Quickfire Challenge: The guest judges are Telly, Cookie Monster, and Elmo from Sesame Street and the challenge is to make the best cookie possible. I mean, it's kind of a joke to have Muppets judging, but there's no immunity involved, so who cares? It's funny and probably a good tension breaker for the cheftestants. Blais ends up in the bottom because he made ice cream instead of a cookie, and Angelo's cookies were too dry. The top two are Dale, who didn't make a cookie so much as he poured a bunch of junk food in a bowl and formed it into cookie shape, and Antonia, who made super chocolate cookies that tasted good but looked, as Elmo noted, "like cow chips." And the winner is Dale! He knows how to make that stoner food.
Elimination Challenge. The cheftestants head to Target and will have three hours in the middle of the night to raid the store and gather what they need to make a dish for a hundred employees. They don't even get to use their own knives. But the winner gets $25,000. Presumably provided by Target. Angelo and Mike help each other out a lot, and Carla spends a ton of time getting her table linens and doesn't leave herself much time to cook. Judges are Padma, Tom, Bourdain, Chef Ming Tsai, and Target's home designer Thomas O'Brien. Hey, I have some of his bed linens. Thanks, dude! I love that duvet cover. Anyway, here are the dishes:
Blais: pork tenderloin with green chilies, apples, braised pork ribs and corn pancakes. The judges agree that it looks terrible but it tastes good.
Dale: rib-eye grilled cheese sandwich and spicy tomato soup. Bourdain jokes that Dale is really good at stoner food and should maybe get a urine test.
Carla: curry apple soup with tomato ginger jam and cucumber apple slaw. The judges are disappointed that there's no protein, and Carla stressed about that but ran out of time.
Antonia: Parmesan eggs on garlic crostini with almond, tomato and apple salad. The judges are impressed that she made a hundred eggs, and it turned out well.
Mike: spicy coconut soup with mushrooms, scallions and lime. Padma really hates it, but she's sour because Mike claimed it was fresh coconut milk and it's not. The others don't hate it as much, but no one seems to love it.
Tiffany: jambalaya with chicken, sausage and shrimp with a summer salad. The judges think it's okay, but not that special.
Angelo: baked potato soup with bacon, sour cream, potato skins, scallions and cheddar cheese. The judges find it too heavy and way too salty.
The top three are Dale, Antonia, and Blais, and the winner is Dale, for making a grilled cheese sandwich with an iron, bless his heart.
The bottom three are Angelo, Carla and Tiffany. I can't believe Mike isn't in there, since Padma found his food inedible. But Carla's food didn't have enough dimension, Angelo's soup was way too salty and rich, and Tiffany used a premade spice mix that she applied too aggressively. And then they send Angelo home. Wow. I didn't see that coming, although Colicchio did say that he found the dish to be inedible, and it was the only one he could say that about. Clearly, everyone thought it was going to be Tiffany, especially Mike. But Angelo was just so uneven emotionally, and it affected his food.
It's time for the Fabio post mortem. Blais loves Fabio, and reminds us that he (Blais) runs a burger restaurant and would have been happy to help Fabio out with the challenge, but apparently Fabio didn't ask. And Carla feels like she won because it was all about peasant food, which is what she does. She even brings up the possibility that a woman could win the title of Top Chef All Star. That would be awesome, if only to blow the minds of the male competitors who don't think a woman can do it. Of course if it does happen, they will have an excuse about why it was bogus. But we will know, readers. We will know.
Back in the fake bar, everyone is drinking tea except for Dale, who might be drinking a Manhattan? It's red, anyway. I do not understand this fake bar. They toast to being the final seven in the competition. Dale realizes that he almost got eliminated, but he vows to keep going until he's the winner. He goes on a rant against parents who tell their kids that winning doesn't matter and everyone's a winner. Okay, Dale. You're a tough guy. We get it. Relax.
The cheftestants arrive in the kitchen for the Quickfire. Padma welcomes them and starts reciting the opening lines from Sesame Street, and then three Muppets pop up and join her: Telly, Elmo, and Cookie Monster. The cheftestants are delighted. And who wouldn't be? I mean, sure, this is supposed to be a serious cooking competition, but you can't help but be charmed by those three. Antonia and Blais both have kids that watch/watched Sesame Street, so they know these characters very well.
Padma starts to introduce the challenge but she can't even get two seconds in without Cookie Monster yelling out "COOKIE COOKIE WHERE COOKIE!" If you haven't yet, check out this video of Padma rehearsing this introduction and getting seriously annoyed with the Muppets. Also, she is terrible at talking to the Muppets without acting like she thinks they might have some sort of disability. I worry about her child. Anyway, Padma finally gets to tell them that the challenge is to make the best cookie possible in forty-five minutes. Elmo asks for a cookie with zucchini or carrots, because he's a little suck-up. Cookie Monster is like, "Yuck. Just make it yummy. Maybe chocolate chippies." I am so right there. I think Dale and Cookie Monster would get along well. He makes stoner food and Cookie Monster acts like a stoner most of the time. Oh yeah, the winner gets $5,000.
Mike admits that he's never made a cookie from scratch. Never? Like not even as a kid? What kind of childhood did he have? I don't know that I know the proportions off the top of my head. Are they allowed to look at the recipes on the package? Probably not. Time starts and everyone runs around in a cooking flurry. Cookie Monster is surprised to see Tiffany weighing her ingredients, and he describes his cooking philosophy (which mirrors my own): "Me just throw stuff in bowl and mix and hope for best."
Tiffany is making a shortbread cookie. Blais is, of course, using liquid nitrogen and he tells Elmo that he's using zucchini. They have a cute scene together. Blais looks like a Muppet. Angelo, like Mike, hasn't really made cookies on his own before. What kind of life are these people living? Do they not eat cookies or only buy them from bakeries or what? That's just sad. The Muppets see Mike knock an orange on the floor and start heckling him, which is awesome. Muppets should always heckle Mike in every challenge. Dale laughs that Mike is someone who eats a lot of cookies, so it's surprising that he's never made them. Oh, SNAPPLE.
Carla explains that she makes cookies all the time as a caterer, and she first made cookies when she was in Girl Scouts. Dale is making a cookie out of potato chips. See? Stoner food. The Muppets start heckling him, and Dale interviews that he knows he's not allowed to curse at them, which sucks. Antonia thinks that Dale is "a cookie cheater" for making a no-bake cookie, since he's just throwing ingredients together and calling it a cookie. Blais is freezing something. Who knows what the hell is going on over there? Cookie Monster is eating the tablecloth. Antonia's chocolate cookies look terrible. They're very flat. There are many reasons that can happen -- old baking powder, ingredients too warm, etc. She explains that they taste great, even if they don't look great. I would wreck one of those cookies, for sure. Everyone plates their cookies and time is up.
Padma and the Muppets head to Antonia's station first. Antonia made dark chocolate cookies with white chocolate chips, fresh caramel glaze and sprinkles. Elmo says he can taste the white chocolate and Telly comments that they are gooey and melty. Look, I know that Elmo didn't REALLY eat the cookie and that it was the guy with his hand up Elmo's ass, but let's just go with it here, okay?
Carla has made a chocolate chip cookie with cinnamon. Cookie Monster likes the texture and Telly says he likes the cinnamon but he thought it was cardamom. Padma gives a lecture about how cinnamon and cardamom grow in the same part of the world and Elmo is like, "Really? [beat] TMI." I don't know why that cracked me up.
Dale is up ; he made pretzel and potato chip shortbread cookies with salted caramel chocolate ganache. Okay, what he really did is crunch up some snacks, bake them with flour and butter so the crumbs stick together, and then brush them with melted chocolate and caramel. It's kind of brilliant but not that complicated. Elmo likes that they are both sweet and salty and Cookie Monster says they are delicious.
Blais confesses that his daughter loves Elmo, and Elmo says hello to her. Blais is thrilled, and he introduces his cookie: ice cream cookie with zucchini, chocolate chips, and mint. Yuck. Cookie Monster asks if that's technically a cookie, and Carla interviews that it's really not a cookie.
Mike made terrible looking cookies: almond and dried cherry cookie with rose petal powdered sugar. They look like chocolate chip cookies that a four-year-old girl sprinkled pink glitter onto. Cookie Monster says it's like "party in me mouth."
Tiffany made a shortbread cookie with lemon zest, rosemary, thyme, and coconut milk. Elmo makes a thyme/time joke and then Padma tells the Muppets that the coconut milk is good for their skin. Cookie Monster asks if it's good for his fur too, since you know, none of the Muppets have visible skin. Good one, Padma.
Angelo made a chocolate chip and Belgian hazelnut cookie with a chocolate-banana milkshake. My husband has been watching this while I recap and he is dying for one of these cookies. We have no cookies in our house and I'm too busy recapping to make any. When they get to this one, he was just like, "YOU ARE KIDDING ME." He loves chocolate and banana together. Anyway, he's suffering. Moving on! Cookie Monster eats the cookie and it goes flying all over the place and Angelo pretends to laugh about it but just looks confused. Does he even know what Cookie Monster is? I'm not sure.
Padma asks the Muppets who needed a little help, which is the nice Sesame Street way of asking who sucked. Cookie Monster says that what Richard made was good, but it wasn't a cookie. And also, Angelo's cookie was a little dry. Cookie Monster says that they had two favorites. The first one was Dale, because they liked the sweet and salty mix, and the second is Antonia, because she was the only one who made her cookies "chewy gooey." That is a good quality for a cookie to have. Telly points out that Antonia's weren't the prettiest cookies and Elmo says that they looked like cow chips. Antonia and Tiffany are like, "Wha??" and Elmo yells out, "COW CHIPS!" Antonia giggles that Elmo just said that her cookies looked like shit. Well, he's not wrong. Finally, the Muppets huddle up and announce that the winner of the Quickfire is Dale. Really? That wasn't really a cookie. Okay. Dale thought it was an amazing win because of the Muppets, and also he wins some money.
Padma introduces the Elimination Challenge: first, it will be worth $25,000, which is more money than they've ever given away in one challenge. They will go to Target in the middle of the night, where they will have three hours to raid the store and gather both equipment and ingredients to make a dish for a hundred Target employees and the judges. Padma delivers a commercial for Target (well, the whole episode is one, but her statement is very much copy for a Target ad), and then tells them to leave their knives at home because they have to get EVERYTHING at Target. Do they sell good knives at Target? Then again, it's not like they are going to be doing much more than chopping so I'm sure it will be fine.
The cheftestants arrive at Target and hop out of their vehicles. It's a huge Target. They all grab carts and start sprinting around the store. Here's what I don't get: it seems like many of them go to the kitchen and appliances section first and start grabbing pans and coffee makers and whatnot. Wouldn't you go to the food section first and see what they had, and then go grab the necessary equipment to make it? I guess they might be worried that someone else will get the last griddle or something, but I'm going to guess that Target has enough to accommodate them, especially one of this size. Tiffany runs around and grabs stuff, including a hat for herself. Does that come out of her budget? Blais says that he had to do four or five hundred-yard-sprints at least, so there's a physicality to this challenge. And don't forget that it's the middle of the night, so they're probably tired too.
Dale talks about how Tiffany hasn't won any challenges but she's still there, and she's starting to annoy him a bit because she's loud and goofy. But he admits that he's concerned about getting enough cooking equipment, and we see him grab three irons. Like for clothes. Antonia talks about how confusing it is to grab everything she might need, and how she is just taking one of everything in case she needs it. That seems like a terrible strategy. I really don't get why they didn't go to the food area first, even if just to spend five minutes touring and seeing what's there.
Mike and Angelo are working together. Well, it kind of seems like Angelo is just doing all of Mike's shopping for him. Mike interviews that they've decided to get one another to the finish line. Mike knows that Angelo was sort of a villain on his season, but he thinks Angelo is a cool guy. Well, that's a ringing endorsement from someone whose opinion I don't trust one bit. Mike thinks Angelo is cool? Now I dislike Angelo.
Everyone starts setting up their tables and equipment, except for Carla. They have slow cookers and small griddles and burners. It's sort of like the type of equipment you'd be allowed to have in your college dorm room. Nothing that gets too hot, and nothing that allows you to cook food that's very exciting. But you can keep shit lukewarm for DAYS. Carla is the only one who hasn't started setting up because she is wandering the aisles looking for linens. Okay, I get wanting your table to look decent, but how about cooking good food? No one cares about the linens. Blais reminds us that they have to cook for a hundred people. There are two hours left, and everyone has at least started prepping, but Carla is still shopping. This doesn't look good.
Antonia and Dale are actually cooking food now. Carla is putting a vase and some baskets into her cart. Blais says that he's the first person to start cooking, because he wants to have time to develop flavor. He's making something blue collar that he thinks people will want to eat at any time of the day, including at 3 AM. Meanwhile, Mike is asking Angelo for a peeler and salt. Why is Angelo suddenly Mike's servant? I would like more explanation about their division of labor on this task. Also, Angelo is wearing shorts with socks pulled up to his knees. What is happening with him? He is losing it.
Antonia is making a soft egg, and that seems dangerous. Eggs need to be cooked at a specific temperature and I don't know that I would trust the mass market heating elements to keep a consistent temperature over an extended period of time. Plus, she has to make a hundred eggs. Risky. Tiffany plans to make something like jambalaya, and she's using a pre-mixed Creole seasoning. Also risky. Those premixed seasonings are usually loaded with sodium. And poor Carla is still wandering the store picking up decorations. There are ninety minutes left and Carla hasn't started cooking. Things are not looking great for our ladies.
Dale, like me, has the college dorm days in mind. I used to make lots of ramen and soup in my college dorm, but Dale apparently made grilled cheese with his iron, since he didn't iron his clothes. So he's making steak grilled cheese sandwiches. He's not REALLY cooking them with an iron though. He's cooking them on a griddle and using the iron to
get a good crust on the outside. Dale interviews that the women have prettied up their tables with tablecloths and whatnot. Really, why did they bother? I mean, if you have time at the end, sure. But are they being judged on it? Then don't spend energy on it.Speaking of which, Carla has finally arrived to set up her table. She explains that she was going to make a salmon cake with soup, but she couldn't find salmon. So she's just making soup. This is why you look at the available food before you decide on your dish. Carla thinks about going to find a protein, but she realizes that she doesn't have enough time. Blais explains that the longer soup sits, the more flavor it develops, so Carla doesn't have much time to get flavor, and that's a problem.
Meanwhile, Mike is still ordering Angelo around. Doesn't Angelo also have a dish to cook? Luckily, Angelo kind of fights back and tells Mike to get his own damn supplies, and even snaps, "I've done everything else for you. You want me to cook the food for you too?" Ooh, girl. You tell him. Mike explains that his dish has changed like three times and now it's just a spicy coconut broth? With no protein? I don't know. Meanwhile, Angelo has barely started cooking. They are all really struggling with this one. Except Dale and his dorm food. And Blais seems okay. Anyway, Angelo is making baked potato soup. He has Mike taste it, and Mike thinks it's too thick and it's missing something. Angelo takes that to mean that it needs more salt, so he adds bacon and salt. Yikes. Antonia thinks it's bullshit that everyone is making soup, because that is a really safe way to play it. Antonia also points out that they are cooking this food in the middle of the night, so they're tired and confused.
Time is running out. Carla mentions that she doesn't know if her soup has had time to develop flavor, and she doesn't know if it's worth $25K, but she thinks her presentation is. Um, you're not being judged on presentation. Like, at all. I don't know how many times I have to mention this. Angelo realizes that his soup is now too salty, and we see him pouring water in to dilute it. That seems like a terrible idea. It's going to dilute the salt, sure, but it's also going to dilute the flavor. How about adding milk or chicken broth or whatever he used for liquid in the first place?
The Target employees roll up and the cheftestants start serving. Dale interviews that he thinks, given the constraints of the challenge, he did pretty well, but he also knows that it's just grilled cheese and tomato soup, so it's not that impressive. The Target employees seem to like the food (I almost typed that they seem to like the soups, since that's what nearly everyone is serving) so far, but what will the judges think?
The judges arrive and they look exhausted. Here's the problem with these overnight challenges: everyone being so tired leads to some low-energy discussions. It's hard for even Bourdain to be witty when he's exhausted. I get that they weren't going to shut down a Target during store hours for this challenge, but maybe they should rethink the whole overnight challenges for season. Have the cheftestants take an hour to raid the store in the middle of the night, then do the cooking, serving, and judging the day or something. I don't know. Be creative.
Blais is first to serve, but before he can begin, Padma introduces the judges: Colicchio, Bourdain, Ming Tsai, owner of Blue Ginger, and Thomas O'Brien, a designer who often works for Target. Blais serves his dish, which is pork tenderloin with green chilies, apples, braised pork ribs, and corn pancakes. Bourdain comments how ugly the dish is, but it tastes good. And that's it.
Dale presents his rib eye grilled cheese sandwich and spicy tomato soup. He explains that he used two irons to give it a nice sear. Ming thinks that's brilliant, and notes that it has a good sear. Bourdain jokes that Dale is really good at stoner food and should maybe get a urine test. Ming says that Dale should consider becoming "an IRON chef." ZING!
Carla knows that her flavors didn't have time to develop, but she has to serve, so she offers up her curry apple soup with tomato ginger jam and cucumber apple slaw. Ming wishes there were a protein, and Padma says that the soup tastes like a sauce, so it needs a protein. So Carla's lack of protein is the biggest problem. No one really mentions the lack of depth of flavor.
Antonia serves Parmesan eggs on garlic crostini with almond, tomato, and apple salad. Bourdain thinks it's ballsy to cook eggs when she has to make a hundred of them, and the other judges like the flavors, especially since it's almost their breakfast time.
Mike is up to present his spicy coconut soup with mushrooms, scallions, and lime. Mike claims that he used fresh coconut milk and Padma bitchily asks him, "You found fresh coconuts here?" Mike says he didn't and Padma snarks, "Then it's not fresh coconut milk." Wow. Padma needs a nap. She eats one spoonful and says it was enough for her. Tom and Ming both like it well enough.
Tiffany and her new hat serve up jambalaya with chicken, sausage and shrimp with a summer salad. Bourdain isn't crazy about it, and the texture of the chicken was off. Colicchio thinks it's just okay, and Thomas O'Brien adds that there's something not special about it.
Angelo prepares to serve his baked potato soup with bacon, sour cream, potato skins, scallions, and cheddar cheese. Mike gives him a little pep talk as he pours the soup into bowls. I'd like to note that the judges are being served at their table, not buffet style, so the presentation of the cheftestants' tables mattered not one bit. Carla. Anyway, Angelo brings his food over and gives it to the judges. Ming says that it's overloaded with salt, and Bourdain comments that it's also too heavy.
The judges look exhausted as they give an overview of what they ate. Colicchio says that some did well but some didn't, and they saw a lot of soups. After the judges leave, the cheftestants get ready to take off as well. They all mention how tired they are, and Tiffany interviews that she's really nervous about this particular elimination.
Weird interstitial. Carla, Tiffany, and Antonia use their tiny stuffed Target dogs to put on a play. They are punchy to the nth degree. And terrible at puppet shows, as it devolves into hitting each other with their stuffed animals, sort of.
It's just after 6:00 AM and the cheftestants are only now heading into the Stew Room. Do you see why this overnight thing is dumb? I get that, from a production standpoint, tired people are more emotional and more likely to either cry or fight, but they're also more likely to stare blankly into space and be depressing. What's wrong with a good old-fashioned drinking binge?
Padma comes in and asks to see Dale, Antonia, and Blais. Padma tells them that they are the top three. Bourdain asks how it was. Blais says it was tough to shop for all the equipment and sprint around the store. Ming likes that Blais cooked his protein two different ways, which was ambitious. Bourdain praises Antonia's runny eggs, and we have heard about his love for runny eggs a few times already this season. He admits that it could have gone horribly wrong, but didn't. And finally, Bourdain has kind words for Dale's normal meal created via crazy methods. So who's the winner of the $25,000? It is... Dale! Well, he's back in the running after having a few weeks off. Dale interviews that he can't believe he won that money with grilled cheese, soup, and an iron.
The cheftestants head back into the Stew Room. Everyone congratulates Dale, and he sends back Carla, Tiffany, and Angelo. So Mike is the only one who didn't have to face the judges as part of either group. Carla talks about what was wrong with her soup: it never came up to a boil (really?) and the flavors didn't meld. Colicchio agrees that it wasn't very interesting, and Bourdain says that it needed protein. Ming agrees that the soup would have been a great sauce for salmon or chicken. Carla, to her credit, doesn't go into a whole song and dance about how she was going to make a protein but then ran out of time. She just nods and accepts the critique.
Angelo starts babbling about how he tried to deconstruct a baked potato. Is he aware that every chain restaurant with bric-a-brac on the walls serves that exact baked potato soup? Anyway, Angelo feels like his soup wasn't balanced but Bourdain interrupts to say that it was way too salty and Colicchio says that he could only eat a spoonful. Padma thinks it was too rich, and she wouldn't have been able to eat a whole bowl. Bourdain wonders if Angelo even tried it, and Angelo claims that he did but he thinks maybe his palate was fatigued. I hate when my palate gets fatigued. Then I need that palate cocaine to jump start it.
What about Tiffany? She explains that she was trying to recreate a dish her mother makes, and she knew it wasn't a true jambalaya. Bourdain asks about the spices and Tiffany admits that she used a prepared spice mix. Bourdain says that was the problem with her dish. Colicchio thinks it would have been better to avoid any dried spices at all and leave it natural.
Padma weirdly asks if any of them have anything to say before the decision is rendered. Does she do that every week and they don't show it? Poor Tiffany is exhausted and she starts crying and going on about how she's from a small town and she used her dreams to get out and then she starts singing the Laverne and Shirley theme song and Carla sings back ups. Okay, that last part didn't happen, but wouldn't it have been awesome if it had? Anyway, Tiffany very obviously thinks that she's the one going home and she doesn't beg them to keep her, but just tries to let them know how much she has appreciated the opportunity. Padma says bloodlessly that it's not an easy decision ahead of them.
Back in the Stew Room, Tiffany admits that she cried and then says that the judges thought her food was too aggressively seasoned. Angelo and Mike shake hands and Angelo wonders why mike is congratulating him for going home. Mike thinks that's impossible, and Angelo says that he doesn't think the judges can get past over-salting.
The judges discuss the three dishes. Bourdain calls Carla's soup "meek" and "watered down" and Colicchio says that she made too much of the soup and the flavors weren't strong enough, and needed a protein. In talking about Tiffany's jambalaya, Bourdain wonders why anyone would use a prepared spice mix, and Colicchio points out that sometimes we grow up with these kinds of foods and we like them, but it doesn't mean they are good. That's a great point. I think we all have that dish that our mom or grandma used to make that is total comfort food, but we know it's terrible. For me, it's Stove Top Stuffing, definitely. But I wouldn't cook Stove Top for a cooking competition. That's the difference. Moving on to talk about Angelo's soup, Padma and Colicchio both call it inedible. Ming doesn't think a fatigued palate explains it. Bourdain thinks Angelo is off his game tonight, and Colicchio points out that it was an easy fix if only Angelo had noticed it.
The three cheftestants are called back and Colicchio reminds them what went wrong. Carla made too much soup and the flavors didn't develop. Tiffany made an incomplete rice dish. Angelo's food was way too salty. So which sin is the worst one? Padma tells Angelo to pack his knives and go. Aw. Weird old Angelo. He seems exhausted. I don't know how much of a break he got between seasons. Tiffany is astounded. She clearly thought she was going. Angelo is very gracious, and in his exit interview, he admits that he's really fried from the competition and he's off his game. They walk back to the Stew Room and Mike does the best imitation of a jilted lover I've ever seen. Here's his reaction to finding out Angelo is leaving: "WHAT? [Disbelieving stare] YOU? [Lost puppy look]" It's like a master acting class, except he's not acting. Tiffany is watching him like, "Okay, I thought I was going home but at least now I know how little you think of my food." Anyway, goodbye goofy Angelo. You were a total weirdo.
Read up on who's who among the All-Stars, discuss the episode in our forums, then join our vloggers in saying good-bye to Fabio, below!
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