In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Welcome back, everyone. I hope your summer was better than TVD's Season 4 premiere. I kid… except, I guess I don't kid. I don't know. I am so glad my show is back. The acting was strong. The dialogue was fine. There was a smattering of cheese, which I do enjoy, but the plot left me scratching my head. Am I alone here?
After a new intro, we watch Stefan and Damon break the news to Elena. While Matt survived the car crash, she did not. She's transitioning into a vampire and if she doesn't feed in 24 hours, she will die for real. Elena is heartbroken. Stefan offers hope: Bonnie is looking for a way to rehumanize her. Damon, the eternal pragmatist -- except for when he's not -- tries to cluestick his brother and their girlfriend about the fact that no one in the history of vampirism has ever rehumanized a vampire, but to no avail.
Remember back when Alaric turned into Vamparic and wanted to destroy the entire Vampire Race? Yeah, well I almost didn't. My TiVo died over the summer and I haven't yet bought the season 3 DVDs. Anyhow, remember when Vamparic summoned the Founders Council and filled them in on Carol and Liz's collusion with the local vampires and other beasties? The Council members are scared, pissed and usurping Carol and Liz. The new self-proclaimed Council leader doesn't appear to be from a founding family and he's both a pastor and a rancher. Oh wait, the voices in my head tell me I'll need a new paragraph for this tangent.
I've known a lot of pastors, and have spent a lot of time working on church committees (except lately, because my church and I are totally on a break, but that's for another day). Also, one side of my family includes third generation dairy farmers. I've spent a lot of time on the farm. Pastoring is more than a full time job. Farming and/or ranching -- the same deal. There's no way this guy is both and if he is both, he should at least have enough dosh to paint his house. Oh, maybe he's really crappy at both jobs. He certainly seems like a crappy human being, but most of us are crappy when we're scared. I really don't know what to make of Pastor Young and the end of the episode sheds more heat than light on his character. (Sorry.)
The revamped (sorry, again) Council captures Stefan, Rebekah and Elena. They're trying to use them to bait Damon and the Originals out to the ranch, so they can commit a little vampire genocide. Elena almost dies from failure to feed, but she doesn't because Rebekah (!) helps Stefan wound (and probably kill) one of their captors. Elena laps up his spilled blood with her fingers, and is then magically transported out of her barn jail and into a fight with Damon about how he shouldn't kill Matt, because it's not Matt's fault she's a vampire... which it isn't.
The episode ends with Elena and Stefan sitting on the Mossy Manse rooftop, coming to terms with her vampirism and waiting for the sun to rise. Don't worry. She has a lapis lazuli daylight ring of her very own. The CW should merchandise the heck out of that. Bonnie enchanted it for her, just in case her rehumanizing spell failed, which it totally did like we knew it would. It just didn't fail the way in which I expected it too. Instead, it failed because the Ghost of Grams appeared and told Bonnie that there would be terrible consequences to using such dark arts. This leaves Bonnie plenty of time to dip into those very same dark arts to take Klaus's spirit out of Tyler's body and put it back in his own. Her punishment from the aggrieved spirits seems to be watching them give Ghost of Grams a henna tattoo, and it looks like Ghost of Grams is allergic to henna.
The episode ends with Pastor Young gathering his Council together at the ranch, disconnecting the gas stove and blowing the whole place to Kingdom Come. Um show, I didn't like him either, but so why did we even have him in the first place? I've seen people wondering if Damon compelled the pastor to do this, but that guy was surely taking his vervain, so it would be sloppy if that's the case. Instead he was just another offensive stereotype, that complicated things just enough, so that there'd be some action.
I'll be back with the whole story, in the full recap. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we don't even have a gas stove.
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your show starts.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Welcome back, everyone. I'm so glad our show is back. I'm glad to be back at work, too! An awful lot happens in the Season 4 premiere of The Vampire Diaries, to some extent -- too much happens. Some scenes and plot points are overly telescoped, but still, we get an hour (well, 42 minutes) of exciting, compelling TV, so I'm going to dive right in. You ready? Okay!
There's a new opening montage. It begins with Stefan narrating, but soon Elena, Damon, Bonnie, Klaus, Liz and more take the mic. It's cheesy, but in a fun way, like the fog and the crow of yore. I'll break it down just this once.
STEFAN (over shot of him jumping off the Mossy Manse roof): Mystic Falls. I was born here. This is my home.
DAMON (driving his baby blue convertible): And mine.
ELENA (writing in her diary): And mine.
STEFAN (over shots of the Originals' North American village; 1912 Damon): For centuries, supernatural creatures have lived among us.
ELENA (over shots of modern game-face Damon with a bloody mouth; a wolf; Katherine, Elena and Stefan in Mossy Manse): There are vampires, werewolves, doppelgängers...
BONNIE (stopping Jeremy's heart): ...witches...
KLAUS (in game face): ...and even hybrids.
LIZ (opening the door to Matt carrying Caroline in): There are those who protect them.
ALARIC (as Vamparic, from on-screen Season 3 lines, over shots of himself; bloody-mouthed Caroline; Carol; transitioning-Tyler): "The Sheriff has a vampire for a daughter, and our lovely Mayor -- a son, who is half vampire, half werewolf."
JEREMY (over shots of Vamparic staking desiccated Klaus; desi-Klaus opening his eyes): And those who want them dead.
ELENA (over a shot of Elena, Caroline, and Bonnie hugging): They're our friends...
STEFAN (over a shot of him trying to stake Klaus): ...our enemies...
ELENA (over shots of Elena making out with Damon, and then Stefan): ...the ones we love...
STEFAN (over shots of the gang burying Jenna; Damon cradling Vamparic as he dies): ...the ones we've lost.
ELENA (in a clip from the Season 3 finale bridge accident): "Matt look out!" (Cut to Rebekah standing in the road. Matt slams on the brakes. His truck swerves and goes right over the bridge).
ELENA (Elena and Matt, trapped underwater, Stefan swims to the rescue, Elena insists he save Matt): And then there's me. I'm human. (Elena dies. Cut to her lying in the morgue.) At least I was. (She gasps and sits up. Fade to black.)
Wow, that took a lot longer than you'd think. Now, let's really get to the show. The screen is white. We hear a lawn mower, first, then church bells add to the din. , there's a siren. Elena's face comes slowly into focus. She's at home in her own bed, but she wakes again with a gasp and calls to Stefan who is right at her side. He explains she was in an accident. Elena asks about Matt. Damon (on the window seat) tells her to ask Stefan. I hold my breath. Stefan, bless his heart, confirms Matt is alive. Elena says, "I thought that I was...how did you...?" Damon's voice is bitter. "Save you? He didn't."
Stefan and Damon exposit that when Elena was hospitalized during the season finale, her injuries were more extensive than they knew. When Matt's truck went off the bridge, our girl had Damon's vampire blood in her system, thanks to Mad Doctor Meredith Fell. Elena: "Oh my God. Does that mean that... AM I DEAD? No, no, no, no. That wasn't supposed to happen."
Stefan says Bonnie's working on a way to help Elena revert to full humanity. Damon insists feeding and completing the transition is the only thing that's going to help. Stefan says they have the day to exhaust every possibility, but Damon says, "There is no way out of it. We all know the drill. You feed or you die. There is no door number three." Elena: "I was ready to die. I was supposed to die. I don't want to be... I can't be a vampire. If there's something that Bonnie can do, we have to try." Stefan reassures her that they'll try everything. Damon, who has no patience for this, starts out of the room. "Your choice, Elena. As always."
Damon's pouring himself a drink when Stefan comes downstairs. Damon minces no words about Stefan setting Elena up for disappointment. Per Damon, no one, in the history of vampirism, has reverted to humanity. I guess he doesn't know about the Shanshu prophecy. They bicker about whether or not Stefan "let" Elena die. Stefan insists he was just following Elena's wishes. Damon: "And now the world has one more quarterback. Bravo, brother." Hey, Damon? Shut up. I love you, but just shut up, because Matt needs to live. This show has gotten so short on ordinary humans as to be ridiculous, besides, Matt is our Pudding Pop, so why don't you have yet another drink and calm the heck down? After all, Elena's no more dead than you. Stefan blahs about making a choice he'll regret for the rest of his life then adds, "Now let me try to fix it."
Up in her room, Elena is in transition and everything is bothering her -- her head, her teeth, her...lamp. When Jeremy appears at her doorway, it seems to soothe her at least momentarily. He asks if she's okay and reminds how her difficult transition was on Vicki. The lamp starts bothering Elena again -- so much so, I keep waiting for Dean and Sam Winchester to appear and explain how it's a ghost or something, but no, it's just Elena freaking out. She pretends she's fine but Jeremy calls her bluff. Elena snaps at him, but then apologizes and asks if he's talked to Bonnie.
Jeremy says Bonnie's going to try to make a plea to the witch-spirits that brought him back. When Elena raises her concerns about the consequences, Jeremy pooh poohs that there are no consequences more horrible than Elena becoming a vampire. Since that's not entirely true and these kids have seen worse, firsthand, I am pretty sure that's a line meant to service the fans who are entirely against this development. Me? I'm not against it. In theory I'm for it, but in practice, I'm agnostic. All I want is a good story. If vamping Elena adds to the overall story, then go for it, gang.
Elena tells Jeremy they'll find a way out of this and that everything will be okay. He says that he hopes so, then heads downstairs. It's then that the evil lamp ramps up its psychic attack on Elena. So does she shut it off? No. TRANSITION IS LIKE EVEN WORSE THAN PMS. She whips off the lampshade and crushes the burning bulb with her bare hands. Oh my word. If she's this melodramatic as a full-blown vamp. I'll stake her myself. Use the frigging light switch, Elena. Problem solved.
Sidebar which spoils the rest of this episode (no future spoilers): I sort of hate that crushing-the-bulb moment because it undercuts Elena's earlier reluctance to become a vampire, which is a problem throughout the episode. It's all about the discomfort of transition, the threat of being locked up without blood and whatnot. I think they missed the real story. This little girl (excuse me, but in show terms, she's still just 18; my eldest child is a high School junior; she's a little girl to me) wants to grow up and live a normal life. Sure, palling around with vampires and the like makes normalcy harder, but what's made it harder still is the fact that she's a doppelgänger, through no choice or fault of her own. She was always going to attract the supernatural.
Elena has lost so many people. All she ever wants to do is make sure her loved ones are safe. She wants that so, she's ready to die for it, and now she can't die for it. Again, I'm not against vamping Elena, but I'd like a chance to properly mourn her humanity, and this doesn't give me what I need. This episode's "suspense" lies mostly in the question of will-or-won't-she-feed, so there's little true suspense -- little tension. It was clear to me she was going to become a vamp, so all of that was for nothing. Don't get me wrong. Had the show gone the other way and let Bonnie rehumanize Elena, I would have been furious at being jerked around by nothing at all. Given the setup, the only workable choice was to let Elena become a vampire. It's just that I never thought Bonnie's spell was going to work. When Grams showed up, I didn't think, "Ooh, will she stop it?" but rather, "Oh so that's how they'll stop it." I didn't think the Reverend and the reformed Council was going to kill any of our leads, certainly not Elena, Stefan or Damon. I didn't think Matt was in any real danger from Damon. I just sort of ended up not caring what comes . Okay, that's the extent of my ranting for now, but probably just for now.
Lockwood Ruins. Bonnie is looking at Klaus's desiccated corpse, when Klaus (in Tyler's body, henceforth known as KiT) comes up behind her. "Beautiful, isn't it?" Bonnie reminds him that their deal was that he'd leave Tyler's body and jump into someone else's ASAP. Klaus struck that deal when he thought his own body would be nothing but ash. Since most of it still remains, he wants to be returned to his own body, particularly since Vamparic outed Caroline and Tyler to the Council. Bonnie hasn't time or magical energy for this right now. She's got to work out a way to rehumanize Elena. KiT is all like, Elena-schmelena, and so we know this is a real episode of The Vampire Diaries he throttles Bonnie, so she reminds him that if she returns Elena to a fully human state, she'll still be suitable as starter dough for Klaus's army of hybrids. When KiT releases Bonnie, she goes to leave, so KiT Stealth-Salvatores all up in her grill and reminds her that the same rules apply: no one can know. I don't really know why we even care about that because it doesn't matter later on.
Sidebar: Michael Trevino does a fine job playing KiT. I see (appropriate) differences in his mannerisms and even his diction, but I have to wonder if that's how it would really work. I mean, while a given voice itself comes with the equipment, accent is a learned thing. If Klaus's essence is running the KiT show, where is his accent? I realize it's probably a better meta-choice not to make Michael Trevino try to ape Joseph Morgan, but the accent issue takes me out of the moment during every single scene. I repeat: I don't blame Trevino. I just think this is a risk of all A-in-B's Body plots, particularly when the two characters and actors have such starkly different accents, in the first place.
Hospital. A Reverend Young (Michael Reilly Burke, see Vegas and Revenge) confronts Dr. Meredith Fell in the hallway. He's not there to get his blood pressure checked. He and his minions are there on Council Orders to secure the blood bank and sweep the rooms for vamps, among other things. He brags that unlike some people from founding families, he has no conflicting interests, and adds that since Alaric told the Council everything, Mere had better start looking for a new job.
Sidebar: Or...what, exactly? Is the Council going to tell the Virginia State licensing board that Meredith uses vampire blood to heal people? That ought to go over well. Don't even get me started on Young being a minister. I'll either rave about that later, or just try to block it out. I haven't decided yet.
Matt's hospital room. As Matt dresses and gets ready to check out, he vents to Caroline that it's all his fault Elena is going to be a vampire. How, exactly, Pudding Pop? I mean, yeah, you were driving, but you swerved to avoid Rebekah. Stefan saved you first, but you were unconscious, while the very conscious Elena probably had time to unbuckle hear seatbelt. Blame pretty much everyone except yourself. He doesn't listen. Caroline asks Matt to shush up the vampire talk since she's a fugitive. When Matt asks why she's still there, Caroline breaks down. Tyler's dead and she doesn't have anywhere to go. Matt hugs her, but then there's a knock on the door. Caroline whooshes out of view. It's one of Rev. Young's minions, just sweeping the rooms. Thankfully, he doesn't see our vampire Barbie. We cut to...
Mayoral Manse. The Rev moves fast. He's there, overseeing his minions as they cuff Carol and cart her out. When he says he's there to ask a few questions about Tyler, Carol non-sequiturs that they can't arrest her, since she's Mayor. Oh honey, since when can't we arrest politicians? It's our last defense, baby girl. The Rev doesn't even entertain her objection beyond pointing out that she's been removed from office.
Outside, when Liz arrives, the Mayor tells her she's out of a job too. She's not fit to protect them, so Rev has taken over her deputies, confiscated all the vervain in town, and they'll be taking Liz's badge, thank you very much. Liz: "You have no idea what you're up against." Rev begs to differ. "We're making our move."
Fortress Forbes. Caroline is throwing a few things together when Liz calls to warn her about Rev. Young and the new Council. Caroline pretends like she's already out of town, but when she opens the front door, one of the minions injects vervain right into her neck. Caroline drops her phone in the struggle. Liz yells out, "What's going on?" Before Caroline can shout anything useful, she passes out. Commercial.
Gilbert Gables Kitchen. Stefan makes Elena a sandwich but she can't choke it down. Stefan asks her if it's disgusting. Elena tries to lie, but admits she wants to puke and then confesses she can't stop thinking about blood. Question: Does food nauseate vampires on this show? I remember Stefan cooking for Elena. I can't remember if they eat. Is the sandwich disgusting because she's becoming a vamp, or is it only disgusting because she's still in a state of transition?
Anyhow, Stefan keeps second guessing his actions, but Elena reminds him he did the right thing -- he respected her choice. When he asks what will happen if Bonnie can't help her, Elena says they'll cross that bridge when they come to it. Get it? Bridge? Like where her parents died. Like where she and Stefan were heading when he THREW OUT HER CELL PHONE. Like the thing off of which she and Matt crashed. Because transition makes you irrational, IRRATIONAL, DO YOU GET IT, Elena cracks up -- with laughter. Nina Dobrev does fine with what she's given, here. I just don't care for that which she has been given. Stefan exposits bout heightened emotions. Elena cackles herself right into tears. Stefan hugs her and then sends her back to her room, where it's darker, since she crushed that evil lightbulb and all.
Upstairs, Elena (who is fully dressed in her typical Henley and jeans) spies Damon sitting on her window seat, so she says, "I thought you left." Damon doesn't look at her and non-sequiturs, "Cute PJs." We realize, before Elena does, that she's recovering some of the memories that that Damon had compelled her to forget. She feels like a third person in her otherwise empty room as she watches memory-Damon tell her memory-self that he's selfish for needing to tell her that he loves her, but loves her he does. It's because he loves her that he can't be selfish with her beyond this moment. He knows he doesn't deserve her, and says Stefan does. He kisses her on the forehead, then, as a single, perfect, manly tear escapes, he compels her to forget. Current day Elena snaps out of it and realizes what's just happened.
Klaus Haus. Rebekah is looking at Klaus's etchings and having a mini-tantrum, when Damon comes in. She tells him he shouldn't sneak up on a lady. Damon: "Good advice." A beat. "Have you seen one?" I saw that line coming a mile away, but I still enjoy it. Rebekah rubs it in about Elena's death (which she currently thinks is a regular mortal death). Damon, armed with Alaric's Perma-Son-of-White-Oak stake charges at Becky but she holds him off until arrows start flying through the windows, then he just Stealth-Salvatores out of there. Rebekah is struck in the heart and falls to the floor, unconscious. I'm pretty sure Damon leaves behind Perma-Son-of-White-Oak stake. Pity that.
Gilbert Gables. Elena's feeling all her feelings when she hears a commotion downstairs. Descending, she sees Stefan surrounded by the Rev and his minions. All are armed. Stefan orders her not to move. We cut to...
Lockwood Ruins. KiT is sitting on the casket that houses his original corpse, when Tyler's cell phone ring. KiT mutters, "Oh, you incessant woman," and then picks up the phone and puts on his cheeriest Tyler voice. "Hey mom, what's up?" Carol tells him that the Rev had her arrested and that the Council grilled her on his whereabouts. She doesn't want to know where he is. KiT lies that he's okay. Carol informs him that the Council took Caroline. Clearly, Klaus isn't over all his OMGCAROLINEPONIES feelings. We cut to...
The road. Caroline and Rebekah are bound with vervain ropes in the back of a police van. Once Rebekah comes to, there's a horrific crash. The van flips on its side. Soon it's KiT to the rescue. Caroline can't believe her eyes and shouldn't. "Tyler? [...] You're alive! How are you alive?" KiT gets Caroline out and tells her they have to run. Rebekah sings her usual song: "What about me?" KiT peeks back inside the van. "Keep 'em busy, little sister." Oh Klaus, she's so gonna kill you.
Gilbert Gables. Damon is tidying up when Liz arrives, and Mere comes out of the kitchen. Everyone compares notes on Rev, the new Council, and their missing loved ones. All they know is that Caroline managed to escape. Just then, Matt shows up looking for Elena. Because this is still The Vampire Diaries and Damon is still Damon, he throttles our Pudding Pop and pushes him up against a wall. "In what world are you the one that gets to live?" Mere and Liz talk Damon down just enough that he releases Matt.
Rev's Ranch: Yeah, the Reverend is a rancher and a pastor. I already hit that in the recaplet. Rev still thinks Elena is human (and apparently she used to babysit his daughter, and read her original short stories to the little girl), so Elena is trying to play it cool and figure out what she can, but EVERYTHING IS BOTHERING HER BECAUSE TRANSITIONING MAKES YOU TENSE. I mean, seriously, that is the overriding emotion of this episode. What a shame. The clock bothers her. The lit stove burner bothers her. The steak the Rev has cooked up for her bothers her. The Rev blahs about how the Gilbert parents insisted, years ago, upon a Council contingency plan. Elena asks where Stefan is. When the Rev says he's where he can't hurt Elena, she replies, "He would never hurt me. You don't know what you're talking about." I won't go through old recaps and remind her of the times he hurt her very much, because TRANSITIONING IS LIKE SO HARD, MAN. The Rev's plan is to use Elena and Stefan as Damon bait, and Rebekah as Original bait, and then they'll wipe out the vampire race. No fuss. No muss. No problem. Good luck with that, Rev. When the host with the most plops a slab of beef in front of Elena, she is overwhelmed by the clock ticking, the pulse in Rev's throat, the tea kettle whistle and she bolts outside.
Because she's not fully a vampire, she can be out in the sun without burning up, but it bothers her JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE DOES UP TO AND INCLUDING THAT STUPID LAMP. While shielding her eyes from the sun, one of the minions intercepts Elena. The last thing she sees is his fist traveling toward her pretty face. Commercial.
Woods. Caroline is so excited to see "Tyler" that even though they're on the run for their very unlives, she thinks it's a perfectly cromulent time to rip off their clothes and have sex. This makes me a little sad. I'm not sad that she's a sexual character. I'm not sad that she's mistaking KiT for Tyler. I'm not trying to slut shame. I'm just sad that there's been so little romance for this girl. Damon compelled her to be his chew toy/sex slave. She and Matt had a little romance, but not for long. She and Tyler's friendship moments have been pretty deep, in the past, but more often than not, their alone time is a race to rip of their clothes.
Oh, look, this turned into a Sidebar: Since the beginning of the series, it's been all let's get Caroline in her underthings as often as possible, whether it makes sense to the moment or not. This girl should be scared out of her wits. She should be (and is) glad to see "Tyler" alive, but vampire emotions or not, I find it hard to believe she thinks this is the time for a playful romp in the woods, and if she does, then I'm sad to see her return to this frivolous form, particularly while the whole town is exploding, her best friend is turning into a vampire, and there are people out to kill her, her boyfriend, and so many of their loved ones. Caroline is awesome. Please don't make her romances so one-dimensional.
Anyhow, since this is KiT, not Tyler, he lets her kiss him for a bit, but tries to demur from having sex. He hints that he's not in his true body and even calls her love at one point. Soon enough Caroline realizes this isn't Tyler at all. She smacks KiT, soon after he taunts her about being a glorious kisser. KiT reminds her that he didn't have to risk exposure to save her from the Council, but Caroline's mostly concerned with sanitizing her mouth. Hee. KiT's banter is amusing enough, but I can't help but feel that the main point of this scene was to objectify the actors' admittedly lovely bodies and blah.
Which-House-Witch-House. Bonnie's chanting while Jeremy looks on, just glad to be back on the show. The Witch Spirits don't want to play with Bonnie anymore, so she suggests there's something else she can try. She proposes going to the other side and bringing Elena back, herself. She'll stop her own heart, the way she stopped Jeremy's. Since witches have free rein on the other side, she can get whatever part of Elena is over there and bring it back. After all, she has a new source of power. Jeremy demands to know what she means, but Bonnie doesn't explain. I forget, so I go back and watch the last handful of episode from Season 3 before I remember. The magic Abby used to desiccate Mikael and Bonnie used to desiccate Klaus is dark magic, not pure like Bonnie's earth-given magic. You're welcome. Jeremy is not high on this idea, but he has no answer when Bonnie asks, "Do you want Elena back, or not?"
Sidebar: I've seen some fans complaining that Bonnie's still just Elena's tool. Since this was Bonnie's idea (I can't imagine Stefan thought this possible unless Bonnie mentioned it first), I don't think so. I don't spoil for this show, but I expect we're going to get a meaty Bonnie-goes-dark storyline. At least I certainly hope so.
Gilbert Gables. Damon lists all the things one would need to hold captive vampires. Matt: "The Pastor has a cattle ranch. Those pens could easily be modified." Mere comments that the ranch is remote and secluded. Damon tells Matt he's got a chance to prove himself useful.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch... Elena, Stefan, and Rebekah are all locked up in separate pens. There are large bunches of vervain hanging from the rafters, and a fan blows mist through vervain and all over our vampires. Everyone's coughing like they're my family during allergy season. Rebekah is disappointed to see she didn't kill Elena after all, but Elena ignores her taunts and asks where Stefan is. He's in the pen and when he makes his presence known, Elena cries to him that she didn't feed. Rebekah realizes what's going on and feels the need to narrate. She figures in three hours or so, she'll get to watch Elena die all over again. For Rebekah, that almost makes this the best day ever! Elena struggles with the bars on her cell but she can't budge them.
Which-House-Witch-House. Bonnie chants. There's spiritual echo. Her nose starts to bleed. Jeremy freaks out and tells her to open her eyes, but she won't listen to him. Dark magical trails run up her arms. Every Buffy fan ever thinks about Willow in Season Six. My family wonders when she'll barf up a snake. Bonnie passes out. Jeremy freaks some more.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch... Bonnie appears to Elena, and tells her to come back. She grabs her friend's hands and helps her to her feet. Elena: "Stefan, something's happening." Bonnie tells Elena they're going home. Elena looks hopeful for a moment, but then the Ghost of Grams rises up behind her and says, "No." Elena slumps to the ground. Grams tells Bonnie she can't be there (on the other side) and can't be messing with this sort of magic. When Bonnie protests because Elena needs her, Grams says, "She is not your problem to solve. Now go, before they try to keep you there." Bonnie begs her grandmother, but Grams blathers about nature's plan and threatens that the spirits will make her suffer.
Which-House-Witch-House. Jeremy is pleading with Bonnie to wake up, when she does just that. He takes her in his arms and I forget, for a moment, that these two ever broke up. Quietly, Bonnie says, "I couldn't do it. It didn't work." Commercial.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch... Elena tells Stefan she's out of time. She needs blood. She's dying. Stefan screams for the guards. Rebekah tells him to shut up. Finally, a guard shows up and tells Stefan to pipe down. Stefan says Elena will die if they don't release her. The guard says it's not his problem. Stefan's claims that she is innocent mean nothing to him. The guard turns to leave. Stefan screams at him, so the guard shoots him in the gut. Elena: "Stop!" Stefan gets back to his feet and grabs hold of his cell bars. "I said let her out." The guard shoots Stefan in the thigh and walks out. Rebekah can't tear her eyes off the scene before her because nobody's ever really loved her.
Which-House-Witch-House. Caroline and KiT are with Bonnie and Jeremy now. So much for keeping KiT a deep, dark secret. KiT commands Bonnie to return him to his original body. Bonnie's not strong enough right now, but KiT doesn't care about upset spirits. Caroline tries to reason with him, but it doesn't work. KiT tears open his shirt, insta-grows some claws, plunges them into Tyler's chest and threatens to pull Tyler's heart right out and then jump into Jeremy's body. Jeremy tries to call his bluff, insisting he'd need a witch for that. KiT says for all they know, he might have another witch or ten. He tells Bonnie to choose -- herself or Tyler. Bonnie agrees to do the spell.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch... I'd apologize for over-using that, but how often can you say, "Meanwhile, back at the ranch," and be accurate, unless you're a rancher. Anyhow, Stefan pulls the bullets out of his body, then checks on Elena. She lies that she's okay, but he can tell from her breathing that she's not. Stefan apologizes. Damon was right. She should have fed right away. Elena tells him not to be sorry. "You had hope. That's all I ever wanted you to have, and you had it." Stefan, eyes full of tears, says, "I love you so much." Elena: "Do you know why I was even on that bridge? I was coming back for you, Stefan. I had to choose and I picked you...because I love you. No matter what happens, it's the best choice I ever made." How, exactly? I don't even say that from a Damon/Elena point of view, but since she was on the bridge, which is what gave Beckster the opportunity to send Matt's truck careening over it, and since neither Damon nor Stefan (nor any of her friends) were dying, how exactly was that the best choice? I don't want to deny these two their tender moments. I was fine up until that line. Ugh.
Anyhow, Elena says it sucks that she can't see Stefan right now. And why not? I get why he can't bust out of the cell, but even breathing in vervain, I'm finding it hard to believe he can't bust through some (sort of rotted looking, and at least certainly dry and splintery) barn boards. I could bust through those and I'm old and weak. Stefan ignores me and tells Elena, "I'm smiling." He leaves out the detail of his single, perfect, manly tear. Elena says she's smiling too. Across the way, Rebekah is overcome by this touching scene and not nearly as eye rolly as I am, so let that be a lesson to me.
Outside, Matt and Damon arrive in front of the house. Getting out of Damon's car, Matt points out that they're unarmed. "So, we just storm the place with zero weapons?" Damon looks at the boy. "Nah. We don't need weapons, just bait." He charges at Matt and bites his throat. I spend a half hour writing Damon's name and crossing it out. It goes something like this: Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon. You get my drift. Commercial.
Rev opens his door, to see Damon's lips still dripping with Pudding Pop blood. Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon I'm on a break from Damon, so I'm not transcribing any of his banter. His point is that if the Rev gives him Stefan and Elena, he'll spare Matt's life. Just then, I think it's a minion -- someone shoots Damon. I spend a half hour writing minion and surrounding it with sparkles and pink ribbons, and I don't even like the minions.
Which-House-Witch-House. Bonnie chants. Jeremy kvetches about how this is black magic. No one on the writing staff seems to flinch about having a white male tell and African-American female that she's using black magic. Tyler returns to his own bod. Caroline notices the change first, but soon Tyler falls over. Bonnie keeps chanting. Ghost of Grams returns and tells Bonnie she warned her to stay away from this stuff. She grabs Bonnie's hands, and can't let them go. Jeremy (who can usually see ghosts) doesn't seem to be able to see Grams, and insists Bonnie stop. Caroline asks Bonnie what's happening. Bonnie's arms begin to shake, as do Ghost Grams'. The magical trail moves from Bonnie's arms to Grams' arms. Jeremy: "Bonnie, stop the spell." Grams: "You made your choice. Now they're taking it out on me." Grams writhes in pain. The trails make their way up her face. She cries out. Bonnie: "I'm sorry, Grams." Bonnie begs for whatever it is to stop giving Grams a henna tattoo, as Grams is allergic. (Yeah, I dragged that joke over from the recaplet, but come on.) When Ghost of Grams disappears, Bonnie falls to her knees, sobbing, "What have I done? What did I do?"
Meanwhile, back on the ranch... Minions march into the barn to hang more vervain. Stefan makes eyes at Rebekah, who nods back in agreement. Minion 1 tells Minion 2, "I've got this," bring the other one in. Rebekah appeals to Minion 1. "Excuse me. Oh, sir." She tells him how wealthy her family is. She is willing to buy her freedom. Minion 1 tells her he'd much rather watch her die. Rebekah roars at him and pushes him across to Stefan, who grabs him, possibly breaks his neck, and definitely bangs the guy's head against the bars until our minion collapses in a pool of his own blood. Stefan calls out to Elena. She opens her eyes and sees the blood, and even though the unconscious minion's hand seems within her grasp, she reaches past it (with so much struggle I almost fall asleep), dips her fingers in the less handy puddle of blood, and licks them.
Outside, both Damon and Matt are still down on the ground when two armed minions approach. They get on either side of Damon and kick him. He plays possum for a second then jumps to his feet and overtakes them both, staking at least one of these humans with his own rifle. Damon then turns to Matt, who is struggling to get up, and kicks him in the face. Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Matt: "Go ahead and kill me. You can't possibly hate me more than I hate myself." Damon: "Oh yes I can." He puts his foot on Matt's throat. "It should have been you." Before I leap through the screen and kill Damon, myself, it's Vamp Elena to the rescue. In full game face, she charges at Damon and knocks him away from Matt. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!" How did she get out of her cell, when neither Stefan nor Rebekah could get out, and they're much older and therefore more powerful than this baby vamp? Pshaw. What show are you watching, thinking you're going to get that sort of information? Conversely, if they did get out by reaching bleeding/dead minion's keys, why didn't they, or at least Stefan, come outside with Elena? Again I say, pshaw, what show are you watching? Blah. Commercial.
Matt stumbles into the barn, where he finds Stefan, who is out of his cell, but just wandering around. Okee dokee. More blah. When Matt collapses, it sort of looks and sounds like Stefan offers Matt his wrist, to get some healing vampire blood, but when Matt sits up, his lips are bone dry, so I'm not sure what that was supposed to be. Matt struggles away from Stefan. "Just stop. Stop saving me." Stefan: "What the hell is your problem?" Matt: "You want me to say thank you? Because honestly, I wish you'd just let me drown." Stefan: "You think you were my first choice?" Matt: "Elena's a vampire because of me. I have to live with that every day for the rest of my life." Stefan: "No no no no. You don't have to live with that, you get to live with that -- because Elena put your life before her own. So every morning you get out of bed, you sure as hell had better earn it."
Damon and Elena are still right in front of the house, but headed toward Damon's car. Stefan, Matt and Rebekah are nowhere in sight, nor is the Pastor, etc. Elena reads Damon the riot act about how he was going to kill Matt. Damon freely admits that's what he was doing, Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon Damon, but Matt is hard to kill.
Elena reminds Damon it was her choice to save Matt. Damon: "It's a little hard to keep track of all your choices lately, Elena." Ooh, burn. Elena: "I remember everything." This stops Damon in his tracks. Elena continues, "One of the highlights of my transition -- remembering everything that you compelled me to forget, like how you and I met first. We were strangers, and you told me you wanted me to get everything I wanted to get from life." Oh Show, that retcon didn't work so well, the first time we had to live through it. Must we? I mean, how is it even significant that they met first, unless you're going to have some gross Twilight-esque imprinting going on here, and I trust you aren't.
Anyhow, Elena is all, "Damon, why didn't you tell me?" Damon: "Would it have made a difference?" Elena looks at him, so Damon adds, "I didn't think so." Elena: "You asked me to make a choice Damon, so I did. If you're going to be mad, then take it out on me, not on Stefan, or Matt, or anyone else. Me." Damon asks if they're done. Elena's not. "If it had been you at the bridge last night, and not Stefan, and I begged you to save Matt..." Damon: "I would have saved you, in a heartbeat, no question." Elena: "That's what I thought, and then Matt would be dead because you couldn't let go. Matt would be dead!" Damon: "But you wouldn't be. And you would have gotten to grow up and had the life that you wanted -- the life you deserve. And I know I didn't used to get that, but I do now, and I wanted that for you, Elena. And I would have gladly given it to you and let Matt die, because I am that selfish. But you knew that already. The first night we met's not all that you remember." He sneers at her and walks away.
Klaus Haus. Klaus is packing up his remaining bags of Elena-blood when Rebekah returns home and gives him hell for saving Caroline over her. Klaus is still all up in his own head, so he mocks back, "Hello, brother. I thought you were dead. So pleased you're not." He explains he only had time to save one, and since she can't be killed, his choice was made, then goes on to say he had a worse day than she, which I'm not sure is entirely true, except how it took him so long to get his own way. He wants to move on and create some more werewolf hybrids. Rebekah mocks his desire to create a family, when he doesn't know anything about family. When Klaus says, "Well, I know how easily they can be sired with a dagger," Rebekah rushes at him and grabs one of the blood bags. She throws it across the room. It bursts and all the precious starter dough drips to the floor. She grabs the two remaining bags. Klaus orders her to drop them. Rebekah cries, "I mourned you. My heart broke thinking I'd never see you again." Klaus tries to placate her. "Put the blood down. There's a good girl." Rebekah: "It's always been me, not Finn, not Elijah, not Kol -- me. I loved you through everything and you didn't even care." Klaus: "DROP IT!" Rebekah: "You want your family? Here's your family." She crushes the bags until they burst. Klaus gives her the trademark throttle and tells her she's right. "I don't care. From this moment on, you're not my family. You're not my sister. You are nothing." He snaps her neck, which to a vampire is really just like causing someone to nap.
Mossy Manse Rooftop. Elena tells Stefan that since the Council members still know who they are, everything is about to change. Stefan says Damon probably already has a plan for revenge. They'll figure out a way to deal with it. Elena doesn't expect him to, but Stefan wishes he could tell her everything will always be okay. He talks about something being the worst thing she'll ever go through and I'm not sure if he's talking about craving blood, or just vampirism, in general. Whichever he means, Elena seems to understand the drawbacks, but is glad that she can still continue to be a sister and a friend. "And I'll be with you. Forever... if I want." Stefan smiles at that, and the two kiss tenderly. Elena: "I'm gonna get through this, just like we get through everything -- one day at a time. We should get inside, before sunrise." It's then that Stefan presents Elena with her own lapis lazuli daywalker ring. "Bonnie made this for you yesterday." Because even she knew her spell wasn't going to work. Sheeesh. Elena is pleased by this. Stefan slips the ring on her finger and says, "One day at a time, right?" They kiss again, just briefly. Elena lays her head on Stefan's shoulder and together they watch another day dawn.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch. It's full daylight, now. Inside the Pastor updates his minions or the reformed Council, or whomever this group of unrecognizables is supposed to be. We watch as he unhooks the gas hose from back of his stove, but no one in the kitchen seems to notice. Rev: "Folks, by now, you know the vampires have escaped." Someone hands out sprigs of vervain. Rev: "It won't be long before they retaliate against us." He bolts the door. "But fear not, for I have been chosen to lead us in a movement." Guy-With-A-Clue: "What are you talking about?" Rev: "Hear me, loved ones. Soon, we'll be free to pass through the gates." He pulls a cigarette lighter out of his pocket. "And we'll all reunite in eternity." Guy-With-A-Clue: "Seriously, Pastor, what's going on, here?" Rev flips open the lighter lid. "Friends, we are the beginning." People scream. The flames meet the gas which has managed to build up in the room in mere seconds, and KABOOM! Title card.
I've tried not to rethink this episode too much, because I know it's setting up the whole season, and at least where the last scene was concerned, I might have been getting ahead of myself when I wrote the recaplet. In retrospect, I suppose the Pastor could have taken himself and his minions to Kingdom Come, so that it would look like the Vampires did it. Still, I'm sad the show had him be such a one-dimensional character. It's an easy out: narrow minded pastor with a mission. I didn't like him either, but so why did we even have him in the first place? I've seen people wondering if Damon compelled the pastor to do this, but that guy was surely taking his vervain, so it would be sloppy if that's the case. So far, he's just another offensive stereotype, who complicated things just enough, so that there'd be some action. And now he's gone, so there's no chance to tell the story from the side of that particular scared human in a town crawling with vampires. At this point, I'm hoping he killed himself and his minions to set up the vampires, because otherwise, what a waste of my time, patience and goodwill.
I'll be back Friday with coverage of "Memorial." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we don't even have a gas stove.