By Jacob
Amanda and Betty get an assignment to go out on the town and ... something, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Like they're meant to blow ten thousand bucks, but without spending any money, or... Very Breakfast At Tiffany's, this concept. They pick up a couple of Eurotrashers at an art show, get the boys to wine and dine them, but then the dudes stick them with a check in the thousands. While Amanda is, of course, more than happy to dine and dash, some quick thinking (and Mode name-dropping) from Betty not only solves the problem but gets them a regular column. Which is good, because beyond eating all of her food and ruining most of her life -- while blaming "Bad Ronald," who lives in the walls! ["Yay! I'm not the only one who remembers that cheesy movie." -- Angel] -- Amanda also manages to misplace the rent.
Betty throws a massive hissy and runs to Queens, where Ignacio actually gives her good advice for once: basically, that Amanda is awesome and has much to teach us all, while Betty is pretty much a sopping rag of suck a lot of the time. Amanda gets a second job of the Flushing Burger variety, they become more like each other, and continue to fall madly and deeply in love with each other to the point where nobody's sure where one of them ends and the other begins, et cetera, Betty starts cooking for Amanda and buying her Prada knockoffs, they cry and they laugh and they respect each other's viewpoints...
You know what? None of this matters, because Betty spends most of the episode wearing the most effed-up thing she has ever worn. It's like... Well, tell me if this is a movie or I just made it up from elements of other movies I saw on Mystery Science Theatre. There's like Santa Claus, and Martians, and some dance numbers, and those weird dominatrix women they have up there on the moon, right, and there's a rocket ship, and maybe a giant gorilla fights a giant lizard that shoots fire. Also there is a turtle that can fly, but has no face, and it shoots electricity of some kind. And so the dominatrix women need babies, or sex, or it's really cold there or something, and they have pointy shoulder pads and long puffed sleeves and tight bodices and look totally crazy -- they're kind of like Princess Barbie's friend Wanda from Sandman at the end, in Barbie's dream -- and walk around and yell and shoot lasers from laser guns, and eventually because it's the '50s they settle down: That's exactly how Betty is dressed the entire time. She's like a spell cast by the vomit of a nightmare of a clown.
Anyway Ignacio is awesome for once, Hilda is not really around but very cool, and also behaving out of character is Christina, who manages a partial raison d'etre by bonding with Wilhelmina over their baby (a boy!) and Wili's crush on Connor, which is getting unsettling! And gets a major revival in the form of Daniel's (surprisingly boring) date with Connor's fiancée Molly. They eat-cute and romp around Platonically in the Closet, nearrrrrrly kiss, and then split up again so Daniel can do that face he does. Marc, in like his sole appearance in the episode, blows a security guard to get tape -- and Wili realizes that Daniel (looking at Molly the way "Betty looks at a cheeseburger") is completely in love.
Join us time for the episode where Ignacio Suarez is, judging by the hypermania of the advertisements, ripped apart by wild dogs. Horrible tragedy? Or Greatest Christmas Wish?