This Is Not Happening

Peaceful starlight. Desert vistas. A rumbling sound. A bright light in the sky. A loud whoosh as a clunker of a car speeds toward the aforementioned bright light in the sky. A hand holds a disposable camera out of the sunroof, as the owner of the hand (and presumably the camera as well) whoops exultantly. "Bogie at twelve o'clock!" the kid yells, woohooing like the president of the N*Sync fan club. The kid speeds toward the light, tossing his camera aside in favor of a hand-held tape recorder. "Diane," he says, "I just had the most sublime cherry pie." Whoops, wrong show. Instead, the kid squeals that he has "engagement of an unidentified flying object." He continues chasing said unidentified flying object like a bat out of hell. The light gets brighter and closer and lower, and begins to disappear behind a hill, as the kid speeds toward it. Finally, the kid screeches to a halt and tumbles out of the car. He watches the light blaze through the trees, and, looking stunned and a little scared, attempts to photograph it. But, see, he neglected to advance the film. "You idiot!" he spits, thumbing the little dial for all he's worth. When he looks up, the UFO has disappeared behind the hill. "Ahhh! This is not happening!" the kid yells, and chases after the light.

The UFO moves toward the ground in all of its computer-generated glory, and, after a moment, goes all shimmery and vanishes, just before the kid skitters over the crest of the hill. "This is not happening!" he yells in frustration, and kicks the ground. Once his little tantrum is over, the kid peers down into the valley, and sees a man walking through the field. He scampers down the hill, kicking dust all over the place. "I come in peace!" he yells, right before he trips and falls...onto the naked body of a beaten and bruised woman. "This is not happening," he whimpers. I'm sensing a theme.

Credits.

Lush Basement Office. Doggett holds Mulder's nameplate, staring at it blankly. What's he doing in Scully's top desk drawer? You'd think he'd learn his lesson after the tongue-lashing she gave him about going through her personal files last week. Scully bursts through the door as the Brass Section of the Orchestra of Snoopery thwaps in the background and Doggett drops the nameplate into the drawer. "Hi." "Hi." Scully gives him her "yes?" eyebrow, as Doggett kind of clears his throat and looks at her. She reminds him that he said "it was urgent." Doggett hesitantly thanks her for getting to the office so quickly. "Are you going to tell me what it is?" Scully asks, irritably. She obviously rushed to the office -- her hair isn't nearly as poufy as it was last week. I mean, the color is fantastic, but we've lost some of the Special Scully Poufing Action. Doggett quietly informs her that he'd like Skinner to give her the news. Scully looks scared. This is just cruel, people. Put the woman out of her misery -- this kind of stress can not be good for her alien human hybrid baby, Smoking Samantha Mulder.