In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Now, on The Vampire Diaries -- the Germ voices the "Previously, on The Vampire Diaries..." which I'll hit in the full weecap. In the meanwhile...
Human Hovel: Last week, I thought Pearl and Anna's Human Minion was a Miss Gibbons, but it's Miss Givens (or perhaps, Miss Given, but either way, she ought to be having misgivings). She seems to be the taste du jour for Pearl, Anna, Harper, Bethanne (African-American she-vamp who made eyes at Harper last week) and... Frederick. We've never seen him before, and to date, we don't give a rat's patootie about him, but there you go. Anyhow, Frederick is another vampire from 1864, and although he's not terribly interested in text messaging, remote control cable channel selection and everything else the newly freed vamps have to learn, he does have an interest -- in blood.
Damon Salvatore, Kelly Donovan and Jenna Somers all meet up at the Grill. They're flirting and drinking too much, like you knew they would. We'll leave them in their debauchery for now.
Elena, Stefan, Caroline and Matt are also at the Grill. They're giving the old double-date a try, but Caroline's having a hard time standing by while Matt and Elena stroll down memory lane. Eventually, Caroline summons Elena to the ladies room and gives her the what-for. But...on their way back, Frederick stops Elena and calls her...Katherine. Elena plays dumb and sidles back on over to Stefan's side and informs him, via an unsent text message, that a strange vamp thinks she's Katherine. By the time Stefan looks in the right direction -- Frederick is gone.
Elena, Stefan, Caroline and Matt retreat to Moss Manse, where Caroline is still smack dab in the middle of a hissy fit, but Stefan does his best to smooth the waters by having Matt help him fix his classic car. Once the boys get the dream machine running, Stefan tells Matt to take a Caroline for a ride. Caroline and Matt iron out all the Elena-shaped differences they can with a stick shift still between them, and return to Mossy Manse, where...
Damon and Kelly Donovan are making out when Caroline and Matt re-enter the mansion and Stefan and Elena -- I don't know -- round the corner, or something. Matt takes Kelly home. Elena will take Caroline home, and call Stefan when she's all tucked in for the night. Jenna left Damon and Kelly hours ago, and Frederick tried to pick her up, but her Vervain cologne put him off.
Anyhow, once the kiddos are gone, Frederick and Bethanne burst into Mossy Manse. Since there's no human in residence, no invite is required. Bethanne meets her death at the business end of Stefan's stake, but Frederic escapes and returns to Ms. Givens' house, before the Salvatores can rid themselves of him. Pearl makes him pay the penalty, but good.
And somewhere in there, Jeremy and Anna have a kind of date, but Jeremy has been doing some research (remind me to tell you about his Paula Abdul inquiry in the full weecap) and starts to... believe in vampires, so when Anna comes over, he intentionally cuts his palm and taunts Anna with his blood. He keeps on her until she vamps out and feeds off him, but when they're interrupted by Jenna's return, Anna flees.
Later, while Elena is calling Stefan to report that she's all tucked in for the night, Anna reappears in Jeremy's bedroom, and confirms his worst fears/greatest hopes. Jeremy remembers that Vicki wasn't quite right, and yet it doesn't quite seem like she was on drugs. He faces Anna, and asks her to turn him. DUN!
I'm starting the weecap now, but in the meantime, come on over to the forums, where you can only drink our minions' blood after you've asked us three times.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! Now, on The Vampire Diaries -- the Germ voices the "Previously, on The Vampire Diaries bit, which makes me wonder if I'm drunk already, but it alas, it's just a stone cold sober fact. It also makes me wonder if this change marks a significant change of direction for Jeremy Gilbert, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Mostly, the Previouslies are the same old same old. Over a century. Dead ringer. Blah. Blee. Bloo. From more recent episodes, we're reminded that Anna's a vampire, and that Matt "Pudding Pop" Donovan's no-good mother, Kelly, hates Caroline. In fact, Kelly makes it a point to tell Elena that she broke Matt's heart, and that Caroline's just his rebound chick -- right in front of Matt AND Caroline. Nice. There's a tomb under the church. All the vampires arrested by the Council back in 1864 were saved by Emily Bennett's spell. Stefan tells Damon he can't just bring them back. Damon only cares about Katherine who found escape at the time of her arrest. They think it's all over, but alas, the spell that took Sheila Bennett's life failed to re-seal the tomb. Harper leaves it and finds his way to a Ms. Gibbons' house -- to Pearl, Anna and their reformed coven. As Anna shuts the door behind him, she realizes that by rescuing her mother, she's doomed herself to eternal life as a teenager, still under parental control. Muahahahahaha.Note: I called Ms. Gibbons "Ms. Givens" in the recaplet, but that's only because I was woefully misled by the closed captioning. It's still Gibbons, just like I said last week. Also, in the recaplet, I gave Ms. Gibbons' house the nickname "Human Hovel," but I'm not liking that so much now, so it will be known as...
Pearl's Pilfered Pad: Anna descends the staircase and walks through the vampire packed hallway, where the latest tomb refugees are getting haircuts, and refreshment. Some are even sorting clothes. Anna provides a little improptu lesson on how to change TV stations via remote control. Once that's done, she happens upon Frederick (Stephen Martines) feeding from Miss Gibbons' wrist. Gibbons, who is also sporting a nasty wound on her neck, offers Anna a drink, but Anna refuses and recommends that their human hostess with the mostest takes a little rest. Frederick (whom the closed captions misidentify as "Cliff") sneers at Anna. "She's fine." He then turns his thrall on Ms. Gibbons who completely and utterly agrees with him, 'cause... thrall.
Donovan Domicile: Matt has to call his mother several times before he rouses her hungover ass out of bed. He's clearly the parent here. She's bringing men home and being loud about it and Matt would really like her to have a little class. And possibly a job. He talked to Roberta at the Grill about the open bartender position. Kelly says she'll check it out, but she suspects Roberta will still be "pissed" about the last time Kelly worked there. Clearly, Kelly slept with Roberta's man, yeah? Matt says Roberta is desperate and Kelly mentions that there's back rent due (which the captioning misidentifies as "Thacker and Duke" heh). Matt corrects her. "There's back everything, Mom." Oh you poor Pudding Pop. Just then, there's a knock at the door. When he mentions it's probably Caroline, Mom is all UGH. Matt tells her to take it easy, and because he doesn't yet know he lives in a town infested with vampires, he yells, "Yeah, come in," without even checking to see who is at the door. I think it's time for Elena and Stefan to let all their near and dear know what's going on, don't you? Caroline sweetly says, "Hi, Mrs. Donovan." Kelly gives her the most fake smile she can muster (and she musters it expertly), and then lets that smile drop into a contemptuous sneer, right in front of Matt and Caroline. Matt says, "We're going to be late so let's just get going."
MFHS Corridor: Stefan and Elena exposit about the whole Damon/Katherine situation, but you've been watching and reading, all along, so I don't need to. This scene is important only because Elena says she'd like to get through one day without dealing with vampire mothers and brothers. When Stefan worries she might mean no vampires at all, Elena is quick to make him the exception to her rule. They wander off and kiss, which does not escape Matt's notice. And Matt's notice does not escape Caroline's notice. She tries to distract him by making plans for that evening but he says he's late and has to get to class. He either ignores or completely misses her rather obvious cues that she's waiting to be kissed. Once she's alone, Caroline sighs, shrugs, and plasters a smile on her face before going on her way.
Pearl's Pilfered Pad: Pearl shows Harper how to send a text message and they marvel over technology, but then she (accidentally?) plays Anna's voice mail. It's from Jeremy. Anna runs in from the other room, grabs her phone and shuts it off. Harper asks who that was on the phone. Anna says, "Jeremy Gilbert." Harper smiles. "Is that your boyfriend?" Pearl is not amused. "Of course not." She turns the conversation to her new outfit, which Anna pronounces respectable. Pearl says that's the goal and she sure doesn't miss corsets, but she pronounces it like cor-SETTES which makes me laugh. Anna says she's got the car keys and ATM card from Suzy Sunshine (Ms. Gibbons, I presume, even though imdb.com is currently listing the character's name as Samantha rather than Susan). Frederick wants to know where Pearl and Anna are off to. Pearl explains they have business in town and expects him to look after things. He moans about being a babysitter, now. Pearl reminds him: "If this is going to work, we have to cooperate with one another." Sweetly, Harper offers to watch things for Miss Pearl. Pearl thanks him and she and Anna take off.
MFHS Corridor: Caroline asks Elena and Stefan to go on a double date with her and (the not currently present) Matt. When Elena is afraid it will be awkward, Caroline points out that it's important for them to get past that. Stefan thinks it's a swell idea to spend a nice evening out with friends, it sounds like (good, clean, nearly vampire-free) fun. Once he convinces Elena, Caroline scoots off before they can change their minds.
Mossy Manse: Damon arrives home to find all the lights burning and Pearl and Anna waiting for him. Pearl is surprised there's no living person residing with them. Anna asks how he and Stefan keep out unwelcome vamps. Damon says, "Kill them," and zooms over to Pearl. He grabs her throat but she doesn't even flinch. Instead, she twists Damon's arm 'til he falls to the floor in agony. She then tells him to have a seat and makes him an offer he can't refuse.
Pearl tells him all about her old new coven, with most of the tomb refugees. Damon is surprised to learn that Sheila Bennett's spell failed -- allowing the rest to escape. Pearl knows Damon has an in with the Council and wants a list of all the members and everyone who has been supplied with Vervain. Damon thinks she needs to get over the past. You know, like he has. Eyeroll. Pearl argues that the town took everything from us. "Our land. Our home. It's time we rebuild." She holds out a reunion with Katherine as bait. Damon scoffs, since Katherine has been AWOL and Pearl has been underground for a century and a half. Pearl reminds him that she and Katherine were best friends long before they arrived in Mystic Falls. She knows her patterns and where to find her. Damon says (and probably lies) that he has no desire to see Katherine again. He's not going to be Pearl's minion. Pearl explains that locating Katherine was merely a gesture of kindness. And I guess th
at's over, because , she vamps out and gouges out his eyes with her thumbs. It's disgusting. Blood (blackish, I think) shoots from them. Damon screams and struggles until Pearl casts him to the floor. "I have 400 years on you little boy. I'll rip you from limb to limb without even blinking, and you know it." She turns to leave. "I'll be in touch." Damon lifts himself up on his knees and blindly finds the couch. His eyes are gaping, red pits. COMMERCIAL.
In the middle of the above-scene, we cut away for a moment to Gilbert Gables, where Jeremy is BINGing it. Actually, he's on some Vampire website. The only part of the graphic visible reads "Lair." His chat room name? "Vampjer." Here's the whole exchange:
Vampjer: How do you become a vampire?
Bloodybecky: Brad Pitt changed me.
FANG69: go to vegas. ask for wayne newton.
Vampjer: how do you kill a vampire?
USUCK14: the blood of Paula Abdul.
At that last comment, Jeremy laughs aloud. "Freak." Enjoy the irony, kids. The chat continues.
Vampjer: Serious answers only please.
Bloodybecky: stake in the heart always works.
Vampjer: you're a believer?
Bloodybecky: aren't you?
Gilbert Gables: Elena opens the door to find Stefan and a colorful spring bouquet that's nearly as lovely as he is. Mostly this is just couple-y cuteness, like her teasing him about not having a car, even though he was around before they were even invented. As we'll see later, he does have one, it's just not running. Elena half thinks they should cancel their plans, because maybe they were never meant to get to normal. Stefan says that's exactly why they should go out with Matt and Caroline. He stayed in town for normal moments like bringing a date flowers. When she asks if he's ever been on a double date before, he says, "Oh, absolutely. '72. Hef and the twins." Elena: "What?" Stefan: "Yeah. Playmates. I got Miss June." Elena knows better than to be jealous of a woman who's probably nearing 60 now, so smiles and grabs her cute 162 year old boyfriend's proffered arm, and they grin their way to the door.
Downtown: Pearl and Anna meet up with Jenna, who is showing them the late Dr. Greyson Gilbert's office building, which has been in the family for generations. She points out how old the building is and says it used to be used as one of those old-fashioned drug store thingies. Pearl: "An apothecary? [...] You don't say." As Jenna apologizes for the mustiness, Anna spots Jeremy, doing the pothead shuffle down the street. He doesn't see her, but she smiles widely at the very sight of him.
Mystic Grill: Kelly's sitting at the bar when Damon walks in, wearing sunglasses. She comments on how they're out of place, inside. Damon says his eyes are a little sensitive, today. I bet. Finally, he takes off the shades and thank goodness his vampire healing has already kicked in and restored his beautiful baby blues. Although Damon's heart isn't really in it, they flirt. Kelly reveals not only that she's been stood up on her job interview by Roberta, but that she previously boinked Roberta's man. What did I tell you? Soon, Jenna arrives. She tells Damon that crazy Kelly used to babysit her. Kelly, who must be feeling her years, adds that they later partied together. Oh they were wild. Oh they were bad girls. Oh Jenna is responsible now, though. Oh, Kelly's not. Oh Oh Oh. Is this whole thing feeling a little forced to y'all, too? Anyhow, Kelly talks Jenna into taking a night off from being so upright, claiming it's good for the soul. Damon agrees. When the bartender brings them shots, Jenna says, "This is not going to end well." Damon says he can't wait, but I still think he's fronting.
Pearl's Pilfered Pad: Frederick hates being trapped in Ms. Gibbons' house, but Bethanne (the African American vampire who met up with Harper in the town square, last time) points out it's better than the tomb, Fred says he didn't stay locked up there only to get locked up here. Harper says to quit complaining. When Bethanne tries to remind him of Pearl's plans, Fred couldn't care less. He turns on Harper and with one simple question, ending in one simple word, he takes us back 145 years. "What you got, boy?" Harper zooms forward and pushes Fred back on the couch. Fred zooms back at Harper and throws him up against the wall. "Try that again..." Fred is interrupted from throttling Harper, by Pearl, who enters and throttles Fred. "Back off. Back off. We don't fight each other. Those are the rules." Pearl says they have to keep a low profile for now. Even if no one else knows who Fred is, the Salvatore boys do. Fred wishes he could run into them. "They're the reason we were caught in the first place." No Fred. Katherine is, but let's not quibble. It's time to jump to...
The Grill: Matt, Caroline, Elena and Stefan make awkward small talk, starting with Matt's job at the Grill. He notes that they can't hold onto a bartender, and I wonder if taking that job is as deadly as managing a magic shop in Sunnydale. I hope so, because fun! [Most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer. --Buffy.] They move on to discuss Kelly's return, and how Miranda Gilbert and Kelly were BFFs. Matt and Elena have known each other since infancy. This is exactly the easy kind of conversation Caroline was hoping for, so of course she's ridiculously insecure, throughout. When the friendly foursome sees Damon, Kelly and Jenna drinking at the bar, Matt's momentary happiness fades.
Pearl's Pilfered Pad: Fred and Bethanne leave for a night on the town. Harper reminds them of Pearl's wishes, but without her there to back him up, he's unable to stop them. And I've decided I really hate Fred, so I hope he goes down and applies for that bartender job at the Grill.
Gilbert Gables: Anna stops by to see Germ, who is surprised she and her mother didn't leave town. "Change of plans." A beat. "I'm sorry. I thought you'd be psyched." Jeremy takes a moment then says he is. Anna tells him to step aside and saunters in. Once her back is to him, Jeremy's expression darkens.
Grill Bar: Okay, my notes read: "Damon remains of shaky ground kaboom." Got that? What, you need more? Okay, let's go to the tape. Jenna notices Damon is awfully glum and tells him whatever it is, it can't be that bad. Damon says, "You'd be surprised. My primary reason for existence has abandoned me, and after today's events, the remains of the shaky ground that I walk on are about to go kaboom." Damon remains of shaky ground kaboom. Clearly, people. Please try to keep up. He takes a moment, moves into what would be Kelly's personal bubble, if she had one, and says to the ladies, "Let's get hammered." Kelly and Jenna are all for that. Upon downing their shots, Kelly reveals herself to be the Woooo Girl we never doubted she was.
Over at the pool table, the young'uns are not impressed by their "adult" relatives. But Matt brings up the time Elena's parents busted the drunken group of them (that is, the kids, not the bar bunch), after Homecoming. Stefan laughs and smiles. In fact, even Caroline enjoys this story until Elena mentions that her father grounded her from seeing Matt. She excuses herself to go to the restroom and invites Elena in a way that's really a command. Meanwhile, over at the bar, Jenna and Kelly finally twig to the fact that the kids are right across the room. Jenna worries: "This is not role model-ish." Me, I'm just more concerned that Jenna's choosing to drink in a bar with Damon and Kelly Fricking Donovan, when Alaric Saltzman is wandering the streets of Mystic Falls, unattached and in need of comfort.
Gilbert Gables: Anna tells Jeremy that a business opportunity (opening a little store) changed Pearl's plans to move. Anna thinks she might give up homeschooling for high school. Jeremy says he wishes she was already there. He's thinking of doing another vampire-themed paper. Anna won't be drawn out that easily, but Jeremy really works it. "I want to understand why people were labeled vampires back in the day. Maybe is such a thing as vampires; they're just different from the way we always thought they were. [...] Maybe they're normal and good -- just outsiders -- misunderstood. [...] Don't you think it could be possible. You gave me all that info." Anna says, "Jeremy, I made it up, okay? You were all cute and floppy [not fluffy, closed captioners] and I wanted to make a good impression." Yes, because nothing impresses like being a quirky home-scholar who is convinced there are monsters under the bed.
Grill: While the girls are in the restroom, Matt and Stefan get a chance to bond at the billiard table. When Stefan makes a shot, Matt asks if there's anything he's not good at. Stefan laughs. "Double dating." He then goes on to explain he usually keeps to himself and doesn't always fit in. Matt grins as he sets up his shot. "That's because you're that guy." Stefan: "What guy?" Matt: "The guy who seems like he has everything, so people that don't kind of run the other way." Stefan wonders if that's what he seems like. Matt says, "Pretty much." Stefan: "Hmmmm. What a dick." Matt laughs. "Yeah." Stefan. "Ah." Heee. That was really adorable and thoroughly well played.
Restroom: Caroline asks Elena what she thinks she's doing, by hopscotching down memory lane with Matt, rather than showing how much she cares about Stefan. Elena says she's just trying to make conversation. Caroline's lip curls. "Try less." She swoops out of the bathroom, leaving Elena to chase after to her. Elena is interrupted, however, by Fred. He's sitting at the bar, and when she starts to walk by, he stands and gets in her way. "Katherine?" Elena handles this surprise pretty well. "I'm sorry. You have the wrong person." Caroline calls out for her, as Fred backs down. "My mistake." Neither Stefan nor Damon hear any of this with their bionic ears.
Back at the pool table, Elena asks Stefan how everything's going. "Matt's cheating." Matt laughs. "No need; I'm awesome." Over at the bar, Fred points out Stefan Salvatore to Bethanne. Back at the double date, Stefan knows something is up. Even though neither Damon nor Stefan seem to be using their ears tonight, Elena remembers this vampire power, so rather than tell Stefan, she types a text message on her phone, and shows it to him. "That man over there just called me Katherine." By the time Stefan turns his head, Fred and Bethanne are gone. Commercial.
Mossy Manse; Exterior: Seated in the car, Elena and Stefan discuss sending Matt and Caroline on their way home, once they arrive at the manse, but Elena decides that if there's one more vampire in Mystic Falls, they can worry about it tomorrow. They need their normal night. Just then, Matt and Caroline drive up. The couple kiss before exiting the car to greet their guests.
Mossy Manse; Interior: Caroline says this is much better than watching Damon visit Cougar Town. In theory, I completely disagree, but in practice most of the scenes featuring the triumvirate of tipsiness did little for me. Matt marvels at the size of the parlor, noting his whole house could fit in it, twice. Caroline looks around. "I feel like I've been here before." Stefan and Elena hold their tongues. It's then that Matt notices Stefan's collection of model cars. Upon learning Matt is a car nut, Stefan says, "Come with me." We cut to...
Grill; Triumvirate of Tipsiness: When Kelly uses her tongue to knot her cherry stem, and Damon is impressed, Jenna takes that as her cue to leave. I'm with you, Jenna. I'm so sad this isn't working for me as well as I want it to. Don't get me wrong. Damon and Kelly are hotter than whoa. Maybe it's just that Jenna should never have been there."
Mossy Manse Garage: Stefan unveils his classic car, which he doesn't drive, because it doesn't run. 162 years old, and able to maintain a mansion, but unable to call a mechanic and get his car fixed? Obviously, this is all contrived to give Stefan and Matt another chance to bond, when Matt fixes Stefan's car. Tsk, Show. You're better than this. Anyhow, Matt reminisces about Elena's father's classic Camaro. He (Matt) must have rebuilt the engine a hundred times. Caroline says she doesn't like sports cars. They're too hard to make out in. Matt looks at Elena. "Nah. It wasn't that bad. With her eyes, Elena telegraphs to Matt: you're not only too dumb for me, you might just be too dumb for Caroline. And for words. And to live. Caroline leaves in a snit. Elena goes after her. Matt apologizes, not to Caroline, but to Stefan, who has more than a century's worth of perspective. He figures it does no one any good to ignore Elena and Matt's shared history. Matt returns the kindness by saying that Elena is good with Stefan. "I wasn't sure, but she's happy, and I'm glad." And yet? Still painfully, painfully dumb.
Grill; Exterior: Jenna stumbles out of the bar and breaks a heel off her boot. Fred rides to the rescue by ripping off the heel off her other boot. He then feels her up for information about where Damon lives. Jenna obliges and says Damon's still inside if Fred wants to catch up with him. Fred gets all flirty and says he'd rather stay outside with her. Jenna might be an un-role model-ish role model, and the world's most crap guardian (as an actual parent, Kelly's in a whole different class), but I've seen stupider drunks. She knows that hot guy + drunk her equals very bad things. I've known a few women who should have that tattooed on the back of their hands. It's then that Fred turns the schmooze up to high and the compulsion eyes up to maximum. He brushes her hair away from her eyes. "I'm pretty sure you'd like it." Jenna waits a beat, and then snickers, right in his face, as she tells him that was a seriously lame pick up. Thank you, Vervain! Fred senses the protective herb is at work, noting the nice scent she's wearing. "What is it?" Jenna says it was a gift. "And that is a cab, so..." She walks off, thank goodness. Once the cab takes her away, Fred tells the lurking Bethanne that Vervain is making it hard to find something to eat in this town. We cut to...
Mossy Manse Grounds: Elena catches up with Caroline and tries to talk her out of her snit, but Caroline is playing in the deep end of the self-pity pool. "I am Matt's Elena-back-up. I am your Bonnie back up." Elena interrupts. "Now this is about me and Bonnie?" Caroline says Elena doesn't get it, because she's always everyone's first choice. Just then, the boys roll out the car, which Matt got working, without needing to buy one thing in the middle of the night -- after it's sat dormant for years. Ugh. Stefan, sensing Caroline is still in a tizzy, offers to let Matt take the car and Caroline out for a spin. As the still shaky new couple drives the Contrivance Coupe into the darkness, I heave a sigh of relief. Once they're alone, Stefan asks Elena if she's all right. Elena chuckles. "If it's not vampires, it's girlfriends." You wanted normal, kiddo.
Gilbert Gables: Jeremy and Anna are making sandwiches, but when Anna turns her back for a second, Jeremy intentionally slices open the palm of his hand. Anna is so freaked she can't even hand him a towel. Jeremy pushes the subject of blood until Anna shoves him up against the fridge and vamps out. "What are you doing?" Jeremy smiles. "I knew it. Go for it." Anna hesitates, but finally drinks, right from his hand. Jeremy finds it both painful and arousing. If he turns into another Riley Finn, I'm going to raise a ruckus that hasn't been heard since the Sunnydale Hellmouth collapsed in on itself. Thankfully, they're interrupted by Jenna's return. Jeremy does a crap job at acting casual as he asks what's up, but Jenna's too drunk to notice. She just nods toward the open kitchen door and tells him to make sure he locks it up. Once she heads upstairs, Jeremy returns to the kitchen to find Anna gone. He looks down at his hand, and smiles a secret little smile.
Contrivance Coupe: Matt and Caroline pull over to work through their differences. Matt knows the double date was a test and wants to know if he passed. Um. Caroline isn't sure. Matt figures it's his fault she has turned into a crazy person. "I made it pretty clear early on that Elena -- it means something to me, but all that talk was just two old friends and some memories. Tonight wasn't about me and Elena. I was there, because I wanted to be with you. I don't know what this means or what we are, but I do know that you're the only person I want to be in this car with, right now. I don't even know if this make sense, because I'm not good at expressing myself." Human again, Caroline is nearly breathless as she assures him he's doing just fine. Their lips find each other until Caroline lets out a surprised gasp. "Ow." A beat. "Sports Cars!" Heh. Matt says, "Yeah."
Meanwhile, back at Mossy Manse: Kelly and Damon, who -- as far as they know -- have an entire mansion at their disposal, decide to get hot and heavy in a common area. Damon can't decide if he wants her lips or jugular more, but settles on the former. Eventually, he leans against the wall and hoists her up until she's straddling him. As she throws her head back in delight, Matt and Caroline walk in. Matt stops dead in his tracks. "Mom?!" He says that like she's a real mother. Kelly and her semi-raised skirt slowly slide down Damon Salvatore. "Oh my God, Matt. Oh my God." As she leans down and picks up her purse, Stefan and Elena join the happy party. Matt looks at Caroline as he gestures toward Kelly. "I gotta..." Caroline says, "It's fine." Elena will get Caroline home. Matt returns the Contrivance Coupe keys to Stefan with a pat on the shoulder and an embarrassed, "Thanks, man." Elena and Caroline glare at Damon, who ignores them and takes another drink.
Pearl's Pilfered Pad: Anna sneaks in to find Pearl and a good scolding waiting for her. "Annabelle, don't do this. I can't fight you, too." Anna holds her tongue and possibly holds back her tears. When Pearl says, "What?" Anna apologizes. Pearl hugs her and we leave them.
Stefan wishes he could drive Elena home, but she points out that normal people don't have chaperones and bodyguards and she can't live like that. He makes her promise to call when she gets home safe. Caroline says, "Goodbye, Stefan," as the girls drive off.
Meanwhile, from a distance, Fred and Bethanne watch Mossy Manse.
Inside, Damon tells Stefan to spare him the lecture, but it's not Stefan who spares him, it's Fred and Bethanne. Since there's no human in residence, there's nothing to keep them from crashing through a window. Has anyone been keeping count of broken windows at the Manse, because I'm thinking at this point, the boys should ask their glazier to move in. The four vampires battle. After Stefan manages to stake Bethanne, Fred flees. Once the boys are alone, Stefan says, "I remember them from 1864." Damon wipes his lips and straightens his shoulders. "Yeah. About that..." Commercial.
Donovan Domicile: Matt reads his mother the riot act. His night out with his friends was interrupted by his mother who got wasted at his place of employ and then hooked up with a guy (who, as far as the Donovans know, is) half her age. "I'm the kid, Mom. You're supposed to be responsible for me." Kelly: "I know, Matt." Of course you do, but does it matter, Kelly? Make it matter.
Gilbert Gables: Elena and Jeremy share a sink as they brush their teeth and lie that they had ordinary nights.
Pearl's Pilfered Pad: Fred tells Pearl she was right, they shouldn't have gone out -- and breaks the news to her that Bethanne won't be coming back. Pearl seems to forgive him awfully quickly and offers him some bottled blood, but it's a ruse. As soon as she's within striking distance, she stakes him with the pointy handle of a wooden spoon -- just to the pain -- not the kill. "time you'll listen to me." Yes'm, Miss Pearl.
Gilbert Gables: Finally in bed, Elena calls Stefan. As they talk, we cut to Mossy Manse, where, in the background, Damon is hauling Bethanne's corpse toward the fireplace. Ha, for once, he's the sweeper. Glad to see it. Elena can sense something is up, but Stefan tells her that it's nothing that won't wait until tomorrow. He wants her to enjoy her last few minutes of normal. When Elena tells him she had a good time, tonight, Stefan laughs. "Such a liar." Elena means it. In a way, it was exactly what a regular teenaged night out is all about. She's not wrong. Drama is part and parcel of it. When Stefan ends his call, Damon groans in the background. "Can you help me out, a little bit?" Don't do it, Stefan!
Meanwhile, Anna pops into Jeremy's bedroom and startles the hell out of him. She wants to know what his little act was all about. "I could have killed you." Jeremy says she didn't. He tells her about Vicki -- how she was attacked by an animal -- a bite to the neck. She started acting weird, and it seemed like it could be drugs, but.... Then he saw Anna's face chance, that night in the cemetery. She asks if he's told anyone. Jeremy says, "Who would believe me?" Anna: "You'd be surprised." Audience: Like whoa. Jeremy wants to know why Anna didn't kill him. She doesn't know. "Maybe I'm a sucker for guys like you." Germ: "Like what?" Anna: "Lost." She wants to know why he risked confronting her. Jeremy explains that if it was true about her, then maybe it was true about Vicki, too. And then he adds, "And also because...I want you to turn me." DUN!
I'm out of analysis time this week, so I'm going to leave it at that. I'll see you Friday morning with my recaplet of this week's episode: "Let the Right One In." In the meantime, if you've got a theory, comment, question, or other feedback, you can email me at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com, or twit to me on Twitter. Then come on over to the forums, where we make you ask three times, before we turn you.