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Betty decides that she's too good for the world of fashion, so she spends about half the episode pouting about having such a great job. But a guy who works for a sports magazine teaches her the importance of family by showing her some athlete's laundry.
And since it's Fashion Week, Betty is in charge of producing the show for "Heinrich," which involves incredibly awesome clothes that everybody on the show inexplicably hates. There are angel wings made of broken glass and halos made of barbed wire and a six-foot-wide Napoleon hat. It's great.
Meanwhile, in the Suarez Family Plot Contrivance, Hilda hates Nurse Elena until they go to Betty's show together and end up talking about how much they love stirrup pants. And this means that when Christina goes into labor and has to give birth on the runway, Elena is right there to assist with the delivery. And then Wilhelmina, who has been feeling slighted by the world of fashion, is right there to surround the birth with metallic angel-models and then hold the baby aloft while Marc sets off land mines filled with confetti.
It's all very glittery and ridiculous. Finally!
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Darfur is a sad place, according to the YETI speaker. This message resonates strongly with Betty, who resolves to do something about her career. Oh, you thought she should maybe do something about Darfur? Let's not be silly. She's just starting to think that maybe a fashion magazine isn't the best place for her. And you might be thinking that her reason has something to do with her own clothing choices, which can only be described as defiantly garish at this point. But it turns out that the actual reason is that Betty thinks she's better than the fashion world. And I have to admit she has a bit of a point. Anyway, she enthuses to her seat-neighbor, who is Darfur Lady's assistant.
Jodie (Bernadette Peters!) thanks the speaker and asks if there are any questions (aside from "Can I have a job?") Betty tries to get to the front of the room, but she's waylaid by a guy very interested in discussing the color of his corduroy blazer. He describes himself as "sports guy", but he doesn't appear to be Bill Simmons. He's just a guy who works at a sports magazine, and he keeps calling Betty "Fashion Girl", which I'm pretty sure is the first time in her life that Betty's been called anything like that. He hasn't shaved recently, so I assume he'll be the new love interest. It's always the scruffy guys.
On hearing that Betty works at Mode, Darfur Lady takes an interest. On learning that Betty's done some things outside the usual assistant tasks (like her website column and that time she oversaw a cover shoot), she informs Betty that she's well on her way to being an editor. In fashion. Betty stammers and fumfers about wanting to do other things, and Darfur Lady frostily informs her that if she doesn't want to do fashion, she should do some things other than fashion. You have to admit, it makes sense.
Back in the Mode hallways, Betty tells Christina (remember Christina?) that she suggested to Jodie that maybe all the YETI people could get partnered up with someone from another magazine, which she hopes will pair her up with the girl from the New York Review and she'll get to do something Important. Hey, doesn't Betty work for Meade Publications, a conglomerate that publishes zillions of magazines, some of which aren't related to fashion at all? ["And didn't she already try that when she helped Daniel at that mens magazine?" -- Angel]
Marc has the sad duty of telling Wilhelmina that the dress she wants did not come. He suggests that since Wili's been seeing Connor, she might have fallen off the radar. "Wilhelmina Slater is the most important person at Fashion Week!" insists Wili, in third person. She maintains that the dress not being there couldn't possibly be on purpose.
Daniel is having Betty take care of his seating issues for their upcoming fashion show (near this person, not near that person, sorry I'm not writing down all the namedropping in this episode, but I'm afraid of spelling them wrong, which would make me an outcast. Like Wilhelmina). Also, he freaks out at Betty about how he needs his cuffs to be an eighth of an inch shorter (peeking, not peering), but she expresses a wish to have an assignment that isn't about fashion. Daniel, understandably perplexed, points out that it's Fashion Week and that she works at a fashion magazine. Eventually, she gets permission to write a press release for someone named "Heinrich".
Molly arrives and is told that she looks good. She complains that everything she's wearing hurts. As she and Daniel leave, Wilhelmina is standing by the bright orange desks so she can say, "Peering? For God's sake, Daniel, have some self-respect!"
In the Suarez house, Hilda is preparing a "Goodbye Elena" cake and talking to Betty on the phone. She ladles on the sarcasm about how very much she's going to miss having Elena around now that Ignacio is better and doesn't need a nurse anymore. Wait, what? Oh, skip it. Betty doesn't think the fact that Elena will no longer be Ignacio's nurse means they're not going to see each other anymore, but Hilda is confident.
YETI! Jodie has everyone pick partners and reminds them that they'll be working with their chosen person all year, get married, get divorced, and end up alone. Betty snags New York Review Girl, but in a Shocking Twist, Jodie delightedly tells everyone to turn in the other direction. So Betty will not be working with that girl, but with... sports guy! Of course. There was no way to see that coming! I suppose it could have been Marc. Their assignment is to shadow each other and come up with a list of five things they learned. "And nothing stupid!" I'm not sure this is the best week for Betty to take a day following somebody else around, nor to have some other guy around while she's trying to get stuff done.
Betty tries to talk Jodie out of being stuck with Sports Guy, but Jodie points out that he's right behind Betty and says "awkward!" in what can only be described as a very Bernadette Peters way. Sports Guy acts enthusiastic about the pairing to counteract Betty's obvious reluctance to engage with him in any way. He even claims to be interested in fashion, which I think is a lie. Daniel didn't say anything about what the cuffs on flannel shirts should be doing.
After some commercials, Betty is at her desk (which I've just noticed has several orange things on it; it's like the orange desks are slowly taking over the all-white areas of Mode) on the phone and explaining to Matt (the sports guy) that Fashion Week is extremely busy for them and that she'll get him a tour as soon as she can. Matt asks generic questions ("Did you always know that you wanted to work in fashion?") while Betty tries and fails to write down Daniel's messages.
Amanda swoops in and drops a package of some sort on Betty's desk. She's walking away when Betty wants to ask her about Heinrich. I mention that because Amanda rushes over and looks really, really interested for some reason. I think she might just want to take up as much of the screen as possible. She's never heard of Heinrich. Matt claims that Heinrich is great, but it turns out he's just bluffing and was hoping there would be no followup questions.
As Daniel arrives at Mode, Amanda intercepts him to read him his press clippings from the night. He gets good reviews, but Molly is described so harshly that Amanda tries to claim that she has just remembered that she can't read ("It's my own secret shame"). One of the phrases involved is "a frump with a pulled-back hairstyle that even a turn-of-the-century librarian would deem too severe."
Betty and Matt go to Heinrich's warehouse-slash-meat-locker to gather information for the press release. Getting no answer after banging on the door, they cautiously push it open and Betty sternly warns Matt not to ask any questions until after they're done. Inside, there are two mannequins wearing oversize T-shirts (one has a clown and the other has a smiley face), and there is a man lying in a fetal position on the ground. Matt says, "Is he dead? Oh, sorry. That was a question." See, he's trying to be good.
The man rolls over and glares at them and verifies his identity: "I am the Heinrich. Heinrich for short." He looks kind of like French pop singer Mathieu Chedid, which is the sort of reference I throw in just to make you think that I'm fantastically clever and well-traveled. Did it work?
Betty introduces herself as the person who will be writing Heinrich's press release. Heinrich tells her, "We will make love. Not today, but someday." Man, why can't Heinrich be the love interest? Anyway, The oversized shirts are not Heinrich's dresses. The real dress is behind a curtain, and it's stunning. It's a dress with giant angel wings made of broken glass and chicken wire. And it's totally awesome. Not only is it exactly as silly as something you'd see at the actual Fashion Week, it looks like something out of one of the better Marilyn Manson videos. Betty and Matt are not as enthusiastic about it as I am.
In the Closet, Betty is telling Christina how crazy Heinrich is, and Christina is moaning about how she was an up-and-coming designer just a couple of seasons ago. Matt's there too, trying to make a connection between his job and Betty's, and Betty basically tells him to go take a hike. Then Betty and Christina write a joke press release starting with "It's been said fashion is pain. Science said no, but Heinrich said yes. So get your tetanus shots and prepare to believe." They agree that this version of the press release is just between them and will never be seen by anyone else.
Back to Queens. Betty's written a real press release, in which Justin has changed "shiny" to "glittering" and added the words "breakout designer" a few times. Betty thanks him and tells him she only has two Fashion Week tickets this year, and Justin demands one or else he tells everyone that Betty still likes Ricky Martin. Hilda brings Betty a smiley-face pancake and is in a good mood because Nurse Elena isn't around to take Ignacio's blood pressure anymore. Naturally, this is when Ignacio and Elena walk into the kitchen. Nurse Elena is wearing his bathrobe, which bothers everyone. There has been sex! Hilda stomps out and Betty runs away. Justin goes to get Elena one of his robes, which are presumably more frilly or something.
In the Mode offices, Betty sets a press release in an inbox as, in the background, awesome Fashion Television Announcer Suzuki St. Pierre is delivering her joke press release. "And, in the Ten Designers to Watch Show, Mode presents cutting-edge fashion. Literally! Made from barbed wire and rusty nails, designer Heinrich Slime promises to intrigue, and injure!" Betty panics, but she just happens to have written exactly the kind of nonsense that Suzuki sounds great saying.
Hey, have you noticed that the lady in this Ford Focus commercial is named "Cheyennis Doom"?
As Betty rummages through her desk, Matt pounces on her and tries to brag about how much he's learned about fashion by demonstrating that his pants are chinos. But they're really khakis. Oh, and of course he found the fake press release and handed it to Daniel, because it said "For immediate release" in giant letters on the top. Betty is hyperventilating when Daniel storms in with a problem: "Lagerfeld laughed in my face because my cuffs were peeking!" So they have to be altered again. Also, he liked the press release because it wasn't full of the usual clichés. The bad news is that Heinrich also liked it, so Betty will be in charge of Heinrich's show. Why is that bad news? Betty doesn't want to come up with a concept for Heinrich's show, but Daniel assures her that designers have very clear visions. Finally, Betty condescends to do a little jumping for joy, but it doesn't go very well, and everyone ends up feeling uncomfortable, like a horse bit them in the stomach.
Marc and Wilhelmina are in the car when Marc discovers that Wili's seat at whatever show they're going to will be in the second row. Quel horreure! Or however that's spelled! Marc offers to kill himself by jumping out of the car, and they agree that it's of course she won't go. Wili has a moment of self-doubt, but Marc assures her, "You're still as horrible and evil as the day that Satan himself placed you in your mother's arms!" There's lots of Marc in this episode, which is good. Wili resolves to remind everyone that it's her opinion that matters around here.
Daniel brings Molly into Mode and she gets a makeover montage. Her clothes and hair are completely different. He likes it, but she won't let him kiss her because it would mess up her lipstick.
Heinrich tells Betty that she's the first person to understand him, but that they won't be making love quite yet. He claims that he knows exactly what he wants: "The hot, dry vortex of wind that blows dreams into dust". But no fans. "Grey but obscure." "A rainbow of grey, but sharp. Like clear fog." Betty's not sure about all this. Heinrich tells her to listen to the clothes. Well, okay, then.
Suzuki St. Pierre, live and on location, which means he's going to get to interact with some other cast members for a change. Molly comes in and ignores Suzuki's attempts to get an interview. Marc swoops in on Suzuki (okay, I have a great idea for Marc's subplot...) and drags him off for an exclusive interview in which Wilhelmina will badmouth a designer. Molly hangs up her cellphone as Daniel catches up with her, claiming that he had trouble getting away from Heidi Klum. Molly makes an unconvincing excuse and leaves.
Betty and Daniel stare at a photo of Heinrich's (awesome) dress, but apparently it' not speaking to Betty. Amanda runs in (wearing some kind of unbuttoned marching band outfit that I kind of enjoy) and insists that Betty get her into Heinrich's show, because he is her favorite designer. When Betty points out that yesterday, Amanda had never even heard of Heinrich, Amanda tells Matt that Betty has been hitting the tequila again ("It's like mother's milk to her"). Apparently, Heinrich is all people are talking about. "So that means he's good. Obvi." Betty runs to Daniel to try to get out of the Heinrich show, and the news that Heinrich has been moved to the closing position just makes her more insistent on not doing it. She suggests that Daniel find a Clothes Whisperer, but Daniel reiterates his confidence in Betty.
Betty complains to Matt about how she doesn't understand clothes you can't wear and how she thinks she's wasted three years of her life in a business she doesn't understand. Matt suggests that maybe Betty should take a break and come see his job for a change. Betty ladles on the sarcasm: "Great. Maybe I could find a career in sports. I mean, I was thinking a magazine that actually meant something, you know, like the New York Review, but Hey! I could have a future in fashion. Or sports!" Wow. What a bitch. And Matt has finally had enough, so he chews her out. He accurately calls her out for being really self-interested and judging him entirely on being "sports guy" (which is, to be fair, how he introduced himself). Finally, he says that she's just as shallow as fashion, and stalks off.
Betty chases Matt to the elevators and grovels in apology, carefully not using Fashion Week as an excuse. He forgives her and takes her to his job. Specifically...
...to a locker room. Implied nudity all over the place!
Justin, Elena, Ignacio, and Hilda are having a movie night. Justin: "I can't believe you haven't seen Step Up 2: The Streets yet. It's only the best classical vs. urban dance movie." Elena and Ignacio make out on the couch while Hilda clears her throat and is a huge jerk. Finally Hilda stomps off and Justin is sad and there's a whole shouting scene where Hilda says that she will not have them making out right in front of her. Justin tells Ignacio that he likes Elena and that Hilda and Elena used to be friends. Ignacio muses that maybe if Hilda spent some time with Elena, she'd remember that.
Back 2 the Locker Room. Wait. That's not right. Damn you, Step Up 2: The Streets! Um, anyway, Betty is trying to avert her eyes from all directions at once, and Matt is sort of interviewing some athletes. Matt tells her that sports is not his dream job. He always thought pro athletes were overpaid babies (at which one guy who looks really familiar looks over and says "Hey, I heard that!"). But then Matt got to know the guys. That guy over there came back from a car accident. Jimmy here just likes the money. But Sasha plays to support his Serbian brothers and sisters (his actual siblings, I mean) and didn't speak a word of English when he got to America. Then Matt pretends he's taking Betty to the showers. And the steam room.
Wili is enthusing to Connor about how mean she was, but her interview has been preempted for a special report on jeans for dogs. Connor recommends against letting it get to her, but I'm not sure how that's possible. Wili is concerned that her attempts to have a relationship with Connor mean that she can't be the all-powerful Wilhelmina Slater. Well, how much time is she spending with him? She used to spend a lot of time in shadowy hospital rooms in Season One, and that didn't slow her down any.
After some commercials, Betty has had a revelation and the rest of this episode will be a great deal of fun. Betty has a presentation for Heinrich where it turns out Heinrich grew up behind the Iron Curtain, dreaming of a life on the other (i.e. "this") side of the Berlin Wall. And his father got shot going over the wall. So he carries that pain with him, and "Maybe the only way you can imagine escaping is by raising giant wings and letting the wind carry you far away." So she'll have a big fake Berlin wall for the winged models to walk between. Heinrich loves it, and so do I. But Betty still won't make love to Heinrich.
Betty and Marc are at the show, which does indeed have a big, fake Berlin Wall across the runway. Betty tells Marc to tell the Fire Marshal that the two backstage exits are blocked by the Iron Curtain, but there are still six usable exits. Marc goes off to hit on some firemen. Betty instructs "Steve" to move Isaac Mizrahi to the front row, because there are too many sharp objects for him to throw another tantrum. Daniel stops by and he and Betty walk to the back. He's worried about Molly, since she ran out and hasn't returned his calls. As Betty and Daniel talk, Betty signs a clipboard being held by a woman who appears to be roughly forty feet tall. I assume she's a model (because she's even taller than Daniel and also extremely thin), but the clipboard confuses me. Anyway, Betty accuses Daniel of doing something stupid, and he decides that maybe it was insensitive to order Molly to get a makeover, because it might have implied that she wasn't lovely just the way she was. Betty darts offscreen, shouing "Careful with the razor blades!" Good advice at any time, really.
And now it's Fashion Week! Limos! People! Still no cameo from Patsy and Edina! Hilda is at the Mode party when she sees... Elena! Hilda accuses Elena of stealing Justin's ticket, but this was Justin's idea. Hilda doesn't look thrilled about spending time with Elena. Daniel gets Molly on the phone in a 24-style splitscreen. He apologizes for the makeover and talks about how exciting he thinks the future will be. He tells her he loves her, and she wipes away tears as she reciprocates. Both shots have white curtains as the background. Daniel's are because it's the Mode Aesthetic, but Molly's are because she's in a hospital. She doesn't tell him.
Heinrich's show starts with glass breaking to show the silhouette of one of his amazing outfits with giant wings. The model's head is kind of encased in razor wire. Isaac Mizrahi looks unsure. Then there's an outfit with a six-foot-wide silver Napoleon hat! And one that uses a buzzsaw blade for a hat, and another one sticking out of the model's shoulder! All the outfits have spiky shards of glass sticking out of them or barbed wire wrapped around them, and I think they all look great. Betty is delighted at how well it's going, and so is Heinrich. He starts to give her a dress, but because her body would destroy the line, he gives her some kind of tiara/halo made of circles of razor wire instead. Amanda tries to steal it, but can't touch it.
Elena and Hilda can't take any more of this and sneak out for a drink. Isaac Mizrahi is narrowly missed by some metallic angel wings and declares that he is "this close to throwing a tantrum". Elena and Hilda bond over their shared love of spandex and stirrup pants, and Elena points out that Hilda clearly likes her. Elena offers to back down on the couch-based makeout sessions, and Hilda suggests that maybe the makeouts could be done at Elena's place once in a while. And peace is restored!
Christina comes up to Betty, who is watching the show from backstage. Betty claims that she finally understands that Fashion is Art. "It's just another way of taking what's on the inside and putting it out there for everyone else to experience it. It's not shallow; it's courageous. It's beautiful." And with that out of the way, Christina goes into labor. No, wait, she's been in labor all day. So it's time to go to the hospital. But they're backstage, and the Iron Curtain is blocking the back two exits. The only way to the front is to take Christina down the runway!
Betty shouts an apology to Heinrich before doing it, which I think is nice. And Heinrich thinks it's a great idea anyway, because it's someone in pain. Betty shouts to Daniel to call an ambulance, and Christina has to lie down right at the end of the runway, in that wide spot where the models turn around. I think it might be called "the turnaround". Christina's going to have the baby right here!
Marc, Wili and Daniel are confabbing. Daniel's on the phone trying to get a helicopter (because the ambulance can't get through). Wilhelmina decides that this could be her moment to claw her way back to the top, which is where she was just last episode, but never mind that now. Wili shouts that Christina needs privacy and brings out all the models to make an angel-wing privacy screen. Christina feels a little weird about all these freaky angels staring down at her as she gives birth, so Betty has the models turn around. Wili shouts for someone who's qualified to deliver a baby. And there is! Hilda shouts (there's a lot of shouting in this scene) that her father's girlfriend is a nurse. Elena is charmed that Hilda called her her father's girlfriend and then goes in to get deliverin'. Isaac Mizrahi asks who the pregnant lady is wearing, and Betty is delighted to be able to tell him that she's wearing herself, and that her name is Christina McKinney. Christina doesn't seem to care about the free publicity just at the moment, but Betty assures her she'll be excited about it later.
Marc, who knows a dramatic moment, cues the music and tells the lights to stand by. Suzuki St. Pierre reports breathlessly on the events and expresses a hope that the baby looks more like Wilhelmina than Bradford. Isaac Mizrahi just wants Christina to stop moaning so loud. The shouts and moans give way to the sound of a crying baby, and everyone is delighted. Suzuki starts crying and adds, "Dammit, it's Dan Rather all over again!" Marc cues the music, the lights, and the hydraulic lift.
And from the center of the shiny (sorry, glittering) angels of pain, Wilhelmina Slater rises into the lights and holds her baby aloft like it's the freakin' Lion King. Then Marc cues the Confetti Land Mines, and it's the best thing ever. Just a great shot.
After the show, Betty is cleaning up some stuff backstage, and Matt shows up. Do I say "shows up" too much in these recaps? It's not my fault; characters tend to just appear at random. Anyway, Matt is impressed that there was even a live birth during the show. He compliments her on putting on such a great show, especially since Heinrich gave her nothing to work with. Betty says that Matt will get to learn all about fashion, and Matt finally admits that he isn't interested in fashion so much as he is interested in Betty. Then he cocks a finger pistol really weirdly and slinks off in shame.
Sitting on the runway, Betty asks Daniel how it feels to have a half-brother. In theory, there should have been a point when Daniel had a half-brother, but I guess since everyone thought Alex was dead, Daniel didn't know about it. Anyway, Daniel misses his father. He also thought Betty did a great job, and that she found a way to make unwearable clothes beautiful. Isn't that the whole point of Fashion Week?
Daniel's impressed with Betty's ability to connect with people and thinks she'd make a good editor at Mode. Betty is embarrassed that it took her so long to figure out that fashion has some substance. Then Daniel points out that if Betty's ever really going to have a career in fashion, her sense of color and pattern needs a lot of work. Well, I'm not sure you'd have a show then, would you? Anyway, Betty figures that if she decides on a career in fashion, then she, Betty, will be the one deciding what looks good.
And the episode's over! Pretty good one this time out, too.
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Montykins thought this episode had kind of a subtle Hedwig and the Angry Inch thing going on, but couldn't find a good spot to mention it. Monty also has a blog devoted to Movie Novelizations, cleverly entitled Monty on Movie Novelizations. You can email him at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.