It's breakfast time at the Great Northern again, and we join an increasingly refreshed Cooper chatting away merrily, despite Albert's dour presence, while enjoying a hearty breakfast of eggs, toast, bacon, and the usual heaping bowl of Kellogg's Cinnamon Toast Quirkitude, part of your complete Twin Peaks breakfast and supplying the USDA recommended dosage of Lynch-directed fun times ahoy. He is smack-dab in the middle of a word (the experience of the first-run viewer may have differed slightly, including less "smack-dabbery" and more "first syllable," as it is clear once more that my mom was deep in the process of deciding whether or not to allow my brother and me to go see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles alone -- 'cause remember, it's 1990 -- and neglected her divine mandate to press "play" at nine o'clock) which comes smack-dab (see above parenthetical for more on this fascinating topic) in the middle of a speech about his knowledge concerning an ancient group of kings who ruled during a fertile period called "The Happy Generation." Taking a sip of his coffee, Albert takes to his usual chore of usurping my every last recapping duty with his testy-as-a-slots-poor-recapper snark, "Agent Cooper, I am thrilled to pieces that the dharma came to King Ho Ho Ho, I really am, but right now I'm trying hard to focus on the more immediate problems of our century right here in Twin Peaks." So Cooper swerves the convo back to business, informing Albert that "Ronette Pulaski has woken from her coma." All the while, incidentally, an extravagantly out-of-context barbershop quartet, a total visual and aural non-sequitur imagined by a self-proclaimed idiosyncratic director still eager to be sure and toss his trademark bizarre aesthetic into every scene he touches, stands at a nearby table humming a Badalamenti-composed ditty doubtlessly entitled "David Lynch Directed Episode Nine (And He Wanted You to Know)."
Anyway, Ronette's official medical condition has been officially upgraded to "non-dead," but she still lacks the ability to speak, so Cooper briefly outlines his plan to show Ronette sketches of Leo and BOB, eliciting Albert's inquiry, "Has anyone seen BOB on Earth in the last few weeks?" Negative, you misguided realist bastard, you. So Albert turns back to the tangibles, indicating a manila folder that hold Jacques Renault's autopsy findings. "Stomach contents revealed, let's see: Beer cans, a Maryland license plate, half a bicycle tire, a goat, and a small wooden puppet. Goes by the name of Pinocchio." Cooper smiles and recognizes the joke, and Albert shoots back, "I like to think of myself as one of the Happy Generations." And allow me to drop the subjective viewer pretense for a moment here and admiringly observe: "Bwah ha ha ha ha!" Seriously, I sincerely hope that my legion of fans out there keeps a list of favorite quotes from the run of the series. And I hope that's on it. Hilarity. Anyway, Albert continues on that Jacques was suffocated, and all the tools to do so, from the pillow to the tape used to secure Jacques' wrists to the bed, were borrowed from the hospital supply closet. Albert proposes that if Jacques had any secrets, "he'll be taking them underground." Albert also believes Leo is responsible for the mill's untimely blaze. Pausing for a protracted moment of dramatic effect meant to indicate that people who dispense sarcasm and cynicism as part of their everyday work routine subsequently cannot express genuine emotion (whatever. Apparently the writer of this episode has never been in town for the jubilant cry of "GROUP HUG!" that rings through the MBTV corporate office in Dayton daily at 2 pm sharp), Albert asks how Cooper is feeling. Cooper thanks him for his interest, and Albert warns him not to "get sentimental," which is exactly what Sars advised at 2 pm last Thursday when my eyes moistened during Group Hug when I worried aloud that my forums weren't moving enough traffic. For my insubordination, I was sent to the little room with no windows and ventilation to "think about what [I'd] done" while being smacked repeatedly in the behind with the "Official MBTV Paddywhacker 2000 (tm)." Because there is no talking during Group Hug. And there is no hugging, either. Oh, wait. Did I write that out loud?
