her eyes out, but then Rebekah breezes in. She's handing out flyers for her anti-curfew party, and arousing Elena's ire just by existing. And I sort of get this. I mean, the Originals have been nothing short of Hell on earth for Elena, and it's Rebekah who killed Elena, so it's her fault Elena's a vampire -- and she did so in order to kill Alaric. On the other hand, it's Rebekah who helped Stefan kill one of their guards when Pastor Cliche was holding them prisoner at his ranch. Without Rebekah, Elena would have died from failure to feed during the first day of her transition. In just a very few moments, Rebekah will have earned back Elena's ire, but in this very first one, where I'd expect Elena to at least feel a measure of gratitude mixed in with her loathing, she feels only the latter. The girls bicker. Rebekah gets in a couple of good jabs about her past with Stefan and the loss of Alaric. It's then that Elena tries to stab Rebekah with a pencil. Rebekah grabs it and stabs Elena, instead. No one in the class notices what's going on, which is just unbelievable. It makes me feel cheap just watching this scene.
Elena rushes off to the bathroom. Stefan follows her down the hallway and tries to calm her down. Elena can't compose herself. She both hates Rebekah and hates that she hate Rebekah. Isn't that always the way? I'm serious here. I hate when I care enough to hate. It's something I struggle against. Always have. Always will. Their conversation is interrupted when Elena sees Connor down the hall, and he seems to be watching Jeremy. Elena's ready to charge at him, but Stefan hustles her into the ladies room with an assurance that he's got this.
Elena's washing up, when a girl, Heather, enters. She's been bitten. Her neck is bleeding, and her eyes betray that she's been compelled. Rebekah follows and makes a great show of tempting Elena to take a little bite. Okay, where was Rebekah when she bit Heather? She was either in a classroom full of kids, some of whom must be on vervain, or she was in the hallway, where Connor is. This makes me feel cheap too -- like I'm being written down to. I regret giving this episode an A. This scene amounts to nothing more than showing us how hard Elena's struggling against her appetite and her rage, so I think I'll leave it here and enjoy the commercial, featuring the delightful Julie Plec.
Connor's got Jeremy in an otherwise empty classroom, so clearly Stefan's "I've got this," meant nearly nothing. Jeremy is happy to miss biology class, but wants to know why. Connor hands him a folder as he babbles about Gilbert history, then explains that Jeremy's there, because he can see Connor's tattoo. Only hunters and potential hunters can see the hunter's mark. Jeremy should join the drama club, because he does a pretty good job of laughing off the idea that vampires exist. Connor already knows he knows though. He knows everything about Jeremy and Elena, or at least too much. He's a regular student of Mystic Falls, and tells the Germ that playing dumb makes him look dumb. He then tells the boy to find him a vampire, and he'll show him what to do. Stefan lurks outside as Connor says he's in Hudson, off Route 13. Jeremy wonders how he's supposed to find a vampire. Connor: "Start by asking your friend with the bandage on his neck." I don't think Matt has that bandage anymore. Did he heal naturally, I wonder, or did Elena do a little blood sharing with him, too?
Cut to Connor's camper. Damon must have already gotten the location from Jeremy. He enters and looks around. He spies a syringe and beaker, Connor's files, and whatnot. When he reaches for something, it triggers some sort of booby trap. I don't really know how to describe what happens here, but an arrow pierces Damon and it's connected to some sort of bomb. If Damon moves? Kaboom. He tries to figure if there's a way out of this on his own, but it doesn't look like there is one.
MFHS, Exterior. Caroline and Stefan try to calm Elena. Finally, Stefan proposes that they skip the rest of the day. Yes, attending part of one class still makes this one of their more successful school days in recent memory. Elena agrees. And says something about going to Becky's party to prove she won't be intimidated. She just wants to go home and change out of her bloody clothes first. Why bother, since no one in the whole school noticed you getting stabbed. I'm just saying.... Once Elena is gone, Stefan and Caroline analyze Elena's angst. Caroline tells Stefan he's good at training baby vamps. And Care Bear is right, in that he trained her and she's the most awesome vampire, ever. She tells Stefan he should probably write a book and appear on The View. Heh.
Mayoral Manse. Tyler is sequestered at home, but he has a visitor. It's Hayley (Phoebe Tonkin), an attractive young werewolf, who apparently helped Tyler through his bone-crunching self-induced transitions he endured, in order to break Klaus's sire bond. Tyler is thrilled and surprised to see her there. Clearly, something happened between them when Tyler was on the run. Tyler wonders how she found him. She knows a hybrid who hangs with her pack. He told her he was headed to Mystic Falls to protect a hybrid named Tyler. That was too much coincidence for Hayley, so she decided to track him down. As she asks Tyler for some rich-people Scotch, we cut to...
Connor's Camper. Meredith arrives. Damon needs her to cut around the arrow (which went in his chest and is sticking out through his back) so that he can pull it out without adding any tension to the trigger wire. That's my story and I'm sticking to it, because I'm not exactly clear on the logistics of this contraption. Also, I'm still queasy from the blood puke of last week's episode, so let's not dwell on the yucky stuff. Instead, let's enjoy the unexpected chemistry between Damon and Meredith. When she asks why he didn't call Stefan, Damon admits he's too proud and stubborn. Mere seems to already understand they're in a fight. She thinks Damon is a good brother, going out and looking for their would-be killer, while Stefan gets to play schoolboy with their girlfriend. They exposit about Pastor Cliche. His suicide note was in reach, so Damon read it while he was waiting for Mere. They wonder what the Pastor meant about a "greater evil" coming to Mystic Falls. Mere finally loosens the arrow. Damon pulls it out. Nothing explodes.
MFHS, Interior. Rebekah finds Matt at his locker. She wants him to come to her party. Since she tried to kill him, and is responsible for vamping Elena, he's less than inclined to attend. In fact, he's so disinclined, he never says a word as Rebekah tries to plead her case. He leaves her with a glare and heads off down the hall, where he's confronted by Connor, who says something about Matt's earlier excuse for having a bandaged neck, then pulls the new bandage off Matt's wrist. Seeing the distinct fang marks, he says, "Kinky girlfriend." Wow. Connor has beautiful eyelashes. I just thought I'd throw that out there. Why is always the guys? Connor demands to know who Matt's feeding. Matt won't talk at first, but when Connor gets forceful, Matt says, "It's Rebekah. Rebekah Mikaelson." Ooh, my Pudding Pop is quick on his feet, even when his blood count is low. Commercial.
Mossy Manse. Elena is ransacking Damon's room when he arrives home. She lies that she's looking for booze to take the edge off, before going to Rebekah's party. He tells her to look in his top drawer. Elena does and finds his underwear. "You keep your alcohol in your underwear drawer?" No silly, he keeps his underwear in his alcohol drawer. Okay, no. He knows she's actually looking for the Son of White Oak stake. When Damon opens his shirt, Elena notices his arrow wound. He chalks it up to a hunter mishap. Elena tells him Connor was in their school today. Damon says he already knew, thanks to Jeremy. Elena asks why he was talking to Jeremy -- you know, her brother Damon once killed as part of an extreme hissy fit. Damon tells Elena not to worry her pretty little head about it, but Elena doesn't want Jeremy dragged into it. Damon shrugs that off. The Germ might actually prove useful. Damon -- knowing full well that Elena can't take her eyes off him -- peels off his shirt. When she just stares at him, he undoes his pants and asks her if she plans to stay for the whole show. I love him best when he's being a Pixie Monster. Elena, remembering herself, marches out of the room, pledging to find the stake. Insert your own cheap pun, here.
Connor's Camper, Exterior. Jeremy arrives to find Connor carving his specially marked stakes. He tells the hunter that while he hasn't identified a vampire yet, he knows where Connor can find one, and exposits about how Meredith uses vampire blood to heal people. He suggests that maybe Mere gives a vamp her blood for his. Connor: "You see? That's the problem. When a town protects one vampire, word spreads. More come. They feed. They turn. Soon, you've got a full-on infestation." He adds that the school is crawling with them. "One's even throwing a party." Jeremy asks if they're going to the party, but Connor says, "No. We're going to the hospital. As long as people are drinking at that party, I've got it covered. They'll be dead by sundown." Underage drinking, in Mystic Falls? That's like gambling in Casablanca. Oh crap. Everyone's doomed.
Rebekah's New House. Kegs and red Solo cups abound. Kids are doing keg stands, which I never did understand. When Elena and Stefan enter, Elena immediately fixates on the Beckster. Stefan compels a bystander to give up his beer and hands it to Elena. Don't drink it girl! Oh, she listens to me, but probably only because she sees April. Elena wants to talk to her, so Stefan excuses himself to find something stronger than beer.
Mayoral Mansion. Caroline shows up at the door. She's ditching Becky's party to spend time with Tyler, who ain't nothing but a hound dog. He's glad to see his girl, but he's nervous. Caroline probably writes this off to his being surrounded by hybrids who are there on Klaus's orders, but we know the truth, don't we? He's nervous because he's got that pretty little brunette stashed in the office. Speaking of...
Klaus wanders in and meets Phoebe, who identifies him as an "Old One" on the basis of his accent. I'm just going to let that go, since clearly there are non-American vampires who aren't Originals, but Show, don't expect me to start calling them Old Ones. I've been calling them Originals forever now, and that's the way it's going to stay. Klaus finds it curious that Tyler has never mentioned Hayley, and then his super hearing picks up Tyler and Caroline's conversation.
Out in foyer, Tyler insists Caroline go to the party. She'd rather hang with her honey, but he claims he's no fun right now. Back in the office or den, or whatever that is, Klaus smiles. Now he knows why he never heard anything about Hayley.
Party. Elena finds April in kitchen. When she offers the girl a beer, April smiles as she reminisces that Elena used to read her bedtime stories. Elena: "And now I'm giving you beer. That's about right." Oh wow, she's become Aunt Jenna. I miss Jenna and her utter inability to act like a grownup. April takes a swig, and starts talking about her dad. She's spending the denial phase of mourning, by dreaming up conspiracy theories. Since her dad could detect the smell of cigarette smoke at 50 paces, there's no way he didn't smell the gas leak. She knows everyone's calling the explosion an accident but when combined with, "...the shooting at the church, it just feels like..." She's interrupted by Rebekah, who finishes, "Something wicked this way comes." I hope April read some Shakespeare, or at least some Bradbury, at her boarding school, because she's never going to learn a thing now that she's enrolled at MFHS.
Elena tells April to go explore the house. Why doesn't April think that's weird, since Rebekah is right there and is the hostess? Well, I guess she does, and just wants to escape before she drowns in the tension oozing out of Elena and Becky. Once they're alone, there's more bickering. Elena accuses Rebekah of blowing up the Council. Rebekah takes great umbrage at Elena leveling accusations, even as she's there, ready to swill Becky's beer. She rips the cup out of Elena's hand. As far as I can tell, Elena hasn't yet consumed any, which seems like a good thing, given Connor's earlier remark to Jeremy. As Rebekah takes a sip from the cup, she smiles, because she knows what's coming . Elena's skin starts to sizzle. When Rebekah took the cup she also relieved Elena of her daywalker ring. Elena zoops across the kitchen, hides from the sunlight and orders Rebekah to give her back her ring. Rebekah throws it in the sink, turns on the garbage disposal and tells Elena to get it herself.
Alone in the kitchen, Elena musters up her courage, flies to the sink and starts to sizzle, even as she grabs her ring. Given last week's excess of blood, at first, I'm afraid she didn't turn off the garbage disposal, so I shield my eyes, but it's okay. She puts the ring back on and digs through her purse. Stefan enters, just as Elena pulls out the Son of White Oak stake, now covered by the flame-retardant protection Eloise endowed upon it, when she magically melted Alaric's Protecto-Ring. Elena wants to kill Rebekah. Stefan claims he's not going to stop her from killing Rebekah, but that's exactly what he does, when he explains that it will feel really good for a few seconds, but soon thereafter, every vampire Rebekah ever turned will die. "Rage is a really powerful feeling, but guilt -- take it from me -- it will destroy you. So, you can either go after her, or you can get on the back of my motorcycle, and we can get the hell out of here." Elena hands him the stake.
As the couple leaves the party, Rebekah purrs, "Leaving so soon?" Elena stops and looks her nemesis in the eye. "No. Not just yet. I never got a drink." Oh damn it, Elena. She does a keg stand, which I still don't get, but Stefan can't help but smirk at his girl's bravado. When she's done, she turns to Rebekah and wipes her mouth. "Now, I'm ready to go." As Rebekah watches the two leave, her vision blurs. She stumbles into the house. The veins in her face turn red. She mutters, "What in the Hell?"
Mayoral Manse. When Tyler returns to the office, instead of Hayley, he finds a crowing Klaus, who taunts him about Hayley and Caroline. Tyler tries to play it off like there's nothing between him and Hayley, but Klaus has imagined up a pretty convincing narrative. "You went off to the Appalachians, to break my sire bond. There you met a pack of werewolves -- begged them for help. Among them was a girl. She was gorgeous, with the same animal instincts as you. Emotions ran high. Inhibitions ran low." Tyler shakes his head. "Stop it." Klaus ignores him. "Then, in a moment of weakness, the thick sexual tension became something more real." Tyler: "I said stop!" Klaus's voice drops to a whisper. His eyes narrow. His lip curls in disgust. "And Caroline has no idea." Tyler's eyes widen. Klaus scoffs. When the phone rings, Klaus answers it. It's Damon, looking for Tyler, but Klaus tells him, "Tyler is otherwise occupied, making big decisions about honesty and whatnot. Is there anything I can do?" Damon says, "I'm going after the vampire hunter, so if he'd like to join..." Klaus: "He wouldn't. I, however..." I get sick of Originals-centered plot, but I could listen to Joseph Morgan's Klaus speechify, all day long.
We cut to a country road. Stefan and Elena are zipping down it on his motorcycle. Elena tries to get into it. At first she musters up the courage to stand on the back of the speeding bike. she does a handstand. It's all very cutesy, but in a sweet way, with genuine smiles. The green screen is annoying. 95 million people write to me, asking why vampires would bother wearing helmets, but my 13-year-old daughter beat them to the punch with that question, because we watched together. My fanwank: they don't want to attract the attention of the cops. Plus, the helmets make it easier to film the stunt doubles. Yes, her hair should be more windblown. Blah blee bloo. Elena's finally having a little fun being a vamp though, so let's give her that and move forward.
Hospital. Jeremy and Connor follow Meredith down the corridor. Her neck is bandaged, so clearly she's in on this setup. When she enters the supply room, Connor tells Jeremy to stay where he is. Inside the supply room, instead of Mere, Connor finds Damon. "Is a hospital really the place for a germaphobe?" Damon: "Did I say 'germaphobe'? Sorry, I meant vampire." As Connor draws his weapon, he's struck by two bomb-triggering arrows. Well I'm sorry, but what the heck am I supposed to call them? Connor's gun falls just out of reach. Or does it. He looks at the trigger wires and decides there's just enough slack to let him reach for the gun, but Klaus appears and kicks it out of reach as he says, "Hello, mate." Commercial.
Mossy Manse. Stefan and Elena are making out on Stefan's bed, clearly about to have vampire sex. It's rough and would probably be sexy, except I'm totally taken out of the moment, by Alex Clare's "Too Close" (you know the song; it's in that ubiquitous car commercial). This is the second time I can remember the show choosing a song that's prominently featured in an ad. Please stop that. Anyhow, as things heat up, Elena pictures Damon on top of her, rather than Stefan. She cries, "No," and throws off Stefan, who between this and the puking, is going to get a sexual inferiority complex. Elena shakes off the hallucination, but she doesn't feel well. She pulls up her sleeves, to see the same veiny mess Rebekah had all over her face -- the same ick that surrounded Rose's werewolf bite. Stefan puts two and two together. The hunter has venom. Elena must have been poisoned with it. Now, I'll just stop here, because it's the last point in this episode, during which I can breathe at a normal rate, and note that I think it strains credulity, that Connor could spike kegs -- and the right kegs -- the kegs going to Becky's party, and leave it at that.
Rebekah's Room. Being a mostly unkillable Original, Rebekah isn't dying from the werewolf venom. She's just suffering from it, and apparently we must suffer with her. She is sitting in front of her vanity, head bobbling, eyes heavy, when Matt walks in and says she doesn't look so hot. She exposits about how whatever it is won't kill her, then says she's surprised Matt showed up. He says that since she explained why she ran him off the bridge (to kill Alaric and save the lives of her and her siblings), he ought to explain how he feels. "The truth is, Rebekah. I think you're amazing." She's smitten, so she smiles at this, but she really shouldn't. Matt: "You've had a thousand years to learn -- to grow, and start fresh. And somehow you've managed to throw it all away. Now you're alone. Your brother hates you. You whine about not finding love. The reason you don't find love is because you don't deserve it." Rebekah, whose eyes are filled with tears, winces at that last bit, gasps and then rips out Matt's heart. Yes, I die a thousand deaths. You can read my play-by-play reaction in the recaplet. After seeing all the real horror, in our very real world, I'm over it. This isn't the show's fault. It's just how it is. Matt falls to the floor, dead. Rebekah stares at his heart -- still in her hand, then she snaps out of it. Matt's not on the floor. Her hands are empty and clean. I breathe, again. She looks around and we cut to...
Hospital Supply Room. Damon wants to know who Connor is, where he's from and adds, "Maybe you can clue me in on this greater evil, because I've fought this guy..." He gestures toward Klaus. "...and there's nothing more evil than that." Klaus of course, agrees. Connor, of course, refuses to talk, beyond saying that if they kill him, there will be another along to take his place. In my head, I hear the voice-over narration from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. "Into every generation born, there is a slayer." I am struggling to reserve judgment on this. While I have very (inappropriately) proprietary feelings about BtVS. Buffy Summers wasn't fiction's first vampire hunter, nor will she be its last. That's my mantra, okay?
Damon mocks Connor, and while doing so, mentions his disappearing tattoo. When Klaus hears that last bit, his grin disappears. He asks Damon about it, but Damon says not to bother since they can't see it. Klaus knows more than everyone else in the room, though. He bends down to Connor and whispers, "There's more to you than meets the eye, isn't there?" Connor draws a stake and tries to get Klaus, who brags about being faster than the average vampire. He wrests the stake from Connor's hand, and looks at it. While he's studying the markings, Connor reaches for the trigger wire. Klaus: "You're one of The Five." Damon: "The what?" Connor: "I'm faster than the average hunter." Damon realizes Connor is about to trigger the bomb and Stealth-Salvatores away. He gets out of the room in time, but the explosion still throws him to the floor. Commercial.
Mossy Manse. Elena's resting in Stefan's bed as he tries to reach Klaus, because as you'll recall, his blood is the antidote to werewolf venom. Elena smiles at her boyfriend, but then his face morphs into Damon, i.e. her other boyfriend. She says, "Why am I thinking about you?" Imaginary Damon says, "Because you're a vampire now, and part of you knows you're a lot more like me than you are like him." Elena closes her eyes, just as Klaus walks in. Stefan says, "You came." Klaus: "I did, and for future reference, one voice mail is just as effective as nine." Heh. He looks over at Elena with concern and says, "What's wrong, love?"
Stefan explains that she's been poisoned with werewolf venom. Okay, so...he never mentioned that in nine voice mails? Klaus points out that they'd be screwed right now, if they'd succeeded in ridding the world of him. Stefan asks Klaus what he wants from him. I shudder, because I can't take another season of Stefan as Klaus's pathetic toady. I'm happy to report Klaus says he doesn't want anything from Stefan. He walks towards the bed. "Her, on the other hand..." Sitting to Elena, he confesses that a few hours ago, he'd have let Elena die, but it seems she once again may be of use to him. Klaus sinks his fangs into his wrist. It sounds...crunchy. He offers his blood to Elena. Stefan watches as Klaus blood-shares with Elena. Klaus doesn't lay it on too thick, but he doesn't hide that he's enjoying this moment. I wonder how jealous Stefan is. We cut to...
Rebekah's room. April shows up. She's taken it upon herself to clean up. Apparently the deputies showed up and chased everyone off. April's still there, because picking up trash is better than sitting home alone, thinking about the family she no longer has. This, of course, resonates with the ever-needy Rebekah. She gets out of bed and offers to help April look into what really caused the explosion at the ranch. April asks what Rebekah can do that April can't. Rebekah smiles. "You'd be surprised." Oh my word, Becky might almost have a friend. Was hallucinatory Matt's monologue enough to make her change her ways, when a thousand years of life experience couldn't?
Hospital. Carol is with Damon who reports that the "sniper" was in the supply room when it blew up, and is still there, but now in tiny, little pieces. Carol declares this good. She'll cancel curfew and call off the extra patrols. She doesn't exactly approve of his methods, though. Damon says that he'll make a donation and speculates that they'll name a hospital wing after him. he finds Jeremy, who's all, "See, I told you I could be a badass." Damon walks right by him, adding, "Shh. Badasses don't say that." Meredith gives Damon hell for blowing up a hospital full of sick, fragile patients. Damon reminds her no one got hurt and tells her to buy him a farewell drink. Maybe they can figure out what Klaus meant by, "The Five." Mere calls his bluff. He's not leaving town and they both know it. She has no plans to be his new partner in vampire crime, so she tells him to fix things with Stefan and Elena. "Don't let your pride leave you all alone." We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Stefan's enjoying a drink by the fire -- okay, he's not actually enjoying it, what with the brooding, when Caroline shows up. Stefan compliments Caroline on her transition from her insecure human self, into the fabulous vampire she is today. He knows Elena is changing too. He wants Elena to be able to enjoy her vampirism, but when he's with her and she starts enjoying it, the temptation is too much for him. He had counted on Damon to pull him back from the Ripper-edge, but now that they're on the outs, he needs someone to keep him grounded. He loves Elena and wants her to enjoy her vampirism. He doesn't want to hold her back. Caroline's so good at being a vampire. She doesn't deny this, but does credit Stefan for her success, and if memory serves, she's right to so. She says Stefan can come to her whenever he needs to. She won't let him lose control. Great chemistry in this scene, yes?
Gilbert Gables. Matt shows up to provide Elena with her evening meal. He feels awful. If he'd known Elena was going to the party, he never would have told Connor about Rebekah. Elena already went through this with Jeremy. Oh, did she, Show? Because I'm not even sure I've seen Elena and Jeremy alone together, since she turned. Their last meaningful conversation was the one in which he told her he'd much rather have a vampire sister than a human one. There should have been some sibling time between them, by now, but I digress. The point is, Elena doesn't want Matt to feel bad about it.
Matt rolls up his sleeve as Elena exposits about the hatred she's struggling with and her murderous urges. I keep waiting for Matt to get a clue and run the hell out of there, but he's so intent on helping his ex-girlfriend, that he's not thinking. Besides, he feels Rebekah deserves a good Son of White Oak staking, and I can't say I disagree. Elena says it's more about her own mind -- terrible thoughts, violent images, and hunger. She puts on her game face and sinks her fangs into Matt's wrist. She drinks for longer than Matt is used to. Well, in truth, it doesn't seem any longer, but he says it is. Then she starts to hurt him, which he also says, but Elena ignores him. The feed is too heavy upon her. When Matt struggles, she throttles him with her free hand and continues to gorge herself. My reaction to this is in the recaplet, as well. It's then that Damon zoops in and pushes her off Matt, and scolds her like a she's a two year old, reaching for a hot stove. "Stop. Stop." Within seconds, Elena is back to herself. With his blood still on her lips, she cries her apologies to a horrified Matt. Damon compels Matt to forget anything past the fact that he fed Elena and left.
Alone with Damon, Elena says, "What have I done?" Damon tells her she has nothing to be ashamed of. She's a vampire now and just has to learn the right way to be one. "And I'm going to teach you." They nod silently at each other. Damon brushes a stray hair off her forehead, and in my head, I hear his early jab at Stefan, because those who can't, teach, right Damon? Since when is your way the right way -- in any sort of "right way" that Elena can find acceptable? So far as I've seen, only Lexi is up to teaching Elena to be a vampire in a way in which Elena will find acceptable, and well, you killed her, didn't you? Oh wait. Caroline is the obvious choice here, no? She helped Elena last week, when April was bleeding out. Let's get these boys out of Elena's life for a while, and get her back to her girlfriends. Elena doesn't say any of this or even think it, though. She's just grateful that someone other than control-freak Stefan is going to help her.
Connor wakes up in his camper. Standing over him, Klaus says, "Congratulations. You just became worth more alive to me, than dead." Connor asks what Klaus meant about him being one of The Five. Klaus tilts his head as he considers Connor and his question. "You don't know your own history?" He sits down in front of Connor. "Well, let's just say it's made you the most well-protected vampire hunter in town." Dun!
So, what's that all about? The only logical explanation I can think of is that Connor is somehow going to be instrumental in restoring Elena's humanity, which kind of bums me out. I don't want to be negative based on plot speculation though, because what matters is how a story is told.
I'll be back Friday morning, with coverage of "The Five." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, and please be good to each other.