By Omar G
It's been a long summer, huh? A lot's happened. Survivor came and went, leaving us with a whole new list of pseudo-celebrities to take up space in our collective consciousness. The Olympics tried to dig NBC out of the deep hole that CBS's summer put them in, but only synchronized diving kept it from becoming a complete fiasco. Rae Dawn Chong's career completely failed to rematerialize. Oh yeah, and by this late date, deep into fall, we finally got a new Third Watch episode. Huh. Would ya look at that...it's called "The Lost," and in keeping with the theme of burying things, I propose we bury the hatchet of negativity around this show. I'll agree not to get too snarky if you agree not to e-mail me your hot fantasies about Bosco. Agreed? This promise only extends to how far in the episode I get before its sheer badness travels, virus-like, into my brain and boils my blood, making me forget all about this contract.
So, la de da, let's roll tape on "previously ons." from last season...oh, hey. That's Bosco yelling "congratulations!" when Yokas declares that she is unwantedly pregnant. Here's Kim and Jimmy in bed together! No! Jimmy got shot! Badly! Oh, ugh, oh, my brain! My beautiful brain! It...ack, achem, ackkkkk!
Agreement? What agreement? This sucks so far and it hasn't even started yet! Well, pity the poor bastard who bets against an MBTV writer on the issue of snarkiness.
The second season begins with Sully in voice-over, talking about how he's not afraid of much. As he speaks, it's a nighttime scene of thugs in ski masks taking a plastic tarp and some shovels out of a trunk. We hear tinkly music as they gather up a plastic-wrapped, still-moving body and put it in the trunk, placing the tarp and shovels back in with it. Our point of view is at times from inside the trunk, Tarantino-style. Everything's in slow motion. Sully talks about how he's not afraid of heights, as evidenced by that one time he helped a jumper by going out on the George Washington Bridge. The thugs drive off in the car, and as Sully keeps on relatin', they arrive at their destination near the bridge. They take the body out as Sully says that everybody has something that makes their skin crawl. Like this show, for instance, or the thought of Dave Thomas showering. The thugs carry the body to a pre-dug square grave. They put the body in, then throw some jugs of water down there. Is this some sort of Fox Secrets of Magic Revealed special? The buried man takes off the cowl on his head, and it's an old man, not Sully. The bad guys throw some wood over him, sealing the man in his grave. Then they start piling in the dirt as Sully reveals that his worst fear is being buried alive. The no-good crooks put a pipe in the piece of wood, allowing the guy down there a way to breathe. What kind of half-assed burial job is this? This is like putting a contract out on someone, but you're cheap about it, so you try to get a better deal using Amazon.com gift certificate codes.
Back in the sewer where Sully sullied himself (ha ha, I love that joke), Ty watches as the key-losing cop pulls himself out of the manhole. Ty is smiling, and Sully warns him not to say a word. It's almost a Laurel and Hardy routine, but without the dialogue, the timing, or the sense of humor. And of course, without Laurel and Hardy. Ty makes a noise indicating how smelly Sullied Sully is, and they replace the manhole. Ty jokes that they need to get Sully a big keychain with an air filter on it like they have at gas stations. When did Ty become the deliverer of punchlines on this show? Sully threatens Ty, because he knows if this story gets out it will have come from his partner. Then, just as he's wiping off with a little handkerchief, a big car drives along and splashes puddle water all over Sully. Wonk, wonk, wonk...he'll be slipping on a hot banana. Sully curses. Loudly.
Inside the splashy car, the two burying crooks look back and see the police cruiser turning around to follow. "Slow down," the passenger says. The driver starts freaking. "Are they following?" he asks. "Yeah, they're following!" the buddy replies. You know, playwright Harold Pinter tried to write dialogue like this, but he could never quite master the form. Sully is mad. Ty asks what Sully will cite them for, assaulting an officer with a puddle? Oh, Ty, you're like Shecky Greene this week! Police car chases bad guys. Bad guys argue about pulling over. Ty puts on seat belt and calls for back-up. The bad guys' arguing escalates. A gun is drawn. And then, the inevitable: they slam into a car. Another car slams into a different car. Mass chaos. Glass flies. Bodies are flung out of car windshields. Ty and Sully stop in front of the carnage, guns drawn, to inspect the damage. The bad-guy driver looks bloody and dead. His passenger is lying comfortably on another car's windshield, also looking pretty dead. A bloody man yells out for help for his wife. Sully looks pretty dumb. Ty puts a hand on his sculpted head. We go to opening credits.
Man, I missed this theme song over the summer! Yo, yo, Crystal Method. Rock my world.
Commercial time. That commercial for Titans is right on. I watched it this week. Man, that was the best trashy show I've seen since The Colbys.
Back on the scene and the whole cast (sans Jimmy) is here. Bosco makes a rude comment comparing the windshield crashers to Olympic divers (how very NBC of him) while Yokas marvels that Sully didn't get blown away by the nine millimeter one of the bad guys had been carrying. Kim and Bobby attend to one victim, who looks dead on the scene while a Post photographer shoots pictures. Bosco tries to shoo the photographer away. As Bosco threatens the photographer, the bad-guy driver is found to still be alive. The Jaws o' Life are brought in to peel back the car's roof like a cheap can of cat food. We even get a nice overhead visual of the process. Sully watches, obviously anguished. Dude, time you lose your keys, just let it go. Carlos and Doc work to get the guy out of the car as Carlos yells quite a lot. Photos are still being snapped, making it look like a photo shoot for Car Carnage Magazine.
Ty and Sully have a short confab. Ty says everybody but the bad guys will be okay. Sully says he's surprised the lawyers aren't already lining up. And then, it appears Ty traded in his stick-up-the-ass sense of duty for a new sense of humor: he makes it clear he won't rat on Sully about what just happened. You know, Ty's moral compass always goes off for no reason, then disappears when he should actually use it.
Kim and Doc are attending to the surviving bad guy, who has a foot that is twisted, to use the medical terminology, "way outta whack." They straighten the foot as Sully and I wince. Sully looks at a pair of shovels that Bosco spotted. Hey, what the hell happened to Bosco's hair? Is he joining a boy band or something? Sully gets on one knee and examines a shovel as if he's going to propose to it. The photographer snaps pictures as Bosco again threatens the poor guy. Sully picks up a video camera that is sitting alongside the shovels.
We pan to a rainy street near the bridge, then soil, then the pipe sticking out of the ground where that poor old guy is buried. Wait, did I accidentally record Tales from the Darkside or Tales from the Crypt?
Lamest transition ever: we are taken through the inside of that sticking-out pipe, and on the other end is Yokas taking a shower as we see her through the shower head. Yikes! Could you at least warn me when we're going to see Yokas naked? I mean, she's not Anne Ramsey or anything, but could we at least import one of those Titans hotties for these obligatory shower scenes? Yokas is savoring the shower, trying to rid herself of Bosco-stink. Faith, a word of advice: that never washes out.
In the dining room, Faith's daughter asks for a piano just as Faith is pouring orange juice. She stops, mid-pour. What, you're going to deprive your kid of Vitamin C because she asked for a piano? You think scurvy will cure that desire? Her son wants a drum set, which is even further off the map of Fantasy Land. Yokas's husband, who I continue to insist looks just like Larry Miller, is open to the idea. Yokas plays bad cop at home just as well as she plays good cop on the street. Larry Miller tries to be nice and says Faith should eat breakfast because that's what his mother would always say, it being the most important meal and all. Faith makes a bitchy comment about "more nuggets from Shir-Ley," like her name is two words. Larry/Fred asks if he said anything to piss her off, and she plays it off and says no. Hey, I just now noticed: Faith looks just like an older version of Kelly from Survivor!
Another weak transition: it looks like Yokas is throwing her spoon in an empty coffee cup but, hey, no, look out! It's actually Sully in his own kitchen, throwing his own spoon in a totally different coffee cup! Oh man, how brilliant! This has even more clever scene transitions than Lone Star! Sully is the sad single guy. He's washing dishes alone. There is absolutely no reason for this scene except to make us feel sorry for poor, alone Sully. Awwww.
At the station, Doc is trying to fix a pipe, and it leaks a bunch of brown stuff on his hand. Carlos gets him a pot to put under the pipe, but Doc's hand is already covered in what he says is bacon grease. Man, how much bacon do they eat there? That was like a whole pig farm's worth. Kim arrives as everyone is just showing up. Bobby brings in the Post, which has a nice picture of him being all heroic. Pride goeth, Bobby. Pride goeth. Carlos is upset because Sully's ass is in the frame. Wait, they got Sully's ass and Bobby's huge head in the same picture? They must have used a wide-angle lens. Kim enters as Bobby is getting dressed. He asks about her "daily fix" to visit Jimmy. "You don't approve?" Kim asks. Has he ever? Bobby points out that she's seeing another woman's fiancé every day. Kim plays the denial game by bringing up poor Joey, who she says she's taking to see his injured father. If Kim was any lower right now, she'd be looking where Sully's keys had fallen. Bobby asks about a wedding date, and Kim says Jimmy and the bride-to-be never set a date. Bobby says snarkily that it gives Kim more time to work. "Do you ever get tired of being better than everybody else?" she asks. No, just better than you, Kim. Kim rolls her eyes as if she's the one who's doing nothing wrong.
Bosco, who I want to name "Shorn," busts into the locker room proclaiming himself a God. God readies a lightning bolt. Apparently, Bosco thinks he broke a record. He had sex eight times the night before. Ewwww. Ty, he of modesty, says he's gone more times than that in a single night with a dancer from Cats named Tawnee. Can I get another "Ewwww"? ["Yes. I refuse to believe that Ty isn't a virgin." -- Sars]
Yokas and Sully escape, and Faith goes on about the magical "eight." She says Nicole and Bosco should have kids, and then they won't have sex eight times in a year. Sexually inactive, much? Oh, no, I guess not: you're pregnant. Yokas says she saw Sully's picture in the Post. So what, they bitch to the photographer on the scene, but then they feel all good that they made it in the paper? Sully complains that he looked like he was trying to figure out what a shovel was. Yokas pretends to be serious, but then walks off laughing. Poor Sully. Again.
Sully is called into a video room where they're playing the tape recovered in the accident. The video is of the old buried man. He's tied to a chair talking to someone in a sort of ransom-video special. Sully gets very affected as the old man is crying and saying, "I love you," to some unidentified person. Nobody knows who the old man is. Sully fears the worst: "There were shovels in the car." We go to commercial.
Okay, first I had to deal with "wraps." Now it's called a "Twister." Listen, KFC. If it's wrapped in a tortilla, it's a burrito, a taco, or some other Mexican-food-derived food. Don't give me this "Twister" crap.
We return to the sight of Sully, hands taped, being stuffed in a coffin. The coffin is in the bottom of a grave and the bad guys are shoving the coffin closed on Sully, who is struggling. They intend to bury him deeper than Rae Dawn's career. The chilling music brings us to Sully washing his face in the sink. He's badly shaken. He emerges from the men's room to meet the rest of the crew having drinks (all non-alcoholic) and playing cards. They talk about the second burying criminal, who still hasn't regained consciousness in the hospital. Doc and Carlos are called away and have a little tussle over paying the bill. Carlos grudgingly pays for his coffee and doesn't tip. Can Carlos be any cheaper? Priceline calls and William Shatner tells Carlos that he's not allowed to shop on the Web site. Sully, Bosco, Yokas, and Ty get called away to start looking for the buried man. They don't look happy about it. Ty eats Sully's burger because Sully has no appetite. Awwww. Poor Sully.
Out in a field by the bridge, everybody is beating the bushes for the buried man. Ty tells Sully he has a friend of Janice's who Sully might be interested in. Sully wisely declines. Ty goes on: she's single, lost a lot of weight and is recently divorced and primed for revenge. Oh, come on, Sully, go get your freak on! Sully declines again. Ty won't quit: "She's ready to rumble," he says. Then he says it again. "She's ready to rum-ble!" Ty, you're no Michael Buffer. You're not even a car-wax buffer. Ty points out how strange it is that Sully gets splashed with a puddle of water, and now there's a man dead, a man in the hospital, and they're searching for a buried man. "It's a trip," he says. Sully doesn't look like he's in the mood to be trippy, even when Ty assures him that it's not his fault. Can you feel the love here, folks? There is some love going on between Ty and Sully. Makes me want to cry.
Bosco, meanwhile, steps into a patch of random barbed wire and then curses about his new pants. I don't want to laugh, but it is too funny not to. Bosco complains that he can never find a pair of pants that fit. Wait, did he just step over one of Sully's lines? He bitterly suggests that they should be using rescue dogs instead of people for the search. Hey, Bosco. Did you ever think the dogs might have better things to do? He whacks random pieces of grass with his nightstick because that's what great method actors do: stage business. Bosco asks if Yokas is okay. She yells, "Yeah, I'm FINE!" Doppler Radar reports a mood swing coming in from the northeast at fifty knots. Bosco says Yokas shouldn't be out in the heat and she yells, "Bosco, don't start with that again!" It's the nicest thing he says all day and he gets yelled at for it. He tells her she should tell the bosses she's pregnant. Faith says she doesn't want to get assigned to a desk. Yeah, she just wants to carry a baby about as she chases down criminals and puts up with Bosco's crap. Hey, where's my "Mother of the Year" ballot when I need it? She mentions that she hasn't told Fred (or Larry Miller, for that matter) about her pregnancy. Bosco is about to say something, and when Faith challenges him, he says she doesn't know what he was about to say. When did Bosco develop such a New Yawk accent? He continues to press, saying she should tell Fred. Faith warns him to shut up. He doesn't. Just when he walks ahead, she picks up a big clomp of dirt and pegs him with in the back of the neck. Faith is now my hero. Yes! He whines, "You just hit me with a dirt clod!" Yokas tells him off and walks away as he rubs his neck and says, "Ow." This is by far the best moment in Third Watch history.
Carlos and Doc pull up near the ever-present bridge, where some do-gooder twentysomethings say they're worried about an old man named Hector who collects cans and bottles. They haven't seen him, so they came to see if he was okay. What is he, like "Da Mayor," from Do the Right Thing? They find the old man lying down, but apparently still alive. The do-gooder woman (this show is divided into two kinds of bit parts this week: the bad guys and the do-gooders) says she usually brings food for Walter to eat. "Who's Walter?" Doc asks. In answer, Walter, a cockatoo, flies down, skims by Doc, and totally attacks Carlos right in the face. Carlos says, "Whoah!" and we see that his forehead is bleeding. You know, it's kind of hard to miss Carlos's head, even in such a big room. "Oh man, I'm bleeding! And I'm stating the obvious!" Carlos says. No one seems to care. Do-Gooder Woman is trying to feed Walter. Doc shines a flashlight up on the bird. Carlos bitches, after Doc laughs at him, that it's not funny and he'll need stitches. "Is he going to be all right?" Do-Gooder Boy asks. "Yeah, I'll be fine," Carlos said, except they weren't talking about him. Does the comedy ever stop?
Sully and Ty are still pounding the grass, looking for a buried body. Ty asks if Sully thinks they'll find anything. Sully is noncommittal on that one. Ty asks why they're looking here. Well, because this is the direction the bad guys were driving from. Of course, as Ty points out, they could have been coming from a whole hemisphere of "that direction." Ty complains that this is a pointless search. Sully concurs.
All of a sudden, everybody is gathered around something. Ty and Sully rush over. Much digging, very slow-paced, with no music. It's about as suspenseful as watching a two-year-old play with a cardboard box. An FBI guy in a suit goes into the grave, rips open a piece of plastic, and reveals a bloated, nasty corpse. Everyone recoils, and now some sad music comes on. Hey, sad-music person: you didn't earn that riff, so knock it off. Everyone looks like they're gonna throw up except Bosco. Sully gets a call on his radio that he has a personal call waiting. He walks off telling Bosco that if they look long enough, they might find Jimmy Hoffa. Oh, hey, a Jimmy Hoffa joke. That's about as fresh as the corpse they just dug up.
As Doc and Carlos load the old man into an ambulance, the Do-Gooder Woman follows with the bird on her hand. Carlos calls it a parrot, and she corrects him: It's actually a cockatoo. Which, if my Yahoo! Search is correct, is actually a kind of parrot. Don't you hate people that are all persnickety like that? Carlos gets in the ambulance, and the bird flies at him. He does this spectacular twisting wussy move, jumping out of the ambulance. The bird sits on top of the old man's stretcher. Carlos wussily asks if they can call animal control. D-G Woman says that the bird is fine if they just feed it. She hands Carlos some bird food (low in fat, high in tastiness). "If he craps in there, I ain't cleanin' it up," Carlos says, walking off. Doc just looks kind of stupid and dumbstruck in response.
We cut to Sully's foot, tapping nervously as he speaks on the phone. He gets emotional and angry. "How long ago?" he asks. "And nobody's noticed until now?" Ty hovers behind him and startles him after Sully hangs up. Sully says his mother escaped from the nursing home again. Again? You need to get her a Webcam or something.
In the ambulance, Kim and Bobby are apologizing to each other. Sort of. Bobby says he shouldn't have said anything. Kim says she didn't visit Jimmy today (it's like three in the afternoon. That's no huge accomplishment). She points out that Bobby says things and then takes them back. "I do that?" he asks. Then, Mr. Self-Aware launches into another lecture. "I think you're making a fool of yourself. I think it's pathetic," blah blah blah moral superioritycakes. Kim gets pretty pissed herself and comments that Bobby is so attached to his mother, he can't have a relationship for more than six weeks. Ouch. Bobby's not even listening, though, because he saw something in an alley. What's interesting is that he was sitting there looking all smug, and he spots something, turning quickly. But the direction he was looking is different than the direction he ends up pointing Kim to. This may be a huge acting mistake. Or I may be totally wrong. Mighty Big TV presents: "You Make The Call." They roll back, and when they stop, Bobby spots a little boy walking down the alley behind a fence. They get out and follow.
When they get to the kid and turn him around, he's this little adorable child, almost a Gerber baby, covered in filth. The kid is cute and has the most forlorn expression. He's like a little five-year-old Thom Yorke. He's no Adam Rich, but the kid is cute, is all I'm saying. Bobby asks lots of questions about mommy and daddy, but the kid doesn't respond. The little boy just looks sad, as if he knows he had to do this instead of the guest spot on ER he was originally promised. We go to commercial before the child's sad cuteness destroys our complacent way of living.
Carlos is in the ER, getting his wound dabbed by the cute nurse. He complains that it was something out of The Birds. Oh, I just figured it out! That old man in the grave? That was Alfred Hitchcock, rolling in his grave! These guys are so clever. Doc asks the nurse what's going on with the kidnapped old man. The nurse gives them an update: the man had a wife and kids and hasn't been found yet. Doesn't Doc have other people more in-the-know that he could ask? Carlos, who will need stitches, asks about Morales. She's got the day off, Doc says. So instead, Carlos will have to get stitches from the mean male doctor who doesn't have the sweet, sexy light touch of Dr. Morales. The doctor comes in, grabs Carlos by the face, and starts jabbing the wound viciously with needles. It's like Stanley Kubrick came in and started running the show. Dr. Feelbad tells them that the old bum they brought in died from the pneumonia. Then he walks off. He's like the dentist character in Little Shop of Horrors, but with no song.
Sully shows up at the nursing home and is rightfully pissed. He gets mad that an 87-year-old woman was allowed to just run off. The nursing home woman, who looks a little like Patricia Heaton from Everybody Loves Raymond, apologizes profusely as they walk out together and Sully is storming off. Sully starts to get in his car to look for Mom when the nursing home woman asks, "May I come?" Do you see what I see? A romantic interest? Oh, yes. Sully, you old dog.
In the Doc-and-Carlos ambulance, Carlos is giving the cockatoo the stink-eye. Somewhere, Mantooth's agent is pissed off because they didn't let the dog attack Carlos instead for this episode. Carlos compares the look of the cockatoo to Clint Eastwood in Fistful Of Dollars. Um, ooookay. Doc gets out, and Carlos starts to feed the bird. Two love connections in a row? Be still my heart. The animal control guy shows up and he just looks psycho as all get out. He's got shifty eyes and a gray ponytail. Doc and Carlos try to explain that the bird only attacked Carlos because it was startled. The animal control guy looks like he just wants to kill something. Anything. As Carlos and Doc watch in horror, the animal control guy enters the back of the ambulance with a net you would normally associate with butterflies and proceeds to look like he's attacking the poor animal. Lots of noise. Lots of clatter. Hoo boy. At one point it looks like the guy is having rough sex with the cockatoo. This is getting to be a loooong episode. The guy finally emerges with the caged bird (I know why it sings, by the way, but I'm not telling). He tells Carlos that because the cockatoo attacked a city employee, it will be "put out." And not the nice way, like when I put my cat outside.
More Sully-in-a-coffin. He shines a flashlight around in this quite cozy-ooking space. He is sweating and breathing fast. He starts screaming and crying as somebody is nailing the coffin shut. How many times have I said "poor Sully" in this episode? Coming out of the daydream, Sully is still driving the car, looking for his mommy. The nursing home woman, who seems to be having problems maintaining any kind of eye contact, tells Sully that he'll have to put his mother in a more secure place. It'll be more expensive. And it's an option her nursing home doesn't offer. I think she just doesn't want the mom around when she and Sully start getting their respective grooves on.
At the hospital, Bobby is taking care of the wee lost child. He's trying to give the kid a bath, but the child isn't too cooperative. Bobby takes his shirt off, and the child follows suit. Millions of Bobby-lovers all over the country simultaneously swoon. Bobby does the little nose-touching thing with the kid, then drops him in the bath. If he weren't so into it, I'd almost say he was putting on a little child-bonding show for Kim. A nurse who's watching asks, "So this guy is straight and single?" Kim says, "Mmm hmm." If Kim were not so misguided, she'd be drooling. Bobby wipes soot off the child with a washcloth, and the cuteness level reaches Cuteness Warp Factor 9.2 before we go to commercial.
Pamela Anderson will be on Leno. I wonder if a lack of talent acts as a reverse magnet to where they'd have to sit five feet apart or risk throwing each other around the room.
Sully finds his poor lost mom, Irene, sitting in front of a brownstone. She looks lost and sad and helpless. She has a nightgown on. She's holding a little stuffed animal. Between Irene and the little dirty boy, they must have done this week's casting at Sympathetic Subplots 'R' Us. Sully and the nursing home woman help Irene back to the car.
Back at the buryin' field, Bosco is bitching. Ty explains that back in the day, they'd tie a string to your finger and attach it to a bell so that if you were buried alive, you could just ring the bell. That's where the expression "saved by the bell" comes from. I think that's utter bunk, but what do I know? Bosco makes a joke about V-8. Yokas calls him a "sick puppy." Sigh...
Oh, more Sully/coffin escapades. Dirt is being piled on his grave. We get it. He doesn't want to buried alive. Okay. He calls for his mom, and now we learn that it's all symbolic of the pressure he feels for caring for Irene and how he feels buried beneath it. Ahhh.
At the nursing home, Sully is sitting bedside. He gets very emotional and cries because he doesn't know how to take care of his mother, who is afflicted with Alzheimer's. The sad piano plays. The nursing home woman says it would be too difficult for Sully to take Irene home. She seems impressed that he's even there. Oh, poor Sully. Don't you just want to put Sully in your oversized pocket, take him home and give him a big fluffy hug? I want a Sully plush doll. Sully kisses his mom's hand and his mom's cheek. I go grab a phone to call my mom.
The mean doctor from before is acting nicer because he's examining the kid that Kim and Bobby brought in. He says the kid hasn't suffered from abuse, just neglect and a few rat bites. He's like a mini Richard Hatch. Bobby is holding the boy in his arms, and it's like one of those black-and-white prints of a buff male model holding a baby that they sell at college dorm-art sales. They talk about how it sucks to abandon a child, who would do such a thing, on and on. The kid is sleepy, but only because of the dialogue. Bobby talks about how he got separated from his dad after a baseball game once and how he felt so lost. A bit of a stretch there on relating it to your life, Bobby. Kim goes to get coffee while Bobby holds the kid.
Doc, in street clothes, approaches the animal control center. The scary guy is inside. Doc gets his attention and asks about the cockatoo. "It's too late," the animal control guy growls. Doc looks sad. "Your friend already took him," Scary Man says, "the Spanish dude!" Oh, I forgot, New York has a bustling Spaniard population of which Carlos is a part.
Carlos is, of course, at home feeding his new cockatoo and teaching it to talk. It can almost say "hello." It needs to learn to say "this bites."
Back at the locker room, Ty asks Sully about his mom. He commiserates. They all hear that the bad guy in the hospital woke up and revealed where the buried man is. They all scramble to get there.
Okay, now it's nighttime and here's the suspenseful music I was looking for earlier. Lots of digging. Everybody is in street clothes, which look donated by Sears. The same FBI guy who looks like Skinner from The X-Files gets down there and pulls up a piece of wood to reveal a tiny, shaking old man. It's like a Cracker Jack prize. The man is alive. Sully looks shaken, but not particularly stirred. The guy has dirt and drool and snot hanging all over. But I guess that's better than having a bad case of The Deads. Ty talks to Sully about how bad it would to be buried alive. He's way ahead of you, Ty. They stand over the empty grave. Ty invites Sully out for a bite. Sully just looks stunned. "What, no hot date?" Sully asks. Ty says he'll cancel it. The love, people. Here's the love. Sully changes his mind and says he doesn't know if he'll be good company. Ty says it ain't no thing. Ty suggests Thai food (ha, get it?). They walk off into the lack of a sunset. An artsy shot pans into the grave, and we have the end of the episode.
Oh man, this season is going to be longer than the entire run of All My Children. I can just feel it. Props to Nicole for withstanding it for so long.
week, Yokas has all kinds of pregnancy issues. And Fred finally learns what's up.