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When Diana tells the team to snap things up, the team hops to. Their brilliant plan is to pretend to kidnap Lisa, and then have Lisa kill Anna when she inevitably comes after her. Anna does a bunch of public grandstanding about giving her own life for her daughter's, and walks right into the trap. But she catches on just in time, and puts on a whole show for her daughter, pretending to be not evil. Stupid Lisa totally buys it and decides not to kill Anna after all. Even with phase one of the plan knocked into a cocked hat, Diana refuses to back down. That only gets her murdered by Anna in the middle of her big moment, and gives Anna a chance to utter what may be the best line of the series to date. With Lisa's betrayal out in the open, Anna decides to replace her daughter with the creepy-ass spawn of her newly-hatched queen egg, complete with a copy of Lisa's skin. And she's the one who ends up mating with Tyler -- and then eating his throat! Awesome!
Also, Ryan heads back up to the ship to rescue his own daughter, Amy, but now she's a rebellious tween who may or may not have killed him for his trouble. And Anna has figured out Chad was one of Lisa's "kidnappers," so it looks like his cozy relationship with Anna isn't going to be even one-way any more.
Pretty much the only good news is that Erica gets recruited by a shadowy, mysterious, anti-V organization that's even more shadowy and mysterious than the Fifth Column, whose leader is played by original V star Marc Singer. Oh, and Kyle has packed up and vanished, so that's good even if Erica doesn't agree.
After deciding that human emotion might be useful after all -- as a weapon -- Anna attempts a mass blissing of humanity. It gets messy, but a last-minute assist from Amy helps her pull it off worldwide, turning all of humanity into sky-gazing zombies. Except those lucky enough to be in an underground bunker with Erica at the key moment. Marc Singer had better know what he's doing.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Well, it's not every day a recapper gets to sub in on what may be a series finale, so let's get to it. Erica sits up in bed and looks over to see Anna sitting on the edge of it. Anna's in red, which is the second sign that something's amiss. The third is when Anna holds up an automatic pistol. "What the hell are you doing here?" Erica demands. Anna speechifies, "No one understands what it feels like... to have the weight of an entire species on your shoulders. Every decision... every hard choice. No one understands it. No one except you." You've probably figured out by now that this is a dream sequence, if you didn't the moment Erica opened her eyes, or even earlier when part of this scene was shown during last week's preview. Anna stands and yammers on, "You understand. To survive you must show no mercy. Be void of any humanity. Just like me." Erica says she's nothing like Anna. Which is true; Anna's not normally given to long, self-pitying speeches like Erica is, but I guess Erica's dream version of Anna is. When we all know the real Anna is more about long, self-congratulatory speeches. Anyway, Anna effectively wins the argument by shooting Erica in the face.
Erica jerks awake, because even the nightmares on this show have hacky endings. Oh, no, it's one of those nightmares within a nightmare, because Kyle and his hairy armpit are in the bed to her! Erica's reaction is less horrified -- she just asks herself, "What are you doing?" So I guess this is real after all. Kyle wakes up, looking distinctly un-bedheaded, and asks if it was another nightmare about the visitors. "And what it'll look like when Anna is gone," Erica lies, for no other reason than to set up Kyle's line: "Let's take the bitch down and find out." Yeah, good luck with that.
On board the mothership, Anna proudly tells No. 2 that Lisa will be mating with Tyler tonight. She seems even more excited about it than Tyler will be. No. 2 reminds her that they still haven't extracted the human soul and wonders how Anna will control her grandchildren. Anna says Amy "will provide the secret to blissing humans." What exactly is the problem? Won't Lisa and Tyler's offspring be a hybrid like Amy and thus subject to bliss? Internal logic is hard. No. 2 reminds Anna that one human-blissing nearly killed her. I'd remind him that blissing near-human Tyler went a little more smoothly. Anna's angrily pulling rank on him when Amy rushes in, looking about ten years old. If there's a third season, Amy's going to start it out looking like Lena Horne's mom. Anna dismisses No. 2 so Amy can whinge about a nightmare she had. She begs Anna never to leave her, and Anna promises never to "abandon you like your father did." Nice dig there. It's like they're in a bad divorce or something. Lisa happens by, and she and Anna exchange a long, cold look before Lisa moves on. Are all the corridors outside Anna's rooms heavy traffic areas or something?
Erica and Kyle arrive at Fifth Column HQ, where Jack, Chad, and Ryan are waiting. Apparently Diana called an emergency meeting but wouldn't say what she wanted until "everyone" was there. I guess Diana doesn't care about Sid. Ryan puts Diana on the holo-phone, and she says that according to No. 2, Anna's ahead of schedule, so they need to make their move quickly. Erica says they need Lisa, and Diana says she's on her way now. "We must act immediately." Kyle asks Erica what she wants to do, but she polls the team first. "We've come too far to turn back now," Chad says with his broadcaster's gift for cliché. Jack gives a whole mumbly speech about having looked to the sky to see God all his life, and now he sees 29 ships, and hundreds more beyond them. "I want to look to the sky and see God again." Sure, make it all about you. And God, I guess. Kyle just says loyally, "I'm with you." Ryan doesn't get a vote, just orders to get back on the ship and bust Diana out. "We're gonna need all the help we can get." She tells Diana they're on, and Diana responds, "You do your part, Erica. I'll do mine." So they're trusting not only Diana, but No. 2 as well? The sad part is that this isn't even the dumbest aspect of their plan.
Later, a hearse backs into a warehouse where Erica and Chad are waiting. Jack and Kyle get out, dressed as funeral directors, and roll out a coffin (zinc-lined, to foil the trackers, in case you care). They open it up, and there's Lisa, in what would be foreshadowing if it were well-thought-out enough to actually foreshadow anything. She's got the immolation gun Kyle asked for. They help her out as she says that while Tyler's not off the ship, "He's okay." But she wants to know the plan and why they wouldn't tell her earlier. "I didn't want you to have too long to think about it," Erica says, which should fill Lisa with confidence. Jack and Kyle explain that they're going to fake a kidnapping to get Anna away from her security Vs. Lisa doesn't think it'll work, since after the last assassination attempt, no one will be able to get close enough to Anna to kill her. "Except the one person she would expect least," Erica says. "You." With that, she offers Lisa the gun and a long, blank stare. Now we're at the dumbest aspect of her plan.
Chad's live from the studio, breaking the story of Lisa's kidnapping by the Fifth Column. Anna, No. 2, and Mr. Turtleneck are watching the broadcast in the mothership as Chad cuts to a ransom video supposedly sent by the kidnappers. It's two figures in alien masks (heh), one of whom is pointing a gun at Lisa's head while the other speaks in an electronically scrambled voice. The speaker demands Anna's life in exchange for Lisa's. "It's you we want dead, Anna. Trade yourself or we will kill your daughter." Anna's seen enough, and she orders a tracker put on the scent and her shuttle made ready. Mr. Turtleneck says they can't risk Anna's life by letting her go down to the surface. Watching Anna carefully, No. 2 points out that Lisa is the future of their species. Anna agrees with No. 2, and says that it won't come to exchanging her life for Lisa's because the tracker will find Lisa first. As usual, the Fifth Column is out of its depth. Or is it? Well, it is, but we'll get to that.
Down on the surface, in front of one of those crowds of pro-V demonstrators who apparently have nothing else to do but show up to support people who aren't going anywhere anyway. Anna and her entourage (which of course includes No. 2) meet up with the FBI people in charge of the case, who luckily for the Fifth Column's plans are led by Erica and Kendrick. Erica makes sympathetic noises and promises to get Lisa back. In the short term, they've been asked to bring Anna to Jack, who supposedly has been "selected" by the Fifth Column as their go-between to tell Anna the location of the swap. And who hasn't been arrested or questioned in any way to find out what else he knows. Kendrick adds that they'll use a body double for Anna, but Anna's not going for that, claiming she doesn't want to risk Lisa's life by failing to follow the kidnappers' directions. And besides, where do you find a double for this, is she right? Erica pretends to be understanding, relating it to her own concern for Tyler, but insists that they have to keep Anna safe. Of course she's just playing on Anna's tendency to do the opposite of what she's told, which is about as sophisticated as this 5C group gets. They give her a minute to think about it, and after Anna looks at the crowds of pro-V demonstrators, she tells No. 2 that she's decided to meet with Jack. That was easy.
In less time than it takes to type it, Ryan's up on the ship, blending in by wearing a red tunic. At the shuttle airlock, he meets Joshua, who reports that Anna took the bait. Ryan asks about his daughter, and Joshua says Ryan will see her soon. "It's good to be back on the same side with you," he adds in his usual constipated fashion. Ryan just nods, and Joshua leads him in the direction of Diana's "cell." Oh, it's a "cell" now? Pretty roomy for a "cell." I was thinking "zoo reptile house."
Inside the Center, surrounded by Vs an
d FBI agents including Erica and Kendrick, Anna and Jack meet face-to-face for the first time, although each of them already knows who the other is. She blames him and his anti-V preachings for the situation, and although Jack says he doesn't want Lisa to get hurt, he stands by his words. Anna sits down across from him and they spar verbally for a bit about God and faith. "With His help, your daughter's life can be saved," Jack says, like she's so worried about it. He gives Anna a plain, sealed envelope and says he was told to instruct her to hand herself over at the location written inside it. "Once you arrive, the Fifth Column will contact me and inform me where they're holding Lisa." And there'll be no tracing protocols in place to help find the kidnappers? I can't decide which is stupider, the Erica who's leading the 5C cell or the FBI agent Erica who's supposedly trying to catch them. Anna picks up the envelope, thanking him for his help, but pausing to add, "And this God you have so much faith in? I hope someday to meet him." Somehow Jack refrains from saying she will, in about an hour. Which is good because he'd be wrong anyway (spoiler [not really!]!)
Anna brings the envelope over to her Ann-tourage and lets a tracker sniff it before she even opens it. She says that although the kidnappers masked Lisa's scent, they left their own on the envelope. "It will lead us to her. Whoever's behind this will pay." Dramatic exchanging of stares before the ad break.
Outside the center, Anna is told by a guard that the tracker has already found Lisa, but there's no one else there. That's one fast-moving tracker; I can barely get to the bathroom and back in one commercial break. The guard offers to have Lisa brought back up to the ship, but Anna says to leave her there for now. No rush to rescue her daughter when there's a big PR bonanza just waiting for her snatch it up. She steps up to the podium, where I guess the microphones are kept live at all times. She gives a speech to the assembled crowd (which now includes Chad) about how as a mother, she can't let anything happen to her daughter. "My only wish is that you welcome her into your hearts as you welcomed me." Speech finished, she returns to that guard and orders him to leak the location. "Make sure Chad Decker's there. I want the whole world to see what happens." Not that she knows what's going to happen, but I think we can all assume that ultimately, neither does Erica.
At the warehouse, Kyle (who I guess has been hanging back after all) is telling the bound and gagged Lisa to take the shot at Anna as soon as she gets the chance. "No hesitation, okay?" He sticks the gun in the drawer of the desk behind her, and tells her they'll give Diana the green light once it's done. "You can do this," he lies before taking his leave. Don't ask how he's getting in and out of here without anyone seeing him. Hell, I'm still trying to figure out how he's getting in and out of Erica.
Cut to the outside of the warehouse, which is swarming with police and FBI and Chad, who's doing a live standup on camera to set the scene. Erica arrives and meets up with Kendrick, who brings her up to speed -- Anna's insisting on going through with the swap and there's apparently nothing anyone can do about it. Just then Anna and her Ann-tourage show up and duck the crime-scene tape. No. 2 discreetly (and again) tells Anna that Lisa's alone inside, so it's safe for Anna to enter. Anna gives the crowd a glance and heads for the door. Chad speaks to the camera in the same Anna-philiac style he's been perfecting since the beginning, even though she kind of grosses him out now: "In a shocking and unprecedented moment, Visitor High Commander Anna is about to enter this warehouse, willing to give her own life in order to rescue her daughter." Anna pauses at the door and heads inside. Fluff it up a little more, Chad, I don't think she's going to be a big enough martyr for the V cause yet.
Sure enough, Lisa's alone in there, still tied up and gagged. Anna runs to her and starts freeing her asking who did it. Lisa pleads ignorance. Masks, you know. "Nobody does this to me!" Anna says, unwittingly outraged on behalf of the real victim of this crime. "I'm going to find out who's responsible and they will be punished!" Lucky for Lisa, Anna always announces her plans with her back to everyone else in the room. Ergo, Lisa takes the opportunity to pull the gun from the drawer, but Anna sees the movement -- and the gun -- in the reflection from the glass of a broken windowpane. Nice advance work, Kyle. One expects Anna to make a lightning-quick move to jump out of the way or turn around or grab the gun, but she does none of these things. Instead, she changes her entire tone. "I cannot tell you how worried I was about you!" she says without turning, or sounding remotely convincing. She "blames" her reaction on her human skin, but then says, "Maybe I didn't want to admit the grasp emotion had on me until..." Lisa prompts her to continue. "Until I thought I might lose you," Anna says. She still doesn't turn around, but she can see in the mirror that Lisa's buying this shit. She gives Lisa plenty of time to hide the gun behind her back before turning around at last to admit she was wrong, and now wants "Humans and Visitors living side by side, in peace." Lay it on a little thicker, Anna. Lisa has tears in her eyes, and so does Anna. Clear ones this time! Anna says, "I know I've never told you this before, but I want you to know I love you." Well, this all seems perfectly healthy and functional, so who could blame Lisa for swallowing it hook, line, sinker, and entire goddamn fishing boat? Anna embraces her, and Lisa hides the gun back in the drawer so she can hug her mother with both hands. Anna just smiles evilly over Lisa's shoulder. This probably isn't over, though.
It's a tense scene outside the warehouse, with Erica and Chad looking at each other nervously. I'm sure no one will notice. Lisa steps out through the warehouse door and closes it behind her for some reason. Everyone looks happy to see her, but when Anna comes out as well, Chad says to Erica, "My God, she didn't do it." That's the kind of razor-sharp observational skills any good reporter needs. Anna and Lisa pose for the cameras while Chad stutters something to his viewers at home. It's worth noting that even while completely unnerved, he still has the uncanny ability to keep his lips glued to Anna's scaly green ass.
Up on the mothership, Diana has changed from her long red dress into a long white dress and is being escorted down one of the nonexistent corridors by Ryan and Joshua. Ryan answers a call from Erica telling them to get off the ship, since Lisa didn't do it. Why are any of these people surprised at that, let alone all of them? Ryan and Joshua want to abort, but Diana's not about to go back to her cell. "I am the rightful queen, and I will not allow my daughter to destroy our species. Gather my people!" We don't see Ryan and Joshua's reactions, but I'm sure they're thinking, "What, we're people-gatherers now?"
Down at the warehouse, Anna and Lisa step forward to meet Erica, who puts a brave face on it. Chad calls Anna over for an on-the-spot live interview so Erica can pull Lisa aside and see what she has to say for herself. Lisa says she couldn't do it. "All that preparation, humanity in the balance, and that is your answer?" I understand Erica's frustration, but her plan sucked. Lisa tells Erica that Anna's changed. "I saw it in her eyes. We can trust her." Erica asks, "What if you're wrong? She is merciless!" Lisa says, "No more merciless than you've shown you can be." She gives Erica back the blanket and walks off with the Ann-tourage. That had to hurt. Because, you know, Erica's fear of becoming her enemy blah di blah.
Diana walks to the center of a domed auditorium inside the mothership, smiling beatifically at the V subjects gathered between the radiating runways. Ryan and Joshua are there as well. Nice gathering, boys. "Hello, my children. It is your mother, Diana," she greets them. She wastes little time denouncing Anna and rolling out her own plan: "The human soul is a gift. We must embrace the soul. Embrace humanity. Together, humans and Visitors can live side by side in peace." Of course it's even more obvious than usual that this is a virtual set, not just from the computer-generated crowd but also by the fact that Diana's voice sounds like she's speaking in a living room. How about a little reverb? She raises her hands, and everyone bows as she continues, "Your rightful queen has returned to lead you on a new beginning. From this moment on--" And just then, a barbed, blood-covered V-tail erupts from her abdomen. That's a rude interruption. The other end of the tail is of course attached to Anna, who looks like she made it back. She's standing about ten feet behind Diana on the stage, flanked by Lisa and No. 2, as she angrily asks Diana, "Did you think you could outmaneuver me?" Anna's tail lifts Diana's flailing body off the stage and then flings her to the floor, which is quite a feat of balance and strength for someone the size of Morena Baccarin, secret lizard or not. It's obvious from Lisa's face that she realizes she's made a huge mistake. Ryan and Joshua look on in horror from the audience as Anna stands over her mother. "You taught me everything you know, but you never learned half of what I know." "You've just doomed us all," Diana says, and expires. Shit, what a wasted opportunity. I've been waiting all season for Diana to reveal her true evil nature and it turns out she was really good all along. This remake sucks. Anna stands over Diana for another moment, then turns and strides over to get into Lisa's face. "Now that's how you kill your mother," she says. Okay, I admit it: great line.
Coming back, Anna gives her own speech to the assembled Vs about how Diana wanted to give into the humans. "No matter what the obstacles, I will never allow that to happen. I am your queen, and I will protect you. But if anyone defies my will, they will meet the same fate as my mother." With that, she returns her attention to Lisa, who she orders taken away. Joshua and Ryan look increasingly horrified. "Now kneel!" Anna orders. Everyone kneels, including Joshua and Ryan. Joshua whispers to Ryan to get off the ship, but Ryan's all "not without my daughter." He "sneaks" out, as though being the only person moving in there wouldn't attract all kinds of attention. Lucky for him Zod-rey Hepburn is enjoying her moment too much to notice.
Ryan goes and finds Amy in her room, and they immediately recognize each other, even though she hasn't seen him since she was a highly accelerated toddler. Ryan says they have to go before Anna finds out he's here. But when he reaches for her, she steps back and snaps, "Get out," whipping out her own tail. Ryan says he's her father and he's not going to fight her. She's not buying it, especially when Ryan says Anna's been twisting things and he's only been trying to protect Amy since her mother died. Amy insists that Anna is her mother, and wraps her tail around Ryan's neck. "And you, you left me here to die! I will never let you hurt me or Anna ever again!" Ryan can't exactly argue the point, since he's being strangled and all. She gives the tail a yank, and Ryan slumps to the deck. Dead? We may never know. Or care.
Nighttime in New York. Erica comes into her house, calling for Tyler both on her cell phone and with her mouth, in case he's at home for some reason. He cheerfully and cluelessly answers his phone on the mothership, apparently having just gotten back from a shuttle flight and therefore having missed all the shipboard drama with its matricides and patricides. Erica tells him to get off the ship now. "I have kept things from you about the Visitors but it's time you knew the truth," she says. Now it's time? As she's speaking, the camera tilts down to a little crystal ball on her shelf -- which is transmitting Erica's image in real time to a computer monitor. It's being watched by Kendrick and Bolling, which isn't creepy at all. "Erica knows everything," Bolling says, and dials his phone. Back to Erica, who repeats the order to get off the ship. Tyler is pretty blown away by all these revelations we didn't get to hear Erica make, but he says he needs to hear it from Lisa, and hangs up. Because he's an idiot.
Anna and No. 2 are watching the latest Chadcast all about how everyone the world over now loves Anna and "her selfless decision to risk her own life to save her daughter's." She turns it off and smirks, "I have won the love and respect of humanity the world over. It's time to see our breeding plan to completion." She's like a frat boy who just rescued a sorority's house kitten: "I just couldn't stand to see the little critter in danger. Now let's fuck." No. 2 reminds her that Lisa's betrayed her, but Anna says they don't need Lisa. Right, Plan B.
To the incubation chamber, where Anna, Joshua, and No. 2 watch that giant stanky queen-egg pulse and wriggle. "When is she due to hatch?" No.2 asks. Right about now, I'd say. Before anyone can answer, a six-foot-tall, green, grody, four-limbed, long-tailed, Giger-headed, thorax-rocking lizard-bug bursts forth, squealing and flashing its boning-knife fangs and glowing eyes. "Put skin on my new daughter," Anna says excitedly. "Make sure she looks exactly like Lisa." Whoa, that's going to take a lot of skin.
At 5CHQ, things are looking pretty empty, and I'm not just talking about Chad. He's pacing around on his cell phone, and Jack's there, and a few other pieces of wooden furniture, but everything else is gone. Including Kyle. Erica shows up wondering what happened. Chad says he's been trying to call Kyle, but he's not answering his cell phone. Erica says she told Tyler everything -- everything, even though we didn't see it -- and yet he's still on the ship. "And it's my fault." Jack tells her not to panic, which is pretty weak sauce under the circumstances. Chad dials his phone again, because it's not like he wants to help deal with her mess. Standing over Kyle's stripped mattress with Erica, Jack says they've all messed up. "Not you," Erica insists, which is pretty generous. "You are the only one who held strong to what you believe in." Jack says it's not too late for her, which is pretty much the same thing as agreeing that she sucks, but she wants to flog the theme about how she became like her enemy, because that's one sci-fi trope nobody ever gets tired of. I'm surpri
sed she didn't dream meeting Anna in a tree and beheading her with a lightsaber. Chad cuts in to say he also can't reach Ryan. "What the hell is going on on that ship?" You're the reporter, Twinkles. Figure it out.
Anna has been watching the ransom video in her office when No. 2 comes in to make a confession: "I watched you fall prey to human emotion and fall victim to Diana's manipulations. I betrayed you. And for that I deserve one fate. Death." With that, he cocks his head way over to the side, exposing his neck. I think he's overplaying his part in the conspiracy just a scoche. Anna looks like she's about to take him up on it, but cuts him some slack. "You acted on what you believed was the best for our species." Besides, there are already three deaths in this episode. Oh, you've only counted two so far? Never mind, forget I said anything. Anna has another news flash for him: "Human emotion can be useful. It's how I stopped Lisa from killing me. If I can wield it like a weapon, use it to manipulate the humans, I'll be more powerful than ever before." So she's not only not satisfied with possessing the technology to blow this damp rock out of orbit, she also wants to go nuclear on the PR war she's already been winning since day one? That's just greedy. No. 2 says he can't give up anyone else. "I interfaced only with Diana, she made sure of that." By slipping a note inside the case of his favorite Peter Gallagher DVD. But Anna's on that already; the V-techs have been working on that ransom recording. She replays it with the voice unscrambled, thanks to V technology. "That's Chad Decker's voice," No. 2 realizes. Nice one, idiots. "Bring him to me," Anna orders darkly, then stops No. 2 on his way out, warning, "Don't ever betray me again." He seems to have learned his lesson.
As Marcus leaves the room, Joshua enters with the new Lisa, who's even dressed in a replica of Lisa's outfit. "Hello, Mother," she says coldly so we know she's evil. Anna asks, "Has she watched all of Lisa's memories?" "Just what she needs for tonight," Joshua says. Wait, so they have access to Lisa's memories? Why are they fucking around with human-made ransom recordings when they can just ransack Lisa's mind and expose the whole conspiracy? Maybe that's the kind of thing I'd understand better if I watched this show every week, or at least I'd be used to it. Joshua adds that Tyler won't know the difference, which would probably also be the case if Fake Lisa were catatonic. Anna sends Fake Lisa on her way, whispering to Joshua. "She's perfect!" Of course, Anna doesn't know that Joshua is part of the Fifth Column, and that he therefore probably just introduced the real Lisa as the fake one. Unless Joshua is a big, giant idiot, that is.
So then Lisa (we'll assume it's the real one until we have reason to think otherwise) lounges on a couch in her mothership apartment, wearing a filmy fuchsia robe. Tyler comes in, wanting to talk. Even when he sees the robe? Erica must have gotten through to him a little bit after all. Lisa gets up and kisses him, but he's got to ask her if what he heard is true, even though he knows it's crazy. She agrees that it is. Meanwhile, in the bilge, Anna and a couple of guards visit its new inmate, Lisa. "You've certainly looked better, dear." Anna says to her daughter, whichever one it is. Up in the apartment, the other Lisa whispers in Tyler's ear, "Unfortunately, there's just some people you can't trust." As she makes with the kissing, Anna makes some comment about Lisa's new home now that her grandmother doesn't need it any more, and other such bons mot from Emily Post's Small Talk for Villains. Meanwhile, the Lisa upstairs pushes Tyler down on the bed and waits until the camera's in nice and tight before shedding the robe. The Lisa in the bilge asks Anna why she doesn't kill her. Anna answers, "I wasn't lying when I said not all human emotion is bad. This one's called vengeance. I want to see you suffer. Enjoy the show." With that, she activates a holo-screen of Tyler on the bed in her apartment, being ridden cowgirl-style by the other Lisa. The one with Tyler gives the ceiling-cam a smug smirk while the one in the bilge looks on in horror. So I guess we can assume that Joshua did exactly what Anna told him to? Come on, Joshua, I know you just rebooted last week, but how about a little initiative?
Back at home, Erica is in the middle of leaving Tyler another voice mail message when someone throws a black bag over her head from behind. She fights, but her kidnapper's a big strong dude and she's only a tiny little blonde FBI agent-slash-freedom fighter.
Fake Lisa (for I think we can safely assume that the one who just sexed Tyler is the fake one) sits up on the bed. Tyler is too deep into a post-coital semi-coma to notice as she unhinges her jaw and deploys the scary-ass fangs, but Real Lisa sees it all on the holo-screen. Fake Lisa dives down with those razor-teeth and sinks them into Tyler's throat, spraying the white linens with his blood as Real Lisa shrieks in horror. Fake Lisa comes up for air, putting her teeth away and licking her gore-coated lips. Laura Vandervoort's really selling this, complete with glazed eyes and a mug that looks like she just got pegged by a blood-balloon. She turns her red-painted face up to the ceiling camera, which is getting a nice, unobstructed view of Tyler's half-severed neck. Way to be proactive, Joshua. But it's interesting how the best moments in this episode are right after characters get killed. Just kill them all and we'll have a winner from beginning to end. And even better, everyone will be dead.
Erica's head is uncovered in a dark room, but her arms are fully tied to a chair. "Just untie one hand and it'll be a fair fight," she bravados to the shadowy figure approaching her. He says she's here because of what she knows. She asks who he is, and he steps into something resembling light. "I'm Lars Tremont. Leader of Project Ares." Funny, he looks like Mike Donovan from the original series, only 30 years older. Welcome back Marc Singer, everyone. I'm sure he'll turn out to be as true to his original character as Diana was.
In the newsroom, a squad of V guards comes up to Chad and says Anna wants to see him. Chad nods, but take his sweet time getting up. Obviously it's not the first time he's been summoned to see Anna, but it's probably the first time she's sent four mean-looking guys. On the bright side, at least now he'll get to find out what's going on on that ship.
Looks like they've cut Erica loose already, so I guess she and Lars have gotten all friendly. Only a few minutes left, so we're clearly in a hurry to wrap things up. She gets off an elevator with Lars and the two guards who were with him, emerging into a vast control room. Lars tells her they're a mile under Manhattan. "This place could withstand any nuclear fallout, or, say, the impact of a mothership being blown out of the sky." Just hypothetically? "Project Ares is a cabal of high-ranking military and government leaders from around the world who have long suspected that the Vs are not of peace." Well, of course they aren't. That isn't even a sentence. "We also know, as do you, that they've been here a lot longer than anyone has imagined." They've now reached two guys with their backs to them, looking over the balcony. "Gentlemen?" Lars says, cueing their dramatic turn to Erica to reveal that they are Kendrick and Bolling. "How long have you been tracking me?" she asks them, when she recovers from the shock that now literally everyone she knows is involved with at least one of the ongoing conspiracies. "Long enough to know that we can trust you," Bolling says, which is a good answer for getting himself out of trouble with her. Lars pronounces, "This, Agent Evans, is humanity's last, best hope for a future." Lars is kind of grandiose, but he's a little lacking in gravitas somehow.
On the mothership, Anna has changed into a long, strapless wedding gown. Because if there's anything we've learned from this episode it's that if someone's wearing
or lying on white, it's about to get bloody. No. 2 follows her into some chamber, warning her that attempting a mass blissing -- or a blassing, if I may -- will kill her. Anna's cool with that, as long as she shows her people that "humanity cannot, nor will not ever defeat us." I think humanity's doing a pretty good job of showing that all on its own, but whatever. She kneels on a glowing circle of floor and spreads her hands before beginning some kind of incantation of bliss. "You feel only peace. You sense only peace." Then the blood-tears begin, which is of course super-soothing. No. 2 steps forward to stop her, but she pushes him away and continues. Her face is almost as bloody as Fake Lisa's was. Suddenly in comes Amy, wearing her own smaller version of the bliss-dress and saying she can do it for her. She kneels opposite Anna and begins the bliss speech herself. Which she learned at some point in between also learning how to talk in the last year.
Down in the Project Ares bunker, alarms start going off. "Something's happening to people," Lars says. "Where?" Erica asks. "Everywhere," Lars answers. Clearly Project Ares has minimal defenses against vagueness. Erica runs for the door. Good thing Project Ares is equipped with bliss-sirens.
In Singapore (where it's daytime, so clearly someone in the production has remembered that the earth is round), beams of heavenly light spread over the city along with the sunlight and Amy's magically amplified voice. Humans stare up at Singapore's mothership, hypnotized and motionless, because the bliss has immobilized them and also because people who don't move are easier to CGI. Same in Tokyo, in the shadow of the Tokyo Dome, and in London, to Westminster Abbey. Obviously the bliss works best near international landmarks. "Only my bliss. I am all you need," Amy concludes. Anna marvels, "You really are a miracle, my child." Well, that explains it.
Erica -- still unaware that her son is probably dead, remember -- emerges to the surface from what looks like a normal basement apartment entrance, and finds a crowd of people staring motionless up at the glowing mothership while ersatz B*G-style operatic music warbles and makes us wish we were watching that instead. Erica keeps walking through the unmoving crowd, trying to wake people up, but nobody responds. And worst of all, one of them is Jack, staring up at the sky as though he's looking at God. Oh, the tragic ironzzzz.
Amy asks Anna, "Did I do good, mother?" Anna takes her hands and fiercely says, "Yes. Yes you did." She's so moved she doesn't even correct Amy's grammar. At ground level, Erica puts her arms around Jack and follows his gaze up to the ship, but she missed the bliss. Lucky her. Anna and Amy pose for the show's camera side by side and holding hands, Anna still all bloody like she just climbed down off an altar. The camera zooms clear out of the ship and over it, looking past it down at the lights of Manhattan before tilting north -- where, somehow, the sun is rising, telling me that the show's understanding of astronomy was short-lived -- and then zooming back away from earth and into the darkness at high speed, affording a quick glimpse of the hundreds of motherships in low orbit. The end.
Or is it? A third season is uncertain as of this writing, so does that mean the series ends on a cliffhanger? Personally, I think no. It's more of a curbhanger.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.
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