Worcester, Massachusetts. 8:34 PM. Dark, deserted street. Rainy. Bleak. Typical. Man in hysterics on pay phone. Panting. Leaving hysterical message, the upshot of which is "that hysterical bitch is a liar! Check her desk drawer for proof! Call it off! Pant! Pant! Sobbing moan!" A shadowy figure lurks around the corner. Catching sight of it out of the corner of his eye, MIHOPP gulps, drops the phone, and books down the street. Shadowy figure slides around the corner and stares after MIHOPP. He looks just like an older, deranged Riley Finn, from Buffy. Like, exactly like. Creepy, exactly like. Deranged Riley stares menacingly. Chris Carter looks up from his copy of The Call Is Coming From Inside The House II: More Clichés For One-Trick Ponies, as MIHOPP, of course, trips, falls down, sobs and looks fearfully over his shoulder. Yawn. He looks up to notice that, conveniently, he's fallen right in front of the police station. He scampers over and bursts inside, calling for help, and hysterically informing the tragically bored police officers that someone's trying to kill him -- someone right outside! Gulp! He tries to grab one of the officer's guns, extremely dramatically screaming, "He's going to kill me!" The scenery cowers in fear. The cops toss him nonchalantly into the drunk tank. He moans. Already, I am SO BORED.
Inside the drunk tank, MIHOPP looks around, tears still streaming dramatically down his face. He slaps the little observation window thingie, yelling to the cop on duty that he's not safe in there, that "it isn't enough!" The cop yawns and stuffs a jelly-filled into his yaw. He tells MIHOPP to relax. MIHOPP squeals, "He can get me in here!" Dude, it's called Xanax. Ask your doctor. The other cop calmly remarks that he's going to call for a Psych consult. Word, dude. "He can get to me!" MIHOPP yells. The cop rolls his eyes. And then MIHOPP's head explodes and blood goes all over the observation window and his head slides all the way down the glass. The cop looks vaguely surprised and licks his fingers.
Credits. What else can I say about the credits? Other than the fact that I have no idea why they've been changed, unless the Powers That Be wanted to make sure that absolutely EVERYTHING sucks this season.
