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"Blood Brothers" is the long-awaited vampire origin story of the Brothers Salvatore, so hop in my DeLorean, because we've got to go back in time.
1864: As we learned in episodes, while Stefan was compelled to drink Katherine's blood, she and Damon kept it "real" I bet that's why Damon is keeping it "real" with Elena, so that when he turns her, she'll be his twu luv. The night all the vampires are arrested and locked up in the tomb under the church, the Salvatore boys create a diversion, attack Johnathan (sic) Gilbert the Elder, and free a Vervain-groggy Katherine from the paddy wagon, but before they are able to secret her away, they're shot "dead" by torch-bearing townies.
Stefan wakes the day. Bonnie's ancestor, witch Emily Bennett (and her brother) ferried the kinda-dead Salvatore boys to a rickety shack and Emily has been keeping watch over them. Stefan doesn't understand why his gunshot wound has completely healed. Emily informs Stefan that Katherine's blood saved the boys, and explains the concept of transitioning. When Stefan swears he never drank from Katherine, Emily schools him in compulsion, and explains the rings Katherine had Emily make for the boys, weeks before, in accordance with her evil scheme. Damon, who is sitting shirtless by a stream, tells his brother that he was never compelled. The boys decide to die and not complete their transition.
When Stefan returns to Mossy Manse's predecessor, he listens as Papa Salvatore instructs Johnathan the Elder to whitewash his late son's involvement in the Vampire Incident, when he chronicles the night's events. Gilbert agrees, but since Modern-day John Gilbert (Uncle Snark) was sure to stress that Johnathan the Elder kept many journals, and some are still locked away, I suspect there's a Gilbert-penned, tawdry, True Crime version of events, mouldering somewhere in Founders Hall or the like. Anyhow, once Gilbert leaves, Stefan goes to see Papa who proudly exclaims that it was he who shot his beautiful boys. When Stefan tries to reason with his father, and explain his decision not to transition, Papa pulls out a wooden stake, but in the struggle, it's Papa who is impaled. Good riddance, say I. Good eatin', says Stefan. His transition is complete. Dun!
Later, Stefan brings a young woman to Damon, who hasn't fed because he believes Katherine was burnt to death in the church, and he only wanted to be a vampire to be with her. Stefan tempts his big brother by biting the woman's neck. Transitioning Damon cannot resist the fresh blood, and the rest is history.
2010: Stefan spends a lot of time in his cell drifting in and out of consciousness. We get the bulk of the 1864 story from his fevered dreams and mopey reminiscing. When he's awake, he's no longer a blood-crazed maniac. He's suicidal. When Damon goes out on a man-date with Alaric (the search for Isobel is their beard), Elena flirts with being too dumb to live. She opens Stefan's cell, they argue about whether or not he should live, whether or not her life is in danger when she's with him, and stuff like that there. When she leaves, she purposefully leaves him his magical ring. Stefan doesn't use it to go on another feeding frenzy, though. Instead, he decides that since he never meant to be a vampire, and had (originally) decided not to feed and complete the transition (until he was tempted by Daddy's delicious belly blood), that suicide-via-sunrise is the answer. Guess who watched a lot of Buffy back in the day?
When Elena finds the ring lying in the empty cell, she goes to Damon who reveals that it was Stefan who forced him to transition. Elena takes that information and hunts down her man. There's more emo arguing and I-love-you-ing and finally she leaves him with the ring again. As much as Stefan believes he deserves death, he cannot resist Elena -- cannot abandon Elena. He slips on the ring and they fall into each others arms, being careful, as ever, to keep their pelvises miles apart. Dear Directors: time you shoot these two in a clinch, would you please keep a close eye on the blocking? Their bums are always sticking out, and you could drive a truck between their nether regions. Since Stefan and Elena are already intimate, it's silly and distracting to see them in such a chaste embrace.
Important points not covered above: Emily didn't tell the boys that Katherine escaped, because she was hoping they'd choose not to transition, and wanted them to make their decisions free from Katherine's influence; she tells Stefan his curse is that even in death, his heart is pure; Damon hates Stefan -- not so much because Stefan forced him to feed and transition, promising it would be awesome, and then promptly became a critter-tarian -- but more because Katherine was only supposed to turn Damon. Wouldn't that be a great thing to hate Katherine for, instead? It totally works for me, D. Try it.
Elsewhere in 2010: Uncle Snark lets Elena know he knows she's dating a vampire. When he asks her what her mother would think of that, Elena snaps, "Which one?" Burn! Jeremy and Anna make me fall in love with their love, despite myself. Pearl wants to leave town, but Anna begs her to stay, and starts going to school, just to be with the Germ. Uncle Snark meets with Pearl who foolishly tells him she gave Damon the mysterious Gilbert Gadget. Later, Snark kills her and Harper, and calls Liz to inform her he's got more vampire information to share. Poor Anna, who has just kissed Jeremy goodbye, returns home to find her mother and Harper dead. Damon and Alaric run a trace on the phone Elena called a few weeks ago, which leads them to an apartment. They expect to find Isobel, but instead find New Vamp, a tomb refugee, who says John is his BFF. When push comes to shove, and veins come to face, Alaric (who'd just sworn off killing) stakes New Vamp. Alaric then swears off the search for Isobel, and retreats to the Grill, to drink off the day's events. Of course it's then that Isobel finds him. Alaric ought to swear off swearing off (but not before he swears off me.) DUN!
I'm holding my grade until the full weecap, but don't let that stop you. Scroll on up to the I'm Pretending I Do Not Like You At All mode. My favorites include Damon telling Elena she's a nuisance, and telling her Stefan's favorite critter blood comes from puppies. Once it's clear Stefan is coming down from his human blood high, Damon reverts to his I hate you cover, but it's clear it's only a cover. I've been waiting for the Salvatores' vampire origin story, but on first review, I don't feel like I learned anything that I hadn't already pieced together. That said, I now better understand their messy family dynamics. I'm going to give the story a more thorough going-over before I make up my mind, because an awful lot happened in just one hour.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!"Blood Brothers" is the long-awaited vampire origin story of Stefan and Damon Salvatore, so hop in my DeLorean, because we've got to go back in time.
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: For over a century, Crittertarian-Vampire Stefan Salvatore lived in secret, but now he has to know her, i.e. Elena Gilbert, dead ringer for vampire Katherine Pierce. Stefan takes a flying leap off the roof of Mossy Manse and into the sunshine of Elena's love. In flashbacks to 1864, we learn that while Stefan and Damon each want exclusive rights to Katherine, she's the one who makes the rules, and is quite sure that choosing drools. After Papa Giuseppe Salvatore spikes Stefan's drink with Vervain, Katherine feeds off Stefan during their assignation -- and is instantly incapacitated. Papa bursts in the bedroom and orders Stefan to get the sheriff, who returns with a torch wielding mob. Katherine, now wearing a Hannibal-esque mask, is promptly tossed into the back of ye olde paddy wagon. Damon begs the mob not to take her, but his father pulls him back, warning that if he's linked to the vampires, he will be killed along with the vampires. Stefan promises Damon they'll get Katherine back, to which Damon is all is this fail not already epic enough for you? More recently, Stefan is back on human stuff, from both blood banks and nubile necks. He's not fussy; and he's not sad. HE'S HUNGRY! He tells Elena that human blood brings out the beast within. Elena refuses to listen. She's not going to give up on him. After she gets all hot and bothered with Damon on the dance floor, she stabs Stefan in the back with a Vervain dart and slaps his ass in the detox dungeon formerly inhabited by Damon.
Mossy Manse; Present: As Stefan drifts in and out of consciousness, a single perfect manly tear forms in the inner corner of his left eye. Who does he think he is -- Dean Winchester?
1864: Stefan and Damon Salvatore watch from the bushes as Johnathan (sic) Gilbert the Elder (Joe Knezevich) leads his torch bearing mob through Mystic Falls, following only the bearings on his ACTUAL VAMPIRE COMPASS. The mob puts a Hannibal mask on a young male vamp, we'll later learn is Henry. Gilbert yells out to the men: "We have to get to the church; they're waiting." While Damon flanks them, Stefan pops out of hiding and yells to the Goons: "Over here. There's another one. Quick!" Once the Goons run after their red herring, Damon disables the paddy wagon guard. Stefan then doubles back from the red herring hunt, rejoins his brother, they unlock the wagon and get Katherine out. Rather than rushing her to safety, they stay right in the very spot to which the Goons are most likely to return, and remove her mask, because they're too dumb to live.
As Damon unties the ropes binding her slender wrists, he promises Katherine that they're going get her out of there. When they hear the men and horses returning, they still don't whisk her away. Instead, Stefan says, "Damon hurry, hurry," as he too continues to dither with the ropes. Damon is then shot by an unseen Goon. Stefan rushes to his fallen brother's side and does absolutely nothing other than say, "No, no," and then "Damon," as his brother dies. As the Goons close in on him, his dead/dying brother, and their incapacitated lover -- does Stefan drag them to safety or take cover, himself? No, don't be sensible. He grabs a rifle, or shotgun, or musket -- some sort of shooty thing, and stands to his full height, so he too can be an easy target. And he is. BANG! Shot, Stefan falls to the ground. As he moans in agony, he looks over at Katherine, who moans back at him, and then to his dead brother Damon (whose right eye totally moves).
2010: Damon leans over a semi-conscious Stefan. "Stefan?
1864: Stefan stares at Katherine.
2010: Elena leans over a semi-conscious Stefan. "Stefan?" How do the writers come up with such sparkling dialogue? She then rubs his shoulder, and says, "I lo..
1864: Katherine, "...ve you, Stefan. The Vampire Diaries's sound guy gives us two voice layers, ensuring this is an extra-bitch to recap. What have I done to you, lately, Sound Guy? It's been months since I bitched about the fact that sometimes the background music overwhelms the dialogue. Petty grudges do not become you, they do, however, earn me my keep. Anyhow, the Goons rush the slain Salvatores and their paramour, and throw Katherine back in the paddy wagon.
2010: As Elena stares at Stefan, an out-of-focus arm wraps around her shoulder, and gently encourages her away. We fade back to...
1864: Stefan watches as Johnathan Gilbert shuts the paddy wagon door on Katherine.
2010: Damon, following Elena out of the cell, looks back as he shuts the detox dungeon door on Stefan. The last thing Stefan sees is Elena's face through the bars.
1864: The last thing Stefan sees is Katherine's face through the paddy wagon bars.
Present/Past/Present: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Katherine watches Stefan as she's driven away from him and to her alleged doom. A single perfect manly tear forms in the corner of Stefan's right eye, even though Dean Winchester will not be born for over a century.
Mossy Manse; 2010: Elena and Damon stare at Stefan through the bars. He's lying with his back toward them. Elena can't take seeing him locked up like that. Damon: "You're the one who locked him up." When Elena points out that Damon helped, he says, "I couldn't have him running around chewing on people while the town was looking for vampires, now could I?" Elena cocks an eyebrow. "It had nothing to do with you actually caring about him." Damon: "Your thing, not mine." Audience: "LIAR!" Damon leaves Elena, who can't help but take one more glance through the bars at her broken boy. Stefan knows she's there, but he never turns to her. He's having difficulty squeezing out yet another single perfect manly tear, so he closes his eyes and makes a fist. When he opens his eyes, he raises his hand and unclenches it, like a newborn who is just discovering the awesomeness of HANDS. No, I don't know what that was about, either. Doesn't matter, it's time to visit...
1864: Quarry; Lean-To: Stefan wakes the morning, wondering when his gunshot wound healed, and how he got his ginormous, new Lapis Lazuli Family Crest Ring. Bonnie's ancestor, witch Emily Bennett (Bianca Lawson) appears, and tells him Katherine had Emily make the ring, weeks ago. Stefan: "Where am I?" Emily: "The quarry just north of town." Scott: "She looks a lot like that slayer from Buffy" Me: "She is that slayer from Buffy -- Kendra -- which I have mentioned in the recaps I know you've read." Scott: "Shut up." Anyhow, Emily and her brother ferried the then-dead Salvatore boys' bodies to their current hiding spot. Thanks to the blood Katherine had been feeding them, they're now transitioning into vampires. When Stefan swears he never drank from Katherine, Emily schools him in compulsion. For Damon, no compulsion was necessary. He and Katherine kept it real I bet that's why Damon is keeping it "real" with Elena, so that when he turns her, she'll be his twu luv. When Stefan asks where his brother is, Emily nods toward Damon.
Damon -- so beautiful (and beautifully lit that) he would make Guido Reni's Michael pea green with envy, is sitting shirtless by the water, when Stefan (still in his blood stained shirt) approaches. Without turning, Damon says, "I woke up last night. I didn't know where I was. I went to the church and I watched them drag her inside. Then they set fire to it. And the whole church went up into flames." It's then that Damon turns to his little brother. "They killed her, Stefan. She's gone."
2010; Mossy Manse: When Elena returns from detox dungeon, she finds Damon in the parlor, examining the latest Gilbert Gizmo. To recap: Pearl thought she was stealing the ACTUAL VAMPIRE COMPASS, but it just turned out to be a pocket watch/Gizmo that doesn't appear to work. After Damon chuckles at crazy scientist Johnathan Gilbert the Elder, he asks Elena if she's spoke to Uncle John "Snark" Gilbert, lately. She's been avoiding him, and besides, she's been bedding down at Mossy Manse, most nights. Damon: "So you'll be here again tonight?" Elena: "Is that a problem?" Damon turns to face her. "Yes. You're a complete nuisance." Elena laughs as she throws her bag over her shoulder and tells him she'll see him later. Cut to the chase, E. Will there be dancing? I need dancing. I need dancing like Stefan needs the high-test.
MFHS; Exterior: Anna surprises Jeremy. This 145 + 16 + [however many years since she's been sired] creature has enrolled in high school, just to be with her dreamboat boy-toy, all day long. Jeremy: "Awesome!" Audience in Public: "Sicko!" Audience in Private: "Awwww." They kiss. Audience: *melts*
Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: Damon brings Stefan some 100% Crittertarian blood and reminds him what will happen if he doesn't eat. When Stefan claims he's not hungry, Damon calls b.s. "We're eternally hungry; take it." He throws the plastic bottle through the bars. "The human blood should be gone by now. You want to explain why you're still in here, feeling sorry for yourself? Come on. Drink up!" Goodness, look at Paul Wesley's arms. And shoulders. Ahem. Stefan raises his head to eye the bottle of blood, but then returns to his intense study of the dungeon floor. Damon: "Fine, starve. What do I care?" Oh, Damon. Me thinks thou dost protest too much.
Mossy Manse Parlor: Damon's cell rings. It's Alaric. Damon wants to know how he got his number. Alaric: "Ahhhh. It's a mystery...." Oh hee, Alaric, but you don't need to be any cuter. You had us -- if not at hello -- then certainly at Ryan Fell's slaying. "Listen, I've been doing some digging on Elena's uncle." I've got an old criminologist friend from Duke. Blah blah blah Invasion-of-Privacy-cakes. Uncle Snark was getting calls from the same number Elena dialed to get Isobel. "And then the number was disconnected." Damon: "Isobel knows John. Whatever. We knew that." Alaric: "After that, he started getting calls from a new number. [...] It's an apartment in Grove Hill." Damon: "Isobel's in Grove Hill?" Grove Hill as you'll recall, is where Isobel was from, and is where Elena found Trudie Peterson.
Alaric doesn't know if Isobel is there, but thinks they ought to poke around together and see what they can find. Damon: "I'm not going with you. You tried to kill me." Alaric: "Yeah, well, you did kill me." Just then, Elena beeps in. She wants to know how Stefan is. Damon says, "Extra broody," and then clicks back to Alaric. The boys will have their man-date in an hour. Back on the phone with Elena, Damon tells her Stefan is refusing to eat. Elena knows he must. "What's his favorite... kind of um..." Damon: "His favorite kind of what?" Elena: "Type of animal blood -- that he prefers?" Damon: "Eww, gross." He tells her to hurry; he can't babysit as he has things to do. Elena: "I would say 'drop dead' but..." Damon: "Ha ha ha. Stefan likes...puppy blood. Little Golden Retriever puppies with cute, floppy ears. That's his favorite." Elena refrains from saying, "Jealous much," before she hangs up on him. She puts her phone in her purse, shuts her closet door, and turns toward the hallway to find...
Uncle Snark! Did he hear the whole thing? You bet your sweet bippy he did. Or maybe not, but that doesn't matter, as he knows the score, and he lets Elena know that he knows she knows. Elena tries to call Uncle Snark's bluff, but it's no use. "What do you think your mother would say if she knew you were dating a vampire?" Elena's face looks ready to crumble, but then turns to steel. "Which mother?" Oh no she didn't! (Oh yes she did.) Fierce Pierce Descendent, for the win! Elena slings her bag over her shoulder and marches off. She does that a lot, this week.
Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: Stefan eyes the bottle of critter blood, but decides brooding is just more fun.
1864; Quarry: Stefan figures Johnathan Gilbert has by now informed Papa Salvatore of their deaths. Damon: "As if he cares. He betrayed us." Stefan tries to give their dad the benefit of the doubt -- noting that Papa probably thought he was protecting the town. The sun bothers Damon's eyes. Stefan explains that, the aches and sick feeling are their bodies pushing them to feed and complete the transition. Damon says, "That's not gonna happen." Stefan asks Damon if death is his choice. Damon: "Isn't it yours? This was all to be with Katherine, but she's gone. I want it over." I want another five minutes of watching the angelic Salvatore vampire-tadpoles sitting shirtless in the sun, but is anyone listening? I think not.
Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: Elena tries to entice Stefan to drink. "You can't survive without it." Stefan doesn't want to survive. "I'm sorry, Elena. No more. After what I've done, it has to end. I just want it over." And O! He lets a single perfect manly tear fall, but it doesn't know it's suppose to be perfect, so it runs down his inner cheek until it raps around his nostril and resembles snot, leaving Dean Winchester the undisputed winner of the Single Perfect Manly Tear Sweeps. Buck up, Stefan. There's always year. Commercial!
Mossy Manse; Parlor: Damon, the consummate drama queen, assumes Stefan is just being dramatic, and shares that thought with poor, little Elena, saying Stefan simply feels bad about hurting that girl, but won't starve himself. "It's a very typical Stefan-martyr stuff. It will pass." Elena is dubious, since Stefan seems to be in so much pain. Damon says that will pass once he feeds. When Elena argues that she doesn't mean physical pain, Damon says he knows what she means. And then, "Look, are you going to be okay here, if I run out? I have to go on a man-date an errand with the teacher." Elena: "Alaric? Are you two friends now?" Damon rises. "I don't have any friends, Elena." Elena squints the squint of disbelief. "Right." Damon grabs his jacket and puts it on. "You should um... you should stay up here. You shouldn't be down there by yourself." Elena rolls her eyes. "I'll be fine." Damon's not pleased. "You know, you're very trusting of him, given the circumstances." Elena says Damon is, too. "Otherwise, you wouldn't be leaving." Damon ignores her point. "I won't be long."
The Grill: With the roaring fire, the atmosphere is so cozy, so après-ski. Pearl meets up with Uncle Snark who is surprised she came. She wants to discuss the sale of the building. Still, Snark is surprised that she'd reveal herself like this. Pearl: "I'm not stupid, Mr. Gilbert. You knew who I was when you requested the meeting." She gives him a moment to digest that, then adds: "So, Damon tells me that you're looking for the device I took from Johnathan. I'm sure you realize I have no intention of giving it to you." That's why Snark wanted to meet her. He plans on changing her mind with his "Gilbert charm." Meanwhile, over at...
Gilbert Gables: Jeremy and Anna recap the history between Pearl and the Gilberts. Pearl was in love with Johnathan the Elder. He betrayed her. Now Snark wants the latest Gilbert Gizmo, which Pearl has already turned over to Damon. It's then that Jeremy mentions that there are additional Gilbert journals. "I bet he know that's how [Snark] knows everything." Anna, though, isn't in the mood for intrigue. She's in the mood for lurrrrrrrrve. "Do we have to talk about this all night? I've told you everything." With that, she crawls atop the Germ and kisses him, sending me running for IMDB.com. Malese Jow is 19 years old. Steven R. McQueen is nearly 22. Whew.
Anyhow, Anna adds that she probably shouldn't have revealed so much. Between smoochies, Jeremy swears he'll never say anything. Anna points out that he's not the problem. "Your Uncle John wants us dead... He's a hater, Jeremy." Jeremy rolls off Anna and onto his back. "Well, I'm not." Anna smiles at him. "No. You're something else, entirely... My weakness." Carina MacKenzie is with me in waiting to see said weakness exploited, any moment now. But for the meantime, when the Germ is afraid Aunt Jenna will walk in on them, Anna uses her vampyric super-hearing to determine Jenna has just hit up the fridge for a late night snack. Jeremy: "That is so cool." Oh, dear, I'm rooting for these two, but I really don't want to see them taking their clothes off. I'm not a prude, I'm just... Look, I have a 14-year-old, all right? I shall retreat to the sidebar for some romantic analysis while they do whatever they're doing I can't see them lalalalalalala.
Sidebar: Rational-Me doesn't think for one second that [145 + 16 + x] year old Anna could be in love with this teenaged boy. What's the draw? Physicality aside, at minimum, wouldn't she need a human who was 40 or 50 years old? I'ma have to come up with a fanwank (which, incidentally, explains the Brothers Salvatore's attraction to the oh so young Elena). Fanwank: Vampires stop maturing (emotionally and mentally) at the age at which they're sired.
Grove Hill: As he and Damon arrive at the property in question, Alaric notes that the rent was paid three months in advance. Damon warns that he may or may not be able to get in, via this Mythology Moment: Vampires must be invited in by the owner or person of entitlement. Short-term rentals and hotels are a bit of a grey area. Vampires play it by ear. As Damon forces the door open, Alaric says, "Could we not kill anyone tonight, please?" Damon smirks. "You just brought me along for my company?"
Once Damon crosses the threshold and proclaims that there's no permanent resident, the boys learn they have company on their man-date. Alaric struggles with the unknown attacker, but it's only moment before Damon and he recognize each other from back in the day. Henry: "What are you doing here?" Audience: "Why, if you're a recent refugee from a tomb sealed back in 1864, do you sound (and kind of look) like Jeff Spicoli?
Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: Elena looks on Stefan, who is lying flat on his belly. We cut to...
1864; Mossy Manse Predecessor: Stefan arrives home and eavesdrops as Papa Salvatore instructs Johnathan the Elder to whitewash his late son's involvement in the Vampire Incident, when he chronicles the night's events aka "The Battle of Willow Creek." Gilbert agrees, but since Modern-day John Gilbert (Uncle Snark) was sure to stress that old Johnathan Gilbert kept many journals, and some are still locked away, I suspect there's a Gilbert-penned, tawdry, True Crime version of events, mouldering somewhere in Founders Hall or the like.
Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: Elena, of course, goes downstairs to visit Stefan who warns her he hasn't had Vervain in some time, and that he could be at the bars in a flash and kill her. When Elena says he won't, Stefan tells her go away, little girl. "I don't want you hear." Mythology Moment: While vampires need invitations to enter, teenagers prefer to go only where they're not wanted. Elena opens the cell door and tries to strong-arm Stefan into drinking his bottled critter blood. When she won't leave or listen to reason, Stefan vamps out and gets right in her face. "I SAID GET OUT!" Elena gets right back in his face. "NO!" Okay, she's stupid, but she's awesome, just the same. That does the trick. He takes off his game face and walks back to his cot. Commercial.
Grove Hill: Damon lies like a rug to Henry that he's old pals with Uncle Snark. Seems Snark has helped Henry adapt to this brave new world. "Cars, computers, Match.com. There's so much to learn." Good old Uncle Snark has taught Henry how to warm up cold blood bank blood in the microwave, and even how to sort his whites. What a giver. Of course Snark expects something in return. Henry reports to him on The Others. The Others? Now I know the writers are just messing with me (or, okay, they're probably messing with Boone Ian). In this instance, The Others are the other tomb refugees like Henry. They're out there and they're pissed. Henry though -- he's more mellow. He likes doing regular stuff like talking on his brand new cell phone. Hey, there's a call now. It's Uncle Snark. Before Henry can answer it, Damon grabs it, saying he wants to say hello. But he doesn't actually answer the phone, he just keeps holding it. Finally Henry asks if he isn't going to answer. From behind Henry's back, Alaric shakes his head no. Damon: You shaking me off, Meat? Sorry. Baseball season. Um... Henry looks from him to Damon. "What's going on?" When Damon doesn't answer, Henry vamps out and attacks Alaric. Sadly for him, Alaric has a trick up his sleeve, and by trick I mean stake. Henry falls to the floor, dead. That's all right, he didn't know Isobel, anyhow. Damon mocks his unlikely partner in crime: "Let's not kill anyone tonight," then pats Alaric on the shoulder and adds, "Your words. Just pointing that out." Oh goody! Alaric has chest hair. Just pointing that out.
Grill: Snark returns to the table and apologizes for his absence. Pearl wasted 145+ years frittering away in a tomb. Even though she may have the time, she doesn't have the patience for smalltalk. She wants to know why she should let Snark have the device. He reminds her he was way more awesome on Alias, but she missed the entire run of the series, so she remains unimpressed. He then tells her that he's connected. He can help her settle down into a white picket fence life. Pearl points out that the device doesn't work. Snark claims to want it for sentimental reasons.
When Pearl says that Johnathan was ahead of his time, Snark tells her that he read Johnathan's journals, and she featured heavily in them. "You were his one regret. He loved you, and he hated himself for what he did to you." Pearl: "You're lying." Snark: "No. On his last days, he wrote how sorry he was. You were the only woman he ever loved." Pearl lowers her eyes in contemplation. Snark lets her stew for a moment, and then laughs in her face. Gouge his eyes out, Pearl. Gouge. Gouge. Gouge. They never listen. Finally, Snark snarks: "Good God. You vampires. You're so emotional. Johnathan Gilbert hated you. His only regret was he didn't drive a stake through your heart, himself." Isn't it counter-productive for him to be taunting her like that when she hasn't agreed to give him the device? In a word: no. Pearl rises and clips: "I gave it to Damon." Snark: "What?" Pearl: "I gave your device to Damon. Why don't you ask him for it, yourself? I'm sure he'd be delighted to give it to you. And then, Mr. Gilbert, may you rot in Hell." Okay, that scene didn't work for me. Snark really thought Pearl had the device, so he was stupid to taunt her. And yet she even more stupidly tells him who actually has the damned Gilbert Gizmo. Let's cut to...
Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: When Elena asks Stefan to talk to her, he does. He explains that he's making the decision he should have made years ago. A vampire tadpole has to feed to complete the transition. Feeding was a choice Stefan never should have made. Wah wah wah.
1864; Mossy Manse Predecessor; Papa Salvatore's Study: Once Johnathan Gilbert is gone, Stefan goes to see Papa who proudly exclaims that it was he who shot his beautiful boys. When Stefan tries to reason with his father, explaining that he doesn't plan to turn. Papa won't listen. He breaks a walking stick into a makeshift stake and goes at Stefan. Stefan throws him off in self-defense, and Papa is hoisted by his own petard, so to speak. Stefan immediately goes to his father, all apologies and removes the stake from his gut -- intending to help. But once he's holding the bloody weapon in his hands, our little vamp tadpole can't help but finger paint with dad's blood, much like he did with Kelly Donovan's. And much like with Kelly Donovan's, our little vamp tadpole can't help but take a little lick. When he does, the change is instantaneous. He vamps out, grows fangs, and says, "Oh God, what's happening to me?" FROG. I mean VAMPIRE. Commercial.
2010; Mossy Manse; Detox Dungeon: Elena tries to encourage Stefan to come upstairs and talk to her some more, but he doesn't understand how she can even look at him, and can't believe she thinks he's ready. She does, so she nods and then removes his magic ring from her pocket and lays in on the cot between them. "And when you feel the same way, I'll be upstairs."
Grove Hill: The boys can find nothing of note in Henry's place. But Damon nicks some bagged blood and tosses Alaric a beer. Alaric takes it, but when he looks at poor dead Henry, and then around the room, he declares the whole endeavor a dead end. Damon tells him not to beat himself up over it. "What did you think you were going to find, huh? I mean -- Isobel with a cigar and slippers." That seems to serve as some sort of epiphany for Alaric. "Oh man, I -- I gotta stop this. I can't -- I can't keep searching for her." Damon: "Really? After only two years? That's actually... moderately healthy." Alaric: "What are you going on? 146?" Damon: "I figure the 200 mark is probably a good stopping point." Alaric plays along with an Ah, but then admits that no answer is ever going to be good enough to explain when his wife decided life with him wasn't sufficient.
Damon tries to help. "She charmed me, your wife, Isobel. She talked a good game, man. She was smart. She had this excitement in her eyes. I probably should have known there was something different about her -- some tie to Katherine. There had to be some reason I didn't kill her." It's then that Alaric remembers himself -- remembers he's sitting there with the man who maybe didn't take his wife away, but sure as Hell bought her bus ticket. "That's enough... Damon, I don't want to hear anymore. I just don't want to waste any more of my life searching for answers that I really don't want. I'm through with Isobel. I -- I'm done with all of this." And with that, he's gone. Hey Damon, that was a spectacularly sucky job of helping, but you get points for effort.
Pearl's Pad: Anna arrives home to find her mother packing like a mad woman. They have to leave town. Too many people know their secret. It's not safe. But Mo-ommmmmm! Anna totally has a cute new boy here. She can't leave. Pearl says, "This is about Jeremy." Anna argues: "No, it's about me, finally getting to build a life for myself. Please, Mama." Pearl just wants to protect Anna, but says she won't force her. "It's your decision."
Mossy Manse: When Damon returns he finds Elena still waiting for Stefan. She's got her feet up on the couch as she does homework. Damon lifts them, sits to her, and then lets her legs rest across his lap. It's no dancing, I tell you what, but it is a cute moment. He tells her the errand was futile, but "I think I witnessed the teacher having an existential crisis." He then asks if Stefan has eaten, yet. Elena reminds him he doesn't care. She says she thinks he's getting ready to relent, and then blames Damon for heaping hot coals on Stefan's burning guilt for the past century and a half. "Punishing him for getting Katherine caught." Damon's jealous that he hasn't set up a flashback yet, so we'll give him this one. "In all this important soul-searching and cleansing of the demons of Stefan's past, did you ever manage to get the rest of the story?" Elena admits Stefan did say there's more to it. Damon: "Yeah, that's an understatement."
1864; Quarry: Newbie Vamp-Stefan brings a young woman to Tadpole-Damon, who hasn't fed because that was the deal, Stefan. Stefan tells Damon what happened with their father and how the blood was too strong for him to resist. He then tempts big brother by enumerating his new powers and abilities, which include the ability to turn off any inconvenient emotion. "Like a switch." Now, is that an anachronism? Whatever. His point is he can even turn off the horrible pain of living in a Katherine-less world. Ugh. And the bottom line is, Stefan won't let his brother die. "We can do this -- together." When Stefan's words don't move Damon, he knows just what will. He bites into the woman's neck -- sort of like sticking the straw in the juice box for your kid. Transitioning Damon cannot resist the fresh blood, and the rest is history.
2010; Mossy Manse Parlor: Damon: "From the moment Stefan had his first taste of human blood, he was a different person. I suppose I should thank him. It's been a Hell of a ride." Realization spreads over Elena's face. "Oh my God. He said he wanted to die. That's why he won't feed." Damon shrugs. "His choice, if he's stupid enough to make it, so be it." Elena tells him not to pretend he doesn't care and rushes off toward the dungeon.
Gilbert Gables; Jeremy's Bed: He wakes to find Anna lying with him. You can tell she wants to tell him about her mother, but he looks so adorable, she just caresses his face. As Jeremy drifts back to sleep, Anna says: "Goodbye" and leaves through the window. Goodbye? Does she intend to go with Pearl, or does she just intend to tell Pearl she's made up her mind? Eek. Poor Germ. He's quite unstable. You can't leave him, Anna, not without explaining your situation, at least.
2010; Quarry: Stefan has returned to the scene of the crime and it's flashback-y, but I'm gonna sum up. He remembers a newly transitioned Damon who is enjoying his new power, but so very much hating on his brother. "You got what you wanted --- you and me for all eternity. But here it is, brother. I will make it an eternity of misery for you." So far, so good. , Emily Bennett finds Stefan. She can tell he has completed his transformation. She helped him, because Katherine once saved her life, and Emily owed her, but she was hoping that Stefan would choose not to turn; she wouldn't wish Katherine's curse (vampirism, I presume) on anyone. When Stefan says it feels more like a gift than a curse, Emily tells him that will change, "Because even in death, your heart is pure, Stefan. I sense that about you. That will be your curse." As he calls out to her, the flashback ends. If Stefan's curse is purity of heart, what's Damon's -- love?
Elena finds Stefan, and tell him Damon told her the rest of the story. Stefan says he should have died that night, like he'd originally chosen, and he should have let Damon die, too." Elena points out that he didn't, and dying now doesn't negate what's happened. Stefan moans about all the lives that have been lost. "It's because of me." Um. No. Elena gives him some perspective. The night her parents died, she had blown off family night to go to a party. When she got stranded, her folks came to get her. They were on their way back home when they had their accident on Wickery Bridge. "And that's why they died. Our actions are what set things in motion, but we have to live with that."
Stefan says that his choice ended with many people hurt. Elena: "You almost made a choice to stop -- to reject the person the blood made you. You made a choice to be good, Stefan." He doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want to hear that he's also the person who chose to save her life. He tells her that she doesn't understand. "It hurts me knowing what I've done -- and that pain -- that pain is with me all the time. And every day, I think that if I just -- if I just give myself over to the blood, I can make that pain stop. It would be that easy, and every day, I fight that. And I am so terrified that one day, I'm not gonna want to fight that anymore, Elena. And the time I hurt somebody, it could be you." Elena tells him there won't be a time. And with that, she hands him his ring. "Throw it in the quarry and let the sun rise, or take this ring and put it on, and keep fighting." She kisses him. "It's your choice." And with that, she walks away. As much as Stefan believes he deserves death, he cannot resist Elena -- cannot abandon Elena. He slips on the ring and they fall into each others arms, being careful, as ever, to keep their pelvises far apart. Dear Directors: time you shoot these two in a clinch, would you please keep a close eye on the blocking? Their bums are always sticking out, and you could drive a truck between their nether regions. Since Stefan and Elena are already intimate, it's silly and distracting to see them in such a chaste embrace.
Pearl's Pad: Pearl and Harper continue to pack. Pearl tells him he doesn't have to come with her and Anna, if he doesn't want to. Harper: "This was never my home, Miss Pearl. I was just a soldier who was left to die. You saved me. I'm coming with you." When Pearl hears something outside, she opens the front door, and a stake flies through the air and into her heart. I smell a Snark. Pearl falls back into Harper's arms.
Mossy Manse; Parlor: Damon is having another drink by the fire when Stefan returns, hand in hand with Elena. Elena goes upstairs, leaving the brothers to talk. Stefan thanks Damon, but Damon tries to turn it into a joke. "No, Stefan, thank you. You're back on Bambi blood, and I'm the big badass brother, again. All is right in the world." Stefan brings the conversation back to his original point. "Thank you for helping her take care of me." Damon wants none of this. "You brood too much, Stefan. Everything on this planet is not your fault. My actions -- what I do -- it's not your fault. I own them. They belong to me. You are not allowed to feel my guilt." Stefan asks if he does feel guilt. Damon says, "If I wanted to. It's there." And then, "Emily waited until after I turned to tell me she'd been successful in protecting Katherine with her spell. She didn't want me to know about the tomb. She thought it would impact my decision." And as we already know. Emily thought vampirism was a curse. Damon adds: "Witches. Judgy little things." Stefan asks Damon why he didn't tell him this, before. Damon says he didn't want him to know. "'Cause I hated you, and I still do." Stefan nods at this common knowledge. "I know."
Damon needs to make one thing clear to his brother. He doesn't hate Stefan for forcing him to turn. He hates Stefan because Katherine turned him, too. "It was just supposed to be me, Stefan. Just me." Oh Damon, you're so much more attractive when you're not whining about this broad -- who, by the way, is the one you ought to hate.
Pearl's Pad: Anna returns home to find both Pearl and Harper dead. She leans over her mother's corpse. "Mom? Mama! Please don't leave me again. No. Please wake up. You have to wake up." Poor baby.
Streets of Mystic Falls: After killing Pearl and Harper, Snark throws a stake gun in his car and then places a phone call. "Sheriff Forbes? John Gilbert. Sorry to call so late. I have an update about the vampires." When is Damon going to cut off his hand, rip off his ring, and kill him?
Grill: Alaric is drinking off the day's events when he hears, "Hello, Ric." It's the Irony Fairy, in the form of... ISOBEL. Alaric ought to swear off swearing off. Dun!
I've been waiting for the Salvatores' vampire origin story, but I don't feel like I learned anything that I hadn't already pieced together. Okay, Damon's reason's for hating Stefan have evolved, but it's hardly shocking that he was jealous that Katherine wanted to turn both of them. And it's been said here, there and everywhere, but Stefan's story was a little too close to Angel's for me. Wait, it's not that it was close to Angel's that made it fall flat. It's that I never felt, for a moment, like there was a chance Stefan would choose to die. He's one of the three leads on the show. In the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Amends," in which Angel tries to off himself with sunlight after being haunted by visions of his evil past, he's saved not by a magical ring, but by magical Christmas snow. But there was every chance he could have died on Buffy. It's quite clear Stefan isn't going anywhere at this early date, not unless the creators have a self-destructive aversion to success, but the last time I checked, Rob Thomas wasn't showrunner. Oh yes I did. Similarly, there was no suspense to the flashbacks. So Stefan fed off his father. I'd already figured that much -- or at least figured that killing someone near and dear to him played into his decision to become a crittertarian. It wasn't surprising to see him and Damon turned into vampires, because they're already vampires. The A plot felt largely pointless to me.
And yet? I can't trash this episode. An awful lot happened outside the A plot, and most of it was exciting. Poor Pearl. I really can't believe they killed off Kelly Hu, like that. I'm hoping against hope that the latest mystery Gilbert Gizmo is a vampire resuscitation device, and that Uncle Snark was lying about Johnathan Gilbert hating Pearl. My heart goes out to Anna. She just gets her mother back and she's gone again. And how about Alaric? Just when he swears off Isobel, she strolls back into his life. I can't wait for this week's episode.
I'm confused about one point, though. Previously, we learned that when Emily was burned as a witch, the Council confiscated her grimoire. Johnathan Gilbert gave it to Papa Salvatore, who said he would take those dastardly secrets to his grave. And he was being literal, because Stefan and Elena found Emily's grimoire when the dug up Papa's grave. Now, we saw Emily after Papa died. Um...unless Papa didn't die. I mean, we didn't see him die on screen, but we did see him staked through the gut, with his newly hungry vampire son feeding off his belly blood. Did Johnathan just toss the grimoire in Papa's casket? When did they kill Emily? Who was her brother? He has to have been mentioned for some reason or another. I hope we get a little more of that story, in the two episodes.
I'll see you Friday morning with my recaplet of "Isobel." Huh. I wonder what that's about? Until then come on over to the forums, where you are not allowed to feel my guilt. I'm pretty sure that's in the FAQ. In the meantime, e-mail me at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com, or follow me on Twitter
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