By Omar G
Ready for an ensemble episode? Me, too.
Previously on Third Watch: Yokas gets beat up while pregnant and is told by her husband, Fred, that she should quit. Kim amputates a woman's leg to get her out of a car and save her baby. Doc gets burnt out on his job. Alex, the new female firefighter, saws through a gate. And Jimmy, in a voice-over, says he loves being a fireman. Random flashbacks, much?
The episode begins with a car on fire on a city street at night. Standing by watching it are (as we pan left to right), Carlos, Bobby, Doc, Kim, Sully, and Ty. Hey, where's Bosco? The fire truck arrives with Jimmy and Alex leading the way with the hose. Alex is holding the hose behind Jimmy. We'll just leave it at that. The two of them start dousing the car with water as some funky music plays. Bosco suddenly appears and seems to walk off in disgust as the others just stand around looking stunned. We're in for one bummer of an episode, it looks like.
In the locker room, Ty and the others are still looking sad. Faith Yokas comes by and asks if Bosco is okay. "It's their own fault," Bosco says. Sully slams the locker and leaves, disgusted with Bosco. Faith looks troubled. Bosco repeats himself. Ty gets up and asks if anybody else feels like getting really hammered. Um, I do. Every Monday night, about 9 p.m. Central time. Faith says she just wants to go home and stare at her kids, praying they don't get any older. Bosco says they will, because he's smart like that.
Carlos spots Bobby at the table and asks why he's still around. He says he's giving Kim a ride and she's still changing. "Women," Carlos mutters, ever the master of observational social commentary. Doc walks by and gets invited by Bobby to go out for a couple of drinks. Carlos jumps at the offer, but Doc says he doesn't drink. "You don't have to drink," Bobby says. Alex walks in and invites herself. When did she become the social butterfly? Bobby says they should go out for drinks, then go out to Coney Island and build a bonfire. Okay, first of all, isn't that illegal? Secondly, you're gonna build a bonfire to get your mind off a car that was on fire? Third, didn't you learn anything from the Texas A&M tragedy? Just asking. Carlos says he's going to get changed and go, and it suddenly becomes clear that he's being ignored, even though he was the first person to say he wanted to go. Ha ha. Carlos is the bitch of the bunch.
Kim sits alone on a bunk holding something. She flashes back to the fire where she stands watching it. She spots something on the ground and picks it up. We come back to Kim on the bed, crying. Carlos comes in and says to hurry up because they're leaving. She gets up and starts to change, wiping tears from her eyes. "Let's go have some fun," she mutters. We go to opening credits.
Gladiator is out on tape and DVD. How much you wanna bet Dennis Quaid doesn't let his kids watch it in the house?
Sully is standing at the front desk. He's looking over a form and asks if that's all there is and who he has to turn it in to. "Sully. You're not really gonna quit?" the desk sergeant asks. Sully asks if she's the person he has to bring the form to. She says yes. Oh, Sully don't quit! What will you do? You live alone, you've got few friends, no love life...I guess you could go into computer programming.
Outside, Yokas is leaving and runs into Doc, who's sitting on the hood of his car. Doc says he ran into a friend from high school recently who sells real estate. He has a nice car and money to spare. Faith says that's not a bad second job. Doc says it wouldn't be a bad first job. Oh, now you, Doc? Didn't you see American Beauty? You might have to sleep with The Real Estate King. Doc invites Yokas for some coffee. She says that everyone's asleep at her place and she'll go. Sullen Sully walks by. Doc invites him to go. He says, "Have fun." Yokas says that Sully should go because it's better than sitting home alone. Ouch. Way to kick a guy when he's all getting ready to quit. "Why not," Sully finally says, resigned to the fact that everybody thinks he's a loser. Well, you know what, Mister? I don't think you're a loser. I think you are a big, chunky ray of light in this crazy, mixed-up universe. So buck up, cowboy. We're gonna get through this episode together, Sully.
At a bar, Bobby, Alex, and Ty are knocking them back. Ty drops a shot into his beer glass and starts in on the drinks. "It's going to be a short night," Alex says. Again, when did she become so buddy-buddy with everyone? You know, she's still listed as a "guest star" in the opening credits even though she's getting thrown in with the main cast. Methinks we're going to see a fire-related cast-member death in an upcoming episode. Kim is on the phone to her mother. She tells Bobby, who sidles up and puts his arm around her, that her mother is pissed, but that she's been worse. Pissed because she has to take care of Joey while Kim runs around? Probably so. But damn! She's been amputating legs and watching people burn up in flaming cars. Let the girl have some drinks. Criminey! Jimmy, who is standing to Kim, says the bar sucks and he doesn't feel like drinking.
"You wanna go?" somebody asks belligerently. But the person's not talking to Jimmy (ha ha, you clever TV writers). The person talking is actually Bosco, who is picking a fight with somebody over a game of pool. (Bosco's the kind of guy who could start a fistfight over hanging chads.) I had my suspicions about Bosco's size. He was on Beverly Hills after all, which included a cast comprised entirely of near-midgets. But the full scope of Bosco's size is finally revealed when he picks on a guy who is roughly three times his size. And the bigger man doesn't even look that huge. My guess is that Bosco is roughly the size of a Powerpuff Girl. Bosco and the man start pushing each other around. Jimmy pulls Bosco away. Bosco says he wants to fight. "Can't we all just get along?" Bobby asks lamely as he returns to the bar. Half the cast leaves because they're not in the mood to drink. Ty, who is still downing drinks, stays behind with Bobby and Alex The Party Girl.
Outside, Bosco says he should have cracked the guy inside. Jimmy assures Bosco that he could have taken the titanic man. Bosco asks Kim how she's getting home. She'd planned on taking the subway at this late hour (because, as we know, Kim is just brilliant), but Bosco offers her a ride. Oh yeah, and those other guys, Carlos and Jimmy, can ride along, too.
At a diner, Sully is still being a party pooper. Doc is talking about commissions on real estate deals. Twenty-five thousand dollars on a $500,000 condo. He says that's half a year's salary. Okay, so Doc makes fifty grand. I thought it was a lot less last season. Maybe it's because he's been around so long. Yokas complains that it's national priorities -- at her kids' school, some janitors make more than teachers. Well, if the teacher would clean a toilet once in a while...Okay, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Teachers rock the house. Don't e-mail nasty letters. I love me some teachers. Again, I apologize. As they're talking, an attractive young woman comes to their table. She asks if anybody knows when the buses in the area come around. Faith wants to help her. Sully is disinterested. The girl says she got into a fight with her boyfriend. Faith asks if the boyfriend put her out of the car. "I kind of put myself out of the car," she says. Hmmm. Mysterious. Faith says it's too late for buses. Doc says the girl can sit with them and they'll give her a ride. Sully makes a protesting noise. "You can ignore Mr. Rudy Bahooty," Yokas says. Mr. Who? The girl sits down. Yokas says she's safe: they're two cops and a paramedic. So if she dies of a sudden drug overdose, Doc can save her life and the other two can arrest her afterward.
While driving, Bosco's complaining that it's like a morgue in the car. Well, if you'd turn down the A/C...He cranks up the radio, and everybody gets mad. When Kim says she has a headache, Bosco says, "Sorry," and turns it down. Carlos comments that the car is a "righteous ride." He asks what year it is. "The car or that word?" Bosco asks. Tee hee. Jimmy jumps in and they shoot little insults. Carlos and Jimmy debate on whether all it takes is a hot car to get women. Kim reveals (unsurprisingly) that she dated a guy named Chaz in high school and she dated him for his car. Carlos decides he needs to pee. Jimmy agrees: pee would be good.
At the bar, Ty is still drinking. He is soooo drunk. He wants pickled eggs to go with the beef jerky he had earlier. Ty says he doesn't usually drink, so he's cruising for a vomity night. When Bobby tries to be helpful to Ty, Kim comments that Bobby is always mothering everyone. Bobby gets perturbed, as if being motherly is a bad thing. "I don't mother people," he says. Alex says it's just an observation.
Back at the diner, Yokas is talking to the new girl. She says she's a senior in high school and she was coming back from Homecoming. She got accepted to Columbia, but it's a long story as to why she's not going. Doc ignores everybody as he plays with real estate numbers. Sully looks like he wants to kill someone. Sully figures out that they get $13.85 a run. Yokas doesn't believe it. Sully is fed up. He's depressed that every time he risks his life, he makes less than the cost of a bleacher seat. Sad. They all get up to leave.
Kim and Bosco are sitting in Bosco's car waiting for the guys to come back. Bosco brings up Kim and the car thing. She says she likes Bosco's car. Bosco clears his throat and says "Really?" Oh, no. Please, let it not be so.
Carlos and Jimmy at the urinals. Carlos is expousing his theory that it's hard to commit to a relationship because something better might come along. And having an affair is just too much work. Jimmy tells him to shut up, basically.
In the car, Yokas is talking to the girl some more. I think it's Yokas that's the mothering type, not Bobby. The girl is eighteen. She and Yokas talk about kids and how you have to let them grow up. Yokas thinks it happens too fast. Doc wants to drop her off and she wants to walk through Central Park. Sully makes noises about how dangerous it is.
Yokas flashes back to the accident. A car carrying a Class of 2001 rubbing in the back is swerving. The teens inside are drinking. Yokas is watching the fire after the accident. We go to commercial.
Carlos and Jimmy come out of the bathroom. They're in a bowling alley. Carlos lusts after all the pretty high school girls. Jimmy says it reminds him of the accident. Carlos asks why it reminds him of that. Jimmy gets disgusted and says it's no wonder Carlos doesn't fly with the ladies. Just as Carlos gets all argumentative about this obvious fact, a teenaged couple comes up and asks if they can be bowling partners. They're dressed up for Homecoming, too. Jimmy says he wants to bowl. He tells Carlos to get him some Size 14 shoes. So that's why Kim has been lusting after him so hard. Jimmy walks outside and -- oh no! Kim and Bosco are making out. I wonder how I'm going to write the rest of this recap with burned retinas. "Jimmy!" Kim exclaims. "Did you just call me Jimmy?" Bosco asks. No, it's because Jimmy is coming over. Kim scrambles to get her clothes back on. Did they not know Jimmy and Carlos would soon be back from their urination? How long did they think they would be? Kim, you have about as much sense as a lobotomized gnat. On life support. "Kim..." Jimmy says, obviously disgusted and amused. Kim tries to play it off. She says she'd love to bowl. Bosco looks disappointed. "Don't get too high on yourself," Jimmy tells Bosco. "It's not about you." Bosco responds wittily, "Kiss my ass."
Back at the bar, Ty is drinking the place dry. Alex asks how long he can go. "He's a big guy," Bobby says. Ty amusingly notes that he can hear them. Then he slurs and giggles like a sorority girl at her first frat mixer. Ty calls Bobby, "Babalu," and tells an older man that he's got respect for older guys. Ty is schnockered.
Is this it? Drinking and bowling? Somebody start a fire or have a heart attack or something.
Bobby and Alex flirt to the jukebox. Alex goes on about the mothering. Bobby is still defensive. Alex plays a sexy song and asks Bobby to dance. He doesn't. Instead, he walks off. Ty says Bobby and Alex make a cute couple. Okay, this is now officially Third Watch: The High School Years.
Central Park. Yokas, Sully, Doc, and Homecoming Girl are walking along. Sully is bitching about how he doesn't want to be there. Doc is lecturing the girl about going to college. "You sound like my Dad," she says. Actually, it's a good possibility that Ty's Dad is her Dad. The girl is very happy. She is the antithesis of Sully, who keeps pointing out where people in the park were killed. She points out where she had her first kiss with Johnny Vassey. Sully reveals that during his first kiss, the girl sneezed in his mouth. Everybody laughs. Doc says he wants to check out the area. Sully complains some more.
At the bar, Ty is crying out against the tyranny of not being able to order a drink after the bar is closed. The bill comes out to $112. Ty is out of it. Bobby pays the bill, great Mother Hen that he is. Ty gives him a kiss on the cheek. Whoa there, Ty. You're not that drunk.
Back at the park, the two cops, paramedic, and Homecoming Girl have broken into a room with a carousel. So, so illegal. They start the carousel and get on, everybody smiling and laughing. Except Sully, of course, who sits around looking like it's Face / Off and his son's about to get shot. He flashes back to the fire where he and Ty stood by watching. Yes, Sully, life is hard and then you die. We get it. Go to commercial.
Gilbert Gottfried is moving up in the world: instead of doing annoying commercials for breakfast cereal, now he's doing annoying commercials for Subway. Way to go, Gilbert!
Back at the carousel. Uh oh. Here come the cops. And they're waving guns at all the carousel horses. "This is just perfect," Sully mutters. Sully is practically Grumpy in this episode. Although he looks a little more like Ziggy with a wig.
In a car driving down the street, Alex is now flirting with Bobby by calling him a cheerleader instead of a mother. Okay, I promised myself I wasn't going to say anything about Alex and lesbianism, but if she keeps wanting Bobby to take on these feminine roles... I mean, come on. I'm just sayin'. Bobby says he goes to church on his way to work and lights a candle for anyone who dies on his watch. Oh, Saint Bobby, will you please watch over us all? Then Ty vomits in the car. A lot. Because he's a big guy.
Back at Two Cops, A Paramedic, and a Debutante, they're trying to explain to the on-duty police officers why they broke into a carousel. The cops let them go after a nice lecture.
At the bowling alley, Jimmy is bowling up a storm. A nearly perfect storm. The high school girl tells Kim that her boyfriend is cute. "He's my ex-husband," Kim says. Whoops. The girl says she's been dating her boyfriend for four months and they're going to be together forever. Meanwhile, Carlos is hitting on a girl who gets mad and knocks over a tray of food and drinks. Everybody laughs at poor Carlos. The high school guy bowling with them points out a cute, recently single woman to Carlos. Carlos reacts with skepticism, because the woman is pretty and classy -- normally the type that would have nothing to do with him.
Let's switch plotlines again: Ty is apologizing for puking. Bobby is cleaning. Ty brings up the accident. He asks Alex if she saw the kids in the car. "They were all burnt up. You couldn't even tell they were people," he says. Alex tells him to stop. "Maybe it's doing him good," a young man who suddenly appears says. Okay, what the hell is he doing here? Was he on his way to a WB casting call? His name is Darren, which Ty declares is a good name. Ty finally sits down in a heap. Still wasted.
Bowling alley. Kim whips out a shiny tiara from her purse and gives it to the girl she's bowling with. "They're so cute," she says to Jimmy of the high school couple. "I can't believe you were hooking up with Boscorelli," Jimmy says. He points out that Kim always jumped him the hardest when she had a rough night. Kim denies, denies, denies. Jimmy laughs it off.
Outside, Bosco gets tired of waiting by his sporty car and drives off. Nice. Leave your friends behind without telling them. He drives off very fast playing Billy Idol. Look, playing Billy Idol totally cancels out peeling out of a high school hangout. Try some Jay Z or something.
Back at the pukemobile. Bobby has finished cleaning the car. Darren gets thanked for helping. He's offered a ride and accepts. "I mother people," Bobby tells him. "But no lactating," he thinks.
Central Park. Yokas is explaining to Homecoming Girl that being a cop makes it hard to raise your kids because you see all the worst behavior they'd be exposed to. Doc is still complaining about how little they get paid. And then all at once, they spot somebody getting attacked. Doc helps the person while Sully and Yokas chase bad guys. Homecoming Girl watches, fascinated.
Bosco is still driving to the rockin' sounds of "Rebel Yell." He flashes back to the accident. What, Bosco has a heart? Who knew? He speeds up and runs a red light, rounding a corner as we go to another commercial.
Run, don't walk, to your video store of choice and buy or rent a copy of Chicken Run. I promise you won't be disappointed.
Central Park: Park of Assaults. An ambulance has arrived to treat a man who got hit with a rock. Sully and Yokas weren't able to catch the person who did it. "You see why I hate this damn park?" Sully asks Homecoming Girl. Doc gives Sully the keys to his car while he rides with the ambulance. Anybody else getting a weird vibe from Homecoming Girl? Why is she even here? Hmmm...
Bosco finally stops driving to what must have been the longest rendition of "Rebel Yell" ever. It's must have been a Puff Daddy remix or something. He gets out of the car and walks solemnly to the scene of the car fire. He bends down, picks up a piece of broken reflector, and looks very sad and bitter.
Sully gets Homecoming Girl home. Sully asks if she remembers a tragedy the police responded to in front of that building. "Is everything you remember bad?" she asks. Homecoming Girl asks if Sully has happy memories. "Some," he says. Homecoming Girl kisses him on the cheek and thanks him for taking care of her. She walks away, and when he looks again, she's disappeared. Just as Sully is leaving, a man stops him. He seems happy to see Sully and says he had tried to contact Sully to tell him how much better he was doing. The guy is a peer counselor named Frank Matthews. He says he's doing better now and even has a kid. It's obvious Sully doesn't know who this guy is. "Thank you," he finally tells Sully. Sully plays along. Then, just as the man is walking away, it comes to Sully. "You were gonna kill yourself," Sully says. "What?" the man asks. "Nothing," Sully says. He walks off much happier that he was able to help this guy through a crisis. See, Sully? I knew things would get better. It's you and me against the world, buddy.
Back with Alex and Bobby, Ty and Darren. They tell Darren about the accident just as they're nearing the scene that they don't want to pass. Darren looks shocked by the story. They see Bosco's car and pull over. Bosco is sitting to a meter. He tells Bobby to leave him the Hell alone. "This is where it happened," Darren says. "You can barely tell there was an accident." Bosco jumps all over Darren. Darren keeps saying, "I'm sorry" as Bosco yells at him. Bosco's mad and sad and says it's stupid that he wasn't able to do anything as four kids burned to death. Darren keeps apologizing even though Bosco says the kid didn't do anything. Bosco is on the edge of tears. Alex says they're going to go to the beach. Bobby asks Bosco to come to Coney Island.
Carlos, Jimmy, and Kim walk along. Jimmy bowled a great game. Carlos got a phone number. And as they're going along much happier, Sully pulls up behind them. He gets invited to go to Coney Island. Come on, Sully. Do it, do it, do it!
Coney Island. The sun is just coming up. Bobby and Alex talk about building a bonfire. Bobby reminisces about his high school days. Then the accident comes up. "We all got there as fast as we could," he says. "Sometimes things are meant to be," he tells her. "Those kids weren't supposed to die," Alex says. "That's not what I meant," Bobby answers, then kisses Alex. Nothing like four teenagers burning to death to get the hormones going, am I right? Ty watches them kiss, dumbfounded. He laughs. Uncomfortable moment. Bobby walks off.
Flash back to the accident. Four teenagers in a car. Drinking. Driving. Holy crap! The four teenagers are the couple from the bowling alley, Darren, and Homecoming Girl! Holy M. Night Shyamalan! As sad but groovy music plays, we watch the accident. The SUV is sideswiped. The car hits and flips over. A fire starts. The teenagers are kicking and trying to get out of the car. The cops arrive and are moving toward the car with extinguishers just before it explodes. By the time the ambulance arrives, it's too late. The song "Give Me Strength," sung by Dido and perfomed with Over the Rhine is playing. Kim moves up and finds a tiara lying on the ground. She picks it up. The whole crew has arrived at the accident and stands there watching the car burn. We go to the bonfire on the beach as the sun comes up, and they're standing together again watching this new fire. Bosco, Doc, and Yokas arrive and join the rest of them. Crane shot pulls back over them as they watch the fire and face the rising sun. The music plays us out on an episode short on plot, but long on style and grace. Good job, Third Watch.
week: Faith Yokas' mom is Mia Farrow. A prison break. Faith hugs Fred. I'm thinking it's going to be a tearjerker. See you then.