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Previously on The Surreal Life, they had, like, this talent show, see? And they had to like get up on stage and show off, you know? And, like, everyone treated it as a joke and tried to be funny except Corey, who seized the opportunity to sing a serious song off his new album because he's a professional and didn't want to make an ass of himself. But it was too little too late, because he's already proven that he's a humongous ass and this just really showed what a complete dickhole he actually is. And somewhere in a trailer in West Virginia, Corey's toothless parents accidentally spat their moonshine out while cackling like drunken Websters and congratulated themselves on having enough sense to disown his whiny ass when he was fifteen.
As always, it's early morning in the Surreal Mansion as Vince goes to wake Hammer and Webster up by saying "Okaaaaaay" like Clyde Rufus Brown would say. "It's Hammer Time! It's Manny Time!" he good-naturedly sings. Hammer and Webster both...do...they....uhhh...wait a second. Something's bothering me already. I've been referring to Emmanuel Lewis as "Webster" for the past three recaps to show my complete lack of respect for the guy. Since he's never done anything memorable other than his role as Webster, I thought it'd be all snarky of me to refer to him that way for the duration of the series, making him look like a big loser and me a colossal asshole. But I've got to say, other than the cackle, I've got that Manny Mo love thang going. The guy's just too hip for words. So, if the judge and jury will allow me to do so, I'd like to drop the "Webster" tag and start referring to him as "Manny." I also would like to reserve the right to call him "Manny Mo" when the occasion calls for it. If this is acceptable, please raise your hand and say "Aye."
Jesus God, put your hands back down, you morons. I can't hear you or see you. I swear, some of you idiots have crossed the fine line between real life and internet life. Pull yourselves away from this site and go get a tan fer chrissakes.
So anyway, Gabby's in the kitchen cooking while Mercedes is gulping down some vegetarian Puppy Chow to impress Corey. Vince steps out to get the morning Surreal News, and finds that he's made the cover due to his triumphant win at the Talent Show the night before. Gabby snatches the paper out of Vince's hands and begins trying to find any morsel of news about herself but then quickly comes to the realization that whether she wanted the gig or not, she's now officially the "mom" of the bunch. And moms simply don't make the news like paunchy rock stars do. Gabby does manage to find an expos� on what's in store for them on that particular day, which makes her squeal like Manny Mo having his genitalia trimmed with a weed whacker. They're all flying to Vegas for some "wide open fun." There's a joke here somewhere about Corey with a fistful of quarters in a darkened booth watching a naked woman on a stool behind a sheet of Plexiglas, but I'm just too lazy to try and find it, so feel free to make up your own. Vince gets all excited, because he lives in Vegas, and he's planning on hooking up with his girlfriend Lea or Pia or Xea or whatever the girl's name is. For the sake or argument, let's just call her Barbie for what will soon become obvious reasons. The gang starts packing for their trip. Hammer's spraying some funky spray in a bag to "freshen things up." I've never seen this done before. Then again, I don't carry a bag full of stinky underwear everywhere I go. I'm not saying Hammer does, but if you have to spray deodorant into your luggage, dude, it's time to lay off the hard-boiled eggs. Jerri's asking the other girls what they plan on wearing, and Gabby says she's wearing her white suit which tells me one thing: at least one of the three ladies isn't worried about a surprise visit from her Aunt Flo on the trip. We get footage of everyone blow-drying their hair, which ain't gonna win any Emmys. Vince emerges from the bathroom looking mighty dapper in his Armani suit. Hammer starts yelling, "Hold on! He's here!" I love me some Hammer, but he needs to take the volume of his voice down to 11 at times. The loopy bastard interferes with air-traffic control every time he gets the least bit excited. Vince calls Barbie to tell her that they'll be at the Palms Hotel, and that she should meet him there and remember to wear makeup. We see Hammer all decked out in leather and strutting to the Surreal Van. The next thing we see is a plane taking off into the sky...and Corey Feldman chasing after it down the runway, screaming, "Wait up, guys! Wait up!"