Los Angeles: Seventh Street

MPDP walks down the sidewalk giving the normal intro. She explains that they are in Los Angeles, and this episode will feature "the stars of 7th Heaven," and she wonders if they know what they've gotten themselves into. Eh, they're celebrities. If the room sucks, they can afford to redo it.

The first set of homeowners (and I use that term lightly) consists of brothers George and Geoff Stults. I haven't watched 7H in about three years so I have no idea who these clowns are. ["They play Kevin and Ben Kinkirk, respectively. Kevin is Lucy's fianc. There, now you'll all sleep better at night." -- Sars] MPDP helps out by explaining that they play brothers on the show. The other set of homeowners is Beverley "Lucy" Mitchell and Jessica "Mary" Biel. MPDP announces that the rules are the same for the celebrities as they are for the regular homeowners. The designers, Hildi and Edward, join the carpenter, Amy Wynn, in walking down the street looking at a map to stars' homes.

I'm just going to call Beverley and Jessica by their characters' names because it's easier and shorter to type. Plus, that extra "e" in Beverley is annoying. Anyway, Lucy is the actual homeowner and Mary is just helping out. Lucy wants her garage/rec room redecorated. So if she uses her garage for hanging out, where does she park her car? Maybe this is an attached garage, and then she has another detached garage where she stores her cars. Or maybe she has a driver. Anyway, the rec room looks like you would expect -- decent if outdated furniture, a giant television, a fridge and microwave, and one of those basketball games they have in sports bars where you try to make a lot of baskets in a short amount of time. I can vouch that Stee and Omar are really good at that game. We have one here in TWoP Towers, and they spend all their time fucking off instead of writing recaps. Lucy says that the room is where she goes to relax, and it doesn't really have a style. Mary and Lucy debate what shade of purple the room is. Mary thinks they should make it kind of like a sports bar so that both men and women will feel comfortable hanging out there. Lucy agrees that she wants to make it her "fun zone" with more exciting colors.

George and Geoff live in an apartment. If you saw the episode of Cribs a few years back with Seann William Scott, that's their apartment. In fact, if you live in an apartment complex that is decent but not great, you live in their apartment. One big room serves as foyer, living room, and dining area. The walls are white. The biggest difference between this and most apartments is that there is no carpet -- they ripped it up because it was stained, hoping to force the landlord to replace it, and then he didn't. So the floor is cracked cement. The decorating style is post-college bachelor; there are bikes parked in the living room and hardly anything on the walls, but there's a giant television set. The brothers agree that their place is "a shithole," and say that their mom begged them to clean up before the camera crews arrived. George says that they can do anything they want to the apartment, except for remove the television, the PS2, and the surfing monkey. Well, at least they have their priorities straight. So do they have permission from the landlord to do this or what?

Poolside key swap. MPDP makes fun of George for having a brand-new unused hammer. Then MPDP runs down the rules. Geoff asks the ladies not to mess up his nice floors, and MPDP rips on him for that.

Lucy and Mary arrive at the boys' apartment and greet Hildi. They are shocked at the state of the apartment and reveal that they've never even been there before. Mary says that the place is kind of cool, but it's really dirty and broken. Hildi promises they will put down carpeting and build a place for the television. She wants to put suede up on the walls, and mimics how they can rub against it. Shut up, Hildi. She also wants to change the layout of the room and get rid of the popcorn ceiling. Good luck with that. They unload the room.

Geoff and George enter the garage and greet Edward. He asks what they want to do in the room. George wants camouflage rooms. Edward pretends he agrees. Geoff says they want it to look like their childhood bedroom. Edward ignores them and says that they're going to keep the basketball game, but disguise it with a folding screen. He also wants to hide the television and fridge with drapes. The boys could not be less interested in what Edward is saying until he says that he's going to set up a bar area. Suddenly, they're very interested. Edward promises to make the boys look awesome, and then they unload the room. It's a lot easier than usual since they can just take everything out the garage door into the driveway.

Hildi shows Lucy and Mary a giant roll of blue "suede." She admits that it's not really suede. It kind of looks like velour. Or not even velour. Velux. Like the blankets you can buy at Target. And don't get me wrong -- I own a couple of those blankets. But I wouldn't want them on my walls. Wouldn't you have to vacuum your walls to get rid of the dust? That's why I disagree with fabric on walls in general. Too difficult to clean. Anyway. Lucy doesn't care that it's not real suede because, being guys, George and Geoff won't know the difference.

Edward reveals the wall paint color. It's gray. Geoff asks, "Who picked this?" Edward asks if they're already giving him grief. It is pretty ugly. And what's up with the gray walls on this show lately? Is gray the new sage green? Or for Laurie, the new yellow?

Hildi starts putting the blue "suede" fabric on the walls. Mary helps her by holding the fabric while Hildi staples. Or nails. Either way, that fabric is pretty permanently on the wall, so no hopes of taking it down and washing it. Or getting a security deposit back.

Edward reveals the accent colors, which are apple green and lime green. Edward says the folding screen will be gray overall, with circles in the two green colors. Seriously, the guys don't care at all.

Mary thinks that they will be making a comfortable apartment for the guys, and that now ladies will really want to come over. Hildi asks if Mary and Lucy will come over now. Mary says that the guys wanted them to come over before, but they wouldn't, because they knew it was a dump.

George starts painting the walls gray, and says there's no way that Lucy will like it. The brothers crack up. Then they relent and say that Lucy will probably like it and that Edward's doing a fine job. That Geoff looks a lot like Ben Affleck, I'm noticing.

Lucy attaches the fabric to the walls and says that she likes the staple gun. She finishes and grins to herself.

Geoff complains that there are cobwebs near the ceiling and it's ruining his paint job. George thinks it looks good. Geoff says that now America will know that Lucy has dirty ceilings. Then he realizes that he shouldn't say too much because there are currently cameras in his apartment too.

MPDP Cam reveals Mary and Lucy sneaking around the boys' apartment. MPDP asks what they think of the place. Lucy says she's happy that it's not the bedroom, and the camera pans down to show how messy the bedroom is. Lucy says that they have good jobs and the boys can afford bed frames. Mary points out all of the crates under the bed, and then says that all of the boys' clothes are down there. Mary thinks it's gross.

Edward shows George the premade curtains he bought. They look like white sailcloth, and then they have huge silver grommets along the edge. Edward says he liked the decorative edge, and adds that they're putting six panels along the wall to hide the television and laundry area. Edward plans to paint a black line along each panel, but at different heights. Each panel will also have green circles.

Hildi explains her project plans to Amy Wynn. She takes a really long time to say that she wants a unit to house the television, like they don't do that on pretty much every episode. Hildi wants to put it right to the door, because it will also create an entryway for the apartment. Amy Wynn clarifies that Hildi wants two floor-to-ceiling doors as well.

Edward uses a sponge to paint a green circle on one of the panels using a stencil. He forces George to go "ooh" and "aah" when he pulls off the stencil.

Hildi tells Amy Wynn that she has one table leg, and she wants Amy Wynn to make a half table to screw into the wall, around which they will put barstools. And she also wants to put their computer on it. So you have to sit at a barstool to use the computer? That sounds comfy.

Hildi finds Edward outside, draping fabric over a couch. She asks how much the fabric cost, and Edward says that it was "a buck fifty" per yard. Edward says he's in "designer crisis mode" because he's running short on yardage. MPDP tries to help him figure out if he has enough fabric to cover both the couch and the loveseat. Edward says that he's already cut out the cushion fronts and backs, which is too bad because they could do the Laurie/Vern trick of covering the unseen side of the cushion with a cheaper fabric.

Lucy wheels one of the boys' bicycles out to Hildi, who explains that they are going to paint the bike and hang it on the wall. You heard me. Paint the bike. Hang it on the wall. I'm totally down with the hang it on the wall part, but painting it? Just the frame, or the whole thing? Lucy is kind of stunned.

MPDP and Edward continue to tuck fabric on the furniture. Edward says that the budget is a little problem right now, because he is over. MPDP is pissed. Edward says he plans to take some things out of the room, and that he's only forty-five dollars over. I wish they would explain why sometimes the designers have to take things back and sometimes they don't.

Mary and Lucy help Hildi spray-paint the bike, but get in a fight over one of the cans of spray paint. Hee! They really do sound like sisters. Unless this whole thing was staged. Hildi gives up her can of paint to stop the fighting.

Edward visits Amy Wynn to discuss his projects. He needs a folding screen, which is basically a bunch of rectangles with circles on top. He also wants to attach conduit pipe to the ceiling, and then hang his curtain panels from it. He shows Amy Wynn the new floor plan, and she squeals about the bar area. She should go hang out with George and Geoff.