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Holy crow! Stefan's keeping Damon hopped up on Vervain and locked down in the dungeon, in a re-education camp, if you will. He's also taken his magical ring. Why didn't he stake him, you ask? I'm with you, and Stefan will be by the end of the episode. But at the top of the episode, Stefan has the upper hand, and so he tells Damon and us what will happen if Damon doesn't feed for a week. His skin will desiccate; he'll mummify; and eventually, he'll become a living corpse -- unable to hurt anyone, ever. Stefan plans on moving him to the family crypt. He says they'll "reevaluate" the situation in 50 years. We'll discuss this mythology moment in the weecap.
Meanwhile, Elena's still pissed at Stefan for... um... having a private life. Stefan makes plans to meet her at the Grill and give her some answers, but when he's an hour late, Elena confides her concerns in my Pudding Pop, Matt, who is finally back after a horrendously long absence of one whole week. Matt, being walking perfection, shoots straight with Elena, and doesn't try to cock-block Stefan. But when Stefan finally shows up (he's late because he was saving Zach from Damon – which I'll cover in the full weecap), an older patron recognizes him, and says all sorts of bizarre things to and about him, including how he hasn't aged a day. When Stefan won't come immediately clean with Elena, she storms off. Since Jeremy has Vicki in his bed and a spring in his step, he does what he can to help the two love birds make up. He tricks his pouting sister into going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and Stefan is there, making her chicken parmesan, which totally works for me. He gives her some sanitized backstory about his triangle with Katherine and Damon and then a bunch of fluff that satisfies her curiosity, for now. But when she cuts her finger, Stefan vamps. Elena catches sight of this -- but only as reflected in the kitchen window, and Stefan gets himself under control before she sees his true face.
The day, the cheerleaders hold a car wash to raise funds for.. .er... the right to wear the bikinis on school property. When Caroline goes inside the school to get more towels, Damon sends his crow, and/or his astral projection to lure her to Mossy Manse and set him free. Zach stops her in the nick of time and orders her to run, which she does, but Damon breaks out of the dungeon and breaks Zach's neck! I saw that coming when Zach earlier told Damon he'd been spiking his own coffee with Vervain for years, but it was still effective. Damon takes off after her, but without his magic ring, the sun singes his lovely face and keeps him a prisoner in Mossy Manse. Elena also skips out in the middle of the car wash after she sees the old man from the Grill (the one who recognized Stefan), and he tells her about an "animal attack" from 1953 that killed a Joseph Salvatore – and that Stefan and Damon were around for it all. Since Logan "Scum" Fell is sniffing around Aunt Jenna at the car wash, Elena gets him to let her see his TV station's news archives. She wants to research this "animal attack" from 1953. When she finds footage that features Stefan at a distance, she launches into a DIARY-ahhh for the ages, which amounts to how she's totally skeptical, and yet now totally believes in vampires.
Meanwhile, Damon gets out at night and happens upon Vicki and her druggie friends, partying in the cemetery. Jeremy left her there when he realized she stole his sister's medication to share with the rabble. Damon's in the mood for leftovers, and Vicki's one of his favorite flavors. Although it's not crystal-clear, it certainly appears he drains her dry. Stefan returns home to find a mangled crow and a dead Zach. He grabs a stake and heads out to do to Damon that which he should have done in the first place, only to meet Elena at the door. She has more questions, because clearly, this is all about her.
Also, Bonnie has some more psychic friends moments in which she accidentally vents her ire on Mean Girl Tiki. Bonnie is freaked by the intensity of her powers and runs home, where's she's greeted by a desiccated corpse, well on its way to mummification. No, wait. That's just Jasmine Guy. What the hell did Dwayne Wayne do to her, man? She's way too young to play Grams and yet...
Also, Logan weasels his way into Gilbert Gables and steals the pocket watch. And we've got to figure out if Vicki's dead . I know I'm one of the few, but I hope not. I really like her. But there's so much more to talk about, too, like a few juicy mythology moments, and my sweet Pudding Pop in a tank top. I'll hit that (ahem), and more in the weecap. So come on back now, y'hear? In the meantime, take your OMGWTF! They killed Zach even though I was already 'shipping him with Jenna -- BASTARDS! to the forums, and try to keep your T-shirts dry, you hussies.
Discuss this episode in our VD forums, then see what vloggers Val and Beth think of ancient vampires dating teenagers in TV is the Answer.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on The Vampire Diaries: For over a century, Stefan Salvatore has hidden in the shadows, but now takes a flying leap off the roof of Mossy Manse and into sunshine of Elena Gilbert's love. Stefan and Elena kiss. The Vampire Diaries' writers take the piss out of Stephanie Meyer, as Caroline asks Damon why he doesn't sparkle. The F'n CoW wants Jeremy's pocket watch, and Logan "Scum" Fell is just the weasel to get it for them. , Damon steals back his "very important crystal" from the F'n CoW's Heritage Project. Elena wants to know Stefan's secrets, so when he implores her to trust him, she tells him, "Trust is earned." Elena finds Damon's bite marks all over Caroline. The show isn't airing the "previouslies" in order, so your recapper stops linking to scenes. Zach shows Stefan his Vervain stash. Damon sinks his teeth into Caroline who is a walking Vervain Vamp Mickey. Damon collapses. Caroline and Stefan toast as we hear Stefan tell Damon he spiked Caroline's drink. She's-the-Sheriff/Caroline's mom strongly implies vampires are real. Oz says, "That explains a lot." Scum says, "They've come back." I say...
NOW: The camera pans over the roof of Mossy Manse, which seems to get bigger each week. I'll take that as a metaphor for my interest in this show. Inside, Stefan visits Damon who has been locked in the dungeon for three days. When he inquires after his ring, Stefan says Damon won't need it anymore. Damon asks him what he's doing to him, which sets Stefan up for this MYTHOLOGY MOMENT: "During the dark ages, when a vampire's actions threatened to expose, or bring harm upon, the entire race -- he would face judgment. They sought to reeducate them, rather than to punish them." Suckers. Suckers' suckers, even. If Damon continues to go without blood he'll give us another MYTHOLOGY MOMENT: he'll grow weaker. Eventually he won't be able to move or speak. In a week his skin will desiccate; he'll mummify; and eventually, he'll become a living corpse -- unable to hurt anyone, ever. Stefan says he plans on moving Damon to the family crypt. And as chilly as a November breeze, he adds that they'll "reevaluate" the situation. In 50 years! Brrrrrrr.
Gilbert Gables: Elena wakes and drags her diary off the nightstand to complain about being young and in love, but has seconds thoughts and slaps it back down on table, and heads to the bathroom, where she finds VICKI, brushing her teeth (gah, with whose toothbrush?). Vicki is wearing Jeremy's shirt and not much else. The girls have an awkward moment, after which Vicki informs Germ that they might be in trouble. He says that since he's a drug using delinquent, having a girl in bed barely registers. Oh, I think not, young man. Wait 'til your Aunt Jenna finds out!
Oh, right, Aunt Jenna is Aunt Jenna -- world's most crap guardian, who mostly giggles when Elena informs her of the monkey business going on upstairs. In fact, Jenna's main complaint is that Germ could have been "craftier" about sneaking a girl in. How crafty should he be when he sneaks in an addicted newborn, in about nine months time? Ahhh, forget it. Jenna's got other things on her mind. She's going out with Logan "Scum" Fell. Meanwhile, Elena hasn't heard from Stefan since he left her a vague message 3 days prior. She's not going to call him, either. She's not okay with it, but she's not going to cry about it, either. Her world is not going to stop spinning because of some guy. She says.
Mossy Manse: Zach's a little uneasy about Stefan going back to school and leaving him with the starving, man eating beast who's locked in their basement, but Stefan reassures him that the Vervain and lack of blood has hobbled our favorite bad boy. Besides, Stefan came back to town to live a normal life. Elena is part of that -- because it's so normal to date the doppelganger of your lover from a century and a half ago. He just hopes she's still speaking to him. Good luck to you, dude. She's not even talking to her diary.
Caroline's bedroom: She tells Bonnie what bits and pieces she remembers of the Founders Day Party, which amounts to Damon either kissing or biting her neck. There are holes in her memory, so she doesn't have a lot of details to give, which is just fine as Bonnie is paying more attention to the unlit candle in her hand than to her abused friend. The thrall is still working on Caroline, because she is uncomfortably adamant that she doesn't want to talk about anything having to do with Damon. Bonnie finds the amber crystal pendant Damon snuck out of the Mayoral Mansion, last week. Caroline says "Damon gave it to me or was going to give it to me." It's hers, now. Bonnie says it's ugly, so Caroline tells her to get her grubby hands off it and hangs it on the coat rack in her room.
Mystic Falls High School: Caroline is planning a sexy carwash as a fundraiser. She's telling the other girls she wants it to be "in your face sexy." Bonnie and Elena are looking on and rolling their eyes at her, when Stefan appears. Bonnie beats a hasty retreat to give the broken hearted puppies some room to cry at one another. Stefan apologizes for not calling, saying that he was dealing with Damon. Elena has questions, of course, so Stefan asks if they can talk at The Grill - around 4 PM. You know, because the town hangout is so much more private than the high school lockers. Caroline approaches and asks Stefan where Damon is. Stefan tells her, "He's gone, Caroline. [...] He's not coming back. I'm sorry." Elena suppresses a smile at this, and once he's gone, she reminds Caroline that it's a good thing Damon is gone. Caroline lies that she knows that.
The Grill: Matt's playing pool. When Elena asks, he says he hasn't seen Stefan, but he invites her to kill some time by playing pool with him. My word he's adorable. Welcome back and don't ever go away ever again, ever. You hear?
Mossy Manse: Zach took his stupid pills today, so he decides to go down cellar and check on Damon. The first words out of his mouth are that he's been spiking his own coffee with Vervain for 16 years, so his blood will do Damon no good. When Damon tries to lay the family guilt down on him, Zach won't play, and snipes that he's avoided having a living, breathing family, because of Damon. Damon complains that Zach is like his grandfather, who also didn't care for Damon's visits. Zach thinks that when a guest actually owns the house, and rubs that in, as well as they fact that he's allowing the host to live, it feels less visit-y. Zach just came to say goodbye. As he turns his back on the dungeon door, Damon reaches through the bars on the window, chokes Zach and demands that he unlock the door. Stefan shows up and saves the day -- by, I think, crunching some of the bones in Damon's hand. I didn't rewind the scene, because I didn't want to lose my lunch. Stefan helps Zach to his feet then shouts a warning at his brother. "Keep it up, Damon. The more energy you expend, the faster you'll go." As that's my philosophy, I'm going to take a little nap, now.
The Grill: Elena tattles to Matt that Vicki spent the night with Germ. They agree it's weird that their siblings are hooking up. When Matt tries to find out what's going on with Elena, she pointedly announces she is not talking boy problems with him. Matt makes light of this by pointing out they were best friends for years. Elena reconsiders and asks Matt what he thinks of Stefan. She whines about how secretive he's been, and wonders what they actually know about him. Matt continues to be perfect, saying that Stefan is good at football, a bit of a loner, and may be a nice guy. "I think you should talk to him." Stefan walks in at that moment and overhears. "Talk to who?" When Elena starts in on Stefan, who is an hour late, Matt leaves them to bicker in peace. Before anyone can say anything of import, and older man comes up to Stefan and says, "I know you. My God. [...] How can it be?" Stefan tries to play it cool and suggests the old guy has the wrong person. The old guy won't drop the subject. "You haven't aged a day." Stefan says, "Excuse me," and drags Elena away to talk. He asks if he can walk her home. She wants her private conversation in the middle of everything, including intrusive strangers, or she doesn't want it at all. She leaves Stefan hanging as we go to commercial.
Gilbert Gables: Elena tells her diary that although she wants everything to be all right, her every instinct is telling her to be careful. "What you don't know can hurt you."
The Grill: She's-the-Sheriff and Scum have an ad-hoc meeting of the F'n CoW. She says they've gone over the entire west side of the lake. "All the caverns by the falls were clean. No sign of habitat." Scum figures they're staying in town, but She's-the-Sheriff says they canvassed all the abandoned buildings and warehouses. They've got nothing. They must not know about the magical rings, because Scum mentions that someone who only comes out at night should become obvious at some point. The Sheriff asks Scum about the watch. When he says he's working on it, she informs him that she knew the Gilberts, and that the watched is passed down from first-born male to first-born male, so he should focus his search on Jeremy. On cue, Aunt Jenna walks in making his plan that much easier. She tells him he has an hour and that he'd better make it count. He smiles and we cut to...
Gilbert Gables: Germ comes to Elena's room and asks if she's okay. When she asks if Vicki is in his room, he grins and blushes and says maybe, but pulls her back to his question. When she admits she's miserable, he strongly suggests she go get something to eat. As Elena makes her way downstairs she hears clanking coming from the kitchen. Did Scum screw up his date that soon? No way. He's too smooth. Like grease. It's Stefan. He is there, making her Chicken Parmesan, because Jeremy told him it was her favorite. He blathers about his Italian roots, which gives the book fans a happy and mentions that he even makes his own mozzarella (which he says like moot-za-rhell; my sisters-in-law would be so proud) but he had to use store-bought tonight. It's too soon for a shout-out, but I smile anyhow, because I'm cheesy like that. , Stefan gives Elena some sanitized backstory about his triangle with Katherine and Damon. She was beautiful and fun, but also impatient, entitled, selfish and impulsive. Damon claims he was with her first and Stefan admits he did some things he wasn't proud of, but his biggest regret is not being able to make things right before Katherine died. That's why he's making things right with you, Elena. Ahem.
Upstairs, Vicki tells Jeremy it was sweet and romantic of him to help out Stefan. He says he was feeling romantic. Vicki's feeling addicted. She's swiped Elena's pain meds -- left over from the car accident (which killed the Gilbert parents), so they can take them. Sensitivity is not her strong suit. Jeremy stops her from using his pocket watch to grind them up (are they going to snort them?), and tries to persuade her that they don't have to get high all the time. Vicki says, "I really hope that you're not one of those guys who -- now that we're together -- tries to change everything about me." How did she and the Pudding Pop spring from the same loins? Germ plays it cool, even though he doesn't want to, and we cut back to...
Kitchen: Stefan gives Elena the lowdown on his favorite books (adores Fitzgerald, particularly The Great Gatsby, but is not above Grisham); movies (Scorsese's Taxi Driver is a favorite); music is pretty much "across the board. Dylan, Hendrix, Patsy, Willie. Oh, Kanye. You know what? I even like that one Miley song." Oh and as far as TV goes, it's Seinfeld and I Love Lucy. No Buffy? For shame, Stefan. For shame. I bet Damon likes Buffy.
Now, we know either Elena or Stefan is going to cut themselves with that knife they're using for prep, and it looks it's going to be Elena, because she's taken over the slicing and dicing, but they drag it out a little and give us a MYTHOLOGY MOMENT: Stefan loves garlic, so that's not a problem for these vamps. As Stefan heads to the fridge, Elena finally cuts her finger. He asks if she's okay and she goes to the sink to rinse it off. Stefan keeps his cool until he puts his hand down on the counter and ends up dipping it in Elena's blood. Finger licking good, right? Wrong. Oh, he wants to. He holds up his dripping hand and looks long and hard at it -- so long and hard that he vamps out. Elena's got her back turned to him, but it's nighttime, so his face is reflected in the kitchen window (we learned last week these vamps have reflections) and Elena watches his transformation. As she turns towards him saying, "Your face," he turns from her claiming he has something in his eye. He won't let her see him until he reclaims his Zen. Once he does, Elena looks at him, laughs and says, "I think that my paranoia has turned into full-blown hallucinations." Stefan says that's part of her charm, and moves in as if to kiss her, but then waits. Eventually, Elena takes the lead and kisses him.
Mossy Manse: Down in the dungeon, Damon chants Caroline's name.
Caroline's bedroom: she's on the phone with "Tiki" whose name we last heard when Caroline was correcting her on banner positioning at the pep rally. Caroline forbids Tiki from wearing her one-piece swimsuit. "We're going for stripper pole vibe." Yep, my kids still can't watch this. We cut to Damon who is still calling out to her. Back in the bedroom, Caroline's joking about washing the cars in slow motion. She hears the chanting and it throws her off her game so she ends the call. When the crow lands on her windowsill (what is behind the disturbing lack of window screens in Virginia, people) she shoos him away with her pillow. The camera cuts to a fantastically creepy shot of Damon's face, before we cut to commercial.
Mossy Manse: Stefan looks in on Damon, so Damon takes the opportunity to play head games with him, reminding him that although he's won, the truth can still come between him and Elena. Stefan takes great joy in pointing out that with Damon in the dungeon cell, Stefan can just walk away. And then he does.
Working At The Car Wash: We're treated to a shot of shirtless young guys and bikini clad young women. The car wash banner offers "Sexy Suds." Um, who is the cheerleading squad advisor? I'm pretty sure that wouldn't fly at a public school. Sheesh. Ever since All-Trades Tanner bit it (or I guess that's "got bit"), this school has slid straight downhill. Caroline gives Elena the low-down: no freebies, no friend discounts, and "no pay-you-laters." Elena wears a ribbed jersey over a summery top, over her bikini top, and Stefan is wearing a T-shirt and a hoodie. What the? Ah, Caroline has our backs. She scolds the twosome for overdressing.
Stefan takes off his hoodie and then... nothing else. Pooh. Writer-producer Julie Plec tells a fan on Twitter: "as much as we love our brothers shirtless, we felt like it would be gratuitous to have Stefan shirtless at the whole car wash." Hey, Julie, did you catch Caroline in her cheeky undies last week? Or her cheerleading practice outfit, the week before? Or her pink bra the week before that? Or her bikini and short shorts this week? What's sauce for the goose...
Anyhow, Stefan helps Elena off with her top layer. They kiss and my poor Matt looks on in grief. Wait a minute what the frell is he wearing? Is that a wrestling singlet? Please don't let that be a wrestling singlet. I wonder what Ms. Plec has to say about that? "MATT, however, was supposed to be shirtless. Imagine my chagrin when dailies arrived. What happened, @zgeorge222??" @zgeorge222 is Zach Roerig, aka Matt (aka Pudding Pop). He says, "@julieplec I had a black tank in my trailor (sic) when I got to work so I put it on. Sorry. hopefully there will be another chance." Don't worry. Julie Plec says, "@zgeorge222 I'll get to work writing the nude scene, pronto." She has our backs, too. Also, I'm so glad that is a tank, rather than a wrestling singlet. Regardless, the color's all wrong for our fair-haired boy, though, don't you think? Oh what, you came to read about the show, not Twitter updates? Okay, well, Bonnie reminds Matt not to mope and then tells Tiki to take the customer. Tiki is a rude little thing, and right in front of the guy she complains about having to take the "homely ones," and then disses his car. When Bonnie tells her not to be rude, Tiki doesn't stop. The guy walks away, not knowing what to think. Tiki bends down to pick up a hose and add water to the bucket of suds. Bonnie glares. Extra hard. Suddenly, the water shoots up out of the bucket and drenches Tiki. As she tries to get the hose under control, Bonnie smiles and Matt rushes to the rescue.
Logan "Scum" Fell is taping a news segment on the car wash, as Aunt Jenna looks on. When he's done, they trade banter and then Jenna thanks him for dinner. Scum is classy, so he brings up the last time they were in the school parking lot. Jenna plays dumb at first, but cops to remembering how they had sex there, in a mini-van. Ew. Meanwhile, Elena is concerned that Stefan is getting soap on his magic ring. She offers to stow it in her purse, but he never takes it off. He explains it's a family heirloom from the Italian Renaissance (which has the book fans swooning even more). It has their family crest over a lapis lazuli stone.
Elena watches the money table while Caroline goes to get more towels. Alone in the school, she feels like someone is following her. She turns to find (an apparition of) a sick looking Damon, asking her for help. He disappears, but his pleas linger on the air. Caroline hustles down the corridor and we cut to...
Elena is working the money table, when the old man who recognized Stefan comes up to pay for having his car washed. She tells him she saw him the night before and gets him to talk about Stefan. When the old man first moved to town, he stayed at the Salvatore boarding house. Stefan was just passing through to visit his uncle -- Joseph, not Zach. No one knew Stefan was even in town until Joseph was killed -- mauled by an animal. Before he finishes, Tiki walks up. It seems the man is her grandfather. She tells him that her mom wants him home. As he walks off, Tiki tells Elena, "He's a little 'alzy-heimer'." Elena follows after him, to confirm that the man he knew was Stefan. He was. The man remembers his ring, and his brother Damon. Elena finally asks the magic question. "When was this?" The old man replies, "It was early June...1953." After the commercial, Elena tries to get more information from Stefan about his family, etc., but he's about as forthcoming as you would be, if you were a 150+ year old vampire.
Vicki drags Jeremy through the cemetery to party -- because she is sensitivity personified, and why wouldn't he want to get wasted so close to the slowly decaying corpses of his parents? They meet up with a handful of her druggie friends who at first tease her about "babysitting," but soon are passing them the joint, like you do WHEN YOU'RE SITTING AT A MAUSOLEUM. Vicki takes a drag then blows the smoke in Germ's mouth, which is waste-productese for, "Do me, baby."
Car Wash: Elena teases Jenna about her car being done an hour before, but they're interrupted by Scum. Elena asks Scum if he can do her a favor. With Jenna's okay, she explains that she needs access to old news stories from the 1950s. Elena tells Jenna not to tell anyone where she went, because she doesn't want "Caroline" to know she left, but she's looking at Stefan as she says this.
Mossy Manse: Damon continues his chant, which must have included instructions for Caroline to throw on a sweatshirt before coming to his rescue. The crow (who really needs a name, don't you think) watches as she enters the house, which nobody has bothered to lock. Down in the basement, Caroline is startled to find Damon locked up, and asks how she knew he was there. Damon explains that she knew because he wanted her to. She remembers that he bit her, and that her memory is all screwed up. Damon says she'll remember what he wants her to, and now that the Vervain is out of her system, she won't remember what she's about to do -- that is -- open the door. Zach interrupts, throws himself against the door, and struggles to slide the bolt back into place, while yelling at Caroline to run. She finally does, and just in time, because Zach is no match even for a severely weakened Damon. Damon throws open the door and snaps Zach's neck, which makes me sad (a) because I used the Angelus/Jenny Calendar reference last week, and (b) because I was already 'shipping Zach with Aunt Jenna. Damon takes off after Caroline, but she kicks at him while climbing the stairs and sends him tumbling. Up on the main level of the house, he starts to gain on her again, but trips on a rug which cracks me up more than it should. She makes it out the door, and Damon is about to follow her until that nasty old sunshine burns him to an instant crisp. His face is badly scarred for but a second. As his skin recovers, he pants for breath he shouldn't need, as he watches Caroline run off into the light of day.
Car Wash: With Caroline A.W.O.L., Tiki names herself head bitch in charge and puts Bonnie on clean-up duty. Bonnie stares down at a puddle and steam starts to rise from it. The towel to it burst into flames and the flame makes a path across the pavement to the car parked on the other side. Here's a behind the scenes video showing how they did this shot/stunt. Sadly, no one explains why water is flammable. But no matter, soon, the vehicle is engulfed in flames. People gasp, holler and scream. Bonnie watches as if in another world, until Stefan comes up behind her and shakes her out of it. When she asks what just happened, he tells her she was in some kind of a trance. Looking back at the car, she whispers to Stefan, "Did I do this?" Stefan nods. "I think so. Yeah." After he assures her that no one else picked up on her involvement, she begs him not to tell anyone and runs off.
News Station: Logan babbles about digitized archives and whatever. Just leave Elena alone, Scum, so we can see if she's as smart as it's starting to seem she is. Once he asks her to put in a good word for him with Jenna, he's gone (he gets a call to cover the fire), Elena sets to work and we cut to...
Cemetery: Jeremy is having a little trouble coming to terms with being stoned in a cemetery. Vicki, still absolutely clueless that it might bother him, just snickers, "They don't mind. They're dead." Then she decides to kick the party up a notch, and throws a bottle of pills to her friend Tony, who seems to take great enjoyment in getting "Vickies from Vicki." When his girl reads Elena's name off the label, Jeremy is upset that Vicki took the pills from his house. He grabs them back, saying that Elena will notice the drugs are missing. Tony dorks that "Vicki brought the party police." She shushes him and goes after Jeremy, apologizing for making him mad, but when he grumps about partying in the cemetery, "With a waste of space small-town lifer," Vicki wonders what he thinks she is. Germ says she's different, but Vicki argues that while he is different, what with the big house, and the little period of acting out -- this is just who she is. It's not just a dark period for her. Jeremy tries to reach out to her, but Vicki tells him to go home. "If I want to feel like crap about myself, I'll just go back to Tyler."
Car Wash: Stefan asks Matt if he's seen Elena, but he hasn't and doesn't know if she's gone home. Stefan thanks him and starts to walk off, but Practically Perfect Pudding Pop calls him back. "I'm not saying this for you. I'm saying it for her, but... she's big on trust. So whatever you're holding back from her -- the more you try to hide it, the more she won't stop until she figures it out. Matt returns to clean-up duty and Stefan looks at him as if to say, "Cindy's right. He is a practically perfect Pudding Pop."
News Station: Elena finds an old clip reporting the death via animal attack of Joseph Salvatore. Franklin Fell reports. Have you noticed how everyone in this town does whatever their ancestors did -- be it the mayor, the sheriff, or the reporter? Heh. That's not what catches Elena's eye, though. It's the shadowed figure standing in the background watching the body being wheeled away. Elena zooms in on his face. It's Stefan! The music intensifies, to clue-stick those of you who have been hanging in the cemetery with the rest of the small-town lifers.
Caroline's bedroom: She is lying motionless on her bed when her Sheriff mom comes in to check on her, since she didn't see her at the car wash. Caroline quietly says she left early. Her mom tries to encourage her to talk. "Is it a boy thing?" Caroline finally turns toward her mother. "Mom? If I want to talk boys, I'll call dad. At least he's successfully dating one." Oh man, teenagers suck, don't they? They're like their own little brand of vampires. Not you guys, though. You rock. I mean those other teenagers who treat their mothers like that. You would never do that, because... something, right? Anyhow, that hits mom where she lives. She just looks at her daughter as she leaves her room. I think it's going to be fun psycho-analyzing Caroline in the weeks to come. The girl has issues.
Mossy Manse: Stefan finds the tattered remains of Damon's crow. I guess he had to eat something, but man, that's harsh. Poor little fella didn't even have an on-screen name (per Plec, the bird's real name is Elijah, and he's fine in real life). I'm setting up a poll to give him a character name. Vote right over there -- to your right (I think, unless they've moved the polls from the last time I did one). Stefan shouts out Zach's name, and makes his way to the cellar, where Zach lies dead.
Mads Langer's "Beauty of the Dark," plays over our closing montage. Elena narrates to her diary that she's not a believer; people grow old and then die. We see Caroline settling in for the night. She looks at the crystal before she shuts off the light. As Elena says, "There's no magic, no mysticism, no immortality; there is nothing that defies rational thought," the moonlight shines through the pendant, producing a pentagram in a circle, on Caroline's bed. Bonnie stands at a door, and when it opens, she says, "I don't know what's happening to me." The camera pulls back to reveal Jasmine Guy, who is really the one who should be saying that. What did hair and make-up do to that pretty woman? And my word, she's only like 47 years old. Is she going to play Bonnie's Grams? Really. In her soft southern voice, Jasmine Guy says, "I know, dear," and gathers the weeping Bonnie into her arms. Bonnie says, "Oh, Grams."
Gilbert Gables: Jenna brings a bottle of wine and two glasses into the living room and looks around for Logan, who is upstairs rifling through Germ's room, for the pocket watch. It must be a vampire compass, yeah? Anyhow, Elena narrates: "People are supposed to be who they say they are, and not lie or hide their true selves." Elena, have you met people? Jenna calls for Logan, just as he finds the watch. He walks out of Jeremy's room and straight into Jeremy, in the hallway. Germ asks what he's doing there. Scum lies, "I'm just looking for the bathroom." Jeremy doesn't seem to buy it.
Mossy Manse: Stefan cradles Zach's corpse in his arms. We jump back to Gilbert Gables, where Elena continues: "It's not possible. I'm not a believer. I can't be. But how can I deny what's right in front of me. Someone who never grows old. Never gets hurt. Someone who changes in ways that can't be explained. Girls bitten. Bodies drained of blood." She flashes back to all those events from the past episodes, including Matt telling that Vicki said her attacker was a vampire. Elena looks at herself in the mirror, trying to come to terms with what she knows is true, even though it's nothing she would ever have claimed to believe in a million years. At the cemetery, Langer's song is playing on the car tape deck, I guess, because it just stops. All the small-town lifers say, "Not it," before Vicki, so she jumps up, goes over to the car, and pops the tape back in. When she pulls her head out of the car (or truck), she hears someone coughing down near the rear bumper. She asks if he's okay. It's Damon. He coughs and tells her, "Come here," and "Come closer." When she notes that he doesn't look good, he says he has something he has to tell her. As Vicki approaches, he seems about to do a header. Vicki catches him in her arms, reassuring him that she's got him. As she tries to help him steady himself, he bends her head back and sinks his fangs into her neck. CHOMP! Vicki struggles and cries out, but the small-town lifers don't hear her. Soon, she falls silent. Damon allows himself a moment to take a deep breath he doesn't need, and then returns to his meal. Vicki's hand slips off of the vehicle and drops out of sight. Is she dead? I don't think so, but we'll find out on Thursday, won't we?
Mossy Manse: Stefan strides purposefully toward a set of shelves, and opens a wooden box to remove a stake. MR. POINTY! Once it's in his grasp, he runs for the door, stake at the ready. When he opens it up to take off into the night and find his murderous brother, he instead finds Elena. She looks up at him and says, "What are you?" Title card!
Confession: early last year, I was eager to cover Rob "Not the Singer" Thomas's remake of his own original series, Cupid and was thrilled when I got the chance. Like many fellow TWoPpers, I adored Rob's Veronica Mars, and was more than ready to give him a second chance to tell his fantastical god-or-lunatic story. By episode four, I was praying for Cupid's cancellation (sorry Rob), so my guardian angel, Angel Cohn, offered to spell me for an episode. I immediately took her up on the offer, because I knew the show *had* to be cancelled sooner or later, and I didn't want to cover one more second of it than necessary. Flash forward to...
August, 2009. Editorial put out the list of new/available series to the recappers, and we gave them back our wish lists. I didn't get my first choice, I got this, instead. And, don't get me wrong, TWoP doesn't make any of us cover anything. I had listed The Vampire Diaries as an alternate choice, but mostly because I knew it wouldn't conflict with covering HIMYM and Lost, and because I came back wrong, and have a taste for bloodsucking fiends. Also, I wanted the money. But honestly, loving Buffy as I have, do, and always will - I was also filled with some dread. No show is ever going to be to me what that show was, and so I was a little afraid that I would hate this show for not being Buffy or the Buffy. Flash forward to...
Today: It's no Buffy; it's not the Buffy. The Vampire Diaries is just... The Vampire Diaries. And I kind of love it for that, you guys. I'm sitting so happy that Elena is smart and it didn't take her a fricking season (or getting bit) to figure out what's going on. I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel if someone else was covering this show, and it's not hard. I already do that every week, when watching Supernatural. I covered it for Demian, for weeks last year, and LOVED doing it for him. And as glad as I am that he's all better and is back on the Supernatural beat (because I love his recaps as much as the show), I still pray for him to win the lottery and maybe take a nice long cruise, and ask him to cover for me, while he's gone. I do that, because when I'm watching Supernatural, I still kind of feel like the girl who got candy and flowers every Thursday for the better part of three months, and then they stopped coming. When I watch Supernatural, I still recap it in my mind. My poor husband Scott has to put up with me pausing the TiVo to ramble off some pun, or obscure reference, or wise-ass remark. I can't help it. I don't do that with every show. I don't do that with the show I didn't get (which I do like). But I'd so be doing that with The Vampire Diaries. Oh silly show, with impossibly pretty people embroiled in adolescent angst, and no useful parental guidance, that had the foresight to include a smart heroine. I think I love your stinky cheese guts.
That's it for now. Tune in Thursday when The Vampire Diaries goes back to the future or, I guess that's forward to the past, with "Lost Girls." I've seen some production stills and it promises to be very pretty. Don't forget to vote on a TWoP name for Damon's late, great crow (right over there on your right), and give the episode a grade (up top), too. I need to know if I'm in this love alone.
Cindy McLennan wears the cheese. It does not wear her. You can email her at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com or follow her on Twitter.