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"Memory Lane," a.k.a. "Retcon Road," is a busy little episode. The A-plot takes place between Katherine and Stefan. First she vamp-mojos her way into his dream, where she causes him to see himself with her at the 1864 Founders Ball, and to watch modern-day Damon and Elena fall in love. Stefan wakes with a start to find Elena right by his side, but oops, it's Katherine. He figures it out soon enough and most of their present-day storyline consists of Stefan tricking Katherine, poisoning her with a vervain dart, locking her up in the Mossy Manse Dungeon, and asking her why she's back, only to hear over and over again, "You, Stefan." We're also treated to Katherine's perspective on her flirtation with the Brothers Salvatore. She says she never compelled Stefan to love her, only not to fear her once he learned her true nature. She says they were the real deal and in flashbacks, we're led to believe she maybe didn't sleep with Damon after the ball. We also learn that Katherine cut a deal with werewolf George Lockwood back in 1864. If he will lock up the 27 vampires in town, burn them to death and make it look like Katherine died too, she'll do him a favor in return. Stefan doesn't learn what that favor is, but we do, once we flashback to Katherine giving him a moonstone, the very one Tyler has today -- the one Mason so desperately wants to find.
Tyler uses the moonstone as leverage over Mason to find out details of the Lockwood's werwolf curse, but it takes the whole episode for Mason to spill, because he's afraid Ty will never get it out of his mind. Here's the deal: once an accursed one takes a human life, the curse activates and the beast within emerges.
Katherine has so much free time with Stefan because she sent Caroline to occupy Elena. The girls ride it out at the Contrivance Cookout hosted by Aunt Jenna. Alaric, Damon and Mason are the only guests, other than the girls. Damon splits his time between trying to get back into Jenna's good graces, and rubbing his obvious dog/wolf puns in Mason's face.
Elena and Caroline spend their time away from the crew for the entire boring event. When Stefan fails to show and won't answer his phone, Elena gets worried and wants to track him down. Caroline offers to drive and uses their time in the car together to be terribly mean (if rather truthful) about Stefan and Elena's chances for a long-lasting relationship. She also lets the air out of one of her own tires, so that they'll never make it to Mossy Manse. Once the tow truck driver shows up, Elena walks the rest of the distance, leaving Caroline to face temptation and fear repercussions from Katherine for failing at her assignment.
At Mossy Manse, Katherine, who has spent a century and a half building up a tolerance to vervain, is able to overcome Stefan and free herself. She also makes it quite clear that if he doesn't stay away from Elena, she'll kill everyone Elena loves and then the girl herself. When Elena shows up, she runs into Katherine first, who appears blind because the split-screen technique they used in this scene is laughably bad. Did they have a four-year-old standing in for Elena when the camera was on Katherine? Her sightline is like Mary Ingalls' -- after the blindness.
Stefan and Elena appear to break up publicly, at the Grill. Caroline overhears and thinks her mission is a success. Damon overhears and is intrigued. But back at Gilbert Gables, Stefan meets up with Elena in her room and they confirm what I saw coming for probably the last 15 minutes. It was all a fake-out.
In other news, Damon continues to suck at trying to kill people, and with this latest failed murder attempt, he has made a new enemy who might actually present him with a challenge: Mason Lockwood.
So, what do you think about this one? I like the story well enough, but there were moments I'm still chewing over. I'm holding my episode grade until I send in my full weecap. Don't wait for me. Please grade the episode right up top, there. I want your perspective.
I'll be back ASAP with the full weecap. In the meantime, join us on our forum, where the barbecues are way more fun than Jenna's.
See what vloggers Val and Beth think of vampires who prefer high school girls below, in TV is the Answer.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!"Memory Lane" is a provocative episode full of sharp dialogue, lies, betrayal, secrets, threats and violence. The acting (particularly Nina Dobrev's execution of dual roles) deserves a standing ovation, and "Memory Lane" is a rich story. Arguably A+ work, yes? And yet I'm only giving it a B-. How? What? Why? Well, where it suffers is in the telling. Here, let me show you...
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: Stefan has to get to know Elena. Elena learns Stefan is a vampire. Stefan and Katherine meet for the first time since the 1800s. Stefan tells Katherine he was never in love with her. Mason "Brick House" Lockwood arrives in Mystic Falls and is particularly interested in locating a family heirloom -- a moonstone. Tyler finds the moonstone, but doesn't turn it over to his uncle. Thanks to Damon's prompting and Alaric's help, the gang figures out the Lockwoods' secret: they're under a werewolf curse. Ty, too, realizes Mason is a werewolf. Damon feeds Caroline his blood to save her life. Katherine smothers Caroline in her hospital bed, which kills her/turns her into a vampire. Katherine convinces Caroline to be her minion.
Now: We begin with a flashback, so perhaps my "now" is overstated. The chyron reads: "Lockwood Mansion, 1864." Stefan and Katherine, delectable in their period attire, dance and flirt. When Stefan looks across the ballroom at his brother, he finds him cozying up to Elena Gilbert, who is in modern day street clothes on account of being a modern-day woman and all around hip chick. So... this is a dream. That's all well and good, except it's a DREAM that opened with a damned CHYRON informing us we're at the "Lockwood Mansion, 1864." Either Stefan's subconscious is even freakier than we imagined, or that chyron is misleading, and not in the "What clever misdirection" sense, but in "that's ridiculously unnecessary" sense. I am so not one of those "I called it" people, mainly because (and witness my Lost recaps) I'm always calling things wrong, and yet I now know how the rest of the cold open is going to play out. That is annoying -- almost as annoying as a chyron in a dream sequence. Okay, it's not even close to that annoying. Who puts a chyron in a dream sequence? I'll tell you who -- people who think their audience is full of idiots who couldn't otherwise suss out (from the period clothing, intentionally blurry cinematography, and sudden switch to modern surroundings and costume incongruity) that they were watching a dream sequence. Please don't talk down to us, Show. We don't need that, and you're better than that.
Anyhow, Dream-Stefan leaves Katherine to follow after Elena and Damon. When Stefan exits the mansion he's in modern street clothes and entering the Mystic Grill. Elena's waiting by the pool table saying "It's your turn," but she's not talking to him. Damon (now in modern garb) joins her and while on the surface, his "Be prepared to lose" taunt is aimed at Elena and their billiard game, underneath, it's a warning to Stefan's jealous psyche. Stefan looks on as his brother and best girl kiss. Soon, Katherine appears, still in her ball gown. "It hurts doesn't it? Now you know how I feel. Don't fight it, Stefan -- you loved me once. Love me again." As he starts toward Damon and Elena, Katherine grabs Stefan's arm. Voice-over Katherine says, "I love you, Stefan," as Stefan and Katherine are suddenly back at the original Founders' ball. She promises they'll be together again and kisses him. Dream-Stefan holds Katherine tight as Actual-Stefan wakes at Mossy Manse -- with Elena in his arms. Wait. Wait. I know those cosmetics. That's the eye makeup of the damned! That's not Elena. It's Katherine! Stefan jumps out of bed and snarls at her. Katherine smiles. "You have to admit, I am getting better at this." Title card.
Katherine crows (aw, I miss the crow) that since it was so easy to get in Stefan's head and manipulate his dreams, he must have completely forsaken his true nature. Stefan growls and leaps at her, but she handily tosses him on his arse -- reminding him she could rip him to shreds and do her nails at the same time. She won't though; she just wants to see him. Her three reasons for being back in town: Stefan, Stefan and Stefan. Stefan-Stefan-Stefan doesn't buy it, but Katherine insists it's the truth. Perchance then, fair Katherine, would you please explain why it's taken you 145+ years to track the dear boy down? No, of course you won't, but I can't blame you. He never fricking asks about that, so why would you?
Grill: Elena's studying when she's surprised by Damon. She still wants nothing to do with him, so she rises to leave. Damon takes it with his usual Evil Pixie Monster charm. "Okay, see you at Jenna's barbecue." Damon exposits that he talked Alaric into convincing Jenna to host a barbecue (henceforth known as "Contrivance Cookout") and inviting Mason "Brick House" Lockwood. A waitress delivers a bakery box to Damon's table as Elena notes that Jenna is not currently Damon's biggest fan. He admits he's hoping to buy her off with the peach cobbler in the aforementioned box. He's also determined to put some silver in Brick House and prove he's a werewolf. I know you're jealous by nature, Damon, and I'm not scar-averse, but just don't mess up the pretty, m'kay? My heart is big enough for the both of you (and Stefan, Matt, Ty, Alaric, and probably a few others).
Lockwood Mansion: Mason's on his way to the Contrivance Cookout when Ty tries to talk to him about the family secret. Ty might be freaking out, but Brick House plays it all very nonchalant. "Tyler, what do you want me to tell you? Yes, I turn into a wolf. No it's not going to happen to you." Yeah, dude. Like, chill. Brick House says Tyler won't trigger the curse, so it's better for him if he doesn't even know what it is. Tyler dangles the possibility of finding the moonstone over Mason's head, in exchange for information, but Mason leaves him hanging and walks out. After he's gone, Tyler takes out the moonstone and plays with it, because he thinks you're too dumb to have even watched the Previouslies segment.
Mossy Manse: Katherine is reading Stefan's journal when he brings her blood from Damon's private stock. He snatches his diary away from her, but she's not letting that harsh her mellow. She knows about the werewolf sighting and warns: "Their bite kills, Stefan. It's best to stay clear of them during a full moon." It seems the woofers indirectly led to the vampire clearing of 1864. Sure, it was the Founding Families that organized it all, but they were led by the Lockwoods, AROO. She then brings up the original Founders' ball, so we flash back to...
1864: Damon gives a nice toast to his good friend and Confederate villain hero, George Lockwood. George gets snarky at Damon for deserting, and makes me hate him right off the bat. Henry (remember Henry -- tomb vamp killed by Damon and Alaric) pulls Katherine aside and tells her that the recent rash of brutal attacks weren't committed by vampires, but the victims were torn apart in whole new ways. Henry suggests they leave town immediately, but Katherine says the town is their home, the vamps are her family, and she won't let anyone do anything to them.
Mossy Manse; Present Day: Katherine tells Stefan that she knew George would be a problem, right away. She and Stefan then discuss werewolves a bit more. The gene runs in the Lockwood family, but they're not all wolves. (It is a curse or a gene? Why, I guess it's a cursed gene, or a gene curse.) Katherine soon tires of this conversation because it has little do do with her, so she grabs Stefan's journal again, pulls out her portrait from 1864 and asks why he kept it. She also wants to know why he came back to Mystic Falls, since she can't believe it was for Elena. Katherine posits that it was to fall in love with her (Katherine), all over again. Stefan Stealth-Salvatores up in her grill, grabs her face, looks at her like she's a long, tall glass of O+ and says, "What is it about you that makes me still care?" And although I kind of believe his words, as they kiss, I know I'm supposed to be screaming, "No," at the kiss. In actuality, I'm screaming "No," at how obvious this all is. And sure enough, Stefan stabs her in the back with a vervain dart. Stefan is the most painfully perfect vampire, ever. You didn't think he was really going to kiss the evil dead this early in the season, did you? Commercial.
Stefan brings the vervain-disabled Katherine down to the dungeon and shackles her to a wooden chair. A wooden chair? That wouldn't hold my ten-year-old. She doesn't seem nearly as debilitated as she ought to, so my mind flashes back to how she wasn't vulnerable to Bonnie's vamp-migraines, and I wonder why I'm watching tonight, because it's clear that vervain isn't going to affect her the way it affects the rest of them. Mostly it's clear because of that damned wooden chair. When Stefan and Damon were shackled down in the Mossy Manse dungeon, weren't they attached directly to the walls or to a concrete slab? I'm going to need wine for this, aren't I? Good point. Be right back.
Stefan asks again why Katherine came back. She insists it was for him. Oh my word, stake me. They've been having this conversation since the season premiere. Ooh, he then walks over behind a dirt mound and grabs a sprig of vervain, and scalds her face with it. That's new, plus I like scary-ass Stefan, so hooray! My wine-plan is working. Katherine screams as smoke rises from her cheek. Her flesh turns red, but instantly heals, unlike the mark Caroline got when she put on her vervain-laced necklace, so yep, Katherine's not so vulnerable to vervain. She knows it and I know it, but Stefan is as thick as the concrete to which he should have shackled the bitch. Oh, wait, new scene. Katherine again brings us back to...
The Founders' Ball; 1864: George Lockwood meets Katherine. She catches him off guard by almost immediately informing him that she's a vampire who could kill him in his sleep. George gets uncomfortable and tries to take his leave, but Katherine persists. She knows his secret, too, and that he's extra strong, just not as strong (as she). George asks what she wants. Back in the present, Stefan asks Katherine what George wanted, but she plays mum. Clearly, Katherine wants attention, so Stefan pulls up a chair and sits in front of her.
Gilbert Gables: Elena and Jenna discuss Caroline and Damon attending the Contrivance Cookout. Elena chalks Damon's invite up to Alaric being a softy. Jenna says she'll be nice to Damon, once he learns to keep his paws off Elena. I wonder if they've ever talked about the kiss (which, of course, wasn't Elena at all). Jenna's still so mad about what should have appeared to her as a consensual kiss, that I can't help but wonder if Elena made it sound like Damon forced it on her, or something. It's not long before Mason arrives -- with booze. He and Jenna go way back to their partying days under the MFHS bleachers. Oh Jenna, when you have a Brick House under the bleachers, you do not waste your time on artificial intoxicants. Alaric tells Mason how he's wanted to meet Jenna's old friends and dig up a little Jenna-dirt. Mason assures Alaric he has the dirt, which takes me back to his artfully muddy nekkidness. Mmm. I'm sorry, where was I? Jenna laughs like you do when you're the attention of two gorgeous men, saying, "I have no secrets, only dirty shame." Damon arrives and puts an immediate damper on Jenna's mood, so Alaric invites him to do shots with them. Jenna, not in the mood to play hostess with the mostess, hands Damon her used glass. Mason introduces himself and says he's heard great things about Damon. Damon squints and overplays the eye-thing, but I forgive him when he adds: "That's weird, 'cause I'm a dick." Heh.
Front Porch: Elena tries to call Stefan but can only reach his voice mail. Caroline brings out her bowl of chips and joins Elena, as she explains she's following Stefan's craving-sublimation advice by eating constantly. Elena tries to sympathize with Caroline's struggle -- noting that Stefan hates his bloodlust. Caroline agrees, but not exactly in the most helpful and friendly way. "Well yeah, and he hates that you're a constant temptation. [...] The desire to rip out your jugular every time he's with you? Trust me, it's there. That's why I had to break up with Matt." Mercifully, Alaric breaks in and tells them it's time to eat the food that no one has gone out to cook, or will ever see, because this is the world's lamest BBQ. And herein lies my complaint. I guess I haven't had enough wine yet, but the way both Damon and Brick House mentioned it earlier, I was expecting a big, backyard party, with actual grilling, outdoor dining, and maybe more than 6 people. It's not that I need a big party. It's that... I don't know, doesn't it strike anyone else as weak? If this was all that was in the budget, why couldn't everyone just be going over Jenna's for drinks, lunch, Sunday dinner, or just to hang? Promising a BBQ, but only seeing the adults drinking shots in the kitchen while the kids eat munchies on the front porch? It feels like nobody's paying attention to detail. Maybe they spent their detail-minding budget on the fricking dream chyron.
Mossy Manse Dungeon: Stefan threats Katherine with desiccation and entombment. Katherine ignores this. She wants Stefan to do some talking now and asks if the appeal of being with Elena is that he can pretend he's human. Stefan says that with Elena, he just gets to be himself. When Katherine asks if Elena knows he loves her (Katherine), he denies he does. Katherine disregards this and takes a stroll down memory lane in an attempt to prove him wrong.
Post-Founders' Ball; 1864: Stefan escorts Katherine to her room in the original Salvatore mansion and is moved to confess his feelings. "I've never met a woman quite like you. I look at you and I see an angel." Oh, the implications of that last bit make me sad for Elena. "I touch your skin and my entire body ignites." Okay I'm sorry, but would a nice, proper young gentleman like Stefan have been that forward in the South in the 1860s? More wine, you say? Fine. BRB. Now where were we? Oh yes, Stefan's confession of lurrrrrrrrrve. "I kiss you and I know that I'm falling in love." They kiss, but it's chaste, mostly because Katherine pulls away. Stefan offers his assurances. "I am in love with you." Katherine seems undone. "There's just so much you don't know about me, Stefan." Ignorant and innocent, he says there's more to learn and love. When she says she must say good night, he's worried that he has upset her, but she claims she is just surprised.
When Katherine closes herself in her room, Damon is waiting for her. He grabs her, pushes her against the door and kisses her, but she shoves him off and orders him to leave. Okay, I am not buying this flashback. It conflicts with Damon's story, and I have no reason to accept Katherine as a reliable narrator. I guess that doesn't let me out of recapping it, though. There's got to be a reason for it. When Damon asks if his little brother's confession overwhelmed her, Katherine chides him: "You shouldn't eavesdrop." (Remember that at the episode's end, okay?) He then continues to press her for her affections, so she compels him to leave. Once she's alone, she places her fingers to her lips, but whose kiss is she remembering? Before we jump to the present, I just want to add this: I've seen some people take issue with Katherine compelling Damon here, because he has always claimed she didn't compel him. Until and unless we learn more, I think that's hair-splitting. Damon's point was that Katherine didn't need to compel him to love her. If this Damon/Katherine part of flashback is actually true (I'm half-convinced Katherine is mostly blowing smoke up Stefan's arse), I have no problem accepting that over the course of 145-ish years he's forgotten or ignored minor compulsions like "leave now," or "get me a Mint Julep." Okay? Now, it's time to jump to the...
Present; Mossy Manse: Katherine, who seems more stoned than either weak or in pain, says, "Go ahead, Stefan. Torture me. Keep me captive. Drain me of my blood until my body turns to dust. It will never change the truth. I never compelled your love. It was real and so was mine." They gaze in each others eyes as we cut away to a commercial.
Gilbert Gables: The BBQ attendees are playing Pictionary. It's Damon's turn at the easel, and everyone else is trying to guess what he's drawn. Words don't do it justice and I couldn't find a screen cap, so here is my very badly finger-drawn visual aid. I spent a full minute on it, so I do hope you click the link. The point of the scene is that Damon is trying to bust Brick House's brick bollocks. The highlight of the scene is Caroline guessing thusly: "Puppy... puppy... puppy with tutu!" The answer, which Mason finally gives is Dances With Wolves. Aroo.
Out in the kitchen, Elena removes Damon's peach cobbler from the bakery box, but that's no cobbler. It's a pie. There is a difference, people. Ugh. See, this is what I mean about details. I still blame the chyron. Damon tries to make nice with Elena, but she's cool to him, even as she berates him for plying Jenna with alcohol (Damon: "Well, I want her to like me...") and asks him how Operation Lockwood is going. Not bad, Elena, but it could use more nudity and mud. Damon invades Elena's personal bubble and whispers his answer in her ear: "He's my new BFF." Jenna enters and Damon thanks her for inviting him. When Jenna asks if she had a choice, Damon says, "Yes, and I know what you must think of me..." Jenna cuts him off. "No, you don't. You've never dated you. I have dated many yous." Love it. I wish she had a bigger role. Damon shrugs his admission. "Well, I'm a work in progress," but he's soon distracted by something shiny. Literally. Jenna has her parents' sterling out on the counter. For a fucking barbecue. Details, people. Details. Supper would have been a better excuse for the fine flatware. Ugh. Right. The wine's in the kitchen. Just give me a moment. Glug. Elena eyes him knowingly as Damon lifts a sharp carving knife out of the case.
Mossy Manse: Katherine insists she never compelled Stefan to love her. She simply compelled him to remove his fear, once he learned she was a vampire. Potato potahto Katherine, since I'm thinking his whole "angel" impression might have evaporated had you let him process his reaction -- free from your thrall. Stefan doesn't bother to explain. He simply says it doesn't matter how he might have once felt. His feelings have since turned to hate. Katherine, whom you'll recall is big on "I hate you" as prelude to a love story, says that there's a fine line between the two feelings, and she can wait. She then segues back into her walk down retcon road, explaining that George Lockwood was both intent on using vampires to cover his wolfy tracks, and willing to strike a deal to rid the town of vampires.
Via flashback, George tells Katherine (in a stunning rich, red gown that doesn't fit with her role as a mourning daughter) that the vampire roundup will start that night, before they set the church ablaze. Katherine tells him to insist on a body count and that they should record 27 vampires. George tells Katherine she can access her escape route under the choir loft. He'll be waiting at the exit to set her free. Katherine warns him to make sure he's not followed. "I need everyone to believe that I perished in that fire." Back in the present present, Stefan is gobsmacked that she knew the founders were going to burn the vampires in the church. Katherine says, "I practically lit the match." When Stefan accuses her of selling them out, Katherine replies, "Without blinking."
Gilbert Gables; Contrivance Cookout; Interior: Damon brings the cobbler pie to the table, complete with silver knife or server, and pointedly asks Mason to do the honors. Mason pauses, turns the pie, and picks up a piece with his paw, rather than using the silver flatware. When he notices Alaric watching him, he says, "I apologize. I'm an animal." Alaric knows he needs to dial down the tension so he asks if Mason and Jenna ever dated. They never did. Per Mason, she was always lost in Logan Fell land -- a dirty shame indeed. Per Jenna, that was her first mistake. She does add, though, that Mason always had girls lined up around the block. Damon cracks that he had pegged Mason as a lone wolf. Do ya geddit? Mason does. He snarks back: "Oh, I'm sure I wasn't half the ladykiller you were." Oh, good job. I love him even more than I thought possible. I'm sorry, Damon. My love flows freely, but fickly. Brick House proposes a toast to new friends and we cut to the girls.
Living room: Elena wants to go find Stefan. Caroline tries to talk her out of it by lobbing a clingy-girlfriend bomb. When she can't deter Elena, Caroline offers to drive. Once outside, she lets air out of her right rear tire. Oh, Care Bear.
Mossy Manse: Stefan wants to know what George got in return for helping Katherine fake her death and gain her freedom. Katherine hand-waves it away, saying everyone has a past. In a flashback, we see Katherine feeding on Stefan's vervain-poisoned blood. Flash to Damon and Stefan later freeing her from the paddy wagon. She voices over that she didn't want to be saved and blames it all on Damon. In the present, Stefan asks, "So Damon and I died for nothing? Nothing!" Katherine says he's wrong. "No, Stefan, you died for love." Eh... not so much.
Gilbert Gables: Mason's ready to commit mutiny, since Jenna just broke out Guitar Hero. Obstinate Damon says he likes it, "So you, my friend, are barking up the wrong tree." Mason tells him to stop the games. "C'mon man, you don't think I know what this barbecue is all about?" Damon wants to know how Mason knows about him, but Mason says it doesn't matter. Damon begs to differ. "You tried to kill my brother." Aww. After Damon makes an obedience school crack, Mason adds, "Let's not spark some age-old feud that doesn't apply to us. [...] Let's be above this." Damon shakes his hand, but once Brick House struts out of the kitchen, Damon pockets a long, silver knife.
CAROLINE'S FORD FIESTA AWKWARD PRODUCT PLACEMENT: Elena calls Caroline "snippy" when she lays it on thick about the long odds for a human/vamp love. Not long after, Elena understandably turns up the volume on the radio and says she likes the song that's play. Since the product placement is not yet over, Caroline pushes a button on the turn-signal switch and asks her FORD FIESTA: "What's playing?" The FORD FIESTA says, "'We Radiate' by Goldfrapp." Not long after, Caroline's tire goes flat, possibly under the undo weight of the FORD FIESTA PRODUCT PLACEMENT.
Gilbert Gables: Mason can't get anyone to go out for drinks, but he leaves with a smile and a promise to catch an upcoming game with Alaric. Damon heads out right after him, with a promise not to catch the game. Before he leaves, he kisses Jenna's hand. "You are a wonderful hostess." Jenna, warming, says, "And you are a terrible artist." Damon wonders, "Is that the only thing that makes me terrible?" Jenna says she's deciding. Hee.
Road; Night: Waiting for a tow truck, Caroline continues to delay Elena, who wants to walk to Mossy Manse from there. Caroline asks why she's hurrying to get to a relationship that will never work. "You're human and he's a vampire. You're going to be 70 and in diapers, and he's going to be smoking hot. You will never have his children, Elena, and you are too maternal not to have children." Elena's had enough of Caroline's reindeer games, so she decides to walk the rest of the way to Stefan's. Caroline hurts her as she grabs her arm and pulls her back. When the tow truck shows up. Elena leaves in a huff, even though Caroline implies she doesn't trust herself around a random human. People who aren't me are mad at Elena for this.
Grill; Exterior: Damon catches up with Mason, but before they can get too deep in conversation, Damon stabs Brick House in the six pack. It's useless. Once Mason pulls out the knife, he rises with ease and says, "I think it was werewolves who started this whole silver myth, probably for moments like this." He looks down at his bloody shirt, all disappointed. "I was really looking forward to last call." (Poor punkin. I have beer, wine and maybe some old Kahlua.) Then Brick House closes in on Damon. "Now you've made an enemy." Oh, Damon, when will you free yourself from the bonds of impulse?
Mossy Manse Dungeon: The short of it is, Katherine wants what she wants and doesn't care what she has to do to get it. "My list of victims is a long one, and I have no problem adding one more to that list." If she has to, she will snap Elena's neck like a twig. At that, Stefan almost stakes her, but composes himself. Damn it. Katherine picks up on his hesitancy and tells him, "I don't want you seeing Elena anymore. If you don't remove her from your life, I will kill everyone she loves while she watches, and then I will kill her while you watch." He goes to stake her again, but instead chokes and threatens her. Wussy. Katherine breaks free of her shackles and SHOCKER the wooden chair. She's been sipping vervain every day for the last 145 years -- just in case. "It doesn't hurt me, Stefan." He again asks why she's there. Katherine: "I told you. I missed you, Stefan. I just wanted to spend some time with you." Upstairs, Elena enters and calls his name. Katherine sticks the stake into Stefan's thigh and rushes upstairs to meet her doppelganger. The split-screen technique they used in this first scene is laughably bad. Did they have a four-year-old standing in for Elena when the camera was on Katherine? Her sightline is like Mary Ingalls' -- after the blindness. Commercial.
Thank heaven for the break. Katherine now looks like she's actually looking at Elena. Elena is gobsmacked by their resemblance. "How do we look exactly alike?" Katherine gets handsy as she tells Elena, "You're asking the wrong questions." What's the right question? Is it why? Stefan rushes in. Katherine disappears. Stefan asks Elena if she's okay. She says, "Not really," and asks if he's okay. His answer: "Not really." They hug.
Mystic Grill Ladies Room: Katherine confronts Caroline about her failed mission to distract Elena. Caroline tries to explain, but it's no use. She does add, "I think I got to her." Katherine hopes so. "I already killed you once, I can easily do it again."
Lockwood Mansion: When he arrives home and finds Tyler waiting for him, Mason asks, "You still pissed?" Tyler: "You still keeping secrets?" Mason: "Yep." Tyler: "Then I'm still pissed." When Mason starts off, Tyler hints that he might know where the moonstone is. They get pushy and shove-y as Mason demands to know where the stone is and Tyler demands to know the curse trigger. Finally, Mason loses it. "You have to kill somebody. Human blood. You take another person's life away from them and the curse is yours forever. Can you handle that?" I flash back to Tyler's wolf eyes after the accident. They happened right after Caroline collapsed. Whatevs. Mason releases his hold on his nephew's shirt to let the oh-so-dramatic music have its full impact. Dun dun dun.
Mystic Grill: Stefan and Elena enter. Caroline stops Elena and apologizes for earlier in the day. Elena tells her it's okay. Everything she was saying was right, it's just hard for her to hear. Caroline can't believe Elena isn't mad at her. Elena says, "You were just being a good friend...in your own way." Caroline adds: "My own head-case horrible way. Elena, I really am sorry." Elena nods with resignation and joins Stef at their table. He declares "I'm starving." Elena says, "Spending the day with your jealous ex will do that to you." They talk about their fear and Katherine's threats. This turns to bickering. Finally, Elena says she knows Katherine wants to get between them. Stefan says, "She already has, Elena." DUN! Elena takes this in, swallows back her tears, nods and leaves. In their separate seats, Caroline and Damon take it all in. OMG, did they break up? SPOILER: No they did not, and it was all so patently obvious that I'm coveting the hours of sleep I'm going to miss thanks to this episode. Bah. Commercial.
Grill; Exterior: Damon meets Katherine outside. She asks if he's jealous because she spent the day with Stefan. Damon: "I don't do jealous. Not with you. Not anymore." He's glum because he tried to kill a werewolf and failed. "Now I feel like I'm not living up to my best self." Hee. Katherine warns him not to try to be a hero, Damon. "You'll end up dead." Damon says, "Been there. Done that. At least this time it will be worth it."
Gilbert Gables: Stefan appears in Elena's room and they discuss their big break-up fake-out. They agree that the fight felt too real, but gloss over that and decide Caroline fell for it and will give Katherine a play-by-play. Elena asks if Stefan will tell Damon it wasn't real. He won't. "The only way Katherine will believe it is if everyone does." Oh no, I smell badness. Whatever -- Elena can't believe Katherine is going through all this just to get Stefan back. He insists, "That's not why she's here, okay? No matter what she says, I know her." Stefan claims Katherine doesn't care about anyone but herself. She never has. She's incapable of love. She's here for another reason." ...Or not.
Mystic Falls, Exterior; Night: Katherine wanders the town and thinks of days gone by. She flashes back to the night she was captured and Stefan and Damon tried to free her and failed because they were shot and left dead on the road. Here, I count her memory/narration as reliable, because she has no one to trick.1864-Katherine meets up with George, gives him the moonstone as her part of the deal, and he tries to hustle her off into the night. They start toward his carriage, but then Katherine runs back to the pretty Brothers Salvatore, lying dead on the road. Completely ignoring poor Damon, she pets his brother's face and says, "I love you, Stefan. We will be together again. I promise." Back in the present, Modern-Katherine touches her lips and smiles. It may be my dirty shame, but I liked her better when I thought she wanted both Salvatores.
So, do you see what I mean? So much (as always) happened (we're so spoiled). The story is layered and intriguing. It's just that this week, things weren't up to snuff. There were stupid details that shouldn't have gotten by people, from chyrons to cobblers to Contrivance Cookouts. This show is better than that and deserves more TLC. That said, I can't wait for week and am sure it will be better executed. Still, this week, the acting was great (go Dobrev, you machine), but the execution (outside of the acting, I mean) -- when it wasn't condescending -- was straight-up sloppy. Show, I expect better of you because you consistently give me better. Straighten up and fly right, now. All right?
I'll be back Friday morning with my recaplet of "Kill or be Killed" in which Tyler learns more about his legacy, Stefan and Damon argue (SHOCKER!) and Mason gives Liz some surprising intel. In the meantime, join us on our forum, where our barbecues are way more fun than Jenna's.
See what vloggers Val and Beth think of vampires who prefer high school girls below, in TV is the Answer.
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Cindy McLennan is a stay-at-home mother and a freelance writer who covers The Vampire Diaries and No Ordinary Family for TWoP. If you have a question, comment, or spare day to help her with her laundry, e-mail her at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com, or follow her on Twitter.