By Chuck
Wylie Dufresne, molecular gastronomist extraordinaire and sporter of the deconstructed fauxhawk (one step ahead of you, Richard), shows up to judge the Quickfire, which pits the cheftestants against ten ingredients: salt, pepper, sugar, olive oil and canola oil, and five more that they must choose at the local Green City farmer's market. You'd think they'd be taken somewhere good, but judging by how disappointed everyone seems, it's more like the tented version of a crappy corner shop. After accidentally tossing his salad, Mark wisely decides to resort to butter, which makes everything better.
Spike's disappointing meat (as in what he bought at the market), Erik's underwhelming lamb, and Richard's oily chicken make it to Wylie's bottom, while Andrew -- oh, Andrew -- gets disqualified for not listening. Mark pulls it out at the end, winning immunity for his buttery steak with turnips, mushrooms and peaches.
Elimination knife-drawing separates the group into five teams of three -- each named for an animal: vulture, bear, lion, penguin, and gorilla. Sadly, these aren't the meats to be cooked -- the challenge is to cater a staff party at the Lincoln Park Zoo with finger foods inspired by what each animals eats. That, Padma, is truly high concept.
After $500 at Whole Foods, the teams spend three hours in the kitchen before they have to take their animal tasting menu to the zoo and set up catering stations and sell their dishes to 200 guests -- and four judges. Gail's back this week, along with Padma, Colicchio and Dufresne.
Both birds fare well -- Andrew takes ultimate honors as leader of the Penguins. The Bears and the Gorillas end up in the losing half -- the former for a collaborative mushroom experiment gone wrong, and the latter for a watery crab salad (so, gorillas eat crabs?) and some badly-done blinis. Ultimately, Valerie goes packing, but not before getting upset at Antonia for throwing her under the bus, even though it ‘s clear Antonia had nothing to do with the fact that Valerie's blinis sucked.
There's nothing more than innocent croc-swapping from the lesbian couple, but boy is there a whole lot of gay.
As the sun rises in Chicago, yawning and stretching begins, while Stephanie and Valerie enjoy some female bonding time over a yoga mat and a fitness ball. There's not much yoga going on, but we do get close-ups of Stephanie's intense looking workout (and reach, and reach) -- she helps set the tone by confiding that she was singing "Eye of the Tiger" on the way into the challenge. Relishing her post-win high, Stephanie keeps reminding herself that "just because you won the first challenge, doesn't mean that you're going to win all the challenges." Uh, thanks, Einstein. Way to set expectations. Valerie, with a rounded, girly voice that I don't enjoy and that I didn't notice last week (and who reminds me a little of Rachel Dratch, who I do enjoy), digs Stephanie and her Rocky vibe. They used to work together at a restaurant, says Valerie, and she hopes that "they'll get to compete together" in an upcoming challenge.
Spike good-naturedly ribs Mark, who found the challenge "humbling" and expresses faith in his abilities for today's Quickfire. In their bedroom, Jen and Zoi do an odd croc-switching mating ritual dance, as Zoi explains that, upon finding themselves both on the show, they decided to "look at it as, like, a job." Jennifer says that she's "keeping a little distance," so perhaps we are to understand that we're watching a pale substitute for sex. They keep using "could" and "maybe" when they discuss competing against one another, like they're not quite ready to acknowledge that it's going to happen. I'd be freaking out if I was put in a situation like that with a partner -- I can't imagine it going anywhere pleasant.
The Quickfire begins at Chicago's outdoor Green City Market. Ryan's psyched, because after last week's debacle, he wants to show he can "cook simple and cook clean," which pretty much sums up the challenge. Padma commands a "delicious entrée with ingredients from this market." Five ingredients, to be exact. Well, kind of more than five, because they can use salt, pepper, sugar, salt, and oil, but each cheftestant must choose only five ingredients from the market or from the Top Chef pantry. The winner gets immunity this time, and they have 30 minutes to shop.
Everyone takes off running (Richard barely misses a little kid), which they soon discover is really not the best way to savor what lovely things a farmer's market has to offer. Spike goes with the flow, chilling to the sound stylings of an acoustic guitarist before ambling off to find his fare. It's kind of cavalier, but I like his nonchalant attitude toward the Quickfire. Richard decides to go for some eucalyptus in order to "be as different as I can." I'll be curious to see how he uses it -- it's wonderfully fragrant, but I'm sure it could easily overwhelm just about anything. ["Yeah, Chicken Vapo-Rub sounds like a good idea, but man, it's really not." -- Joe R]
Mark comes off as frazzled and needling as he runs around assembling his menu -- when he tells a meat vendor "I'm on a time budget, mate," the guy responds with an awesome, "Well, sorry." Hurrying is so not cool, especially at the farmer's market, which any self-respecting world traveler should know. Is that whole folksy exterior just a cover for a total Type A? Mark makes a beeline for another stall, where he starts picking through trays and gets reprimanded -- and things just get worse as he runs from place to place, stands in line, gets all huffy and snaps at people to hurry up.
Suddenly, the bloom is off the market's rose -- food there isn't all it's cracked up to be. The produce may be lovely, but you're getting frozen meat of unknown quality, and not, as Dale observes, "the best piece of meat that you can get." Which, when cooking with only a few ingredients, is definitely important. Jeez -- everything seemed so bucolic, but with Mark's attitude and Dale's diss, you'd think this market was like a crummy outdoor 7-11. In his rush, Mark leaves behind a bag of salad, in the hands of a man he's just told to pick up the pace. And so the karmic circle turns. He realizes it's gone when it's too late to go back -- bummer.
Back in the kitchen, Padma introduces wd-50 owner, celebrity molecular gastronomist, and guest judge Wylie Dufresne, who'd fit right in over here if he lost the sideburns. He's also really well-known in the food community, and some of the guys (hello, Richard) clearly admire him a great deal. Technically speaking, the only things that don't count are salt, pepper, sugar, olive oil and canola oil. There may only be five other ingredients, total, in each cheftestant's dish.
Thirty minutes on the clock. Richard's doing braised chicken legs fragranced with the eucalyptus -- he sounds like Christopher Walken when he explains his brand of molecular gastronomy: "not whiz-bang gadget gizmo; it's a basis to take traditional items and because of science, make them better." Since he lost his lettuce, Mark decides to use butter instead -- which is a smart choice since everything's better with butter. Giving sad weight to Dale's earlier assessment of the meat situation, Spike's crushed to find that what he expected to be filet tips more closely resembles "dog food." GE Monogram breaks in for a short message from our sponsor, as Spike curses a blue streak about his crap beef. As the cooking time winds down, Valerie confesses to being a bit more "mellow" than everyone else and looks a little out of her league as she tries to muscle her way into the frenzy to finish her dish. Yeah, that's what it is. Mellow.
First on the Quickfire circuit: Richard's "chicken soup" with chicken, apples, apple cider, eucalyptus, and butter -- the judges, of course, are curious about the koala food. Richard looks dejected as the only real feedback he gets from Wylie is that "it's not terribly strong on eucalyptus," who delivers the line in a way that makes it impossible to tell whether it's a compliment or a criticism. Ryan's lettuce, radishes, potatoes, sirloin steak and Dijon mustard looks nice; Wylie thinks it is "properly cooked, simple, tasty."
Dale used mushrooms, shallots, radishes, eggs and butter in what looks like a damn good breakfast -- both Wylie and Padma appear to enjoy it. Valerie chose rib eye steak, peaches, sweet potatoes, tomatoes and arugula. Those are some bold flavor combinations, but her dish looks a bit heavy, and the colors don't come together well, at least on my TV. For Wylie, it's "refreshing and juicy," so I'm wrong on that one. Spike wanted to make a dish he calls "apples and tips," but the meat wouldn't let him, so he's ended up with tenderloin tips (or something nasty and chopped up masquerading as such), apples, bread, apple cider, and rosemary. This one really does look unappetizing, like a brown rock garden. The judges express confusion and disappointment that Spike didn't make a sandwich, to which Spike responds, "True, that would have been a good plan." And then he gives this total doofus stoner chuckle.
Erik's lined up potatoes, baby carrots, and a lamb chop, using mint and garlic for seasoning, which elicits little reaction, and Mark has settled on sirloin steak, turnips, mushrooms, peaches and butter. With good quality meat, a simple steak dish really is hard to beat, and Mark's looks exquisite -- better that he didn't have the lettuce. Wylie enjoys the combination of the turnips and the peaches, but not as much as he likes Mark's "nice sideburns." They are the only thing separating the men from the lesbians!
Andrew used lamp chops, peaches, onions, mint, potatoes, and balsamic vinegar, which, for those of you county-count types like, oh, the judges, are six ingredients. He tries to play it off all, I thought balsamic vinegar was one of the things we were given, like mayonnaise. They're having none of it -- Andrew gets disqualified what he chalks up to an ability "to focus on a certain amount of things at a time." Looks like listening and following the rules don't make the cut, which doesn't bode well from someone on a show about, to a great degree, listening and following the rules.
Armed with a dossier on their mascot's chosen delicacies, the five teams huddle to begin planning their menus. Team Vulture (Mark, Zoi, and Manuel) get quail, rabbits, small fish, chickens, and lamb, which pleases Mark since "it is very similar to my diet." The Gorilla Girls are saddled with leafy greens, root vegetables, all fruits, eggs, corn, and wheat/oats/soy beans -- all fine items, but not the sexiest collection with which to cater a shindig. Antonia and Stephanie immediately start bouncing ideas off one another, but as Antonia notes, "Valerie had a little more trouble, like, jumping in there." Again. Some of the ideas include caviar, and fish, which don't strike me as gorilla favorites, but Stephanie explains the decision that "as long as those vegetarian items are being highlighted we can bring in some other things." Well, good luck with that. Valerie expresses some hesitation with the idea of adding meat, but decides against voicing her opinion. Good luck with that as well.
Team Lion (Ryan, Richard and, Erik) have steak, bison, beets, eggs, and chicken -- Richard immediately lobbies to use his immersion circulator to sous vide the chicken, going all mad scientist, while Team Penguin (Lisa, Jennifer, and Andrew) has the seafood beat with crabs, squid, herring, anchovies, and shrimp. Lisa mentions scallops, but I don't see those anywhere on the list. As soon as they start talking ceviche, they're speaking my language. Team Bear (Dale, Nikki, and Spike -- none of them terribly bearish) keeps holding their list where I can't see it, so aside from the honeycomb and cheese idea Nikki mentions (along with the pressures faced by a woman in a male-dominated world), I'm not sure what they're working with. Maybe salmon and garbage? Control-freak Dale has a hard time letting go and working in a team setting, which comes as no surprise.
On Elimination morn, the cheftestants sit around (well, Jennifer and Zoi lie together one a bottom bunk, keeping that distance) discussing what kind of animal they would be if they could be, and then Dale and Mark have a soporific bear versus vulture taunt-off. Really, could the editors not have found more interesting small talk to run? I feel like I'm watching paint dry. Mark blah blahs about not letting immunity dampen his desire to go out with his guns blazing, and I find myself thinking about taxes.
The Gorilla Girls are discussing their menu, which now includes crab salad. Oh, there's the whole thing: lamb and edamame cups, banana bread, crab salad on celery root chip, and black olive blinis with mascarpone. Black olive blinis -- interesting choice, as is lamb. And crab. Stephanie's making that one, along with banana bread. Valerie's going to make 200 blinis, which strikes Antonia as a risky move. Nothing gets by that one.
The challenge starts with $500 and half an hour at Whole Foods -- as Spike talks about "molesting the produce section," he picks up a giant phallic squash, and then it looks like Lisa slips and falls on a green orb someone (Manuel?) knocked over. Spike totally laughs at her as she limps away, which is what you should do when you see someone fall down. At last, a little bit of action. Richard ogles a big old hunk of red meat as Team Lion's menu appears -- bison tartare, beet salad with goat cheese foam, chicken sate (satay) and prime rib with horseradish foam -- as Richard calls it, "Honey, I shrunk the prime rib." Already, Team Gorilla has their work cut out for them. Nikki argues in favor of saving money for table decorations, which is so what a woman would do, while Dale and Spike exchange looks that say, "Can you believe this crazy lady is talking about flowers at a time like this?" Dale ain't no bleeping interior designer, y'all.
Elimination prep and cook begins. Team Bear's menu is venison loin with squash, seared salmon, stuffed mushrooms, and cheese and honeycomb on bread, with Nikki handling the final two dishes. On Team Penguin, Lisa and Andrew seem to be riffing well off of each other -- I could see all three of them working smoothly together, maybe because I can see that right now. They'll be presenting a Thai shrimp and crab salad, roasted zucchini, squid ceviche, and a yuzu and mint "glacier." As Lisa describes everything, it sounds really good -- I love the idea of the zucchini with anchovies. Andrew's doing the glacier using a thickening agent he brought, and it'll be a sort of "flavored glacier jelly mold concept," designed to cleanse the palate before guests move to the table. It's a smart idea, especially if it works, although the term "jelly mold" is an immediate turn-off. Damn if he's not growing on me, just a little.
Not to be outdone, Richard whips out his toys as well, one of which looks awesome -- like a machine out of a 1950s space movie. Erik's not really up on Richard's "foams and crazy juices" but he's going along, hoping to impress the guest judge. Stephanie's at work on the banana bread -- it's from her mother's recipe and, in the diet meeting, she DID speak up to insist on including something banana in the menu. That's an appropriately gimmicky response to the challenge -- I'm not sure they will get credit for including banana, but I bet they'd get dinged if they didn't. Valerie's blinis look like little chocolate chip pancakes ["Which...how horrifying to think you're getting chocolate chips and instead you get olives. I might not ever recover from that." -- Joe R], and as she discuss her anxiety about cooking blinis in advance, and then transporting and serving them later, you can start to see where this is headed.
Colicchio, looking resplendent in blue, walks in and immediately asks everyone what they think of the challenge, the look on his face betraying the fact that he thinks it's a dumb as I do. He's skeptical of the glacier's ability to remain a glacier, but Team Penguin seems confident. Team Vulture's menu appears -- they're keeping it a bit simpler with only three dishes: braised chicken on a tostada chip, a Moroccan lamb meatballs, and an anchovy on a quinoa croquette. Spike and Andrew get a little flirty over what Spike calls Andrew's "icicles" -- they should totally make out, and I'll watch. Team Bear's mushrooms look like charred brown briquettes, or turds, opines Spike, and "Who wants to put a turd in their mouth?" More people than one might think, probably. Oh, and dogs. The mushrooms are officially downgraded to "might be served." Meanwhile, Stephanie's crackers are soggy, quite likely beyond repair, and as everyone loads their output for transport to the zoo, it looks like we're in for a Bear/Gorilla showdown.
The event space at the Lincoln Park Zoo is mighty nice, all brick and wood, with vaulted ceilings, a huge skylight and great detail work -- I'd be okay going to an animal diet party if it happened there. The teams begin setting up their stations and prepping a bunch of those awful buffet-line hot dishes that leave everything tasting way too strongly of Sterno. Team Bear's mushrooms have not undergone a miraculous transformation -- yes, Spike, they STILL look like turds. Nikki continues to be the resident decoration advocate, telling the boys, "They don't look pretty like that. We have to make them look pretty." I'm not sure what could feasibly be done, because they do look pretty terrible. Dale sprinkles cheese on top of them, "trying to put perfume on a pig," which is an insult to pigs everywhere.
Team Gorilla's not faring much better. Valerie arranges the blinis on a tray, and while they don't look as bad as the mushrooms, they don't look much better. Antonia refers to them as not necessarily something she "would eat or enjoy." Ouch. Even Valerie realizes she's made a mistake -- blinis really aren't good "make and transport" items, although none of them anticipated the scope of the problem. She's resigned to whatever happens since there's not much she can do, all the while hoping that someone else (like her beloved Stephanie, whose chips, according to Stephanie herself, "are fucking soggy as shit") will make an even bigger mess than she did. Fair weather friend. The chips are jettisoned, and Antonia suggests a last-minute pea shoot and celery salad to accompany the crab.
Padma arrives, signaling showtime. She's trailed by this week's judges -- Wylie, Gail Simmons, and Colicchio. And by 200 guests, including at least one woman who's embraced the theme with gusto (and by gusto I mean lots of zebra print). They mill around the standees and make their way to the various food stations, as the cheftestants awkwardly sell their dishes with lots of fake brio. Apparently the mushrooms eventually passed muster, but Team Bear pulls them after a guest complains that they are cold to the bite.
Colicchio and Wylie start at Team Lion's table with the beet salad. It's got the aforementioned goat cheese foam, as well as yuzu and Ras al Hanout (which marks the second Elimination in a row that Richard has used this spice mix). He and Andrew both chose to work with yuzu, one of those flavors that has suddenly started showing up to lots of parties. Wylie likes he beet/spice combo. Padma and Gail sample Lion's offering -- a bison tartare with a tarragon coulis, which isn't a stunner, but which Gail thinks is "seasoned really nicely," and then mumbles something about fiery chicken, so I guess that satay floated her boat as well.
they hit Team Vulture's table -- Mark's presents Padma and Gail a marinated anchovy with saffron aioli on a quinoa croquette. I've just been getting into quinoa lately, and this dish looks gorgeous, almost like the anchovy is resting on a bed of multi-colored roe as opposed to the quinoa. Of everything I've seen so far, that's the one I most want to try. The ladies seem to agree -- Gail loves "the bite," while Padma enjoys the acidity. Kind of the same thing, no? Zoi gets to sell the Moroccan-spiced lamb meatball (with Ras al Hanout, perhaps?) with ricotta, pomegranate syrup and pistachio. "Delicious," agree Padma and Gail, who specifically praises the sauce and the color. Random zoo staffers (or their guests) concur with the judges' verdicts.
Upon tasting Stephanie's roasted pear and crab salad with celery root, Colicchio gets the inside story on the soggy chips, and Wylie expresses anticipation for the intriguing combination of smoky pear and crab, but for him, the dish "didn't follow through" on its promise. Yes, Stephanie, you are not going to win all of the challenges. The black olive blinis with fennel mascarpone, rutabaga and beets don't look like the disasters they promise to be -- in fact, says, Wylie, they sound delicious. "Sound," says Colicchio, and it's clear from both their faces that, appearances and descriptions aside, the blinis suck. Wylie ascertains that the blinis were pre-made and transported, making it blatantly obvious for the umpteenth time what a crummy strategy that was. Antonia's hawking the minced lamb and edamame with Boston lettuce and radicchio in lettuce cups -- Padma and Gail enjoy them, as did Wylie, who points out that the banana bread (with salted caramel sauce -- yum! -- and meringue) is good as well, so maybe Stephanie isn't totally screwed.
Team Bear's Chimay cheese and honeycomb on cranberry pecan bread inspires Padma to show emotion...almost The combination works well and, for Gail, even "the bread is the right size." Salmon a la plancha on lettuce cups with pickled vegetables and peanuts offers Padma the opportunity to show just how much she can fit in her mouth (although she looks maybe a bit pissed that someone with a camera is that close to her face while she's eating). Then Gail has to go and ask about the mushrooms. "I'm happy to let you get the flavor, but they are not as hot as we would like," says Nikki. She feels like she'd be "in jeopardy" if she didn't serve them, but Spike argues that they "just have to adapt" in a catering situation, and "if we aren't proud of an item, we shouldn't have served it." They're both right and they're both wrong, I think -- this is a can't win situation, since the judges know what's supposed to be there, and, obviously, get all asky if it isn't. And now that Gail and Padma got mushrooms, Colicchio and Wyile want to try them as well -- having something delivered to your plate with Nikki's "not as hot as we'd like them to be" caveat can't be too appetizing, which Wylie sort of snarkily acknowledges. And what specifically stuffs these oft-discussed mushrooms? Blueberries, walnuts, pecorino cheese, and a bit of chervil. I don't think temperature is the only issue here.
That leaves Team Penguin -- the glacier (actually more of a "mint yuzu gelee," explains Andrew) appears intact, and Wylie bites. Colicchio also seems mildly impressed in an amused way, and nods to style over substance, saying, "Okay, let's have food though." In this case, food is a charred squid ceviche with soy-balsamic tapioca and roasted macadamia nuts. Sounds kind of good and gross at the same time -- and I always thought that ceviche was made with raw seafood, but then again rules are made to be broken. I could also be wrong, but that's highly unlikely. Wylie digs it, which makes Andrew very happy. Lisa's Thai shrimp and crab salad with watercress makes a positive impression, and we never get to see the zucchini with anchovies that marks Jennifer's contribution to the menu.
Dr. Shana Lavin, nutrition manager for the Lincoln Park Zoo and clearly just the kind of person who would LOVE this kind of party, endorses Team Penguin because they "incorporated fish very purposefully in every meal." I guess I missed the fish in the glacier -- yuzu, mint, and catfish? Some dude in a candy-cane striped tie liked Gorilla the best, "except for the olive pancake, which tasted a little like dirt." Thanks, Professor Smug. And, ouch. He's so trying to get laid, and it looks like his insult worked to impress the grinning woman standing to him. Elizabeth Bruccoleri, zoological manager in the bird department and owner of a last name that's fun to repeat, saves her kudos for the cheftestants that focused on what their given animal would eat, spoken over an ominous shot of the Gorilla Girls.
The judges cluster around a table to deliver their first-impression debrief. After Colicchio gives the macro view -- "very good tonight" with "some great dishes" -- they move in for specifics. Team Bear's mushroom was forgettable -- according to Colicchio, the mushrooms and the fruit "were kind of okay, but the pecorino really clashed." Team Lion's tartare and beet salad gets good marks -- Wylie mentions the Ras al Hanout (sounds like we should get used to it), as well as the squid from Team Penguin, which he calls "maybe my favorite dish." Padma liked the tapioca. Team Vulture gets pretty unanimous praise, with everyone mentioning Mark's anchovy as the standout. With "cold" blinis and "watery" crab salad, Team Gorilla ranks as everyone's least favorite -- and with that, Padma seems pleased with the "good breakdown of who's on top and who's on bottom" (it's always tops and bottoms for that one) and takes off for the judges tables.
Padma calls Team Vulture and Team Penguin first. Even though it's pretty clear they're the best, everyone looks tense until Padma actually says, "Congratulations." In answer to the division-of-labor question , Manuel (wow, he speaks!) explains that he did the chicken, Zoi did the meatball, and Mark did the anchovy, which was definitely one of the hits. Colicchio elaborates: "The cake was nice and crispy and then the fish came through. It was a really great bite." He also praises Zoi's well-executed meatball, and Manuel gets nothing. Regarding Team Penguin, Colicchio thought the glacier "fun," and liked the fact that they worked a black and white theme of the table. What? I completely missed that...there was a penguin graphic on the table, but I didn't notice anything resembling a black and white theme. Oh, charred squid. But salad? Whatever. Anyway, they liked the glacier, for which Andrew gets credit, as well as the squid dish. Also Andrew's. Jennifer's and Lisa's dishes merit nary a mention, so even before guest judge Wylie announces the winner, it's obvious: Andrew. His pleasure, I'm sure, is partly due to the fact that Richard, in a moment or two, will die inside a little (yeah, Richard doesn't clap at all during Andrew's moment of glory).
Andrew sends Team Gorilla and "Da Bears" to the takedown round, saving Richard the humiliation of being raked over the coals for a second time by Wylie. Colicchio explains that these two teams were chosen because they offered the "three dishes that we thought were the worst dishes of the evening." All together now: the mushrooms, the blini, and the crab salad. Dale's first to speak for Team Bear -- he doesn't "think we executed the mushrooms properly." No shit. Gail wonders about the fact that the mushrooms were on the table one second, gone the , and Nikki chalks up the failure of the dish to the "holding" pattern. Then Dale cops to topping them with the pecorino in order to make them look better. The real problem? NO ONE TASTED THEM AFTER THE CHEESE WAS ADDED. And the cheese, apparently, transformed the mushrooms from the party's wallflower to the wasted girl all over on the dance floor.
"I'm not trying to put blame on you, Nikki," says Dale, clearly trying to put blame on Nikki, as Padma tries to unravel ultimate responsibility for the little turd blossoms. Dale argues that he didn't produce the dish, and that he wouldn't serve the dish, although he was the cheeser. While it could be claimed that the mushrooms were Nikki's dish (and Dale does try), there were obviously too many cooks in the kitchen (haha), and the fact the no one tasted them before they were served (a task that should probably have fallen to Nikki, as the primary force behind them, or Dale, who added the final ingredient) is pretty unacceptable. Always taste your food, people!
With enough time wasted trying to finger a culprit, Colicchio moves on to the other stinkers, starting with Stephanie's crab. "I wasn't pleased with my dish," admits Stephanie, probably saving herself a lot of attack by striding right in and fessing up to her mess. She made the mistake of pre-mixing the salad, rendering the final product much to watery, despite the clearly-communicated hour of final prep time at the zoo. Valerie's not at all starry-eyed about the blinis either (although she keeps calling them buh-linis, which is annoying) -- she knows that pre-making them was an error, which makes choosing to do them in the first place, given that she knew the circumstances of the event, an error as well. Ah, but there were bigger problems than the "soggy and soft" blinis themselves. Colicchio thought the rutabaga overpowered everything else because it was undercooked (that's the second too-raw rutabaga in as many weeks, so let this be a message), while Gail counsels that Valerie should have included something to tie "the blinis to the root vegetables on top." But there was, counters Valerie -- "a fennel mascarpone cream." News to me, says Gail, who tasted only "dry and crunch." Gail and Colicchio put Antonia on the spot by asking which chef she would hire if she were served these dishes as part of a job interview. She hesitates only momentarily before choosing, emphatically, Stephanie.
As the bottom six await the final verdict, Valerie expresses displeasure that Antonia (who is looking a bit smug), threw her under the bus "considering she didn't even taste my dish." Well, sure, that would have been nice, but after Valerie's only dish (Stephanie also made the banana bread, remember) got totally massacred by the judges, and after Valerie clearly wasn't the most engaged team member, it's hardly surprising. Padma, apparently back from whatever planet she went to during the entirety of the judging round, confirms that they've honed in on the mushroom, the crab salad, and the blinis as the worst dishes. Yes, thank you very much, you did. Like four times.
While Colicchio calls the blinis "not very good, poorly executed," Wylie once again dredges up the wisdom that blinis should not be made in advance. "We all know this," he says. Well, we certainly do now if we didn't before. Stephanie "bailed herself out" of the crab salad mess with the banana bread, so she'll escape elimination. Gail wonders if Nikki or Dale should pay for the mushrooms, agreeing that they both bear responsibility. Wylie, quickly becoming a reiterator of the obvious, says, "you can't possibly go any further if you don't taste your food before you serve it." Gail scores her judges table zinger by saying the mushrooms "looked like something a bear would produce, not eat." Like...a turd? And everyone generally agrees that it's not a great idea to serve a dish you don't stand behind, although I think they'd have gotten crap for it no matter what they chose to do.
Hot off the presses: Tom Colicchio is a bear. According to 61% of texting viewers, that is. I can't imagine that anyone with two eyes and a heart would think otherwise, but 24% feel he is a gorilla, and 15% liken him to a penguin.
In the end, the judges decide that Nikki is responsible for the mushrooms. And apparently you can go any further if you don't taste your food before you serve it, because Valerie gets the ax. What a surprise.
I must say, this episode was a real stinker. It's always less engaging in the beginning when there are so many cheftestants, several of whom have barely had any screen time (Manuel, Lisa, etc.), but the animal challenge was one of the worst I've seen, ever. Animal diets were not brought up a single time during the final judging -- Team Gorilla was disadvantaged in terms of ingredients, and they made some odd interpretive stretches, but neither of those things was even mentioned as criteria for evaluation. They might as well have gone balls out and made fajitas and chili, for all the judges seemed to care. Generally speaking, I find the large-scale catering challenges to be among the most boring, since the sheer amount of food is half the battle and it's much harder to appreciate technique and the finer points of the dishes. I understand that it tests important skills (if you're a caterer), but it's kind of like the challenges where they have to cook for kids -- yes, adapting to finicky palates is a talent, but it just comes off as a gimmick for TV. I'll go (but disagree) with the notion that a good chef should be able to cook anything, but I don't think it makes for particularly compelling viewing.