By Kim
Former cheftestants Stefan, CJ and Josie are the judges of the first Quickfire, which is to divide into teams of three and make a dish using local shellfish. The least successful team is Eliza, Danyele and Josh, who made an underseasoned, watery chowder. The winning team is Sheldon, Kuniko and John, who made a geoduck sashimi with apples. It seems like Kuniko had the most to do with that dish. Only one of them gets immunity, so they draw knives and immunity goes to John. Throughout this challenge, we also learn that working on a team with Carla is a nightmare. She never stops talking. No, I mean NEVER.
Padma announces that CJ, Stefan and Josie are joining the competition. WHAT? I had no idea this was coming. I love CJ. I also never realized how short Stefan is. Standing with CJ the Giant, Josie and Padma, he looks like a child. The three of them will be a team, since everyone else has to stay in their Quickfire Teams for the Elimination Challenge. Padma tells them about that challenge: each team will plan a dish using regional ingredients and then they will have forty-seven minutes to prep and serve it in the Space Needle restaurant to the judges and Tom Douglas, famous Seattle chef.
Here are the dishes served:
Sheldon, Kuniko and John: chili-oil poached cod with dashi, spot prawn shabu shabu. The judges love pretty much everything about it and have no complaints.
Lizzie, Carla and Chrissy: poached salmon with seasonal vegetables and buerre blanc. The judges note that the salmon's done perfectly, even if it's a little underseasoned, but the sauce has enough flavor to make up for it.
CJ, Josie and Stefan: quail breast with confit spot prawn, cherries and porcini. They changed their dish to quail at the last minute since everyone else was making fish and Josie had to redo the cherries when CJ's first attempt sucked. The judges think that the proteins are overcooked and the cherries are bitter.
Jeffrey, Brooke and Bart: pan roasted halibut, mushrooms, English peas, wheat beer with herb sabayon. The judges are impressed with the sides, but the fish is overcooked and the sauce is bland.
Jen, Micah and Tyler: crispy seared salmon, local vegetables and spot prawn butter sauce. The judges note that there are two nearly identical salmon dishes; luckily for this team, they think the salmon is cooked perfectly and they like the sauce better.
Danyele, Eliza, and Josh: pan roasted cod, mushrooms, fava beans, pickled green apple and garlic scape pistou. Josh is turning out to be kind of a prick, and not just because of his stupid moustache. He's already threatened to fight like three people and has a serious inferiority complex because he's from Oklahoma. The judges think the cod is cooked perfectly, but they wish there was more of the pistou and the apple.
Padma calls the team of John, Kuniko and Sheldon in and tells them they served the best dish of the day. If John doesn't stop wearing his glasses pushed up on his forehead, I don't know what. Either put them on top of your head or in your pocket or, I don't know… wear them like a normal person! Either you need them or you don't, but you look like a dipshit, so cut it out. Anyway, the judges loved the fish in chili oil, so Kuniko gets the win.
The bottom two are the veterans' team and the team of Bart, Jeffrey and Brooke. The veterans flounder around, making excuses, before finally remembering to just take responsibility and shut up. The other team doesn't know that and takes some heat for their overcooked fish and bland sauce. The judges send poor gay Jeffrey home for his overcooked fish and Padma even cries a little. Is she pregnant again? That's an unusual show of emotion from her.
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The cheftestants walk into the Top Chef kitchen for the first time, and Micah interviews that he was giving everyone the look to let them know that he's the top dog. Relax, Micah. Put your dick away. Let's cook something before you get all crazy. Padma enters along with cheftestants Stefan, Josie, and CJ. I looooooove CJ. I grudgingly enjoyed Stefan but it was mostly with Fabio. I don't know how I'll feel about him alone. Anyway, these former cheftestants are the judges for the Quickfire.
For the Quickfire, Padma instructs them to divide into five groups of three. Since they know nothing about one another, this is mostly based on where they happened to be standing. The task is to make a dish highlighting local shellfish in twenty minutes. Josie advises them to figure out who's doing what and fast, so they don't waste time that they could be cooking. John, who is already annoying me with his habit of wearing his glasses up on his forehead like he has an extra pair of eyes up there, starts muttering to his teammates while Padma is still talking, and she totally calls him out on it. Good for you, Padma.
Time starts and everyone scatters like ants on an ant hill that has just been crushed. Not that I'd ever do anything so cruel, but I do have an older brother. Many of the teams are going for geoduck, because it can be prepared quickly. Kristen adds that, "It looks like a penis...a really big one." That is definitely true. And they have to dig around in a pit of mud to get one out, so there's no telling how many are in there. John, Brooke, and Eliza are all digging around in the mud, looking for geoduck, but John seems to get the last one. Eliza grabs razor clams, whatever those are, so now her team has to change strategies.
The only all-woman team is Carla, Lizzie, and Chrissy. Carla is just talking, talking, talking. It's like Lizzie and Chrissy are having one conversation together and Carla is having a whole different conversation all by herself. Josh walks by and is like, "Thank God I'm not on that team." I hear you, brother.
Bart explains that Belgian food is amazing because they've been conquered so many times that their food is an amalgam of all different cultures. Brooke is on Bart's team, and she explains that he's a classic chef, while she is much more rustic, but she's trying to be open to suggestions. Meanwhile, Carla is just running around the kitchen after Lizzie, yelling and screeching. Oh my God, I would kill her.
Kuniko is working with Sheldon and John, and things seem to be going smoothly despite Kuniko's admitted lack of English skills. Padma shows up and tells them that there are five minutes left. And then there are two minutes left and Carla is squawking, "Come on, come on, we've gotta plate guys!" That's helpful. Danyele's team has the furthest to travel to put their dish on the judges' table, and she almost doesn't make it. But she does, so that was kind of lame to make such a big deal about it.
The judges try Bart, Jeffrey, and Brooke's dish first: crawfish with pickled red chili, fennel, and crawfish cream. There's that fennel again. CJ thinks it's old school and Stefan thinks it's cooked well, with a bit too much dill. up: Lizzie, Carla, and Chrissy's oven-roasted crawfish with fennel and herb salad. Again with the fennel. I can't escape it. Lizzie interviews that it's not a great dish, and it's messy. The judges, however, like it, especially Josie.
Micah, Kristen, and Tyler made fried and sashimi geoduck, radish and bok choy salad, and yuzu chili vinaigrette. Josie liked that they did the geoduck two ways, but CJ wishes it was cut a little thinner. is Sheldon, Kuniko, and John's geoduck sashimi, ponzu, apple, and cucumber. CJ loves his thin the sashimi is sliced, and Stefan liked the pine nuts, although he and Padma agree that it needs a hair more salt. And finally, Eliza, Danyele, and Josh made a razor clam and grilled corn chowder with Fresno chili and grilled lime. CJ likes the grilled lime but Stefan thought it needed more seasoning. Josh interviews that Stefan is a dick because he thinks he knows everything. Well, he was brought in as a judge; does Josh want Stefan to say, "I don't know, it seems okay to me but who am I to judge?" Shut it, Josh.
Padma asks Josie for an overall assessment. Josie acknowledges that it was a lot to do in a short amount of time. CJ says that the least successful dish was the chowder made by Eliza, Danyele, and Josh, because it was watery and underseasoned. Eliza knows how the game is played; she interviews that "you can burn something and call it Cajun, you can undercook something and call it mid-rare, but you cannot underseason." So true.
Stefan gets to announce that the team of John, Kuniko, and Sheldon as the winners. But only one of them can get immunity, so they will draw knives. And John gets immunity. Now that he's safe from elimination, will he wear his glasses like a normal person?
Padma has a big announcement to make that comes out of nowhere: Stefan, CJ, and Josie are not just there as judges. They are now going to join the competition. Tyler interviews that he's upset about this turn of events, and Josh turns and mutters to him team that they all suck and he's probably going to get in fights now. Why would that be his first reaction? "Oh, the veterans are back; guess I'll have to fight them." Does that seem bizarre to anyone else? I'm starting to worry about Josh's mental health status. Micah looks at it as a chance to beat the best. Stefan interviews that he lost to Hosea in his season, and everyone he meets tells him that he should have won. Well, obviously. I mean, Hosea.
Padma explains that the Elimination Challenge will be a team challenge, so they'll just stay in their teams. Poor Lizzie probably wants to take a knife to her wrists or Carla's throat. The veterans will form their own team. CJ interviews that he just spent time cooking at a restaurant in Copenhagen that's been voted the best restaurant in the world three times, so he's excited for the judges to taste his food now.
So here's the Elimination Challenge: each team will serve one dish using regional ingredients to the judges plus local legend Tom Douglas at the restaurant on top of the Space Needle. They will have forty-seven minutes to prep and cook their dish; that's how long it takes the Space Needle to rotate once. They now have thirty minutes to shop the pantry.
Padma leaves and the cheftestants race to find their ingredients. Kuniko tells her team that she wants to cook the cod in chili oil. John and Sheldon agree, and John interviews that he's never seen that done before, and he loves that Kuniko is challenging him with her choices. Stefan and CJ decide to do a seafood dish, but to also bring along some quail just in case. Danyele, Eliza, and Josh pick out an enormous fish, but they don't know what it is. They can't figure out if it's monkfish, cod, or salmon, but they decide to take it anyway, and figure it out later. That seems dangerous, especially for the team that just came in last on the Quickfire. Lizzie is really worried about cooking with Carla, based on what went down during the Quickfire, and she doesn't want to embarrass herself in front of Tom Douglas. I like Lizzie; I hope she doesn't get screwed over because Carla is a mess.
The cheftestants leave the kitchen and head to their new apartment, where we learn that Brooke is afraid of heights and not looking forward to cooking in the Space Needle. As they stand around in the kitchen after dinner, Eliza takes a survey of who's married. Jeffrey says he's not married, but he wears a ring that he explains is an engagement ring. Someone says that she (meaning his fiancée) must have said he had to wear a ring if he was going on television, and Jeffrey corrects, "He." And then everyone applauds which is really weird like, "Yay, you're gay!" but I get that they wanted to make it clear that they didn't feel like, "Boo, you're gay." It was still an odd reaction. I blame the wine. Jeffrey interviews that he didn't come out until he was 25, and his dad didn't care, but his mom didn't take it so well, but now they love his fiancé.
Someone asks Josie why she's willing to do this all over again. Someone jokes that she wants to wiiiiiin, and Josie laughingly agrees, and adds that she's grown a lot as a chef since she last appeared in season two. She advises the others that they're all great chefs, and anyone could go home at any time, and you can't rest on your laurels because every day is a new challenge.
The day, the teams head to the Space Needle. Two teams will cook at a time, since the kitchen isn't big enough for everyone to cook together. John, Sheldon and Kuniko are cooking first, and they break up the tasks: Kuniko cooks the fish in chili oil, Sheldon makes dashi, and John makes the vegetables. They all seem to be working well together, although John seems to be the one barking out orders. Lucky for him, his teammates don't mind. If he gets paired with someone a little more alpha later, he's in trouble.
Also cooking first is the ladies' team of Carla, Lizzie, and Chrissy. Carla is being frantic as usual and Lizzie explains that she's just ignoring her, which seems to be working okay. Meanwhile, the veterans' team realizes that everyone else is cooking fish, and maybe they should cook the quail that they grabbed on a whim. They agree to do it. CJ and Stefan seem really into the idea; Josie seems not as psyched, but since she's making the cherry sauce anyway, her task will be the same regardless, I guess.
The judges arrive (Emeril, Padma, Gail, and Tom) and Tom Douglas gives them the lowdown on what's up in Seattle cuisine. Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, John notices that Kuniko's chili oil is too hot, so Sheldon tells her that she needs to start a new pot. Once you've scorched oil, you can't reuse it. Kuniko interviews that sometimes she loses focus, which might not be great in the kitchen, especially with such time constraints. All of the non-cooking cheftestants stand around and marvel at how Carla never shuts up, as the cooking teams begin plating and carry their dishes out for service.
Padma introduces the judges: Tom, Gail, Emeril, and Tom Douglas. Sheldon, Kuniko, and John serve first: chili-oil poached cod with dashi, and spot prawn shabu shabu. Tom likes the smokiness of the dashi, and Tom Douglas comments that the chili is not too hot, which was his concern when he heard how the dish was prepared. The only criticism that Colicchio can muster is that the morels are slightly undercooked, and Gail says that for the first thing she put in her mouth in Seattle, it's not bad. She realizes that didn't sound quite right, but how could she not know as she was saying it? I think she did that on purpose. I like Gail, but I think the Urkel-esque, "Did I say that?" is part of her schtick.
Lizzie, Carla, and Chrissy serve , and Carla proves that she does in fact has an indoor voice as she introduces their food: poached salmon with seasonal vegetables and buerre blanc. After serving their food, Carla is cleaning up her knives in the kitchen and she cuts her hand and runs around yelling, "I cut, I cut, bad cut!" The medic comes by and puts pressure on it; she doesn't seem to need any stitches. Can you imagine if she actually did? The drama? Anyway, the judges eat their food and think that the salmon is cooked perfectly. On first bite, Colicchio points out that the salmon is underseasoned or possibly not seasoned at all, but Padma points out that the buerre blanc is so flavorful that when you eat them together, it all works out. After trying the first two dishes, the judges are impressed with the level of cooking and hope they're in for more like this.
The two teams rush into the kitchen to cook. We've got the Veterans, CJ, Josie, and Stefan, and then Jeffrey, Brooke, and Bart. For the second team, Jeffrey is cooking the fish, Bart is cooking the sauce, and Brooke is cooking the vegetables and garnish. That seems like a good division of labor as long as each person is comfortable with their chosen element. Jeffrey explains that he grew up with military parents, which was tough, but it taught him discipline.
Stefan can barely keep himself from giggling as he explains that the quail breasts are tiny, and he's used to working with bigger breasts, but he's going to make it work. CJ has made a cherry sauce that he pronounces, "not super rad," and Josie concurs, so they have to figure out how to fix it, since it's a main component of their dish. Josie notes that they don't have a ton of cherries left, but says that she'll figure something out.
Jeffrey has cooked the fish and it looks overdone. Brooke notices, but I don't know what you can do once the fish is overcooked; they don't have more fish or time enough to redo it. Isn't that a Victorian poem? Had we but halibut enough and time? Anyway, that will probably be the only Marvell reference you read in a recap this week. Brooke interviews that the halibut was seared on both sides, which isn't the way that she would do it. It's not clear if she told Jeffrey his was bad or not. Both teams plate and garnish and head out to serve. Brooke notes that the height of the building is freaking her out more than serving the judges.
CJ, Josie, and Stefan serve first. Stefan is nervous being in front of the judges; he says that Tom will score a direct hit, and Gail makes him have "shveddy armpits." Their final dish is quail breast with confit spot prawn, cherries, and porcini. Gail doesn't taste enough cherries, and Tom and Emeril think the quail and the prawns are both overcooked. Tom Douglas comments that the judges are really tough, but when the dishes are all pretty good, you have to nitpick.
Jeffrey, Brooke, and Bart made pan roasted halibut, mushrooms, English peas, wheat beer with herb sabayon. The judges single out the garnishes as particularly good. Gail says that her sauce tastes like nutmeg. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. Padma calls her piece of fish "a hockey puck," so it looks like Jeffrey's decision to sear both sides was not a good one.
Weird interstitial. Tom Colicchio tells the tale of how he almost moved to Seattle. Wow, cool story.
The final two teams head into the kitchen to cook. Danyele, Eliza, and Josh realize that their mystery fish is cod. Micah, Kristen, and Tyler seem to be working well together. Micah has a list and he and Kristen go over it together. Josh starts yelling, "Where's my fucking mushrooms?" and almost accusing people of taking his team's ingredients. Then he spots some on a cart that belongs to one of the teams that has already served, so he takes them, and Eliza says that those ARE her mushrooms. I don't know how they ended up on the wrong cart, but I think it's pretty telling that Josh immediately went to, "Someone took them and I need to fuck that person up" instead of "They mistakenly got put on the wrong cart." This is further exemplified in his interview, where he claims that people don't take him seriously because he's from Oklahoma. No, they don't take you seriously because you have a waxed moustache and you're full of bluster for no reason. The two teams plate and serve.
Kristen, Micah, and Tyler made crispy seared salmon, local vegetables and spot prawn butter sauce. Colicchio notes that this is almost the same dish served by Lizzie, Carla, and Chrissy, but they like this one slightly better. Gail thinks the texture of the spot prawn is lost a little bit.
Danyele, Eliza, and Josh serve pan roasted cod, mushrooms, fava beans, pickled green apple, and garlic scape pistou. The judges think the cod is cooked perfectly, but there's not enough pistou. They also like the apple in the dish.
The judges discuss the overall meal. Tom Douglas thinks it's an exciting start to the season, even if there were a few clunkers. Gail notes that there were a few dishes that she definitely wants to eat again. I notice that there don't seem to be any molecular gastronomy nerds this season. I don't miss that.
Stew Room. The three veterans are holding court and telling everyone what to expect. Stefan says it's harder having been there before, because you're constantly second guessing yourself and trying to think of what the judges will say, instead of just cooking your best food. The veterans continue to try to convince the others that being in the Stew Room sucks and the Judges' Table sucks more, but no one seems that interested. Padma walks in and says that she wants to see the team of John, Sheldon, and Kuniko.
Once those three get in front of the judges, Padma congratulates them on winning this challenge. John says that they really collaborated on the dish, and they explain that Kuniko did the fish and Sheldon did the dashi. Emeril wants to know more about the fish poached in chili oil. Kuniko explains that she's never cooked the cod that way before, and Colicchio says that she should do it that way again. John takes credit for the spot prawn, and Gail really liked it. Tom Douglas thought the dish was the essence of Seattle. Since there can only be one winner, Emeril has to pick a winner. He loved the collaboration of the dish, but the cod was really the star, so Kuniko is the winner. She apparently doesn't get a cookbook or cash prize.
When they walk back into the kitchen, the veterans are STILL going on and on about the best way to be in this competition. Their mouths shut up pretty quick when John announces that the Veterans and the team of Jeffrey, Brooke, and Bart need to go see the judges. Once they're gone, Josh starts squeaking about how it's bullshit to say that the veterans don't have an advantage. John points out that they're on the chopping block right now, and Josh just sputters ineffectually. I don't know if I've ever disliked a cheftestant so intensely so quickly.
There is some weird camera work as the two losing teams face the judges, with the camera doing fast zooms. Am I watching a Jackie Chan movie? Anyway, Padma asks Josie why she thinks they are there, and Josie tries to equivocate, finally saying that she thinks their dish may have been missing texture. CJ says that he cooked the veg, and Emeril wants to know who cooked the quail. Stefan says that he did, and Tom asks how he likes it cooked. Stefan says he likes it rare or medium rare. So Tom asks the leading question of why they are on the bottom, since it obviously has to do with the doneness of the quail. Stefan quickly tries to say that the problem was with the dish overall. Finally, Tom says that the quail was overcooked, and Stefan tries to say that the quail was really small but realizes that's a terrible excuse and finally just says he has no excuse and he's sorry. Just say that in the first place! It's not like you can fool the judges into thinking the quail was cooked perfectly.
Moving on to the other team, Bart is surprised to be there. Brooke thinks they had some difficulty coming up with the dish in the first place, because Bart is Mr. Classic Sauce and she is Ms. Rustic. Emeril questions Jeffrey about the fish, and Gail adds that there was a hard sear on both sides and the center was quite dry. Padma thought Bart's sabayon lacked any kind of flavor. Looks like Brooke's in the clear.
The two teams return to the Stew Room and talk about how the judges will ferret out your doubts and weaknesses and pounce on them. Meanwhile, Tom says that they were both good concepts for dishes, but there were cooking issues on both sides. The judges had a lot of problems with the flavorless sabayon, and the fact that Jeffrey overcooked the fish by a factor of about five. On the other side, the judges thought the quail dish was murky and lacked acid, and Stefan has no excuse for overcooking it. Back in the Stew Room, John asks Stefan if he's nervous, and Stefan says that he wants to throw up and CJ adds that it's "super terrifying."
The two teams return to the Judges' Table to find out who's going home. Lots more zooming camera work, and then with little to no preamble, Padma tells Jeffrey to pack his knives and go. Tom tells him that overcooking the fish was a terrible mistake. Padma has tears in her eyes as she apologizes that they won't get to see more of his food. I do feel bad for Jeffrey. I don't think he's a terrible chef. I think he was nervous about the time factor and started his fish too early, which meant it was overcooked. Well, it had to be someone.