|
||||||
Previously on The West Wing: Campaign buses! Russell! Hoynes! Santos! Toby!! Guy who looks like Matthew Broderick (a.k.a. Will!)! Josh!
We are on the streets of New Hampshire. The dirty, rotten streets of New Hampshire, that is -- littered with hookers and used needles and head lice. No, they're quite picturesque and snowy, actually, and people are bringing each other coffee. Live free or die! Santos asks, "When was the last time you saw a politician answer a question he didn't like?" Oh so all politicians are "he," are they? Tough talk for a man who sounds like Jennifer Lopez. A woman asks if he's saying that the debates shouldn't matter, and he says he's saying that the debates should be better, and that we're practically teaching media evasion in kindergarten now. I wish that had been the case at Paris Hilton's school. (And speaking of...did you get my messages, Vin Diesel?) Santos says that the issue isn't whether he pinches Dorothy during milk and cookies, and that the American people are more concerned with the need for new nap mats, and he has a six-point plan. Okay, what? Who's Dorothy? Dorothy Zbornak? Because she will totally cut you if you pinch her during milk and cookies, particularly if they're being served on the lanai. Also, nap mats? And he's the candidate who's supposedly in touch with the issues? Try a six-point plan for eliminating illiteracy and then we'll talk.
The camera angle widens, and we see that Santos is talking to a small group of New Hampshireites outside a convenience store. A man says that it is the politicians who turn the debates into "pumpkin judging contests." Can anyone on this show speak in metaphors that make sense? Santos says that it's also the rules of the game: there is one more debate before the primary, and Santos asks if it should merely be about photo ops and sound bites -- a "beauty pageant without the beauty." This prompts a woman in the crowd to coo, "I think you're beautiful." He's all, "Thanks, Monica, but I'm set with interns." Santos says that The Dover Herald is announcing their debate rules that afternoon, and he's been "banging on them" to turn it into a real debate with all seven candidates cross-examining one another and answering the tough questions. A man says that politicians never answer the questions they don't like. Santos suggests hooking the candidates up to electrodes -- Crossfire meets A Clockwork Orange. That is one debate that I'd actually watch.
I must take a moment here to note that earlier today I was instant messaging with my mom who, as it turns out, is a huge fan of The West Wing and had several relevant thoughts that I am going to take the liberty of interjecting verbatim at opportune moments in this recap. The first is this: "That Jimmy Smitz is really quite the man!!!!!" My mom thinks Jimmy Smits is The Hot.