Orlando: Smith Street

MPDP appears wearing jeans and a red and orange paisley print shirt that I kind of like. They're in Orlando. Greg and Leah are newlyweds looking for a "romantic getaway" in their bedroom. Leah has that hairstyle with the front half all pasted to the head and the back half short, fluffy and spiky. Amanda and Dennis want to maximize the space in Dennis's studio apartment, which he rents from Amanda. Cut to Amy Wynn, Kia, and Hildi checking out an antique shop.

Greg and Leah's normal-sized bedroom has brownish gold walls, a deeply coved white ceiling, and a tile floor in natural beige and terra cotta shades. The trim is white, and they have two closets with white louvered doors. Their furniture is dark wood; some it is very old, clunky-looking stuff with big blocky wood handles that Greg has had since he was a child. There are a couple of chests of drawers and a small desk used as a vanity table. There's a mirror above each piece of furniture. The bedspread is a patchwork pattern with irregularly shaped rectangular blocks of colour in a soft red, golds, oranges, mossy greens, blues, and amethyst. Then the fabric has a variety of tone-on-tone patterns on it. It's less loud than it sounds from this description. There's a square window above the bed, a door to the outside, and another window opposite the bed, all with white blinds. The two windows have those "window treatments" that are a skimpy hank of fabric swagged across the top with the tails hanging down each side. I really can't stand the way that looks. That isn't a window treatment any more than three feet of binder twine is a belt. There's a modern white ceiling fan. Leah and Greg say it's the only room in the house that isn't done; they want something romantic, exotic, classy, and peaceful. And they've got Kia. Good luck with that. They'd be lucky to get any one of those things. Greg doesn't like the blaring white ceiling and would like to see something done about that. He would also like to see the furniture replaced.

Amanda and Dennis have been friends since high school, and Amanda's house has a garage which has been converted to a studio apartment. Dennis likes the fact that the room is not so huge; it's the right size for him. I'd say it's a typical bachelor place (messy, haphazard, and uninspiring), except that Dennis has a young daughter named Juliana who visits every other weekend and one day a week, so in addition to his own single bed in the middle of the room, there's a white metal daybed pushed against one wall with a floral cover and stuffed animals on it. There are a bunch of toys piled between the corner of the wall and the end of the bed. From the look of the toys, I'm guessing Juliana is somewhere between three and five. The walls are white; the carpet is a mousy brown. There's one very small, narrow window above the daybed. I can't quite figure out where the kitchen and bathroom are. Dennis has a good-sized flat-screen TV in a unit with folding doors that cover the TV. There is some exercise equipment, a small tile-top kitchen table, and a chair, which he seems to use as both a desk and probably an eating area. There are assorted bits and pieces around the room. What Dennis doesn't like about the room is that he can't really invite anybody over to watch TV, because he says "it turns into a slumber party," I guess because there's nowhere to sit other than the beds. Dennis admits that he's scared about having Hildi as his designer; Amanda seems more into the risk. Sure. She doesn't have to live in the room.

Key swap.

Greg and Leah find Hildi tossing some fruit around. Hildi tosses Leah a mango. Amy Wynn is taking measurements. Leah wants to put some colour in the room, because it's so sad and drab. Hildi says that's what the mango is for; it's the inspiration for their colour palette. Green and orange and red? Hmm. Hildi says they have to figure out how to incorporate sleeping areas, an office area, a dining area, a social area, and a play area for Juliana into this room. She also wants a "theatre area" for Dennis's television. Amy Wynn says she doesn't think it's gonna happen. Hildi says, "Trust me, it's gonna happen." They unload the room.

Dennis and Amanda find Kia mumbling to herself about some fake jewels that she's sorting on the bedspread. Kia tells them that Leah loves the bedspread, so it's going to "command [their] attention." Amanda says she would like to see something romantic and exotic. Dennis mumbles something about a Moroccan feel. That felt really coached. Kia says that's one of her favourites. She says they're going to use jewel tones: "Emeralds, topaz, rubies...all of those colours." They're doing a window treatment; a "magnificent bed" which she promises will be "sexy"; and a little something to the closets. Kia continues, "And the floors, and some other decorative treatments. And accessories, some good accessories. Maybe Moroccan ones!" She says that since Greg and Leah are newlyweds, they're gotta "make it hot!" They empty the room.

Hildi cuts open the mango and sticks the knife in it, saying that's the colour they'll be using for the two days. Leah thinks it's a little bright. Hildi: "But it's good." Leah laughs nervously. They open two cans of paint; one is pretty much mango, the other is dark brown.

Kia reveals her paint after pronouncing, "Minty tea colour." MPDP says, "'Prosperous'?" just before Kia lifts the lid, and I presume she's reading the colour name. MPDP jumps a little when she sees the colour, which is a fairly aggressive Astroturf green. If you want to be more generous, I suppose you could call it emerald or shamrock green or pool table green. Blecch. I love almost all greens, but that's about the only one I don't really care for. I can only assume Kia's never actually seen mint tea, and assumes it's the colour of a mint leaf on a toothpaste package or something, but it isn't. I doubt anyone would drink anything this colour -- not even the kind of people who don't flinch at purple ketchup and antifreeze-coloured Gatorade. Dennis and MPDP don't seem to find it very "mint tea," more "minty." MPDP says it's "putting green tea." Kia paints some on the wall. Yuck. It's really lurid, and not especially Moroccan, if you ask me. Kia: "Trust me. I live with this colour in a room in my home." Amanda: "And you're not...it doesn't make you insane?" Kia confidently says, "No." I'd get a second opinion. The "bumper" to the commercial is Hildi and Amy Wynn doing The Bump at the antique shop. Geddit?

Amy Wynn instructs Greg and Leah not to paint a certain part of the wall, so as not to cover the markings she's made for something she's building there.

Kia's team paints the walls green. The walls are those textured, orange-peel kind of walls, so the finish makes the colour look somehow more cheap and cheesy. It has a plastic-y look to it. Amanda says she's starting to like it. They notice it's darker on the walls than in the can and agree that it's "intense." MPDP says it could go either way: "We could put mallard ducks in here...or we could put Moroccan columns!" Or you could put a little windmill and a little pond and the ninth hole.

Hildi explains to her team that Amy Wynn is building some kind of bed with arches that will function as a king-sized bed when Juliana's not there. I'm not quite following her, but I decide not to worry about it for the moment. She's rolled some brown onto one paint roller and some mango onto the other, and walks over to the wall and paint samples side by side, exactly where Amy Wynn told Greg and Leah not to paint. Amy Wynn notices and says, "Uh, hello? What's that 'no-paint zone' mean to you?" She sounds rather pissed.

MPDP, Amanda, and Dennis discuss the fact that there's a lot of green in Leah and Greg's house. MPDP wonders if Leah might be getting tired of green. Amanda says that this is a new green.

Greg and Leah have much of one wall painted. They agree that they like it better on the wall than in the can; it's not as bright. Leah thinks it will work well with the brown. Greg thinks that as long as his TV's there, Dennis won't care. Frink: "Yup."

Kia's sanding the bedroom furniture when Dennis comes along. She explains that they're going to paint the furniture. She advises him not to over-sand any one place.

Hildi explains some of the plan to her team. Man, that mango colour is drying much darker and browner than it went on. I kind of like it, but I wouldn't eat a mango that had turned that colour. Apparently, the twin beds are going to be to each other, with some kind of divider down the middle when his daughter visits, but it will be a king-sized bed when she's not. Hildi says that an adult man should not be sleeping in a twin bed.

Amanda and Dennis are painting the furniture. They hope Greg and Leah like it.

Hildi says there's going to be a screen that you pull down like a roller blind between the two beds. Huh? Whatever. The screen is going to have a photo on it, taken by Hildi. It's a broad view looking down the Champs Elyse toward L'Arc de Triomphe. I don't know if you've heard, but Hildi lives in France part of the time.

Kia and Amanda are sewing drapes. She has some sheer brownish-amethyst fabric which isn't too bad, but she's edged it in a wide band of this horribly tacky, shiny, shiny gold fabric. It's as shiny as aluminum foil. It looks like something Cline Dion would wear to get married in a big Vegas circus of a wedding. Oh, wait, I think she actually did. Kia mutters about emerald and amethyst, which reminds me of the colour of those walls, which is going to look like ass with this fabric. She holds up a piece of "leftover" fabric, saying, "Waste not, want not." This is a dark green piece of fabric with elaborate, very shiny gold Indian-style embroidery on it. It looks like the pallu of a sari. It's very nice. Amanda says she likes it. Kia says it matches the room, though it totally doesn't. Amanda says it's perfect, and Kia gets all excited about that. Amanda says that if she likes it, Leah will like it, because they have similar taste.

Hildi is sanding the fake-wood exterior of the TV cabinet so that it can be painted. The screen and speakers are taped off, but I wouldn't be too jazzed about someone sanding and painting the case of my TV. I'm sure a lot of crap would get inside where the electronic parts are. Hildi has some other furniture she's bought that they're going to paint. It's all going to be dark brown...like the ceiling, apparently. This is a small and not especially bright room, from what I can tell; is painting the ceiling brown really a great idea? Wouldn't that make it feel dark and oppressive? I would have painted it a lighter tone of the mango colour.

Kia shows Amanda -- who's sewing -- the crappy-looking existing vanity chair. They're going to make a slipcover for it out of some satiny orangey-yellow fabric. Amanda loves it. I have to say, I'm beginning to suspect that Amanda was well paid to be supportive and enthusiastic about Kia's plans. Because, you know, she doesn't seem like she's insane. What other explanation is there? Although I don't know who would pay her, other than Kia.

Hildi shows her team the furniture she's bought. She lifts up a precut tabletop, mentioning that "Lowe's sells every size you can imagine." Is it just me, or are the product placements getting more aggressive and blatant? Pretty soon I'll know how Shack feels. They're using that for the dining-room table, and they're putting it on top of a curvy, X-shaped base that looks like it's made out of plaster or something. It's some big chunky white thing with a brick-y texture. Plastic? I dunno. Frink thinks they look like rejected patio furniture components.