By Kim
Quickfire Challenge, as judged by Southwestern chef Tim Love: Create a dish using the Viewers' Choice ingredient, which is cactus. The winner gets $15K, but no one gets immunity. Many of the chefs are stumped by the cactus thing, and either try to hide it or make something really slimy. The top three are Laurine, Mike I., and Mattin, and the last two actually used the cactus as a main ingredient. The winner is Mike I., because Tim feels like he showcased the cactus. He's also just about the only one who had worked with cactus before, so it seems kind of unfair. Or maybe I just hate him.
Elimination Challenge: Prepare a high-end lunch for Chef Love and two dozen cowboys on a ranch. The cheftestants have to shop without knowing what equipment they'll have available. When they arrive to camp out, they find that they'll be sleeping in teepees and cooking on fire pits in the ground. Some of the cheftestants totally cop out and make ceviche so they don't even have to grill anything.
The judges decide that Ashley (!), Laurine (!!) and the brothers Volt made the best dishes. The winner is Bryan Volt for his dish:
The bottom three are Robin, Ron and Mattin. The shrimp in Robin's drunken shrimp Romaine salad wasn't cooked, and her salad was soggy. Mattin had chunks of uncooked cod in his ceviche three ways dish, and he made the judges sick. Ron's coconut mojito was really bad, even though his lime-coconut ceviche was okay. In the end, Mattin is told to pack his knives and go, because while Robin's dish was bad, too, she knew it was bad and acknowledges it, while Mattin didn't even realize he was serving raw fish.
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It's morning in Vegas. The tourists are stumbling around on the Strip as the porn handbill purveyors shove papers in their hands. Eli, Mike I. and the Brothers Volt hang out by the pool. Eli asks if they change their dishes based on who the judge is, and Mike V. says he might change it based on the challenge. He goes on to interview that he thinks Hector left too early, and meanwhile Robin is still there. He thinks the cream of the crop of those that are left are Mike I. (ew, really?), Bryan, and himself. No Jen? I'm so disappointed in you! And what about Kevin?
Mattin interviews that he was on the bottom in the last elimination challenge, and it was embarrassing because he's French and it was a French challenge. Then again, he grew up in the Basque region, which is kind of more Spanish than French. He explains that he has his own restaurant, so he knows he can cook, but he just needs to show that to the judges.
Ashley's brother had a baby! Well, presumably the brother didn't have the baby, but you know what I mean. So Ashley wants to call. And just like every season when someone calls home, there are copious tears. But in more exciting news, Ashley took a shower! And her hair is wet, so presumably she washed it. Ashley explains that she always competed with her brothers growing up.
The cheftestants head to the kitchen for the Quickfire Challenge. Padma and Tim Love greet them. Man, recapping Masters is really helping me remember the various guest judges this time around. Anyway, Tim Love cooks traditional Southwestern food in a fine dining setting, and his restaurant is in Fort Worth. Then in a really obvious voice-over added later, Padma explains that the fans voted on what ingredient they wanted the chefs to use, and the dang viewers voted for cactus. Over kangaroo and rattlesnake! So they have forty-five minutes to "make something succulent with these succulents," and the winner gets $15,000 but not immunity.
Mike I. has, of course, worked with cactus before. He explains that cactus is gooey, and the best way to draw out the liquid is to cure it in salt before preparing your dish. He is, apparently, the only one who knows this trick, as the other cheftestants seem to be doing a lot of blotting and dicing and grilling. Mattin decides to pair cactus with tequila, since they seem to go well together. Robin totally wipes out running around a corner but the camera misses it. Boo. Invisible Laurine, who's not so invisible lately, has decided to stop comparing herself to everyone else and just cook her own food. Ash wants to make a sope, since he thinks cactus will pair well with Latin flavors. The only problem is there's no tortilla press, so the bread doesn't end up as thin as he wants. Ron interviews that cactus in Haiti is poisonous, so they don't cook it, but he's going to put the cactus in a sauce. Everyone starts plating, with lots of schmears of purees, as usual. And... time!
Laurine presents her dish first, a cactus salsa with achiote glazed pork chop. Kevin made pork tenderloin with cactus marmalade, and Tim Love pronounces it, "a little slimy, but good." Mike V. made an avocado roll with cactus coconut ceviche and red cactus coulis. It's certainly colorful. Ashley made cactus jelly donuts with orange crème anglaise. Tim Love compliments the donut. I thought maybe Ashley made donuts before, but it turns out that was Laurine.
Mike I. made cactus and tuna ceviche with pipian. Tim says he's not crazy about the relish but the rest of the plate is nice. Ron made chipotle swordfish with cactus sauce and mango papaya crab salad. Padma says kind of bitchily, "Where's... the cactus?" and Ron says that it's in the sauce. Tim Love just asks if he had fun cooking it. Bryan made halibut and cactus ceviche with tempura cactus. Tim asks if he's cooked cactus before and Bryan admits that he hasn't. Tim has a funny look on his face as he tests most of the food; I imagine these dishes aren't great due to the chefs' inexperience.
Ash made cactus "grilled cheese." It was supposed to use tortillas but instead ended up this weird chunk of "bread." Ash knows it sucks and Tim Love gives him a hilarious look and a nod. Ash interviews that Tim Love looked pissed that he had to eat that crappy food. Jen made warm chorizo and cactus salad with queso fresco. Mattin made breaded cactus, halibut with tequila pickled cactus, and red cactus puree. Tim Love likes tequila!
So now that all the dishes have been sampled, Tim Love is set to reveal his least favorites. He didn't like Ash's dish; it didn't taste like cactus and the too-thick tortilla dried out his mouth. Michael Volt (who looks shocked that he was chosen) had a dish that seemed like "two trains coming together" and it didn't work. And Ron's fish was overcooked and his crab tasted rancid. Yikes! I just realized we never even saw Robin's dish. Must have been boring.
Who's on top? Laurine made a nice dish, Mike I. was the only one that prepared the cactus properly, and Mattin used tequila and showcased the cactus itself instead of making it an afterthought. Tim explains that the winner is Mike I. because he showcased the cactus and prepared it properly. So, kind of a low bar to get over and mostly luck that he had worked with cactus before. Mike Volt interviews that he thought Mike I. deserved to win, and then bitches that he'd rather be able to put together good flavors than prepare cactus correctly Me-ow! I dig how honest he is in his interviews, though.
Padma explains the Elimination Challenge: they will be preparing lunch for two dozen cowboys on a ranch with "rustic" accommodations and equipment, but they won't know how rustic until they get there. And their food is supposed to be high-end, so I guess that means no chili or hot dogs? Ash is frustrated by the lack of information, but he feels like it might level the playing field. Padma explains that they'll be staying overnight on the ranch tonight and will have an hour and fifteen minutes to cook tomorrow. Tim Love gives them a little speech about how being outdoors doesn't mean they need to compromise their food.
And they're off to shop! Ashley figures out that the odds are that there might be a grill but probably not a traditional kitchen. Laurine explains that, as a caterer, she's used to cooking and prepping in non-kitchen venues. Eli interviews that he was going to make potato chips until he realized that a fryer probably won't be available. Mike Volt is reeling a little bit after being in the bottom on the Quickfire, and he's hoping to make something cool and refreshing since they'll be in the middle of the desert. Not to mention that they don't know about refrigeration or anything.
The cheftestants are driven out to the ranch. If you've ever been in Nevada outside of Vegas, you know what they're facing: desert. Lots of it. And really hot. They pull into the ranch and moan and groan when they see their accommodations - teepees. Eli (I think) wonders if Padma is sleeping in a teepee, too. Ha! Hardly. The cheftestants schlep their food out to the "kitchen," which consists of four firepits in the ground, some cookware, and a chuck wagon filled with very few pantry staples. I spot kosher salt, vegetable oil, balsamic vinegar, flour, brown sugar, molasses, white sugar, and a few other items. There's also a lean-to with some prep tables. Robin interviews that she grew up in Idaho and once spent a month in the woods. Why? For what? I feel like that deserves a follow-up. She's only 43, but I keep thinking of Robin as a child of the '60s, like someone who was 20 in 1967. She's got that vibe.
The cheftestants figure out their sleeping arrangements. Mike Volt discovers that there's an outhouse, and Ashley interviews that she grew up poor and rural, so she's kind of used to these conditions. Who knew so many chefs grew up in the boonies? Eli, on the other hand, did not grow up in rural conditions, and he wants to sleep in the car. As everyone else applies sunscreen, Ron attacks a tree and puts limbs in front of his tent, which Ash explains is a voodoo thing to keep snakes away. Then we get the obligatory clip that we get every week where one of the Volt brothers talks about how they're brothers but they're also competitors. And Mike Volt seems a little down about the conditions and the challenge overall. Buck up, little camper.
That night, the cheftestants sit around a campfire and talk about what animals might be out there in the desert, like mountain lions or bears. I doubt there are a lot of bears in the desert. They like the mountains and forests, I think. And they're making s'mores! Which is somehow cute. Everyone goes to bed early, and it looks really windy as they make jokes about various horror movies.
The morning, the cheftestants prepare for their work. Eli makes a bunch of cracks about how hot and dry it is. Apparently, they kept their ingredients in coolers overnight? Unless there was a building with a fridge nearby and the coolers are just being used for transport. Either way, if I were cooking any kind of seafood, I would be nervous. Time starts, and people scramble to get places on a firepit. Ashley interviews that it's tough to control temperature over an open flame and Robin interviews that everyone is falling over one another.
Mattin explains that he's making a ceviche, which means that he gets to avoid the crush at the firepits, since the seafood is "cooked" by the acidity of the lemon. Yeah, and then uncooked seafood gets to sit around until the judges get around to tasting it. Ron is also making a ceviche, as well as a mojito to go with it. He has some trouble cutting the coconuts and asks if anyone has a sword. Yes, I'm so sure that your fellow cheftestants have a sword lying around. I would think he was joking, except he asks multiple times and even wanders around looking for a sword. Shocker: no one has one. Mike V. interviews that he's not going to change the way he cooks for who's eating it, answering Eli's question in the opener. And I think that's fine, but he should take into consideration the challenge, and what the judges want. For this one, they want a high-end version of ranch food.
Laurine worries that she's the only one at the firepit, and says that she has cooked on a ranch before. Were all these people recruited from Wyoming or something? She interviews that ceviches don't seem like ranch food to her. Robin is making drunken prawns, since she figured everyone else would do pork or beef. She's making a romaine salad, which she thinks will be hearty enough for the cowboys. Bryan is making pork loin, and it amuses me that he pronounces dandelion as "dandy-lion" like a kindergartner. It's endearing. Ashley notes that it's not just hot out, but they are all leaning over an open flame to cook. With three minutes left, everyone starts plating their food.
Padma rings a triangle to call time, and the ranchers come in. Some of them look like actual ranchers, but some of them look like PAs who bought a western shirt and a cowboy hat and tried to mix in. Ash interviews that he thinks he could be a rancher because he likes to walk around and look at cows and maybe lasso things. I love that he thinks that's all a rancher does. Oh, Ash.
Mike I. is first to serve his pork gyro with apple and fennel tzatziki. Greek again. And his tzatziki looks watery. Eli made a tuna sandwich with sun-dried tomato mayonnaise and radish salad. How are those two dishes high-end? I feel like I could get them at Panera Bread. Laurine made a sautéed Arctic char with tomatillo salsa, corn salsa and grilled potato. Her dish looks really good, especially the salsas, although the corn looks a little light. I don't know what time of year this was filmed, but I'm guessing corn wasn't in season.
The judges test out those three dishes first. They agree that Mike I. has done Greek a million times, and his dish is competent but boring. The cowboys agree that it was boring. The judges think Laurine's dish is flavorful, especially the grilled baked potato. The judges are not impressed with Eli's sandwich, and one of the cowboys comments that the fish was good but the bread was hard so the sandwich was kind of inedible. Padma adds that the radish salad was bland.
On to the group! Ash made a bourbon-glazed grilled chicken paillard with corn succotash. Mattin made ceviche three ways: salmon with apple, spicy tuna, and cod with corn. Robin made grilled romaine salad with drunken prawns and spicy chicken sausage. Her plate does not look good. There's some sort of liquid all over the plate and it's drowning the romaine and making it soggy.
Padma suggests trying Mattin's ceviche first. Tom urges Tim to go first, and he says that the cod is fishy. Whatever Tom puts in his mouth, he immediately looks kind of pale and walks away and spits the food out, explaining that it was raw. Meanwhile, Mattin is interviewing that he thinks his dish was awesome. Robin's shrimp is up , and they all complain that the shrimp is way too salty. Robin interviews that she didn't taste her shrimp before sending it out, which was a mistake. After those two horror shows, Ash's chicken seems pretty good, although Gail points out that she can taste a lot of bacon grease.
Bryan made roasted pork loin, corn polenta, "dandy-lion" greens, and rutabaga. Jen made snapper with duck confit, daikon, carrot and tomato water salad. I still don't get tomato water. I remember saying this in past seasons. Basically, you puree tomatoes and then drain them in cheesecloth, and the water that comes out -- that's tomato water. Weird. Ashley made seared halibut with avocado mousse, bacon, tomato and braised romaine. She was inspired by a BLT.
The judges try Bryan's plate first, and they're very impressed. Gail says she would feel confident camping with him. Gail! You are a married woman! Colicchio adds that it proves you can put together a nice plate under difficult circumstances. They like Jen's slaw, and think her dish is perfectly cooked, even if it's a little routine. Tim likes Ashley's avocado, and Gail adds that it's the best thing that Ashley's cooked for them so far. Nice to have her do well, since she's struggled at times and gotten stuck with bad partners. I really think the secret ingredient is that she washed her hair, though.
The judges approach the final table. Ron made coconut, lime and mango ceviche, along with a coconut Haitian mojito. I'm not sure why he made a cocktail, especially since he's serving it in half a coconut and it just looks weird. Kevin made roasted duck breast with mole and tequila-marinated watermelon. Mike V. made dashi with miso and mirin-cured black cod and watermelon. Doesn't seem very ranch-y, but neither does duck nor ceviche, so I guess he's good.
The judges start with Ron's ceviche. Tim thinks it's the best ceviche of the day, but Padma thinks the cocktail is disgusting. Gail is in love with Mike V.'s dish, and Tim likes it but thinks it's unexpected. Not sure if that is good or bad. Padma loves the presentation of Kevin's dish, and Gail says that the duck is beautifully cooked. Padma thinks they should all get out of the heat. The cheftestants pack up and head out, mock-arguing over who's going to get the first shower.
Weird interstitial (that somehow nearly always features Kevin). There's a horseshoe pit at the ranch, and it turns out Kevin is like a championship horseshoe player. Of course he is.
Judges' Table. The cheftestants sit in the Stew Room and look exhausted. Mike I. and Ashley bring up how they smelled bad seafood in one of the coolers but they don't know to whom it belonged, and no one claims it. Padma strolls in and calls the brothers Volt, Laurine, and Ashley in for judging. Padma immediately tells them that they are the tops this week, and Ashley is thrilled since she has tended to be on the bottom. Colicchio tells Ashley that this was her strongest dish to date. Gail tells Bryan that his dish was restaurant-quality but also perfect for outdoors. Tim tells Laurine that she used the grill well to add flavor to her dish. Mike V. says that he used fine dining in a non-traditional environment, and Colicchio says that he did it well. Tim Love thinks all of the dishes were good, and the cowboys agreed, but Bryan's dish was best suited to the challenge. Bryan interviews that this is the third elimination challenge that he's won, and laughs a little about how much he's beaten his brother. They really are the team to beat.
Ashley sends out Robin, Ron and Mattin. Robin goes first and tries to explain her formation of the idea of her dish but Tim Love points out that what she served sounds nothing like what she's describing, which shuts her up pretty quick. Gail explains that the shrimp was inedible. Colicchio thinks she might have had some good elements, but they didn't come together. Robin agrees that she's not surprised to be in the bottom, because it wasn't her strongest dish.
The judges move on to talk to Mattin, who says that he's surprised to be there. Colicchio has to break the news that there were chunks of uncooked cod in there. Seriously, how could he not know that? How can you not have quality control on the dish that goes to the judges? Tim Love piles on and says that he's feeling sick from the bad fish.
They tell Ron that his ceviche was good, although it was a little too sweet. Colicchio says that the real problem was the stupid cocktail that tasted terrible and made no sense. Ron admits that he doesn't drink. So why make a cocktail? It's not like ranches are known for their cocktails. Ron says he didn't want to waste the coconut. The judges agree that if he had just served the ceviche with no cocktail, he probably wouldn't be in the bottom three.
The judges dismiss the cheftestants for discussion. Gail says that Ron's actual dish was not bad, but the drink and presentation were horrible. Padma asks whether Mattin or Robin had the worst dish. Robin's salad was "a soggy mess," and her shrimp tasted salty and weird. Gail notes that Robin knew her dish was bad, and yet she didn't pull the shrimp or anything. Tim says that she threw some extra bacon on there, but it wasn't enough to save the dish. They move on to discuss Mattin. They can't believe that he thought his dish was awesome, and Tom adds that he did three things half-assed instead of one thing well. And they seriously can't believe he allegedly tasted the food and still thought it was good. Then again, given his lying streak revealed last week, he could have made that up on the spot.
The bottom three come back out to hear their fates. Colicchio reiterates why they are each there. Ron's ceviche was too sweet and his cocktail was horrible. Mattin's dish was too fishy and inedible. Robin's dish was a good idea with poor execution and horrible shrimp that should have never been served. Padma pauses dramatically and then tells Mattin to pack his knives and go. Mattin interviews that he did well sometimes but he fell short this week. He claims again that he cooks Basque food, although we haven't seen much of that from him. It's not like Mike I. who always cooks Greek food. Anyway, his restaurant seems to be doing well, so God bless.
Watch Mattin's exclusive exit interview video.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vloggers Val and Beth think that tattoos and piercings are what makes a chef truly great in TV is the Answer.