Twin Peaks TV Show - Masked Bawl - Twin Peaks Photos & Videos, Twin Peaks Reviews & Twin Peaks Recaps | TWoP

Recapped by Strega · Aired 12-14-1990

Ahem. Hi. Your regular recapper couldn't be with us today, so I'll be your substitute. I couldn't find any kind of lesson plan, so I'm going to show a nice filmstrip and, if you all behave yourselves, we can play kickball after lunch. You in the back row -- get that chewing gum out of your mouth. No, I don't care what your usual recapper lets you do. Don't make me write a note to your parents. Before we get started, I suppose I should give you a little bit of background. Much like Djb, I owe my set of Twin Peaks tapes to a patient mother. However, mine are not from the original airing, but are instead from the show's first of many appearances on Bravo. And this was back when you had to pay extra for Bravo, and it didn't run commercials, and I was off in my junior (I think) year of college. My mom loves me so much that she subscribed to Bravo and taped the episodes for me. So a big round of applause for my mom.

Now, as you may or may not know, Bravo got David Lynch to film some special "introductory" segments for each episode, featuring that wacky Log Lady. Let's get right to it, shall we? I press play on the VCR, and immediately see a trail of ants making a living bridge to cross a river. This must be an episode that Lynch directed himself; this bug's life stuff is straight out of Blue Velvet. The ants carry off a big beetle. Gross! I don't remember this episode at all...Oh. Sorry. This appears to be the end of some kind of nature documentary. My mom must have programmed the VCR to start recording a little early. I seriously would have bought that as the start of an episode, though. Ah, here comes the show…For real now, honest. The Log Lady sits in her living room and performs the following monologue. I'm just gonna transcribe the whole thing, so that you know exactly what you missed if you never saw these segments. Won't take long. "Is life like a game of chess? Are our present moves important for future success? I think so. We paint our future with every present brushstroke. Painting. Colors. Shapes. Textures. Composition. Repetition of shapes. Contrast." So far this is clearing things up a lot, isn't it? The Log Lady thinks life is like chess, because of the brushstrokes we use to paint the future. Got it. "Let nature guide us. Nature is the great teacher." Well, I just learned a few things about ants, Mrs. Log Lady, so I'm still with you. "Who is the principle? Sometimes jokes are welcome. Like the one about the kid who said, 'I enjoyed school. It was just the principal of the thing.'" The end. Thank you, David Lynch, for teaching us to laugh and love. So now you know that, if you missed all of the Log Lady segments, you didn't really miss much.

Previously on Twin Peaks: Coop got a Bookhouse Boys patch and was accused of drug trafficking, and Major Briggs disappeared. Credits. Ah, the days when there was no teaser before the credits. I don't know why Djb is being so generous and letting me recap this episode. Admittedly, I haven't watched these tapes in a while, so I'm not exactly sure which episode this will be, and this is mid-second-season, but even the worst episodes had their share of tasty surreal weirdness. I think. The show starts with some rockabilly, which seems promising, and then we see James puttering along on his motorcycle while the credits continue. Oh, God. Kill me. The screen is filled with James. I'm not pausing the tape. I'm typing this all as we continue to stare at James moving down the deserted highway. Still going. We're up to the producer's credit, so it can't last much longer. More credits. More James. Will this never stop? James finally speeds up and passes the camera truck, and we cut away. This episode was directed by Duwayne Dunham, who also directed the second episode. Poor guy; his parents didn't know how to spell "Dwayne." And as if that weren't bad enough, imagine this: last time he was on the set, he was handed a script with lines like, "There was a fish in the percolator," he filmed Audrey's introduction to Coop, and then provided our first scare-tastic images of Bob. So he comes back a year later and gets…well, you'll see. I'm just sayin', poor Duwayne. And also: poor, poor me.

Cut to the sheriff's office. Mrs. Briggs is telling Truman that Major Briggs has vanished mysteriously before, and "it's always been work-related." She asks Coop if the Major's latest disappearance was work-related, but Coop isn't sure. She asks if the Major left suddenly. Coop says, "We were speaking philosophically, and I left to answer the call of nature. When I returned, he was gone." Mrs. Briggs says that it's "very significant" that they were in the woods. Truman asks how so. Mrs. Briggs leans forward and says, "Confidentially, he talks about them constantly." The "snap along" theme starts up as Coop asks if Major Briggs was "attempting to contact some element that lives in the woods, as a part of his top secret work." Mrs. Briggs says that's classified. That would be a yes, then. Coop says that the Major has a "Renaissance passion for exploration," and Mrs. Briggs grins and says, "That is how he sees himself." She touches on the idea that sometimes it's hard to be a woman, giving all your love to one Renaissance-exploring-type man, and Truman politely thanks her for talking to them, because he doesn't really wants to hear about the Briggs' marital problems. Which is a tactical error, since that conversation would be more interesting than the things Truman actually does for the remainder of the episode. Oh, I'm not bitter about this at all. Not yet. Wait till I've reached the fourth act; then you'll see some bitterness. Anyway, Mrs. Briggs offers to call back with information about the notes Major Briggs left on his bedside table, because I guess that stuff isn't classified. After she leaves, Coop whispers to Truman that the "flash of light [he] saw was a powerful force that exists in those woods." The door opens, and Andy and Hawk enter. Andy has a wedding present for the Milfords. Do we care? No. Hawk mentions that "Dougie's weddings are a seasonal thing, like the return of the salmon." Then a nervous woman's voice comes through the intercom. She says, "There's a call for a Dale Crouper." Truman explains that the voice belongs to a temp they hired while Lucy helps with the Milford wedding. Ah. Wackiness. Perhaps it's Mrs. Wiggins, taking a vacation from that lovable but confused Mr. Tuddball. The temp puts the call through: it's good ol' Gordon Cole, phoning it in from Bend, Oregon. Which is where what's left of the interesting storylines have been stashed. Cole just wants to let us all know that Cooper has his full support in this pesky investigation. Cooper says "Thanks, Gordon," and Cole says, "It ranks poor with me, too!" See, he's still hard of hearing. Notice the hilarity? Me neither. Cole mentions that the DEA is sending in a "top dog" to investigate. Coop asks who, and Cole pauses before saying, "It's Gordon. It's Gordon Cole!" You might think that this running gag would get tiresome. And you're not exactly wrong, but if you fast-forward to the "Andy's obligatory pratfall" section of the episode, you'll realize that the comedy in this scene is actually rather subtle and refined by comparison. Coop repeats the question, much more loudly, and Cole says that the investigator is a certain Dennis Bryson. Coop tells Truman that Bryson is "a good man, Harry. No nonsense." Cole reassures Coop by saying, "Let a smile be your umbrella," which may or may not be a code for something, and hangs up. Coop looks directly into the camera and says that it's "time to face the music."

Cut to some kind of ancient Apple laptop. Aw, it's so cute! And I don't associate it with Jeff Goldblum, which makes it even more attractive. Coop enters the conference room and takes a seat opposite Hardy and the other two inquisitors, one of whom is the owner of the aforementioned laptop. Hardy says "it's show time," but neglects to turn into a spooky carousel or a snake or in any other way resemble Michael Keaton in Beetlejuice. Instead, Hardy asks for Coop's defense. Coop firmly declares, "I have no defense. I am completely confident in the rightness of my actions. Some of it occurred of outside Bureau guidelines, [and] I will pay the price for that, but I am completely innocent of any criminal wrongdoing." Hardy gestures to the guy who's making a transcript, who closes up his laptop. Hardy says that he expects "a Bureau man to stand up for himself." Coop grins and says, "I know the moves I'm supposed to make, and I know the board." Hardy makes a "could you speak a little less metaphorically" gesture, but Coop ignores it, adding, "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I've started to focus outside the edge of the board. At a bigger game." Hardy asks what game, and Coop says, "Not chess, Mr. Spock: Poker!" No, not really. That would have almost made sense, compared to what he does say, which is: "The sound wind makes through the pines. The sentience of animals. What we fear in the dark, and what lies beyond the darkness." So, Coop's going for the insanity defense, I take it. Hardy, who I'm liking more and more, asks what the hell Coop is talking about. Coop says he's talking about seeing beyond fear, and looking at the world with love. At this moment, I ache for Albert. More than usual, I mean. Hardy tries to scare Coop with the charges against him, but Cooper maintains his Zen attitude. Hardy says that "the move is up to the Canadian government, and the DEA investigation which begins today." Hardy adds that he may recommend a psychological work-up for Coop. "May?" Coop calmly thanks them all, briefly stares at his gun and badge without any particular emotion, and leaves the room.

A bell rings at the high school. Hey, look at all the 1990 fashions! Oh, and there's Norma, trapped in subplot number 73. Remember kids, if you attempt to overdose on sleeping pills, you may wind up as unfunny comedy relief on a show that lacks any tension from which one might need to be relieved. Hey, the more you know, right? Nadine approaches Donna, who's wearing clothes that, even at size 0, hang on her as if they're Dawson's XXXL shirts. Needless to say, there's some plaid involved. Donna asks if Nadine has heard from James. Nadine hasn't. Nadine wants to know if Donna is still seeing Mike. Hey, remember Mike? The blonde mullet? Obviously, Donna, and the audience in general, hasn't seen him in some time. Nadine thinks that she and Mike may have some "chemistry." Like, with each other. And then Mike comes down the hall. Donna's pale. Like, more pale than I am, and I didn't think that was possible. I suspect she's resorted to using leeches to suck out some of her blood, 'cause those oxygenated corpuscles are making her feel all puffy and bloated. Mike strolls down the hall, and apparently he got a haircut while he was gone for the past, what, year or so? He nods to Donna, and Nadine says hi to him. Nadine giggles to Donna about the cuteness of Mike's "buns." Donna plays along as much as possible, and asks if Nadine is still seeing poor, poor Ed. Nadine explains that Ed likes to stay in and Mike likes to go out, and so on, and the bell rings. Finally.

James. Still. On his motorcycle. Don't ever get off of it, James. Just keep going. As fast as you can. Never stop and actually interact with anyone, and we'll get along fine. Oh, damn, he's pulling up at a bar called "Wallies." Not "Wally's." Apparently two guys named "Wally" founded this place. Or something. I don't know. Yes, I'm trying to delay the moment where James sinks into his horrible, stupid, bad, bad, bad subplot. He was bad enough when he was involved in a story that we sort of cared about. Do you blame me? Oh yeah, and there's a nice convertible parked outside, too. I don't know what kind, because I'm, like, a girl and stuff. It's shiny. Does that help?

Inside, there's this blonde at the bar who has hairsprayed her 'do into some kind of awning for her forehead. I sob, because I know where this all going to lead. James takes a seat to her and asks for a beer. I have restrained myself from making Fetus Slater jokes, because they won't be as funny as Djb's and it'll just be pathetic, ["Oh, nonsense. Though I will say that some studies say it's okay to have a drink after the second trimester. Which we must already be in, seeing as this scene has already been going on for well over six months." -- Djb] and I'm sure he'll add some comments in here about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome himself ["Hey, look at that. I guess I just did. Hi, Strega! Hi, everyone!" -- Djb] The blonde says hi, James says hi, the blonde asks if James is "headed somewhere," and James says, "I'm sorry?" because he's not sure if the blonde is asking whether or not he's a breach birth. Okay, so I made one fetus joke. It was there. The blonde tries to delve, James assures her that he's all right, the blonde laughs that "men are always all right, right up until they pull the trigger." Eh? Is that some kind of innuendo, or is she…I'm thinking way too hard about this, right? Okay. She goes over the whole "nice, quiet neighbor" description that people always use when they find out they live door to a serial killer. Why is she talking about this? I. Don't. Know. James says, "I'm only quiet on the outside." I can't make fun of that line. I can't. It makes my brain seize up if I try to think about it. Nonsensical non-bantering non-continues. Except for the part where it actually does continue. The blonde asks if James knows about cars. She says that she drove her husband's Jaguar into a ditch, and she wants to get it fixed before hubby returns. James claims that he might be able to help, and the blonde introduces herself as Evelyn Marsh. James asks if he can play something in the jukebox before checking out the car. Like, maybe a restful little lullaby, huh, James? He goes to the jukebox, and Evelyn swings around on her stool so that we can admire her thigh-high stockings, which are pulled down so that they're more like knee-highs. As Nico sang, "Cause everybody knows, she's a femme banal." Or something like that.

Oh my lord. I took a break, and Godzilla is on HBO. I've died, and this is hell. I press play again, and we're at the Sheriff's station lobby. With Andy. And Dick. And introducing Little Nicky, who Dick introduces as his "charge from Happy Helping Hand." My entertainment options are Godzilla or Little Nicky? What would you do in my place? ["I'd answer that question, but I've already done it. Having fun, by the way?" -- Djb] Dick is wearing his tweed jacket over his shoulders like it's a cape, and under that is a blue and white striped sweater, and under that is a patterned shirt, and under that is a violet turtleneck. I almost have to admire that. If only because he must be close to heat-stroke under all of those layers. And I'll admit that I still feel some residual affection for Ian Buchanon because of his stint on It's Garry Shandling's Show, memories of which are the only thing that kept me going during this subplot when it all aired the first time. Dick says he just had Nicky "fitted for a new wardrobe" at the department store, and they were hoping that Lucy could come join them for a malted. Andy explains that Lucy is helping out with the wedding. Nicky suspects that they won't go get malteds without Lucy, and Dick confirms this. Nicky is displeased. Not as depressed as I am, though. I hum, "This is the theme to Garry's show," but it doesn't really help much. Andy suggests that he could go with them for a malted since Lucy isn't available. Dick looks daggers at Andy. I look daggers at myself in the mirror for agreeing to write this recap.

In Truman's office, Coop pours himself some coffee. Truman asks what Coop will do if they can't clear him of the charges. Coop quotes My Giant, who said that "a path is formed by laying one stone at a time." Truman suddenly realizes that if Coop were to snap under the pressure and completely lose his mind, no one would notice. Coop asks, "Have either of you fellas heard of a place called the White Lodge?" Fellas? Oh. Hawk's there, too. Thanks for establishing that for us, Duwayne. But I can't really blame Duwayne if he didn't feel like putting his heart into this particular dramatic effort. He probably saw what he was dealing with, and decided that the wisest course was to get it over with as quickly as possible. I can relate. Duwayne, we're still cool. Call me sometime, we'll have a beer. Hawk wonders where Coop heard of the White Lodge, and Coop explains that the Major mentioned it before vanishing. Hawk says, "Cooper, you may be fearless in this world, but there are other worlds." Coop wants to hear more. Hawk is about to break all of his dialogue records. He says, "My people believe that the White Lodge is a place where the spirits that rule man and nature here reside." Truman interrupts to note that this is an old local legend. Hawk adds, "There is also a legend of a place called the Black Lodge. The shadow-self of the White Lodge. The legend says that every spirit must pass through there on the way to perfection. There, you will meet your own shadow-self. My people call it, 'The dweller on the threshold.'" Coop repeats this reverently, just like you knew he would. My goodness, Hawk's still not done: "But if you confront the dweller on the threshold with less than perfect courage, it will utterly annihilate your soul." Woah, bummer. The temp receptionist, who wasn't out at her desk moments ago when Andy was out there ["God, am I glad you mentioned that." -- Djb], but then we all know that temps are practically invisible, announces via the intercom that Agent Bryson has arrived. Cooper says, "Dennis Bryson and I worked together in Oakland. He's one of the finest minds in the DEA. Harry, we're in very good hands."

One of the many fabulous and/or pathetic bits of Twin Peaks flotsam in my possession is a book called, The Autobiography of FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: My Life, My Tapes In addition to having one of the longest titles on record, it's actually pretty darn amusing, unlike the oft-mentioned Secret Diary of Laura Palmer. That is, it's intentionally amusing. Big difference. So, I dug it out to see if Coop's prior meeting with Bryson was noted there. It is. In the fall of 1987, Coop and Bryson went from Oakland to Tijuana on the trail of drug smugglers. However, apart from Coop's recommendation of reptile as an entree, and his rescue of Bryson with the aid of Israeli hand grenades, there is nothing particularly amusing to report about their work together. If you were wondering, yes, I am trying to drag this out as long as possible, because it's basically the only bright spot in this entire episode. There's no Shelley, no Ed, no Jerry Horne. There's, heavy sigh, no Bobby. There's five seconds of Audrey and Pete. There's no Albert. This scene is all I have. So, the door opens, and in walks David Duchovny. In drag. No matter how ready you are for it, be honest, it still makes you snicker, am I right? Because deep in your heart, you're twelve, just like me. Yeah, I thought so. Duchovny looks...uh, brown. Brown hair, brown outfit. Bright red lipstick, though. He smiles and says, "Coop," affectionately. Everyone stares. Coop finally says, "Dennis?" The response is, "It's a long story, but actually, I prefer Denise, if you don't mind." Coop, of course, simply says, "Okay." Coop introduces everyone, and Denise offers his hand daintily. Hawk just stares without taking the proffered hand. Denise does the "quaint little town you've got here" bit while Coop steals the scene by simply looking Denise up and down. Especially up, since Denise is rather tall in those heels. Denise explains that an RCMP officer has accused Coop of stealing drugs that were being used in a sting operation. Coop says that he's being set up. Denise says, "Well, my recent experience has taught me never to judge too quickly." He says he'll start work and report back later, then asks about the food at the Great Northern Hotel. Coop says, "Denise, you're in for a real surprise." Truman mutters, "So are they." Aw, see, Truman had to go and ruin it. Denise tells Cooper, "We'll catch up later. I want to tell you all about my new life." Coop is anxious to hear about it. Denise takes Truman's hand again, saying, "Good to meet you, Sheriff." He gives a final "Mm," as he looks Truman over, which doesn't exactly mesh with the remarks he makes later about Audrey, but it's worth a chuckle, so who cares. And Truman probably doesn't mind attracting the attention of someone who's just a bit more feminine than Josie, right? Exit Denise. Hawk offers, "That's a good color for him." Which color, "blech brown"? Yeah, right.

High school. Weight room. Mike is, duh, lifting weights. Nadine approaches, and moves the pin on a nearby piece of equipment to 600 lbs. She easily lifts the weight, while staring at Mike, who is struggling to manage his measly 240 lbs. Mike notices his admirer, and asks if Nadine wants something. She says that would be forward of her. Enter giant black coach. He notices how much weight Nadine is lifting, and bends down to her, asking, "And what's your name, little lady?" She tells him, and he asks if she's thought about joining the wrestling team. Mike is stunned. Thus begins pathetic subplot number 275. If you're still keeping track.

Truman's house. Josie's sleeping in his bed, in her little boy PJ's. I'm amazed she doesn't have Underoos. Truman enters, hands her a drink, and does icky touchy-feely things with her. They cuddle together on the bed. Truman says, "It's time. I can't be with you unless I know the truth." Josie says she used to "work" (wink wink, nudge nudge) for a man named Thomas Eckhardt in Hong Kong. Her family was poor, Eckhardt took her off the streets when she was 16 and "taught [her] about life," blah blah blah whorecakes. She says, "He was my father, my master, my lover." She left out, "My troop leader," but you get the idea. Ewie. Andrew Packard was partners with Eckhardt, Josie was afraid for her life, Andrew proposed, Josie accepted. Truman asks who Mr. Lee was. Josie says that Lee worked for Eckhardt: "He said [that] if I didn't go back with him, he'd kill you." She says that Eckhardt has never stopped wanting her, and that Andrew protected her from Eckhardt. Going for a big finish, she says, "I now believe that Eckhardt was the man responsible for Andrew's death." She glosses over how she got away from Mr. Lee, and worries that Eckhardt will kill them both. "Let 'em try," Truman says. Yes, please, please, let him try. And let him succeed, too.

At the Double-R, Hardy is reading a local paper with a banner headline about Leland's death. We miss you, Leland. Nadine brings him a slice of pie, which he's "heard so much about." ["At least someone out there missed M.T. Wentz's review. Too bad it couldn't have been the rest of us." -- Djb] Hank and Ernie, clad in camouflage, enter and ask for coffee. Nadine goes over to Ernie and sarcastically asks, "Catch anything?" "I hope not," Ernie mutters, before remembering that he was supposed to be hunting, not whoring. Ernie claims that he bagged a twelve-point buck, then gets up to go check on Vivian. Nadine says, "She's gone back to Seattle, and that's where I think you should go, too." Oops. Nadine leaves, Hank returns. Ernie says that Vivian has left, and Hank suggests that this will make it easier for Ernie to unload the "four kilos." Gosh, don't tell me that Hank and Ernie are up to some nefarious shenanigans? Gasp! At the counter, Andy and Dick sit on either side of Little Nicky. Nadine brings pie for the (ostensible) grown-ups, and a chocolate malted for Nicky. Dick tries to coo over Nicky, and Nicky blows his whipped cream topping all over Dick. Good job, too. Andy enjoys the scene, and assures Nicky that "Uncle Dick isn't mad, are you Uncle Dick?" Andy gets up to grab extra napkins, and that mischievous urchin spins Andy's stool so that when Andy sits back down, he goes whoosh and falls onto the floor. Dick tells Nicky, "Uncle Andy went funny boom-boom, didn't he?" I think Nicky might be intended as a surrogate for the viewers at this point. If he starts stabbing Andy and Dick with forks, I'll consider that to be definite confirmation of my theory.

And now we're at stately Marsh Manor, where intrigue and mystery and sexual tension go when they're tired, so they can put their feet up, relax, and let glacial, derivative plotting and fifty year-old clichés carry the load for a while. James is looking over the damaged car. Evelyn does the neglected rich housewife spiel. This is like watching a junior high school adaptation of Body Heat. Only not as good. James talks about how sometimes he likes to "just rocket blind [sic] into the dark" on his motorcycle. Why don't you go do that right now, James. That's something I would actually like to see. Especially the part where you "rocket blind" into a tree. Or over a cliff. Or over a shark, maybe? Wait, you did that a while ago. Evelyn offers James room and board while he works on the car. James sees nothing at all wrong with this plan.

Ben Horne's office. It's amazing how much affection I feel for some of the secondary characters when I'm forced to spend extended periods of time watching the tertiary characters. Ben, in desperate need of a shower and shave, is watching a black-and-white movie showing the founding of the Great Northern. Little boys portray young Ben & Jerry at the groundbreaking ceremony. Ben mists up as an unplugged variation of "Laura Palmer's Theme" plays. Ben approaches the screen as he begins performing the opening monologue from Richard III. He stops before the self-deprecating bit, naturally, and kisses the image of a woman who I assume is his mother. The film ends. Hank enters, looks around, and asks, "A stag party? And I wasn't even invited?" Ben asks where Hank has been. Hank says he's had a killer schedule. Because he's a killer. Get it? Ben summarizes his difficulties: Katherine's alive and has taken possession of both Ghostwood and the mill, and "there's the small matter of being arrested for the murder of Laura Palmer. A real business enhancer." Plus, it turned out that Ben's lawyer, Leland, was a homicidal lunatic. Hank concedes that Ben's had a tough week. Ben unexpectedly discovers Feng Shui years before it gains cachet in glossy magazines, as he theorizes that if he rearranged the furniture correctly, it could "create a resonance" with extensive benefits for him. This marks the beginning of the "Is Ben insane or not?" subplot, which is number 483 on your scorecard. Ben asks if Hank could help him move the desk. Hank wants to talk about One-Eyed Jack's. Hank tells Ben, "There's been a friendly takeover." Ben is still trying to express his outrage when Hank adds, "I don't work for you anymore." Ben ponders this, and guesses, "Renault! Jean Renault!" Ben uses some dramatic gestures while explaining that Jean Renault is a "psy-cho-path. And you, my friend, are dancing with the devil." Hank says that life is change. Ben responds, "Don't patronize me, you goon." Hank pulls Ben close, tells Ben that he's out, and exits. Poor Ben. He repeats, "You're out, Ben," over and over as he turns the movie projector back on, sits cross-legged on his desk, and makes a very nice shadow puppet of a deer.

In his hotel room, Coop sorts through his mail. He holds a small manila envelope and says, "Windom Earl." Well, if Earl gave a return address, it shouldn't be too hard to track him down. Coop opens the envelope and pulls out a small piece of paper. Earl really could have used a postcard and saved himself some postage, I think. Plus, he could have gotten a postcard with a funny picture of a jackelope on it, or some such thing. Coop drops the paper, so we can see it reads "P to Q4." Coop is holding something else -- oh, it's a microcassette. So I guess a postcard wouldn't have worked after all. He pops it into his handy Diane-corder and presses "play." The Joker, I mean Earl, says, "You couldn't help but take note of my emphatically traditional opening. I must say, your responding move was nothing if not reflective of your predilection for the tidy and fastidious." He uses a lot of big words, don't he? As Coop walks over to study his teeny travel chess set, the word "Bravo" appears in the upper left corner of my screen. This was Bravo's large and irritating station ID, which has since relocated to the more customary lower right in a much smaller font. When I watched these tapes with some friends in college, we would quietly applaud whenever this apparent instruction appeared on the screen. Most notably in the middle of Maddy's death scene. But anyway, Earl goes on. And on, and on... He says: "See how my response to you begins to lead us toward a classical confrontation. But there's doubt in your mind. What are my true intentions? How will you answer this time?" Coop strolls over to perch on the bed. Earl's still talking: "Hobgoblins, Dale! Consistency, predictability, giving rise to patterns. We both know only too well how these patterns leave you vulnerable to attack. You with your wounds, I with mine. Let me paint you a picture: my knights will skirmish; lanes of power and influence will open to my bishops and rooks; pawns will naturally be forfeit. I'm even prepared to sacrifice my queen, because, I assure you, dear Dale, my goal will be attained at any cost. The king must die." Coop looks stricken, as if the point of chess is news to him.

The Milford wedding. It's the same minister who was at Laura's funeral. Yeay, continuity. Boo, subplot number 5,684. Mayor Milford voices an objection: he says that Lana's a gold-digger. Truman calms the Mayor down and escorts him out. "So, if there be no further objections..." the minister continues.

Coop's phone rings. He goes to answer it, wearing an amazing red robe with some kind of white and brown pattern. Coop says, "Denise? Well that'd be nice; I'll be right down." He picks up his tape recorder and tells Diane to remind him to tell her about Agent Bryson. I hope he switched tapes again, and isn't accidentally recording over Windom Earl's ranting. Because it would be a shame to miss one second of that.

A tiny old man plays the accordion as the wedding party frolics. I suppose I should note that Dougie Milford is wearing plaid pants and a matching plaid vest with his black tuxedo jacket. And then Coop enters. In a double-breasted jacket. And without a tie. Cooper without a tie. It's sooooo weird. You thought the white horse and the backwards-talking little man were weird? Well, this is weirder. Denise is at the bar, and waves a bouquet at Coop to attract his attention. The Log Lady sits down with Mayor Milford and Pete. As Coop takes a seat, Denise explains the bouquet: "Unfair advantage. How many of those girls were varsity wide-receivers?" Denise tells Coop that he found cocaine residue in Coop's car. Denise admits that it looks like a frame, but he can't prove it. Coop asks for Denise's help. Denise says that doing so would "get into a very delicate area," but on the other hand he's trying to get more in touch with his feelings. The Milfords eat cake. Mayor Milford bitches about his brother. Coop asks Denise what caused his, uh, stylistic change. Denise says that he was working undercover, trying to catch a dealer who would only sell to transvestites. Just go with it, folks. If you stop to think at this point, you're doomed. Denise says, "I found that wearing women's clothes relaxed me." Coop terms this an "amazing disclosure." Then Denise is distracted when Truman walks up. Dougie and Lana dance up, and Lana asks if Coop is "that FBI man." Coop says, "Not currently, no," and introduces himself. The new bride and groom dance away. The Mayor bitches some more. The Log Lady enjoys the cake. This episode will never, ever end. Oh, wait! There's Audrey! Dancing with Cooper! Hi, Audrey! She tells Coop that he's an excellent dancer. Coop says that one must simply "hang on and hope the music takes you there." Bye, Audrey. Sigh. Denise dances with Andy. Guess Lucy was all tuckered out from planning, and couldn't make the actual wedding. Or maybe she's off doing a star turn as Alice on Batman: The Animated Series. Except that didn't happen for a couple more years. Oh well. Seriously, where was half the cast during this episode? Or did they actually ask someone to write a script that would focus on all of the really stupid, boring characters?

By Strega

At Casa Packard, Josie tells Katherine that Andrew was murdered by Thomas Eckhardt. "Tell me something I don't already know," Katherine says icily. Josie says that Katherine is in danger. Katherine replies, "You help kill my brother, try to cheat me out of my land, my family's life blood, utterly destroy my existence, and now you want to save me?" Josie said she had to do all that mean, nasty stuff, and that she has no one to turn to now, and that she's at Katherine's mercy. Katherine gets ready to play Let's Make a One-Sided Deal! She tells Josie, "From now on, you work for me. Here, at the house, as a maid." ["Doesn't this sound suspiciously like the 'sentenced to be my butler' plot of Seinfeld and Costanza's script for NBC? I guess that would make Andrew the 'Elaine' character, seeing as he is about to be the least mannish person in the frame." -- Djb] She tells Josie to move into the servant's quarters, adding, "If you disobey me, if you lie to me, if you contradict a single thing I tell you, I shall find this Eckhardt, and feed him to you, by hand." Josie agrees. Katherine dismisses Josie, then says, "I'll take breakfast at seven, in my room." Josie heads for the door, and Katherine gets the last word in with a chipper, "Sweet dreams!" And then, just when you thought there was no plot left to twist, Andrew "Only Mostly Dead" Packard enters through the other door. Katherine asks if he's happy. Andrew says, "Everything's going exactly as we planned." That must be one hell of a complicated plan they came up with. Andrew says that now, all they have to do is "wait for Thomas Eckhardt to come looking for his one. True. Love. And when he does..." "We'll be waiting for him," Katherine says gleefully. Damn, I didn't even get any David Warner to enjoy. But the episode is finally, mercifully over. A whole hour (well, forty-two minutes) of nothing but set-up for future plot developments. Yuck-o.

Twin Peaks TV Show - Masked Bawl - Twin Peaks Photos &amp; Videos, Twin Peaks Reviews &amp; Twin Peaks Recaps | TWoP

Twin Peaks TV Show - Masked Bawl - Twin Peaks Photos & Videos, Twin Peaks Reviews & Twin Peaks Recaps | TWoP