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Caroline, taking the victim-of-the-week spot, wakes from her tryst with Damon. No, there aren't any parents on this show. Just go with it, okay? She feels her bloody neck and tries to tiptoe out of the room so as not to wake him, so he wakes and when she won't give in to him willingly, he attacks her again. Meanwhile, on the Mystic Falls High campus, Tyler is no longer content to be a dick to Jeremy, so he branches out in Stefan's direction and chucks a football at the back of Stefan's head, whose super-vamp hearing and reflexes allow him to turn and catch it and impress the Hell out of everyone, even a reluctant Matt. Stefan ends up going out for the football team, which is coached by Mr. Tanner. Apparently, this show is operating on a shoe-string budget and a don't-let-the-grown-ups-in philosophy, because so far, Mr. Tanner does everything at that damned school except for clerical work. Stefan makes the team, like you knew he would because you watched the previews last week, which featured him in uniform. Tyler takes this badly. Matt tries to take it like a man. And Elena? Well, she goes out for the cheerleading team, but a be-scarfed Caroline (who had been unreachable all day, which freaked Bonnie out) shows up for practice, undermines Elena's confidence and suggest she just "observe" for the day. This gives Damon a chance to probe Elena -- for insecurities, y'all – and then work them.
Elena decides against cheering this year. However, she wants to convert a now suspicious Bonnie to Team Stefan, so she invites them both to dinner. Bonnie is resistant to Stefan's brains, charm and manners, because of the psychic phenomenon she experienced when she touched his hand, last week. He finally wins her over when he shows earnest interest in her witchy heritage. Then Damon and a still be-scarfed Caroline show up. She knew about the dinner thanks to Bonnie and brought dessert. Stefan tries to prevent Elena from inviting them (Damon) in, but Elena's too polite and can't take a hint. Damon then does his level best to plant more doubts in her mind about Stefan and Katherine. And later, he makes certain to remind Stefan that he now has a standing invitation to Elena's home. Later still, Elena has a dream that starts out with her getting hot and heavy with Stefan, but when he morphs into Damon, she wakes with a scream. As she makes her way out of her room, we see the crow perched on her window sill.
Stefan tells his long-suffering diary that Damon retains some measure of humanity, and that he hopes he can protect Elena. Then he has a thought -- and pulls out a funky old box and looks at its contents, and later gives it to Elena. Inside is a magical amulet, laced with verbena or possibly vervain (same herb). They laugh at him joining the football team as she quits the cheerleading squad, but he pronounces them a work in progress. Who died and made them Wonderfalls? That night, at the pep rally, Jeremy, who had a shoulder bumping episode earlier on with Tyler, is drinking up a storm. The coach makes a big deal out of new player Stefan, which makes Tyler bitter, so he picks at fight with Jeremy. Stefan pulls Tyler off of a fallen Jeremy, which gives Jeremy the opportunity to grab his broken liquor bottle and slash at anything moving. Unfortunately, he slashes Stefan's hand while going for Tyler. Matt tackles Tyler and Elena steps in and tries to talk sense into her now bleeding brother. When she then goes to check Stefan's hand, he's no longer bleeding and his wound is completely healed. He tries to convince her that it wasn't his blood, but she's not buying. After he leaves to get ready for the game, Elena queries Bonnie about the bad mojo she got off Stefan. Bonnie reluctantly admits it was a feeling of -- death.
Damon then tries to get under Elena's skin again, but she and her new amulet resist him and his thrall with a good cracking slap. Meanwhile, Matt gives Stefan props for looking out for Jeremy and apologizes for being a dick in practice (even though Ty was the dick). When Matt leaves, Damon comes and taunts Stefan some more. When Stefan shares his theory that Damon still hangs onto some semblance of his humanity, Damon kills the mean teacher -- which, some students might argue, proves Stefan's point. And there's this whole thing where Bonnie had a premonition about numbers that ties into where Mr. Tanner's corpse is found, but I'll hit that in the full weecap. At any rate, Stefan mopes to his diary that he was wrong about Damon, who is a monster that must be stopped, but then Damon reveals his humanity to us, by watching over Elena as she sleeps, and gently stroking her cheek. Also, Matt tells Ty where to get off, and Vicki nurses to an injured Jeremy and tries to make amends. I'll catch you on the flip side with the full weecap. Until then, don't take your amulets off, and don't invite your boyfriend's brother into your house. That never ends well.
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We little fang hags have had some good news over the past week. The CW ordered the back nine scripts of Dawson's Teeth. Now, scripts so are not episodes, as any self-respecting Firefly fan will tell you, but unlike that great What-Could-Have-Been, this show is on the CW, rather than FOX, in its Friday Night Deathslot. Excuse me while I channel Bonnie, but I can see the CW's lawyers and Kevin Williamson's lawyers hammering out the details over (domestic) champagne and caviar as I type. We already knew The Vampire Diaries was the CW's best premiering drama, EVA, but its performance in those coveted demos that make the advertisers faces go all vein-y and turn their eyes red is quite strong for the little netlet that still might. So and without further ado, let's see what all the fuss is about.
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: For over a century, Stefan Salvatore has hidden in the shadows, but now takes a flying leap off the roof of Mossy Manse and into sunshine of Elena Gilbert's love. Stefan and Elena meet. Elena and Damon meet. Damon and Stefan have already met, since they're brothers, so what's left for Damon, but to taunt Stefan about his desire to feel alive? Elena asks Stefan about his ex, Katherine, who -- unbeknownst to Elena -- was last alive around 1864 and is Elena's doppelganger. Bonnie, Elena's personal psychic friend network, touches Stefan's hand and gets a wiggins. Stefan asks Damon what he's up to, and Damon says the goofiest-ass thing anyone has ever said (even on the CW). "That's for me to know, and you to dot dot dot." No. Really. Caroline, who has a bit of a Marsha Marsha Marsha complex where Elena's popularity is concerned, meets up with Damon. They hit it off and hit the sheets. But once she arches her back and thrusts her bright pink bra north to give the camera a clear shot, Damon vamps out. Fangs bared, Damon lunges at her. Caroline's screams carry us into the black.
Now: Over pretty shots of the early morning sky, I wonder who's in the Victim of the Week slot. We close in on a bedroom. A young, female figure, dressed in a grey negligee with red piping, lies in repose. Oh, I figured we'd see Caroline, but who can forget the bright pink bra? We pan up over the VotW's savaged and bloodstained neck to her face. It is Caroline. Goodbye, Caroline. No, wait! She's alive or... something. She wakes with a start, sits up, and stares in the mirror as her hand goes to her neck. And I'm annoyed, because although I might see the fang marks in the shot (they'd be on our left, here -- because -- mirror) her hair is in the way, the shot isn't crystal clear and frankly -- something distracting is going on with her breasts. Do you see that? Now I'm not picking on Candice Accola. Believe me, I'd take trade my bod in for hers, any day. But someone on the set should have seen that and adjusted things, or put her back the pink bra. Even once the cameraman is done playing with mirrors, we still don't get an unambiguous look at her neck. Caroline examines her fingers, but we can't see if they've picked up blood from a wound. Oh, wait. I think I see the wound. Or it could be a shadow and hair. Or the wound. I need HD TV. Please send me all your money at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com.
Ian Somerhalder is all, "Whatever, Cindy. What about my breasts... er pecs? I'm shirtless over here, unlike andice-Cay." Good point, Ian. Damon is sleeping away, but something distracting happens with his chest, too. It rises and falls, which is just dumb. Now, the CW has to use human actors (Vampires won't join SAG). If they were shooting a cold scene in which the actor's breath was visible, I'd hand-wave it away; ditto the panting that tends to come after a fight scene. And if there were any dialogue going on, I'd remind myself that even if vamps don't need air to "live," it is necessary for vocalization. But it's not cold and he's not talking, and yet....
Meanwhile, Caroline is having a muted panic attack, and decides exiting the bed she's currently sharing with a monster might not be the worst idea. She gingerly lowers her feet to the ground. She has a cute little star tattoo on her right foot, which reminds me of my cousin J's star tattoos (but J's are on her neck -- she's hardcore). She makes her way to the door, and looks back TO SEE SOMERHALDER TAKING MORE DEEP BREATHS. She places her hand on the doorknob, silently blessing her co-star for making us forget about her earlier, unfortunate breast wonkiness, but the old knob squeaks (not a reference to Somerhalder's age). She looks back to make sure the incredible breathing vampire is still sleeping, but he's gone from the bed. And now, he's doing that annoying thing he and Stefan have going on, where they sneak up on women. I'm going to call it the Stealth Salvatore. After he says, "Good morning," Caroline backs away, breathing things like, "Please, don't..." She grabs a lamp and when she raises it like a weapon, Damon tries to warn her off, but thankfully, she ignores him. She smashes him with it, but she might as well have smashed him with a piece of limp spaghetti. Her parents, hearing the disturbance, burst in the room, so Damon flees out the nearest window. No, wait, this is the CW! There are no parents on this show that will interfere with their 17-year-old daughter picking up strangers and bringing them home for a slumber party or a good blood-sucking. Poorly-parented Caroline throws something else at Damon, but it bounces off. He finally throws her down on the bed and as she screams for him to get away from her, he says, "This could have gone a completely different way." He sniffs her blood-soaked pillow, vamps out, and moves in for the...TITLE CARD!
Mystic Falls High School: Resident Cutie-patootie, Matt Donovan (Elena's ex) tosses a football around the yard with some of the guys. I wonder if Zach Roerig laughed when he saw this episode was named "Friday Night Bites." I cried, because I wanted to use that as a homepage headline for this show, so instead you're stuck with the far more obscure "Francis Fukuyama Predicts..." Here. Let me Google that for you. Bonnie, now that her psyche has been overcome with dread, is encouraging Elena to play the field. Elena loves her for her concern, but she's starting to feel like things are getting better and some of that is thanks to Stefan. Meanwhile, Vicki approaches Jeremy on the bleachers, bragging that she's just scored tickets to see The Posers at The Rat. All over the greater Boston area, people of a certain age join me in sighing, "Oh, The Rat," while the younger Guitar Hero II devotees cock their heads in wonder. Jeremy surprises me when he doesn't melt in a pool at Vicki's feet and instead tells her to have fun with Tyler. I'm also surprised that Vicki doesn't seem to care that last week Jeremy blurted out to everyone -- including her big brother -- the sordid truth about what they did last summer. When he asks if she only slept with him to score drugs, Vicki says, "Screw you," but Jeremy says that he's all ears if she comes up with another reason. He then walks off, leaving Vicki confused and longing for the days when boys were fighting over her, not with her.
Stefan catches up with Elena and Bonnie (who could not be more cold to him). Bonnie scoots off mumbling about tracking down Caroline (who's not answering her phone). This doesn't escape Stefan's notice, because he's only a high school boy (okay, plus about 10 years) on the outside. Elena then invites Stefan to dinner that night at her house, at 8:00. It will give Bonnie a chance to get to know him.
Meanwhile, Tyler tries to get Matt cranked about Elena and her new beau. Matt's not a scary stalker, nor is he a creep, so he's trying to accept things as they are. That's okay, Ty's creepy enough for both of them, so he hurls the football at the back of Stefan's head. Thanks to his bat-hearing, Stefan turns around and makes a fabulous catch, then throws the ball back to Tyler with such force that catching it nearly knocks him down. Inside the school, Elena tries to get Stefan to go out for the football team and explains that she wasn't always "Gloomy Graveyard Girl." As the bell rings, she promises that he'll get to meet the old Elena soon.
History Class: Tanner asks the class when WWII ended (1945), but he might as well be calling Bueller. Unfortunately for Elena, she starts whispering to Stefan about football as Tanner asks the date of Pearl Harbor. He busts her, and when she doesn't know the answer to the question (really? Do kids not know the date that will live in infamy? I've got to drill that into my kids' heads as soon as they get home), Stefan steps up with the answer (December 7, 1941). Tanner calls Stefan "Miss Gilbert" when he snidely thanks him. The class titters. He then asks Stefan when the Berlin wall fell. (1989 -- my grandfather was in the hospital and we watched it on the news together, as he said, "I remember when that wall went up.") Stefan tries to brush his knowledge off to being good with dates. Tanner wants to make a fool of him, so they have a little oral quiz. Civil Rights Act? 1964. JFK's assassination? 1963. MLK's? 1968. Lincoln's? 1865 (Stefan refrains from saying he remembers when Abe walked into Ford's). Roe v. Wade? 1973. Brown vs. the Board of Education? 1954. The Battle of Gettysburg? 1863. The Korean Conflict? When Stefan gives the answer to that last one as "1950 to 1953," Tanner does an obnoxious, "Ha!" even though you think he would have learned his lesson after his comeuppance in the pilot. Tanner smarms that it ended in '52. A few students giggle, but I think more out of nervous relief that Tanner's on the new guy's back. When Stefan persists that the year was 1953, Tanner tells the class to look it up. The guy who answers tries to keep the extreme pleasure out of his voice when he realizes Stefan is right. Later, Stefan brushes off Elena's amazement at his head for historical facts by saying that, as a loner, he does a lot of crossword puzzles. Yeah, because everyone knows how often you enter numbers in crossword puzzles. What?
Football Practice: Tanner is not only the history teacher for various grades, and the staff member you meet with when your ward is a druggie truant, he is also the varsity football coach. Sheesh. If he'd just stick a broom up his ass, he could sweep the floors while he's at it. Anyhow, when Tyler Lockwood misses a pass, Tanner publicly humiliates him for his lack of prowess both scholastic and athletic. Stefan lurks nearby, because that's what vampires do best. While and Bonnie and Elena do their warm-ups, Elena invites her friend to dinner to get to know Stefan better. Bonnie tries to change the subject by inquiring as to Caroline's whereabouts, noting that she's texted her about a hundred times, but Elena holds her ground, until Bonnie agrees to come to dinner.
Stefan approaches Tanner about going out for the team, but since he seems hell-bent on driving all his charges to suicide, he relishes his opportunity to tell Stefan that varsity try-outs were last spring. Stefan changes course and apologizes for getting off to a bad start with him, and asks for a chance. Tanner agrees, "Just to see you get knocked on your ass." Hey Stefan, if you ever do decide to fall off the wagon and drink some human blood, have I got a meal for you. Matt's a little disappointed when he realizes what's going on. "First my girlfriend, now my team." Tyler, being a psychopath, sees this as an opportunity to do some damage to the new kid. Back at cheerleading practice, Bonnie frets over Caroline until she arrives with Damon Salvatore in his beautiful, blue convertible. I think it's a Chevy Camaro (although not a Z28; the insignia on the grill and the lights would be different), circa 1969(ish), but please feel free to correct me in e-mail, because my muscle-car days were history even before Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley graduated from high school. Yes, that long ago. Anyhow, Caroline sneers something at Elena about getting the other brother, but Elena refrains from sneering back about the way-out-of-its-place scarf Caroline's wearing with her tank top and short-shorts. Caroline must be chief bitch in charge, because she orders the girls to start off with a "Double pike herky hurdler," as we cut to commercial. After we return, Elena makes a couple of missteps, and Caroline revels in suggesting she just observe for the day. Elena decides, instead, to observe her cute new boyfriend, going out for the football team with her cute old boyfriend, and his psychotic, do-ragged friend. Yeah, Ty's wearing a do-rag. It helps keep his mind on its single track, you can tell, because he continues to work Matt's jealousy of Stefan. He says they should set him up for a Buddy Pass, which sounds a lot friendlier than it turns out to be. Matt throws a high pass in Stefan's general direction. And when Stefan leaps for it, Tyler brings him down hard. While Stefan lies there with the unnecessary wind knocked out of him, Ty says, "Welcome to the team, buddy." Tanner, disappointed that Stefan is going to live, tells him to walk it off. Matt though, sweet Matt comes over and says, "That was my bad." After Matt leaves, Stefan removes his gloves and un-breaks his pinky. Yeeeowch. Excuse me, I have to faint. Be right back.
Mossy Manse: When Stefan gets home, he finds Damon snooping in his diary. Damon mocks it (as well he should), assumes the Close-Talker position, and pretends that he supports Stefan's attempt to live a humanesque life. Damon even muses that there might be hope for himself, too, then snickers in his brother's face, and moves on to baiting Stefan about how perky Elena looked in her short-shorts. Finally, he reveals that he has his own cheerleader now, and takes off for his date.
Gilbert House: Bonnie updates Elena on her latest premonitions, including one that's been recurring all day, about the numbers 8, 14 and 22. My quick search doesn't pull up anything remarkable about any August 14, and Elena's no more impressed than Google. Then, without looking, Bonnie tells Elena where Elena can find her serving spoons -- in her own house. Spooky, Mulder. Stefan arrives, so Elena goes to get the door, while Bonnie continues to test herself on her psychic knowledge of Elena's kitchen. She finds the birthday candles right off. Who are the writers trying to fool? Actresses can't age or eat cake. At dinner, Elena tries to encourage conversation, but Bonnie is noticeably rude, until the conversation turns to her witchy lineage. Stefan says there were some Celtic Druids who migrated to the area in the 1800s. Bonnie explains that her family's roots are in Salem. Stefan amps up the charm. "Salem witches are heroic examples of individualism and non-conformity," and Bonnie thaws. Well played, Stefan.
The doorbell rings. It's Caroline, a different scarf, and Damon. She knew about the dinner thanks to Bonnie and brought dessert. Stefan tries to prevent Elena from inviting them (Damon) in, but this week, it seems Elena has grown some manners. After we get a long shot of Damon's feet crossing the Gilbert threshold, Elena gives Stefan a WTF look, but when his brother is around, Stefan only has eyes for him. The talk later turns to football and cheering, and Caroline puts her foot in her mouth about Elena being so blah since her parents died, but to her credit, she immediately tries to make amends. Damon mentions all the losses he and Stefan have suffered, in an attempt to bring the conversation around to Katherine, but Stefan shuts him down. We cut to...
The Mystic Grill: Ty grabs Vicki's ass but she shoos him off, because she's working. Jeremy sits there and mopes, which is a disappointing turn, after the cajones he showed earlier in the episode. Matt takes pity on his ex's little brother and says, "She's my sister and I love her, but... sometimes she can really make you work for it." Jeremy snarls back, "I find it pretty easy." Okay, that's it, Germy. You're on the list. Matt is really sweet, and it seems his worst crime so far on this show is his devotion to your sister and concern for his own. Furthermore, he did not pound you to a pulp after your ungentlemanly revelation last week. Cut the crap, or we'll have Damon suck it out of you. Ew, stop that. Ew. Ew. Ew. You know what I mean. As Germy makes his way out of the restaurant, Tyler shoulder-bumps him, so Germ calls him out on trying to impress Vicki. Tyler states that he doesn't need to; he already won. Germ pushes him. Tyler says, "Now you're dead." Germ replies, "Am I, 'cause it seems like I'm standing here, waiting for you to man up." When Tyler lunges for Germ, our sweet darling Matt holds him back. The boys exchange more time blah-blahs as Vicki looks on, and is it just me, or did that drama just totally turn her on? Sorry, Matt. You weren't supposed to hear that, although by the way you just asked your sister, "What are you doing, Vick?" I guess it's nothing you hadn't thought of. Matt then storms out and suddenly the Grill is a darker place.
Gilbert House: Damon ends up alone with Elena in the kitchen. He flatters her one second and tries to plant more doubts in her mind about Stefan and Katherine the . After he reveals that Katherine died in a fire (and that she was beautiful like Elena, but also complicated and seductive), he changes the subject and tries to talk Elena out of cheering. She's seems to be leaning in that direction, but I don't think Damon is putting the whammy on her. After she takes in his words, she abruptly veers back to the earlier topic and says, "I'm sorry." When Damon furrows his brow, she adds, "About Katherine." And Somerhalder works this magic with his face where you just -- for a second -- forget he's playing this whimsical mass murdering pedophile. His eyes -- for just that second -- betray his vulnerability. Before he can reply, Elena says, "You lost her, too." His uncharacteristic silence continues, and the two Share A Moment. They're interrupted by Bonnie, who comes in to offer a hand. Meanwhile, Caroline's giving Stefan the skinny about Elena and Matt's long history together. Stefan's more interested in Caroline's scarf though, and asks her if she'll take it off so he can look at it. She won't, but admits she doesn't know why. "All I know is that I can't take it off." Damon happens to return to the living room just at that moment and tries to get Caroline to go in the kitchen. She smiles up at him. "Does it look like I help in the kitchen?" So, he hypnotizes her into submission. Once she's gone, Stefan chastises Damon. "They are people, Damon. She's not a puppet. She doesn't exist for your amusement -- for you to feed on whenever you want to." When Damon begs to differ, Stefan tells him it's time for him to leave. Damon says that's not a problem -- because now that he's gotten the magical invite, he can come and go and do with Elena as he pleases, "Because that is what is normal to me."
Elena's Bedroom: Elena and Stefan talk about the evening and she tells him Damon isn't as bad as he makes him out to be. He places his finger on her lips and then they kiss. It soon turns passionate, and before you know it, Elena's straddling Stefan and taking off her shirt. I can't believe this show is on at 8:00 PM (7 Central). Stefan moves to take off his shirt, but when it clears his face, Elena is no longer looking down at her new boyfriend. It's Damon who is lying beneath her, looking back up at her. She screams and jumps off him as she backs away and crashes into her bureau. Then she wakes up. She tries to shake off the dream and as she makes her way out of her room, we see the crow perched on her window sill. He's cute and all, but he's no Somerhalder.
Morning At The Gilbert's: Elena exits the shower and looks from her cheerleading uniform, to a photo of herself wearing it. Meanwhile at...
Mossy Manse: Stefan tells his long-suffering diary that he wants to make Damon realize that he still retains some measure of humanity. He also wonders how he can protect Elena. He retrieves a big, funky old box from the shelf, and takes a little funky box out of it, and plays with it as he's lost in thought
Mystic Falls High: The school is preparing for a pep rally and their first game of the season. Stefan shows up in his football jersey, to find Elena in her civvies. She announces she's quit the squad and there's some stilted dialogue about her having suffered a great loss, but we'll skip that, and get right to him giving her the funky little box. Inside is a magical amulet, but Elena doesn't know about the magical part -- she just knows Stefan says he never wanted to give it to anyone before now. They laugh at him joining the football team just as she quits the cheerleading squad, but he pronounces them a work in progress. Jaye Tyler says, "This is my blurb, hello?" We cut to...
Pep Rally; Nighttime: The band plays. The bonfire blazes and burns away a player from the opposing team -- in effigy. And Germ (who yes, will be called that until he makes up with my Matt) -- he hangs on the bleachers and openly pours hooch into the waiting cups of his equally stupid classmates. All-Trades Tanner is like, I can't patrol the stands right now, I have to make a speech. And so he does. He psyches up the Timberwolves by telling them just how profoundly they sucked until they landed Stefan Salvatore. This makes Tyler bitter, so he wanders off and, after speaking to Vicki for but a moment, spies Germ and decides this would be a good time to pick a fight. Vicki tries to stop it, but to no avail. Germ does get in one good punch before Tyler flattens him. But never fear -- Stefan Salvatore and his super-hearing are there in a flash. Matt, Elena and half the pep rally attendees soon follow. Stefan pulls Tyler off of a fallen Jeremy, while yelling, "He's down. Enough." Tyler's got to let his 'roid rage out somewhere, so he sucker-punches Stefan's stomach, which is about as effective as sucker-punching a brick wall. His hand just bounces off. Meanwhile, Germ reaches for his prematurely empty and sadly broken liquor bottle and slashes at anything moving. Too bad for Stefan that it's his hand that gets the worst of it. Matt then tackles Tyler and Elena steps in and tries to talk sense into her now-bleeding brother. As Matt pushes 'Roid Rage away from the scene, Elena goes to check Stefan's hand, but his wound has vanished. There's just a trace of blood smeared across his palm, and he makes a great show of wiping it off on his pants, as he tries to convince Elena it was never his blood. She's not buying it, though. It's almost kick-off time, so he makes his excuses and leaves her standing there looking after him in wonder, all through the COMMERCIAL!
Caroline is wearing a scarf that coordinates with her uniform and is critiquing the placement of the balloon arch and Timberwolves banner, but we don't care about that, because here's Bonnie. H,i Bonnie. Elena's glad to see her, too. She wants to know the specifics of the bad mojo Bonnie got off Stefan when she touched his hand. Bonnie doesn't want to go there; she likes Stefan now, but Elena persists. Bonnie says, "It wasn't clear like a picture -- like today, I keep seeing those same numbers I told you about -- 8, 14, 22..." Sorry to interrupt, Bonnie, but I need to rewind and catch the numbers on the key players' jerseys: Stefan, 17; Matt, 6; Tyler, 1. Well, that's not it, and for what it is worth, the effigy guy's number is 10. Hmm. Back to you. Bonnie graciously continues, "When I touched Stefan, it was a feeling. It vibrated through me and it was cold... And it..." Elena encourages her to go on. "It was... death. It's what I imagine death to be like." We cut to...
The Parking Lot: Elena puts something in the back of her SUV, and when she turns around, she finds she's on the receiving end of a Stealth Salvatore from Damon. When she asks what he's doing there, he says that he's hiding from Caroline, because she's driving him crazy. He continues to dis her, until Elena says that although she knows Caroline can be a pill, they've been friends since the first grade. Damon apologizes if he's made her uncomfortable. "That's not my intention." But this is bling-empowered Elena, so she says, "Yes it is -- otherwise you wouldn't put an alternate meaning behind everything you say." Damon cops to having other intentions but says Elena has them, too. "I see 'em. You want me." Elena scoffs. "Excuse me?" Damon says, "I get to you. You find yourself drawn to me. You think about me even when you don't want to think about me. I bet you've even dreamed about me." Elena's face betrays her, but Damon's too wrapped up in his puppet show to notice. He stares at her as he flings some thrall her way. "And right now, you want to kiss me." Elena stares at his eyes. Damon smiles and looks at her lips as he moves in. She watches him and I'm quite sure she snaps out of it, since she lays a good, smack right across his face. I could rant here about how Tyler's punch to Stefan's gut had no effect, and Caroline throwing a sizeable lamp at Damon had no effect, but a slap from this little slip of a girl has managed to knock Damon's face for a loop, but I really liked that slap, so I'll let it go. Beside, Elena has something she wants to get off her chest, and it's not her tank top, this time. "What the Hell? I don't know what kind of game you're trying to play with Stefan, here, but I don't want to be part of it. And I don't know what happened in the past, but lets get one thing straight: I am not Katherine." Now that was spunk.
Behind the Field House: Matt asks Stefan if he'll be able to play. When Stefan says he's fine, Matt gives him props for sticking up for Germ. Stefan says, "He's a messed-up kid. Somebody's got to look out for him." Matt -- his face as open as the day is long -- nods. "I know." He then adds, "This week at practice, I was a dick." No you weren't sweetie. 'Roid Rage was a dick. You were just a little... prickly. If 'Roid Rage hadn't pushed you, you never would have acted up. Stefan smiles and says, "You had your reasons." Matt says, "That's no excuse." I try to bundle him up in a blanket and take him home -- just to feed him chocolate pudding, I assure you -- but then cops show up and say something about how he's not my property and he's got a job to do, and even though the actor is years past legal, the character isn't, so I slink away to the shadows, ashamed, alone, and feeling sorry for myself until I remember, "More chocolate pudding for me!" The boys shake hands and Matt wishes Stefan good luck in the game, and says, "We're lucky to have you."
Stefan watches Matt leave until he is interrupted by Damon doing a BSG-quality slow-clap. "Isn't that nice? Stefan joins the team -- makes a friend. It's all so, 'Rah rah go team'." Stefan tells him he's done with him and turns to walk away, only to be on the receiving end of a Stealth Salvatore. How do you like, huh? Huh? Damon continues baiting him by congratulating him on the neat necklace trick. He guesses there's Vervain inside. Stefan keeps walking, so Damon reckons aloud that he could just seduce Elena without the vampyric compulsion. "Or, I could just eat her." This stops Stefan in his tracks. He tells Damon that he knows he won't hurt Elena, because he retains some semblance of human feeling and he feels for Elena. "You're still haunting me after 145 years. Katherine is dead." Damon's gaze turns to steel, but Stefan continues, "And you hate me because you loved her, and you torture me, because you still do. And that, my brother? That is your humanity." Just then, All-Trades Tanner rounds the field house and calls out to Stefan. "What the hell? We've got a game to play." Damon smirks at his brother. "If that's my humanity, then what's this?" He rushes All-Trades Tanner and drains the blood clean out of him. Impotent, Stefan can only look on and cry, "No." When All-Trades' lifeless body slumps to the ground, Damon turns around, and with a blood covering his teeth and dripping down his face he tells his brother, "Anyone. Anytime. Any place." Stefan's eyes grow wide in horror and...COMMERCIAL!
Locker Room: 'Roid Rage tells Matt that All-Trades is M.I.A. "I think he had too much beer." Matt tells him not to talk to him. "I'm pissed at you. [...] You're a bully. A freakin' 12-year-old bully, man. I'm sick of it. I mean, what was that all about, tonight, huh? What's beating up the new guy going to prove? Or screwing with my sister, or pummeling my girlfriend's kid brother?" 'Roid Rage scoffs. "Girlfriend? Look, I don't know how to tell you this, but she dumped your ass." Matt shoves him against the locker. I break out my pompoms. 'Roid Rage tells Matt, "I'm on your team." Matt's disgusted. "This was over the line -- even for you." He storms out of the locker room and into the parking lot behind the field house -- where he finds All-Trades, lying on the pavement. He screams for someone to help and we travel to...the future!
The animal control vehicle drives up and the officer exits it just in time to see the coroner load All-Trades and his brand new body bag into a van. Cops have cordoned off the area, but the curious and frightened students look on. Bonnie has tears in her eyes, and as she tries to take in the grisly scene before her, she notices the "BLDG 8" sign on the field house, the number 14 on the coroner's van license plate, and All-Trades' bloodstain lingering in parking spot number 22. She gasps for air and tries not to scream. I'd be pissed, too, if my psychic power turned out to be something that could neither prepare me for the future, nor help prevent tragedy. What a rip-off.
Shhh. Here's Matt. He's sitting alone, coming to terms with the coach's death, his falling out with Tyler, his budding friendship with Stefan, his loss of Elena, the messed-up girl who is his sister, and all the pain surrounding him. Poor little muffin. Tyler walks by and glares at him, waiting for recognition that never comes. Ha! Take that.
Jeremy sits on the ground near the bleachers, in the dark, holding something to his head -- a cold beer can, maybe? Vicki finds him there, kneels down, pulls the beer can from his forehead and takes a breath. "It wasn't just for the drugs." Oh, well, Vick, if it wasn't just for the drugs, that makes everything better, right? Germ is still too beat down to say that, so he just looks up at her sadly. She squeezes his arm, rises, and walks away. Have you thought about taking a break from the boys, just for a little bit? Just 'til your neck heals. How about that?
Stefan helps Elena on with her jacket as she wonders what kind of animal could be killing all of these people. "Why would it come out of the woods and attack someone in the middle of town?" Stefan says he doesn't know. He starts to caress her face, but she grabs his hand, looks at it and says how sure she was that he cut his hand. "I saw it." Stefan says, "I'm fine. I'm fine. We're fine. That's what matters." Their foreheads meet as if in agreement and then they embrace. We cut to...
Mossy Manse: Stefan tells his diary how he thought there was hope that he could reach whatever remained of his brother's humanity, but now he knows that there's no goodness or love in there, and he's just a monster who must be stopped.
Gilbert House: Damon stands over Elena's bed and gently traces her cheek with his index finger. When she stirs, he's gone. She sits up. Puts her diary on her nightstand, and shuts off the light as Moby's cover of New Order's "Temptation" sings us home.
Discuss this episode in our VD forums, then see what vloggers Val and Beth think of ancient vampires dating teenagers in TV is the Answer!
Cindy McLennan can't take off her scarf, but she doesn't know why. If you do, please e-mail her at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com, or give her a shout-out on Twitter.
Mossy Manse: Stefan tells his diary how he thought there was hope that he could reach whatever remained of his brother's humanity, but now he knows that there's no goodness or love in there, and he's just a monster who must be stopped.
Gilbert House: Damon stands over Elena's bed and gently traces her cheek with his index finger. When she stirs, he's gone. She sits up. Puts her diary on her nightstand, and shuts off the light as Moby's cover of New Order's "Temptation" sings us home.
Discuss this episode in our VD forums, then see what vloggers Val and Beth think of ancient vampires dating teenagers in TV is the Answer!
Cindy McLennan can't take off her scarf, but she doesn't know why. If you do, please e-mail her at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com, or give her a shout-out on Twitter.