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I'm still scrubbing my brains off the wall, so this is less of a recaplet, and more of a group therapy session for fans with PTSD. For the love of all that is holy (and un-), if you haven't watched "The Departed," please do not spoil yourself by reading this. I'm not going to summarize the plot. I'm going to discuss it. You ready? Okay!
First up, congratulations to the diehard Stefan and Elena fans. You win this round, but don't get cocky, darlings. There are undercurrents which threaten to capsize the good 'ship Stelena and guide the good 'ship Delena to (a probably not at all) safe harbor. Goodness, did I really use 'shipper portmanteaux? In my defense, I already told you my brains are still on the wall.
Via a series of flashbacks, "The Departed" plays fast, loose (and a bit heavy-handed) with parallels between the present, and that fateful day sophomore year, when Elena Gilbert lost her parents -- the day that Stefan Salvatore saved her life. That day was a life changer. This one will be, too. DO YOU GET IT? Even before the tragedy, Elena is already pulling away from high school sweetheart, Matt. Everyone is telling her she's got to make a choice. She's got to come clean with him. She must set him free. Sound familiar? Yes, a little too so.
"The Departed" takes great pains to put Stefan and Elena together in the now. Arguably though, Stefan is the current day's Matt, no matter who is kissing or choosing whom for the nonce. Why do I say that? Think back to season one, when Elena and Stefan discuss the lack of passion she felt for Matt. Now consider Elena's current-day conversation with Matt -- about her feelings for Stefan and Damon (and if you like, recall that recent steamy kiss between Damon and Elena).
Elena does still love Stefan; I'll give you that. She's truthful when she tells Damon she never "unfell" for his brother. It's the way she describes Damon though, that is most telling. She tells Matt that Damon "consumes" her. Since, by episode's end, Miss Gilbert is a vampire, and since vampires feel everything more intensely, a good argument can be made that season, Elena is going to sizzle whenever our smoking hot Evil Pixie Monster enters her orbit. Feel the burn, Girlpire!
There's also that whole business with Elena telling Damon that maybe things would have been different, had she met him first. Thanks to a flashback, we soon learn that's exactly how it went down. Elena just doesn't remember, because Damon compelled her to forget. I have to revisit the episode in which Caroline was turned, but I think, now that Elena is a vampire, she's going to recover that memory. If you are sure of this point in canon, please tweet me.
I don't mean to pee on the Stefan and Elena parade. This triangle remains viable because each character is devoted to the other two. It's surely significant in the Stefan-y sense, that even though Damon is all alone, and likely an hour from death, Elena chooses to return to Stefan and friends in Mystic Falls. Similarly, it means something when Elena tells Damon she "cares" for him yet "loves" Stefan. Part of me thinks though, that it mostly means the writers like to poke the 'shippers. Since Elena is now a vampire, I expect season we'll be playing a brand new game, with a different set of rules. The morality on this show has always been an amorphous beast. As a vampire, Elena may not be constrained by exactly the same ideals that guided her as a human.
Now how about Tyler and Caroline? Are your hearts breaking for them? Caroline, in the first flush of young love, will go anywhere. She'll leave hearth, home, family and friends, provided her Pudding Pup Tyler is by her side. Once Vamparic stakes Desikklaus, and Tyler learns his moments are numbered, he's bravely relieved that at least Caroline will live what he knows will be a beautiful life. Um. Unless that was already Klaus wearing Tyler's mighty fine meat suit. I have to admit, I'm still a bit foggy on that. What do you think? When did Tyler stop being Tyler and start being Klaus? Tweet that at me, too.
How about Team Human? Are Jeremy and Matt bold, brash, and way out of line? Yes, but they are gutsy. They're tired of this vampire crap infecting their lives and being a constant threat to Elena's. When they see an opening, they take it. Hooray! Speaking of Matt, since Elena insists Stefan first rescue my Pudding Pop, I am deciding he lives on. I will brook no insolence on this point. (Do you feel me, Julie Plec?) My heart hurts for Jeremy that he will think, even for the littlest of whiles, that his sister is forever lost to him. I'm going to worry about him all summer, which I'm pretty sure means I need help of the psychiatric kind.
Then there's our witch. Which old witch? The wicked witch. Miss Bonnie is going rogue, which means she might matter, season. Please, Show. Don't let us down. I couldn't care less if she uses her agency for good or ill. I'm just thrilled to pieces that she is exercising it.
I don't know what to think about the Klaus/Tyler switcheroo. I'm disappointed that none of the Originals really bit the dust last night, but since Klaus is the sire of the Salvatore line, I guess that's a good thing. I'm just not sure who we're going to see season -- Michael Trevino or Joseph Morgan -- and I really can't decide whom I'd rather see. One thing is certain; I'm still suffering Original fatigue. I hope the summer hiatus is enough of a breather. Wait. Let me take back that Original fatigue whinge, because any episode that gives me some Elijah is sure to leave me smiling, even while I'm cringing, shaking, and crying. It's Klaus as Big Bad and Rebekah as Big Baby, of which I've had more than my fill.
I'm so grateful for the tender scene between Jeremy and Ghost-Alaric. If he had bowed after beating the daylights out of poor Damon, I would be celebrating Ric's death. I don't want to celebrate Ric's death. He's been our anchor. If he is to be lost to us, I want to feel that loss. I want to mourn it. Having his ghost visit Jeremy and promise to always look out for him, was a beautiful moment between the actors and the characters, as well as a grace note for a shell-shocked audience.
"The Departed" is not without its missteps. Vamparic seems nearly omnipotent and omnipresent -- so much so that he strains credulity. Also, there are a couple of scenes that are more confusing than they should be. The parallels between sophomore year and now are sometimes ham-fisted. The script telegraphs a bit much at times; the episode signals what is to come, more than it should. Still, even though I expected Elena to be vamped, and knew Bonnie was up to something with Desikklaus, I was on the edge of my seat throughout the episode. In the end, "The Departed" leaves us sitting both prettily and perilously, in anticipation of season four. Well done, Show.
I'll be back with the full weecap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode up top and join us in the forum, where the disembodied voice of Damon keeps yelling at us.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Caveat lector: EW.com published an interview with show-runner Julie Plec. I'm not going to pretend I haven't read it, because it answers a few questions I had. I discuss those answers in the pages ahead, because I don't think of them as spoilers. If you're one of those fans who goes into anaphylactic shock when you're exposed to any information that goes beyond, "The show returns in the fall," then you should not read this weecap. This is your only warning. All right, let's get to The Vampire Diaries Season 3 finale, "The Departed."
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries, Stefan loves Elena, but knows she has feelings for Damon. Elena makes out with Damon. Esther lets loose her inner Eloise Hawking, and turns beloved history teacher/guardian/souse Alaric into hateful temporary Original vampire-vampire slayer, Vamparic. Once Elena dies, Vamparic will die. Klaus turned Tyler and he also claims to be the originator of the Salvatore vampire bloodline, which includes Caroline, as well as Bonnie's useless mother -- Abby Abandoner. Bonnie wants to desiccate Vamparic, but ends up desiccating Klaus, which gives us Desikklaus, but before Klaus is desiccated, he drains Elena of nearly all her blood. When the Salvatores ride to the rescue, Elena gets caught in their Klaus kerfuffle. She hits her head and is knocked out. Stefan and Damon set out on a road trip to dump Desikklaus in the Atlantic. At home, late at night, Elena passes out and is bleeding from the nose, which seldom ends well.
Gilbert Gables: Elena's alarm goes off at 6:45 AM. The clock is sitting atop a book. One reader thought the title reads Our Love Will Live Forever. I can't tell what the title is, because the stupid CW has an even stupider "Game On! CWINGO" graphic over the second half. The words I can see read: Our Love Is..., so gentle reader, you're close enough. It's certainly something schlocky, and likely telegraphs Elena's choice.
Elena springs out of bed, cranks up the radio, and bops to P!nk's "So What." That's right, girl. You are a rock star. Smiling at her pretty self in the mirror, she gathers her hair into a ponytail. She picks up her pompoms (not a euphemism) and tosses them across the room. They land on the window seat, where waits not her oh so emo diary, but rather, her cheering uniform. Clearly, this is a flashback, so please give us some Aunt Jenna. Please. Please. Please!
When Elena comes downstairs, she's wearing her uniform and YES Jenna is in the kitchen! Elena whispers to her, "Jeremy locked himself in the bathroom, again. Does he think we don't know what he's doing in there?" Oh yuck, Show. C'mon. Be better than that. Jenna smiles. "He's 14. They don't think." All right, I don't want to hear about anyone's um... private time, and I really don't want to think about a 14 year old kid's private time. Let's just decide he's popping zits and start a new paragraph.
When Elena grabs the coffee pot, Jenna stops her. "You'll get me in trouble with your..." Oh no. Am I going to start crying this soon? Darn you, Julie Plec. You could have warned me that I would need wine, rather than Arizona Iced Tea. Yep. Here come the tears, because here comes Elena's mom -- not her blood sucking bio-mom, Isobel, either. It's her real mom -- real as in: changed the poopy diapers; did the 2:00 AM feedings; kissed the boo-boos; hugged away the tears. It's Miranda Sommers Gilbert (played by Erin Beute). Miranda grabs her baby girl's face, kisses her good morning and tucks stray hairs behind Elena's ears. Elena says, "Good morning, mom." I cry. We cut to...
Mystic Falls Hospital. Elena wakes in a dark room. She hears the monitor beeping and notices the pulse-oximeter on her left index finger. Go back to sleep, Elena. Go back to sleep and dream about your auntie and mommy, and don't have the day I know you're about to have. She ignores me and moves as if she's about to sit up. The title card flashes on the screen to spare me. And then it's gone.
We're looking at Elena through a window now. Out in the hospital corridor, Dr. Meredith Fell assures Jeremy that his big sister is going to be fine, which is our third clue she's never going to be fine, ever again (the second being that vampire-blood-dosing Mere is her doctor, and the first being that this is the third season finale of The Vampire Diaries). "She got a little banged up today -- hit her head, but it was just a slight concussion. Nothing to worry about." Don't you believe her, Germ! When you're not stoned, you're not stupid. You must have seen Elena bleeding from the nose. That is not a slight concussion. Jeremy: "But she collapsed. There was blood." Oh my word, is he listening to me? If so, does that mean I'm a ghost? Well, never mind. He's not going to heed me, if Meredith can help it. "Honestly, Jeremy, she's okay. She's just -- she's been through a lot. Is there anyone you want to call?" No, there's no one he wants to call, so we cut to...
Stefan and Damon are still en route to dumping Desikklaus, when Jeremy calls them. They berate him for taking Elena to the hospital where she'll be a sitting duck. They say he should have called on the "parade" of vampires at his disposal. Of course, there really isn't a parade of vampires at Jeremy's disposal, because you two jackholes are on the road, and as you mentioned every remaining Original wants Elena dead. There's Tyler and there's Caroline. Yes, Jeremy should have called Caroline, because she makes everything better, always, but I bet her phone is off, now that Tyler is no longer sire-bound. Just sayin'... They give Jeremy his marching orders: "Get Elena home." They're on their way.
When they end the call, Damon asks Stefan, "Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you not being the dumbest brother on earth?" Um, you boys know I love you, right? Good, because right now, I hate your blood-sucking guts. Firstly, most of the fallout you've dealt with this season is because Stefan chose to become Klaus's Ripper-bitch, to save Damon's already overly long life, and then once he was free of the Klaus thrall, he decided to torment the psychopath. Secondly, you two knew Elena suffered severe blood loss. You saw her hit her head and get knocked out. You then left her on her porch and went on your stupid road trip, instead of grabbing Matt and Jeremy and asking them to help you store Desikklaus in the No Vampires Allowed Cave. You are not nearly the strategists you think you are.
Stefan says one of them has to keep moving and hide Desikklaus from Vamparic, just in case Klaus sired their bloodline. I must have woken up all Xander-y today because right now I just want to take a stand and say vampires are bad, even these pretty ones. Our little human girl, Elena, is willing to die for her friends, but when she's arguably most vulnerable, they're more worried about protecting their bloodline than they are about this injured girl they profess to love -- one who is, by their own admission, target numero uno to the most powerful vampire clan known to this sorry old world. [Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. --Jesus] I am standing firmly with Team Human, this week. If you don't like it, bite me. Anyhow, Damon tells Stefan, "Our life is one big proverbial coin toss." Well, if a coin toss was good enough for Abby Abandoner, then it's more than good enough for you two. That's how mad I am at you boys. That's exactly how mad I am.
Hospital. Meredith returns to her office to find Vamparic waiting. He's there for Elena. Now that he's calling the shots at the Council, he has eyes and ears all over the place. He tells Meredith she's a little too good at her job, but only because she cheats. And with that, he takes her small stash of healing vampire blood and pours it out. It spills on the papers all over her desk. He also informs Mere that the Council is going to get the Medical Board to suspend her medical license, and that Mayor Lockwood and Sheriff Forbes are being relieved of their duties. He claims status as Elena's guardian and demands Mere release the girl to his custody. I'd go on about how she's an 18-year-old, and therefore probably not under his guardianship, but it doesn't matter. When Vamparic gets to Elena's room, she's already gone.
Matt, Tyler and Caroline see Elena home. The boys make sure no one is lurking in the closets while Caroline enforces doctor's orders and insists Elena rest on the couch. Given their relative strength, Caroline should be the one searching for things that go bump in the night while Matt should be playing doctor. Whatever. Care Bear offers Elena tea, vodka or a combo. Um, really kids, the booze is not the best idea. Elena isn't having muscle spasms. As far as you know, she has a concussion, and since that diagnosis comes from Mere, it should immediately be upgraded in your minds to subdural hematoma. And then there's her blood loss. Caroline, while you win at vampyrism and practically everything else, you fail at playing nurse. The girlfriends share a nice moment, then Caroline wanders off to booze up her severely injured friend. Once she's alone, Elena stares at the old photographs on the end table. There's one of her and her with Grayson and Miranda, and one of her alone, in her cheerleading uniform. We flash back to...
Sophomore Year, Mystic Falls High School, Exterior. Matt and Elena are holding hands. Bonnie plays the welcomed third wheel. Both girls are wearing their uniforms which is weird because all these flashbacks revolve around a single day -- the day the Gilbert parents died, and I'm pretty sure they died in May which is hardly football season. By school standards, it shouldn't even be basketball season. Do they cheer for spring soccer or something? I know. I know. It's just an excuse to reveal more flesh, and Dobrev and Graham surely are gorgeous. I'll stop being a killjoy.
Anyhow, Elena laughs as she tells her friends, "Caroline Forbes said my ponytail lacked juzz..." or juj, or possibly jush. I looked this stuff up on Urban Dictionary and it's not what Caroline was going for, lemme tell ya. She must have been going for a slang version of the peppy sense of juice. Editorial, feel free to weigh in here, or not. I am pretty sure you're all younger than I. [Note: No dice, but I did find these .gifs! -- Rachel.] The point is, we're back in the days in which life in Mystic Falls was awesome, and Caroline Forbes was a miserable, jealous, petty also-ran. These days, Caroline Forbes is awesome. It's life in Mystic Falls that is miserable. Pretty fair trade, says I. We're also back in the days when Bonnie is trying to convince everyone she's psychic, which is less impressive now because we know she's a powerful witch, but honestly, Elena wasn't even impressed back then. Bonnie has a bad feeling about the bonfire tonight. Elena says it doesn't matter. She can't go. Aunt Jenna is visiting, so the 'rents want a family night. Matt begs Elena to sneak out or something. He kisses her then says he has to leave to meet with All-Trades Tanner. When Matt says he loves her, Elena just smiles. After he's gone, Bonnie calls Elena out on not saying it back. Elena tries to play dumb, but Bonnie won't let her, and says if she's not feeling it with Matt anymore, she can't string him along. She should just tell him. DO YOU GET THE PARALLEL?
Present, Night. Elena wakes with a start to find Matt watching a little too closely over her. You all know I love my Pudding Pop, but that was creepy. No wonder Elena couldn't sleep. When Matt asks what she was dreaming about, Elena confesses, "Sophomore year." She apologizes for stringing him along back then. The parallel to her current situation is ham-fisted even before she comes right out and says that she's doing the same thing with the Salvatores now. Anyhow, she knows she has to let one go. Matt asks, "Which one?" Just then, Stefan arrives, saving Elena from having to answer. She hugs him, and we cut to...
Mystic Grill. Jeremy, proving that Team Human has its act together, picks up some food for his injured sister. Before he can leave though, Vamparic sidles up to him, and plops two bottles of beer on the bar. He looks at the Germ and says, "We need to talk."
Gilbert Gables. Elena complains about being over-coddled. Stefan, who seems to be cooking even though Jeremy just picked up some take-out, tells her she's supposed to be coddled. Matt mentions it would be smarter to just get her out of town, but Elena equates that with being on the run for the rest of her life. She rises from the couch, balls up her blankets and declares, "I'm not an invalid. I'm done with the couch." As she marches off the other room, Matt asks Stefan if he's just going to let Elena call all the shots. Stefan's all Yo, that's what I do. Matt: "Even if they're wrong?" Stefan: "Nothing wrong with free will, Matt. Trust me, you don't realize that 'til you lose it." Oh, the telegraphing resonates so hard in my brain, I'm struggling not to type the rest of this recap in Morse Code. .-- . / --. . - / .. - --..-- / ... .... --- .-- .-.-.- / . .-.. . -. .- / .. ... / --. --- .. -. --. / - --- / -... . / - ..- .-. -. . -.. --..-- / .- --. .- .. -. ... - / .... . .-. / .-- .. .-.. .-.. .-.-.- . Who cares about all that, though? Just then, Elena calls to Stefan. When the guys turn their attention to the Elena, they see the door open, and Elijah standing there is all his beautifully beautiful beauty! Commercial.
Mystic Grill. I've got to pick up the pace, huh? Vamparic wants to know where Desikklaus is. Jeremy's wouldn't tell Vamparic even if he knew. Vamparic tries to sweeten the pot. He knows Jeremy is no fan of the Fang Gang. He'll get rid of all the vampires and Jeremy will no longer have to deal with them even though his sister can't let them go. Once the vamps are gone, Vamparic will die, too. Jeremy doesn't want Elena to die (which is what's going to kill Vamparic) so Vamparic tells him that after the rest of the vamps are dead, they can lock him up. Bonnie can desiccate him and Elena can live out the rest of her natural life. When she passes, he'll be gone, too. Vamparic then takes out the Indestructo Son of White Oak stake (ISoWOs), but it's just more Original-killing exposition. Vamparic tells Jeremy to be on the right side of this issue. Xander and I sorta agree.
Gilbert Gables. Elijah blathers about ISoWOs, too. Once it's been disarmed, the Mikaelsons will scatter and take Desikklaus with them. Alaric will, presumably, follow. The Fellowship of the Falls can live in peace. Stefan and Elena don't trust Elijah, mostly because he's screwed them over more often than not. Elena doesn't want Desikklaus undesiccated, obvo. Elijah promises that he will leave Desikklaus desiccated until Elena and even her future children have died off. Then he does the best thing ever. He fiddles with the table setting, until it's properly aligned and says, "Perhaps that will finally teach him some manners?" No, really. It's just adorable. Look here. Gosh, I want the Elijah show.
As co-captain of Team Human, Matt is immune to Elijah's not inconsiderable charms. "Why should she trust you? All you've done is screw her over." Elijah: "And for that, I'm deeply ashamed. But know this: she could have been dead the instant I walked through that door tonight. So, Elena, I leave it to you to make the decision whether to trust me or not." Suddenly, Damon's disembodied voice chimes in. "Not! Hello! Did that concussion give you brain damage?" Ha! He's on speaker phone, but at first I had this image of Damon suddenly being able to sense the stupid and push his thoughts to wherever they're most needed, so I'm going to keep pretending that is what's happening in this scene. Disembodied Damon continues: "His lunatic siblings will kill you the first chance they get." Elijah swears that Rebekah and Kol will honor the terms; return Desikklaus and Elena will come to no harm. "Do we have a deal?" Disembodied Damon: "No! No, no, no, no. Did I mention no?!" Stefan shakes his head and tells Elena it's up to her. Disembodied Damon: "Oh, come on!" Elena asks Elijah why he wants Desikklaus. Elijah says, "He's my brother. We remain together." Our Lady of Compassionate Yet Questionable Judgment makes her decision. "We have a deal." Before Damon can will himself through the phone lines and strangle everyone at Gilbert Gables, we cut to...
Mayoral Mansion. Carol Lockwood and Liz Forbes are waiting for Tyler and Caroline. They explain to the kids how Vamparic outed them to the Council. Everyone knows what they are. The Council is looking for Klaus and then they're going to come looking for Caroline and Tyler. The moms can't protect their children any longer, so they've gotten together some cash and fake IDs. They want the kids to run. Caroline objects at first, but the mothers won't take no for an answer.
Gilbert Gables Front Porch. Like Matt, Jeremy wants to grab Elena and get her out of here and away from all this. Matt suggests that's exactly what they do. There's a bit of a weird fake out, here. Jeremy says even if he wanted to help Vamparic, he has no idea where Desikklaus is. Matt says, "I do." Jeremy looks at him. We cut to the...
Mystic Grill. Jeremy calls Vamparic and says he knows where Desikklaus is. "Damon's on his way to bury him in the woods off Route 12. I'll text you with the specifics." Vamparic thanks Jeremy and tells him he's doing the right thing for his sister. We cut to Jeremy who exchanges a look with Elena. After he hangs up, Jeremy tells Elena, Stefan, Elijah and Matt, "He bought it." Commercial.
Mayoral Mansion. Caroline doesn't want to leave town when their friends need them. Tyler points out their mothers need them to stay alive. He says the Salvatores will protect themselves and then adds, "Let me protect you." Caroline will go anywhere with Tyler. She'll run if he wants, but first, she needs to help her friends. They agree to meet in the old Lockwood dungeon in two hours. Tyler notes they have to travel light and asks Caroline what she needs. "Ah, just you... Maybe a curling iron." Love her. When she says she has to tell Bonnie, Tyler says he'll call Bonnie. I'm sticking a pin in that comment. They kiss and Caroline runs off.
Storage Facility That is Close Enough for Bonnie, Rebekah and Alaric to Reach and Leave, but is Far too Far for Damon to Leave (SFTiCEfBRaAtRaLbiFtFfDtL). Damon complains to Bonnie about Elena's decision. When Bonnie says, "It was her call," Damon answers, "You know what else was her call? Everything bad, ever." Hold up a second, Brain Trust. Since Alaric knows about it, and now has humans on his side, perhaps the No Vampires Allowed Cave wouldn't be the best Desikklaus hiding place, but neither is a random storage facility that any and all can enter. You've been pretty productive this season, but you are still the King of Capriciousness. You live in a glass house, is what I'm saying.
Damon leads Bonnie to SFTiCEfBRaAtRaLbiFtFfDtL Storage Unit 1020 (because "666" was too obvious), where Desikklaus rests in not exactly peace. When Bonnie opens his casket, Desikklaus opens his eyes. Damon says, "Whoa, creepy." I think I might have nightmares about that all summer. Damon tells Bonnie to get on with casting a spell that will shield Desikklaus from any locator spells. That is, he doesn't want to give Vamparic the chance to co-opt a witch and force her to locate Desikklaus. Bonnie says she wants a minute alone with Desi. Damon foolishly finds nothing hinky about that. He closes the storage unit door when he leaves and apparently doesn't even use his vamponic hearing to eaves drop, and yet he questions Our Lady of Compassionate Yet Questionable Judgment's judgment? Pixie, please! Alone with Desikklaus, Bonnie looks at him for a moment. "You should burn in Hell, but if you die, so do my friends, so does my mother. What am I supposed to do about that?" Oh, I don't know, Bon, but it's gonna be totes awesome, totes terrible, or totes both.
Gilbert Gables. Stefan and crew plan to ambush Vamparic at the fake Desikklaus location. Elena pleads with Stefan to make sure Jeremy is safe. Stefan says they have strength in numbers so Jeremy will be okay. Elena feels like every time someone walks out of her house, there's a chance they might not make it back. Stefan promises to do everything in his power to make sure they all come back. As he starts to leave, Elena wants to say something to him but then changes her mind. Stefan looks at her, turns away, turns back and marches right up to her. Taking her face in his hands, he kisses her long and hard. "That's just in case there is no later." Alone, Elena tries to smother a smile. .-- .... --- / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / . .-.. . -. .- / -.-. .... --- --- ... . ..--.. / .... --- .-- / . ...- . .-. / -.-. .- -. / .-- . / --. ..- . ... ... ..--..
Storage Facility. Damon's lounging on a couch as he calls Stefan to report that Bonnie has just left SFTiCEfBRaAtRaLbiFtFfDtL, and Rebekah should be there soon to pick up Desikklaus. Stefan says he's got Caroline and Elijah in place. "Jeremy will lead Alaric to us." When Damon gives Stefan crap about letting Elena make the decision, Stefan asks big brother what he would have done. Damon: "Grabbed her. Gagged her. Threw her in a well. I don't know -- anything other than let her trust Elijah!" Stefan chuckles as he says Elena would hate him for that. Damon knows. "Yeah, but she'd be alive, and she'd hate me. Thus the eternal difference between you and me, brother." This is not unimportant. Stefan says, "As soon as we get the stake, hand over the coffin and get out. Alaric's got half the police looking for Klaus's car." What? Did they desiccate Klaus and then swipe his car? That's fairly awesome. Or maybe Becky is using it. Either way, it works for me. When the SFTiCEfBRaAtRaLbiFtFfDtL elevator bell rings, Damon says he's got to go. "The Original sister is here."
Damon walks out into the hallway. "It's about time, Sexy Becks." It's not Rebekah, though. It's Vamparic. He grabs Damon in a headlock and asks where Desikklaus is. Damon's all, "How did you find me?" Vamparic sings the praises of Law Enforcement Officers who aren't corrupted by vampires. When Damon fess up which locker holds Desikklaus, Vamparic snaps his neck. I kind of feel bad that human Alaric never got to do that. M-m-memories... Oh and commercial.
Gilbert Gables. Matt brings Elena some tea. When she cringes after taking a sip, Matt lies that he added too much honey and then he asks her about her feelings for Stefan. She gives him the backstory on how Stefan saved her life. Matt wonders if she thinks she owes him something. Elena says it's not that. After the accident, she felt like she didn't know how to live anymore -- and that she didn't want to. After she met Stefan, she started to figure it out. "That's what love should be. You should love the person that makes you glad you're alive. [...] The problem is Damon. When I'm with him, it just consumes me, and I know that I can't love them both. I know that it's wrong, but I -- when I choose one, then I lose the other, and I don't want to lose anyone else. I--I just I wish that I had my mom here to give me some advice." Elena sighs, drinks her tea and stares out the window. We flash back to that fateful night...
Sophomoric Elena is walking away from the bonfire when she calls home. Jenna is good-natured as she complains that Grayson Gilbert (Jason MacDonald) is making her play Pictionary. "I suck at Pictionary." Aw. Me too, Jenna. Me too. Elena wants a ride home and needs to talk to a real grown-up anyhow, so Jenna puts Miranda on the phone. Matt and Elena had a big fight. He's being too pushy about their future. Miranda says he doesn't mean to be; he's just trying to suss out how she feels about him. Elena claims she doesn't know how she feels. Mama isn't buying that any more than I've bought that she doesn't know if she has feelings for Damon. Elena is afraid if she's honest with Matt, she'll lose him. Miranda wisely says that she won't be losing Matt. She'll be setting him free. We cut back to the...
Present. Matt's Truck. That's right, Matt "Pudding Pop" Donovan, co-captain of tonight's awesome Team Human, drugged Miss Elena Gilbert and is driving her out of town. She doesn't have any parents to tell her what's right and wrong. "You've got me and Jeremy, and a bunch of vampires fighting a war you shouldn't be in the middle of." I realize my blatant hypocrisy here. I hate it when the Salvatores (usually, but not always Damon) take Elena's choice away from her. I love that Matt and Jeremy do so tonight. It's different. They're not these immortal creatures waiting to see who gets the slice of Elena Pie. They're just her old sweetheart/dear friend and her brother, who are sick and tired of this vampire crap. Getting her out of town is the only way to keep her safe.
SFTiCEfBRaAtRaLbiFtFfDtL. Vamparic strolls the halls, opening random storage lockers but hasn't found Desikklaus before he hears the Rebekah arrive. In a truly chilling scene, he stalks her through the facility as she calls out for Damon. Finally, Damon grabs her, muzzles her with his hand and tells her what is the what. Vamparic arrives in front of unit 1020. When he opens it, Desikklaus's corpse is not in there. Now, Vamparic had walked by a whole bunch of units. What made him stop at this one? It's just a little too pat for me. I'm getting ahead of myself. Wait. Okay, we cut to the parking garage. Damon and Rebekah wheel Desikklaus's casket toward a car. Vamparic pops out of nowhere, grabs Rebekah, smashes her head against a car and throws her across the room, even though he should not be stronger than she. he kicks Damon across the room. Before Rebekah and Damon can recover, Vamparic whips out his ISoWOs and throws open the lid on Desikklaus's coffin. Damon and Rebekah scream, "No!" Desiklaus can see what's coming, too. Alaric raises ISoWOs and plunges it into Desikklaus. Rebekah tries to run to her brother's aid, but Damon holds her back. Desikklaus starts to burn. Vamparic looks at Rebekah and Damon, pulls the stake out of Desikklaus, and slams shut the casket lid. He starts toward Rebekah, but Damon orders her to run. He charges Vamparic to buy Rebekah some time. Vamparic easily throws Damon off and Stealth Salvatores after Rebekah. Commercial.
Sidebar: Okay, so you know I said that Alaric finding the right storage unit was too pat for me? It really just was. He could have just as easily used his super-hearing to hear Becky and Damon wheeling something out. Watching him by-pass a bunch of closed lockers, then opening just the right one, and seeing the casket isn't in it? That does not work for me. I mean, the casket wasn't in any of the units he opened before Rebekah arrived. Right? Similarly, I'm frustrated that he knew where to find the Storage Facility in the first place. He's practically omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent in this episode. Yeah, the cops are helping him. Whatever. It's just facile. I understand the reason for it. The reason for having this action take place so far away, is so that Elena will have to choose to go to Damon or to Stefan, when she thinks they're dying. But somehow, that makes it worse. Whatever. I really liked this episode. I just had to get that off my chest. Also, sure it's easy for me to say now, but even when I first watched this episode, I thought Alaric took that stake out of Klaus way too early. Also, I wondered if shutting the coffin wouldn't smother the flames. (I'm shouting out to my friends Lisa and Dawn, here.) Add those facts to the near certainty that Bonnie was likely up to something when she wanted some alone time with Desikklaus. It all made me pretty sure Klaus would survive this episode. While I love Joseph Morgan, I am so tired of Klaus as Big Bad. There. I feel better and the commercial is over, so let's get back to work.
Damon is sitting on the SFTiCEfBRaAtRaLbiFtFfDtL garage floor when he calls Stefan and reports that Klaus is dead. Stefan says he feels okay and asks Damon if he feels anything. If Klaus wasn't lying about siring their bloodline, they have maybe an hour left to live. Stefan says that's not enough time to get Damon back to Mystic Falls. Damon: "What, so we can have our epic goodbye, Stefan?" Stefan's eyes fill but don't spill. "Not us, brother. You and Elena." This hits Damon where he lives. He's teary too, and says, "Well, I guess you'll just have to say goodbye for both of us, won't you? Call me if you cough up a lung." Isn't it romantic?
When Stefan hangs up the phone, Jeremy makes his confession. "Stefan, Elena's not at home. Matt and I -- we're getting her out of town." Stefan says it's going to be fine. "Klaus was lying. We're all going to be okay." Just then, Elijah and Caroline arrive. Elijah asks what happened. Caroline can tell by looking at Stefan's face. We cut to...
Matt's Truck. He's just gotten the news from Jeremy. Elena insists they return because all their friends are going to die. It's then that Matt tells Elena that Damon is a hundred miles out of town. He can drive her back to Stefan and Mystic Falls, or he can drive her to Damon. It's her choice. DO YOU DIG? We cut to...
SFTiCEfBRaAtRaLbiFtFfDtL. Damon's phone rings. It's Elena. He's not having any symptoms yet, and is sure they'll have a laugh when they learn Klaus is a liar. Damon asks where Elena is. She says, "Matt's taking me home," and the look on Damon's face breaks my heart. He says, "To Stefan." Elena says, "Not just Stefan, Damon. To Tyler. To Caroline." Damon says he gets it, but he has to break his own heart and mine, anyhow. "So, since I'm possibly a dead man, can I ask you a question? [...] If it was just down to him and me, and you had to make a choice who got the goodbye, who would it be?" No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Don't ask that, Evil Pixie Monster! It's just going to break your heart.
Elena fights back her tears. "I love him, Damon. He came into my life at a time when I needed someone, and I fell for him instantly. No matter what I feel for you, I -- I never unfell for him." Damon: "Hey, I get it. It's Stefan. It's always going to be Stefan." Well, that's a shout out to last season -- one I can't be arsed to research. Elena: "I can't think about always. All I can think about is right now. And I care about you, Damon, which is why I have to let you go. I mean, maybe if you and I had met first...." Damon says, "Maybe." As Elena assures Damon he's going to be fine, Damon turns to see Vamparic has returned. When Elena says she will see Damon soon, he says, "Real soon. Goodbye, Elena," and hangs up the phone. When he taunts his old bromance about failing to catch up to Rebekah, Vamparic punches Damon in the face -- knocking him to the floor.
Caroline runs into the old Lockwood Dungeon crying Tyler's name. He appears and scoops her up in his arms, as he says, "Sorry, I was just with Bonnie. What happened?" Caroline sobs that Klaus is dead. Tyler takes this in and says, "You're going to be fine, Caroline. [...] I'm a lost cause, but you're strong and you have a beautiful future ahead of you." Okay, so he's already Klaus here, but I'll hit that in a sidebar. Let me finish the scene, first. Tyler: "When you make it through this, just tell my mother I left town like I was supposed to, okay?" They kiss passionately. Caroline holds onto Tyler for dear life as she sobs. Suddenly, Tyler winces. Moaning in pain, he breaks free of Caroline's embrace. With his back to Caroline, he has a small coughing fit, and then looks around. Gasping, he turns back to Caroline. "Do you feel anything?" Caroline shakes her head. "No, I feel fine." Tyler says, "I need you to get out of here. I don't want you to watch me die." Caroline refuses to leave. Tyler has another coughing fit and tells Caroline, "You run, or I'll make you run." She sobs that she's not leaving. Tyler starts to transition. His body contorts as his bones break. Growling, he looks up at Caroline with his now lupine eyes and roars at her to go. Caroline is still crying as she Stealth Salvatores out of the dungeon. Commercial.
Sidebar: All right, the first time I watched this scene, I couldn't decide if Tyler was Tyler part of the time. It's pretty clear from the Julie Plec interview I linked on page one, that this is Klaus in Tyler, or Klyler, if you will, the whole time. The "beautiful life" line did give me pause, even when I was writing the recaplet, but still, I found this unnecessarily confusing. Yes, there is a need for Caroline to be fooled, but there's no need for the audience to be confused. Maybe we could have skipped a few parallels with sophomore year, and a few instances of telegraphing Elena's choice, and made this scene a little clearer.
Matt's Truck. Elena's on the phone with a heartbroken Caroline. When Matt learns the news about Tyler, he breaks down and punches the hell out of his steering wheel. "Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it." He's lost so much. "This isn't how our lives were supposed to be, Elena." We cut to the...
Woods. Rebekah finds Elijah and tells him Klaus is gone. There is nothing she could do to stop it. Elijah: "Tyler Lockwood is dead, but the rest survived. You said that Niklaus turned their bloodline." Rebekah: "I thought he did." When Elijah says it wasn't him and wasn't Kol, Rebekah says it wasn't her, either. We all know it wasn't funless Finn. Rebekah is sure it was Klaus. Elijah says, "Then how are they still alive?"
Dungeon. Bonnie strolls in and finds Klyler. He compliments her on her brilliant execution of the body swap spell, then slides in a dig. "I didn't think you had it in you." Bonnie says, "I did it to save my friends and my mother, Klaus -- not you." Klyler tells her the spirits won't be happy with her, but Bonnie says the spirits can like it or lump it. She's done getting pushed around by everyone. She did it because she wanted to. Dear Show, Kat G. is awesome. Please make some actual use of her season. The end.
Stefan is walking through the woods when Rebekah calls him. "You're alive. Congratulations. Elijah spoke to Elena. Her and Matt should be arriving back in town, any minute." Her and Matt? Did she go to the Sage School of grammar? Stefan knows about Matt and Elena, but says Elijah also told him that he and Rebekah would be long gone by now. Rebekah says, "That's the problem. Elijah says we have to run -- that the hunter will keep coming after us, but I don't want to run anymore, Stefan. I spent my whole life running." Stefan is all, but what about our deal? Klaus is dead. Rebekah says there's no deal. "If my brothers and I are to survive, we have to get rid of Alaric, and the only way to get rid of Alaric..." We cut to a shot of Matt's truck approaching Wickery Bridge. Stefan, still on the phone says, "Rebekah, no!"
In the truck, Elena says she has to call Stefan, but her phone is dying. Matt gives her his. She takes it, thanks him, then looks up to see Rebekah standing in the middle of the road. "Matt, LOOK OUT!" Matt swerves to avoid the Beckster and his truck goes flying off Wickery Bridge. We flash back to...
The Gilbert's Accident. Their car is filling up with water. Miranda is unconscious. Elena says, "Dad?" Grayson promises they'll be okay. Grayson is wrong. The water rises. We cut to...
SFTiCEfBRaAtRaLbiFtFfDtL. Vamparic beats the stuffing out of Damon and wonders why he doesn't fight back. Damon is all: invulnerable, much? Damon plays the friend card. Vamparic says that's what kept him weak, but he's broken through, now. Now he's going to break Damon. We cut to...
That fateful night. Damon lies down in the middle of the road -- hoping to snag a tasty treat. When he sees Elena, he thinks -- at first -- that she is Katherine. Elena is on the phone with Bonnie, lamenting her situation with Matt. When Damon says, "Katherine?" she corrects him. "No. I'm Elena." Damon gets it, but he's still captivated by "Someone." Elena tells him he's being kind of creepy. Damon points out that he's not doing anything she isn't doing. Elena: "It's Mystic Falls. Nothing bad ever happens here." Muahahahahhaaa. When she confesses she had a fight with her boyfriend about his plans for their future, Damon says, "You don't want it?" Elena claims she doesn't know what she wants, but Damon tells her that's not true. "You want what everybody wants. [...] Well, let's just say I've been around a long time. I've learned a few things. [...] You want a love that consumes you. You want passion and adventure -- and even a little danger." Elena asks Damon what he wants. Damon: "Ah..." Just then, Elena's folks drive up. Damon turns on his compulsion eyes. "I want you to get everything you're looking for. But right now, I want you to forget that this happened. Can't have people knowing I'm in town, yet. Good night, Elena." He Stealth Salvatores away, leaving Elena confused. We return to the...
Present. At the SFTiCEfBRaAtRaLbiFtFfDtL, Alaric is still kicking the crap out of our Evil Pixie Monster. Damon's all: "Is that all you got?" Alaric says it's not, and raises ISoWOs. Damon blocks it -- refusing to let it plunge into his heart. He then punches Vamparic. We cut to...
Wickery Bridge. Underwater, Elena regains consciousness, but Matt is still out, despite her attempts to rouse him. There are cuts back and forth to that night in sophomore year when Elena's parents died. Suffice it to say that when Stefan tried to save Grayson, Grayson insisted that he save Elena instead. In the present, Stefan tries to save Elena, but she insists he save Matt. This is a beautiful scene. I don't mean to take away from it, but it bothers the heck out of me that Elena doesn't unfasten her seatbelt! Anyhow. There are flashes back and forth. The parallels -- CAN YOU FEEL THEM? Finally, Stefan saves Matt, and Elena lets herself go. Rest in short peace, little Miss G.
SFTiCEfBRaAtRaLbiFtFfDtL. Damon and Vamparic continue to duke it out. When Damon gets the upper hand, they both realize something hinky is going down. Damon holds Alaric and says, "You are not dead." My poor, poor Evil Pixie Monster. Not only is he mourning his best friend, he's also mourning his almost girlfriend. "You are not dead." Meep!
Gilbert Gables. Jeremy is on the phone -- leaving a message for Matt, when he sees Alaric. He tells his former teacher and guardian that he's done enough. "How did you even get in here?" Alaric says, "I don't know. I just wanted to say goodbye and it kind of happened." Jeremy finally gets it. This isn't Vamparic; it's the ghost of Alaric. Alaric says, "I just want you to know, I will always be here to look after you, Jeremy. And you'll never be alone. Okay? I promise." At first, Jeremy doesn't understand. Once Alaric gives him the look, Jeremy gets it. "Oh my God. You're a ghost. But if you're dead, that means Elena..." Alaric doesn't confirm Elena's death, but then -- he doesn't have to.
Mystic Falls Hospital. Elena's corpse lies on a stretcher. Stefan keeps a mournful watch. Out in the hall, Mere is talking to a coworker when Damon arrives. "Where is she?" Before he rushes to his shared girlfriend's side, Mere wants to dump some knowledge on him. When Jeremy brought her in earlier, Elena's injuries were worse than Mere let on. She doped her up with VAMPIRE BLOOD! Damon is all, "You what?!" We cut to...
The Morgue or Wherever. Elena's beautiful corpse lies on the stretcher. Suddenly, her head rises. Elena gasps. We go on a months-long hiatus. Happy Summer!
I know there was stuff and things I had to say, but I'm past my deadline and this is WAY past a weecap. My parting words are for the Damon/Elena fans. Trust me. This isn't the end. It is the beginning. Also? Please stop being mean to Julie Plec. She's an actual human with actual feelings. Thank you. Goodnight.
I'll be be sleeping for a few months. In the meantime, please grade the episode up top and join us in the forum, where the disembodied voice of Damon keeps yelling at us.
SFTiCEfBRaAtRaLbiFtFfDtL. Damon and Vamparic continue to duke it out. When Damon gets the upper hand, they both realize something hinky is going down. Damon holds Alaric and says, "You are not dead." My poor, poor Evil Pixie Monster. Not only is he mourning his best friend, he's also mourning his almost girlfriend. "You are not dead." Meep!
Gilbert Gables. Jeremy is on the phone -- leaving a message for Matt, when he sees Alaric. He tells his former teacher and guardian that he's done enough. "How did you even get in here?" Alaric says, "I don't know. I just wanted to say goodbye and it kind of happened." Jeremy finally gets it. This isn't Vamparic; it's the ghost of Alaric. Alaric says, "I just want you to know, I will always be here to look after you, Jeremy. And you'll never be alone. Okay? I promise." At first, Jeremy doesn't understand. Once Alaric gives him the look, Jeremy gets it. "Oh my God. You're a ghost. But if you're dead, that means Elena..." Alaric doesn't confirm Elena's death, but then -- he doesn't have to.
Mystic Falls Hospital. Elena's corpse lies on a stretcher. Stefan keeps a mournful watch. Out in the hall, Mere is talking to a coworker when Damon arrives. "Where is she?" Before he rushes to his shared girlfriend's side, Mere wants to dump some knowledge on him. When Jeremy brought her in earlier, Elena's injuries were worse than Mere let on. She doped her up with VAMPIRE BLOOD! Damon is all, "You what?!" We cut to...
The Morgue or Wherever. Elena's beautiful corpse lies on the stretcher. Suddenly, her head rises. Elena gasps. We go on a months-long hiatus. Happy Summer!
I know there was stuff and things I had to say, but I'm past my deadline and this is WAY past a weecap. My parting words are for the Damon/Elena fans. Trust me. This isn't the end. It is the beginning. Also? Please stop being mean to Julie Plec. She's an actual human with actual feelings. Thank you. Goodnight.
I'll be be sleeping for a few months. In the meantime, please grade the episode up top and join us in the forum, where the disembodied voice of Damon keeps yelling at us.