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The Sheriff investigates Vicki's "disappearance," but Stefan, Elena, Germ and Pudding Pop don't give her anything to go on. The assumption is that she's taken off, which isn't a new addition to her repertoire. Because Germ was enthralled by Damon, he's not only good with this, he's great. He's clean, sober, and devoted to his school work. Elena, who last week said she didn't want to stop feeling whatever it is she feels for Stefan is back to wanting to avoid him. But that's okay, his female, be-fanged BFF (FBfBFF), Lexi, shows up to celebrate his 162nd birthday. The FBfBFF doesn't kill people, but she does drink human blood she gets from a phlebotomist (er... from his work, not his veins). She's older and stronger than our pretty brothers, and relishes in reminding Damon of that fact when he makes himself a pest. She's kind of delightful, so of course she's a goner.
Elena changes her mind about Stefan, AGAIN, and goes to see him, but he's in the shower, so the FBfBFF lets her in. She is shocked by Elena's resemblance to Katherine, and Elena is shocked that a blonde in a towel is answering her erstwhile boyfriend's door. She leaves in a huff and the FBfBFF and Stefan have a still-heart to still-heart conversation about the Elena/Katherine conundrum. He's in twu wuv and tells the FBfBFF all the ways in which Elena is superior to Katherine. When Caroline (who is again enthralled by Damon during a chance meeting on the town square) throws a party at the grill, Elena dithers because she knows Stefan will be there, and eventually shows up. Damon, who has been "helping" Sheriff Forbes by giving her Vervain, knows that the Sheriff is reexamining the possible vampire suspects, so he attacks a young couple he finds making out behind the Mystic Grill. He kills the boy and hypnotizes the girl, who later describes their attacker to the fuzz -- but since Damon "compelled" her, she thinks the FBfBFF killed her beau. She's-the-Sheriff and her storm troopers march into the Grill and inject the FBfBFF with Vervain, and then drag her out of the bar while she's incapacitated. Because she's so old and strong, the FBfBFF almost gets away, but she's stopped by Damon... and the wooden stake he plunges into her heart. Stefan sees this and vows to kill Damon, but Elena tries to talk him down -- not because she cares what happens to Damon, but because she's afraid what wreaking that sort of vengeance will do to Stefan. At Mossy Manse, Stefan beats Damon silly and then stakes him...in the gut. Since Damon saved his life, Stefan has spared his, but he declares they are now done.
In other news, Damon wants the amber crystal back, so he sets Caroline up to get it from Bonnie, but Bonnie's grandmother told her that it's her talisman and she must never let it go. When Caroline fails to retrieve it, Damon berates her; she gets drunk, and Pudding Pop takes her home -- and crawls into bed with her! Bonnie has a wild dream, which sadly doesn't involve Pudding Pop, but she does wake up somewhere unexpected.
I'll hit all the gory details in the full weecap, on the flip side. In the meantime, come on over to the forum, and for the love of puppies and birthdays, don't make out in alleyways, dears, it's just tacky.
Discuss this episode in our VD forums, then see what vloggers Val and Beth think of ancient vampires dating teenagers in TV is the Answer.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on The Vampire Diaries, Stefan Salvatore, who has been "17" years old since 1864 (don't look at the crow's feet), remained in the shadows for a century or so, until he saw Elena Gilbert, the doppelganger of his sire/lover, Katherine. He "had" to know Elena y'all, so he leapt into the sunshine of her love and despite being a vampire, he didn't burn up or nothin', on account of his magic ring. Everything was aces until Elena figured out Stefan's fangy secret, and actually had the ovaries to break up with him, like a real girl would, if she met an actual vampire. To Stefan's chagrin, Elena wasn't the only one paying attention to the spooky goings on around town. The Founders Council (of Watchers [i.e. F'n CoW]) including Sheriff Forbes and (the now late) Logan "Scum" Fell, caught onto the fact that their town is once again infested with vampires. Don't blame Stefan. He only eats animals. All the hullabaloo is thanks to Stefan's good looking bad-boy brother, Damon, who sired Matt "Pudding Pop" Donovan's druggie sister, Vicki, and then set the new "vampire with issues" loose on the town, where she promptly tried to eat her boyfriends Tyler ('Roid Rage) and Jeremy (Germ), and I don't mean porn. When that didn't work, she tried to eat Jeremy's sister, Elena, and I still don't mean porn. Stefan had to stake Vicki to save Elena's life (no porno). Recently orphaned Germ saw the whole thing and promptly fell apart, so, Elena and Stefan set aside all common sense and had Damon use his vampyric powers of compulsion to make Germ forget the gristly way in which Vicki met her end. No links this weeks, babies. Two of my kids are down with two seemingly different illness, and their illnesses always come with the gift of compulsion too, so I can't tell if I'm sick in the body, or just (still) sick in the head. But this is a brand new series, so you can figure out what happened when from the recaps and recaplets, right? Tch. Thank you. You're not only good looking; you're as smart as you are sweet. So anyhow, that was then. This is...
Now: it's nighttime at Mossy Manse. Stefan wakes from a little snooze in the parlor and picks up the book he let slip to the floor during his impromptu nap. When he rises, something catches his attention. A little noise here. A little flitting figure there. He calls out for Damon, not for help, sillies. He just thinks Damon is having some of his sadistic version of fun at Stefan's expense. The whatever-it-is comes out of wherever-it-was and knocks him flat. It's a vampire, a blonde, female vampire, and she's locked in vamp mode and loaded for bear. Or vamp. You get the picture. As she growls at him, Stefan's expression relaxes from alarmed to confused. "Lexi?" Once she devamps and smiles at him, I can see that she is the adorable Arielle Kibbel, Dean's wife, Lindsay, on Gilmore Girls. For shits and giggles, I totally want to see Supernatural bring her on for a one off, call her character Rory, and hook her up with Sam (and Dean, but I digress). Lexi greets Stefan with a cheeky, dimpled smile and whips him up to his feet. They embrace and Lexi wishes Stefan a happy birthday. And... scene.
Mossy Manse; Daytime: Stefan must have caught Lexi up on all the goings on in Mystic Falls, because she wisely notes that if someone shot at her with wooden bullets, she'd hightail it out of town. After her birthday visit to Stefan, she's headed off to the Big Apple, to take a bite out of Bon Jovi (okay, just a concert, not his neck). "Dead or Alive," is not only foreshadowing for Lexi, it's her and Stefan's song. Apparently they partied with the band, back in the day. Stefan wonders wistfully if Jon remembers them and their crazy weekend. Fanboi. Lexi says they can make him remember. Oh she's delightful. She's a goner, isn't she? Damn. She can't talk Stefan into joining her or going anywhere else. Elena's keeping him there. Lexi holds up the portrait of Katherine and teases that she hopes Elena's better than the last girl Stefan got "sprung over." No, I never heard that either and it makes me think of the Wayne's World "schwing," but let's just go with it, okay? Stefan reminds Lexi she never knew Katherine. Lexi makes it clear that if she had, she would have kicked the bitch's ass. A beat... "Speaking of... where's Damon?" Hee. Love her. I should just put on a black armband now, shouldn't I? Stefan says that Damon's undoubtedly out causing misery somewhere and wants to know if Lexi will be okay at Mossy Manse, because he's got things to do. She covets his magical daylight ring and wants to trade it for her mood ring circa 1975, but Stefan won't trade. Mean. Actually, he tells her she knows it doesn't work that way, and I find myself yearning for more of an explanation. Are the rings owner-specific? Why can't Lexi have one? At any rate, she makes it clear they are making plans for his 162nd birthday, and she'll brook no insolence on that point.
Mystic Falls Sheriff's office: Caroline's mom, Sheriff Forbes (a.k.a. "She's-the-Sheriff") interviews Germ, Matt, Stefan, and Elena about Vicki Donovan's disappearance. Their stories flow seamlessly. Germ told Matt that Vicki took off. Matt thinks Stefan might know more. Stefan explains that he was trying to help Vicki for Elena's sake. Elena confirms that she was worried about the Germ's involvement with Vicki. Sheriff Forbes finds out nothing more than that Vicki was having mood swings and is gone with the wind. Germ's final words: "I'll miss her, but I think it's for the best," echo Elena's words to Damon when she asked him to hypnotize her little brother into forgetting Vicki's tragic end.
Townhall; Exterior: Stefan waits for the rest of the crew to exit. Matt comes out first; ignores Stefan's pleading look, and walks on by. I'd be mad at him for being such a pill if I didn't know the truth about Vicki, so his practically perfect status lives on. Poor Pudding Pop. Stefan calls after him that he was only trying to help Vicki. Matt never turns around. , the long-absent Aunt Jenna exits with Elena and Germ in tow. Elena stops to talk to Stefan for a moment. Now, last week, we ended the episode with Elena telling Stefan: "With everything that's happened, I can't lose the way I feel about you." This week, she's all: "I can't do this, Stefan." Every time she looks at Germ or Matt, she feels guilty that Vicki is dead and that she can't tell them. It's too much for her, so much so that she won't even go somewhere to talk with Stefan. It's funny how that worm turned, yeah? She tells him he has to stay away from her and walks off, leaving him alone.
Mossy Manse: Lexi moans in her sleep and wakes to find Damon lying to her. Where are his hands? Ahem. When he deems her appearance an "unexpected surprise," Lexi snorts at him. "Unexpected surprise? I think the wrong brother went back to high school." Hee. When she won't flirt with Damon or otherwise engage him, he wants to know why she's so mean to him. Lexi raises her eyebrows. "Um, have you met you? You're not a nice person." Damon pleads, "vampire," but Lexi says he only has the bad aspects. Mythology Moment: This confirms what Stefan was teaching Vicki, i.e. vampires in the The Vampire Diaries universe can choose their own paths and aren't doomed to be evil, soulless things. When Damon snarks that Lexi should teach him to be good, she throttles him as she gives him, and us another Mythology Moment: in this 'verse, older vampires are stronger. As she's way older than he, she warns him not to screw up her visit with Stefan. Contrite or at least truly and actually afraid for the first time in this series -- Damon apologizes. And I know it's easy to say this after the fact, but this is when I figured out that Damon would be killing off Lexi, so the episode, while not bad, climaxed way to soon for me (no porno).
Second-Sight Shack: Grams asks Bonnie why she's packing up to leave. It seems Daddy doesn't like his darling daughter spending too much time with her dotty grandmother. Grams smile is wry. "Your father's problem is he lacks imagination. He thinks I'll fill your head with all my witchy ju-ju. Bonnie points out that he's right. Grams says, "He's always right. That's his other problem." Her laughter dies when she notices that Bonnie is wrapping up Damon/Caroline/Emily Bennett's magical crystal amulet. Bonnie must put it back on, right now. She then gives us a Mythology Moment: "A witch's talisman is a powerful tool. Don't give that back to anybody." For her part, Bonnie just wishes it was prettier. Grams nods and shrugs as we get a shot of Bonnie dropping holding out her shirt and letting the gem drop down into her budge.
Gilbert Gables: Jenna flops down on the couch to Elena. They're wallowing about being young, gorgeous and single, or something. I'd feel worse for Jenna, but she doesn't know that not only was Scum using her, he's long since dead. She just thinks she got a brush-off email and that's that. Jeremy interrupts their pout and asks them to keep it down. Elena and Jenna can't believe their eyes or ears. The Crown Prince of Pout is in deep in study mode! Elena deadpans: "What do you think -- alien?" Jenna scowls. "Some sort of replicant." Germ, who looks clean, sober and quite, fakes a smile. "He can hear you," then returns to his homework. Whatever he said/did to Jeremy, I'm thinking Damon could make a fortune renting himself out to parents. Heck, they might even give him blood, peacefully and willingly.
Sheriff's Office: Damon brings She's-the-Sheriff some Vervain and pumps her for information about the size of the F'n CoW, ever so gently (founding families and a few city officials). She wonders if they've been vamp hunting in all the wrong places -- what if the newest vamps to visit Mystic Falls can go out in daylight. Damon acts like that's crazy talk, but assures her he'll do everything he can to help. He's such a giver. Still, I can't help but think he'd get further if he compelled Caroline to be nicer to her mom. Commercial.
Gilbert Gables: Bonnie lets herself into Elena's room, where the latter is still in a funk, so she's just lying in bed. Bonnie tries to tempt her to get up, but when Elena won't move, she crawls under the covers with her (no porno). Elena doesn't want to talk about things, but Bonnie insists on at least a one liner, so she can pretend to help. Elena says she and Stefan broke up. Bonnie apologizes for sucking and being MIA -- then explains her absence by giving Elena a demonstration of her newly honed powers. She slices open a feather pillow, dumps the contents on Elena's bed, makes sure there's no fan going or windows open, and then proceeds to float a lily white feather by only encouraging it with hand motions. She then floats a dozen feathers, in the same way. Finally, she fills the air above Elena's bed with feathers, using no gestures at all. It's a beautiful scene. The girls look so young. So innocent. Bonnie's power looks so gentle. Elena kneels upright on the bed and covers her delighted smile with her hands, while Bonnie tells her that everything her Grams has been telling her about her witchy lineage is true. "I'm a witch." Looking happier than she has in episodes, Elena grins and nods as she watches the feathers float around her. "I believe you." The girls laugh and we cut to...
Mystic Falls; Downtown: Caroline, wearing her hair in two ponytails, struts down the street, and as her smile turns to a grimace, we know Damon must be there, even before he's on screen. When he won't let her pass, she stops in front of him. "Look, Dungeon Boy, I'm done being your little slave girl. You seriously hurt me, and I will be damned if you think..." Damon turns on the thrall and suddenly she's pathetically compliant little Caroline from weeks ago, who lives and dies for Dungeon Boy. Hats off to Candice Accola for the transition. He compels her to throw a party at the Grill that night, and invite everyone, including Stefan and his BFF (who is a female, be-fanged BFF, so does that make her his FBfBFF?) so he can solve the town's "little vampire problem." He orders Caroline to get his crystal back from Bonnie, too.
Mossy Manse: Lexi assures Stefan that "this Elena girl" will come around eventually. She asks if they've had sex yet. Stefan smiles. "Nooooo." Lexi reminds him that vampire sex always works on the humans. And who am I to say, but there are times when super-human speed and inhuman force aren't exactly two tickets to paradise. I'm just sayin'... Stefan says he's setting aside all the vamp tricks like sex and compulsion. He wants Elena to come to him on her own terms. Confusing boredom for hunger, Lexi pops a straw into an I.V. bag of blood, like it was a juice bag. I'll never look at my kids drinking Capri Sun in the same way, again. I'd link to Capri Sun for you, but I want to see if those new Bing links do it. I always crack up when Bing links to the word vampire in one of these weecaps. Cash back on everything, Bing? Everything? Weecap. Right. Sorry. Lexi explains that she used to date a phlebotomist and he sets her up with bags of blood, but that doesn't stop Stefan from standing up and backing away. He says he's not judging her, which is debatable, although it's clear from his (general) ease in her company that he's terribly fond of her. The big point in of this scene is that he doesn't trust himself enough to try a little bagged blood. He's afraid it will lead him back to more deadly pursuits. Lexi tried the animal blood diet for three weeks once, but she couldn't hack it. She admires his resolve. So Lexi's like the kid that drank abusively in college, but wasn't actually addicted to hooch, grew up, and was able to dabble without problem, whereas Stefan lives as an addict-in-recovery.
Too bad there's no 12 Step plan for avoiding his brother, because just as Lexi asks what they're doing that night, Damon wanders in and informs them of Caroline's party at the Grill. Stefan has no interest in attending but Damon insists that it's just a party, not a birthday party for Stefan, and with the hunt on and all, it's important for the Brothers Salvatore to be seen out and about, interacting with the townsfolk. "We need to blend." Just because he's evil doesn't mean he's wrong. And with the same disclaimer as before, this is when I figured out when Damon would be killing off Lexi. Anyhow, he teases her about her cold, bagged blood, then makes himself scarce.
Gilbert Gables: Bonnie worries that Elena will now think she's a freak. Elena doesn't, she just doesn't understand why Bonnie told her, when her Grams insisted she keep it a secret. Bonnie says, "You're my best friend. I can't keep secrets from you." Elena dies of shame.
Mossy Manse: Lexi, wearing only a towel, comes out of the bath and tells Stefan she's almost ready. Now, I'm not saying boys and girls can't be platonic friends. I'm just saying that 100 years is an awfully long time without some hanky panky happening. Stefan can't believe Lexi wants to go to the party, and can't help but think that Damon is up to something. He is, Stefan. He totally is. Don't take Lexi to that party. I like her! They don't listen and Lexi points out that since they'll be in the public eye, Damon will have no choice but to behave. She says that since she only gets one day a year with him when he's not broody and living in his own head, she won't take no for an answer. She wants to go celebrate the birthday of the guy who jumped naked in the Trevi Fountain. Excuse me. I have to go lie down for a moment. There's something else about getting drunk on the Statue of Liberty's torch, and then she smacks his ass and sends him on his way. I feel faint.
Exterior; Mossy Manse: Elena -- who doesn't want to lose her feeling for Stefan, but wants him to stay away from her -- drives up to his house. She's exercising her prerogative a little too often, don't you think? When she rings the bell, she hears a woman's voice telling her to come in. I don't know if Lexi is more shocked to see Katherine's twin (although she doesn't spill the beans), or if Elena's more shocked to see a woman in a towel wandering around Mossy Manse, but once Elena hears Stefan's in the shower, she skedaddles out of there. We cut to Stefan's bedroom, where he is shirtless. Lexi busts in and hollers at him, but not for putting on a shirt -- more's the pity. She's confronting him about Elena's ridiculous resemblance to Katherine. We cut to commercial, and when we're back, they're both dressed. Lexi tells him: "You have some serious, emotional damage." Stefan's all... No, it's not like that. Okay, it was totally like that, but then I got to see what a pure, shining, perfect, lovely, kind friend to humans, vamps, animals and snowflakes she was, and now it's not like that at all. Swear. Lexi's got this one. "Oh, so Elena's not a raging bitch, then?" Heh. But no. She is a pure, shining, perfect, lovely, kind, beautiful blah blah blah. Stefan is adamant that this is real. "When I'm around her, I completely forget what I am." Lexi's expression softens. "Oh my God, you're in love with her." Stefan says, "Yeah, I am."
The Grill: Caroline surveys her latest social scene with pride, although how hard is it to organize a party at the local hangout, when everyone would be hanging out there, anyhow. Damon comes over to pee on her parade. When she asks him if he's having a good time, he asks if she has his crystal. Since she doesn't, he says, "Then I'm not having a good time." When Lexi walks in alone, he makes a beeline for her and asks where his brother is. Lexi says, "He said he'd meet me here," and walks past Damon before he can finish offering to buy her a drink. LOVE HER.
Gilbert Gables: Stefan drops by to clarify that Lexi is just his oldest (350 years, to be exact) friend, and there's been nothing romantic, ever. Riiiiiight. When Elena mentions how Lexi stared at her, Stefan easily lies that that was probably because he's talked a lot about her. He wants to know why Elena dropped by his house in the first place. She decides it was a mistake and doesn't want to get into it. Then she whines about how she needs someone to talk to about everything (about him) but she can't even tell her best friend. The only person she can talk to (about him) is him (and that never works). He assures her that he'll always be there for her and that she can come to him about anything. After she thanks him for stopping by, he starts to leave, and then turns back to ask her if she'd like a ride to the Grill. She laughs at the thought of him attending Caroline's party, but he explains that Lexi is dragging him -- and that it's his birthday. Elena warms up a little more at this but ultimately decides to stay in. Her refusal wipes Stefan's thousand-watt smile off his face even quicker than Damon ever could, but he doesn't push things. He just leaves, politely.
The Grill: The party is really cranking. Caroline hunts Bonnie down and tells her she needs her crystal back. Bonnie's not so willing to return it now, so Caroline tells her the most horrible lie any character has ever told another character on a WB/CW show. I mean really, disgusting, awful. If anyone said this to Caroline, she'd take to her tub, slit open her veins and go like an old Roman. I... I hesitate to repeat it, here, but what choice do I have. "It makes you look fat." Bonnie knows she's all that and a bag of non-fat baked chips, so Caroline's manipulation amounts to squat. What's more, she knows Caroline doesn't want it back for herself -- but for Damon, so she refuses to hand it over. Caroline reaches for it, and gets zapped. "Ouch. Are you wearing polyester?" Awesome. Bonnie is appalled that Caroline was going to rip the amulet off her neck, and I get that -- I do, but putting that aside, Caroline absolutely zero understanding of the amulet's significance to Bonnie, so I can understand her anger (if not her actions), too.
Stefan enters and runs into Matt. He stops him and begs for a moment to plead his case. He was just trying to help Vicki. He's been through something similar. He's sorry. Of course, that's not one-tenth of the story, but it's all poor Matt is going to get. Matt says, "Turns out Vicki is just like her mother. I can't count on either of them." Curious wording there: her mother. Poor Pudding Pop. He thanks Stefan for trying, and walks off. And you know, I really like Stefan, but I hope he's nearly dying of guilt right now. If he had his way, Matt would be worrying about Vicki and wondering where she is for the rest of his life. It's not right. I get it, but it's bad, bad, very bad.
Caroline continues to patrol the party until she's stopped by Damon, who's still demanding his crystal. Don't get between this boy and his jewelry. Remember how he was to Stefan about his ring? Anyhow, Caroline tells him Bonnie won't give it back and mentions that when she tried to rip it off Bonnie's neck, it shocked her. Damon scowls. "Damn it, why does it do that?" He needs it and he wants it and it's all about him, so he's quite nasty to her. Caroline reminds him how good she is to him, and that she'd do anything for him, but that "it's just a stupid necklace." Damon tells her that she's stupid. And shallow. And useless. He might as well have drained her blood.
Meanwhile, Lexi encourages Stefan to try moving his feet while dancing. Stefan laughs and cracks a joke. Amazing, I know. While they're occupied, Damon slips outside and takes a deep breath he shouldn't need. His vampyric hearing picks up on the sounds of a young couple who have never seen a horror film in their lives, and so are going to make out in a dark alleyway behind the restaurant. Buffy says, "What's the big? I had sex in an alley, once." Hush girl, I'd blocked that out. The couple unlocks lips long enough for the girl to ask the boy if he heard something, which makes me yearn for Darla. The boy can't hear anything other than the whoosh of all of his blood headed south of the equator, so he moves back in, and in a spectacular bit of camera work, it looks for a second like the boy has vamped out, and is taking a bite of the girl, but really, it's Damon sinking his teeth into the boy. Once the boy drops dead, Damon moves in for the girl, but rather than drain her dry, he enthralls her. Commercial.
The Grill: Stefan and Lexi are shooting pool and having a blast when Elena, who was totally going to stay in (as she said when Stefan dropped by to see why dropped by his house, after asking him to stay away from her, after telling him she never wanted to forget how much she feels for him baby -- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrr) arrives at the Grill. She watches them jealously, from a distance. Damon comes back in and smiles a particularly evil smile when he sees them, and it only gets worse once he spots Elena. He walks to her side. "Stefan smiles. Alert the media." Can't, Damon. You and Vicki ate the media. You should drop by Faux News, sometime. Elena and Damon bicker for a moment about her self-righteousness and his psychopathy. But their hearts aren't in it. She starts to walk away, but then decides to take the opportunity to ask what exactly he did to Jeremy (who you'll remember was clean, sober, and studious). At first, Damon reiterates Elena's orders, but when she persists he says that Elena wanted him to take away Jeremy's suffering. Is it just me, or does that sound like step one in creating a sociopath? Elena seems to be with me. She looks uncomfortable as she takes in Damon's words, and well she should. Who has a monster mindwipe their little brother -- particularly without supervising said mindwipe?
Across the room, Bonnie tries to talk to Caroline, but she's blaming Bonnie for Damon calling her stupid, shallow, useless and whatever other sweet nothings he hissed at her earlier. Bonnie says, "That's not true. Don't let him treat you like that." Caroline says, "Yeah, as opposed to how my best friend treats me." Bonnie refrains from saying, "I'm not your BFF. I'm Elena's."
Car 134, with the word "SHERIFF" emblazoned across the door drives up to the Grill. The deputy hears victim-girl cry, "Help me." He stands at the top of a stairwell, and shines his light down, then descends to the alleyway, where victim-boy lies in a pool of his own blood.
Meanwhile, in the bar, when Lexi can't order Tequila without an ID, she compels the bartender into giving it to her, on the house. And she ups her order from two shots to three when she sees Elena. Elena's too busy trying to look at Stefan without being caught to see Lexi approach her, so she's surprised to be greeted by the words: "The famous Elena." She's quick on her feet though, because she hails Lexi as, "Towel Girl." Just to make sure I'll really miss her after she meets her doom, Lexi says, "I've been called worse," and she does so with a good-natured smile. She offers Elena a shot, which she accepts, but never does drink. Lexi ends up downing all three, and gives a Mythology Moment: booze helps vamps control their bloodlust, as she and Elena get to know -- and like each other. She confides in Elena about her own true love -- a human -- and how hard it was for him to come to terms with her vampirism, but it was totally worth it. She also talks up Stefan like a good best friend should. He, of course, hears every word, and later thanks Lexi for being the bestest FBfBFF, ever. Her reply? "I was feeling epic. Whatever." Okay, she can die, now. Stefan stares across the room and locks eyes with Elena. Before either one looks away, we cut to...
Alleyway: She's-the-Sheriff and her deputy survey the scene. He points out the frightened girl, curled up in a ball, sobbing. Sheriff Forbes asks the girl if she saw what did this. The girl nods. The Sheriff smiles. "Tell me everything you saw." Commercial.
The Grill; Interior: Elena approaches Stefan and explains that she couldn't miss his 100th-and-whatever birthday. They laugh at that, and he nods shyly. We cut away.
Pudding Pop sits in a booth talking to a faceless friend who isn't Tyler. Caroline stumbles over. She's bombed off her ass, so Matt sends Faceless for some coffee. Once he's gone, she tearfully asks Matt if she's shallow. God bless him, he tries not to lie, yet takes her seriously. He kindly says depth isn't really her thing, which leaves her whining about wanting to be deep as the abyss, but really being shallow as a kiddie pool. Matt then lies that she's not a kiddie pool. Until she starts acting a bit nicer toward her own mother, I'm not changing my mind on that. She asks him to take her home, and when she stumbles, he picks her up in his arms (which are covered by far too many layers). When they exit the Grill, Matt has an oh-shit moment, when he sees Caroline's mother -- the sheriff -- and her deputies waiting right outside. He can't avoid them so he strides purposefully toward his fate. Sheriff Forbes asks Caroline if she's drunk and if they served her in the Grill. Caroline's not too drunk to be flippant to her mother, so to cut off the impending argument (I wonder how many times he had to do that between his own mother and Vicki), Matt tells the Sheriff he hasn't been drinking and offers to take Caroline home. The sheriff thanks him and watches as they depart. She then turns to her deputies and tells them not to let anyone else leave the Grill.
Inside Lexi brings Damon a shot as a bribe and demands to know why he's in Mystic Falls. When Damon can't distract her with small talk, he says, "Okay, I have a diabolical master plan," but he can't tell her what it is, because who does that -- except Batman villains? Just then, the Sheriff and her staff bring girl-victim into the Grill and ask her to look around and identify her attacker. She points right at Lexi and Damon. Damon happens to look over his shoulder at just that moment, but he's not worried, because just like us, we all know who girl-victim is identifying. A couple of cops escort the witness back outside, while She's-the-Sheriff and the rest storm toward the bar, catching everyone's attention. The Sheriff plunges a hypodermic needle into Lexi. Damon shouts, "What are you doing?" The Sheriff thanks him for the Vervain and excuses herself, and the deputies hold up the now teetering Lexi and drag her outside. Stefan and Elena try to follow, but the cops stationed at the door won't let them exit through the front.
Outside, Lexi regains some strength and throws off the cops holding her. The sheriff turns just as she's vamping out, and starts shooting. They must not be wooden bullets, because Lexi comes right at her. Out of nowhere, Damon swoops in and stakes her in the chest. Lexi looks at him. "Why?" Damon whispers, "It's part of the plan," as Sheriff Forbes looks on, wide-eyed. Lexi gets even vein-ier, starts to decompose, and falls to the ground. Stefan and Elena watch from their hiding place behind an exterior corner of the building. Damon turns to the sheriff and asks if she's okay. She lowers her weapon, thanks him and says, "Get it into the car -- quickly." Commercial. Tsk. Bye, Lexi. I really liked you. I hope we get you in some flashback episodes at some point in the future. You were fun, and not dippy, strong, but not evil. Kind of (Logan forgive me) epic.
The Grill; Interior: The Sheriff arrests the bartender for being too stupid to live and serving her underage daughter. She then seeks out Damon and comments on how handy he is with a stake. Damon chalks it up to reflex and adrenaline. Then he does what seems to be the dumbest thing, ever. He tells her she caught a lucky break with that witness. "Without her, you wouldn't have been able to ID the vampire." Now, okay, maybe they talked off screen. And well, he did see the witness point to Lexi. But I'm not sure Forbes saw him see and... well, that just seems like drawing unnecessary attention to himself, don't you think? I'm sticking a pin in this moment, just in case it comes back to haunt Damon, or anyone else, for that matter. At any rate, the sheriff thanks Damon again and leaves him to smile because he's just so pleased with himself.
Caroline's room: Matt lays her on her bed, takes her boots off and asks if she's okay. She says she isn't but she is. She asks if he ever feels like there isn't a person in the world that loves him. I'm sure he does, but that's only because he doesn't know about the powerful Matt fandom that's already sprung up in the greater Vampire Diaries fandom. I mean, he's Pudding Pop. Of course we love him. And Caroline, you're not as bad as you think you are, either. At any rate, there's some heavy talk, but it's tiresome to maintain that stuff with a drunken kiddie pool, so Matt makes to leave. Caroline's not a think as I drunk she is though, because when he starts to go, she asks him to stay. She doesn't want to be alone. I think he slips off his shoes, but not his jacket, and then crawls under the covers with her. Good Lord, boy. Her mother has a service revolver. Stay on top of the blankets for your own sake. He doesn't listen. She lays her head on his chest while he stares at the ceiling and wishes she were Elena.
Grill; Exterior: Stefan is ready to take off in a fury. When Elena holds him back, he turns to her with a sob in his voice. "He killed Zach. He killed Tanner. He turned Vicki. I have to kill him." Sounds like a plan. I mean, I'll miss the pretty, but Damon's chest has been aching for a stake since episode 1. Buffy would not put up with this, I tell you what. Buffy shrugs. "I like my evil like I like my men. Evil. You know, strait up, black hat, tied to the train tracks, soon my electro-ray will destroy Metropolis bad." Okay, so I was wrong. Anyhow, Stefan wants to kill Damon. Elena tries to stop him. Stefan explains why Damon needs killing and wonders why she wants to save him. Elena isn't worried about Damon. She's worried about what killing Damon will do to Stefan. For starters, I think it would make him a less complicated boyfriend, but who knows. Besides, I want to keep looking the Somerhalder-shaped pretty, so I'll shut my gob. Stefan can't take it any more. Elena begs him to just stay and talk to her. He turns to face her. "No. You were right to stay away from me." When he walks away, Elena doesn't know what to do, so she fondles her shiny, shiny hair.
Mossy Manse: Damon pours himself a celebratory drink, but senses someone watching him from behind. Besides us. It's Stefan. He attacks Damon with more strength than ought to be possible, since they've been telling us for weeks that an animal-only diet leaves a vamp weaker than their huma-tarian counterparts. So, either he's dipped into Lexi's stash, or he's just that pissed. I'm betting on the latter for now, because Stefan has been set up to be just that noble. Damon only gets the best of Stefan once -- he manages to fling him off him and across the room, but it doesn't take long for Stefan to subdue his evil brother. Damon claims he did "this" for Stefan, to get the vampire hunters off their trail, but Stefan says Damon never does anything for anyone other than himself. And then? He stakes him! Right in the... belly. Poo. Okay, not poo, because I want to keep Damon, but I want Stefan to cut a little looser, you know? Damon groans. "You missed," but Stefan's all, I meant to do that. And it seems he did. Since Damon saved his life, Stefan has spared Damon's. "We're even." He plunges the stake in a little deeper. "And now we're done." Debilitated by the wood, Damon falls to the floor and Stefan leaves him alone to struggle as he removes the stake. With a squicky sound, he finally gets it out and we cut to...
Bonnie's Bed: She's restless and as we enter her dreams, we learn why. Sadly, it has nothing to do with dreaming about Pudding Pop. And although she's wearing jammies in her bed, in her dream, she's dressed in jeans as she runs through the forest like she's running for her life. The camera cuts from shots from inside her dream, to shots of her sleeping in her comfy, cozy bed. Her pendant glows, seemingly on its own. Someone watches from the shadows as Dream-Bonnie slips and falls (I HATE THAT). Bonnie rights herself and tries to run from the shadow lurker, but the shadow lurker pulls a Stealth Salvatore on her. But it's not a Salvatore, at all; it's Kendra! Oops, wrong show. It is Bianca Lawson, though, and she seems to be the original owner of Bonnie's amulet -- Emily Bennett. She tells Bonnie, "It's coming." Bonnie snaps awake safe and sound in her jammies and her nice comfy... graveyard. She's in her jammies, not her jeans, and it's daylight, but she's lying on the ground in front of a crypt. She stands, wraps her robe tightly around her, and looks around in confusion as the camera zooms out an into the title card!
This Thursday, tune in for "History Repeating." Bonnie gets to know her ancestor in a more up close and personal way, while Caroline continues to bug her to get the amulet back, and Damon tells Stefan why he really came back to Mystic Falls. In the meantime, join us in the forum, to chew over the episode.
Cindy's littlest one is down with what's probably H1N1. Keep her from washing her hands obsessively by emailing her at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com or following her on Twitter
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