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College of I Can't Believe We're Wasting This Hour on a Monster of the Week Episode When The Lone Gunmen Totally Could Have Died in a Mytharc Episode That Was Not Only Moving, But Also Tied Some Shit Up, Dude. Moronica and Doggett are showing Amy's brother Peter a photo of Yves de Lipschild. Can I tell you that while I remember almost nothing about recapping Judging Amy, I will never forget a scene in which Peter played the guitar and sang "Jumping Jack Flash" while Amy danced around? That was scarier than this entire season of The X-Files. Peter thinks Yves Mouthy Liperstein is the killer, but he's not totally sure. He exposits that Dead Professor DeadGuy worked at the college as an immunologist, researching the superior immune system of the shark to try to figure out how to improve the immune system of us humans. "He was going to save the world," Peter mumbles.
Lone Gunpound. Some weird dorky guy whose name I gather is Kimmy is working on the computer. Apparently, he's "a hacking genius," and the Lone Gunmen have asked him to try to trace Yves Lippyberg's car (which they've identified through a series of unlikely breaks) as it drives toward DC.
Langly, Byers, and Frohike leave Jimmy and Kimmy (groan) alone in the office with Morris. I guess they're out to get Yves McMouthFace. I'm glad they're so concerned about someone who is -- to most of the people watching this episode -- practically a total stranger. Especially considering the fact that we never heard any of them ever say anything about Mulder. And I mean for the past two years, they've never said anything about Mulder. They're running all over the universe to find Yves de Mouthy Lipsalot, but did we ever see them even boot up the laptop to help Scully locate the father of her child? No. And why? Because the cardinal rule at 1013 over the last two years seems to have been "show all the interesting stuff off-screen and forget Duchovny ever existed."
Doggett and Moronica are visiting a Medical Examiner who is not Scully. Is Gillian Anderson not in this episode at all? "Maybe she was also kidnapped," the Mulder action figure suggests from his perch on my knee, where he's tracing the events of the evening before the Scully was kidnapped. He told me yesterday that he's closing in on a suspect, but he didn't want to jinx anything. Then I caught him dropping pieces of red fabric into a tiny test tube made from half of a circle of bubble wrap. I have no idea what that's all about. Anyway, the ME is all blah blah blah, heart ripped out post-mortem, blah blah blah weird radioactive shit going on in the professor's blood. "Bioluminescence," the ME clarifies. He tells Doggett and Moronica that he found a piece of shark cartilage grafted into the professor's chest cavity. Doggett handles the cartilage. "It held something. Something that's now missing," he says. Maybe it was the narrative arc of this show?