Mississippi: Winsmere Way

Shout-out to edemuth.

We're back in Mississippi in Laurie's hometown with the Jackson Five: MPDP, Amy Wynn, Laurie, Hildi, and Hildi's ego. We see Laurie, Hildi, and Amy Wynn sharing food from a plate piled high with French fries and fried chicken. Or maybe it's fish; can't tell. MPDP's hair looks cute; not too wingy. Our first homeowner is Shannon, whose friend Diane will be helping her out. Shannon explains, as Diane looks sad for her, that she first applied to do the show back in the spring; at the time, she was married. Shannon describes getting a nasty shock in June when her husband of eighteen years suddenly left her. We get a shot of two empty chairs from the video editor, apparently trying for the Sven Nykvist Master of Subtlety Award. Wait, she was married for eighteen year? How old was she when she got married -- seventeen? She really doesn't look old enough to have been married for eighteen years. Maybe the bum couldn't take the thought that Hildi might be redecorating his house. (Since he's not here, I feel free to call him a bum.) Shannon explains that Diane was consoling her throughout this trauma and agreed to be her Trading Spaces partner.

Shannon's bedroom has a white tray ceiling with seafoam walls and a sisal-coloured carpet. She's got a bed with no headboard, and it's covered by one of the fugliest bed coverings I've ever seen on this show, in orange, yellow, Pepto-Bismol pink, and brown or black. It's got a border of brightly coloured fruit on a white background. It goes with absolutely nothing else in the room, particularly the wall colour. Shannon has an assortment of interesting vintage furniture (an armoire, a chest of drawers, a trunk, a desk, etc.) mixed with a hodgepodge of decorative items and newer pieces, such as a armchair in slate blue velour and contemporary lamps. There's a TV on a chest of drawers opposite the bed. The bed is between two narrow windows, covered with floor-to-ceiling white curtains. There's also a pair of French doors with a transom window over them, covered with white curtains. There are a lot of different framed pictures all over the walls, and a schmoopy-looking white ceiling fan. Shannon wants to ex-orcise the ghosts of her marriage, and is open to just about anything for the room: she says they can paint the furniture, smash it, whatever. She doesn't want to recognize anything. Yikes. (This makes me think she's getting Hildi for sure.) I hope they don't trash too much of it; Shannon has some interesting pieces with nice lines, and it's probably very solid, well-made stuff. The room mainly needs a good colour scheme and a trained eye to style it and pull it together. Diane says she doesn't want Shannon to have any negative feelings in this room. She wants it to be a positive and uplifting place for Shannon. Shannon wants a new beginning in her room, and for nothing to be the same. She says that the worst possible thing she could see is "framed wedding pictures." The two of them crack up. Don't worry; even Hildi wouldn't do that. But Kia might, so count your blessings.

MPDP informs us that Debbie and "Tom" need a new room of their own. Then she tells us that Debbie wants a room where she can get away from it all, and that Bob has "fallen out of love" with his own decorating scheme in their bedroom. So is the guy's name Bob or Tom? I'm going with Bob, he looks way more like a Bob to me. Bob has apparently lived there eleven years; Debbie has lived there four. One gets the impression that it was decorated by a partner, but no one actually says as much. It's just something I get from the way Debbie says, "It's not my taste," and later refers to Bob's decorating as occurring during a "life -- not mine." The walls are taupe and have a flowery dark blue border up around the very top. I'm beginning to think wallpaper borders are one of the worst things ever inflicted on interior decoration. Actually, it's got more to do with the promotion of the idea that putting a border up on the wall anywhere, by itself, is somehow akin to decorating the wall. With the exception of some children's rooms, and usually only with very expensive, die-cut borders, I've never, ever seen this look good. At the very least, a border should finish off the edge of a wallpapered area, not just be stuck on the wall by itself. Bah. Debbie and Bob have a lovely large (probably king-size) sleigh bed in dark wood along with a matching chest of drawers and vanity table/mirror. The bed is covered linens in a fairly innocuous floral pattern in off-white and burgundy. There are night tables in dark wood, and another chest of drawers in a dark but much more reddish wood tone. The TV is on top of some fairly elaborate console that looks like one of overwrought stereo cabinets from days of yore. The carpet is that same sisal colour as in Shannon's bedroom. There are two medium-size windows on the far wall, covered with miniblinds. There's a godawful ceiling fan with brassy accents and clear glass shades. Debbie wants to see new walls, new window treatments, new bedspread, a place for her TV. She'd like something bright and colourful but for the bedroom also to be a serene, relaxing place. That's a combination I think a lot of people want, but it's not easy to achieve. Bob doesn't have much to say through all this. Debbie: "The worst thing I think I could see would be hay on the walls. Things alive growing on the walls...hay on the wall." Oh, so you've seen this show? And still applied? Well, to each her own.

Key swap. MPDP assures everyone that it's going to be a couple of days of new beginnings, and that it will be really fun. The Hos -- especially Shannon -- seem fairly excited. Shannon radiates that "determined survivor" vibe, but it's kind of appealing.

Laurie greets Debbie and Bob in Shannon's bedroom. I guess his name is Bob. I'm hugely relieved that Shannon's getting Laurie. I know the furniture will probably not be harmed too much, and because of what she's been through, I find myself wanting her to get a really nice room. And frankly, the odds for her are much better with Laurie than Hildi. Debbie says she'd like to see bright colour in the room. Bob: "Just something for a single lady." I'm not exactly clear on what makes a room's dcor specific to a single lady. Laurie says they're bringing some spice into the room, adding, "and by 'spice,' I mean that on many levels." She warns them to get ready, and they start unloading the room.

Shannon and Diane find Hildi (wearing a pair of velvet pants in a beautiful midnight blue colour -- gorgeous, and I want them, but my God, who dresses like this to redecorate?) on the bed, watching herself on TV. I don't recognize the episode, but it's a Frank and Hildi one. My husband freaks out because she's got her boots on and her feet up on the bed. "Get your shoes off the bed! Argh!" He can't bear it when people have their shoes on furniture, bedding, carpeting or rugs. Even if the shoes are really, really clean. When Hildi's team arrives, they clamber onto the bed in their shoes, too, compounding Frink's annoyance. I point out that they're probably trashing the bedding anyway, which soothes him ever so slightly. Hildi asks, "What are we going to do in this boring room?" Diane: "A lot, I hope." Shannon says that the wallpaper's gotta go. Indeed. Hildi says there are a lot of pieces of dark furniture hanging around, and Shannon agrees that it doesn't all go together. Hildi wants to reposition the bed between the windows to give Bob and Debbie more floor space; a new armoire and a new sofa will be put into that space. Hildi proclaims: "When we finish, this room is going to be red-hot and spicy!" Please, don't let that mean that the walls are going to be smeared with Tabasco sauce. And you know that's not all that far-fetched. Hildi's team seems excited about that. They unload the room. I notice that in most shows, MPDP only appears in one room-unloading scene -- probably because they're happening at the same time -- but I wonder how it's decided which one she'll be "helping" in (if twirling, posing, dancing, and mugging are all that helpful). Maybe the designers flip a coin. ["And the loser gets MPDP, which I assume is the end of that sentence." -- Wing Chun]

MPDP brings Laurie's team in for the paint reveal. Laurie's got her paint cans under a drop cloth and makes a production of revealing them, asking for a drum roll. If neither of these colours was yellow (or green or orange), that might be convincing. However, one colour is a very golden, buttered corn-on-the-cob colour (surprise!); the other is...Barney purple? The Frank? Maybe Laurie's trying to fake us out. Though Laurie doesn't seem like much of a joker. There's quite a reaction to these colours from the peanut gallery. MPDP was expecting nutmeg and cinnamon. Laurie describes the colours as "eggplant" and "cumin." First of all, that purple is Barney, not eggplant. Second, cumin seeds are light brown and ground cumin is medium brown. I think she means to call the colour turmeric, which is actually a strong golden yellow. (Schwarzenegger voice: "It's not a cumin.")

Hildi pours out some flat brown paint with a vaguely purplish cast to it. Shannon thinks it's kind of dark for the walls. Hildi asks if they really think she would paint the walls the same colour. Diane says it doesn't seem like the red hot colour they were promised. Hildi says she didn't say "red hot chili pepper." "I said, 'red-hot love.'" The bumper to the commercial is Amy Wynn standing in the carpentry area, looking somewhere off-camera, bopping her head from side-to-side to some unheard melody. For some reason, this cracks my husband up.

Laurie paints some turmeric paint on the wall, and indicates that it will also be put on the soffit, as well as all the ceiling molding. The innermost part of the tray ceiling is going to be eggplant. The baseboard molding and window casing (which Laurie calls "casement") will remain white. I'm really not too sure about this purple.

Some brown paint is rolled onto the wrinkly stucco ceiling of Debbie and Bob's bedroom. Not loving that. It's not the colour I think I would want to see first thing every morning when I open my eyes. I happen to think the colours of the bedroom ceilings and walls are very important for this reason; I think they influence one's mood and experience of waking more than we realize. Hildi asks her team members what colour they would like to see on the walls. They would like to see red, or maybe orange. As Diane and Shannon struggle to paint the high ceiling with extra-long poles, Hildi (taping the ceiling off) wonders how they would feel if they did something with the walls beside painting them. Well, given that they'll probably get more help from Hildi on just about anything other than painting, they'd probably like that. On the other hand: are we talking about hay? Broken glass? Six thousand fake flowers? Hildi tries to get them to guess by giving them hints. Diane mentions fabric, but Shannon says she doesn't think Debbie would like it.

Man alive, that yellow is bright on those walls, and is an especially painful contrast to the seafoam. Debbie loves the colour. Laurie says it will be a perfect backdrop to the dramatic fabric for the headboard. Debbie says that Shannon definitely wanted a headboard. I hope she wanted eight feet of one. Laurie says it will be massive.

Hildi reveals her roll of fabric: it's a very intense, very busy brown-and-white-on-red toile print. Hildi: "It came all the way from Paris!" Diane and Shannon exclaim over how beautiful the fabric is. Hildi wonders why Shannon thinks Debbie wouldn't want material on her walls. Shannon says it's because Debbie wouldn't know what to do with it. Hildi says she hopes she leaves it up. Hildi has a double-wide roll of it, so it will be a lot easier to put up. There's going to be some pattern-matching to do as it is. Hildi holds up the fabric and shimmies around, saying, "See what I mean by red-hot and spicy?"

Laurie discusses her carpentry plans with Amy Wynn. There are two message centres (?), one of which Amy Wynn's already cut. Laurie's doing a headboard that's about eight feet high and four and a half feet wide. The headboard will be upholstered and finished with nailhead trim around the border.

Hildi's ready to start stapling up the fabric. MPDP arrives and seems slightly overwhelmed by the fabric. She notices that they've already got the ceiling painted, and praises them.

Laurie tells Amy Wynn that the only thing she has to assemble in the room is the "chaise lounge." According to some of the posters in the forums, this is apparently a legitimate pronunciation. Personally, I think chaise longue makes a lot more sense, but whatever. I come from a bilingual country. I still think we should send pretty well all the designers on this show to remedial pronunciation classes. Laurie says she's giving her a chaise lounge "because every Southern woman needs a chaise lounge to relax in front of her French doors on the courtyard." I guess us Northern women can go hang. Or make do with our Adirondack chairs. We get a glimpse of Laurie's sketch for said chaise, which looks more like one of those patio loungers than a classic chaise longue. Still, it meets the technical definition. Laurie mentions that apparently Amy Wynn didn't need all the money she'd allotted for the purchase of wood: she used only $66 of the $200 Laurie budgeted. Laurie was thrilled and bought new drapery hardware with the surplus.

Hildi staples fabric; MPDP wonders if she needs a taller ladder. Hildi doesn't really answer her; she's engrossed in stapling. MPDP mentions that the pattern will have to be matched. I think Hildi probably knows that. She talks to Diane and Shannon about covering the first seam with gimp, and agrees with MPDP that getting the pattern lined up will be the hardest part. Hildi: "But I'm an expert at it."

Laurie comes in to find that her team is almost done with painting the yellow. They had just enough paint. Now they still need to do the eggplant.

MPDP stands on a ladder, helping to hold up fabric that doesn't seem to need that much help. Hildi, standing beside her on the floor, gives in to temptation and fires a staple at MPDP's ass. It kind of looks like she put the stapler right on her, but my husband and I both think she fired it from a short distance. Still, I bet it packs a little wallop. MPDP whoops in surprise and rubs her ass. Frankly, she doesn't seem to mind that much. Hildi promises it was accidental (which it utterly wasn't), and asks if it really hit her. MPDP says it didn't go in, but it did hit her. She's all smiles and giggles. That's about as far as I wish to explore this whole thing.

Laurie shows Debbie the fabrics. There's a large-scale paisley for the bed, and striped fabric for the headboard. They're in shades of saffron, dark red, gold, eggplant, and a bit of mossy green. There's also a subtly patterned tone-on-tone golden fabric for the drapes and message boards.

Hildi shows her team how she uses a thin strip of cardboard to fold the fabric over where two sections meet, giving it a nice clean edge and making it much easier to match the repeat of the pattern.

Laurie shows Debbie the fabric for the "infamous chaise lounge," which is a dark coppery gold colour with irregularly shaped splotches on it in dark brown or maybe black; hard to tell. It's got a minimal sheen to it. Laurie points out that there are tiny red flecks in the fabric which will "pop a pillow" on it made of a reddish fabric.

Hildi talks to Amy Wynn about her projects. She describes to Amy Wynn that she's covering the walls with fabric that has an Oriental theme. She mentions that she found a sofa at the Salvation Army for twenty-five dollars, which has some kind of "little Oriental cutouts." Hildi's designed an om-wah that has an "Oriental flair to it."

Laurie instructs Debbie on the sewing of the draperies. There's Hitchcock in the background -- the cream-on-brown one. Actually, I guess it's not enough just to call the pillow Hitchcock, since there are (at least) two of them. The Hitchcocks must be the only pillows on TV with their own thread on Television Without Pity. Laurie's making the draperies the same colour as the walls because she has so many other colours coming in, and she says she didn't want to distract the eye in such a small space.

Hildi shows Amy Wynn a top-view sketch of the om-wah, which has a curved front and gently curved cutaways on each side, which mimic the lines of the sofa. She acknowledges that this is not an easy project. Amy Wynn thinks that it will be cool, and says she can do that. Hildi also wants two simple shadow boxes for some figurines. She says they'll be slightly different shapes. Hildi doesn't have the measurements for those yet because she wanted to talk about them with Amy Wynn.

Paige Cam's on Laurie, and MPDP wants to know what the problem is now and why Laurie seems so sad. Laurie says she has a big problem for 3:00 PM on Day One. She shows MPDP the striped fabric and points to the dark reddish-purple/eggplant stripe in it, saying, "This is what I called 'eggplant.'" She gestures to the Barney purple in the paint tray and says, "That is called 'Disco '70s nightmare,' you know?" Also known as Kia Steave-Dickerson purple. Laurie's going to go get different paint. On the way to commercial, we get to see the ass-stapling again, for those of you who can never get enough of seeing MPDP's butt punctured with something.

The bumper back into the show is Laurie and Debbie making stupid faces. Hildi staples like a madwoman as she and her team discuss the fabric being a departure for Debbie. They think she'll like it, though. I think it might give Bob (Tom, whatever his name is) a heart attack, if his idea of decorating is sticking up a wallpaper border. Hildi says it's "very elegant and also very sophisticated."

Laurie and MPDP are sitting with two of Shannon's side chairs in front of them. They're wooden chairs with cane seats, spindle backs, and a wide panel of ornately carved wood at the top. Very nice-looking chairs. Laurie says they're Shannon's grandmother's chairs, and she didn't want to paint them or do "anything insane that couldn't be...undone." Yeah, wouldn't it be awful if designers came into your home and did stuff like that? Sheesh. Laurie wants them to be against the wall flanking the dresser, and she wants to do something with them. Personally, I don't think they need anything, although they could be dressed up with a small pillow in one of the fabrics if you really wanted to do something. Laurie thinks it would be weave grosgrain ribbon through the spindles of the back. MPDP: "I can't think of anything more fun." The sarcasm seems to be mostly lost on Laurie, who laughs with delight.