By Jacob
I rarely think about it when I give the A+, because I basically always give the A+, because I think quantifying art is, if not impossible, at the most subjective to a sort of horrifying degree. At what point do you go from "I liked it" to "it was good"? I don't trust myself to be accurate about that; I feel like it's enough to enjoy the ride they're putting me on as much as possible and getting as much out of it as I can. That way, the burden's on them. Having said that? Best episode in the last year and a half, possibly best altogether since the first season. A fucking Plus.
Betty, having noticed her lack of backbone and boyfriends, decides to stalk Cute Jesse across the hall. He's friendly and sweet, which can be hard when you've got all that Betty coming at you, but not to the point where he's actually upset when she breaks the insane news that this show just became awesome by moving Amanda in with Betty, and going six kinds of crazy bi-curious on her. Betty tries to ask him out on a few dates, each of which morph into a more horrible Pokemon version of themselves until she accidentally commits him to play this big Mode party... Which Mariah Carey is actually singing at. Oops!
Of course, Betty spends the entire episode wrapping herself in the velvet embrace of LIES, turning every buddy-buddy exchange into some deeply symbolic meaningful love gesture, but for the first time in I don't know how long, it feels less like Betty picked up Lyme disease on her intracontinental lesbian bicycle odyssey and more like... Sometimes that's just what a girl needs to get through the day: a functionally retarded guitarist with cute hair and no real shot at intimacy. I am seriously not judging on that one, for as many reasons as there are stars in the sky. (Or, you know, as there are indie bands in Austin, home of the sexually-confused, illiterate guitarists with cute hair. Represent!)
Amanda proves once again to be good at... whatever it is that she's good at, and creates massive buzz for a party on Betty's roof. She spends the entire time needling Betty, roommate-style, about her secret crush. Betty gives Jesse an amazing pep talk, signifying all that is good and right about Betty Suarez, and gives him the power not only to dedicate her a song he wrote about her, but also do a note-perfect rendition of that hot Val Emmich tune all the kids are bopping along to these days -- not to mention total Betty Suarez theme song -- "Get On With It," from Little Daggers which dropped back in May on Bluhammock, and you know I bought that shit so don't point fingers at me bitch, because this show and like every television show turned into a love letter to Emmich way before I showed up. Anyway, when Betty finds Amanda accidentally making out with Cute Jesse and wigs the fuck out, Amanda shows her very, very softest side, charming the pants off the universe and earning herself a few more episodes at Chez Suarez.
Meantime, ♥~♥Cliff♥~♥ asks Marc to move in, causing a total meltdown. Even Amanda tries to caution him against living with a fat-ass, and he finally gives just enough of a non-answer that it's an answer. Cliff is sad for like five seconds and doesn't return any of Marc's messages, it's like this horrible bloodbath. Then Marc feels so bad that he totally goes on a short-term slut spiral with some ripped set dresser/gay porn-looking stud from Betty's building. Which is sort of hot...
Cliff comes back explaining that he should have known better than to expect anything BUT a total meltdown, so Marc guilt-reflexes right into a proposal of gay marriage. (Thank God this show's not being shot in California, right Henry?) Marc's hot feet immediately turn cold out from under him, which means more Cliff abuse to come, but mostly I have to say, of all the adorable Marc outfits this week, he gets minus one million for the string of pearls/tietack combo. The fuck is that? It's a perfectly healthy instinct to give Marc St. James a pearl necklace, but it's unnatural as shit for him to wear it in public.
Meanwhile, Daniel's crush on Connor Owen reaches insane new heights, meaning that Marc, Daniel and Betty all agree on the same thing for the first time, like, ever. Usually there's at least one tiebreaker! Connor flirts with like everybody on the planet, driving even Wili to get all man-crush about him, but once Daniel and Wili start edging into Dynasty-type bitch fights about him, he tells them both to stop being assholes, declares his allegiance to both of them and neither, and promises to do his job no matter how ridiculously they behave. He then puts a tiny little chink in the chilled vodka martini Wili's got instead of a heart, causing her to bond sweetly with Betty of all people.
Which means that Betty gets love from both Amanda and Wili, which always makes the episode, and although she doesn't have any sweet scenes with Claire this week, Daniel's heartfelt defense of Betty's beauty in the face of Jesse's betrayal is worth ten of those. It's always nice when people are ridiculously affectionate toward Betty; even better is seeing her deserve it again. Best of all? That feeling of affection toward Betty, her friends and the family she's creating around herself, and most of all: for the show that bears her name, and her unfortunate countenance. I can honestly say I'm excited for week, which I haven't been since like the trip to Mexico a hundred years ago, and that's fucking awesome.
Check back on Monday for the full weecap. Until then, see Betty's soapiest moments.