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Welcome back, everyone! It felt like that hiatus was never going to end. I swear the longest part of it was from Monday 'til now, so let's get right to it. We pick up where we left off on November fricking 19th, 2009, in "The Turning Point". Elena ripped off her Vervain necklace, fled Stefan's and ran over something that went bump in the night. Her SUV flipped, but she was still conscious. She looked out the window only to see her victim reset his own bones
He rises and plods toward her, but just as he reaches her wreck, something seems to startle him, because he flees. That something is Damon, who frees Elena from what's left of her ride, and once she's unconscious, he loads her in his car and drives her to Georgia, because that's where the show is filmed. Oh, and also, because Gina Torres a.k.a. Zoe Washburn is some bartender/witch named Bree, from Damon's past, and that's where she's at. Damon wants Bree to tell him how to free Katherine without the benefit of Emily's crystal. Bree says it's impossible; Emily's spell is absolute. She does give him an overly warm welcome, though, and makes it clear to Elena (who doesn't even want to be there at first) that she's not just from Damon's past -- they also have a past. But when Damon's not looking, Bree makes a call to a mysterious stranger to let him know that Damon's at her bar. The guy shows up, grabs a drunken Elena when she's outside taking a call, and uses her as bait to capture Damon. The guy isn't just a guy. He's a vampire, and he's the late, great Lexi's lover. She turned him so they could be together forever, but since Damon screwed that up, he's planning on making Damon a little cocktail -- in the Molotov family. Elena talks vengeance boy down from killing Damon, because he's her ride, and she's wasted -- oh, and because she knows vengeance boy must have a good heart because Lexi loved him. But before they leave, Damon runs back in the bar for a moment, gets a last bit of information about Emily Bennett's grimoire from Bree, and then rips her heart out. For real. Fly. Be free, Zoe. You're a leaf on the wind now, too. Go find Wash. He's so much better than Damon.
In the B-plot, Stefan, who learns Damon is with the missing Elena, asks Bonnie to do a spell to locate them, but Bonnie's mojo has gone AWOL. Grams tells her she's blocked and she has to figure out why. She returns to old church ruins -- the site of her last big magical extravaganza, and the ground gives way beneath her feet. Stefan rescues her and returns her to Grams, who remembers him from the '60s. Grams is pretty cool with Stefan, but does let him know that when push comes to shove, she takes care of her own, first, which makes me wonder if Bree was Bonnie's absent mother. Hmmm.
The episode ends with Elena and Stefan having yet another talk. He explains about her resemblance to Katherine and that he doesn't know if/how Katherine and Elena are related, because when he was stalking Elena in the months before they met (after he saved her from the accident that killed her parents), he discovered a secret about her that even she doesn't know -- she's adopted.
Meanwhile, in the C-plot, Jeremy meets a girl (who resembles Elena a little, I think) and Alaric sees Damon and flashes back to the last time he saw him -- the night Damon killed his wife. I'll catch you on the flip side with the full weecap. Until then, please don't advertise to the vampires that you're loaded with Vervain. It's not so much a deterrent as an invitation to improvise.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! Previously on The Vampire Diaries: For over a century, vampire Stefan Salvatore has lived in secret -- until now. He has to know her. She is the recently orphaned Elena Gilbert and by the end of The Turning Point, they know each other in the biblical sense. But when Stefan leaves Elena alone in his bedroom, where he keeps anything that ever mattered to him, she finds an old (circa 1864) portrait of his late love, Katherine Pierce (who is magically sealed in a tomb under the old Falls Church ruins by her witch/handmaid Emily Bennett, ancestor of Elena's friend, Bonnie, who is also a witch, but much less a handmaid). When Elena realizes she is a dead ringer for Stefan's undead lady, she rips off her Vervain necklace (which protects her from being compelled) in a completely impractical hissy fit and then (understandably) flees Mossy Manse in her SUV. She speeds her way back home until she runs over some thing that goes bump in the night. Her SUV flips, but Elena is still conscious. She looks out the window only to see her victim reset his own bones. In other news, Bonnie learns that Stefan and Damon are vampires when she destroys Emily Bennett's magical crystal, and a new history teacher/Slayer/gaudy ring aficionado Alaric Saltzman arrives in town.NOW: Stefan returns to his room to find Elena gone. Her necklace has been laid atop Katherine's portrait. He tries to phone Elena, but when she doesn't answer, the poor shirtless bloodsucker is forced to leave her an "I can explain" voicemail. It seems crass to eavesdrop, so let's just cover our ears and take in the scenery, dears. Ah, that's the stuff.
We get a brief replay of the accident. A boogedy-boogedy appears in the middle of the road. Elena sees him -- but too late. She hits him and flips over her ride. She's still conscious, but is trapped upside down inside the wreck. Nina Dobrev's skin is so young that being upside-down has a minimal effect on her features. I'm pretty sure I'd look like the Joker. Damn it. Anyhow, whoever Elena hit is still moving. And now he's putting all the king's horses and all the king's men to shame as he resets his own broken bones. Humpty Dumpty rises and plods toward Elena. When he reaches her, he crouches down. His head is all but hidden by his hood. Elena's screams do not stop him, but something else does. He pauses and then zips away at vampyric speed.
Damon appears and frees Elena from what's left of her ride. Holding her like a newborn (I've seen comparisons to The O.C.'s version of the Pietà , but I'm ignoring them lalalalalala la) he asks if she can stand or if anything is broken. He takes her groans as the go-ahead to set her on her feet, but she's unsteady and having difficulty focusing. Finally she looks him in the eye. "I look like her." Damon looks like he'd appreciate the confirmation context provides, but he's not going to get it right now. Elena swoons (but in a faint-y way, not they way we do). He strokes her hair and lifts her back with an "Upsy Daisy," and after looking around the dark Virginia night, he carries her down the road, and a hundred bucks says he's not taking her back to Stefan. My word, Nina's hair is pretty. She must have extensions, right? And yet...if she does, those are the best extensions, ever. I always make much of the male eye-candy in this show, but the women are just as beautiful, and Dobrev leads the pack (and Graham, too).
Oh and now Alaric has caught the DIARY-Ahhh. He and his conspicuous ring journal about his encounter with an actual vampire. "I found one, after years of research and study. There it was, right in front of me. I was terrified. As I stared it in the eyes, I drove a stake through its heart. I was right about Mystic Falls; there is evil here. I can sense it -- feel it. It's everywhere." Alaric's gaze lingers on the picture of his allegedly dead wife. He flashes back to waking her with an early morning kiss. She hates morning people, so she's probably going to LOVE whatever vampire does her in, AMIRITE? They exchange I-love-yous and I wonder when Mia Kirshner started to look like the three-way love child of Katie Holmes, Eliza Dushku and Shiri Appleby (calm down, boys).
As Damon drives an unconscious Elena down a rural road, Zach Roerig and Michael Trevino's names appear in the credits, but... ***SPOILERS***...it's a dirty, dirty lie. Those pretty boys are not in this episode, and boo hiss for that. Anyhow, Elena comes to, and asks where they are. When Damon says they're in Georgia, Elena says they can't be. She's wrong. After Damon reassures her that he checked her all over for broken bones (oh, you know he copped a feel somewhere in there), Elena wants to talk about the accident. "I hit a man." Since Humpty Dumpty put himself together again, Damon, like Elena, wishes he knew who it was. Anyhow, Elena makes Damon pull over in order to give Stefan an opportunity to call her while she's outside with the Georgia sun beating down on her shiny shiny hair. Before Stefan picks up on his cue though, Elena moans and groans her way out of the car and Damon Stealth-Salvatores to her side, because he's nothing if not charming (in that serial killer way). She rants that she can't go to Georgia, because she wrecked her car and people will be worried about her, but Damon reminds her she's already in Georgia, "without your magical necklace, I might add. I could very easily make you... agreeable." When Elena asks him what he's trying to prove, her phone finally rings. Damon reveals he has it, and answers it like you knew the pixie-monster-bastard would. "Elena's phone." When Stefan wants to talk to Elena, she shakes Damon off, so he takes the opportunity to rub this in his brother's face. Stefan gets all puffed up about how Damon better not lay a hand on her. Stefan, relax dude. Her name's in the credits. Even if Damon kills her, it's only going to be a prelude to siring her. Back at Mossy Manse, Stefan throws his phone on the floor and picks up her Vervain necklace to drive home the point that Damon could enthrall her, which would be cool if Damon hadn't just literally driven home that very same point.
Back on the road, Damon cajoles Elena into going with him to "a little place, just outside of Atlanta." Her problems are still going to be there when she gets home. She can step away from her life for five minutes. Elena asks if she's going to be safe with him, because she knows Damon to be an honest soul that she can always trust...what? And she asks that he not enthrall her, because she knows Damon to be an honest soul that she can always trust...what Damon yes-es, her -- that is, until she outright asks if she can trust him, because she knows Damon is...Oh, come on. Even Damon has no patience for her sudden loss of intellect. Rather than answer her, he hustles her back in the car.
Mystic Falls High School Parking Lot: As Alaric rifles through his car, Jeremy walks up and greets him. Alaric is looking for his conspicuous ring, which he explains he took off before going to the gym. Alaric is protected by shade for almost all of this scene, so he could be a vampire vampire-slayer, but the sun does hit on his hands once or twice before he finds the bling, and there's no sizzle, so I'm going out on a limb and saying he's not. He slides it on and blathers about how terrible it would be to lose a family heirloom. Jeremy -- whose suffering was removed thanks to
Damon -- doesn't even twitch, even though he lost his heirloom pocket watch which is really an ACTUAL VAMPIRE COMPASS. The duo natters about the extra-credit project Jeremy's doing to get himself out of the jackass file.
Elsewhere on campus, Stefan catches up with Bonnie who appreciates that he saved her life but isn't really down with hanging with a bloodsucking fiend. God bless her and her good sense. Stefan plays the only card he has -- but it's the only one he needs to get Bonnie to help him with a spell. "It's Elena...and she's with Damon." At one of the picnic tables, Bonnie takes hold of Elena's Vervain necklace, but can't get a read on her. I idly wonder if the Vervain is blocking her in the same way it chemically castrates vampires, but I'm proven wrong as soon as Bonnie picks up a leaf from the ground and is unable to make it float (like she did the feathers). Great. Who broke Bonnie?
On the road again: Elena asks Damon where her car is. He said he dragged it off the road. Elena, don't panic. Jenna is the world's most crap guardian. She probably doesn't even know you're missing, yet. In the course of conversation, they also conclude Humpty Dumpty is probably a vampire. Elena sounds unconvinced when she says, "You didn't know him?" Damon deadpans. "If I've never met him, I wouldn't know him." A beat. "It's not like we all hang out together at the Vamp Bar and Grill." That's a damn shame. They finally arrive at their destination: Bree's Bar. Elena, who spends all her free time at "The Grill" in Mystic Falls, which looked an awful lot like a bar the last time I checked, complains that they'll never let her in a bar, because she's not of age. Damon's not so worried about it, though. Inside, we find Bree, who is played by the lovely and talented Gina Torres, aka Zoe Washburn from Firefly. She hops up on and over the bar and greets Damon with a, "My honey pie," and a way more than perfunctory kiss. Just as they go back for seconds we cut to...Commercial!
Bree, and I'll be calling her Zoe so get used to it, pours a row of shots as she says, "Listen up everybody. Here's to the man that broke my heart, crushed my soul, destroyed my life, and ruined any and all chances of happiness. Drink up." Zoe downs a shot. Damon downs two: his own, and (when Zoe's not looking) Elena's. Zoe wants to know how Damon roped Elena in. When Elena starts to protest that she's not roped in, Zoe doesn't let her finish her statement that she's dating Damon's brother. Instead, she cuts her off with a, "Honey, if you're not roped, you're whipped. Either way, just enjoy the ride." And readers, that cuts me to the quick. You might as well know this up front. I have a terrible time seeing my heroines turned into victims. I can't watch I Know What You Did Last Summer or Scream 2 (no offense, Kevin Williamson), because when Sarah Michele Gellar becomes the victim, I start yelling at my TV for Buffy to kick ass and take names. A part of Gina Torres will always be Firefly's Zoe to me, and Zoe is nothing if not fierce, so when she's talking about being roped and whipped by the Evil Pixie-Monster, I throw up a little in my mouth. She's a big damn hero, sir -- and that's that.
Anyhow, Zoe explains that 20 years ago, when she was a sweet young college frosh, she fell hard and fast for the Evil Pixie-Monster. Learning he was a vampire was just icing on her Pixie-Monster cake, because she had a secret she too was dying to share: she's a witch (we learn that courtesy of Damon; and before I forget -- ooh -- could she be Bonnie's long lost mother?). Zoe waxes lustily about the Damon of her youth, and Damon brags that he rocked her world. The vomit escapes my mouth. I cry and clean the carpet, as Zoe, my Zoe, talks about how he's good in the sack, but a "Walkaway Joe." Puke. She asks Damon, "So, what is it that you want," and we cut to...
Library: Jeremy is searching the stacks when a bunch of books jump off the shelf and land at his feet. As he crouches to pick them up, an adorable young thing -- Anna (Malese Jow; Unfabulous) rounds the corner, explains that there was a book wedgie situation that ended in "Kerplunk, kaboom." She asks if he's okay, and when she too crouches to pick up the books, they butt heads. She laughs and introduces herself, and is it just me, or does she look more like Elena than the Germ?
Second-Sight Shack: Bonnie is poring over Grams' books, trying to figure out where her mojo went, when Grams returns. She wants to know what scared Bonnie so badly that she's lost her powers. Bonnie can't tell -- it's a secret. Grams doesn't push, but does tell Bonnie she's got to figure it out if she wants to get herself unblocked.
Georgia On My Mind: Elena calls Jenna, tells her she's okay and lie-pologizes that she fell asleep at Bonnie's and went straight to school. Jenna, being the world's most crap guardian, seems unhappy, and yet swallows this hook, line, and sinker. When she asks her niece if she's okay, Elena offers up the old, "You know...Stefan and stuff." Indeed.
Bree's Bar: Damon wants to find another way to free Katherine from the sealed tomb underneath the old Falls Church ruins. Zoe says, "I already did, twenty years ago. Three easy steps: comet, crystal, spell." Since the crystal went kerplunk kaboom, Damon needs another way. Bree says that's his tough. "Emily's spell is absolute. You can't get into that tomb." Oh Zoe, do not taunt Evil Pixie-Monster.
Falls Church Ruins: Bonnie considers the ruins and then picks up the one green leaf lying atop the carpet of dead brown ones, and tries to float it, to no avail. She hears a noise, and lets the leaf fall in slow-mo, so we'll know this is scary, y'all, and then hollers, "Hello?" She looks left, right, hither and thither, and right after she yells, "Anybody here?" the ground underneath her feet gives way, and she falls down down down.
Bree's Bar: After she finishes her call to Aunt Jenna, Elena's still outside by Damon's car when her phone rings. It's Stefan, who wants to know where she is. Elena has a one track mind. "You lied." Stefan wants a chance to explain. Elena can't drop the whole lying thing and wants to know how she's connected to Katherine. When Stefan tries to give her a roundabout explanation, Elena hangs up on him. Meanwhile, Damon has been using his bionic vamp hearing so he Stealth-Salvatores his way outside and asks Elena if she's okay. While he's outside, Zoe turns on her blender to thwart the aforementioned bionic vamp hearing and says to the person on the other end of the line, "It's Bree. You'll never guess who walked into my bar." Commercial.
Falls Church Ruins; Underground: Bonnie's head has two perfect scratches on it, not unlike the two perfect scratches Elena got from flipping over her flipping car. She also has a bloody knee. She grimaces in pain, and looks around as she rises to her feet. She then freaks, sees a pentagram on the wall, and freaks some more.
Stefan approaches a brown house (number 2136). It's Second-Sight Shack. Gram answers the door and he offers his hand, saying that he's a friend of Bonnie's. Her dad told him she might be there. He wants to know where she went. Grams says she doesn't know -- but Stefan does. He's all, "Wha--?" Grams says, "I told her to face down her fear, and I'm sensing now that you know exactly why she was scared. You know what I am, and yet you offered me your hand, which means you wanted me to see that I can trust you." Stefan remains stone-faced. "Can you?" Grams says, "I trust you'll keep her safe. Better be on your way, then. I'm not going to invite you in. I'm sure you understand why." She raises her eyebrows and closes the door in his well-chiseled face.
Library: Anna's giving Germ the grand tour and helping him to find local history of the 1860s. He assumes she works there, but she's just home-schooled, and studying at the library to get a feel for a school environment. When he tells her his paper topic (local fear and hysteria surrounding the war and how it influenced certain writers at the time) Anna wisely advises that he narrow it down a bit. When Jeremy offers: "The origin of local folklore and myths," Anna refuses to play semantics. "You mean the vampires." Jeremy's eyes widen, as I woo-hoo. From reading here and there, I realize a lot of people think Anna's a bit too twee, and she probably is, but I love her and want to keep her as a pet. Is that wrong?
Bree's Bar: Elena wonders about her resemblance to Katherine and if it makes her part vamp. Damon explains that vampires can't procreate, "though we love to try." Card. Tell that to Angel and Darla. Anyhow, according to him, if she's Katherine's descendent it would mean Katherine spawned before she was turned. Elena wonders if Stefan was using her as a Katherine-replacement. Damon, always thinking of his brother, says, "Sounds kind of creepy if you ask me." She asks him about eating, and blah blah blah. MYTHOLOGY MOMENT: As long as they consume blood regularly, vampires can eat whatever they want. It's their Activia. Elena then orders a drink. When Damon is surprised, she reminds him of his recommendation that she take five minutes off from her life. Elena says that five minutes needs a beer.
Library: Anna -- who is wearing a rather impressive ring, herself -- thinks there might really be vampires out there. Jeremy tries on his Joss Whedon hat, saying, "Yeah, that would be folklore. Vampires are a metaphor for the demons of the day." In his mind, the demons of the day were Union soldiers. And I get where he's going, but as a lifelong Yankee (but never a Yankees fan, sorry New York), this is uncomfortable for me. I hate when the Confederacy is romanticized, even from a distance, but enough about me, what do you think of me? Wait. No. I mean...back to the story. Anna and Jeremy bicker back and forth for a few minutes over whether it sounds like there were real vampires, or it was all just creative expression. At any rate, Anna says Jeremy is much smarter than she first figured. So say we all, little one. So say we all. We also learn that Anna's great-whatever grandpa kept a journal full of spooky stories, just like Jeremy's ancestor. Isn't it romantic?
Falls Church Ruins Pit: Bonnie's still underground, freaking out. She keeps trying her cell phone but can't get a signal. Why is she not even trying to dig a toehold into the walls and climb herself out of there? This shit drives me crazy. Never fear though, Stefan Salvatore is here to save Bonnie and the day, after he scares the pants off her. He swoops her up and out -- into the forest, into the night. Bonnie mentions that she could hear the vamps her ancestor magically sealed beneath the tomb. "Are they in pain?" Stefan says, "In the beginning, yes. But not anymore. They've starved to the point of desiccation." Bonnie wants to know what happens if they get some blood. Stefan is too deep in denial to give a useful answer. "That's not gonna happen, Bonnie. Emily saw to that when she had you destroy the crystal. You're safe."
Bree's Bar: Elena is downing shots and getting loaded with the grown-ups and I don't want to encourage underage drinking, but she's kind of cute, here. She tells Damon he needs a bib. He tells her he can't unhinge his jaw like a snake (as she does). She orders another round from Zoe, despite the other patron who can't believe she's not on the floor by now. As Elena brags about her tolerance, a mysterious stranger (Lee; Brandon Quinn) catches Zoe's eye. She approaches him and nods in Damon and Elena's direction and we cut to...
The Mystic Grill: Jeremy and Anna are still going back and forth over actual monsters versus metaphor, but now they're doing it over a game of foosball. When Jeremy makes some horror movie references she doesn't catch (The Lost Boys and Near Dark) Anna proposes they have a "fright night" and O.D. on old horror movies. And then, we get our first inkling, since Jeremy's mind was wiped, that he still remembers being in love with Vicki. He tells Anna that he just got out of a relationship and he's not looking for anything. Anna over-compensates as she tells him she totally just meant that as a friendly invitation.
Bree's Bar: Elena's waving her hands in the air like she just don't care -- until her cell phone rings and she shows us she totally cares. And even though it's just Jenna, not Stefan, she takes the call outside, so as to escape the noise. It's then that mysterious stranger Lee strikes. Before Elena can do much more than confirm for Jenna that she's okay, she trips, which momentarily makes me hate this show, because Lee then grabs her and drags her off into the dark. Elena's cell phone falls to the ground. Pretty girls, please take back the night. Do it for Buffy, yeah?
Bree's Bar: Zoe asks Damon where his girl is. He looks around and realizes Elena is nowhere to be found. When he goes outside, he finds her up on some sort of structure. (Look, it's late; I'm tired; my office TV is awfully small). Elena warns him off. "It's a trap," but she's too late or Damon doesn't care. Lee appears and proceeds to beat the snot out of Damon. As you can imagine, it takes a while. As Damon grunts, "What the hell?" and Elena cries in terror, Lee vamps out and pours gasoline all over his little Evil Pixie Monster body. Damon asks, "Who are you?" Lee says it's perfect that he's so clueless. Elena doesn't understand. Finally, Lee explains, "My girlfriend went to visit Stefan and Damon killed her." Elena realizes that Lee's girlfriend is was Lexi. Elena says she knew Lexi and thought her lover was human. "Lexi turned you?" Lee lights a match, and then looks from Damon to Elena and says, "If you want to be with someone forever, you have to live forever." Elena, I believe you just got thwacked by the foreshadowing fairy. Anyhow, Elena tries her best to talk Lee down, reminding him that Lexi was good and loved him, and so he must be good and blah blah blah. Lee finally relents, shakes out the match and instead of lighting Damon up like the Fourth of July, he throws him across the alley and into a wall.
Second-Sight Shack: Stefan brings Bonnie home. After she and Stefan have a moment, she retires, leaving him alone with Grams. They remember one another. Grams' name is Sheila, and she and Stefan met at an anti-war protest in October 1969, when Grams was barely in her teens. "You took a big risk coming to see me earlier, letting me read you, realize who you were -- could have gone in a completely different way." Stefan nods. "Well, your family has a very long history of keeping my secret. I knew that I could trust you, if you believed that I was worthy of your trust." Sheila says "Bonnie knows, doesn't she?" When Stefan confirms that, she continues, "Well, please understand that our loyalty can only extend so far. This town won't be easy on any of us if they figure it out. And I'll protect my own before anyone else." Stefan's turned into a bobblehead. "I know that." Sheila shrugs. "As long as we're clear." The bid each other goodnight, and we cut to...
Bree's Bar: Zoe knocks back a shot...**SPOILER**...like there's no tomorrow -- because there isn't, for her. Oh, at first she tries to fake like she didn't set Lee on Damon's trail, but then she warns him that she's chock full of Vervain. Don't do that, Zoe. It only encourages Damon to improvise, but I'm jumping ahead. Damon puts her on the spot. "And you're telling me this, why?" She reminds him that Lexi was her friend. When Damon zooms up to her, Zoe tries to talk herself out of her now certain death and indicates there are other ways to open the Katherine-tomb. "Emily's grimoire -- her spell book. If you know how she closed the tomb, the reversal process will be in her book. You can open that tomb!" Damon moves in closer. "And where is this book? [...] You have no idea." Bree stammers, "No, I am telling you the truth." Damon tilts his head and caresses her hair and cheek. "And I believe you. My dear sweet Bree, that's why I'm sorry." Then the Evil Pixie-Monster reaches right in our Zoe Washburn's chest and rips out her heart. Literally. Zoe falls to the floor, but YOU CAN'T TAKE THE SKY FROM HER, DAMON!
On The Road Again; daylight: Damon and Elena head back home toward Virginia. Elena wants to know why Damon brought her along to Georgia. Damon tells her: "Well, you're not the worst company in the world, Elena. You should give yourself more credit. [...] I don't know. You were there in the road, all damsel-in-distress-like. And I knew it would piss off Stefan. And... you're not the worst company in the world, Elena." Elena shifts in her seat. "I used to be more fun." That's all right, Elena. Damon used to be witty. When Damon assures her she did okay, Elena reminds him that she saved his life. Oh, Elena. If only you knew what he just did to Zoe.
Mossy Manse: Elena marches into Stefan's bedroom, and after a loaded, "Hi," she chastises him, because he told her there would be no more lies. She can handle all his truths. "I can accept the fact that the world is a much more mysterious place than I thought possible, but this lie -- I cannot take." Stefan promises that she isn't like Katherine, but Elena demands to know when he figured that out. "Before I kissed you? Before you slept with me." Stefan says, "Before I met you. [...] The first day of school, when we met, it wasn't for the first time, Elena." Elena says, "Then when was it?" Stefan looks her straight in the eye. "May 23rd, 2009. [...] That was the day your parents' car went off the bridge. [...] Every couple of years I come back here to see Zach and see my home. And last spring, I was out in the woods by Old Wickory Bridge, and I heard the accident. All of it. I was fast getting there, but not fast enough. The car was already submerged. Your dad -- he was still conscious. I was able to get to him, but he wouldn't let me help him, until I helped you." Elena cries as she recounts that nobody in the hospital could figure out how she escaped the car. Stefan explains that he went back for her parents, but it was too late to save them. When he pull
ed her out and saw her ridiculous resemblance to Katherine, he spent months making sure she wasn't actually Katherine. And not only was she not, she was Katherine's polar opposite. He wanted to leave town, but he couldn't without first knowing her. He wanted to tell her, but he couldn't -- she was so sad. Elena catches her breath. "Why do I look like her?" Stefan swears he doesn't know, but he does have one more MAJOR news item. "It didn't make any sense to me. You were a Gilbert, and she was a Pierce. But the resemblance was too similar. And then I learned the truth. You were adopted, Elena." !!!
Library: Anna finds Jeremy to show him that she's found "sort of proof" which supports her VAMPIRES ARE REAL theory. "I only went as far back as 1942, and found that there's been a string of animal attacks periodically in and around this town for the past 75 years. It's consistent. Look, in '62, five bodies found. In '53, four people killed. In '74, three people dead. And there's been five this year. All attacked, and all suffered major blood loss. As in... drained of blood." Jeremy blinks and we cut back to...
Mossy Manse: A tearful Elena asks Stefan how he knows she was adopted. Stefan leans in toward her. "Your -- your birth certificate from the city records, it says 'Elena Gilbert, Mystic Falls General', but -- but there's no record of your mother ever being admitted. There's no record of her ever being pregnant." Elena asks what else he knows. Stefan says, "For me to go any further, I would have had to look into the Pierce family, and I couldn't do that. It's too much of a risk. If someone found out that I was asking about Katherine.... Listen to me, it doesn't matter. You are the woman that I love. I love you." Elena smiles through her tears and leans in to kiss Stefan. Even after they stop, he holds her tight and strokes her hair. The camera pulls back, and we cut to...
Gilbert Gables: Aunt Jenna is sitting on the couch, hastily leafing through a magazine when Elena finally returns home from her big adventure. Jenna rises and walks toward her niece. "I don't set a lot of rules, Elena, not with you. I trust you to tell me the truth. Where were you? And why did you lie to me about it? I thought that we were closer than that." Elena isn't playing. "Now is not the time you want to talk to me about lies." Jenna warns her against turning the conversation around like that, but Elena doesn't back down. "Okay, question: am I adopted? I trust you to tell me the truth too, Jenna. How could you not tell me? I thought we were closer than that." Jenna stumbles all over herself, but it boils down to this: Elena's parents asked her not to reveal the truth. Elena doesn't want to hear it. She slams the door and we cut to...
The Mystic Grill: Alaric is grading papers at the bar when Damon walks in and orders a bourbon. He looks down the bar and nods at Alaric. Alaric flashes back to his last morning with his wife, when he told her he'd be late getting home. Then he flashes back to his last night with her. He enters her bedroom to find her in another man's arms. That other man is our favorite Evil Pixie Monster -- Damon, who pauses to sigh in ecstasy, before he sinks his bloody fangs back into the late Mrs. Saltzman's neck. Back in the present, Alaric realizes who is sitting five feet to his left. He lifts his drink with his bling hand, takes an oh so meaningful sip, and sets it back down on the bar. His hand shakes until he slams it down on the bar. And? Scene.
Well, you know, no matter the flaws in any given episode, I cannot fault the pacing. Williamson, Plec, et alia give us everything they've got -- every week the show airs. I'm drowning in bloody reveals. Still, I have questions. I truly don't get Bonnie's lineage. It's a surname thing. Emily Bennett's surname was... well... Bennett. Likewise, Bonnie's surname is Bennett. And according to anything I can find, Jasmine Guy's Sheila is a Bennett, too -- but according to a reader, who seemed to take umbrage at my genealogical confusion, Guy is playing Bonnie's maternal grandmother, so...yeah, how are they all Bennetts? We know Bonnie's dad is in the picture, because she lives with him (except for when she's staying with Grams). Okay, so maybe Bonnie's mother didn't marry her dad and didn't give Bonnie his surname. But so then are we to also think Sheila didn't marry Bonnie's grandfather and didn't give Bonnie's mom his surname? This is a little clunky, but it can be explained. Still, right now? It itches.
That said, I really appreciate that the show is not shying away from Damon being a mass murderer. One "Angel"-vampire is enough, for now. Damon is Damon. He's pretty and as sweet as honey when he wants something and/or thinks someone is worth it, but for him -- at the end of the day -- humans are a lower life form. He feels no more guilty about killing them than I feel about eating a hamburger. Still, and although Elena doesn't know he killed Bree/Zoe, she does know about Vicki and Lexi, and how he's treated Caroline, so it also sort of itches that she's so comfortable hanging with him and begging for his life. I hope she finds out that soon after she obtained mercy for him (from Lee), he failed to give Bree/Zoe the same consideration.
After such a long hiatus, I missed Matt, Caroline, and Tyler. I hope they're back in the episode. Cross your fingers, gentle readers. Until then, please don't advertise to the vampires that you're loaded with Vervain. It's not so much a deterrent as an invitation to improvise.
More seriously, please don't forget about Haiti. If you haven't yet donated, I've collected a bunch of links to reputable charities. They're right here starting on page 11 of my last HIMYM weecap. Click away, my friends.
Cindy McLennan can't believe you like Damon as much as she does. You should tell her your reasons in e-mail, or on Twitter.