Jose Chung's "From Outer Space"

So, this is it, everyone! The last recap of The X-Files ever. I don't really know what to say about that, other than that I'm going to miss it -- and you all -- quite a bit. Many thanks to everyone who's written to me over the last few years, one final shout-out to the forums, and most especial thanks to Wing Chun for being a terrific editor. ["Aw. You make it easy." -- Wing Chun]

Mark Snow cues up some tinkly Space, the Final Frontier-type music as the camera pans the starry night sky. Mark Snow, I'm going to miss you. Wouldn't you like to make the move over to the WB and start composing for Dawson's Creek? Aren't you just itching to write "The Ballad of Dawson and Joey," all full of minor keys and small children screaming in the background? Come on! It'll be fun. Please? I need company there. Mark? Mark? Hello? Fine.

The camera pans across what looks like the underbelly of a spaceship, à la Star Wars. The camera scans up, however, and reveals that the bolts and whatnot are just the bottom-workings of a truck from the Electric Company -- one of those ones with the little trolley that lifts up into the sky so that the person who works for the Electric Company can fix the power lines. Does that trolley truck whosamawhatsis have a name? I'm sure it does. I don't remember these things anymore. I can remember detailed plots of various Sweet Valley High books, but not the name of that truck lift-y up-y thing. Maybe because Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield never worked for the Electric Company. Probably because Jessica would never wear a jumpsuit like that. Anyway. This is "Klass County. Washington." A guy in Buddy Holly glasses stands in the lifty trolley doohickey and tells someone on the phone that he's checked all the connections. He has no idea why the power's down. He's coming in for more equipment.

An old light yellow Mustang hardtop drives past Buddy Holly Glasses and down the dark road, carrying a young couple. The boy looks at the girl and sort of smiles. "Um. I don't want to scare you," he says, "but I think I'm madly in love with you." Oh, if I had a dollar, people! She smiles at her lap. "I mean, you're all I think about," he continues. "You're my whole world." Chrissy -- for that is her name, and although they don't say it for a while, this is my last recap and I'm too lazy to keep calling her "the girl" -- smiles up at him. "Harold, I like you a lot, too," she tells him. "But this is our first date. I think we need more time to get to know one another." Um, yeah. Harold is cute, but "you're my whole world" on Date Numero Uno? Creep-ee. Harold is about to say something else -- possibly involving marriage -- when the car sputters out. And here we go. The Mustang shudders to a stop. "What happened?" Chrissy asks. Harold shrugs and tries to start the car. There's a loud bang and a burst of bright light. Chrissy screams, and they both throw their hands in front of their faces as a spaceship sinks down into view. The kids look stunned and scared. Two Gray aliens emerge from the ship and approach the car. "Harold, what the hell are those things?" Chrissy asks. "How the hell should I know?" Harold whispers, as the Grays come around to the car windows and Chrissy and Harold spontaneously lose consciousness.