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Previously on Third Watch: Sully introduces himself to his sexy, cute neighbor Tatiana. Alex walks in on Jimmy doing the desktop mambo with firefighter Lombardo's blonde girlfriend in the bathroom at his own engagement party. Bosco tells his mom how she always took care of the kids after his dad left. And my eyes must be deceiving me because Bosco's mom actually looks kind of cute. Oh, I guess it's to be expected. The Devil has good taste in women when finding vessels for his evil seed.
Some groovy techno music plays as we skim over New York rooftops. Bosco, for the second week in a row, delivers the opening voice-over. "I never put much faith in love," he says flatly. Suddenly, we see some guy running on the rooftops. Bosco voice-overs that love is okay for greeting cards and chick flicks, but in the real world, he doesn't have much use for it. He says he's said it a few times to girls when it looked like, if he didn't say it, he'd sleep alone. Bosco, in slow motion, leaps up into view and chases. Yokas, in even slower slow motion, hops up and follows. They should totally get Ang Lee in here and have them use wires to fly from rooftop to rooftop instead of jumping. And put Chow Yun-Fat and Michelle Yeoh in there. And give them swords. You know what? Screw all that. I should be watching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon instead of this. "But mostly, I think it's just a load of sentimental crap women made up to keep men from following their instincts and chasing tail every waking minute of every single day," Bosco continues, interrupting my wishful thinking. More techno music. More chasing. Criminal guy leaps from one building to the and we get a taint shot looking up from down below. Bosco follows, leaping over. Yokas leaps too, but lands hard and rolls. Bosco voice-overs that, like the man says, (Uh, Dennis Miller, maybe?) that's just his opinion. He could be wrong. But he doesn't think so. Yokas gets up and tells Bosco to let the guy go as Bosco and Bad Criminal Man continue running. Sensing that Bosco's not gonna stop, Yokas gets up and radios him. "It's only J.J.," she says. "We'll get him later." Bosco continues chasing. Music continues playing. Leaping. Running. J.J. throws a bunch of tiny bags of drugs all over the place. Bosco says he can see J.J. and knows where the drugs are coming from. More rooftop leaping and running. This is like watching The Tick. J.J. finally stops at the edge of the roof. Bosco dares him to jump. Aw, Bosco, didn't you see The Fugitive? The guy actually jumps, and lands only a few floors below on another rooftop. But it looks like the guy hurt his leg. He starts moaning. Idiot. "Did you think you were gonna bounce?" Bosco calls out. J.J. gets up, moaning, and goes to the ladder. Bosco asks if he's going to climb down with one broken leg. "You're pissing me off!" Bosco yells. He walks back and collects the drugs from the roof. Bosco asks Yokas if her leg is okay. She says she followed her moron partner when he jumped over the Grand Canyon. Hee hee. Bosco laughs and runs downstairs. Yokas yells that the guy will be out on the street the day if they arrest him.
Downstairs on the street. "No way. No way," Bosco says looking up the fire escape. J.J. got away. Yokas says the guy may go to the hospital if he's hurt and he'll be out on the street anyway where they can find him later. "He's going down," Bosco says. Twice.
At the station. Kim is showing off her new big boots. Carlos asks if she's planning on climbing the K-2 anytime soon. She says she's keeping her feet warm. They're expensive boots, but they breathe, she says. Doc and Carlos rightfully make fun of her. She says they'll be begging for a pair when they're standing in the snow for two hours. Wait, don't they drive ambulances? When are they ever going to have to stand in the snow for two hours? Doc points this out. I laugh.
Some useless exposition about a Super Bowl party just to keep things current. Somebody's having a pool and Bobby wonders how somebody could get 33 points in a football game. Various combinations are thrown out, none of which seem plausible. Carlos even chimes in with a scenario involving eight safeties. Just then Lombardo walks in looking pissed. Jimmy is asking whether Lombardo is going to the Super Bowl party when Lombardo walks up and punches Jimmy in the face. Lombardo thinks he's Vince Lombardi all of a sudden. Lots of yelling. Lombardo yells out "Son of a bitch!" several times. Jimmy asks what's wrong with Lombardo. Well, for one thing his hand is sore now. Doc stands in the middle looking like a tiny man indeed. Lombardo tells Jimmy he's a big man coming over every weekend. "Why don't you tell 'em what you did?" Lombardo challenges Jimmy. "Your own engagement party?" he says. "My girlfriend Linda in the bathroom?" Except everybody already knows, as is evidenced by the looks of shame on Doc's and Kim's faces. "That's right, she told me," Lombardo says. Then he tells Jimmy he'd better grow some eyes in the back of his head. Why, so he can have sex with Linda in even more positions? Lombardo walks off. Jimmy walks off. Alex walks in, with her bad timing and her little elf hat, looking like the poor man's Meg Ryan (actually these days, maybe Meg Ryan is the poor man's Alex Taylor) and says, "What's goin' on?" We go to opening credits.
AOL 6.0 is the best version ever? That's like saying new poop-flavored Cheerios are the least poop-flavored Cheerios ever!
Some raspy guy is playing the guitar trying to sound like Springsteen, and before I know it, I'm on the floor because it's actually Sully in a pair of jeans pluckin' the acoustic. Damn, Sully! You're just full of surprises. He actually plays very well, playing some Dave Matthews-sounding chords. Doesn't sing too well, though. A knock at the door gets him up. He answers, and it's Tatiana in a cute blue wrap. She introduces herself, smiling way too much, and Sully says that of course he remembers her. She asks if his TV is out, which is to say the cable. Sully says he hasn't tried watching it. He invites her in to check it out. "Wow, it's big!" she announces, but it's only his apartment she's talking about. Sully says he's had the apartment for fifteen years, securing it before the rents went way up. She marvels that he's been there for fifteen years. I'm not even sure Tatiana is fifteen years old. "You're musician?" she asks when she sees the guitar. Sully says no, he just messes around. He can't find the remote either. Tatiana asks how long he's been a policeman. Too long, he says. Tatiana reveals she's a waitress at the Marriott. "But policeman has good benefits, right?" she says. That strikes me as an odd comment. Is she looking to get hooked up with some spousal benefits? Is that her little game? She says she has no benefits, but wears a short skirt and gets good tips. Sully looks sullied. He finds the remote on top of the refrigerator (the Hell?). He turns on the TV and the cable is out. Sully asks if she wants him to call the cable company. Tatiana says it's okay (signal to Sully: she just came over to check you out) and starts to leave. On her way out, she says she loves music and used to listen to it back home. Uh, anything specific? Sully asks where home is/was. She says the Ukraine. Cool. Ukranian babe. Sully says there're lots of places in the city to check out music. But of course, he doesn't offer to take her. "Yeah, I should," she says, and goes back to her lonely life. Sully goes back to his.
Fire station. Jimmy's outside brooding like somebody did him wrong. Ho-girl, I mean Kim, goes outside. "It's cold out," she says. But not as cold as your black heart. Jimmy tells her to go away. Then he asks why Linda would have told Lombardo about their pre-nuptial nookie session. "Probably had a fight or something," Kim speculates. Jimmy asks what the guys inside think. Kim says they don't know what to think. Jimmy says he always knows it's a bad idea when he's engaged in outside nookie. But he can't help himself. He's like a kid in a nookie store. "Pretty stupid, huh?" he asks. Kim doesn't say a word because she'd be the pot calling the kettle "nookie." "I have to tell Brooke, don't I?" Jimmy asks. Oh, crap. He says every time he has something good in his life, he has to screw it up. Yeah, just like that song, "Butterfly" by Weezer. Sigh Kim looks sad. Hey, Kim. He wasn't talking about you. He said, "Something good." I end the paragraph with no more ways to work in the word "nookie."
“ Hey, Sully, Ty is a playa'. Maybe you should recognize the pimp skillz and take some notes. ”
In the car, Bosco is driving very, very fast. Yokas says they should turn on the lights if he's going to drive like that. Bosco: silent. Yokas asks where they're going. Bosco says that if she wants out, he'll stop. Yokas hits gold by asking if his mom's boyfriend beat her up. No response. She asks whether Bosco wants to talk to the detectives. She says she thought Bosco's mom had left that guy. "Guess not," Bosco tells her.
At a warehouse, Bosco gets out of the car and storms in. Racks of clothes are everywhere. Bosco is Arnold as The Exterminator. A guy in a sweater who looks from far away like Dennis Farina starts to run away. Bosco chases and yells out the choice insult of the week, "You son of a bitch!" More chasing. The guy ducks into a freight elevator. Bosco runs down some stairs, but the guy is gone. Yokas follows. A car drives by and Bosco tries to stop it. He throws a bottle and misses. "Damn it!" he yells. And walks off mad.
Saving Silverman commercial. Jack Black. Steve Zahn. Pie-sex guy. I'm so there.
Diner. Ty is looking through the newspaper trying to help Sully find a suitable musical act for him and From Russia, With Love to check out. Ty suggests the Moscow Symphony Orchestra. Sully always gets fed up with Ty when he's trying to help, and this is no exception. Hey, Sully, Ty is a playa'. Maybe you should recognize the pimp skillz and take some notes. Sully says there's no point looking because Tatiana's probably not even interested. Ty says that Sully is a nice guy and has a good job. Maybe she just wants stability. "You make me sound like a table," Sully moans. "D.J. Mind-X," Ty suggests. "That's romantic," Sully says. "What's romantic?" Kim asks. Shut. Up. Kim. Ty tells her that Sully's neighbor is into him. "Ooh," Kim says, and it's actually very funny. "Ta-ti-yawn-a," Ty says, in an even funnier line. Ty says they're looking for stuff to do on their first date. "Have sex," Kim says, in the least surprising line of the season. She says you can get it out of the way early and if it's no good, you don't waste any more time on a second date. Jeez, Kim. Slut, much? They start talking about how Tatiana is an exotic name. Kim does a Roy Orbison growl and now I'm just looking for a place to hide. Bobby tells the story of a Russian stripper and how they keep it real. Bobby tells Carlos, who just walked up, about it. "Does she got any friends?" Carlos asks. "Friends who are desperate?" somebody else says. Sully gets as fed up as I am and walks off. Everybody protests. Good for you, Sully. Don't take no guff. He wants to start singing New Editions' "Cool it Now," and say, "Bobby / Carlos / Kim and Ty -- I like the girl, who cares who you like!"