By Kim
First of all, I'd like to flip my DVR the double bird for showing it would record the show before it started, claiming to record the show while it was on, and then failing to have the recording show up in the list of recorded shows when it was over. Which meant staying up for the re-airing (God bless Bravo for that). BOOOOOOO, Kim's DVR!
Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about the reunion, shall we? First, we get to hear that Paul still can't believe it happened, and then get a montage of his journey to victory. When Andy Cohen follows up with Sarah, she starts crying (surprise!). He mentions that someone in production told him that Sarah told one of the judges to eff off after she lost, and apparently it was Emeril? And Sarah denies saying it anyway, but based on Tom's reaction, I think she did. But whatever, her dreams were just dashed. I mean, I just told my DVR to eff off. Don't worry, we'll make up eventually.
People cried a lot! And we learned way too much about Sarah's sex life.
Grayson and Chris Hollywood deny dating. Grayson's a brassy broad. I still can't quite believe they let her say "jam out with your clam out." Would they let someone say "rock out with your cock out"? Does Standards and Practices understand what a clam is? Anyway. I'm not offended. I'm just surprised.
The editors put together a parody based on Edward's idea for "Mediocre Chef," where you try to just put out food that's not bad but not good. And it's actually pretty hilarious.
Gail and Tom agree that they were cranky due to the Texas heat, but also because they held these chefs to a higher standard.
Andy asks Ty about his naked photos. Tom can't stop laughing about them. Chris Hollywood loves himself. Ed admits that he was a dick when Sarah got overheated at the BBQ challenge. Chris Moto is growing out his hair for Locks for Love, which is admirable, but he doesn't have to wear it in such stupid ways while he's growing it out.
Of course, Beverly gets her moment to confront her critics. Lindsay and Sarah admit that they've already talked to Bev privately and worked things out, and Sarah specifically has apologized. Beverly tries to take the high road and not single out Heather, but she does say that the "work ethic" comment during Judges' Table hurt her personally and possibly professionally. Heather doesn't think she owes Bev an apology because she's one of those, "I'm just being real!" types. Grayson stands up and says that it was fucked up, and Bev says she's over it anyway.
On the other hand, Heather does my favorite thing someone on a reality show can do: she admits that she said everything they showed, and they didn't manufacture everything, so she has no one to blame but herself, but she's secure in who she is. I don't think she'd be that fun to hang out with, but she's probably good at leading a kitchen if you do what she says, when she says it, and you're not competing with her.
Once the Heather business is out of the way, it's all love and giggles, which is fun to watch but not super memorable. I'll have the details in the full recap.
Andy Cohen is back to host the reunion. I've had to make my peace with my issues with Andy Cohen as reunion host, because it looks like he's going to be doing it for a while. And I will say, I admire his willingness to ask the awkward question most of the time. But I think these reunions are long on the fluff and short on actual information that might be useful or interesting.
Andy welcomes the cheftestants and the judges (Gail, Tom, Padma, Emeril, and "the Hugh-nibrow"). Everyone laughs at Hugh Acheson, but seriously -- why not pluck that brow a bit? You're a big boy now. I knew dudes in high school who shaved their unibrows; how does he get to be well into his adult years and no one pulled him aside and said, "Seriously, it's got to go."
The reunion starts officially with a congratulations to Paul, the winner, who says that it hasn't really sunk in yet, and he felt a huge sense of relief upon winning, as well as a huge sense of accomplishment. He's very cutely nervous. I imagine it's easy to forget you're on camera when you're cooking and competing, but it's tough to forget the cameras in this reunion setting. That leads us to a montage of Paul's "journey." What is this, The Bachelor? Anyway, if you watched this season, you know the basics: Paul was a bit of a ne'er-do-well and started cooking late. And then he was awesome and everyone pretty much knew he was going to win except him. The best part of Paul's story was how he was so happy to finally do something to make his parents proud, since he'd been kind of a fuckup in his youth and how obviously happy his parents were.
Paul reveals that he won a total of $185,000, a trip to Costa Rica and a Prius on the show. Tom says that the finale was incredibly hard to decide, especially since Sarah went so far out of her comfort zone and pulled it off, but Paul's food was more thorough and detailed. Andy tells Sarah that she was very visibly shaken when she lost and they cut to some footage of Sarah practically hyperventilating while talking to the judges after the winner was announced. Sarah gives the PC answer about how you put a lot of yourself into the meal and it was a disappointment.
Then Andy brings out the big guns. Someone in production told him that Sarah told a judge (cut to a shot of Emeril) to "eff off" when she lost. Sarah says she doesn't believe that. Tom pulls a face like, "Um, it happened so why are you denying it?" Andy points out that she was there, so she should know whether it happened or not. Sarah says she did not say that and then adds that she was really emotional that night, and she thinks it's really shitty that they're bringing it up now. And she's totally crying again. Just own it! Just say that you told Emeril to fuck off because you were SO upset, and you're really disappointed in yourself for doing it, and you hope Emeril can forgive you, but you just wanted to win very badly. I think people can understand that. But Sarah's all about placing blame on others and then crying so you pity her. Sigh. Some things never change. And then she starts talking about how much she admires Emeril (who said it was Emeril?) and he really pushed her during the competition. Emeril says that he loves her food and was so impressed by her evolution from the beginning of the competition to the end. I still haven't seen an apology from Sarah, but I guess apologizing would be admitting she said it? I also feel like that sequence was highly edited since she went from denying it to talking openly about her admiration for Emeril.
Andy moves on to a viewer question, which asks if the cheftestants were mad about having to cook their way into a position on the show. Richie says that he loved the idea because he's watching in the past and felt that certain people were just on the show for their personalities, whereas this method proved that people had chops.
Another viewer wonders if Bev is emotionally stable because she cries so much. Beverly laughs and says she's a crier and emotional. This leads us to a montage of people crying. Sarah points to herself and says, "Right here." It starts out with many, many, many shots of Beverly crying. Then Lindsay, Paul, Richie, and Dakota. Then Sarah saying it's ridiculous that Dakota is crying, and then Sarah crying herself (the editors hate Sarah) and saying that quote about how sometimes you cry after great sex. A viewer wants to know about that quote and you know what? I don't want to know about Sarah's sexual practices, thanks. Let's move on.
A viewer points out that Chris Hollywood and Grayson are very flirty on Twitter and wants to know if they're an item. Grayson says they're not and Chris Hollywood is blushing to the tips of his hair. Andy presses them a little bit, but they're both giggling and blushing like crazy.
Grayson was very outspoken. And we get a montage to prove it, including the Little Green Frog song, which I enjoyed. Grayson: crazy lady. Got it.
Apparently, Ed made a joke on one of their road trips about a new show called Mediocre Chefs, which you would win by putting out the most mediocre food. So the editors put together a clip montage with Padma announcing and people talking about their mediocre food and then reacting as if that's awesome, or cooking good food and then reacting as if that's bad. It's really funny but also really eye-opening about how easy it is to manipulate the show through editing, since this was concocted wholesale.
A viewer wants to know why the judges were so hard on the cheftestants this season. They were? Tom thinks they were cranky from the heat. Gail says that they knew the group was talented, and they wanted to challenge them and raise the bar.
Remember Last Chance Kitchen? In case you didn't watch any of it, here's a montage. Andy congratulates Beverly for winning. A viewer points out my biggest problem with this side competition, which happened when Beverly and Nyesha competed. Nyesha was on a huge winning streak and then during her competition with Beverly, Tom made them switch stations halfway through and cook the other person's dish. All of the other competitions had been very straightforward, and it just felt like it was a fix to give Beverly a leg up. Nyesha says that she thought it was fair, but she's just being nice. It was bullshit.
Another viewer wants to know if the other cheftestants thought it was fair that people got another chance after they were eliminated. Keith thinks it was fair and so does Beverly, but Edward laughs that since he was the first person eliminated after Last Chance Kitchen ended. Of course no one is going to say it wasn't fair, especially since Beverly didn't win. At best, it was a nice second chance and, at worst, it was useless. I still think they would have been better off having the person come back halfway through. Let one of the first eliminated people come back.
Andy moves on to talk about Ty-Lor's naked photos. I'm not going to link to them, Google that shit if you need to know. Ty-Lor says they're artistic and not sexual and Padma can't stop laughing. Ty says that they were well before the show and part of his coming out process. Andy wants to know if Ty is a bear. Ugh, this went to a weird place. I mean, there's nothing wrong with bears, but what does this have to do with the show? Ty says he's gay and hairy, so okay? And then Andy asks Ty if Chris Hollywood is in love with himself, and Ty says that he's good looking. Let's look back at Chris Hollywood's journey. He was fat. Now he's not. He likes to primp in the mirror. He's single. The end.
Hey do you remember all those times when people got hurt? Well, here's a montage. There is a LOT of blood. And Sarah went to the hospital for heat stroke. A viewer wants to know why Ed was such a dick when Sarah got overheated. Ed laughs that he was a dick and there's nothing he can say -- he overreacted. THAT'S how you do a reunion, Ed.
Montage of Chris Moto being a freaking weirdo. Padma mentions that he made it into The New York Times for his hair, and it turns out he's growing his hair out for Locks of Love, so I guess I have to stop making fun of him. He still didn't need to wear a bandanna AND a topknot AND sunglasses in his hair though. That was uncalled for. A viewer asks if it's hard to watch themselves, and Lindsay says that she drinks while watching and everything after the Quickfire is a blur.
Well, you knew this part was coming, and Andy says that ninety percent of the questions from viewers had to do with Beverly and the way she was treated. Wow, that's a lot. I guess because it was never resolved on the show. Montage of Beverly's time on the show, both how she was a weirdo, and how mean Lindsay, and Sarah and especially Heather were to her. After the montage, Beverly says that she was thinking there were times that she could have been heard more, but she appreciated that some people had her back. Could that sentence be more passively phrased? Just say that she wishes Heather and/or Sarah and/or Lindsay had listened to her. Part of what makes her so frustrating is that she won't call out people by name. Why not? What will it hurt? They might yell at you?
Tom asks if her family was supportive of her becoming a chef and Bev once again doesn't really answer but you get the vibe that they weren't crazy about her being a chef but since she's female and not male, they didn't really care what she did. She adds that they are proud now.
A viewer asks why the women were so awful to Beverly during Restaurant Wars. Lindsay says that they had gone forty hours without sleep at that point, having come off the BBQ challenge and things kind of went off the rails. I get what she's saying, but she could take some personal responsibility. How hard is it to say, "I was exhausted and frustrated, but I still shouldn't have yelled at Beverly. I am sorry that I did." Why do people not know how to apologize anymore? It's not hard. It's not a sign of weakness.
Andy asks if anyone has apologized to Beverly and Sarah says that she did in Whistler, and Lindsay says that she cleared the air with Beverly too. Beverly says that she appreciated the apology because she didn't feel she was treated fairly at times. She adds that questions about her work ethic crossed the line, especially since this is her livelihood and they were said on national television. Andy asks who said that and Beverly STILL CAN'T SAY IT! Ugh, she's driving me nutty. She just swallows and mutters, "Well, it was said." Also, Heather speak the fuck up and own it. Tom finally has to interrupt and say that Heather questioned Bev's work ethic at Judges' Table and they've never seen someone go after a teammate like that. We get to see the footage again, and Heather says that she didn't intend to throw Beverly under the bus, but she thought Beverly asked too many questions and didn't put forth enough effort. Beverly defends herself (finally) by saying that she wasn't slow in the kitchen. Andy asks Heather if she thinks she owes Beverly an apology for "the work ethic comment" and we go to commercial. The answer is yes she does, by the way. Even if she thinks Beverly is a huge slacker, if Heather is at all concerned about her own image, she should apologize. And a REAL apology, not one of these bullshit, "I'm sorry if you were upset" jobs.
When we return, Heather says that she doesn't owe Beverly an apology because it's how she felt at the time and she was just being honest. That is the worst justification for being a terrible person I've heard. So if she was lying at the time, she would apologize? We are human beings and we make mistakes and we work off incomplete information all of the time. But after the fact, often we reflect or find out more and decide that we made a mistake in the heat of the moment. And the right thing to do is to APOLOGIZE. All Heather has to do is say, "I'm sorry for questioning Beverly's work ethic. It went too far." THE END. Don't mitigate, don't make excuses. And we would all like Heather A LOT BETTER. She is a garbage person. Grayson sticks up for Beverly as usual and says that she thinks Heather crossed a line. Heather claims it's just her opinion. Well Heather, it's my opinion that you are a self-centered ignorant bully. Oh, was that too personal? Well, it's just my opinion. Oh, I don't know you at all and only know some small portion of you as presented by an edited reality show? Well, that's honestly how I felt after watching you, so it must be right, and I don't need to apologize. See how that works? Shut it. I'm not wasting one more minute on this asshole. Grayson says that she would stand up for anyone who was being bullied. Beverly says it was hurtful but she's over it and she's earned people's respect. Gail compliments Beverly for the grace with which she handled the situation.
Other people were mean too! Let's watch a montage. I'm a little uncomfortable with this whole montage because it seems like the point is, "Can you believe these ladies were yelling at people? And cursing?" The guys talked to one another like that all the time and no one gave a shit. Andy points out that Heather, Sarah and Lindsay have taken heat online for their ruthless attitudes, and he wonders if it's how they are in real life. Sarah points out that she has very low turnover on her staff, so the implication is that she can't be an awful person to work with or for, I guess. She adds that sometimes in the kitchen, you have to be direct to get it done. I have zero problem with most of the interactions we saw in the kitchen in the heat of the moment. I know in high-pressure situations, I have been called bossy or even bitchy because I tend to be direct and even snap at people, but the shit gets done. It's the stuff afterwards, the stuff at Judges' Table and in the Stew Room, that bothers me.
Andy asks Heather how she feels and Heather tells him to talk to Ty, since they worked together. Ty says that Heather taught him professionalism and made him an amazing chef and Padma lightens the mood by saying that Heather bullied him into taking naked pictures. Andy asks Heather if she thinks she came off as a bully and Heather finally does the right thing and says that she said everything they showed, so she has to own it. Thank you. Now apologize. Heather adds that she got negative mail and e-mail and phone calls and even a death threat. Oh, girl. That's amateur hour. Crazy people be crazy. I mean, death threats should be taken seriously, but anyone in the public eye doing anything gets lots of negative feedback. Just ignore it and do you.
Andy asks Lindsay how she feels about going after Keith over the cooked shrimp incident. Lindsay says that she didn't even know him and suddenly they had to work together. Andy asks Keith if he took the fall for the shrimp and Keith says that he was actually eliminated for the dish that he cooked himself, and the shrimp was "the fart in the air" that he kept trying to move away from but it kept funking everything up. Everyone has a good laugh because farts are funny.
Montage of people being goofy and having fun, especially on their many road trips since they had to go to a new city every three days. Everyone makes fun of Chuy for his stories about his dad and how he invented everything. Ed flirts with Nyesha. Isn't he married? Sarah admits to her crush on John Besh.
Andy asks if the women had an advantage in Restaurant Wars by going second. Everyone agrees that there was no advantage, because they all bought ingredients together and once you have ingredients, you're fairly locked into your dishes. Paul and Grayson got to cook with the First Lady and Tom talks about how they got to promote healthy eating for kids.
A viewer wants to know Emeril's favorite and least favorite part of judging. Take a guess. I bet you can guess. He hates sending people home and he loves seeing the food. Andy asks Hugh the same question and Hugh says that Top Chef Masters was tough, but this show is grueling and then he says "times it by ten" and I hate when people say "times" instead of "multiply" because I am a terrible snob.
A viewer wants Tom to say if Gail has ever lost her cool, because she seems so nice. This leads into a fake montage put together by a fake organization that intimates that Gail is a garbage person who laughs at the cheftestants and talks about poop. It's pretty funny in a mild way.
Andy brings up the extreme challenges in Whistler, which involved cooking in a gondola, stabbing ice blocks, skiing and shooting targets. Beverly says that she thought that she could use brute strength to break the ice blocks, but it didn't work. Sarah adds that if Paul had lost in the first round, and left Lindsay, Bev, and Sarah to break open the ice blocks, they would have had no food because Paul was the only one who could bust open the blocks.
The Weird Interstitial is a "Would you rather" game. Would Heather rather make out with Bev or only cook Asian food for the rest of her life? Heather would rather make out with Bev. Sarah is asked to choose between Texas and Italy and she pretends like it's a tough choice until Padma deadpans, "Not that hard" so she says, "Italy." Would Chris Hollywood rather be a porn star or an action hero. Who would choose porn star? He doesn't, thankfully. This season's T-shirt is weird and lame and I don't get it. Go check it out on the website.
Judges' Outtakes! If you like bloopers, you'll love the outtakes! My favorite is when Padma points out that lamb's heart looks like labia. Also, Padma tries to start a slow clap and the cheftestants are mystified. That didn't go over. Also, Charlize Theron was flirting back with Tom, but we didn't see that in the episode.
A viewer wants Hugh to tweeze. Thank you! Hugh says he's known for it, so he can't get rid of it now. Yes, he can! Apparently, he's trying to raise money for charity and if he gets $100,000, he will tweeze it on Andy's show.
The final bit is asking who will be Fan Favorite, and everyone says it'll be Chris Hollywood since he's been campaigning hard. And sure enough, he did win. Blah. He was not this fan's favorite. I would've voted for Grayson or Keith probably. Or Paul, but that seems unfair. Anyway, this interminable season has ended! Let us go in peace to love and serve good food, and each other.
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