Kim's Hope Chest

Outside, Jimmy and Brooke are picking Joey up for school. Kim shows Jimmy the Bruce Springsteen shirt she dug out. Kim and Jimmy get into a short tussle about who's supposed to take Joey that night (he's got physical therapy, she's got more engagements to bust up). Brooke settles the mini-argument by offering to take Joey that night and spending some quality time with the kid. Brooke came from the distant planet of Nice Stepmom, a place whose mysteries scientists are only now beginning to unravel.

At the station, everybody is bitching about a clothes drive they're doing for the poor. Kim's forgotten to bring stuff, but is sporting an old and multi-colored jacket that she's refusing to give to the poor. Bobby brags that he brought lots of stuff for the poor. You know, it doesn't really count as charity if you go around braying about how good you are at it. Doc bitches about the "damn" charity drive and how nobody cares. Man, Doc's gotten really bitter lately. I liked it better when he was the only character on the show with any redeeming values. A call comes through the speaker: Kim and Bobby are off to help a guy with heart problems. Doc asks if the person's wife still gives them baked goods. Bobby beams and refuses to trade calls with Carlos. Carlos goes without tasty baked goods. Pobrecito Carlos. "Who let the dogs out!" Bobby calls out as he leaves. That's going to sound so dated when this episode airs in reruns. Kim laughs, partly from that, partly because Carlos is trying on a ridiculous yellow jacket.

Kim and Bobby are at someone's house, taking the blood pressure of a guy who looks like John Amos from Good Times. He says he's having a good day. And his wife (or it could be his daughter; it's tough to tell) is looking out for him. It's very pleasant and relaxed, not what you'd expect a paramedic's day to be like at all. Isn't somebody in New York dying and more in need of their help at that moment? Loretta offers snacks and the man complains (but sweetly) that the only sugar he gets is the one on his lips. A golf joke is made, and he says that Tiger Woods has got nothing on him. This man is like Mr. Sweet-Natured Homily. Kim and Bobby leave in a good mood, and she joshes him about wanting to get his weekly cobbler fix.

Outside, Bobby says how much he likes the couple they just visited, and he admires the way Loretta, the woman, takes care of the man, Jackson. Bobby asks about Jimmy and comments about how Jimmy came back to work too early after getting shot. Yeah, we saw that episode, but thanks for the update. As they're talking, they get a call on a fire. Kim discovers the address is that of Joey's school. They take off.

At the school, a burning trashcan is found in a school bathroom. Sully and Ty are on the scene and have a little good-natured squabble about who's going to do the paperwork. Oh, the sweetly-intentioned ribbing. A teacher brings Joey into the bathroom where Kim and Bobby are standing. Kim goes to hug Joey and notices he's all wet. "Oh no," she says. The teacher says Joey just stood and watched the trashcan burn. Kim says there's no way he could have done it because his father's a fireman. Um, call for attention, anyone? She starts asking Joey questions about what happened, but Kid Pyro just stands there, looking meek and mild. He finally just shrugs, and Kim looks lost and confused. Cut to the opening credits while I drink a tall beer and prepare for a whole hour of Kim not being able to handle life.

Commercial for Sears' semi-annual lingerie sale. Question to Sears: why just semi-annual?

The dreaded principal's office. The principal, who has a nicer office than most university deans, is telling Kim that sometimes a divorce can be hard on a kid and make it difficult to adjust. Wow, what remarkable insight into the human condition. Kim tells the principal that she and Jimmy get along fine, and she thought Joey was adjusting just fine too. Speaking of adjusting, Jimmy and Brooke come in. The dean, er, principal, asks Joey to sit outside. Brooke helpfully volunteers to go sit in the car. Kid Pyro sits outside with the door open where he can hear every word. The principal suggests a child therapist. Why not get an adult therapist and give the treatment to Kim, instead? Jimmy asks if it's necessary. The kid tried to recreate the Backdraft ride from Universal Studios in the school bathroom. I think it's necessary. The principal goes off to make a copy of some phony baloney list, leaving Kim and Jimmy to argue about whether Joey was fine that morning or if Kim did something to set Kid Pyro off. Jimmy offers to take Joey to physical therapy and talk to the lad. Kim says they need to speak to him together. Jimmy suggests a "family meeting." Uh oh. "That's ironic," Kim says. Uh, no it isn't. Kim says, "Eight o' clock, my place," because it's actually a date, not a "family meeting," in Kim's eyes.

Cut to the ambulance, where Kid Pyro is riding along with Bobby and Kim. Hey, Joey, try not to set the stretcher on fire, okay? Joey asks if they're having lasagna for dinner. Kim asks about the fire. Joey asks about parmesan cheese. The kid's got problems. Kim tries to get Joey's attention again, and now he's talking about Christmas trees. Kid Pyro is turning into Kid Rainman.

At Kim's mother's house, Joey is destructively playing with stuffed animals while Bobby notices a photo. Oh man, it is Bill Paxton! Or someone who looks just like him. He asks who it is, and Joey says it's "Grandpa Ron." Kim looks over at her mother, who looks like she's in agony having people treading on her clean carpet. "Best thing that every happened to you," Kim says to Mom. Mom makes a pained smile that clearly doesn't agree. Kim's mother hems and haws about having to take care of Joey, and then finally relents. She is the least friendly grandma ever. She calls Joey her little "firebug," and Kim says it's not a joke. Kim and Bobby leave. Kid Pyro is left behind to fend for himself against Grandma Joykill.

Back at Jackson and Loretta's house. Bobby and Kim rush in because the guy finally suffered a bad heart attack. Loretta is panicking. Kim and Bobby just stand around until Kim finally tells Loretta that Jackson's heart stopped. "No!" Loretta cries. Wait, can't they at least try to give him CPR or something? What's the hold-up? Loretta cries. Bobby wishes there was more cobbler. "He was in such a lot of pain," Kim tells Loretta. Kim tells Loretta that Jackson can be at peace and that Loretta can let him go. She's smiling the whole time, as if reassuring Loretta that she just won the lottery.

At the station, Brooke walks in on Kim making a peanut butter sandwich. She asks about Joey, and Kim doesn't take the question too seriously, like she's already forgotten what happened. Kim asks if that's why Brooke came to the station. Nope, she's just picking up Jimmy's check while he works out. Way to be Jimmy's errand girl. Brooke says that Jimmy is working out and preparing to come back to work because he pushed it too hard and wasn't ready last time. Yeah, we know. We saw it last week. Brooke did have a hidden agenda, though: she says she wants to make sure there's a balance between Jimmy's house and Kim's. She does this very nicely, saying that they want to raise Joey the way Kim wants him to be raised and according to her rules. Wow, what a nice lady. She even asks Kim to draw up a list of rules, Joey's allergies and the like. "It doesn't have to be weird between us," Brooke says. Oh, just wait.

Inside the ambulance again, Bobby is eating. He says he hates the smell of nail polish, which Kim is using to "fix a little repair [sic]." Bobby says he doesn't like it because it reminds him of his sisters. They discuss briefly putting Joey in a public school instead of private. A Catholic school is the only school Jimmy's parents will pay for, Kim says. Bobby argues that in a public school, you have sex on the subway instead of at the Waldorf. Good to know. As they're talking, Kim notices a car she says is "treading water." Bobby keeps talking, thinking she's talking about Jimmy and Brooke, but instead she's talking about the driver across the street, who's driving like a drunk. Sure enough, the car hits a construction worker. "Go, Bobby, go!" Kim yells. He does. The car stops as it knocks over some construction. Kim and Bobby travel about the length of the street and stop as Kim calls in the incident, requesting police, fire and EMS.

Kim and Bobby get their stuff together. Bobby calls triage. He helps the construction worker as Kim goes to the car. The driver emerges, head bloody, slurring his words and talking about how he was changing CDs. Yes, if the CDs were "Boozy, Abusive Drinking Songs" by Bing Crosby and "Going To Prison For The Rest Of My Life" by Rick James. Kim goes into the car. A woman is staring, looking dead and bloody. "Thass my wife," the drunk driver slurs. Drunky McHomicide tries to get into the car with Kim. She yells at him. Carlos and Doc pull the guy away as Kim shouts out the woman's vitals. There are none. She's lost the heartbeat. Kim puts the oxygen mask on the woman's face. "Wha, what about the baby?" the drunk guy yells. "There's a baby?" Kim asks. Doc and Carlos start hunting in the back seat, but there's no kid. Kim feels the passenger side woman's stomach. "Oh my God, Doc, she's pregnant!" Kim calls out. Doc asks the drunk guy how pregnant his wife is. He doesn't answer. Doc yells the question in the guy's face. "Uh, eight months," the man says, hopefully on his way to sobering up. Kim says that as long as they're doing CPR, the baby is still alive. Doc agrees and says it might be a viable fetus. "Let's get her out, NOOOWWW!" Kim yells as we go to commercial. And here I thought the only action this episode would be in Kim's bedroom.

The firemen arrive. Kim announces that the woman's leg is caught in the car and she's dead, but the baby is alive. Doc says the baby has about ten minutes. The firemen say it'll take a while to get the woman loose. Kim wants someone to call the hospital and get a field amputation approved. Doc says it might take fifteen minutes. "We're not going to try to save this baby?" Kim asks. "Cut it off," Kim says finally. Doc says no. Kim says yes. Sounds like her relationship with Jimmy. "That's not our call," Doc says. Kim says, "Screw protocol," doing her best impression of the dearly departed Doug Ross from ER, and says she's not giving up. One of the firemen proclaims that the woman is already dead and he'll cut off the leg. Doc still doesn't approve. Carlos, who witnessed Doc doing a similar feat of rule-breaking two weeks ago, tells Kim she's going to get nailed for this. Kim ignores him and asks for a tourniquet. Kim says the husband can watch because it's his fault anyway. Doc protests one last time. "Help me or get out of my way, Doc," Kim says, now channeling the spirit of Ripley from the Alien films. Doc calls the hospital as Kim and crew go to work. Doc pretends on the phone that he can't hear and that he had a bad signal and was disconnected. See, I knew Doc's rebel heart would finally win out. The sound of sawing begins.