If the white sandy beaches, palm trees, billion-dollar resorts and ukulele music didn't tip you off, the super at the bottom of the screen informs us that we're in Hawaii. Cut to a room with an ocean view, that and a view of scrumptious Heather. Of course we don't know she's Heather yet but she's currently smiling at me. Oh wait. She's smiling at shirtless Chandler, except we don't know he's Chandler yet. What we do know, is that this "conventionally" attractive couple has a fierce jones for each other. They exchange some saliva and he interrupts to tell her something important. "Don't, don't say a word," she interrupts. Isn't that a double negative? He wants to talk about "us," but she just wants to live in the moment. He wants her to come with back with him to his base in San Diego. What girl could refuse that offer? She promises to think about it. We fade out.
It's a brand new day and Chandler waits impatiently at the airport gate. He is told that there just isn't any time left and that he must board. Frustrated and heartbroken, he rips up the companion ticket and heads for the plane. It must have been one of those non-refundable coach seats. Just before he boards the plane he takes one last hopeful look for the mystery girl. He can't see her but she's there, all right, hiding in the shadows of the Hawaiian foliage.
The credits roll and it's just your basic glamour shots set to the Sneaker Pimps hit "6 Underground." Ooh, special musical guest The Box will be appearing tonight. What is this, Saturday Night Live?
Two months have passed and somebody at NBC accidentally slipped in a copy of Top Gun. Maverick requests a high-speed fly-by and the tower refuses. The hot shot does it anyway. What a rebel. Wait a minute, this is still Titans, and we're actually at the Mojave air base, and it's Chandler flying the plane, after all. Oh, look -- how cute; he's got his name stenciled on the side of the jet. It must be his personal plane. I'd also like to point out here that Chandler is supposed to be in the Navy, but his jet has an Air Force insignia on it.
A humvee is waiting for him. The driver asks for Chandler's destination and he answers, "Shower, change, then Beverly Hills." Aha, so Chandler's loaded and, like, most heirs to massive fortunes, he's taken the honorable route of joining the military rather than spend his daddy's bucks while at some college that accepted a new wing of the library in exchange for admission.
We cut to a mansion, presumably in Beverly Hills where we're introduced to Gwen, Laurie, and Jenny Williams. Gwen reminds her daughters that their father "is getting married and he needs their support." Good thing she told us -- I mean, "them." The blonde and brunette daughters do a spin for their mom, who affirms their hideous attire choices, "Very nice, very appropriate." Sure, for a Céline Dion wedding, maybe. The girls leave for the party just as the Hummer pulls up and deposits a freshly scrubbed Chandler in his navy whites.
Chandler knocks on the door and greets Gwen, who I guess is his mom too: "Two years and you look exactly the same." Well, you would, too, if you were on the Victoria Principal Skin Care Program. After two years, he wants to know how work is. "Work is great," she assures him. "All my hotels are full and all my resorts are booked weeks in advance." Sure, but is she satisfied? The two share some concerns over his father's impending nuptials and Gwen thinks that the new bride may be too young for him. Enough of this chitchat; Chandler's spent three minutes with his mother after not seeing her for two years and he's had enough. He heads across the street to his father's house. By the way, it's so great to see a divorced couple living across the street from each other so as not to psychologically damage their thirty-year-old children.
At the party, Chandler is immediately greeted by his brunette sister, Jenny, who's wearing something from the Barbara Eden collection. "As usual," Chandler smells like "jet fuel and Old Spice." Didn't he just take a shower at the base? The one thing she doesn't smell like is hooch, since Jenny hasn't had a drink in five months. I smell a relapse. Blonde sister Laurie enters the scene making a snide comment about still keeping an eye on the boozehound. Jenny moans that "most sisters are soulmates, mine's a watchdog." What? Most sisters are soulmates? Only in Hollywood. Brother Peter joins the reunion with a Martini in hand (Drink #1).
Now please pay attention, because there's some financial gobbledy-gook coming up that's going to resurface later. Chandler asks how his brother is doing. Peter boasts that he's great, since "Williams Aviation stock split twice this year." Peter's the businessman in the family and feels under-appreciated for all he's done for the Williams corporation and family. Apparently Chandler never even checks his statement. Bored with business and bored with the conversation, Chandler heads off in search of dear old dad.
Chandler finds Dad in the garden. So far Richard seems like a nice person if not a reasonable father. He's happy to see his son and anxious to introduce him to his fiancée: Heather!! Okay, so we all knew that was going to happen because NBC's been banging us over the head with it for two months. Heather looks genuinely surprised and genuinely uncomfortable. Both barely hide their shock at seeing each other again. Heather asks Richard if he has any other children that she hasn't met yet, and Peter delivers the zinger: "You might check Saigon." Good one, Peter. Anyway, Heather doesn't feel well and wants to go home. Because he hasn't had a drink yet, Richard volunteers Chandler to drive her. Thanks, Dad, I just drove four hours to get here and we haven't seen each other in two years but, sure, I'll take your about-to-be-wife-who-I-banged-in-Hawaii fiancée home. Peter suggests they take "the Porsche." As the former lovers exit, Richard grabs Peter's martini out of his hand, but Peter replaces it with a glass of champagne (drink #2).