By Kim
Quickfire Challenge: Make pancakes for guest judge Pee-wee Herman. They don't bother revealing the top three or bottom three, but Ed wins for making a play on the crispy edges of pancakes with some berries. It was definitely the most creative take of the bunch, although Paul's champagne Dippin' Dots were interesting as well.
Elimination Challenge: Make a family-style lunch for Pee-wee Herman and the judges. But they get a bike, a hundred dollars, and a map to the Alamo. They have to figure out where to buy food and where to cook it. This leads to a bizarre segment where the cheftestants have to ride bikes around and beg local restaurateurs to be allowed to cook in their kitchens. It's so weird and pointless. Like if I got eliminated because I was the last one to find a kitchen, I would be hella pissed because this is Top Chef, not Top Amazing Race. Anyway, this is what they served:
Sarah: summer vegetable egg salad with chicken skin vinaigrette. Gail thinks the eggs are cooked perfectly and she loves the vinaigrette, but Tom notes that the eggs have no seasoning.
Grayson: egg, spinach, and gorgonzola stuffed chicken with butternut roasted squash. The judges like the egg in the chicken as well as the butternut squash, but Tom's not sure why she included fresh salad ingredients, because they didn't fit the overall dish.
Lindsay: stuffed zucchini with beef cheeks, rice, and goat cheese. Gail likes the presentation, but Padma thinks there's too much goat cheese and vinaigrette.
Ed: chicken and grits, raw corn, kale salad with red-eye gravy. The judges love the grits but think the chicken is almost undercooked.
Paul: roasted chicken, red curry gastrique, summer salad with basil blossom oil. The judges like the Thai flavors, although Padma wanted more heat. Tom thinks the flavors work together perfectly, though.
The winner is Lindsay, even though the judges seemed to like Paul's dish better while they were eating. It smacks a little bit of, "Paul's totally going to win but we need to make it look like it's not a foregone conclusion." The bottom three are Ed, Grayson, and Sarah, although the judges are quick to say that all of the food was great. Sarah's dish lacked seasoning, Ed's chicken was almost undercooked, and Grayson couldn't decide if she was making a summer dish or a fall dish. Ultimately, the judges eliminate Grayson, and then they tell the remaining cheftestants about Last Chance Kitchen. To be continued?
We open the morning after Chris's elimination. Grayson feels bad because she and Chris were very close. She doesn't mention that her dumb chicken salad idea may have helped him get eliminated. Ed wakes up wearing shorts, a button-down shirt, and a jacket. Did he plan this ahead of time? Did he pass out drunk last night in those clothes? He stumbles into the kitchen explaining that he's all business today. It's a funny visual but I need some backstory. Paul and Lindsay are amused, at least. Lindsay interviews that she wants to make the final four, and that her family wasn't "ecstatic" about her becoming a chef, mostly because very few chefs make much money (not to mention that it's a tough lifestyle). But, she adds that her family has always been supportive. So she's either winning or going home today.
Quickfire Challenge! Padma stands there with a table full of pancakes. Stacks and stacks and stacks of pancakes. She explains that their challenge today will be making the favorite food of the guest judge: pancakes. Grayson supposes it's a kid of a child star "like Miley Cyrus or something." Oh, Grayson. Miley Cyrus is not a child, and she's not so much a star anymore. Your reference is about three years too late. Padma reveals that the guest judge is Pee-wee Herman! He rides in on his bike. Oh, Pee-wee. You kind of make me sad now. And note that the guest is Pee-wee, not Paul Reubens. Like he's clearly losing his hair so he has to comb his hair forward and...ugh. I don't know why this makes me sadder than the competitions with, like, Sesame Street characters as guest judges, but it does. Grayson totally invents a memory of eating pancakes while watching Pee-wee when she was a kid, like how convenient that she remembers that! Anyway, the winner gets $5000, and I'm not even going to report Pee-wee's "jokes" because they all fall flat. His schtick only works if he's in the Playhouse or in Pee-wee's magical world. In the real world, it's all kind of depressing.
Sarah is making confetti cake pancakes. Lindsay also has a memory of eating pancakes while watching Pee-wee. Come on. Ed reports that his favorite part of pancakes are the edges that get crispy, so he's doing "a play on that." In other words, he's burning some batter and calling it a dish. Paul is making champagne Dippin' Dots using liquid nitrogen. Didn't that company just go bankrupt? If only they had been able to hang on until Paul discovered their big thing - alcoholic ice cream of the future! Seriously, I think that could have caught on. Grayson and Lindsay are both using ricotta in their pancakes, but Grayson is making hers look like Minnie Mouse for the whimsy factor. Sarah's sprinkles are dying the batter pink, which is not a great look, so she's worried.
Time is up! Grayson made a ricotta buttermilk pancake with peach compote and basil. She made them look, as mentioned previously, like Minnie Mouse. Pee-wee tastes them, makes weird faces, and then says it's the best pancake he's ever had. Grayson is psyched. Oh, just wait. Sarah made confetti pancakes, blackberry sauce, cocoa nibs, and vanilla whipped cream. That seems really, really sweet. Then again, some people drown their pancakes in maple syrup, which is also sweet. Pee-wee also says they are the best pancakes he's ever had. Lindsay's like, "Aw, it was schtick. Boooo."
Paul made a rolled pancake (which looks like a crepe) with berries, black pepper, and champagne Dippin' Dots. Paul claims it's the first time he's ever made pancakes. Was he raised in a communist country? Who's never made pancakes? Anyway, Pee-wee says they're the best pancakes he's ever had, and Paul's like, "Thanks." I think that compliment is losing some punch at this point.
Lindsay made ricotta pancakes, whipped crème fraiche, marcona almond and anise cookies. That sounds pretty good but also like something you could get for brunch at any urban restaurant. Pee-wee gives his compliment and we move on. Ed explains that he always liked the edges of the pancakes, so he made pancake bits, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, bacon, and bruleed marshmallow. That sounds awesome. I'm glad he included bacon to cut all the sweetness, though. Best pancake, yada yada, and we're done.
Time for judging. Since Pee-wee is not a foodie, he doesn't get to give critiques to the less successful dishes. He just says that he thought one person changed things up and surprised him, and that person is Ed. I can see that, but it's a little annoying that we didn't get to hear ANYTHING about how the food tasted because Pee-wee's "joke" got in the way. I mean, Padma could have said something, right? It's Ed's first Quickfire win, and he hopes he's starting a streak.
Elimination Challenge. They're going back to the Alamo, because that's where Pee-wee went in his movie Pee-wee's Big Adventure. So each cheftestant gets a map to the Alamo, a bike, and a hundred bucks. They have to find their own food and a kitchen in which to cook it, and then deliver their dish to the Alamo for judging. This is dumb. First of all, obviously the kitchens have been set up ahead of time by production. It's not like they are just busting into restaurants and asking to cook there. So that eliminates the only possible interesting part of this, which is that they might not find a place to cook. And then second, I want to see these people cook the best food that they can, and if one of them got eliminated because he or she fell off his or her bike, that would be lame. Let's eliminate the people who can't get creative with their food. Ugh, I hate this whole idea. Stop being stupid, show.
The cheftestants have ten minutes to consult with Pee-wee about his likes and dislikes. Turns out he likes everything and he dislikes nothing. So that was helpful and useful. Glad they showed that. He does mention that he likes chicken and he tries to eat healthy, so he's a human being who's not named Paula Deen. Got it.
The morning, the cheftestants are up at the crack of dawn. They each get a backpack to carry stuff while riding bikes. Ed and Paul crack me up by "practicing" riding bikes to see how the backpacks will work. They basically high step and notice that the backpack is flying all over the place. Ed stomps up and down the stairs and Sarah's like, "What is happening down there?"
The cheftestants walk outside and see five red Schwinn bikes waiting for them. Lindsay doesn't even know how to put her helmet on, and she puts it on backwards. Oh, Lindsay. Then they ride down the middle of the road in formation, which is hilarious. Ed is super into it, which I find a little surprising. He interviews that they decided as a group to go the Farmers' Market (which might be the only place open at 6 AM) but after that, they're on their own. Paul says that he's comfortable on a bike, and rides his bike to work, but he once hit a manhole cover and fell and smashed his face, and now when he drinks, the side of his face turns red. That seems...problematic. I hope he sought medical attention for that.
Once at the Farmers' Market, Paul and Lindsay immediately buy whole chickens. Sarah is trying to find lightweight food, I guess? I'm not sure what food she would make that would make a huge difference, weight-wise. Gravel casserole? Marble cake? Ha ha. Lindsay hopes that the owner of whatever kitchen she ends up cooking in will barter with her for oil and spices and other staples, since those aren't really available at the market. Ed was hoping for shrimp, but none of the vendors are selling it, so he's hoping to buy some from the owner of his kitchen. That seems like a pretty important ingredient to leave to chance. There's no seafood market in the area? I don't know. I feel like there is a lot of information that the cheftestants got about this challenge that we haven't heard about.
Shopping is done, and everyone takes off to find a kitchen. Grayson and Paul are neck and neck, and Paul arrives at the first restaurant first, but Grayson goes to the right door, so Paul's out of luck. I don't know what makes this particular restaurant so desirable; maybe it's closer to the Alamo or maybe it's bigger? Anyway, the rules said that only one person can cook per kitchen, so Paul moves on. Grayson asks the owner if she can cook in there, like it wasn't set up ahead of time. Can we all drop that charade?
Sarah gets lost and has to pull out her map, but she's worried that she's running out of time. Paul finds a kitchen and the owner pretends for a second like he's going to say no, but obviously he says yes. Lindsay finds a kitchen and goes over the pantry with the owner. They don't have everything she needs, so she leaves to find more ingredients and plans to come back. Ed has also found his kitchen; he's in a bed and breakfast. They don't have shrimp, but they do have chicken, and they have grits, so Ed's all set.
Grayson discovers that she's cooking in a Mexican restaurant, so they don't necessarily have the regular ingredients she would use, but she's able to find substitutes. Lindsay stops in to buy ingredients, and Grayson thinks Lindsay is screwed because she hasn't even started cooking yet. Lindsay gets what she can and then heads back to her kitchen.
Except, oops! Sarah has arrived while Lindsay was out so Lindsay has to leave. The owner is willing to let her cook when Sarah is done but obviously there's not enough time. Lindsay has to leave and find another kitchen. Well, she shouldn't have left. She does acknowledge that truth, though. There were obviously five designated kitchens and each cheftestant gets one, and it's first-come, first-served.
Lindsay finally finds a kitchen and sets about defrosting her beef cheeks. Meanwhile, Sarah has to report the ingredients that she takes from the kitchen so that she can pay for them. Some kitchen worker keeps talking to Sarah and asking her questions, which seems like it would be annoying. Ed is cooking away at the bed and breakfast. It's really hot and he has to travel, so he plans to undercook the chicken just a little bit so it doesn't end up overcooking while traveling. Isn't he going to chill it? This whole transport issue is making me nervous about food-borne illness. Then the owner asks Ed to cook a couple of eggs while he's working on his own dish. What the what? Ed has no choice but to say okay, I guess, and the guy serves them to his guests? I guess? Maybe he eats them himself. I don't know.
Grayson is stuffing chicken breasts with spinach and egg yolk. They have an hour until service. Paul is making friends with the guys in his kitchen. He's worried that his sweet and sour sauce might be too sweet, so he's adding in pickles. Lindsay has very little space to cook, and can only use two pots, so she has to prioritize. She reminds the owner to keep her updated on how much money she owes them for ingredients, but she has a limited amount, and doesn't have time to stay and wash dishes to earn money back. Ed is packing up his food with a checklist. The others are also packing up and paying their bills. Grayson has to carry her chicken in her hand because she's worried the egg yolks will break if she puts them in her basket. Once at the Alamo, they will only have fifteen minutes to plate and reheat their food.
Biking, biking, biking. Grayson is riding one-handed and holding the pan of chicken on her hand. And it's hot. And she doesn't have an oven mitt. They all arrive at the Alamo and head into the kitchen (there's a kitchen?) which is weirdly nice. They all start plating and mixing and reheating and whatnot as the judges arrive. It's Tom, Padma, Gail, and Pee-wee. Lindsay's dish didn't turn out, although she doesn't explain why, but she's confident in the flavors. They have five minutes left, and it's being served family style, so they have to put it in one big pan. Paul thinks he's gone too heavy on the sweet and sour sauce, so he adds more pickles, and now he's worried that he's ruined his dish. Time to serve!
Since they're serving family style, all of the cheftestants come out and describe their dishes. Sarah goes first, and presents her summer vegetable egg salad with chicken skin vinaigrette. Grayson made an egg, spinach, and gorgonzola stuffed chicken with butternut roasted squash. Lindsay serves stuffed zucchini with beef cheeks, rice, and goat cheese. Ed serves chicken and grits with raw corn, and kale salad with red-eye gravy. And finally, Paul presents roasted chicken with a red curry gastrique, and summer salad with basil blossom oil.
The cheftestants leave, and the judges dig into Sarah's dish first. Tom comments that he's sure Pee-wee expected a more traditional egg salad, with chopped eggs and mayonnaise. Sarah has made a green salad with eggs on it. Gail thinks the eggs were cooked beautifully, and that her chicken skin vinaigrette is genius. Tom likes the dish, but there's no salt or pepper on the eggs. That is terrible. I eat hard-boiled eggs with the salt shaker in one hand, and then salt each bite. Is that normal?
Onto Lindsay's zucchini boats: Gail likes the presentation. Padma loves the flavor of the vinaigrette (and is more animated about that opinion than she's been about anything all season) but thinks that and the goat cheese are overwhelming the delicate greens. Pee-wee likes the "little boats" (no comment) and thinks the whole dish is very tasty. This is why I hate non-foodie judges. They don't know what they like, and if they dislike something, they don't know why, or can't explain it. It's kind of the same when they have block parties or festivals and show comments from the guests. They're all either, "It was really tasty!" or "I didn't like it." Wow, that's fascinating, except not at all fascinating.
Pee-wee really likes the grits and gravy, although he can't identify some of the flavors (see?). Tom says there's mustard in the sauce. Pee-wee thinks the texture of the chicken is odd, and Tom agrees, saying that it's just on the edge of being undercooked. I know from reading Gail's blog that it's because Ed cooked the chicken in beef tallow; would have been nice if they had mentioned that on the show.
The judges move on to Grayson's stuffed chicken. Gail likes the yolk inside the chicken, and thinks the squash is great. Tom likes the squash and bacon, but doesn't understand the fresh salad addition. It's sort of like a fall dish and a spring dish on the same plate. I get what he's saying; it's like pumpkin and asparagus: both can be delicious, but you wouldn't eat them together. It's why lamb and asparagus goes well together. They're both spring foods. Then there's a dumb joke about runny yolks that doesn't bear repeating.
What about Paul's food? Gail loves the Thai flavors, but Padma thinks it's a little too sweet with not enough heat. Tom disagrees, and says that the use of the pickled vegetables cuts into the sweetness. Pee-wee points out that Paul's plate is emptier than any of the others. Well, he may have just made smaller portions.
Pee-wee says that, overall, he was happy with his lunch. Gail gives a contractually-obligated comment about how cool the challenge was. No, it wasn't cool, Gail. It was dumb. Let's all just pretend it never happened. You know what else I'm going to pretend never happened? Padma trying to say, "I know you are, but what am I?" Padma, don't pretend like you've seen any of Pee-wee's work. What do you think Padma watches on TV? She's probably one of those people who doesn't own a television. Or (and someone actually said this to me in real life) has a small black and white TV that she keeps on a rolling cart in the closet, and only rolls it out to watch shows on PBS once in a while. Don't worry, I immediately punched that person in the face. It's handled.
Weird interstitial. In the Stew Room, Ed tries to climb completely under one of the chairs, unsuccessfully. Hilarity ensures.
In the Stew Room, the cheftestants talk about how sad they are that one of them has to leave. Padma calls all of them in to face the judges, and Grayson jokes that they stand as one, but they leave as four. Once they are in front of the judges, Padma tells them that they did a great job, and Pee-wee thanks them for the delicious lunch. Tom agrees that the food looked amazing, and was so good that it will come down to tiny things to separate the top from the bottom. Gail again tries to pretend like it was a fun challenge. Lindsay relates how she couldn't find a kitchen (like it mattered in the end) and Ed tells the tale of how the bed and breakfast owners put him to work making breakfast. That gets a big laugh.
But let's be serious now. Padma opens with discussion of Paul's Thai chicken salad. Pee-wee likes that they had the option of skin on or skin off (they did?), and Gail loved the pieces of chicken skin. Gail didn't think that the mix of flavors was always right on, because some elements were too sweet, and Padma thought it needed more crunchy texture.
Padma asks Ed if he was happy with his dish, which seems like quite the leading question. Ed says he had to improvise. Tom has a lot of questions about the chicken cooking technique. Ed explains that he poached it in the beef tallow, then tried to cool it so it wouldn't continue cooking during his travels. Poaching chicken breasts really only seems to work if you are then going to use the chicken in something else, like in an enchilada or chicken salad or something. It's a weird way to cook chicken to just serve it plain, because it imparts no flavor and can make for a weird texture. Gail and Tom seem puzzled as to why he chose poaching. Pee-wee really liked the fresh corn in the grits, but thought the chicken texture was odd, and Tom agrees.
Grayson says that Pee-wee claimed that he wanted to eat healthy but he liked "a little spice" so she tried to accomplish that. Gail has nothing but kind words for the squash, both how it was cooked and the flavors. But Gail has questions about the chicken. Grayson says that she took the skin off to make it healthier. Gail points out that she then stuffed it with egg and cheese and topped it with bacon. Yeah, that's not making it healthier. That was dumb. Tom thought that all of the ingredients worked well together, and then there were suddenly tomatoes. Were they just raw tomatoes? Because that does seem weird. Pee-wee points out that her portion sizes were giant, which is a problem that Grayson has had throughout.
Sarah says that she appreciated the absurdity of the challenge. That's a nice way to say that it was ridiculous. Padma compliments how well-seasoned her food was, and Sarah says that the kitchen she used didn't have the spices she was used to, so she's glad to hear it worked out. Tom thinks the eggs were perfectly cooked, but they were underseasoned. Sarah seems surprised to hear that. Gail thinks they could have used a sprinkle of coarse salt.
Tom shares a story with Lindsay about how the first food he ever cooked on his own was stuffed zucchini. Cool story, Tom. Pee-wee liked the "little boat" effect. Gail thought it was delicious, but thought the salad was a bit overdressed and it caused the greens to wilt a little. Lindsay explains that all she had at the kitchen she chose was a giant bag of mixed greens, so she tried to pick out the spinach and other delicate greens, but obviously didn't fully succeed.
Okay, so now that we've heard from everyone, it's time to hear who won. It's Paul, right? Seems like his dish had the fewest criticisms. And the winner is...Lindsay! What? With the wilted greens? Then again, Gail was the only person who seemed to have a problem with that. Lindsay reminds us that this is her first individual win, and she's glad she got at least one before the finals. Padma says that Paul is also safe, but Ed, Grayson, and Sarah are the bottom three. The cheftestants are excused.
Gail thinks that all five chefs are really great, and it's a shame to let one of them go. I hope this isn't a precursor to one of those lame non-elimination eliminations. Pee-wee jokes that all of the dishes needed ketchup. Ha ha, not. That is useful. Stop talking, Pee-wee. I like you. I have fond memories of your show and movies. I think you got a raw deal in the public masturbation case. But stop sullying my food shows with your jokes. It's a bad fit. Anyway, Padma says that she loved Sarah's vegetables and eggs, but they lacked seasoning. Gail notes that seasoning is really critical at this stage in the competition because no one is making huge mistakes. It comes down to the details.
Tom had a bigger problem with Ed's dish because his chicken was borderline undercooked. Pee-wee just didn't like the texture. Gail thinks there are faster, tastier ways to cook chicken. Padma points out that Grayson had giant chicken breasts in her dish, and Tom thinks she made a mistake including both butternut squash and tomatoes. So all three of them made mistakes, but which mistake will send that cheftestant home?
The bottom three come back out and Tom sums up what each cheftestant did wrong. Ed's chicken breast was slightly undercooked. Grayson used a too-big chicken breast but mixed too many ingredients in. Sarah's eggs were underseasoned. Padma announces that Grayson is done. Sarah is all dramatic about it, like she cares. Grayson says that she's proud of her food, and she did her best. She's sad to be eliminated but she's been pushed to try new things and she has no regrets. The final five share a group hug and Grayson leaves.
The final four share a toast and then Padma walks in. Uh oh. That's never good. Padma asks them to come back out to Judges' Table. Once they get out there, Padma congratulates them on making it this far. Tom explains about Last Chance Kitchen, and they watch a short clip of the various competitions without seeing who won each one or who is left. But we know that Grayson and Beverly are the final two, so one of them will be rejoining the competition week. If Beverly gets back in, I will be so mad. I think Last Chance Kitchen was an interesting addition to the show, but I think they should have done it more like Survivor, where someone rejoins the competition about halfway through, and then again at the finals. I guess that would have ruined the element of surprise, but whatever. We'll find out soon whether it's Beverly or Grayson.